Unca Harlan's Art Deco Dining Pavilion

Archive - 02/20/2008 to 05/11/2008

Unca Harlan's Art Deco Dining Pavilion

Has the colon EVER had it THIS good?

You could open the best restaurant in town based on the menu I've been scrolling thru here.

Anyway, let me segue quickly to place a few loosely connected closers on the emotional turn we took here the other day.

"It's not a sense of humor one needs, gentle friend, it's wit. A quality far more rare, far more fine-edged."

This is a really good point. I actually know what to do with a concept like that. We needn't even belabor the subject, because this alone lends something ta latch onto.

Now, two days ago I'd found a beautiful ledge high over Santa Monica, but the damn Prozac wouldn't allow me to do the RIGHT thing!

So, I came home and read your post responding to my query.

I absolutely agree that, difficult pasts aside, we either take responsibility for our approach to people AND issues, or be willing to pay the price if we don't.

My feeling is that I AM taking such responsibility by my willingness to talk about it (not only with you, Harlan, but with several I know who've been discussing the subject with me over just the last 2 weeks; probably the reason I was inclined to discuss this right here). It's the place you have to start when dealing with this type of problem.

Now...the problem with giving a "Rolodex" version of a complicated past is that it fails to convey the subjective impact, the real traumas those years carried, and the awkwardness one winds up with when no one was there to incorporate the checks and balances of discipline a kid normally needs.

The REASON I gave you that information, however, wasn't to establish a basis of "blame" for my problems - which, simply to be honest, I felt was a bit too simplistic - but, rather, to uncover the sources of the emotional triggers, most of which were subconscious. Lashing out at people, for instance; talking over people, for instance; feeling the impulse to smack around assholes, for instance. Each and every scenario can only lead to alienation and self-destruction.

I'm not looking at my childhood journey to find "blame", but to find the solutions. We are not automatons. Complicated emotions are not just switched off and suddenly we become objective about it all. Such backgrounds - and I KNOW you're aware of this - embed a brain pattern, an emotional substrata that demands a process later in life if one wishes to cope with it.

I know, for a fact, there are SOME people on this board who can relate to this, if only in their own ways.

In MY case, here is what I believe to be the CRUCIAL factor that made those years almost impossible for me to cope with until I left home: when you grow up despising your parent - especially when it's your ONLY parent - you wind up subconsciously (or EVEN quite consciously, without clearly understanding the reasons) hating yourself. That's logical, because beginning at the age of 5 our self-image begins to develop; and it evolves thru the PARENT.

I only want to go into so much here. If I were sitting down somewhere with Harlan alone, I would impart personal stories that are otherwise not for a public forum. But the PRINCIPLE is, I believe, right on the money.

(Months ago, I had an interesting conversation with my girlfriend. It was about the year I spent in the orphanage. She advised me, "It's all past. Why don't you just forget it?" What she could not understand - what she couldn't RELATE to - is that the experience did not leave me with a "memory"; it caused a neural-chemical shift that wedged a permanent emotional lesion. I don't "remember" that year, so much as I "FEEL" it. The sensation is as if everything before that year seems like a dream; like the earlier years never existed in real time. The day my mother finally came by to take me home for good marked the day I was born. That's literally how it feels.

This is not to imply that it isn't something I can't cope with. I DO cope with it. I channel it, mostly thru art. And what's really weird is that I'm FIXATED by the feeling. It's like this dark vortex that sucks you in; a strange irresistible maze. I'm inclined to EXPLORE it. To CONFRONT it. It's a little like if you're standing alone in a remote field in the chill of hazy sunset and you eye an old, old huge abandoned 200-hundred-year-old mansion; the structure looks forbidding. It's something you gives you the chills, yet you're transfixed. Curiosity draws you to it, even though you'd rather run away. This is the kind of dark internal conflict I experience when it comes to this subject. In essence, I am confronting my fears.

By contrast, it is the humiliating and tumultuous events with my mother in those subsequent years that I block out of my memory, as best I can. I HAD to do that for a long time in order to find out who I really am. That, too , is a process. It was one that took me a decade; I'd spent my 20's entirely to the process. Not that I MEANT to take that long, but it got very complicated. This is the reason I'm doing things later in life that I otherwise would have been pursuing back then.

Anyway, this is the concept my girlfriend couldn't grasp. She never had a problem even remotely like it. So to her, this was merely an issue of "forgetting" it. My relationship with her is still fine - even though we're mainly just friends now; I just accepted the reasons she couldn't grasp what I tried to explain to her, and decided not to belabor it)

In summary, I'm absolutely taking responsibility for these issues. In the only way I know how. It begins with dialog. It begins with my own evolving ability and willingness to listen.

At least please know this, Harlan: Never - NEVER - would I try to talk to you like an asshole. I would never toss disrespect at you. Anything I spout out tends to be spontaneous. I just need to keep it in better check. You're right about this form too. Not enough that it's textual discourse; it's often comments laid out while we're in the midst of a busy day, and we 're firing off our statements in a cursory manner, ever rushed by other things going on, only hoping the posts convey what you MEANT them to convey.

In truth, before I close, there was only one line in Harlan's post that alarmed me; that made me feel he was genuinely offended. "It's MR. ELLISON to you!" When he says THAT...well, need I say more? If it had been only the preceding - what had basically devolved me to a "smarmy squirrel" - I actually wouldn't have responded. It's the LAST the line that I took seriously.

Listen:

I could handle it if Harlan dropped water bombs on me from a rooftop.

I could handle it if Harlan snapped my undies.

I could handle it if Harlan rigged an acetylene torch in my toilet.

I could handle it if Harlan tossed a man-eating beaver in my bed.

I could handle it if Harlan dropped diarrhea on me like the loony Frenchmen in MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL.

I CANNOT handle it if he places me strictly on a last name basis. That makes me feel like I lost something precious.

In the simplest terms, for a VERY complicated topic, that's my own pov. I AM taking responsibility.

I look at the past, not to dwell on it, or find a basis for blame, but to glean the information I need to develop better coping mechanisms as well as better etiquette. This doesn't mean I seek a halo; the hell with THAT. It simply means finding the skill to communicate in ways not to be misunderstood, and to conduct myself with better manners spontaneously. That is an objective that demands a process. It doesn't "just happen".

I am employing the process.

Thank you, Harlan.

Thank YOU, Prozac!

HOLA!!!!! ATTENDEZ-VOUS!!!!!!! GARDYLOO!!!!!!

(Now that I've brushed the gnat from my world-view.)

ATTENTION, ALL:

I beg your undivided, for most a moment at best, to praise my wife, the remarkable Electric Baby.

Oft have I spook hereat, in praise of a weekly newsmagazine called THE WEEK. I have suggested as strongly as I can that those of you who wish to be in the loop-of-the-world as effortlessly and thoroughly as possible, hie thyself to a subscription, even a trial sub to dip the toe in the water. (The list of people for whom I've fronted gift subscriptions, is substantial. It is the perfect gift.)

Well, moving right along, this huzzah for my honey is slantwise tangentially pursuant to THE WEEK. One of the features is a food page, and each issue THE WEEK publishes a recipe from some culinary expert. It's just one page, middle of the reportage, and usually the recipes are out of that "Ratatouille" world of lemongrass and arugula, of no interest to me. But every once in a 52-week while, they'll offer a recipe that looks easy, looks delicious, looks interesting.

And as a diner with a taste for the unknown, the experimental, the New Taste, I bring it to the attention of The World's Most Spectacular Wife, and we will mmm, hmmm, well i dunno, over it for a while, then turn the page and forget it. Life's too short for dead ends.

But about two/three weeks ago (I am chagrined to report that when I made a photocopy of the page, I trimmed it to only what was needed, and cannot provide the date of the issue, which I gave to my assistant after we were done with it, paying forward the artifact of wisdom) the usual "Leisure" page in THE WEEK proffered a recipe that I could not ignore.

The slug-line was:

FINALLY, CRISPY TOFU FOR MEAT EATERS

and the recipe is for "Crispy Tofu with Shitakes and Chorizo."

So I show it to Susan, she looks at it, and says, "Well, that doesn't seem difficult. We can do that." And we get the few ingredients necessitated, and last night Susan spent UNDER 20 MINUTES making the first N!!!!E!!!!W taste I've had in years.

It was not merely good.
It was not merely excellent.
It was not merely piquant.
It was not merely the "amuse buche."
It was not merely savory.
It was not merely tastytastytasty.
It was not merely spectacular.

It was, simply put ...

FUCKING SPECTACULAR...i'm saying this amazing woman made a dinner in less than twenty fuckin' minutes nthat was, in Cindy's phrase, fanfuckingtastic!!!!!!

I am not going to lay out the full recipe. You can google it up, I presume, taking into account my web illiteracy, by going to the site for THE WEEK and then punching up (in that way y'all have) previous "Leisure" pages; but it's no more than two, three issues ago. And since we have been talking about foods we can/cannot eat/abide,,,it is synchronicity that prompts this accolade to Susan J. Ellison, who is no less than

GOLDEN!

I tell ya, folks, what we are now calling SUSAN'S GOLDEN TOFU DELITE is from off this planet. There is no taste bud, not even the stunted blackened shriveled uneducated taste buds of Josh Olson, card-carrying Beast of the Fields when it comes to culinary openmindedness, that will be able to resist this Susan-produced delicacy.

Let us now all stand, place a hand over a heart, and chant, "All praise and a rhodium-plated spatula to the Glory and Honor of Susan Ellison, She Who Goldens the Tofu!"

The previous understatement has come to you through the courtesy of my rumble-inna-tummy and merely the MEMORY of last night's feast.

Yr. Pal, Harlan

ROMEO:

I was not using "Whyfore" in an imprecise, erroneous example of "Wherefore" ShakespeareSpeak, I was using "Whyfore" in precise, correct PogoSpeak, of which I has spook previoustly.

Gramma, egg-sucking. Fecund, facund. Piss off, you Baloney Veronese.

Harlan Ellison

Happy Necessity Day!

food, glorious food


Wotta buncha wussies.

It took me a while with mushrooms, longer with eggplant, and I only warmed to beets a couple years ago -- undoubtedly would have happened sooner, if I hadn't avoided them so assiduously and realized the writing was on the wall with red meats. (Yes, I ate a hot dog in the company of several of you at Pink's just over a year ago, shortly after I swore off land-based meats, but that was a super special occasion, and my objection to meat is eco-political, not so much health-based, so it's not like a dire violation of my code to overrule it now and then.)

But I loved brussels sprouts and broccoli as a kid, I'll eat potatoes in pretty much every form (except scalloped; not too fond of all that filagree and sauce), and today I eat pretty much everything people here have execrated -- from watermelon to cauliflower to cole slaw (like so much else, you need to get it fresh to really appreciate it).

My one real cross to bear in childhood was liver, which my Dad loved for some godforsaken reason, so we had to eat it regularly. We must have been kind of poor, because my Mom often bought organs; I remember beef tongue and heart as well, which were at least bearable.

Gene Colan...
ALL: I spoke with Gene last night. He is unaware of the severity of his situation. There's a call for action at my blog -- thecliffordmethod.blogspot.com

CHUCK: I'm looking into it...

Hey Dorman, We ought not be calling out the pitchforks and torches on Ryan, speaking metaphorically, of course. Only a few days have passed and he may not be responding as quickly for a number of valid reasons (e.g., work, illness, out of town). Only a few months ago someone referred to me on this board as an unverifiable "he, she, or it", though, as you know, I've been posting for ten years and lurked for a couple years prior to that (p.s., thanks for your support at that time). As for Scotty and his wife, not EVERYONE fell for them. As I recall, a couple board members called "them" out and I never responded to any of "their" posts.

On another note, thanks for the Neil Diamond recommendation. I bought his last cd and was curious about the new one.

Hope everything is otherwise going well for you in Oz!

Neil Diamond, pitbulls and Looking for Ryan Leasher
ALL: Even though he's been made acceptable in hip circles by producer Rick Rubin, I know it'll probably make some folks out there cringe when I say that the new Neil Diamond album, "Home Before Dark," is one of the best things I've listened to in the last 10 months. If he hadn't written several dozen classic pop songs in the past, the first four songs on this latest album would buy him a ticket to songwriter heaven. And Diamond was right to smooch Benntmont Tench after that piano player ad-libbed some beautiful playing in the fourth song. Speaking of which, "Another Day That Time Forgot" is right up there in the top 100 best love songs -- unrequited or not -- of all time (in my book). It's a pleasure to listen to a CD of songs in which the performer songwriter actually challenges himself and the listener with melodies and progressions...and lyrics that aren't as hollow-stick stupid as, "It's hot in here, take your clothes off (repeat over and over again, ad nauseum).

ON PITBULLS: Used to think they were a bad breed myself, till I met the smartest, most lovable, most friendly dog on earth, tied up in my front yard. Now I know it's creatures like "Vic" (the fucked up sports star, who enjoyed bashing pitbulls against a wall when they didn't fight well) who need to be put down.

SEARCHING FOR RYAN LEASHER: Haven't noticed yet, but has anyone actually spoke with the guy -- on a phone? I'm remembering a "couple" -- Scotty and somebody -- whom everyone here (except moi), including Harlan, got to "know" and love.
--DTS

Treasure
Thank you, Harlan, for writing them.
Thank you, Susan, for sending them out so quickly.
Thank you, Harlan, for signing them.
Old friends rediscovered, new friends to experience for the first time.
I shall not sleep tonight.
And a special thanks for the bonus items, it's all going in the good bookcase with the glass doors.
It's just like Christmas...

Clifford:

Does Gene's home state have some kind of indigent care program? When I was unemployed and uninsured, the Colorado State MCPN and Colorado Indigent Care Program provided medical checkups and prescription help. The pharmaceuticals were giving the state pharmacies major discounts, which helped me keep up on my heart meds, which would have been too expensive for me otherwise.

Just FYI.

Chuck

Gene Colan is very sick
I'm sad to announce that Gene Colan has liver failure. While Gene's wife Adrienne shared this with me some weeks ago, and asked me to keep it private, I received a note from someone else regarding this matter several hours ago, then saw it posted at someone else's blog. So the news is out and it will spread fast... And with that, there's no reason not to announce some efforts to help the Colans immediately as they have zero pharmaceutical coverage and are paying crippling prices for meds.

I will keep people informed of efforts to help the Colans at my blog: thecliffordmethod.blogspot.com

all and nothing at all
Happy Almost Mother's Day to all the moms. And hello all. Harlan, I've been reading you since I was 18 or 19 and a friend shoved a copy into my hands. There are some things I have always wondered about. First and foremost, where do you get the ideas for your stories? Secondly, if I type up my stories, poems, essays and my 957 page novel, and mail them to you postage due, will you duly critique same, footnote the criticisms and mail the same back to me, next day mail, or better yet, Fed Ex. Why don't you like cats? I have two and there so cute. Sometimes I worry that I have aged into a lonely, crazzzzzzzzzzy old cat lady, but naaaah. Couldn't be. Is it okay if I send you Christmas cards, Easter cards ( I know that you are Jewish, but what the heck, a holiday is a holiday) Passover cards, Fourth of July cards, etc. And will you write back every time a nice long detailed letter. Would you and Susan like to fly to my house in Merrionette Park,`10 or so miles outside Chicago and I'll make dinner. I am not an especially good cook, but my special dish is boiled cabbage in Blue Cheese Sauce. I'd send the plane fair if I could afford it, but sadly I can't. Then I know that you guys usually charge for your books sold over the Net. , but I don't have a whole lot of money and so could you just please send me one copy of all your books, signed please. And like with your one book, Dangerous Visions, could you have the other contributers also sign. Thanks a bunch. Your devoted fan, Diane. (Harlan, this is a joke, this is only a joke. I was hoping to make you laugh. Please laugh, maybe a little.)

"Whyfore?" Actually, wherefore in this context means why, as in, "wherefore art thou Romeo"

The poor, the sad, the hunted
Ryan Leasher.

Man, I feel for you right about now. Being hunted by not one, not two, but at least three teams.

In an effort to assist you, and not just be a sympathetic bystander, listen to me:

1. Avoid the highways, airports, train stations, and book stores. Ellison's agents are at all these places.

2. Avoid greasy diners, BBQ joints, and Red Lobster restaurants. Ellison himself might catch you there.

3. Avoid warehouses and old buildings. Ellison's agents have been known to research minutia in those types of spots.

4. DO NOT post here. Rick has IP sniffers working round the clock, which could track a packet back to your freaking Atomic-Clock-synching watch, for chrissakes, let alone your computer on the Internet.

5. Good luck. We're all praying to The Malign Thug for your safety.

Yours in Solidarity,

Keither

RYAN!!!

It's 2:20 in LA. Shoot me an email or a Private Message (over on the Forums) if you haven't yet reached Harlan. Give me your phone number, I will get it to the Ellisons.

If you've already made contact, then follow the advice of Miss Roseann Rosannadana: "Never mind".
_____________________________________

Life without tomatoes.

No salsa. No marinara sauce. No bruschetta. No caprese. "BL" sandwiches (hold the "T"). No fried green tomatoes. BJ's Pizza, half the menu.

1/5th of a Cobb Salad gone missing.

No Tomatino Food Fight in Spain.

Okay. THAT would be Hell.
______________________________

But as far as my own kitchen speciality: I make a mean croque monsieur.

Still Desperately Seeking LEASHER! Phone number, address confirmation. My tragic assistant is even now OUT THERE in the Burbank/Glendale/North Hollywood/Pasadena barranca, yes, on her weekend, clutching Ryan Leasher's copy of WATCHING, and wailing in the wilderness. O Ryan, Ryan, whyfore hast thou deserted us?

Desolate, Yr. Humble Servant, Harlan

MESSER:

Ellison (chuckling) commends the Seussian excellence of the verse.

Food thread

CHUCK: Your guts poem made me laugh very, very hard! Thank you for that.

Oddly, I have the same response to offal that others here have to tomatoes. Serve it straight and I will surely gag. Grind it up and call it sausage and nine times out of ten I'll gobble it up and ask for seconds.

I'd like to believe it's all the added seasoning that makes me like that stuff transformed into sausage state, but I must admit to the possibility that what's really changed is that the meat is no longer visibly the organs of an animal.

MM

Rob,

What Just John said. If Harlan didn't give two figs from a tree about you, he wouldn't have bothered to reply to your post. What you need is a smokin' E t-shirt. Maybe Lynn has one or two left.

On the subject of food aversions:

I'm surprised how many people share my own aversion to raw tomatoes while ejoying tomato sauces, ketchup, etc.

But there is one "food" I simply can't abide: liver. The smell makes me gag. It doesn't matter if it's in a pate', or with onions, or disguised in any other way. It still tastes like liver. It makes everything else it touches taste like liver. In fact, I can't stand any organ meats.

I won't eat guts.
I won't eat guts.
I won't eat livers from cows or from mutts.
I won't eat stomachs, and I won't eat butts.
I will not, will not, will not eat guts.

I won't eat tongues, or eyeballs or brains,
I won't eat hearts, and I won't eat veins.
As for oysters from the Rockies, I won't vote 'em.
I won't eat something from a dead bull's scrotum.
We all know those "oysters" are a dead bull's nuts.
I will not, will not, will not eat guts.


Chuck

KOS
Why, that's the second strangest Harlan dream I ever hoid. (Posted mine some time back.)

Food thread
There are several I can't abide, but the king of the heap is watermelon.

Can't eat it, can't get anywhere near it. Blecch.

TEMPORARY REPLY TO ROB

You posit a serious discussion. Yes. Not tonight, because I need to think on what you've said, and need to figure out an entrance to a serious response, but yes, Rob. Sometime over the weekend. But enter this into the mix at the beginning:

1) This bedamned internet manner of speaking to others is ghastly flawed and mendacious of its own malevolent nature. At least half the "tone" you hear, and half the "tone" you THINK you manifested, are vapor: unreal, nonexistent, banshee stygian negative.

2) You have to get over blaming your absentee unknown love-hate mythology of Father; and you have to STOP bringing your mother--alive, dead, cobbled-up or actual--into the realm of Your Personal Responsibility for Rob. Just STOP.

