Unca Harlan's Art Deco Dining Pavilion

Penny Arcade Posts

Harlan Ellison Webderland: Unca Harlan's Art Deco Dining Pavilion

Webderland posts:

Rick Wyatt <rick@rickwyatt.com>
- Thursday, September 29 2005 7:5:27

To a Troll, attention is better than a golden coin
I am weighing in here with a personal message rather than the usual webmastery/management stuff.

It is entirely possible, even probably mind you, that the truth of what transpired in that brief and trivial interchange lies somewhere between Harlan's recollection and Gabes. It is also true that much of HOW what happened was perceived is as much a product of both parties' prejudices and perceptions as any real intent on either side. As the proverb goes, the palest ink is better than the best memory.

A prudent course, therefore, would be first to simply recognize that something happened that for whatever reason to create bad blood. Second, to accept the word of those involved - that Harlan really had no problem with sharing Guest of Honor privileges and meant no offense or insult in what he said, that Gabe was truly taken aback and felt he was merely defending himself. So many fights, wars even, are the result of someone assuming they can read the minds and hearts of others and know what they TRULY intended.

Even more prudent would be for those of you presently arguing to recognize that it's unlikely parties on either side are going to change their minds, let alone accept one of your points. For example, the contention that Harlan's posts on the subject of his knowledge of PA are inconsistent. I know which quote Harlan would respond to this with, but there is no reason for debate here. Fans of PA will see this as a smoking gun and assume Harlan is lying. Fans of HE will recognize, knowing Harlan, that it's entirely possible he looked up PA months in advance and a good while later simply failed to (or could not be bothered to) make the connection when prompted to do so. There is no point in arguing about it because neither side is likely to diverge from this. Similarly, the various arguments over whether or not Harlan or Gabe were or are jealous/surly/insulting/cannabilistic/vegetarian/whatever are unlikely to do anything more than preach to respective choirs.

Finally, responding to insults towards either party here is about the worst thing you can do. It allows the insulter to know their message was received and possibly even that they scored a hit. Even better to the offender is if this response is emotional. Harlan, in my opinion, is wrong on this one - nothing would have made the person who said that horrible thing about his amazing and lovely wife more satisfied than a bunch of fans charging in to her defense like drunken knights-errant. It may have made him, her, or you feel a little better, but it only would have made further attacks more likely.

I am the first line of defense here and I take the first shot every singe time. Harlan and you just take the ones that get through me, or that I am obliged to allow based on the rules of the game. Every time one of you just can't help but take a shot at Penny Arcade, its founders, or its fans; every time you prolong an argument or come in long after the fact because you just can't bear to have others deprived of your "take"; every time you challenge the opinion or logic of someone who is obviously never going to change either; everything you do that continues to inflate this ridiculously short interchange to "seven at a blow" status; every time this winds up causing me more difficulty and extends the time over which I am going to have to deal with this. And I would suggest that of ALL the people involved I have done the least to deserve ANY of this shit.

- Wednesday, September 28 2005 13:26:32


I excoriated the lot of you for not speaking to the nasty comment by "Penelope" in re Susan.

Steve Barber was offended, and said so.

Thank you, Steve.

Yr. pal, Harlan

- Wednesday, September 28 2005 12:56:45


What the surly teenager posted on his website as having happened, did NOT, in fact, transpire in that way. Like Mr. Tycho's "gut feeling" or "assumption" or "telepathic intuition" or whatever it was, everything the surly teenager posted was HIS perception of an interchange that lasted for less than two minutes. His assumptions and interpretations are his own, and he's entitled to them. Weird and sad and skewed as they may be.

But for him, for Mr. Tycho, and for all of you, I am telling you they are no more accurate than MY understanding of the matter. I don't expect the surly teenager to pause even a moment to consider that his interpretations are wonky, he's incapable, I suspect, of assuming responsibility for ANYTHING he does, like some mook standing in front of Judge Judy. And he certainly isn't going to cop to fronting someone who meant him no harm, not in front of his worshipful gamer-tots. But this is the bottom line:

I did not know them, I had no negative feelings toward them, and I was neither rude nor discourteous to them.