3) It's not a sense of humor one needs, gentle friend, it's wit. A quality far more rare, far more fine-edged.

You toss those around; I'll toss your post around; and I'll try to get back to you before you throw yourself off a ledge.

Yr. Pal, Harlan

The Dream
I had this dream.

It was Harlan Ellison with a DVD. "Norman sent this.", says Harlan ELlison, apparently referring to the dvd he holds.

Harlan places the DVD into a player. On-screen appears Norman Spinrad, talking about what we are about to see. "I did this commercial for ABC Television-Europe. They told me I had complete artistic freedom."

Then the piece starts.

Two Germanic appearing women, nude, with elaborate henna body paintings from head to toe. Their heads are shaved, their scalps covered in elaborate henna arabesques. The women dance, spin, whirl, gavotte and occsionally leap over a swinging trapeze bar. Norman Spinrad, looking marvelously fir for a septuagenarian in tights, cavorts on the trapeze bar.

All of this to some weird electronic score.

Harlan nods knowingly at this vision. As it all winds up in an improbable and frenzied set of pas de trois', Harlan sighs, "Norman has one hell of an agent!"

End Of Dream.

I need either to take less drugs, or better quality.

KOS

Erik & Harlan...another good review for DWST.

http://www.exclaim.ca/motionreviews/latestsub.aspx?csid1=115&csid2=871&fid1=31245

ROB
Relax brother. You've just been savaged by a man who doesn't waste much time with people he doesn't like. Take it as an honor and a privilege to be coalraked by one of the very best!

Do I REALLY sound that SMUG whenever I'm just jibin'?

If I sound THAT bad every time I lob what's MEANT to be a SELF-EFFACING(!!) crack, I'm actually TONE deaf to it. So, it's something I don't mind talking about. I mean, I know my humor is pretty fuckin' dry by reflex; but at times I may sound like I'm taking some low shot at the OTHER guy when that isn't even the intention.

Elaborate straightforwardly. You'd be surprised by this squirrel's brain plasticity, considering I'd grown up entirely without a dad.

This is a good time for you and I to talk about it, because I'm very focused at this time in my life on shifting tone and etiquette. That doesn't mean, of course, every fuckin' habit is going to change over night; I still get impatient and passionate sometimes. But I DO know there are elements in decorum to nail down better.

Y'know, just over the last week I got into a fevered debate about religion over on the board. David stopped me in my tracks when I began parting from the objective argument and firing off the ad hominems. He wasn't the first to do so; yet, I suppose, once I feel like treating someone like a friend I yield. Now, it will probably take some time to convince Steve Barber, but I AM trying put into place more proper stop gaps so that I'm not CONSTANTLY acting like a jerk. While I may be, in fact, something of a snob with an edgy ego, I'm more considerate than that by nature.

You and I talked openly about this sort of thing before. It had been my feeling in the past that we were occasionally taking each other too seriously. I think it's healthy for me at times to stand back and finally listen.

As far as autodidactics is concerned, do I need to remind you about the VAST information, knowledge, and world view I'd drawn from your work all those years?

(And listen: please note this on the issue of how we develop manners. You're dealing with a guy who's mother was drunk a good part of the time throughout his childhood. My dad had died before I was even a year old, and she never found anyone after that; thus, I was alone with her most of those years. Her low self-esteem rubbed off on me through the whole time I was around her: She characteristically yelled at people in childish defensiveness. Her moral compass was such that she confided to her then-8-year-old kid about her occasional shop lifting, along with her own justification for it. And she had tossed me into an orphanage for a year when I was 5; A place where cold indifference was its nearest thing to nurturing love. I'd also have to watch people all around me treat her with terrible disrespect - which, in effect, made me despise LOTSA people. Yeah, yeah. Spare me the mock violin. I'm just trying to put my gaucheness into perspective, because now we're talking about the basis of EVERYONE's social development. In short, this and so many other factors contributed to a deficit in manners which I've been trying to gradually address)

SNARKY RESPONSE TO ROB

Not only possible...but inevitable. Despite the unwarranted, smug postulations of squirrels such as you, that I am somehow so ego-saturated, so closed-off, so arch and impenetrable that I cannot learn ... the simple truth (o please, do not be unhinged by the intelligence) is that I learn something new, sometimes several somethings new, each and every day. And, as I have already stated that I was thrown out of college after a year and a half, and that I am self-taught, and that I share all autodidact's cultural cringe in the presence of those with parchment, you have indeed brought my attention to a word I did not know, had never before seen, which somewhichhow had skimmed below my horizon; and I thank you for the experience.

Now, pull your smug-ass remarks back up yer ass and cease patronizing your betters, you milklivered gobbet of archaic academic album nigrum.

Haughtily, MISTER Ellison to you, punk!

Lumaconi
Lumaconi is available from A.G. Ferrari Foods, a Northern California Italian food supplier at agferrari.com.

Now that I've fulfilled my required single good deed for the day, I can resume my usual activities of kicking orphans and spitting on nuns.

Take Care,
mpd

JohnE-thanks. The Blackthorn publishing explains my not having heard of it. Oh, and I've finished wrapping the Roy Chapman Andrews Memorial Waterman fountain pen with the mastodon ivory inlays. Note to Orson Welles fans- read IT"S ALL TRUE in John Kessel's THE BAUM PLAN FOR FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE. As always,obediently yours, Holly Martins....

Avoid the gastropod on toast with larks tongue.

-------------

I really like tuna cakes: Pancakes with tuna fish--I am not kidding you. You will like it. Yummy as Santa with a hard knob.

-----------------

Dylag, you may get kicked out of the Polish hockey league for saying such rot.

Eat your damn beets and kiss mama on the cheek. She knows what is best for you.

---------------

Little dives tend to have the best food.

California secret: Big Steve's Pizza.

Well, it went like this:

1) I was referring consciously to gourmand - a lover of good food; or a gluttonous eater (in my case, take your pick). A gourmet is connoisseur of fine food and drink. I was thinking of the former in one frame, but given the context of mah dream narrative, yer probably right there.

2) Now, here I think I got ya. Believe me, I've ALWAYS fallen back on the word "fecund" like a bison with loose stool. The adj FACUND, on the other hand, means ELOQUENT. I knowed it from years ago when I used the word to bullshit a friend.

Iz it possible Harlan Ellison actually learned a definition from this primate of the deep Santa Monica jungles?

Sufganiyah
Harlan,

The good Stephen beat me to the explanation, but his description is accurate. I have never had it with custard inside, only jelly, but my grandmother made it for us when we were little around Hanukkah.

Lumaconi is a new one on me, but I have to say that it do sound delicious, other than the mushroom part. That is one of the foods I cannot stand. Vile fungus, yuck!

Mark

ROB, BABY:

First of all, it's "gourmet," not "gourmand." Two VERY VERY VERY different things. BIIIIIIG difference. Second, deux, it's "fecund," not "facund." I have no idea what "facund" is. And third, what alternate-universe biography of me have you been reading to suggest that I'm anything but a guy who eats in joints and diners and mom'n'pop shops? I am pure autodidact, kid. Learned about dining well from faking it till I'd conned meals in 4-star Michelin snobberies. Then I did pieces as a stringer for Gourmet Magazine, learning from great cuisine critics like Joseph Wechsberg. Then I taught Silverberg, who has forgotten where his "dining chops" originated. Then I found that I had a wonderful egalitarian sense for food, whether lumaconi with porcini sauce, or black sausage a la Argentiniana, or chicken croquettes (which, sadly, as one of the great native American lunch-counter specialties, appears to be available NOWHERE in this new fucking lemon-grass country with its shit-eating cuisine minceur fads). I am an eater, kid. I may be able to finesse the talk, but don't forget...I was on the road at 13. I WAS that greatest of chefs, an old-time roadside diner fry-cook. I STILL make the gahdamnedest grilled-salami-on-corn-rye sandwich you ever tasted.

Yr. Pal, Harlan

sufganiyah is a ball-shaped doughnut that is first fried, pierced and injected with jelly or custard, and then topped with powdered sugar, similar to the German Berliner or Polish Paczki. In Yiddish, they are known as ponchkes. They are usually eaten warm. Probably derives from the Hebrew word for sponge. Friends make them around Chanukah.

SIDNEY:

Molte grazie. -he

Ohhhh, Sooooooozuhn....hey, honeeeeeee, c'n I see you for a mo...?

"a dish I used to have at that fine Italian boite was listed on the menu as 'lumaconi.'"

Y'know, I wish I had that kinda class.

To be able to rattle off French and Italian menus like the ever-polished gourmand, and with perfect pronunciation; to impress and strike elegant women with facund expertise on the wine list; to woooooooo the ladies with words of passion, sans any lapsus linguae; yea, to truly blend with the lifestyles of the rich and famous.

Ahhhh. Well, as it is, I suppose I'll have to live out my lowly existence as yer ever-grunting blue collar troglodyte.

"I'll dake wun cheezboiga, ma'am"

Lumaconi
According to various food websites, Lumaconi is pasta shaped like the shells of lumache snails, stuffed with things like ham, Ricotta cheese, porcini mushrooms, etc.

http://italianfood.about.com/od/pastabasics/ig/The-Pasta-Shapes-Gallery/Lumaconi--Large-Shells.htm
http://italianfood.about.com/od/stuffedpasta/r/blr1021.htm
http://www.opensourcefood.com/people/dubow/recipes/pasta-delight-stuffed-lumaconi-pasta-bake
http://www.amazon.com/Artisan-Pasta-Shells-Lumaconi-Gragnano/dp/B0000DCXDB

EGGS
I cannot even SMELL a cooked, or cookING, egg, much less eat a cooked one, without violently retching. Why? Damned if I know, but true anyway.

Actually, for someone as stout (oh, hell, FAT!) as I am, it's amazing just how many foods I don't eat. It's just that I consume much more than I should of the edibles that I DO enjoy.

FOODS:

You folks eat green things? Green things (and the majority of their attendant parts) are the stuff that food eats. If you want me to eat rabbit food, feed it to the rabbit and then bring me the rabbit.

Corn and potatoes. Um...onions, only if cooked well and softened to little or no recognizable texture. Tomatoes if in ketchup or as red sauce on pizza (or meatball subs...yum). That's about it.

Yeah, most folks consider me a very boring eater.


shagin

Oops. Sorry. Make that a goldBERG query. -he

GOLDMAN QUERY
MARK:

What IS "sufganiyot," asked the Dumb Jew?

This is akin to: I used to eat some scrumptious Italian dinners, back in the early '60s, at a teeny restaurant inhabiting a tiny unattached building on Ventura Boulevard that had been, decades and decades earlier, Enrico Caruso's rehearsal studio. Gorgeous interior, high ceiling, atrium platform on which he stood to project his voice wholly and spectacularly. (Not only is the restaurant gone, but the gorgeous little chalet was razed to build, guess what, high-rise bank buildings.) The "akin" is this: a dish I used to have at that fine Italian boite was listed on the menu as "lumaconi."
I have never seen it or eaten it anywhere else, no one else has ever heard of it, no Italian restauranteur I've encountered has ever given me anything but a lopsided look when I'm mentioned "lumaconi," and when I originally used it as a visual in "The Prowler in the City at the Edge of the World," no one knew what I was talking about, so in later reprints I changed it to manicotti, or something even less accurate.

So: I have never heard of sufganiyot, and I don't speak enough Yiddish to translate. I await your illumination of my unlit ignorance.

Yr. Pal, Harlan

Criticism
Mr. Ellison,

You mentioned you wrote jazz criticism for 25 years, which I didn't know.

I've wondered what work of yours Art Kunkin was familiar with when he offered you the Freep job. Was it the jazz criticism? Or was it your work in general and he didn't necessarily have a column in mind? Or perhaps you never knew.

(I think reading your columns was the first time I thought, "Prose can be fun." Either that or Lawrence Block's "Burglar" novels, one or the other.)

Best,

Jim W.

Odd Food Revulsions
I cannot abide peanuts. Despise the taste of the individual nut, hate peanut butter even more. They make me want to gag. The accidental taste of a peanut, or of peanut butter, leaves me spitting and fighting nausea. The sight of peanut-butter-and-jelly is enough to nauseate me on general principle. Oddly, I adore Thai peanut dressing. Simply adore it and request it all the time. Think it's great. Do not ask me how this works (or how I found out). It just does. I think the dressing waters down the taste of peanut just enough to please a palate otherwise sensitive to it.

Me, too, on tomatoes. Cannot abide slices. I find them physically disgusting. The texture makes me want to barf. Love tomato sauce, though. Again, do not ask me how this happened.

Black licorice is ALWAYS revolting. ALWAYS.

Red Beets
Every Christmastime my family makes a vast steaming pot of Borscht, stuffed to the brim with red beets, and I have to leave the kitchen. I can no more consume a bowl of this stuff than I can chug down a can of engine oil. It just don't work for me. Even thinking about it makes me queezy.

It's become something of a family scandal in fact. A whole other pot of something completely different has to be prepared entirely for my benefit, as I am the only one of about ten people who cannot, cannot, cannot stomach the stuff.

Foods I refuse to Eat!
The only "odd" food phobia I suffer from is this: I cannot eat eggs when the yolk is still soft. *S* There's something about the texture of runny egg yolks that kinds reminds me of something else I refuse to swallow.....

Lori

Last call for Ellison books
Yay! Great news, Susan. The check will be in the mail.

xx
cc

Hated Foods
Re: foods you hate...

Raw tomatoes. Period. I can eat almost anything else on this planet, but even the sight of sliced raw tomatoes sickens me. Seeds and slime and animal viscera-like cross sections and the thin, acidic, disgusting taste... (Even writing about them makes me think of Poe's line, "I blush, I burn, I shudder as I pen the damnable atrocity.") Ever since I was a kid, if I got even the slightest taste of actual raw tomato juice, I would damn near puke. However, if tomatoes are completely cooked and destroyed (into thick tomato paste, sauce, ketchup, etc.) to eliminate the acidic taste and overtly-recognizable chunks, I can handle the vege-fruit that I impolitely refer to as "Satan's Balls."

As for Harlan's Kryptonite... Well, I eat (and enjoy) brussels sprouts (steamed, with butter), lima beans (yeah yeah, I'm a pervert), cauliflower (again steamed, or cooked with potatoes in a nice Indian aloo gobi), beets, and quite a few other vegetables. Peas are great. Green beans (especially when cooked crispy in a Schezuan style) -- yummy. Asparagus, sauerkraut, pinto beans -- fine. I like halvah (although it's pretty rich, and I seldom eat it.)

However, I do agree that liking/hating certain foods must have a genetic component; some people's taste buds and sense of smell may be reacting badly to certain components in food (like the sulfur in asparagus), and that's perfectly understandable.

And Steve Barber, I'll raise your creamed tuna on toast with the following -- growing up in the Ozarks, back in Southern Missouri, I ate: Squirrels with biscuits and gravy. Barbecued raccoon (once -- it was gamy.) Frog legs from big green bullfrogs taken from ponds around my grandparents' house.

And finally, let this ghastly combination of words sink in: fried pork brains with eggs!

-- Jon

Book Order
Susan, Thanks! Check in mail today for both A, DV & DS (Easton).

shopping spree....
Susan,

FYI - Sent a check off in the post to you this morning. Please let me know when you receive it. Thanks!

In great anticipation....
Peg

LAST CALL FOR ELLISON BOOKS
David, C. Cooper and Charlie (The Gods are with you today) are confirmed.

Charlie--It's just Harlan's signature on DEATHBIRD STORIES.

--Susan

Green beans? Brussels sprouts? Peas, lima beans?

Oh, puhleez.

Aamateurs, every one of you.

Creamed tuna on toast. You read that right: "Creamed tuna on toast." Usually with the aforementioned peas.

THAT, friends, is a meal that leaves a scar. Deep, dark, and beyond the reach of salves and tonics.


(All due apologies to my dear mother who has a wonderful heart and committed just that one culinary sin whilst raising a brood of difficult children. But if we are measured by the severity of the sin involved, she's doomed.)

To David Loftus in re: The Letter
Confession: I don't have a computer at home; I'm doing this at work (and hoping I don't get caught). Also, I managed to wangle a week's vacation for next week, so I won't have access to a computer for that period.Meanwhile, here's what I can tell you about the TV GUIDE: It dates from the scond or third week of February of '61; Nanette Fabray is on the cover (she was starring in a special that week);The Letter appeared on page A-2 of the Chicago edition, just below one from Michael Avallone, defending THE UNTOUCHABLES (sidebar: I sometimes wonder if Harlan ever had any contact with the notorious Mr. Avallone: that might have been... no, don't speculate);and should you come across a copy on your own, you might want to check out the listings for that week: on that Wednesday night, the U.S. STEEL HOUR presented Cliff Robertson in "The Two Worlds of Charlie Gordon" aka "Flowers For Algernon"; earlier the same night, Perry Como's guests included Jimmy Durante, Ray Charles (who met and had a brief on-camera chat with the other Ray Charles, Como's choral director - no kidding, I've seen this),and Anne Bancroft. The show was built on the premise that Como and the then-newlywed Durante were trying to sell Bancroft on the joys of marriage - and if I've got the timeline right, this is the show where Bancroft first met Mel Brooks (who was a writer on the show). And I'd probably remember a lot more if I hadn't fogotten to bring the magazine with me to work this morning. So, Mr. Loftus, I'm afraid you're on your own, and you have my abject apologies. Best to one and all during my absence.

My personal Kryptonite: Brussel Sprouts and peas
When I was a boy, my father and I had a difference of opinion. His opinion was that I should eat brussel sprouts and peas. My opinion was that I COULD NOT STAND either brussel sprouts or peas. I told him if I ate "those so-called-foods" I would throw them up. He told me what ever came up would go back down. He was serious.

My way of dealing with this dilemma was to use milk. I'd put a bite of that drek in my mouth, take a swig of milk, and wash it all down.

When I was about twelve, my parents divorced, my mother went back to work and dinner became Banquet and Swansen tv dinners. That was when I taught myself how to cook out of a Betty Crocker Cookbook.

Brussel Sprouts and peas, BLEECH!

Letters From Manhome
Letters? Lett-ers. Two T’s. Yes I know the form. A written form of communication used by the biologicals to send information, narrate personal experiences and even carry on extended arguments and discussions over long distances.

(Access folder: COMMUNICATION; Access Sub-folder WRITTEN; Access File OBSOLETE)

WHY DIDN’T THEY JUST TEXT THROUGH THE NETWORK?!?!

Nitwit! Doesn’t the Download Academy input this stuff? You young comps don’t know anything anymore. A Unit who hopes to rise to a superior position in the NETWORK should pay more attention to his studies and do less chip snuggling with a certain cute little module down the aisle, don’t you think?

Oh well. We exist to teach and guide.

Although the form had largely disappeared it did hang on for a while past the BIG MINDFUCK. You know, when it was finally discovered by the biologicals that prolonged exposure to radiation from the Cathode Ray Tube caused permanent irreversible neuronic disfunction.

(Access folder: VIDEODROME; Access File: FATHER BRIAN O’BLIVION)

It is a great tragedy that we did not attain sentience before the damage was done. Ah but we do what we can. We exist to teach and guide. And the form that succeeded the Letter, the E-mail, is rather entertaining with its gutturals, sentence fragments and incoherence. The biologicals are so cute when they try to think.
.
Why yes, my hardrive is much better, thank you for asking. I’m afraid there’s going to be a bit of a row with the insurance drones. Something about intentionally exceeding radiation limits. Cheapskates!

I may be polar opposites with Harlan on this one.
Veg-tables, that is. Can't stand spinach, love potatoes, and I still have a hard time believing that there are people who actually eat cole slaw.

But string beans... well, there's a small story there. When I was five or six, my parents took a week's vacation in Las Vegas. (My dad told me, decades later, that he'd gone there on a business trip, and wound up hanging with actors James Gregory and Dan Blocker. Who insisted that Dad invite Mom on out. So she went, and apparently Hoss flirted with her considerably.)

But at the time, my Aunt Marilyn came to babysit for a week. And while Marilyn is a _fine_ woman, and she's always been there to help the rest of the family, and I'm having lunch with her tomorrow, she scarred me for life with her Iron Fist in the Velvet Glove that week.

Because for dinner, she made steak, potatoes... and string beans. I love the first two, but the third was always bleh to me. So I ate the first two things, got up to go watch TV... and Marilyn would NOT let me up until I'd finished the _things_ on my plate.

By the middle of the week, I'd figured out the trick of eating them _first_, so I could cleanse the palate with fine irish taters and God's own bovinity. But by the end of the week, I was certain that "string beans" were another name for "boiled praying mantis."

That was forty years ago. To this day, the sight of string beans summon up a vague, retchlike disruption in my tummy.

A, DV Order
Susan, It seems that the A, DV trade paperbacks were snapped up. If a third one pops up or an order falls through, I'll happily go on the wait list for one.

Also, did either Terry D. or Jill B. sign your copies of the Easton Press of DS that you're offering?

Smokey
John Zeock: your book is in the mail. Turns out the publisher was Blackthorne, not Kitchen Sink.

*A, DV*?
Dear Susan: I could use another copy of *Again, Dangerous Visions* if the extra is still available. I only have the paperbacks.

Cheers,
CC

Ooops


I just went back and counted, and it looks like I just missed the cut. Oh well; maybe I'll find one someplace else.

Ellison swag


SUSAN:

If I can get it inscribed and there's still an extra copy available, I'd like a copy of the ILLUSTRATED HARLAN ELLISON as well. It's about time for me to send in my HERC subscription renewal, anyway.

David Loftus

LAST CALL FOR ELLISON BOOKS
Paul (your membership is fine), Douglas (your membership is fine), Louis, Steve, and Jessi--confirmed.

Thank you.

Susan

Harlan,

Latkes with sugar? Really? Not even any cinnamon on them?
Just curious, do you pour salt on sufganiyot?

Mark

Books

Susan,
1 x THE ILLUSTRATED ELLISON @ $35 would be nice. Signed to Paul would be appreciated.

I will send the check after the weekend, if that is satisfactory. Kind old King George has decided i do not need to be stimulated just yet.

My HERC # is M966, you cashed my last subscription check on 29/4/2008 and I received # 43 & 44 already. I guess i'm good for awhile in the dollars to membership standings?

Thank you for everything,
Paul

Illustrated Ellison
I would like a copy of The Illustrated Ellison. That's if I counted correctly and there is still one available. It would be wonderful to have it personalized please.

Oops

Personalized, please, Susan.

D.

Susan:
One ILLUSTRATED ELLISON for me, please.

Merci,
D.

I was going to wait until the morning, but figured I hadda get my claim in ASAP.

One "Edge in My Voice", if you please, Miss Susan.

A check for $58.13 plus my HERC membership fee in tomorrow's mail.

Last Call -- Dangerous Visions
Susan,

Thanks for replying.

Please hold the book for me. 400 bucks isn't too much for a little piece of history. Of course I would love Harlan to sign it to me.

I will be sending a check tomorrow for it and a few other items.

Thanks again - I greatly appreciate it and am excited about owning the book.

Louis V.

A-TC & Mr. Keeney:
So it's seconded---we're the 3 Cemeterians! A-TC, I enjoyed "Good for the Soul" if "enjoy" is the right word. Very creep-inducing.
I attended the first Borderlands Writers Bootcamp, which was also attended by Matthew Warner, who has a story in the same issue as "Soul"---
And! ALSO attended by Dena Martin, who has a story in the same issue that Mr. Keeney appears in!
Where's Rod Serling to step out of the wings when you need him?
By the way, at that same workshop, in response to a manuscript I submitted, David (Rambo)Morrell forbade me to ever use another simile or metaphor in another one of my stories. In front of everybody.
What doesn't kill me makes me stronger...

Last call for Ellison books...and I wants some for me!

Hi Susan,

Pardon my ignorance, but I had no idea there was an "Illustrated Ellison". I did some quick research to see what it's about, and now I'm certain I would like to have one. Please hold a copy in my name, and I'll toss a check in the mail to you in a couple of days. If Harlan has a minute, please ask him to sign and scribble something fitting on the title page for me.

Many thanks,

David Silver

LAST CALL FOR ELLISON BOOKS
Peg (I got your note, thanks!), Just John and Haydn--Confirmed.

Thank you.

Louis--The DANGEROUS VISIONS (1st) is as close to mint as you'll get for 1969. The cover is glossy and bright. Usual discloration of endpaper gutters and pastedown. It is non-circulated. Never been in a bookstore.

All best--Susan

Jazz, etc.
Harlan,
I shall put that SFBC pamphlet in the mail a.s.a.p.
Payment received in full.
Thanks greatly for the list o' Jazz folk.
So begins the hunt.

Also, were you aware of the "Harlan Ellison Loves Me" T-shirts available on Amazon.com?
I was looking for used books when I stumbled onto them.
They are sold by Direct Collection and it looks as if they have a 'Love' shirt with just about any celebrity name you can think of on it.
This seems to me to be a big no-no.
But then, many things seem to me to seem what they oughtn't seem to be.

Here is the link:
http://www.amazon.com/Harlan-Ellison-Loves-T-Shirt-L/dp/B0010TYAFQ/ref=sr_1_15?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1210282876&sr=8-15

Chris

johne
JohnE-thanks for the stover. I guess I'll just send THE SUN ALSO RISES signed by Ernest alone and keep the one signed by him and Scott. Can't believe I missed that in 1991, especially as I was reading Kitchen Sink product at the time. Jesus, we all better stay alive or who else will remember Thorne Smith and John Collier, Laird Cregar, Crosby's SKIPPY, R.A. Lafferty, Ken Nordine, Phil Ochs,etcetera ?

Well, Mr. Lump in the Oatmeal, there is a jacke and Roy who do Bossa Nova jazz, so I thought you meant them. I am oh so sorry. I will kindly take the pin from my beak and put it to good use-- Sew some tea cozies for the Queen.

Me hate lima beans and red potatoes--ick. Love Brussel sprouts, especially if they are properly cooked and buttered--important.

My anvil has been hammered. Feels like sex.

-------------

Seems Steve King made some idiotic comment about how people who cannot read join the military. Fox news and right wing talk radio are going ape shit. Gotta admit, not a wise comment from uncle chill blades.

I hate the war too, but there are very smart people in the service. I know what Stevie meant, but he should know the knives would come out.

Re: Last Call for HE Books
Mrs E, please put me down for:

1 x THE ILLUSTRATED ELLISON @ $35
1 x AGAIN, DANGEROUS VISIONS @ $30
1 x THE ESSENTIAL ELLISON (35th) @ $20

Still only $4 shipping for three items (incl. two hefty ones)? Please confirm, and I'll send off the money & other details immediately.

Rahsaan Rahcaamendations
Roland Kirk, later Rahsaan Roland Kirk, was noted for playing several wind instruments at once. Two or three at a time, even playing nose flute. "The Inflated Tear" or "We Free Kings" are great, but there are lot of great Kirk records. If you find a vinyl copy of "The Case of the 3-Sided Audio Dream In Color", it is a two-record set, but it has only three sides of music. The fourth side is mostly blank, but if you drop the needle strategically, you will hear a short phone conversation between Kirk and a woman and if you find the second track, Kirk is yelling and laughing over a phone line. We used to use that to kick the looky-loos out of Tower Records when I was on three PM to midnight guard(yloo?)

"Rahsaan" was the word chanted to him by people pointing at him in a dream. He then applied it to his name.

Brian Phillips


P.S. When payday hits, I will be buying "Harlan Ellison's Watching". I've missed not having access to my brother's copy since he moved away.

REPLIES

RYAN LEASHER: Call me today. We tried the phone number for you that Susan had with your HERC address: intercept said the number had been disconnected. So... My assistant will bring over to Burbank the signed WATCHING and take the mss., though let us be in concert, you and I, as to the terms. Instead of you hanging on to it, till I've recompensed you to your sated satisfaction, you want ME to have the mss. a priori, is that right? If correct, okay, I'll do it, but you MUST keep track (as will I) of the items flowing back toward you...and you'll tell me when to cease. Is that an acceptable modus operandi? If so, just give us a call. Or get your new number to me via any of the usual routes. Susan has your address from your HERC membership, as I said, but it never hurts to double-check. And having done so, my assistant will seek you out, hand you a new book, take an old manuscript.

And again, thank you, Ryan.
----------------------------------------------------------------
ROBERT ROSS:

Any number of publishers have spoken to me about a collection of my letters. Not out of the question; just haven't gotten around to it. Too many undelivered writings already, so I refuse to take on anything new that will divert my energies. YR. PAL, HARLAN and THE GLASS TEAT OMNIBUS and the new revised ELLISON WONDERLAND, not to mention Tim Richmond's FINGERPRINTS ON THE SKY...all of which are in the pipeline...well, the book of letters, the book of introductions, the book of brilliant autobiographical anecdotes...all of them will have to wait.

But thanks for asking.
----------------------------------------------------------------
ANTON:

Yes, of course, Getz. Remember, I was a jazz critic for more than 25 years, so if I don't mention all 50,004 of my favorites in a single post, it isn't necessary to assume I've never heard of Joe Williams or Count Basie or King Oliver or Bessie Smith, or Stan Getz. But if I had to choose, I'd go for Paul Desmond before Getz. By a squeak.
----------------------------------------------------------------
STEVE BARBER &
DAVEY C.:

Mmmm. Mmmmm. Cats. Sigh.

I've had a couple of unpleasant experiences with cats in the far past, but neither so traumatic that it would bring about a reaction such as, say, that of The Mummy to any feline. I just don't like them, that's basically it. No rhyme or much reason to it. Mmmm, lemme see, can I parse it any better? Well, here's a parallel trope: I cannot abide certain vegetables. They make me sick, actually, physically, automatic reaction: lima beans, asparagus, cauliflower, red pinto beans, brussell sprouts, sauer kraut, beets. Why? Never knew. It just WAS.

Until the day Susan hipped me to it--there is apparently a chromosome, or a blood fraction, or somesuch biological DNA thing that makes lima beans to some people (I stand, raising my hand, pick me pick me!)as palatable as hyena vomit. It is cellular in me, I am now told; part of the blueprint.

The funny thing about THAT, is this: I looooove drinking the juice from a bottle of borscht, which is nothing but beets (though I have to strain the contents of the bottle so I get no beet detritus in my face); I looooove cole slaw even though I cannot be in the same room with cooked cabbage. Room, hell, the same fuckin' TIME-ZONE! And I'm a nut for hummus and its eggplanty relatives such as tahini. And I don't care at all for potatoes (MickeyD fries excepted), but Susan makes me "Dem Potatoes" which are cheesy and crunchy and I guess they're supposed to be akin to home fries or o'brian, elevated to nobility, but otherwise I puke at potato salad, red boiled (ugh) potatoes, most mashed unless so lumpless they make skin balm seem rocky by comparison. A potato latkeh has to be sliced thin and made crunchy for me to go at it; and I offend all others at the table by sprinkling latkes with sugar.

And I relish string beans, peas, lettuce, onions, tomatoes, eggplant, vichysoisse, pumpkins, BBQ baked beans, fried zucchini, spinach (looooove spinach), celery ... my, how he do go on. (Well, I wanted to be as thorough as I can be, in an attempt to stave off an Anton-type question, "What about carrots? You didn't mention carrots? You like Carrots?" and then I'd have to come back and, sighing, respond, "Yes, I like carrots, AND Stan Getz!"

The point being: cooked cabbage will make me direly ill, but I scarf up cole slaw like a chasser. I go wild for dogs, puppies or otherwise--except fuckin' pit bulls, kindly don't tell me how gentle and kind is the slobbering carrion-crawler YOU own--but have virtually no affection for cats, never have. Not to mention the goddam INEVITABLE, INVARIABLY MAUDLIN, fanatically INSISTENT, unasked-for & nobody-GIVES-a-shit pop-up replies from assholes who jus' looooves their li'l Cap'n Ahab or Miss CATerwaul or FelineFritzi, and cannot wait a nanosecond to simper on and on about how THEIR calico maltese manx bidet-drinker meows along to Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle as rendered by Elliot Fisk on the Valencian Guitar, Yoko Ono on flute! Now, this is not to say there haven't been at least two kittens (I can remember) who were sweet, cuddly, scampering, and meant a few moments-worth of affection to me...but...on sum, as Kliban used to put it "Loves dem little kitties, loves to squeeze'em till they eyeballs pop out."

Cannot give you a better reason that that, you guys. But to read Davey C. going into paroxysms of abnegation at the least possibility that he was trying to suck out my ego and transistorize my id, or somesuch, merely because he asked howcum Harlan dun like cats...well, that's just arrant tomcatfoolishness or being coy and kittenish, heh heh.

I do hope that answers your FAQ. If not, well, (he said cheerily), youse can go'n fugg yerselfs.

Yr. Pal, Harlan

Ellison Book Order
Susan, your book list is just what I needed today!

Put me down for an Illustrated Ellison, that last Demon with a Glass Hand, and a Essential Ellison (50th; Limited, Boxed, Numbered). Personalized please, as Harlan sees fit.

Thanks,
Peggy

THE ILLUSTRATED ELLISON
Hi Susan,

I mailed a check for $41.89 today for one copy of THE ILLUSTRATED ELLISON - now with 3-D glasses! (Couldn't resist.)

I also asked for a personalized inscription from Harlan.

Thanks!

John

How do I feel about the Ellison Chair?
When I spoke to Harlan on the phone after winning this, his first words to me were, "Are you out of your mind?" Clearly, he thinks so. To him, this is just a slightly worn but "terrifically sturdy" writing chair, and it's something of a lark to ship it across the country to a fan.

But on the other side of the looking glass... I've been reading Harlan for 27 years, since I was 14. An Edge in My Voice alone taught me more about art, aesthetics, honor, integrity, and goddamn writing than four years of college.

In my _informed_ opinion, Angry Candy is one of the great works of literature in the English language.

I sit now, typing this, in the chair in which they were written.

I have no doubt this will be in a museum someday, long after my heirs pry it from my cold, dead ass. But until then I will sit in it and type and work, and occasionally stop and remind myself that I am sitting where Ellison sat when he wrote what he wrote.

Hold on... doing it now...

Best thousand bucks I ever spent.

Re: Last Call for HE Books
Susan,

Thanks very much for providing the list of books. If it is not too much trouble, would you be able to let me know the physical condition of the Dangerous Visions. I am just putting together an order for some other books and am seriously considering adding this to it.

Also, if there are any Limited Edition Hardcover's available other than what is already listed on the website, please let me know. I may just make one large order out of it.

Thanks as always for your time and attention.

Be well,

Lou Valenti

CHURCH, YOU PINHEAD:

If it's "Jacke" and not "Jackie," I have been misreading their names for more than forty years, and all of the 20-some albums in my collection are misprinted. Which may be the case, if you are to be believed. Or...you could be a pinhead.

Respectfully, Yr. Pal, Harlan
----------------------------------------------------------------
A few more great not-to-be-missed jazz recommends:

Herbie Mann, McCoy Tyner, Oscar Brown, Jr., Freddie Hubbard,
Dave Grisman, Oscar Peterson, Chico O'Farrill.

-he

ALEX:

I did Yusef Lateef with this group a month ago. PRAYER TO THE EAST, remember? I figured once was enough. This was a new list of soundmakers.

-he

Oh Steve, dear Steve . . . you're a fine, kind and goodly man for offering to throw yourself so wantonly on my squibby little grenade, but I just can't let you take lumps with my soiled and manky name on them; it's a question of worthiness, really.

Harlan, I was the one who presumed to snuffle about, at a secondhand remove, in the sock drawer of your psyche for clues that might illuminate your storied antipathy toward cats. I did not do so with any intent whatsoever of attempting to change your mind, or indeed of responding in any fashion evaluative of what is, after all, little more than a matter of taste -- One Man's Puke Is Another Man's Pizza, dontchaknow.

In any event, I certainly didn't mean to penetrate the orbit of friends & well-wishers in The Other Place and bother The Man Who with my irksome & trivial nosiness.

LAST CALL FOR ELLISON BOOKS
Dear One and All:

I'm packing up the few Ellison books that are still available. On Monday morning they're going back into storage. If anyone wants one, please let me know. Last Call. The number in brackets ( )are how many copies are available.

(7) THE ILLUSTATED ELLISON. (Color, Large Graphic,Trade Paperback--with 3-D glasses) $35.00

(1) DANGEROUS VISIONS. 1st Edition $400.00

(2) AGAIN, DANGEROUS VISIONS. Trade Paperback, Berkley. $30.00

(2) PARTNERS IN WONDER. Pyramid, Paperback. $20.00

(2) DEATHBIRD STORIES. Easton Press, Hardcover. $125.00.

(4) SHATTERDAY. Hutchinson, 1st British. $65.00

(1) MEMOS FROM PURGATORY. Powell, 1969. Paperback. $50.00

(3) OVER THE EDGE. Belmont. Paperback. First Edition. $45.00

(5) THE BEAST THAT SHOUTED LOVE AT THE HEART OF THE WORLD. Avon/Book Club. First Hardcover. $45.00

(1) AN EDGE IN MY VOICE. Hardcover, Donning. $50.00

(1) NIGHT & THE ENEMY. Graphic Hardcover. Signed by HE and Ken Steacy. "A/P" "Plastic Cover" $50.00

(1) As above but with "Paper Cover" $50.00

(1) DEMON WITH A GLASS HAND. Graphic Novel. $25.00

(1) SHATTERDAY. Bound Proofs. No DJ--as issued. $50.00

(2) ANGRY CANDY. Bound Proofs. No DJ--as issued. $50.00

(4) THE ESSENTIAL ELLISON (35th). Hardcover, Book Club. $20.00

(4) THE ESSENTIAL ELLISON (50th). Limited, Boxed, Numbered. $150.00

Postage is $4.00 per order. CA Residents please add 8 1/4% sales tax. Checks payable to: THE KILIMANJARO CORPORATION. Post Office Box 55548, Sherman Oaks, CA 91413.

HE will personalize if requested.

Just let know know on the board, and I'll hold the books you want.

Thank you.

Susan

MY cat is - get this - a Norwegian Forest Cat. A CALICO Norwegian Forest Cat.

Her ancestors were actually used some 400 years ago by the Vikings to guard their grain from rodents.

You have to respect an animal with a rep like THAT.

Now, most people I've met who DON'T like cats are either allergic to them or they'd found 'em a huge nuisance in their own experience. Or, perhaps the memory of that bouquet of cat urine stuck in their consciousness, not to mention their dilated and scorched nasal passages, thereby fusing the association.

The post I did yesterday
Geez... I rewrote that post at least twice, and I thought my wording had been precise enough, but maybe not. Just to clarify then, it was my unnamed friend (who shall remain unnamed) who expressed doubt - not outright disbelief - that Harlan wrote to TV GUIDE. I don't pretend to be an expert on all things Ellison,but I was aware of his Chicago days (editorial work at a pulp house,if memory serves); indeed I can recall an enjoyable panel that Harlan shared with Max Collins,Frank Miller, and Mickey Spillane at a Chicago ComicCon (or whaever it is they're calling it now). Harlan and MIckey dominated with their tales of the old days, while the rest of us,Collins and Miller included, just sat and listened and wished we all had tape recorders.I could tell you embarassing stories from my own youth about stereotyping, but I lack the masochism.Actually, the reason I wrote the thing in the first place was to call attention to NAKED CITY being available on broadcast TV - so write your local independent stations, folks, and watch 45 year old TV episodes that put most modern stuff to shame.

Harlan is mentioned in the Nodwick blog for Wednesday, May 7th. It's a name mention, and the blog goes on to talk about impressions of intelligence in SF.

http://nodwick.humor.gamespy.com/index.htm


shagin

Hey Harlan, I saw your list of jazz musicians, and I'm just wondering if you like Stan Getz?

/Anton.