Never insulted them. Never wanted to insult them. Didn't do it consciously or reflexively. Just didn't do it. ALL insults and disparagement came from the surly teenager. Mr. Tycho shouldn't be defending his associate's bad behavior; after all, Mr. Tycho was standing right there beside me.

My assertion is demonstrably more accurate than what the surly teenager posted to arouse his adolescent admirers. As verified by the CHAIRMAN OF THE FOOLSCAP CONVENTION, Hank Graham, who has stated very clearly THERE WAS NO JESTER'S HAT FOR ME. If that is so, then all that follows in the surly teenager's memoir is equally as skewed, equally as misinterpreted, and equally as unfair to me.

We were in each other's company less than two minutes. We were all four--Gabe & Tycho, Hank Graham, myself--on the stage in a small room. They were making "gifts" to the Guests of Honor. The first was an orange peeler. I did the expected "take" and looked at this small plastic kitchen implement with mock humor and confusion. I then got a SECOND one, intended for Kathy Roche-Zujko (my ex-secretary, who now lives in Bellevue, with whom we hung during the weekend, and who had picked Susan and me up at Sea-Tac). It was a thankyou from the ConCommittee for her good offices. With TWO of these items, I continued to do the aversion shtick, edging backward toward the audience, past the surly teenager, with one of the orange peelers behind my back and, openly to the entire room, slipped it to someone in the audience. Everyone laughed.

I then returned to my place next to the surly teenager, as Hank Graham placed jester's caps (signifying "foolscap") on Mr. Tycho and the surly teenager. Mr. Graham then handed me a lined yellow tablet in a plastic sleeve--foolscap, in the classic meaning of the word--and said, "Here's YOUR foolscap." I am a writer. Getting foolscap was appropriate. I am neither a clown nor an asshole, as so many of the PA adolescents who have no idea of my fifty-plus years' work perceive. It was fitting and proper that I should get a pad of ... well ... foolscap.

The surly teenager then asked me, not very loudly, "Don't you want to wear your hat?"

As there WAS NO HAT for me, I pretty much let slide the gibe.

Well, two aspects of the moment that followed:

1) Someone in the audience said something to ME, DIRECTLY, that I now understand as not having been heard or linked properly, by the surly teenager. I can't remember what it was, but it was a remark made my someone I knew, in a jocular vein, and I tossed over my shoulder the pro forma fuckyou or gofuckyerself or whatever it was. It was no more serious or rude a fuckyou than a Bart Simpson bite me or eat my shorts.

But it wasn't addressed to the surly teenager, who had already made snotty remarks at me, not once, but twice.

If the surly teenager misheard and thought he was EVEN IN THE EXCHANGE, I was unaware of it.

Till I got home and saw the foofaraw here.

I was, thus, neither rude nor disrespectful to him.

So he misinterpreted from the git-go.

Which invalidates everything that he says followed. Most of which took place in that arid wasteland between his ears.

Next, I replied to him: "There's no hat for me. HERE is my foolscap, and I held up the pad. He stared at it, slack-jawed, uncomprehendingly. I repeated the word, trying to indicate that writing paper for a writer was originally, and has been traditionally, known as "foolscap," not an unknown word to me, any more than it is to any of you here; nor was its double-entendre lost on the audience, who also knew the word.

(One of the most troubling aspects of the cultural ignorance of surly teenagers is that though they are tabula rasa about most everything but what Shakira is wearing these days, they are insulted and defensive and arrogant and dismissive and rude when one tries, however innocently, to educate them, whether it's about something as minuscule as "foolscap" or something as powerfully important as that the Holocaust really happened. They all have ipods, but very little information.)

(To point out this reality, of course, only imbeds the deeper, the urban legends that anyone old enough to remember FDR simply cannot get "into" the venue of the young. It ain't the young, mi amigos, it's the iggerunt.)