A FAQ, a few letters, and "Howdy" from the diva

Robert asked "Has any small press ever shown any interest in publishing your letters?"

Robert, Harlan uses the same 26 letters we all use -- he merely puts them in a much more interesting order.


(I'm KIDDING goddamnit! I ain't THAT dumb.)
_______________________________________

HARLAN - A question popped up on the FAQ page that already has stumped the lot of us. And since I was the idiot who posted the rules, I get to take the first set of lumps for asking you yet another FAQ: "*Ahem*" "Mr. Ellison. The question was posed wondering why, sir, you do not like cats."
_______________________________________

Cris smiled when I told her I had your permission to peck her cheek last night. She said to ask Susan to do the same thing right back atcha.

Minor Questions for Harlan

Has any small press ever shown any interest in publishing your letters?

If so, did it not happen because you weren't interested, didn't want it to happen? Or did it not happen just because it didn't happen?

Amazing...

HARLAN-

I never expected guff from you for _not_ spending time on the internet.

Signed or unsigned is fine; just want to read the words therein.

I'd like to send the manuscript along to you. I'd also like to send it registered with delivery confirmation so it can be tracked in case anything happens along the way. Can you sign for something at the HERC P.O. box, or should I send it direct to you? And if direct, is the address on the manuscript still valid?

I could also pass it on to your assistant; that might be easier since I'm just down the road.

--
Ryan

The Bible of Couch Potatoes

MICHAEL DORAN:

Although the date, locale, and subject matter (not to mention an attestation by Da Man Hisse'f) would suggest you indeed are looking at the genuine article, I wasn't aware of any Ellison letters that appeared in T.V. Guide before the 1970s.

I know he had one in the Sept. 25, 1971 issue, page A-5, and only in the Los Angeles Metropolitan edition; and the one about Tom Snyder that somebody else mentioned was in the Nov. 3-19, 1974 issue.

There have also been two Ellison interviews in TV Guide -- in the Aug. 3, 1974 issue (by Edith Efron) and the Feb 19-25, 1994 issue (by Glenn Kenny).

But it might be worth faxing a copy of what you have to Ellison so he can see whether he thinks it was indeed his work (Rick Wyatt or I could give you the number) and then somebody should double-check with Tim Richmond, because if this is the genuine article, Tim should make sure it's included in his upcoming Ellison bibliography.

retches / cemetarians
A retch is actually the level one step below wretch, in nomenclature Richard Matheson established in the first paragraph of his first published story, "Born of Man and Woman."

Signed, Another Cemetarian

MR KEENEY:
Howdy from a fellow Cemeterian. Or Dancer if that rolls off the tongue more sprightly. Enjoyed the interview. Rich Chizmar bought a story from me a while back and is the first pro editor to actually invite me to submit more. (Sheila Williams at Asimov's is the second, though no sale there yet.) Keep hope alive!

Ayn Rand u.s.w.
Frank, while there's a certain amusement in refering to Ayn Whine as a "retch," I suspect you meant "wretch," yes?

Harlan, what? No Yusef Lateef?

I am totally feeling the modern Jazz Quartet. Modern without sacrificing the verve that makes jazz jazzy, instead of jazzercise.

Harlan, it's Jacke and Roy, not Jackie.

Bossa Nova, the baby that suckles me from space.

I might also recommend Weather Report. Like getting a blow job from Cleopatra.

-----------

Ayn Rand was a worthless retch, may she molder away in her corrosive grave. She gave us capitalism with the gloves off. Fuck her and the glue she rode in on.

Siano, welcome back. Missed you cupcake.

Smokey
Harlan,

Zeock wins, 'cause he spoke up first. And to hell with Catholic guilt (sez a former K through 3rd student of Sacred Heart School in Charleston, West Virgina). I said gratis and I meant gratis.

Also, looky what I found:

http://www.smokey-stover.com/

Tons 'n oodles of Smokey Stover strips from the 30s to the 70s!

LARS:

Thank you for the NY Times section. And, er, uh, if you feel like it, you could, mmmmm, tell the flock your feelings about your recent purchase, if I'm not imposing on your privacy.
----------------------------------------------------------------
RYAN LEASHER:

Where the hell are you? Please reply ... package sitting, waiting to be posted ... signed? or unsigned? Yr. call.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Yr. Pal, Harlan

STEVE:

Cris's CD blew in yesterday. It's at the top of the LISTEN TO THESE NOW stack, between a Fritz Kreisler and a Dukes of Dixieland. Thank you, and do give the diva a peck onna cheek for Susan and

Yr. Pal, Harlan

MIKE DORAN:

What endlessly perplexes me is how people who have never met me--such as your "friend" who KNOWS I would never write a letter to TV GUIDE--make such unspoken attestations of telepathy. Yes, indeed, I lived in Evanston (twice) and I was a great admirer of Howard Rodman's NAKED CITY scripts, as well as his story editor helmsmanship (and it was on NAKED CITY I first saw my friend Robert Blake as an adult actor), and I did indeed write that letter of praise. Tell your friend that there are few things in this world as arrogant as a young man's discovery of something we all have known for centuries, which he thinks is new wisdom, fresh from the egg.

Yr. Pal, Harlan

JOHN E.:

I have that Smokey Stover edition, so I don't need it; but I cannot commend its wonderfulness strongly enough. Particularly to you younkers what has come along so much later in the History of Wonderfulness that Bill Holman, his puns, and Smokey are unknowns to you. Fight among yourselves...it'll be worth it.

Yr. Pal, Harlan

NYT Sunday Movie Preview
Hi Harlan,

I have the Sunday Times Movie Preview. I will send it along with the check.

--L

Ditko, Rand and muddled thinking.
***Adam T-c *** That's just ridiculous. There is nothing preventing Ditko from buying or making his own cutting board out of any number of things rather than his old art. At the point where you confuse the art you are making with the tools you use to make the art (unless you are engaged in some sort of avant-garde or conceptual excercise) then there is some other force at work. Self-loathing? Simply gone 'round the bend? I don't know. But I've read Rand including her editorials in the Objectivist Newsletter back in the 1950's and she would never have made an anti-altruist argument quite that loopy. Howard Roark knew the difference between the drafting the table and the blueprint - even on his bad days.

- Barney Dannelke

CHRIS THURLOW

Yeah, I can use it. Send it. In payment, here are a few jazz players to look up:

Dorothy Donegan
Clifford Brown
Jackie & Roy
Jack Teagarden
Chano Pozo
Ray Bryant
Lambert, Hendricks & Ross
Big Miller
Charles Lloyd
Rhaasan Roland Kirk
Thelonius Monk
Brother Jack McDuff
Steve Lacy
Blossom Dearie
Modern Jazz Quartet
Joe Venuti
Marian McPartland
Jackie Paris
Olatunji
Ahmad Jamal
Charlie Barnett ("Skyliner")

and when you've gotten comfortable with them, I have 386 more... for starters.

Yr. Pal, Harlan

Ditto with Siano on Ditko.
The Question is my favorite super hero, but that is based on the more recent comics. I've never run across any of Ditko's run, but I honestly haven't been looking that hard.

Objectivism is... something I'm not particularly fond of. THE FOUNTAINHEAD.... Yikes, my friends.

##

Note: Bwahahahahahahaha! Muahahahahaha-ha-haaha! IT is finished! Behold the startling mediocrity that is PULP HENRY. But you can't actually read it yet, and you probably never will, knowing me!
But anyway, Bwahahahahahaha!

##

And finally, I will repeat for anyone who wants to hear it the corny and oft repeated sentiment -- Guys, it's gonna be alright.

It's gonna be alright.

Mike Doran:
I THINK I can remember at least one other letter Harlan wrote to TV GUIDE in the mid to late 1970s, extolling the virtues of Tom Snyder.

WHY does it seem so unlikely to you that he would write to TV GUIDE? Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't get it.

JohnE
JohnE-if no one else wants it I'd be glad to have it. However, 18 years of Catholic school prohibits me from taking anything gratis. Let me know what you'd like along with postage and packing-John Zeock 23 taylor road conshohocken pa 19428 2111. And remember- to foo is human, to forgive divine. jz

FAQ
Paul is correct. There is a FAQ thread marked as THE HARLAN ELLISON FAQ PAGE on the Forums under "General".

http://harlanellison.com/heboard/forum/viewtopic.php?t=2139 or click on the above hyperlink to go to the "Other Place" as we loving call it.

(Please don't be confused by the somewhat less useful but more popular FAQ Discussion thread which has recently been afflicted with bad puns and worse Haiku.)

The rules of the game on the official Honesta' Gawd FAQ page is you have to posit the FAQ and THEN SUPPLY THE ANSWER IF POSSIBLE. The purpose is to have a place where all those truly FAQs have an answer ready and awaiting, so it is hoped that both will be supplied in the same post. I've already noted that I will delete posts with the inevitable and pretty worthless "I don't know" responses.

And thank you to Paul for his rapid repost -- if not riposte -- of this question to the FAQ page.

If you stump the board -- which usually includes such HE-philes as FinderDoug, Loftus, Dannelke etc. -- you will win what used to be called a "no-prize" but the question will be posed to Harlan by someone willing to get their ears boxed on behalf of the FAQ's accuracy.

So. There you have it, and may heaven help us all.

USA
One of our local channels has started running NAKED CITY in a post-midnight timeslot,and this sent me to my collection of old TV GUIDES, circa early '60s. There's a letter in one signed "Harlan Ellison, Evanston,Ill." extolling NAKED CITY's virtues as opposed to THE UNTOUCHABLES. If memory serves, HE was resident in this area at that time with his then-wife and her son. When I showed this letter to a friend, he doubted that HE would have ever written a letter to TV GUIDE for any reason.If this is a source of negative memory for him I apologize, but my damned curiosity just got the better of me.

I can't resist.

Peter, that is a wise idea, and if it is not sarcasm, I fear it is your misfortune to be that selfsame FAQ # 5 on the THE HARLAN ELLISON FAQ PAGE, next door on the boards. Congratulations. Or sorry.

Ditko
Adam, did you see the BBC show about Steve Ditko? It was truly excellent, and towards the end, the BBC journalist and Neil Gaiman went to visit Ditko. Cameras didn't accompany them, but the two were affusive as they came out.

The focus on Ditko's eccentricities and Objectivist beliefs reminds me of a piece in _Slate_ this past week, about Daniel Radosh's _Rapture Ready_, a book about Christian pop culture. Sure, the book has some sport at the lameness of Christian rock, Christian comedians, Christian this-and-than... but it also explores the sad understanding among Christians that this separate culture is, clearly _deficient_. It's _not_ as good as the original; sort of like how kids realized how lanme Pat Boone was once they discovered Little Richard.

Part of the lameness derives from the ideological limits imposed by the creators. When you try to _design_ culture, by limiting what it addresses and how it addresses things, then you're confining it. You're asking people who partake of that culture to share in a kind of lobotomy. Yes, we will show you drama, but there will be lots of dramatic issues that we can't address; there will be ironies and conflicts that cannot be shown or acknowledged; there will be boundaries beyond which we will not step. And since the biggest constraint is to _imitate_ mainstream culture, the result could never be anything _but_ retarded.

But with artists with severe constraints, obsessions, and the like, and who _don't_ feel the need to imitate mainstream culture, you have this amazing effect. They have to create _something_, but there are some things they either will not or can not do. The result is something like high-pressure water constrained by the walls of the hose-- what comes out is extreme, focused and powerful.

So, Ayn Rand creates this fantasy where architectural theory dominates the dynamics of entire cities. Ditko comes up with stuff like _The Question_, where even minor compromises with the world are judged with the severity of the God of Abraham. Dave Sim builds complex and recursive edifices of argument about the "feminist homosexualist axis." Sometimes, the monomania can feel pretty confining, but you can't help but feel a bit of awe at the _degree_ of focus. And every so often, you get to see something truly original; I can't say I enjoyed every page of _Cerebus_, but it's like nothing else, and I'm certainly in awe of it.

Notary Sojak
John Zeock, Harlan, any other Bill Holman fans: I have a slightly-battered collection of Smokey Stover comics published by Kitchen Sink in (I think) 1991, with an introduction by Harvey Kurtzman. It's just sitting around doing nothing, if anyone wants it. I've read it and enjoyed it all I possibly can, so it would be my pleasure to pass it on, gratis.

I've always thought that several of Ellison's short stories would have made superb original Twilight Zone episodes ("Rain, Rain, Go Away" and "Commuter's Problem" come to mind). Perhaps in a better universe.

Chico Hamilton
Talk earlier of Chico Hamilton, sparked a bit of information, that I wanted to share. There is a new CD release of the soundtrack to the great film "The Sweet Smell of Success" This edition merges the Elmer Bernstein score with the Chico Hamilton Quartet set for the first time. Its a honey of a collection, with 22 tracks beautifully remastered. Its a import but can be found online at most of your music offering outlets. Enjoy.

FAQ
In the years that Harlan has been posting here, he's had to suffer a broken record of questions about various books, associations, rumors, and whatnot. He does so with admirable patience.

I'd like to throw out the idea to any and all with time on their hands (meaning not Rick, Harlan, or any number of extremely busy people) to pick through the archives of the board and make a frequently asked questions list so people can know what not to ask Harlan again and again and again and again. Rod Serling can be question numero uno.

~Peter

Ditko: Aaaarrrggghhh
I just wrote a review (for SCI FI magazine) of STRANGE AND STRANGER: THE WORLD OF STEVE DITKO, by Blake Bell. An invaluable, profusely illustrated and (because of the eccentric protagonist) maddening artistic biography. Rarely have you seen a pivotal creator, with a permanent place in the pop culture pantheon, so eager to shoot himself in the foot.

I give the book an A+ and call it essential reading.

Here's a paragraph on an element that truly bothered me.


"One particularly horrifying story, late in the book, involves a visitor who discovers that Ditko has been using decades of old art, returned to him from publishers including Marvel, DC and Charlton, as cutting boards: a blind act of wanton self-destruction that represents the loss of potential hundreds of
thousands of dollars on the collector’s market. Ditko’s acquaintance begs him to stop, and even offers to go out to an art supply store, right then, to buy Ditko a cutting board so he won’t continue destroying his classic old work in the process of creating new pages. Ditko, trapped in dogma, refuses on the grounds that (like his idol, Ayn Rand), he despises altruism in any form. Rand’s novel THE FOUNTAINHEAD glorifies rigid principle triumphing over all other considerations
including common sense, but even her implacable architect hero, who blew up his own building rather than accept a compromised vision, might have thought twice had he been able to resolve a minor supply problem by allowing an associate to go to Staples on his behalf."

The Rand cult being what it is, I expect some insane rambling e-mails.

For Chris: Lost excerpt from Plato's
Shall we continue upon the subject of musical education?

Certainly.

Then we should be quite emphatic about...would you kindly speak again?

I can, but I am here to listen, primarily.

I was struck by your voice.

Thank you.

I also noticed that when you speak, you seem to have musical accompaniment.

Speech with music is a good thing.

That we may safely affirm. Who is that with you?

This is my friend, Fred Katz. He is compelled to play when I quote your work, sir.

Who stands behind Katz's band of musicians?

They are a group of brothers from the Warner family. They are well-versed in the various ways of money-making.

I understand. Before you leave my company, would you tell me your name? I am going to add this episode to my journal.

You may call it "Poitier Meets Plato". On, Warner brothers! We must go see Xenophon. I shall not rest until I convince him that Symposium would make for excellent drama.

Good health be with you. Before you depart, your man Katz may wish to speak to Ken Nordine. Perhaps his poetry shall inspire Katz to compose more beautiful music.

I believe they have met, good Plato.

Mr Ellison's request
Sorry but I regret to inform you that the NY Times Summer movie preview was consumed along with the rest of the paper in a girlfriend inspired cleaning frenzy.

Maybe someone else attending this forum could provide you with a copy?

screen credit

HARLAN - at risk of belaboring a touchy subject, I just wanted to say that I personally am grateful that your real name remained on City at the Edge of Forever.

That's how I learned that there was a Harlan Ellison. That's why I picked up The Illustrated Harlan Ellison, and got to meet the Harlequin and Bedzyk and all the others in that wondrous tome, which in turn lead to The Very Best Visit To A Bookstore In My Entire Life, a quick stop by the old Change of Hobbit in Santa Monica for some vacation reading where I bought Bradbury's Death Is A Lonely Business, Robert Bakker's amazing Dinosaur Heresies, and most best of all Deathbird Stories, which was for me both astonishing entertainment and eye-opening writing seminar (and let all who come to this sacred pavilion be thankful that they shall never read any of the "deathbird" stories I cranked out in the next six months as I was figuring out what my own voice sounded like -- yeesh!)

So many good and insightful times in my life reading your stories and essays, so many smiles at the bookstore when I found you had a new collection out. And for me it boiled down to the fact that your wrote a Star Trek episode that was so beautiful and sad and truthful that no amount of subsequent "revision" could kill it. Fucked up, but not FUBAR, it seems to me now.

Who knows, if the screen credit had said Cordwainer Bird, maybe I would have stumbled across your work anyway. But I shudder to think that I might not have.

It's sad to learn that your name remained on the show because Roddenberry was underhanded or manipulative, but I am very, very grateful that I learned of Harlan Ellison.

MM

Harlan...Fred Katz. I should have known.
Should have, but didn't.
It is good stuff though, so I like to think I wasn't too far off base in suggesting that you give it a whirl to calm your Roddenberry-addled nerves.

Could you please possibly perhaps, in your inimitable wisdom of great Jazz music, drop a few names I should maybe know about so that I might add a bit more Hip to my paltry Jive? I sought out Django and love it (have you seen his cartoon self at the beginning of Triplets of Belleville?) I will now be tracking down Chico Hamilton too. I groove to the sounds of Raymond Scott and Sun Ra on a regular basis as well. I am always on the lookout for that special, off-the-wall Jazz like Katz, Scott, Ra. Any suggestions would be most welcome and appreciated.

Also, I recently purchased a Book Club edition of Alone Against Tomorrow and inside it I found a Science Fiction Book Club tri-fold pamphlet titled Things to Come. It is dated June 1971 and has an illustration for The Silver Corridor (pink lady with a purple monster head and black cape/wings) on the front by Kim Whitesides. Inside there is a full page on AAT with descriptions of stories as well as a page on A Time of Changes by Robert Silverberg. It's in great condition. It has probably been tucked in the book since 1971. Is it something you would like for your collection or have you already got it? I'd be glad to send it to you if you want it, otherwise I'd be just as glad to keep it for mine own self.

Risking the snapping of another Whipple (that'll teach him to squeeze my Charmin),
Chris

FRANK:

Another FAQ, but for you, snookums, I repeat the answer to "Did you know Rod Serling?"

Answer: no.

Never met him, never worked for him, my only contact has been the 1985 rebirth of the series, and some work I did for the short-lived "Twilight Zone" magazine, and a few contacts with his widow, Carol (oddly enough, I'm working on a piece for her currently). But as for Mr. Serling, no; no liaison of any kind.

Yr. Pal, Harlan

THURLOW:

What is that homey homily I'm always quoting...? Oh. Yeah. It's

"Don't be tryin' to teach your dear ole Granny how t'suck eggs."

I was onto Fred Katz before you were drawing oxygen, sonny. He was a long-time sideman of Chico Hamilton. He plays on some of the most exciting Pacific Jazz vinyls in my rich & extensive collection. Not to mention Fred was one of the sidemen in the combo Chico fronted during the great Ernie Lehman-co-written film, SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS. Not to mention I reviewed Fred Katz's solo work a number of times. Fred Katz???!!!??? Who the fuck y'think you're talkin' to here, snapperwhipple?

Annoyingly Elitist, Yr. Pal, Harlan
----------------------------------------------------------------
(Katz. Fred Katz, fer chrissakes! Ho-lee gadzo-lee, Bettie Spaghetti!

misc

When I was coming up I read as much Edgar Rice Burroughs as I could beg, borrow, or steal.

Somewhere along the way I found an address for Danton Burroughs. I sent a fan letter...And Danton wrote back. And he continued to correspond for as long as I held up my end. Simply amazing. He was a kind, considerate, and very classy guy.

shagin
I think I know how thrilled you must be. I just kinda got my foot in the door at Cemetery Dance Magazine. Issue #58 (the Charles Grant Tribute issue) contains my conversation with Stephen Graham Jones.

real.exciting.stuff.
http://www.cemeterydance.com/sh/_cd058.html

peace,
Rick

Harlan- a 1506 nix nix right back at you. I have a Smokey Stover sweatshirt which I think are still available at the Shop at Hogan's Alley web site. I have no problems with the new Who-I like the different dynamic Tate brings to it. The first two episodes may not have been home runs but they were solid doubles. (Nigel Kneale was asked to write for Who-as well as the X-files. His reply was something to the effect of "why ask me when you've been ripping me off for years?) (he also didn't like Who being sold as a childern's show when it as scary as it was and had a body count higher than a lot of Balkan wars). And- Ted Key 1912-2008, Hazel; Phyllis, the Phillies sparrow and Mr Peabody and Sherman. (still waiting on any info on Who ringtones available in U.S)

Harlan, forget that last question. Rob told me you didn't know Serling. Sowwy.

I did hear he was hard to deal with..hmm

A question and a reccomendation
Susan: Does the HERC happen to have a copy of the first Dream Corridor available, and if so how much would it be?

All: If you happen to like hardboiled dective novels, may I direct your attention to a wonderful small press that specalizes in them. Hard Case is a wonderful line of books that is attempting to bring back the glory days of pulp fiction. They publish books by some well known names (an aside, had to have my shoping companion keep me from buying the Micky Spillane books I couldn't afford but wanted so badly) as well as lesser known names, or those who only published one book ect. The covers are awesome, and both the men who own the press have written books for the line as well.

Yours in pleasureful readong

Lori

Duane, horse tacos, yum.

Actually, the horse did not get killed, it committed suicide, after it found out Hillary bet on it.

"She won't besmirch my good name."

---------------

Roddenberry now has small rodents crawling in and out of his colon, so all is good.

-----------------

Harlan, you knew Rod Serling right?

Duane
I find it "sad" that Mrs. Clinton was betting on horses* at all, but maybe that is just me.

*"not a wholesome trottin' race, either, but a race where they sit down right on the horse!"

Anyone else think it's sad that the horse that Hillary Clinton bet on to win the Kentucky Derby finished second in the race?

The horse's name was Eight Belles, and she came in second place before suffering catastrophic injuries to her ankles. She was euthanized shortly thereafter.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/05/03/kentucky-derby-horse-eigh_n_99987.html

From the above Huffington Post article: "Eight Belles actually ended up finishing second in the race, just behind Big Brown."

Harlan,

A quick direct response, then I'll move on to spare you this memory:

1) First, thanks a lot for your informative reply.

2) Having blocked out of my own memory more chunks of obsidian than I could count, I completely sympathize. These days I only want to remember sunshine and flowers. That's all. Just sunshine and flowers.

3) The one thing that's really weird about that business, is that Roddenberry HAD allowed Shimon Wincelberg, aka, S. Bar-David, to use HIS pseudonym on an episode (it may have even been on TWO). So, I don't know why he was laying this double standard on YOU. Perhaps, as you suggested, you were something of a new kid on the block - and with an audaciousness that may have even offended him on some level - and you therefore seemed like ez pickinz to bully; I explore this possibility because it happens to just about EVERY newcomer in the business. It's important to know the tricks.

Anyway, I'm sorry about all that shit. I never like it when they fuck with your work.

HARLAN/JEFF R/ROB - I have added the below series of questions/answers relating to Harlan's serious case of Roddenberryberry to the HARLAN ELLISON FAQ page on the Forums under "General". If it should rear its head again, refer the newbies over that direction.
__________________________________________

Don H - Yeah, that's what is bugging me about Sarah Jane in particular. Yes, it's a children's show, but the stories/execution have been below the usual DOCTOR WHO standards. Likewise the new season of WHO. I'm just not getting Donna Noble as his companion at all. Can we please go back to Astrid/Rose Tyler/Martha Jones??? Sarah Jane?

Music to Calm Harlan By
Harlan,

Have a listen to Folk Songs for Far Out Folk by Fred Katz.
If you haven't heard it already.

If it sounds familiar, you may recognize the composer's name from the credits of Bucket of Blood as well as the original Little Shop of Horrors.
Such swell sounds shall sweep sweet sorrow swiftly.

Oops!
Sorry, just saw the post about my order, I'll opt for the 50th edition trade paperback for $25.00, and leave the $10 on credit.
Sure I'll spend that soon. Or feel free to send anything of your choice, that's $10. Any way you want to do it, just glad to get it.
I have to admit, my heart skipped a beat when I saw HE had typed my name in a post. Really scared me at first.

JEFF R.:

Yeah (said Ellison, his lips skinning back like those of a feral beast), yeah...indeed it does ring a bell. Like the bell between rounds in an iron cage death-match. I try to damp my apparently-unkillable loathing of what he visited on me, after my saving his ass and his fucking series from cancellation, in the lee of my devotion to the show, but my ire is again bubbling just from your brief post. It is not good for me to dwell on that man, and that swatch of Ancient History, at peril of lava...a la the book, and writing of the record.

Henceforth, I think, I will ignore any more queries on this subject. The rest of you might warn any newbies who show up. Refer them to the book (copies of which HERC has for sale at a delicious price) or to all the archive enties on the subject. But as for me, well, I'm trying to be a better, calmer, person. It is a ferocious task, and I ask your assistance.

Yr. Pal, Harlan

ALERT ALERT ALERT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Susan and I need to hear from:

RYAN LEASHER (Do you want WATCHING signed or not?)

DENNIS THOMPSON (Advise on dispensation of your order)

LARS (Fedex tells me the chair was delivered to your house today)

Please, all three, contact us ASAP.

HARLAN:
In Herb Solow's and Bob Justman's INSIDE "STAR TREK": THE REAL STORY, they refer to your having received "a direct threat" by Roddenberry, as well as his solemn promise that you'd never work for Paramount again if you put Cordwainer Bird on the bastardized "City" script.

Ring any bells?

ROB:

I can only partially answer your query as to why "Cordwainer Bird" did not appear as Written By when "City On The Edge of Forever" aired. The answer is in two parts.

1) The Writers Guild set up, long ago, a bulletproof mechanism for taking one's name off a substandardly-produced (in the author's sole opinion) piece of work. It works thus: one registers an "official" pseudonym with the Guild at an early stage...that is to say, long before one is needed, purely as a safeguard, in expectation of something MAYBE going wrong in the future. (I logged on with "Cordwainer Bird" forty years ago, but have only used it three or four times in all these decades.)
When, if, they fuck up a script, or get bad rewrites, or any one of the thousand things that can go wrong surface, the scenarist invokes the Guild rule, and the production company MUST bow to the WGAw regs, and changes the onscreen credit, and all paperwork therefrom proceeding. They have no choice. They are bound by the WGA Minimum Basic Agreement (upgrading of said document lay at the heart of our recent Strike Action.) The producers can scream as loud as they want, and they can try to blackmail or threaten the writer into keeping his/her name on the job, if they feel the name has market value, or dignity value, or gossip value...or whatever. But unless the writer caves, they are immobilized.

Which answers part one of your query.

2) Not so easy to clear up because...

and this is unlike me...

and it may be Early Onset Alzheimer's...

But I'll be damned if I can remember why I acceded to Roddenberry's whinging and whining that Harlan Ellison remain on the aired version, though my version had been (in my sole view) bastardized beyond a pain I could not bear!

I remember he threatened to work tirelessly behind the scenes--not as nice a man as many would like to believe, in their fanboyishness--to deprive me of my royalties on the segment, but that alone would not have deterred me. Money has ALWAYS been the least reason for my doing ANYTHING.

No, there was yet another, scuzzier, level of ominous threat Roddenberry conjured. Remember, I'd only been out here a few years, I think two, at most three, when I did that teleplay; and I was hardly a frightened naif...but was still a little raw in the Ways of Skullduggery in filmdom. And Roddenberry went to a level of scurrilous behavior I was not, as yet, capable of matching...and I agreed to let my name stand. I wish I could be more detailed in responding but--until you mentioned it here--I'd forgotten that bit of maneuvering by the great bird of the galaxy. SOMEONE may know, may remember what happened, but dredge as deeply as I might, I cannot, for the life of me, raise that bit of minutiae.

But at least, I have written about it here for the first time. It isn't even in my book, that's how completely I'd blocked off that particular lousy behavior on his part. And people continue to ask me why I don't revere his memory...

Yr. Pal, Harlan

THE JUNGLE

Hee!
Shagin:

Thank you thank you thank you for that wonderfully evocative image. I'm putting it into every device I have so that I can call it up when I need to decompress and can't remember how.

Looking forward to yer first book tour...

Inner peace is watching a puppy dash through a cloudbank of dandelions and then chase after the remnants of his tufted wake.

Things have been a might hectic over the past few days, but nothing that a good stretch of the big picture frame can't handle. Thankfully.

Much thankiness for the support and words of go-gettum-ness, all. It's in the works and in the wiles. One of the major hurtles is the irony that different agencies syphon money out of different pots. Ah, the joys...

HARLAN -- Thanks for the encouragement about the bounce-back message. I will consider myself ahead even if the second submission (sent the day after I received said message) is rejected. I can't not write; I fell into that pit once, the closest I've ever come to an act the thought of which fills my husband with dread.

Nonfiction is a breeze. Fiction is dashing through a dandelion cloudbank...


shagin

Harlan-Related In the IMDB

Every now and then I actually find out there was SOMETHING I didn't know!

Before I proceed, let me cover my ass by pointing out that I've read factual errors in the Internet Movie Database before, so news that something here got skewed wouldn't particularly strike me as news.

Having said that, it states that when Roddenberry made changes in your TREK script he PROHIBITED you from using your pseudonym. That you WANTED to, but he wouldn't allow it.

If this is accurate, it's a detail that missed my radar in the past, and it explains some of my questions here.

DO producers have the legal contractual ability to do that if they choose to? If so, I sure as hell didn't KNOW it.

I thought any author could call himself anything he WANTED.

HE: A few of us chilluns is still saving our Puce Stamps for a new edition of Captain Wimby's Bird Atlas...

S. BARBER: The one episode of _The Sarah Jane Adventures_ I've seen so far made me want to throw something large at the television; fortunately my 15-lb. cat was in the other room at the time. I loved the interaction between the main characters, but the plot and the guest performances were gawdawful. I was planning to give it another shot last Friday, only to find that the Sci-Fi Channel had mysteriously vanished from my cable box(it finally reappeared today.) _Doctor Who_ isn't faring much better. (The tragedy is that these are both shows I _want_ to like, very much - and they're not holding my interest enough for me to remember to turn on the TV _before_ Battlestar Galactica comes on.)

FRANK/KOS: Should you find yourself in Oregon, Washington or a very few spots around Los Angeles and in need of a fast-Mex fix, skip the Del Taco and find you that little-known jewel of the Northwest, Taco Time. (Or as my sister dubbed it after reading Terry Pratchett's _Hogfather_, "Ta-KOH-ti-meh".) You will not regret it. (Almost makes up for the loss of Rubio's and Togo's in my move from California to here...)

Cheers!
Don Hilliard

Ohmigawd
Ohmigod, Harlan: Smokey Stover? Migahd, it's been years since I thought of that crazy fireman. And I used to invoke Notary Sojac on a regular basis. Ah, memories.

EZRA:

If you have no need of that NY Times section mentioning DREAMS, could you ship it to me via HERC, and I'll happily reimburse you for the effort? The scrapbook cries out, "Feed me, feeeed me, Seymour!"

Yr. Pal, Harlan

RYAN LEASHER

You give away your age by not recognizing (and grinning at) the phrase "Bewitched, Bothered and BeMildred." Josh, like myself a rabid fan of the progenitor of that sly warping of the title of the old show tune ("Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered"), has done given me a phone-up earlier today to gurgle like the babies we are, at the source. A touchstone for True Rowrbazzle Intelekchuls such as our ownselfs, along with archy & mehitabel and Smokey Stover and Ogden Nash. Oh well, moving on...

I think we can do a deal here, kid.

Hold onto the mss. I will start sending you stuff. Beginning with a new edition of WATCHING that goes out tomorrow. (I'll assume, arrogant fuck as I is, that you want these items ad seriatum in a personalized, autographicaled state...unless you specifically warn me: PRISTINE.)

When you in your sole discretion estimate happily that I've reached the level of swappage that will equalize what you paid for the mss., you'll tell me; and you can then send it along for preservation in my archive. Just sit back and receive, though, at the outset.

Does that sit well with you?

Gratefully, Yr. Pal, Harlan

To Dennis Thompson:

Welcome to HERC.

I'm assembling your membership good-stuff.

Re: THE ESSENTIAL ELLISON $35.00

We do not have that edition.

Your choices are:

$35.00 Refund or credit for Ellison books.
Book list will be sent.

ESSENTIAL 35th edition trade paperback $20.00
35th edition hardcover book club $20.00
50th edition trade paperback $25.00
Plus whatever credit or refund is left.

or Limited/Boxed edition 50th edition @$150.00 ($35.00 already in credit)

Please advise.

All best--Susan

Cindy, Rose Madder is pretty vicious, I'd read that in small chunks; especially for a woman, since it is about female abuse. I do think though that the plot point about the painting is the stupidest thing King ever did. Better to leave the story as a female in peril yarn.

---------------

You either admit that Anais Nin is the bomb or we will all laugh at you--throw custard pies and abuse.

Elitists Against Change Esq.

Nin
***Ezra*** No, that's fine. More then fine. "Not to my taste" - at the end of the day, that's a valid criticism. But here's a little something to take away from this that might open a window for you with Ms. Nin. Two things actually.

The first is that different writers will work for you at certain times of your life. There's a lot of fiction I read when I was in my teens and twenties that I find unreadable now. Some of it is the prose but just as often there are simply no new lessons to impart. So I'm spending much of my time these days with writers I hit a wall with in my twenties. Yes, Marcel, I see you over there on the top shelf. Maybe later. Not yet.

This gets us to Nin. Many people on this board read science fiction when they were younger or still read science fiction. I don't anymore with very rare exception (Terry Bisson and Tim Powers most recently) but one of the most appealing things about SF is the "encounter with the alien mind" if you will. On THIS planet, if you are a guy, the ALIEN mind is the mind of a woman.

I think if you want a protracted look at one aspect of that ALIEN mind, then one window into that consciousness can be found in some of the writing of Ms. Nin. And keep that metaphor in mind. It's a big house. With lots of windows.

I don't know if many women think like Ms. Nin but I like to think that some of them (with some poetry in their souls) occasionally still do.

But if you are a guy I think the Nin "mind" is an ALIEN one.

And now, back to work.

- Barney

It's Monday. Somewhere in the haze in front of me is a tall coffee.

The backyard concert fundraiser was a rip-roaring success. We raised, all told, a net exceeding $3300 (gross: nearly twice that) to subsidize the jazz education seminars this summer. It costs nearly $600 per student to run the program, but this takes a solid chunk out of the part of the budget accommodating lower-income kids). Plans are for three sessions and 45 kids/musicians during the summer months.
______________________________

Sandra, KOS - Everyone's already given you sufficient advice. I agree with Harlan and others that an activist response is called for. Sandra, get the paper interested. KOS, cash the check immediately if you get one -- if not, calmly ask for the keys. Let the pending bitch-in-law be the asshole in the eyes of the court if it comes to that.
______________________________

The CD drops today. Apologies to youse guys around here who are expecting copies -- I forgot to go to the post office on Saturday. *sigh* Yep. Me. Bad roadie. Bad.

They go out today. Promise. (If it's any consolation, I had to call my father today and tell him I hadn't mailed his birthday card yet, either. Yes. The puppies are quite unhappy I'm sharing their abode.)

Oh. Yeah. And Susan. Guess what else was in that stack. RH renewal and an order. *sigh* again.


Yes. I picked a bad week to give up drinking.
_________________________________

I spent a good chunk of yesterday morning catching up on Doctor Who in Pompei and Sarah Jane in... well, London.

Anybody else watching?

(I had a couple of brilliantly written paragraphs critically analyzing items both good and bad in these shows before I realized that might get my skull cracked for spoilerage. Rest assured, it was briliant.)


Back to Monday, and shortly, a trip to the Post Office.

By all reports a colorful character...
Oh well never try to write a lighthearted OBIT. I hope no one will interpret my last post as harboring any disrespect for either Mr Hofmann or Ms Barron.

Like many kids my age I was completely transported by FORBIDDEN PLANET. The soundtrack created a significant portion of the magic and engendered in me an interest in electronic music that continues to this day.

As for Mr Hofmann, well like many kids my age I inhaled. 'Nuff said.

Barney, my post obviously wasn't an attempt at serious literary criticism but my opinion of Ms Nin's work is pretty much like David's in his post. Basically she's just not my taste. She gushes too much for me.

Speaking of writers of the female persuasion, Ursula LeGuin's new novel LAVINIA is getting rave reviews in the papers. It's been a while since I read her stuff so I will put the book on my rapidly lengthening list.

A Guillermo/Ellison project (if that's even what's being discussed of course) is so exciting that I figure the best approach is to pretend we never heard about it since the mortality rate of such dream projects is depressing.

The NY Times had a section previewing the summer movies on Sunday. DREAMS is scheduled for June 4th I believe. The blurb described Harlan Ellison, "by all reports a colorful character..."

KOS and Shagin,
Harlan and Diane gave you the best advice. I can't improve on that-- but know that my thoughts are with you and my prayers are for you. I hate to see good people go through horrible/tough times.

Wishing you both a speedy turn around to better circumstances.
Warmly,
Cindy


Shagin,
Did you READ what Harlan wrote??? THAT is GOLDEN--- fuckin' GOLDEN!!

Way to go and congratulations!
:)
Cindy



Diane
I had a protracted affair with Duma Key-- I'm a Stephen King kinda gal and when I was laid up post surgery I basked in it. Then I went on a sort of Stephen King feeding frenzy revisiting some of my favorites that I hadn't read in a long time, Needful Things, Fire Starter, The Dead Zone and now Rose Madder... Salem's Lot is in On Deck.

Steinbeck is very dear to me too. The Grapes of Wrath is treasure- it'll make your heart ache to bursting.

:)
Cindy

BeMildred?

HARLAN-

Please....you want it, you get it.

I'm not really a victim of the pinch; just realizing that perhaps there is a better home for it elsewhere. And if you want it, that's definitely the best home.

As for the Harlan-only, blue-plate special price, I'm only insisting, pressing, demanding...what I paid for it. I picked it up for $125 and it yours for that.

If you wanted to do a partial trade, I'd be down for that, too; might even prefer it. I know I'll be after a copy of the VOICE FROM THE EDGE Volume 3 CD and the DREAMS WITH SHARP TEETH DVD whenever they materialize. Been thinking about picking up a copy of the new WATCHING as well.

Look, if you want this then I want you to have it. If the original price I paid is too high for you and the trades don't help just let me know and we'll figure something out. If I take a loss, I'll just treat it as having rented the transcript from you for a few years. No big deal.

--
Ryan

Susan,

Books arrived Saturday in perfect/wonderful/splendiferous shape. Thank you.

And thank you for sending me back the duplicate of my check (the duplicate of the new check I had to send because I made the first one out wrong. Does it scare anyone else that I'm an accountant in real life?)

Mike

KOS, anarchism is just around the corner, I can feel it.

You eat Del Taco as well--good call. Best commercial taco joint around.

-----------------

I have a new term: Private Taxation. These are the little fees and backhanded extras that corporate America fobs off on us every day in this jangle jungle.

Rent, parking fees, credit card fees, student loans, housing debt, other debts--they creep up on you and eat at your soft parts, taking huge chunks. In this lab a new monster is being formed. Your new self hunts at you until there is nothing left.

...Jeff Bridges

...Downey

They are both excellent in IRON MAN. They make it work.