So the surly teenager was clearly as unfamiliar with this common term as he would be of hubris, the Elgin Marbles, Kilroy, and Eddie Cantor. Not to mention Marta Toren, Gertrude Ederle, Jesse Owens, Benito Mussolini, and El Greco. Not STUPID, merely ignorant. Two different things, as I must have pointed out a hundred times in other contexts during my many panels and lectures. I asked him, then, not realizing he must have an instant flee-or-fight reaction-formation to anyone questioning his intelligence--whether in reality, or as he perceives it--if he had gone to college. I was merely making chat. The conversation was between us, and the audience COULD NOT POSSIBLY have heard the interchange, thus putting the interpretatiuonal lie to his assertion in his posting that everyone was laughing at him.

Everyone was laughing. But not necessarily at him.

And definitely not because of our "college" interchange.

He replied, no, he hadn't gone to college.

Now--and he never even considered THIS--I wanted to know what his educational background was. Here was a fellow whose work at PA was accomplished...

...and unlike the arrogant stupidity of those who say they've never heard of me, and never read me, and never will, snarky tots and brain-dead gamers, I'm forced to conclude...when I was apprised many months ago that my co-Guests of Honor were Gabe & Tycho, I familiarized myself with their site, their work, their contributions in the community, and the wide audience they had...

...if they did the same, for me, they gave no indication. In fact, the surly teenager made it clear from the moment we mounted the stage, that he hadn't a clue as to who I was, my fifty-plus years of work, my social activism, or anything else. Like many of his benighted generation, he thinks that being a surly teenager is the noblest state, and the world began when he came into it. He is clearly culturally and historically arid, and that's a shame, but it had nothing to do with me. I do not seek the approbation of monkeys, and that the surly teenager knows me not is as pressing a concern to me as the placement of the swirling rocks in Saturn's inner rings.

Either way, who the hell am I to belittle anyone for not having gone to college? As anyone who knows ANYTHING about me is aware, I was booted out of college after a year and a half. So if anything, I'd be championing anyone who has made a name and place for himself outside that System.

Interested, I then asked him if he'd graduated high school. I think he said yes.

The reason I'm not sure, is because the event-interlude was ending, everyone was leaving the room, Hank Graham was leaving the stage, and Mr. Tycho let him pass, leaned in to me, and said -- and I am not making this up, if Mr. Tycho would care to confirm it -- "We're not all illiterate, I know what foolscap is." I smiled. He seemed a decent sort of fellow and I was no more aware of "rudeness" blah blah blah than I was for the following two days.

But next to me, the surly teenager said, very loudly, truckling to the audience, "I love your 'Star Wars' books." The people down front, who were in the ragged queue trying to get out of the room to go down the hall to my next panel, heard the remark, and went ooooh and ahhhhh. It was a pretty lame gibe, but I've been around some of the cleverest aphorists in the world in my time, some of the wittiest and most acerbic zinger artists, from Robert Bloch and Isaac Asimov to Robin Williams and Whoopi Goldberg. Did he really think such a sophomoric lunge unhinged me? "Ellison stormed off the stage." Yeah, sure.

If I had a dime for every twerp who retold a story in which I come off like a stupefied baboon, in which I'm like the guy in the cartoon whose hat pops off and he falls headfirst out of the panel because of some sharp retort, in which the twerp making the dopey remark is so clever that "Ellison gets shut down," I'd have enough to buy Bavaria. I heard the rermark, and I replied, "Ahhh, so THAT'S how we're going to play!"

And that was the end of it. They left the stage before I did, because they were in front of me. And they went their way, and I went mine. There was no storming. By them, by me. If they were twittered by my "rudeness" they never showed how deeply they'd been excoriated.

With one exception, I never saw either of them again.

The one exception was later that day, or early the next, when I was dragooned to chair a "writers workshop." They put a bunch of us in a room, and we workshopped (I wrote a new story. Not very long, but a new one, nonetheless). At some point, it was about 4:50 PM, a gaggle of people were outside the slightly ajar door to the small meetingroom wherein we worked, and I went out and politely...

...let me say that again...



asked them to take their conversation down the hall, because it was disturbing the workshoppers inside. The surly teenager was standing there against the wall with the loud talkers. No one moved. Again, I POLITELY said, "No, really, could you move this now?" All but one of them moved away. Guess who stood there slack-jawed, staring?