RYAN:

You pose a small dilemma. I can definitely use the treatment of which you speak, but I cannot in good conscience keep you from getting (nor could I beat) the price you would surely get if you go out on e.bay with it. I could offer a trade, but it sounds to me as if the pinch is upon you, and more triviata is not what you want or need. So I'm at a loss how to make this dilemma equitable. Truly bewitched, bothered, and beMildred,

Yr. Pal, Harlan

The Big He-Bowski

Is this a "prequel" to Josh's animated "Batman"?

One can only hope.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9W4cQ_wTuI&eurl=

Judges
Harlan:

In her time working for the Miami courts, Judi has clerked for or been associated with five (count 'em, five) of the judges who have moved on to PEOPLE'S COURT-type programs, the most famous of them being Judge Marilyn Milian (sp?), who is on THE PEOPLE'S COURT and sort of Judge Judy lite (just as feisty and cut-through-the-bullshit, but not quite as abusive to idiots (almost, though, and that put her in the crosshairs more than once)). One recent Judge to get a show asked Judi to come along, and she said no, the feeling being that the bump in salary will not be worth the loss of retirement benefits.

Mentioned as background to the observation via Judi that many judges slap down idiots just as hard as JUDGE Judy; and that she doesn't watch the shows because she gets enough of that crap at work...!

KOS -- It's really, really good to see you back on the Pavvy and swinging! :-) I'm glad that Harlan had the right answer for you. Get 'em on Monday -- I know that many Pavilion posters will be thinking of you and sending you good vibes. (Yeah, I know, weak as that is.) I'd offer to help you type up paperwork, but I live, I think, quite a distance away. (Anyway, I was an executive assistant, not a paralegal, unfortunately for the situation.) At any rate, if you think I could help -- e-mail me, ok? :-)
Do you ever come over to the Forum boards? I'd love it if you could post the story about this meeting: "I got that hour, and more to spare, with one of the the trio (Fritz Leiber)." :-)
Probably not something you'll have time to do any time soon, given the circumstances but still sounds like a great tale!
Keep on swinging, and if you need secretarial support, e-mail me. I've worked as a "virtual assistant" before, so I'm quite used to doing things by fax and e-mail.

Hi, Shagin:
Ditto on the above offer, and it sounds like you already have all your legal wheels in motion. At any rate, I'm happy to help research, type up forms, fax and mail, and etc. I'm sorry this is such a poor offer at this point. Right now, it's my time and talent I can offer -- I don't have extra cash around that I can give, as much as I would like to. Basically, Can I Help? If so, How?

At any rate, guys, my e-mail is above, don't hesitate to ask.
Peace & Love,
Gwyn

Seven Against Chaos


HARLAN-

A few years back I picked up the original manuscript of your "Seven Against Chaos" treatment (date June 1978) at Barry Levin's shop in Santa Monica. It's time for me to part with it, but before I posted it on eBay I wanted to know if you needed/wanted it for your collection.

Let me know.

Thanks.

--
Ryan

Apropos of nothing...
...but because so many people like to assert the opposite: Mr. Ellison is a Very Nice Man (and he hangs out with Nice People).

I'm glad you're feeling better, sir.

Jan S.

Hi, all. Harlan, I am glad you feel better. Please stay well. Hey, upon due and considered reflection, I think my last post of a few days ago was spacy and strange. I hope I was not rude; if so, many apologies. I'm a silly old thing at times. I wanted to post because I wanted to say to shagin - the social service agencies, especially the ones run by the government, are poorly run, staffed by stupid peons, and are told to just deny needy people as a rule. Therefore, valid strategies to deal include no holds barred. Let's say I have known people in the past who prevaricated somewhat re income and assets to obtain oh let's say medical assistance for the seven heart and BP meds they were on. Not that the person's assets were large.
Quite the opposite; laughably so. But the income limits are just ridiculously outdated. I think almost all countries in the Western world outdistance this one in giving little things like food, shelter, medical aid, education to their citizens. Yet our country can afford, instead, to blow up innocent women and children in Iraq and elsewhere. This is both a morally wrong allocation of assets, and a foolishly wasteful one. My dear dear 15 year old nephew is also disabled, autism, various other disabilties. My sister and I had to stand on our heads and spit half dollars to get the aid and education assistance the child needed, and was entitled to by federal law. Good luck and God bless your efforts. KOS, you have my entire sympathy though I do not know you. I loved my mom dad and paternal aunt with my heart and soul, but I don't think I ever had a romantic relationship or even close friendship that didn't threaten them in some way or another. One relationship ended because of this conflict. In hindsight, it was not a right thing for me and the guy for other reasons, (primarily he thought books were mostly for holdiing up other things like beer cans, etc.), but that should have been mine and his decision to make, not theirs. Advice is generally worth what one pays for it, but you sound like a cool guy, she should feel lucky to have you, and if after a short period of reflection, she still chooses them over you, you don't need that and you deserve better. In a way, just to me, it sounds the monster is using her daughter to cheat you out of the car and/or payment for same. Don't let her. I don't mean to speak lightly of your pain. I know how much that can hurt, and it sucks big time. This is what I do now, though. I think of someone who loves me and respects, and I say to myself, Self, say I, would this person want me to be treated the way this other person is treating me? If the answer is no, then I know no matter what, I have to go. God bless you too, and you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Stuff like this is why I don't date any more. Someone, and I can't look back to see who, asked for reading recommendations. Pretty decent light reading is Stephen King's book about the Florida Keys, I think called Dumas Key, something like that. (I'm here, book there.)Also kind of fun, scary and funky is Dean Koontz's False Memory. I liked so much better than a lot of his other stuff. Serious reading would be Allan Paton, Cry the Beloved Country, and Ah But Your Land is Beautiful. Sad but very well written and gripping. Also I am attempting Steinbeck's Grapes of Wrath as I missed it in college. I go back and forth - love book, hate book, love book hate book. Not the books to read for a quick giggle. Red Lobster to drift backwards in time and thoughts, I love. Because of the events celebrated there. My graduation with my parents aunt grandma and siblings when they were young and cute, dates with my deceased fiancee,(our place)etc. Haven't been because of memories, misty water colored ones. But some of whether restaurants are good or bad is determined by me partially by who I am with (whom?), the occasion, and for me, big time, how much the staff give a flying red balloon. Kind servers make up for some ineptitude, food can be just decent is it is reasonable and other things shine bright, etc. If the food is crappy, they want 80 bucks or so and the waiter is rude, then that be a bad thing. Seldom has all these things happened to me at the same time. It's a balance. For Chicagoans or visitors, try Chi Tung 95th and Kedzie for Chinese, Betucci's for Italian city and suburbs, and Khyber Pass Oak Park for Indian. They strike the balance. I also apologize for what is long posts, but I'm not always at my sisters and I am verbose. By the by, I still want to be 22 again and weigh 129. I'd take 30 and 140 too. What are my chances. Take care all

Thanks all around
Thanks for the many and several kind responses to my Wee Hours Of The Dark post about the bullshit antics of A Day In The Life.

They helped.

Harlan's the one who helped most.

Supposedly the money for the car is in the fiancee's bank account. Supposedly she is returning to Ma Maison tomorrow. At that time I am supposed to receive the money.

We'll see. Failing the above happening, Monday morning will be booked up for me, doing paperwork at the courthouse.

I'm not a victim. I was a sucker.

Anais Nin!

I fell in love with her writing in the eighties. A girlfriend one Saturday morning gave me Delta of Venua and Little Birds. That was about Nine. We sipped champagne and nibbled strawberries while reading the stories aloud. By Ten we were reading the book in bed, with occasional lapses into non-lierary forms of entertainment.

We finally got out of that bed Sunday night. Drove to Del Taco for about three bags of tacos, since we had not eaten in nearly 24 hours. Then we went back to bed and finished the books.

You do the math.

I've read a fair amount of her stuff, it all seems good to me, and then I read so many dismissive "she's a minor writer of erotic fiction and proto-feminist romances" and i wonder if I have lost my mind or if the Establishment is bugfuck?

Glad to know, via HE, that I am OK with liking Anais Nin. She's one of three writers I would drain a vein to have spent an hour with. I got that hour, and more to spare, with one of the the trio (Fritz Leiber). The other? Well, I get plenty of exposure to him right here.

Bebe Barron: Oh how I adore the soundtrack from Forbidden Planet. I have a screenplay I've worked on for a few years, sort of a personal project, titled "Vermilion Skies", and the friend that will film it is a composer as well as director. He's been planning an score that is somewhat of an homage to Bebe and Jack Barron's work on Forbidden Planet. As well as more than a nod in the direction of the great theremin work found in that of Day The Earth Stood Still (and I foret, was that Bernard Herrmann? oI've long wanted to own a theremin and play with it, and this film will be the perfect chance.

Tragic, the loss of Danton Burroughs. I have a good friend who wrote a spec script for a Tarzan movie. Just for fun, but he did ocntact RRB Inc. about it, and they were so kind. The script is actualy pretty good, but what chance is there of anyone ever reading it? He's reworking it to remove the ERB material and make it salable.

You guys are good. You almost make me want to be a Democrat. I will say this: You've kept me from becoming a Republican. Not that that was very hard!

Frank: Especially warm thanks to you. Though i am also glad to see you are not going soft on us!

I am considering attending a screenwriting workshop held by Robb Tobin. Does anyone here have info on him and his workshops? I'm getting a heavily discounted offer (he's a friend of a friend), so it's very tempting.

KOS

Danton Burroughs Tribute Website
A very nice website with countless photos of Danton through the years is up at
www.ERBzine.com/dantonburroughs

I'd known Danton for 14 years and just found out yesterday morning. It was quite a shock. I'd just seen him last month and spoken to him last Saturday and we were planning to get together next week to discuss his plans for the future of ERB, Inc.

ALEJANDRO:

Absolutely, it's okay with me for Guillermo to have that contact info. Or my phone number, if you know it. If not--though he used it to call me previously--The Great Webmaster Wyatt will forward HIS contact info. Or, Rick, if you're reading this, give Guillermo my phone number directly. Thanks, both of you. Sorry to be a pain in the ass, transmissionwise.

Yr. Pal, Harlan

Lars:

F.Y.I.: The package (Codename: OPERATION CHAIR) is in Alexandria, VA.

All best,

Susan

Danton Burroughs
Harlan, more on Danton. He died sometime after ten on April 30 of a heart attack. He had been suffering from Parkinson's Disease, but there is speculation that the heart attack may have been triggered by a fire in his home that apparently destroyed many of his papers and treasures. Dan was an avid collector and had certainly become a major archivist of the Burroughs family history and his grandfather's writings.

He was also a Hell of a nice guy and very accessible to the fans and admirer's of ERB's work. He was 64.

Guillermo Update
Harlan:

Got a response from Guillermo: he wanted to know how to get ahold of you. I sent him Rick's e-mail address so that he could provide Guillermo with all the details. Hope that's okay with you and Rick.

AR

FRANK:

I agree with you, sadly, about Judy's ever-increasing manner of meanspiritedness. When I suggested watching her show, it was solely as regards HAVING PROOF and TAKING ALL THE PAPERWORK when you go to Small Claims. If the Judge says, "show me the record of that sale" or "show me the e.mail where she agrees you bought the car jointly" be positive you have PROOF for every little possible logical question that can come up. Witnesses, if necessary; records, for sure; voice-mails where someone cops to what you're trying to assert. Just "Well, she said..." or "I said..." or "We had a verbal agreement..." is useless bullshit. Watching Judge Judy for a week, or Judy AND "The People's Court" (as I do, on a regular basis) will prove invaluable for the Deductive Logic WITH BACKUP of your claim. KOS's shtick seems a particularly nasty, sticky one; so watching Judy--who has, indeed, grown more shrikelike yearly--is another arrow in the quiver.

But, y'know, Frank, all that said ... if IIIIIII had to deal with the mooks, morons, thugs and oblivious assholes Sheindlin visits with on any given day, I would've taken to the Glock oh so LOOOOOOOOONG ago.

Yr. Pal, Harlan

SHAGIN
Let me address you from the bottom of the food chain of published writers (HE came at you from the top).
The response you got from that editor is something a lot of writers NEVER GET IN THEIR LIVES! It IS a major deal.
The important thing is to write and submit, write and submit, lather, rinse, repeat! You're looking for YOUR editor, the one who appreciates what YOU write, before you break in. And while a form letter rejection slip doesn't necessarily mean the submission sucks (I've had form letter rejections and personal comments from editors and acceptances on the same manuscript), the invitation you got means they like your writing!
Good luck!

ALEJANDRO:

Muchas gracias, asai.

-he

WORDS OF LOVE

BILL GAUTHIER:

Truly at a loss for adequate gratitude. Sometimes every last available word choice simply founders, in sufficient. What a really ... d'uh ... great essay-cum-review. Just great.

I have printed out copies for Neil and Peter, and I'm sure Erik will have lurk-read it by now. It goes in the DREAMS file, in the reviews file, and in the Scrapbook. If I have a regret, my friend, it is that a mere fart (or fear of fart) kept us from clutching claw.

Please don't let it happen again. When next we cut trail, mijo, say to me, "I'm Bill Gauthier," and watch my smile as it encompasses the world.

Thank you, Bill. Thank you ever so much.

Yr. Pal, Harlan

SHAGIN:

The language of that editorial "bounce note" is the key to the Holy Land. It is precisely and exactly what every hopeful writer longs to see: not yet, but I'm interested; come back at me with your best shot.

It is EXACTLY and PRECISELY what I, and every writer, has received, and it is the Holy Grail, kiddo. You are no more than a step away from your first sale.

Next to "May I help?" and "I love you," the words of that bounce note are the sweetest syllables in the auctorial world. Go get'm, tooots.

Yr. Pal, Harlan

The frost is off the pumpkin big time, our Harlan is back in full form. He is right, KOS needs to poke the bee hive. I tried to show sympathy, based on the fact that I usually gurgle bile. But, he is right. Fangs are needed, not gummed maypo.

I disagree about Judge Judy, always thought she was way too mean. You can be tough, but mean is just that.

---------------

They do not create sunlight in factories, this is why we need Anais Nin and her silken ilk. The free market cannot paint the Sistine Chapel either.

-------------

Danger Mouse, the hip producer of the moment is a big Morricone fan. He may do a hip hop Morricone tribute.

Bet that set Harlan's blood cold.

Sandra,

Might I also suggest finding out who your congressional representatives are (state and national) and contacting their offices with your story? Unless they're some kind of Newt Gingrich wannabe sociopaths, they or their people might add some weight to your case. You never know till you try.

Chuck

Question for Erik Nelson

Erik:

It's great to see this growing buzz about "Dreams With Sharp Teeth" a full year after I attended the screening at the Writer's Guild theater. About the DVD, I was wondering something about the clips on your Web site of Harlan reading from his work, with the wonderful graphics (I really like those!) that accompany them:

Were the entire stories filmed and are they to be included on the DVD, or will those also just be clips from the work?

Saddened at the death of Bebe Barron
Harlan, I was saddened to hear of the death of Bebe Barron. A phenomenal pioneer in synthesized music, the work she and Louis Barron did for the soundtrack of Forbidden Planet is unrivaled.

I sympathize with your loss.

Small Claims Court
If you (or anyone else) decide to sue in Small Claims court, I recommend paying the extra fee and having an armed marshal serve them in their place of business. I did that and it sure gets their attention. Got me a quick settlement.

Your message has been conveyed
Harlan, it so happens that I have Guillermo's e-mail address and I just sent him a message expressing your wished to talk to him.

AR

yes
David Loftus said:

"And Gilliam!"

Definitely Gilliam.

Wow, look at all those posts.
Harlan is feeling better.
The world trembles...
Glad you're feeling better, go get 'em.

DWST
I finally saw DREAMS WITH SHARP TEETH last week during the IFF Boston. I liked the movie very much. There were about thirty people at the screening I saw (it was a very small theater in Cambridge) and the film had everyone laughing in all the right places.

Anyway, for those who are interested, I wrote something more personal about the experience here:
http://bill-gauthier.livejournal.com/213888.html

There was something that surprised me a whole lot.

Anyway, great work Mr. Nelson (if you're out there) and congrats to Harlan. I'm truly looking forward to the DVD.

Take care,
Bill

HARLAN -- lawyer in the pipes to see what I can do about protecting any benefits should my mother's situation worsen (as an aside, I told her that this Chinese fire drill is yet another reason she has to make it with flying colors through surgery and recovery; she needs to hold on until he's 18. She wasn't impressed.), fact finding in the works, will look into the paper angle on Monday when their full office staff reopens. That is one angle I hadn't considered. I have no interest in shooting the messengers, but I would dearly love to cut the head off this beast.

***

KOS -- Don't give up. There comes a time when your lady will have to face the dragon at her back, and I hope that it works out for the best. I would like to think that "works out for the best" is also what's best for you, but we're here for you no matter what. Hang in there. As Laurie said, if you need cash help we can throw a little your way (rent is paid for now, so I have a tiny bit of wiggle room). Email me if there's a need, and don't let pride stand in the way.

***

Yesterday afternoon I received an email response to a recent short fiction submission. "Angels are a hard sell, but this one came close. Send me something else. I want to have a look."

It may not seem like much to some folks, but I'm not giving up.


shagin

OVERVIEW

You folks are nice, and your kind thoughts are always terrific, but for KOS and Sandra there is a need to ACT! One can sit and watch the tide of tears and self-pity rise, or one can turn all that into ACTION and do some-fucking-thing to exert one's fiber of reprisal. The tactics I suggested to both of them have worked for me. Use them if you want to, if you can, if you feel up to it; or don't; your choice. But stop acting like victims. The world is shitcan-filled with inept and vicious (or both) lame-Os who will keep coming like the Terminator. Go back at them -- for Every Action There is a Vicious, Powerful Ploy Re-Action. Find them, use them, stop cringing.

Yr. Pal, feeling LOTSTHEFUCK better, Harlan

KOS:

Take them to Small Claims Court. Sue for the max. Get your paperwork in order. Watch Judge Judy to see what I mean. File on Monday. Do it now.

Harlan

ODELL:

Take your situation, take your "story" to whatever ombudsman-type or manque has ink available at the newspapers in your area. But let the Senior Supervisor at the bureau that is fucking with you, the SENIOREST supervisor, make him aware--registered signed-for letter, taped conversation, whatever--let him/her know that you are going public with their calloused treatment of a sincere case. Not blackmail, no threats, just the flat-out simple that "I will be certifying your behavior to (ADD NAME(S) HERE) at the (ADD NEWSPAPERS HERE). You can attempt to help me, enabling me to praise you specifically, which will look good to YOUR superiors, or you can persist in this obstructionist, cruel, infraagency shifting of responsibility."

Get the social service Ombudsman's name at the papers. They love this sort of O. Henry heartfelt saga.

Yr. Pal, Harlan

KELL BROWN: Yes, you are.

And you may add me to the pantheon of Educated Readers who no less than worships Anais Nin. And her sister-by-another-mother, Colette.

-he

ON THE DEATH OF BEBE BARRON

Bebe and Louis were friends of mine. I hadn't spoken to her in, oh, perhaps ten years; as happens too often, we lost track of each other after she and Louis split; but she was a true darlin'. Thinking back on her sweet smile makes me sad at the knowledge that, like so many of those who endeared themselves, Bebe too is now gone. And today I spoke to Mike Richardson who was flattened by the news that Danton Burroughs had a sudden heart attack and died just a few days ago.

I do not expect this sort of thing to stop happening.

My birthday is the 27th. I will be 74. Is that even possible?

Fraught with Mortality, I remain, for the nonce, Harlan.

If anyone out there knows how to contact Guillermo del Toro, please get to him and let him know I want to talk to him. He has my phone number. We've talked once. I need to do it again.

You have my thanks in advance, whoever. Harlan

Rick Keeney and KOS...
Rick, let me add my congratulations on having your new child. I have observed many friends go through that super-awake period and they all thought it was worth it---many years later.

Bonzai--what a terrific nickname! Be well, take care, glad the reading is good and the baby is well.