What I did not know, and what NOT ONE OF THEM, including the surly teenager, said, was that they were to have taken over that room at 4:30. They had every right to be standing there. And in fact, I was ignorantly unaware that I was in a place they didn't expect me to be, asking THEM to go away!

No one on the ConCommittee had told any of us in the room that we were to be out of there by 4:30. We all thought it was a side-room, a small conference room, and that we would work till we finished. It was the usual convention scheduling gaffe.

Had anyone in that group, especially the surly teenager, opened his mouth and said ANYTHING, I'd have instantly perceived my displacement, and would have instantly moved the group to the small conference room NEXT to us, which is what Kathleen Retz of the ConCommittee did, immediately.

My apologies for encroaching on their time, my innocent error; but I was in no way discourteous. I was IGNORANT, but not rude.

When I got home, I saw the first few postings, and posted my own short reply. Apparently PA's admirers are as defensive as the surly teenager. But all they were going on was HIS slanted and culturally-cringing whine of having been dissed. This from a surly teenager who has made his mark dishing it out, though he clearly cannot take it...even when it isn't being given.

Only three things about this trouble me.

Only three.

The first, is that so many of you replied by making apologies for my alleged rudeness. You accepted his remarks at face value.

I am a courteous person, as any of you who have met me will attest. I am acerbic and express contumely only when someone starts with me. The surly teenager was dismissive of me, and insultingly arrogant, before we even exchanged greetings. The entire incident was less than two minutes in duration, but even in such a short space of time, with no provocation, he had to assert his feelings of inadequacy by pointing out he'd never heard of me.

I was not rude to him. Many of you babbled back without questioning the accuracy of the report, or --in the case of several of you--even going to their website to read the actual memoir. You were no better than his idiot monkeymass. That both surprised and dismayed me. I expect better from you.
You're smarter and more skeptical than they. You argue with me, and call me down, all the time. That's as it should be. I despise sycophants, and unlike the populist arousal of the surly teenager, sic'ing twerp hackers onto this site for "revenge" for a crime never committed...

...how many of you have ever read THE OX-BOW INCIDENT by Walter Van Tilburg Clark...?...

...you should have applied what you've experienced here over the years, and obtained the facts, gotten a different perspective, or kept your mouths shut till you knew what had really happened. Just because something appears on the internet, does not mean you are REQUIRED to add to the blather.

The second thing that troubles me is that Mr. Tycho should disrespect me with a completley bogus "assumption" that I was uncomfortable "sharing" GoHship with him and his surly teenager partner. This, again, is demonstrably codswallop, as it is standard operating procedure at EVERY convention I've attended, either as a Guest or a Guest of Honor, that there are multiple GoHs. There is a writer GoH. An artist GoH. A film or tv media GoH. And on and on. I've shared GoH "spotlight" dozens, if not hundreds, of times since 1952. Never had any problem with it. They do their thing, I do mine. Why Mr. Tycho should cobble up a reason to find me truculent even before we'd met, unmans me. It just wasn't so. But even if his "assumption" has coin, I have gone out of my way to remove him from this matter. I never insulted him then, at the Foolscap, nor in my single posted response. I described him as I'd found him: seemingly decent, mildly charming (we shared only a moment, so my impression was mild) and quite unlike his partner, who struck me then, as now, as arrogant, insecure, meanspirited, immature, a surly bully, and a classic example of that geek generation of wireheads who think theirs is the noblest state possible for a human being.

All that aside, the one last thing that troubles me...

...no, let me be candid...

The one thing that raises in me a homicidal rage, is the posting of the pustulent rodent whose handle is "Penelope"
--a remark of unforgiveable ugliness about my wife.

That none of you, after Susan's many kindnesses, never rose against this gratuitous ugliness, saddens me. That this twerp thinks s/he is beyond my reach for posting it is, well, foolhardy.