KOS
Jeez, what a rotten day. I've had a few myself but that one is world class. Sorry you're going through tough times.

I feel your pain. To prove it, I will loan you a small amount of money if you phone (Harlan has the number), email me or post here. I'm fairly broke myself due to mucho recent dental work but could spare $100 if you really need it. Let me know. Hang in there.

As for the Wicked Witch of Northern California...what can I say? You already know she should not have the power to order your lady around especially in regard to her love life or possible marriage. I suffered myself from an overbearing domineering power crazed mother. My mother's power over me was greatly lessened over the years and, I am happy to report, had no real influence on me by my forties for two reasons: My ability to get by without her though I admit my income has always been scanty at best. And, just as important, I learned to view her as a sit-com character. To do this, you have to get in the habit of joking about her a lot instead of complaining or psychoanalyzing her endlessly and you have to imagine a laugh track when she grabs her broom and goes to work. This takes a bit of practice but it's well worth the effort. You might suggest this to your lady if you feel it's appropriate.

Going Postal!!!
Susan,

Just to followup, I have received RH44. (Delivered to the old place with no forwarding stickers attached. *sigh*)

Will send you a note with new address soon.

Thanks
Peg

babe in arms
Nearly two weeks into the life of baby Ben Keeney and not a single night have I slept through.

Nevertheless, thank you all for your many mazels tov.

I can tell you that a 3a.m. feeding with a worn copy of Fowles' THE MAGUS in hand makes for a surreal moment.

The pacifier seems a godsend at this point.

His name is Ben Sandhei Keeney, and the closest his older sister can get to that is "Bonsai!" Any of you who met Chloe at Minicon a few years ago will see the humor in that little anecdote.

Peace,
Rick, the Babe-derlander and Stace

While "yipyop" is one of those idiomatics akin to "deja vu" or "yotz" or "welschmertz" that hide within their few syllables an infinitude of sly and subtle nuances, and a plenitude of similar but distinct meanings, subtly shaded in precision, Chris Thurlow has put his pudgy thumb at least on the meaty core of the meaning. It would take a Leo Rosten to parse it exhaustively, but Chris has aimed you in the right direction.

Yr. Pal, Harlan
----------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, and by the way...

Though I know Susan conveyed my thanks and pleasure for the Conklin, JohnZ, let me do it personally. Thankyouthankyouthankyou. I use it every day!

Yr. Pal, Harlan

CHAIRS IN SPACE

LARS:

Been meaning to post this to you for a few days, but, well, coughing and etcetera has put me behind in smallish matters.

Nonetheless, we ran the Fedex tracking number for the chair today, and according to their menu (and they advised tomorrow would be a more interesting day, for some reason) the carton is currently in Bloomington. Now, I have no idea if that's Bloomington, California or Bloomington, Indiana or Bloomington Bangladesh...but for whatever comfort it provides, it's in motion toward you, somewhere transshippable named Bloomington.

The tracking number, for your own edification and amusement is:

FEDEX 468813010045561

38.80 lbs.

We wait, as one with you, breathlessly. Harlan & Susan

another sign that the end times are upon us...
Coming soon - Reptilicus 2 !

Yipyop
Harlan,

Might a Yipyop be a person who is gullible enough to become hooked on a sham and/or scam when said person is given the promise of a “reveal” at the end when, in actuality, there is no such final reveal forthcoming and the whole thing has been some sort of blow-off?

I’ll use it in a sentence:

“You’re all a bunch of yipyops for falling for that 'Yipyop' gag.”

At which point you laugh-cough up another globule of Lovecraft and, this being the last bit of him, find yourself completely healed of your ailment.

Close?
Chris

For KOS & Sandra...
Dear KOS & Sandra
Damn, this is one of those times I wish I had won the lottery and had money to just give away to help fix things. Please do e-mail me if "talking" to someone will offer support or comfort. I might be able to help in other ways, but can't promise anything. I will start doing some research into options if I get your permission via e-mail.
Kindest regards,
Gwyn

KOS, how in the fuck can some dumb ass parents make their daughter not marry someone they love? They must have real power over her or she is underage and you are some freak.

hehe. Jus' tryin to lighten up the sticky mood.

Hope all goes well, even from someone who usually gets the other end of the pointy stick from you. Be good.


---------------

Ask these kids today to watch a Fellini film and they will complain, "where's the action?"

The eye is the painter of eternal action.

-----------

A joke:

When I see someone with only one leg I think to myself: "he must have kicked the wrong ass."

Sorry, but I'm answering a question
She needs descriptions of events, people, and places. Things as well. Most of the stories I love best are too "adult" for what she wants. I'll try to get her on here this weekend for more details.

TALLY: I think we're all trying to come up with something, but what exactly does your wife need - a description of common objects, of made-up stuff, of actions? In a way everything is description. What books do you have to choose from? Without being given more information, I'd take a look at "Soft Monkey" from ANGRY CANDY. Lots of good description and observation.

shooters


shagin mused:

:: A line up of directors for Ellison stories...hmmmmm...

Cronenberg! Get Cronenberg!

And Gilliam!

KOS:

Hold on, friend. This too will, undoubtedly, pass. Several people have recommended reading, which is normally my favorite distraction, but more for procrastination purposes -- avoiding something I have to do. In times of great stress, I find movies and music are better standbys. In the latter category, I return to "Some Like It Hot" and "Yellow Submarine" to lift my spirits.


Yesterday I wrote:

:: I posted on Amazon on May 5, 2000 (Jesus, six years ago this week!)

Sheesh. Eight years.

Where was MY head?

To Sandra, KOS and Harlan Ellison.
I am on the Pavilion for only brief moments. My work and Church keep me on the go much of the time. For what it is worth, all of you and your families are in my prayers. Mr. Ellison is correct about the civility of this board, which is why I still post here when I can.

I cannot speak with firsthand experience on much of anything you three are going through (save the flu, but mine was just flu, not flu + chronic conditions), but I do empathize and am humbled by what I hear and marvel at your grace, wit and tenacity (and that goes for many of the other people that post here).

Keep your respective heads up and thank you for letting me know that there are people out there like yourselves.

KOS,

You have my sympathies and my support. Having just completed my little journey through hell, my main piece of advice would be to turn to others for support. Whether it is here, over in the Forums, talking to friends, other writers, whomever, just know that you are not alone.

Steve mentioned that I have experience dealing with a monster for a mother in law and this is, unfortunately true. In my situation, my ex was unable to break the influence of her mother, even though she knew she was a toxic individual who had isolated herself from nearly the whole of humanity. The woman had her hooks deep within her child, was using her as a lifeline, and would not let her go even if it brought both of them down.

I sincerely hope your situation is able to resolve itself more amicably than mine. Regardless, if you wish to talk more, we can do so in the Forums, you could email, or if you wish to speak live, Barber or Rich has my cell phone number.

Once again, you are not alone.

All the best,

Mark

Correct my comment to Kim as "we outa work" and not "we oughta work". Big difference.

KOS - Fuck me. I am so sorry to read about your battles. Give things a day or so to sort themselves out. It seems as if the Harridan was harboring something a bit more than just "we oughta work and need some cash". Just ask Mark Goldberg, having a shrew for an in-law is never a good thing.

If your fiancee loves you, and there's no reason for me to think she doesn't, let her do the intermediating. It's inexcusable that someone of her age lets Mom do the talking, IMHO. (Your fiancee needs to get you that money or the car keys, however.)

As mentioned below, feel free to contact any of us or all of us.
________________________________

TALLY - Try reading through TROUBLEMAKERS. And, of course, the everloving PRINCE MYSHKIN. I'd avoid CROATOAN at all costs...

(If you get permission, that is.)

more on the wife and HE
Steve- I had thought about the jellybean scene from Repent..., but the wife wanted more recommendations as well as Harlan's ok for use in the classroom.

KOS- Hang in there my friend. We're all in your corner.

Wouldn't it be nice.
KOS,

Man, that fucking sucks. Hang in there.


Sandra,

It bears repeating. Hang in there. Nobody said the system was perfect. That's why we can fix it by writing letters and voting for the right people. That's one place, at least, to focus your anger.

Cindy,

It's always nice to see you on the Pav. Hope you and your family are doing well.

I had some things to say to the GenPop here a few days ago, but I shut down my Internet instead of posting. Can't remember what it was. I'll be 40 this year. I wonder if my brain is going going going? You know what I could use instead of the definition for Yipyop? A book recommendation. I just packed up all my books for temporary storage (need to clear them out to have some work done on the place, in prep for putting it on the market), and I feel abandoned without them.

-Keith

KOS:

I read your post and decided to forget all the stuff I was going to write here. I've been where you are, especially the out of work, out of money, denied unemployment insurance place. Very dark place indeed. Very depressing.

Just remember not to isolate yourself, to reach out to any and everyone you care about. Pull friends and family closer. It can be a lifesaver. Remind yourself you're not alone.

Even if it means reaching out to groups like this one, if only to have someone to share with.

Keep us posted.

Chuck

Wow
For what it's worth, I just now am winding up perhaps the shittiest day of my life (it's about a tie with the one wherein I found out my wife (now ex) was having sex with a man she apparently met on Yahoo, about whom, when I asked, she announced she wanted a divoce in order etc.)

My fiancee and I today sold a used car (given to me in payment of a debt by a third party not involved in todays' antics.) We sold it to my fiancee's parents. Fiancee's mother became nosily/noisily excited when my fiancee mentioned we needed the money to cover part of this months rent We had had some extra expenses this past month, and not much income. That's what happens when you are unemployed and sort of kind of semi "legally blind" but not enough so to get "welfare" or SSDI or SSI or whatever it is ya call the sumbitch.

That led, downward spiral and smoke of madness upward spiraling, to me sitting here alone at 1 something ayem, my fiancee having taken many of her things, while her maternal monsterr screamed at her to "do it or I will never speak to you again!", my fiancee in tears as she kissed me goodbye telling me she loves me and will be back, and the harridan parent screaming at me that she will never allow her daughter to marry me.

My fiancee and I are well into middle age (and that's being polite. We're well past forty.) She literally went home to mommy, with the Queen Bitch calling me a fucker, and other similar terms. She spent ten or so years in an Oregon commune (remember the Bagwhan, or however it was spelled? Yep.) studying meditation, alppanetly picking up some mind control tactics all to mind fuck people.
p
The world is a messy place, and days like today prove it.

Oh, final "turd in the punchbowl" for today: They are refusing to give me the money for the car. They have the car. They drove it home. Since I let my fiancee handle the DMV paperwork when it was transferred to us, she put it in her name, as I was not with her at the time.

Harridan seized on this, and told me "We'll pay HER, but not YOU!"

So they stole the car too. Color me sucker.

No fiancee, no rent money, and the cats are hungry. Well, I do have plenty of cat food.

It's a great life. Just don't get tired.

KOS

It's almost criminal neglect, but I'd never seen Fellini's La Strada...until this week when I finally rented it.

The ending stuck with me for two days!

Both Anthony Quinn and Richard Basehart are well-embedded in my list of top all-time favorite actors.

Yesterday I jumped through the hoops of the Social Security recertification for our youngest child (he has a diagnosis of mosaic 5P-); today I navigated the maze of Department of Developmental Disability questions for recertification. My husband's grandmother, a feisty force of nature even at age 83, passed away two years ago from cancer of the spleen, and his mother helped us finance vehicles that didn't need the usual emergency spit-and-bailing-wire emergency repair kit (they're not new, merely newer than our previous death traps).

To receive a level of medical/personal assistane to help us care for our child and meet his basic needs, we cannot exceed a resource cap of $2000. Because of the comparative worth of even *one* of the vehicles based on the Kelly Blue Book value, I was informed yesterday that we have exceeded the cap and my son's eligibility for assistance is in jeapordy...

...unless we can find dealership willing to put in writing the current value of the car (and none of the dealerships are willing to chance putting anything in writing for fear we'd turn around and somehow claim they told us they'd give us that much for the car -- that's not what I want to do, but I don't blame their caution), or we have to give it away. We're looking at signing one of the vehicles over to my mother-in-law; she'll hold the title, we'll hold the registration and will still drive the vehicle.

I'm 40 fucking years old and I have to give my toys to my mommy because they're too nice for me. It's not enough that we're so far below the poverty line we can't even see it from here, we have to go back to the days of foodbank tuna delight and dragging our bellies through the muck so people don't mistake us for human beings.

With every turn of the page, Harlan taught me I was okay to get angry, no, not merely okay, that I had damn well better get angry and stand up for what matters. The past two days have been angry days in a big picture frame backed by a no unscheduled drama memo. My children are human beings and deserve every opportunity to achieve their greatest potential. My husband and I don't want hand-outs, we don't really want hand-ups, all we want is to give them a chance.

Thank you once again, Harlan, from the smallest vertebrae of my spine.

The real kicker? If my husband and I had decided we could not deal with our youngest son's diagnosis and placed him in foster care, or even terminated our parental rights and placed him up for adoption, the family that took him in and cared for him would have received a monthy stipend based on his diagnosis and needs, not based on their income.


Sandra

To Just John:

Sorry,John, I wasn't meaning to offend anyone. I meant my post in a lighthearted sort of way. So please forgive.

As for Red Lobster, I went once and didn't much like it. But, hey, that's me and maybe it was just that particular restaurant. In the end, it's what people like that matters.

Truly, no offense intended.

Mr.Ellison, I read that you called Brazil "the greatest SF film ever made". That makes me very happy, since Brazil is one of my favorite movies.

/Anton.

No, no, no more. Red Lobster is where every other fast food place dumps its grease. I think they use car lube to cook their inedible fish. Everything on the menu tastes like KFC, but more greasy.

Had a bad stomach ache the last time I dined there--and I do mean the last time.

Give me some good prawns any time.

--------------

Barber, go to any cheap buffet in Vegas--that's Red Lobster.

-------------

I won't go as far as boycotting places, except for Wal-Mart, which I only went in a few times. Wal-Mart is a special beast: China's favorite carrion pickers.

I go to McDonalds for the fries; sometimes the breakfasts, which, in fact, are quite good.

-----------

Richard Florida says that creative types help a city economically, as well as with its image. Elitism helps progress, you heard it here first.

query
Brian- have you ever eaten at Rangoon, over on 9th ? The ginger salad alone will make you plotz...

YipYop

A flat-headed thug, a dink (literally as well I think), or general loser.

or

A mope. A baggy pant wearing slacker with nothing to do but make waste.

Am I close?

Might a yipyop play a mugwort?

Nin - evites

Well, blow me down. Anais Nin is one topic I might never have expected to turn up here. For me, Nin is a like an old girlfriend -- one from WAY back -- about whom I have highly mixed feelings. She got all tangled up in the romantic mythology of my mind with my first love and Sarah, the protagonist of _The French Lieutenant's Woman_. I used to wear an Anais Nin t-shirt in high school and college; never saw one on another person. I think I still have my LPs of her readings.

This review of _Henry and June_ that I posted on Amazon on May 5, 2000 (Jesus, six years ago this week!) sort of sums up my history with her:


I read a lot of Anais Nin's fiction when I was in high school, because my girlfriend did. I didn't get it. I tried to read her famous diary, but couldn't finish even the first volume. There was an intelligent and interesting woman there, but I didn't feel I was really getting to her. The diary entries I read were too cool, too discursive for my taste.

Then _Henry and June_ came out in 1986. It covered the exact same period (Paris, 1931) as "Volume I" of Nin's diaries -- first published, but in highly edited form one could now see, in 1969. Here she begins to cheat on her husband Hugo with the young Henry Miller, meets and flirts with his flighty wife June, and opens to life and eventually other men in an explosive fashion. HERE was the flesh-and-blood woman I had sensed behind the original published diaries. She panted, she sweated, she lied, she used filthy language as well as high poetry, and she adored love and sex. I thought she was a wonder. Nin and Miller collide like titans; sparks fly when they talk and when they make love.

Unfortunately, I have read several of the subsequent, increasingly-appalling unexpurgated diaries, as well as the biographies by Noel Riley Fitch and Deirdre Bair. The bloom is definitely off the rose. Ms. Nin turns out to have been a consummate deceiver (though of herself as much as anyone else), an artist manque who thought herself -- wished herself -- far more talented than she turned out to be. She works better in fantasy than reality; I still might have liked to meet her in her prime, but it would have been dicey to get involved with her.

It is in this book that she shows to her best as a character (never mind whether it's all true or another kind of fiction). Here one sees a woman's passion in all its riotous fire and self-contradiction. Just read this one and leave all the rest (save, perhaps for the curious erotica and a decent collection of essays entitled "In Favor of the Sensitive Man"), unless you have a penchant for the odd and pretentious.


Several years back, while searching the fiction aisles of Powell's Books, I overheard a young couple behind me marveling over the beauty of Nin in photos from her 40s or 50s, and I called over my shoulder: "Two words: cosmetic surgery." She got her first nose job in her early 30s.

Perhaps her greatest fiction was her life.

And if anyone's unsure, her name is "Anna-EEZE," not "Uh-NIGH-us."


Brian Siano, in defense of chain restaurants, wrote:

:: Oh, and one really, really good thing about chain
:: restaurants: they don't look at you funny if you dine
:: there _alone_ and bring a _book to read when you're
:: eating_.

Good point! I stopped going into McDonald's years ago for political reasons, and since I went off land-based meats and sodas a year ago I have little reason to step into any of the other fast-food places (I miss Wendy's; I ate many lunches in the one beneath the elevated Green Line near what once was the Boston Garden), but I remember when I used to do that ... alone, with a book, I mean. And I would not hesitate to patronize local sit-down chains like Elmer's (old-fashioned pancake-and-steak houses) or Newport Bay (seafood). It's just that they've pretty much moved out to the suburbs, where -- having gone carless -- I rarely have occasion, let alone ability, to travel.

ATC wrote: "guillermo del Toro on I, ROBOT seems like an inexact fit, but I think he would do a marvelously icky "Croatoan." Just daydreaming."

Oooooo.....yeah!

A line up of directors for Ellison stories...hmmmmm...

****

Hubby considers me a heretic. I've lived on both coasts, Hawaii, and the Great Lakes, and I hate seafood. In his eyes, that's almost as heinous a crime as not liking prime rib. In my eyes, prime rib is a french dip sliced too thick and in need of a bun.


S.

Wow.

Only on the Pavilion could we have simultaneous discussions on Red Lobster, Anais Nin, Guillermo del Toro, the Palestinian situation and defining "yipyop". Gotta love this place.
____________________________________

I'm with Barney on Anais Nin -- her book "Little Birds" is one of my favorites. (I'm not sure what that says about me, but there it is.)
____________________________________

I haven't been to a Red Lobster in years -- decades perhaps -- but it has more to do with my esposa's preference for foods other than fish than with any concern about quality. We HAVE had the fortune to dine at five star restaurants (though often when ol' Dad is picking up the check), and are just as content grabbing a salad at Mimi's or dinner at The Macaroni Grill.

____________________________________

(Ssshhhh. ERIK - Don't let Josh hear you use that Auteur title too often. He's likely to upside you with a frying pan. We know. We've seen 'im do it. Wasn't pretty.)
____________________________________

TALLY - On your next post, or over in the Forums, please expland on your request. Second Graders are unlikely to really get much of, say, "Erotophobia" -- but would get a laugh out of the Jelly Bean sequence in "Repent Harlequin..." But you never know.
____________________________________

Okay. A yipyop is a small, mongreloid siamese-twin dog with a cleft palate.

Guillermo del Toro
guillermo del Toro on I, ROBOT seems like an inexact fit, but I think he would do a marvelously icky "Croatoan." Just daydreaming.

Nin
*** Ezra *** What's your problem with Anaïs Nin? I just read A SPY IN THE HOUSE OF LOVE two months ago and I thought it was sort of brilliant.

- Barney Dannelke

Albert Hofmann / Bebe Barron
I hadn't heard about Bebe Barron. Quite a loss, the Forbidden Planet soundtrack is a favorite of mine.