You, and the PA monkeymass, can say anything it chooses about me. I do not seek their approbation (they can look it up) or their dubious assertion that they will never read me...as if they ever had...as if they are capable of thought at that level of ratiocination.

But do not for an instant think I will not rain on you if you bring my wife into it. If Mr. Tycho, clearly in SPITE of my taking his peripheral involvement to notice, clearly in SPITE of my excluding him from this ridiculous imbroglio that began and exists only in the truculent psychosis of a surly teenager, if Mr. Tycho wishes to wade into that cesspool, it's his choice.

But NO ONE insults my honey and gets away with it.

Those who know me--Paramount, Xerox, James Cameron, AOL, assorted smartass twerps over the years--know that I will not suffer this vile behavior. I WILL rain on "Penelope." In Japan, or Moscow, or Topeka, or amid the swirling rocks of Saturn's inner rings. "Penelope" can start trumpeting inviolability now; we WILL come face to face.

This is the end of it for me. No more explanations, no more attempts to set the matter straight. Only a fool makes enemies needlessly. If Mr. Tycho wishes to discuss this like civil human beings, absent the posturing so endemic to the cowardly anonymity the web provides, he can get in touch with me personally, via telaphone or in the flesh, by contacting my webmaster, Rick Wyatt. I am open to him 24/7; I have no interest in even the merest congress with the surly teenager. He is welcome to stew in his own demeaning misinterpretations.

I'm here. And will be for, as you put it, the next 150 years.

Keep at it, Mr. Tycho; it'll take you that long even remotely to approach the niftiness of "egomaniacs" like myself.

If anyone knows how to get this to PA, or to Mr. Tycho, I would take it as a kindness for you to pass this message along.

Harlan Ellison

Gabe <gabriel@penny-arcade.com>
Seattle, wa - Tuesday, September 27 2005 14:41:10

my take
I was not aware of Harlanís history of being a jerk so I didnít know what to expect. I didnít know anything about the guy really. On the flip side he has no idea that PA is read by 3.5 million people, that we have our own convention or that we have a charity that has given more than half a million dollars to childrenís hospitals all over the country. Had we been properly introduced maybe we could have talked about the internet and the sorts of opportunities itís given artists to succeed outside the world of huge publishers. I realize there just wasnít time to sit us all down and go over everyoneís history and thatís unfortunate.

Oh well, I feel like in the end he did what heís famous for and we did what weíre famous for. I honestly think we butted heads because we are very similar. When I first saw Harlan speaking at the con I thought to myself, ďI bet thatís what Iíll be like in another 150 years.Ē

Rick Wyatt <webmaster@harlanellison.com>
- Wednesday, September 28 2005 9:5:31

If you can't say something nice....you might be an HE or PA fan
I am declaring personal attacks on Gabe and Tycho, as well as their fans, as off-limits for now. I just had to send an especially ugly one back to its poster and I will continue to do so.

You are welcome to continue to make your thoughts about Harlan Ellison and his fans, or Penny Arcade and their fans, known, and those do not have to be nice thoughts. No one is asking you to bite your tongue if you have something to say. HOWEVER, first off please bear in mind that any nastiness you direct at Gabe, Tycho, or their fans is likely to translate into more trouble for me, more work for me, and in general more pain-in-the-ass crap for me. So if you give a shit about that (it's become obvious many of you do not), bear it in mind. Also, straight up flaming and posts whose only purpose is to be nasty to Penny Arcade or its creators will be terminated with extreme prejudice.

I am making this rule because I do not have 24 hours a day to monitor this site as I had to yesterday. I am not making a similar rule for attacking Harlan or his fans because so far Harlan's fans have not made a habit of spamming thousands of messages onto Penny Arcade's boards or trying to knock the Penny Arcade site offline. In the event Gabe or Tycho let me know something like that is happening, I will take this board and the forums down for what I consider to be an appropriate amount of time.

Rick <webmaster@harlanellison.com>
- Tuesday, September 27 2005 15:19:48

The Rules
Gabe and Tycho are welcome to post here as often as needed to respond to anything as they see fit - same dispensation as is given Harlan.

As for the rest, Harlan and PA fans and non-fans alike, welcome and feel free to voice your opinions as long as you follow the clearly posted rules at the top - the most important of which is one post every 24 hours.


Hank Graham <foolscap@comcast.net>
Seattle, WA - Tuesday, September 27 2005 14:18:9

ANOTHER word from the chair

Harlan didn't put on a hat because Harlan wasn't provided with a hat. It was A JOKE. We had cheap, silly-looking jester's caps for Gabe & Tycho, and a legal pad (another type of "foolscap," for those of you who didn't know) for Harlan.

I think Harlan was mildly amused by this nonsense, as he was meant to be. (And if he wasn't, I expect he'll let me know.) The look on his face while I was handing out the hats was the setup that made the payoff worthwhile. In any event, he gave a mild smile when he saw the paper, and realized that no, I was not going to try to get him to wear a silly hat.

Gabe wasn't trying to needle Harlan when he asked if Harlan would like to wear one, I think, although it may have been perceived that way.

Due to some scheduling problems, we were not able to have Gabe & Tycho around the convention as we'd have liked. That's actually part of the reason we ended up overworking Harlan.

Among the missed opportunities there, I had hoped to have panels where all of our GOH's could meet. Gabe and Harlan are a lot more similar than they are different, and they share a lightning-fast wit I don't have, and have always envied.

They also share a basic quality of being genuinely nice guys who try to do the right thing. You can see that with Harlan's insistence to keep working the programming schedule he'd been presented, because he's a professional and he didn't want to disappoint anyone. You can also see it with Gabe & Tycho, who couldn't participate fully due to scheduling problems, and so turned down all payment for their appearance at Foolscap this weekend.

To the many partisans dismissing the works of either Harlan or Gabe and Tycho, my answer is that you should go look at what you're missing.

- Monday, September 26 2005 21:22:0

Geeewhiz, I seem to have aroused the feral bleats of Gabe & Tycho's aficionados.

Met the co-guests of honor at Foolscap for all of two minutes.

One of them seemed to me a pleasant man with a nice manner.

The other struck me as a superannuated teen-age golem with a slack jaw, a slow manner, a typical pointless surliness at a world unwilling or unable to accept him as Superlative, and on sum a twerp easy to dismiss.

But then, I'm known for my compassion.


Original posts from Gabe and Tycho on Penny Arcade" describing the "altercation".


Mon, September 26 2005 - 1:20 PM
by: Tycho

Before the convention itself got underway, Foolscap guest of honor Harlan Ellison was savaged by a parrot.

The story morphed somewhat throughout the event. The most marked departure from the canonical version was that Harlan Ellison had actually been raped by the parrot.

I don't hold to that account.

He didn't appear any worse for wear, although I am told that the bird's vocabulary is now studded with profanities, dark oaths, and shrieks of mortal pain.

Mr. Ellison

Mon, September 26 2005 - 1:23 PM
by: Gabe

I think that Harlan guy is really pissed at us.

-Gabe out

He's Not Pissed At US

Mon, September 26 2005 - 1:27 PM
by: Tycho

He's pissed at YOU. If he's pissed at me, it's simply because I know you. It was clear to me from the start that he wouldn't appreciate having to "share" guest of honor status, so to my mind an altercation was inevitable.

He's a ridiculous man, a little goblin who pokes his head out of dark holes and scowls at all the Earth. There is no room in my life for that kind of person.

Just Tell The Story

Mon, September 26 2005 - 1:33 PM
by: Tycho

I know you're dying to.

The story

Mon, September 26 2005 - 1:46 PM
by: Gabe

So Tycho and I are up in front of the audience with Harlen, and Hank (the con organizer) presents us with some jester hats (ďFoolís capsĒ). Tycho and I put ours on because we are polite, but Harlen - who is apparently too cool for school - refuses to wear his. I turn to him and say, ďDonít you want your hat?Ē and he tells me to fuck off. This caught me off guard, I mean I have no clue who this fucking coot is. Then he points to a pad of paper he has and asks if Iím aware that his paper is also called foolscap. Now, Iíve never heard that term before, I pretty much just call it paper so I shake my head ďno.Ē This really isnít a fair question. I mean, it would be like me asking him about Photoshop or if he can remember what he had for lunch. The guy was essentially setting me up to look stupid in front of all these people. So then he asks me if I even attended college and I say ďNo, I did not.Ē Then, he says ďdid you at least finish high school?Ē

I said that I had, but you couldnít really hear me because the audience is laughing at me along with Harlen. So once they stop, I turn to him and I say, ďWhile Iíve got you here I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed the Star Wars stuff you wrote.Ē

I didnít know him very well but I felt like mistaking him for someone who writes Star Wars books was the sort of insult that would cut right to his brittle old bones. The audience seemed to agree because I could hear a lot of oooooooohís and oh noís over the laughing. Some people in the front even suggested a fist fight was now in order. I look over at Harlen and heís staring at me like he wants to choke me. He then says ďso thatís how itís going to be.Ē Now keep in mind that heís the one that started hostilities when he told me to fuck off. Iím just the one that finished it. The guy tells some pretty funny stories about how witty he is and how heís always saying clever things at exactly the right moment. When confronted with someone who was unwilling to take any crap from him he had no clever retort. The great writer just glared at me and then walked off stage. I donít doubt that given enough time he could craft a perfectly worded and extremely vicious response but up there on stage in front of all his fans the man didnít have shit.

I donít blame Harlen for not knowing who I am. I honestly donít expect him to. I donít expect anyone that old to know who I am. I did expect him to be polite and at least respect the fact that I was a fellow guest of honor. That was apparently too much to ask for from the great Harlen Elison.

-Gabe Out


Mon, September 26 2005 - 2:07 PM
by: Gabe

Someone just sent me a hilarious Ellison story. Iíll just post it here for you all to enjoy. Just so weíre all on the same page, Mr. Ellison is about 4 feet tall. I suppose heís always been short but he might have been tall at some point and now heís shrinking. The same thing is happening to my Grandma.

Of course I wasn't there, but the first thing I think of when I think of insulting Harlan Ellison is to call him a little fuck. There's an old story out there (stop me if you've already heard it) about him propositioning a tall blonde woman at a party with the line, "What would you say to a little fuck?" Her answer, of course, was, "Hello little fuck."

Still gets him riled I hear.

Thanks Tom, thatís good stuff.

-Gabe out

Let's Be Clear, Here

Mon, September 26 2005 - 2:27 PM
by: Tycho

We're talking about a person that a couple total assholes find rude.


Wed, September 28 2005 - 10:29 AM
by: Gabe

One of the stories we are often asked to tell at a convention is the one regarding our ill-fated first book. I donít mind re-telling it because it really is a very funny story. I always say that we had a difference of opinion with the publisher. We thought we should be paid for the book and he thought he should keep all the money and move to Alaska. That always gets a chuckle. Inevitably someone in the back shouts ďwhatís his address?Ē This also gets a big laugh. Now I know itís just a joke. I mean, you guys would never beat someone up for usÖ but Iíve also never posted the manís address.

When I had my little on air altercation with BJ Shea you guys once again leapt to our defense. You contacted the showís advertisers in such huge numbers that I actually received a call from the station director demanding I remove my post and threatening legal action if I didnít call off the dogs. The fact is I never told you guys to do anything but I guess I should have expected it. Iím still sort of shocked by how fiercely some of you will defend us.

I got a call last night not from Harlan himself but from a sort of go between. Apparently some of you tried to destroy his website yesterday. Iím trying really hard not to smile. I certainly appreciate that many of you are pissed at Harlan but itís really not fair to take it out on his webmaster. If youíd like to post on his boards youíre certainly free to do it, Iím not going to try and stop you. I think itís important to keep your vicious insults directed at Harlan himself though.

Since the con Iíve had the opportunity to learn a little bit more about Mr. Ellison. Many of you have sent me stories about him that are pretty amazing. Heís certainly very well known in the Sci-Fi community. Honestly I think it would be cool to be friends with him. I think he might know Timothy Zahn.

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