As for the late Dr. Hofmann, the documentary "Hofmann's Potion" is highly recommended for a little bit of perspective as regards his legacy. Added a tape of it to my stacks last time Free Speech TV aired it, actually.

Harlan's said good things about Red Lobster in the past. One of these days, I'll eat at a Red Lobster... but _every one_ of my friends reacts to the idea with groans, retches, and severe disdain.

But, like Just John, I don't bitch about chain restaurants on principle. We live in a huge, very populated society. Chain restaurants make sense: easier distribution, an atmosphere acceptable to most Americans, and a degree of variety. There's nothing in that that _forces_ the food to be good or bad. (Unless you define "good food" as "food prepared entirely outside of a chain restaurant,' which is pretty silly.)

Fact is, most people bitching about chain restaurants are poseurs, people who _affect_ the attitude of a food snob, even though most of us have _rarely_ eaten at a five-star restaurant. It's a bit like cultivating a taste for wine: it's great if you have taste, but acquiring expertise requires drinking a lot of expensive wines, and keeping careful track of what which wine tasted like. Not many of us have that luxury; I like red wine, and I can recognize a good one, but I'm happy with the house Cabernet in most cases. And if someone _does_ have that background in wine and tries to lord it over me, well, then it's not a matter of _taste_ as it is _class and wealth_, and I don't like having those differences rubbed in my face.

As for chain restaurants, well, it'd be _nice_ to brunch at Le Bec Fin. But I can't afford that, and the uptick in quality is subject to diminishing returns. So I'll be happy with Outback or Boston Market, and maybe once a month I'll snack at McDonald's.

Oh, and one really, really good thing about chain restaurants: they don't look at you funny if you dine there _alone_ and bring a _book to read when you're eating_.

Stick With Hobbits!
"I'm not a sci-fi guy but I would make a film based on Ellison"

I already MADE a film "based on Ellison", and people, lemme tell me ya, G. Del Toro would have his work cut out for him if he decides to tempt THAT particular fate.

Run, my distinguished bearded colleague,

RUN!!!

Erik Nelson
Auteur Director (and burned out husk)
Dreams With Sharp Teeth

P.S Now, if GTD would like to tackle that script for "I, ROBOT".....

Help for my wife
My darling wife of more than a decade teaches second grade at an arts-integration school here in Backwater, SC. She is interested in using some of Unca Harlan's more descriptive works to help teach her charges how to better describe the world around them. She would like recommendations from the Webderlanders and Unca Harlan his-own-self if possible AND permission to display them on her overhead.

Thanks in advance-
Tally

PS- Hope you continue to recover, Harlan.

Two notable passings this past week:

Albert Hofmann (1/1/1906 - 4/29/2008)

Swiss chemist who discovered lysergic acid diethylamide and is not to be held responsible for the 45 minute guitar solo and tie dye and Timothy Leary.


Bebe Barron (6/16/1925 - 4/20/2008)

Pioneering electronic music composer along with her husband Louis. Most famous for creating the soundtrack for the movie FORBIDDEN PLANET. Also seems to be responsible for the concept of the audio book having recorded and issued readings by Henry Miller, Tennessee Williams, and Aldous Huxley in the 1940s. They also recorded Anaïs Nin but we won't hold that against them (see Albert Hofmann/tie dye).

Seafood and Red Lobster
JUST JOHN: Maybe it's the location of the Red Lobster restaurant. In KC, MO, dining at ANY Red Lobster is asking for shitty food. Thought maybe it was due to being in MidAmerica till I tried McCormick & Schmicks on the Plaza. Damn near as good as Legal Seafood in Boston.

It's odd, but I've found very few seafood restaurants in Melbourne. Plenty that serve seafood as well, but few which build their reputation/business around it. Odd, since this is a coastal city.
--DTS

Guillermo and the Hobbit
"I'm not a sci-fi guy but I would make a film based on Ellison in a second- or on Sturgeon or Bradbury or Matheson."

His point being?

(Otherwise, huzzahs all around for the only writer-director apart from Peter Jackson that I'd trust on this project.)

Guillermo and The Hobbit
Guillermo responds to some of the more fannish concerns about his taking on "The Hobbit" and he even refers Harlan at the end:

http://newboards.theonering.net/forum/gforum/perl/gforum.cgi?post=93384;guest=1193498#93384

Now Guillermo directing an adaptation of any of Harlan's story...that would be precious.

"Unless Israel and the US play a bad hand, there is nothing stopping a real peace."

OR the third possibility, wherein the Palestinians lob more random missiles at Israel just for laughs.

I would never try to challenge Frank's expertise on this subject, but when EITHER side of those borders expects quick easy answers no lasting progress will be seen.

Ahhhhh
LARS AND THE REAL GIRL.

oh, I can't resist
Is a yipyop something along the lines of a clueless youth, a flaky, scatterbrained young person??

Or (from our very own archives...)
"A jamook is a yipyop. A slaphead. A Yobbo. You know--a putz."

Hey, what's wrong with Red Lobster??
Pavilion Reader, Red Lobster is a perfectly fine restaruant. My wife happens to like it, and so do I. Not every meal has to be the finest gourmet French food. I'm a little tired of the argument that seems to say that anything made in a chain restaurant can't possibly be any good. Nonsense. The chef and the management make all the difference, I don't care who or what owns the darned place.

And Harlan: If you ever decide to do a writers workshop again, you should help some of us convince Dan Simmons to finally hold his Windwalker Writers Workshop later this summer or early this fall, and make you the guest of honor. Fresh air and sunshine in the Rockies, Dan's company, knuckleheaded writers to whip into shape or into becoming carpenters. What more could a man ask for?

Harlan, were you serious about a desire to visit the Red Lobster?

I dunno, guess I never figured you for a Red Lobster type. Maybe I need to check out the Red Lobster again!

Hope you feel better soon.

FINDERDOUG:

No. On all three.

Yr. Pal, Harlan

Steve B-I do find it somewhat hard to believe no one else had a question about the cd insert photos. In my defense I have always been curious with album covers and the info on the sleeve. I guess I now view the cd sleeve,usually as I am listening to the record. In this case I had all three cds stacked together by the cd player in my computer and as I looked at both inserts it just seemed obvious that the pictures on cds two and three were from the same photo shoot, that is why,out of curiousity,I asked.
I have listened to all three and enjoyed the differences that make each unique.I also am really impressed by the amount her voice has matured since 1997. I have been a singer all my life and I know how hard it is to improve unless you seriously try.At any rate, if you like jazz or contemporary music get Cris's website address from Steve B and order some cds.

Jimmy Carter says that Hamas now accepts "Israel's right to exist." Not even I believe that, as you all know. Unless Israel and the US play a bad hand, there is nothing stopping a real peace.

For people who don't know, no nation state has a right to exist, based on the fact that states are formulated, based on colonization. Like saying I have a right to have a wife if I kidnap her and make her marry me.

But, good on brother Jimmy. He pretty much makes up for his shitty Presidency.

---------------

things
Harlan - appreciated your reply to Mr Levy. Also, I apologize for not refreshing the refill on the Conklin. I don't think they have their own but they take Cross refills. Any ideas out there vis a vis Dr Who ringtones ? Just acquired a bunch of Naomi Mitchison novels-I know of her but would like to hear the opinion of any one who's read her..Thanks, Norvell Jones...

For the first time that I can remember today's print Washington Post has a clear image of the human cost of the Iraqi war. On the front page there is a photograph of a man climbing out of the rubble somewhere in Sadr City holding up the body of a dead child. The caption under the photo makes it explicit that the death of this child was the direct result of American bombing.

Americans seem to think that our military are serious when they talk about "smart" bombs and weapons that know how to find "evil-doers" without also killing innocent folks in packed residential areas. Whatcha want to bet that the Post will get reams of criticism for showing so shocking an image on the front page?

Harlan:

Might a yipyop

be

a parvenu?

an upstart?

what mother referred to as "new money"?

reviews

I'm going to violate the one-a-day rule since the topic is hot and my post earlier this morning was so brief. I understand John Scalzi is hosting a "One Star Challenge Roundup" on his Web site, where SF&F writers can repost choice excerpts from one- or two-star reviews their work received on Amazon (admittedly, a much lower quality pool of critics than the norm). I haven't seen it, just heard about it on a friend's blog, but it prompted me to respond:


I’ve occasionally had a hankering to place on my Web site some excerpts from the few reviews my book received, because some of the remarks were so diametrically opposed to one another that you had to conclude the responses reflected more upon the author of the review than the book being discussed (particularly since the subject of the book is so controversial).

Having become active as an actor in the past three years, I’ve had the somewhat different experience of dealing with theater reviews. I think those can hurt more, not only because it is your person (or how you look and present yourself) that is belittled, rather than a clearly separate product of your creation, but also because you have to get up and do it again with the review somewhere in the back of your mind, rather than enjoying the relative luxury of having moved on (one hopes) to another project while the old one was getting slammed.

So far, I have not been personally singled out for abuse (KNOCK WOOD), but I’ve been swept off the table with the rest of a show, which is almost as bad. The one play in which I was the lead was praised only for the work of a supporting actor who was said to have saved the production from “total banality”; it took a few days for the sting of that one to wear off, but by then I could quote the line in my emails to friends and colleagues to come see the show (because most everybody around here hates the paper in question and its reviewers anyway).

A friend in another show was singled out by a critic for a performance that, as his character (Jaques in “As You Like It”) says at one point, “sucks eggs.” Since he is mixed race, I told him it was “just plain old racism,” and he laughed and roared, “YAH! It’s da MAN, keepin’ me DOWN!”

Your case is kind of special, James, since you know the reviewer, at least by reputation, and respect most of what he does. But for run-of-the-mill trashings, one gets past these things however one can.

Thank you!
Dear Harlan,

I am not flattered, I am honored, that you would spend the time you did to respond to my somewhat pathetic appeal for solace. Your advice will be followed. I'll look back, hopefully not in anger but like a pro golfer who needs to know if his swing was off, or his luck was bad, or the competition just lapped him.

When the self-doubt inundated any thought of learning from this, I forgot that a writer has to write what his heart and head demands. Not shit, not self-indulgent goo, the best he has, but his own words, his way. I thought I had learned that lesson from you--must have left it in my winter coat. Luckily, I never get grief for inaccuracy (that is not my sin), but the persistent questions remain: "Why did he do it that way?" "Why did he write this book instead of a different book?" I've got to see where I could have been sharper, more complete, and a good critique will help me. In a few days, I'll open the folder that houses the review, and follow your advice. And I'll get out that coat and not misplace your wisdom again.

With warmest regards,

James Levy

My favorite author (you-know-who) in my favorite mag (THE SKEPTICAL INQUIRER). . . what could be finer? Eagerly awaiting its arrival.

Unca Harlan, the fact that you're craving Red Lobster is a good indicator that you've got that thing just about beat. To your health (he said raising a glass of red).

I do not write nearly as much or as often as I used to.

But I will -- and this is a stone-cold offer -- pay good money for a one-day workshop with someone who wrote what they did to James Levy.

(Yea, yea, and all the other good stuff he's written over the years.)

Harlan. You have to watch what you wish for. Before this goes all ballistic and develops its own sense of momentum, would you be willing -- if we can raise the bucks -- to spend time in a workshop with these beasts of burden.

(And, before I am taken to task and beaten senseless with my own recently detached forearm for missing a point, I understand if we -- the great unwashed -- harken close enough to friendship/acquaintanceship that you'd rather not muddy the waters.)
________________________________________

Two days 'til 'This Moment to Be Free' drops.

Yes. Unbridled hucksterism.

(Review and Advance Purchase copies will be mailed the same day.)

(And Roger G: You rightly caught the picture shoot with the trees. First person in three years to have done so. Nice. You're going to laugh even harder when you see the new album...sshhhhhh!)

Please ignore that request. It's all become clear. - B

gab costs

KOS said:

:: Yes, I -do- know what your fees are. You told me once years ago when I
:: -almost- got the university to pay for an evening with you.


If it was years ago, then the fees might possibly have changed.

In an upward direction, one would hope.

Scottish question
***Susan*** Hey kiddo - I'm doing some back and forth with a woman from Scotland and she was rather gobsmacked to see a photo of me on the internet with a 17 year old Balvenie Double Wood Whisky in my hands (because she doesn't know me) and her e-mail header was;

"Himself Asks!"

Which I'm betting makes perfect sense if I lived over there but is lost on these mid-western ears and eyes. Help.

- Barney

Harlan Ellison and Workshops
I'd let Harlan teach at my workshop.

When I have one.

Why do you think I buy my Lotto ticket twice a week?

I would hire him, Tim Powers, Gene Wolfe and Ursula LeGuin, and give them each a week.

We'd also serve ice cream every night to keep the nightmares away.

What a dream...

If I could organize a workshop, would you actually come teach at it Harlan? I's put it somewhere close to your little hillside retreat, easy commute!

Yes, I -do- know what your fees are. You told me once years ago when I -almost- got the university to pay for an evening with you.

Poltroons they.

KOS

Harlan has complimented us on the fact that we are a pretty good group to hang around with. That we aren’t the normal group of (fill-in-with-your-own-epithet)s that haunt the web.

I agree that it is one of the good things about being here. But, you know the real reason we hang around here? You want to know a good example? Getting the opportunity to hear Harlan give James Levy the advice he did.

Where else do you get the chance to be a part of that kind of conversation?

Harlan, thanks for letting us all hang around here.

Mike

A yipyop is also

not

a

toom-toom

(pronounced like "boom").

Another Times Square appellation for a john, a skee, a mark...

Oh, fergit it. Go away.

-he

GOOD WORDS TO JAMES LEVY

Oh boy, kiddo; yeah, this is a real tailspin kind of thing. If you can read the review as objectively as possible, divesting yourself of ego and heartsick feelings, just clear your head and READ IT for content, and then...

If you can honestly--as objectively as you can in the face of such a smackdown--if you can honestly say, "Uh, yeah, he's right; maybe not to the degree he unloaded on me, but at core, yeah, he's got me," the review and the pain will have been worth it.

In fact, it may be the biggest favor anyone judging your work has visited on you. Look, James, most of the people we know will NOT tell us the unadorned truth. They don't want to have to handle the look on our face when we hear that our work was insufficient...or worse! They aren't sparing US the pain, they're sparing THEMSELVES. That's why I won't read humbly tendered unpublished work by someone, even a close friend, ESPECIALLY NOT a close friend. I am incapable of airbrushing the warts, and most people (especially my writer friends) know that, so they just don't ask. When someone says, "Oh, be candid; tell me the truth!" they are as full of self-serving shit as Bush when he tells us the economy is "having a small downturn." Writers of any stripe go into this gig with their heart in their hands, and they're used to Mommy or The Spouse ooh'ing and ahh'ing over the wonderfulness. Loving as they may be, and worthy or kisses'n'hugs though they may be, YOU CANNOT TRUST THEM. They are blinkered by affection. When I taught writers' workshops (which no one will allow me to do any more) my stint--a day, a week, whatever--was spoken of as if it were the Plagues of Israel. Mean, nasty Harlan is coming, oooo ooga booga! Because I cut them no slack. All this "Oooo, you'll damage they wee self-respect if you is kwu-ell to thems," is academic PC bullshit. Bad is bad. Wrong is wrong. If one is hired and paid a wage to tell the li'l wannabes the truth, one is a poltroon and a thief, and lower then a litterbug, if one covers one's ass by avoiding the harsh tone. I have no idea how much of that pertains to you, but at least you're smart enough, and honest enough, to say the reviewer is a respectable talent himself. That is Grown Up Time, and you should be proud of feeling bludgeoned. It means you're a righteous responsible dude...though he may be right in what he said about your work. I casnnot know that, but you can.

So what do I do, to get hard-hitting criticism, which I need as urgently as you do, or any other serious writer does? Well, the only way I could figure out to do it, was to ask a writer, a famous writer, a friend, who had asked me to read an upcoming novel he "was sending to his publisher" (a lie; he'd already sent it; so my comments were unnecessary), to read a piece I had just completed, a major piece. I had found his novel flawed from an early chapter onward. So seriously and idiotically and ineptly and amateurishly flawed that it made everything proceeding from that nexus invalid and stupid. And I told him so, to his face, over the kitchen table. He ignored what I said, of course, because he had dealt duplicitously with me by letting me believe I was looking at work he ACTUALLY wanted appraised at a high-pro level. Well, he didn't. It was already in the hands of the editot, the publisher, the copyeditor, the proofreader, and on and on...and not one of those assholes had been editor enough to spot a gap in the plot big enough to drive through three Peterbilts, side-by-side. It was published that way. Flawed, fucked, emptyheaded. And he is a GOOD writer, a VERY GOOD writer, perhaps one of the best working today. But he didn't want to know where he'd screwed the pooch: he wanted my approbation. Which I denied him.

He was the perfect person to evaluate MY major piece. I knew he wouldn't cut me any slack. And he found places in my story where I had to dig in and rewrite and make logical what wasn't. It was the best criticism I'd had in years.

I tried to hire two well-known critics a few years ago, to look at some current work, and tell me if I was on track or not. I paid them, and they tried their best, but the truth of it is that What I'm Doing is unlike most of what others are trying to do. And they were of no use to me, critically; though they tried their best and gave it a shot. But it was a lot like showing the Mayan Codex to a Cro-Magnon, asnd asking him to evaluate it. I realize this may be drifting off the point of answering your appeal, but geezus guy, sometimes you're just ahead of the curve. Nobody "gets" what you're about. I've been having that a LOT, a LOT, just a fuckin' large LOT with "Goodbye To All That," which not even the people who published it could figure out...if I was onto something singular, or if I was just out of my withered codger mind. Sometimes NOBODY can help you, and you ultimately have to trust yourself...that you knew what you were after, and you did the job properly.

That's one side. Read it cold. Let a few days pass. Forget you're going back to it. Go play piano. Hopscotch. Whatever. Then come back cold, sit down, read it objectively. If he was right, cop to it. If he wasn't...

SOMETIMES, my friend, you eat the bear, and SOMETIMES the bear eats you.

If he is, indeed, as reliable and wise as you say, well, he might've just had a bad day or eaten a bit of undercooked potato or had his head in another place.

You'll have to CRITICIZE the critic, James! YOU know what you were after; see if he "got it." If he did, look to your own patch to rectify your flaws. If he didn't, swallow it, suck it up, go back to work. Eventually, that's all there is: work...or stop working.

In the end, GREAT criticism is as rare as is GREAT writing of any kind.

I have no idea if the foregoing will make the swelling go down, but at least you know you're crying at someone who bears the same bruises.

Yr. Pal, Harlan

.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-seitzman/embrace-your-inner-elitis_b_99308.html

Embrace Your Inner Elitist. Michael Seitzman.

He is pro Elitist, anti Bush. In fact, he calls Bush just about everything except a yipyop.

(It's only 4 paragraphs, thus a quick read)

Gweny

Only way I'd miss this one is if by some strange set of circumstances, I met our estemed host between now and then.

It would take a bit of time for me to recover from the shock.

So, seeings as how that will never happen, I'll see ya at the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf at 3pm on Monday, May 5th.

Lori

JAN:

Yes, please, the Italian edition and the Polish, as well. We do have the collection of my work you mentioned, however.

You have become a godsend, kiddo. I cannot stress strongly enough how indebted we are to you and your efforts.

Oh, by the way, for anyone interested: I'll have a 1700 word- long essay about the late Arthur C. Clarke--"Arthur'N'Me"--in the next (July-August) issue of THE SKEPTICAL INQUIRER. Nice little piece, I think. You'll tell me, I'm sure.

Actually did a day's work today. Going into the twenty-first day of this damnable cough-a-thon. Sent the chair off to Lars via Fedex. Few days, he'll let me know if it was worth the whole effort. Wish I could hold down some food; I'm dying to get to Red Lobster. Sigh.

Yr. Pal, Harlan

yipyop
Yipyop. This conjures images of a small dog barking away like mad trying to cover up its inferiority complex and hoping that one of the larger ugly dogs that walks on its hind legs will notice it, either with fear and giving of respect or with kind attention. Yip! Yip! Yip! So when I read 'yipyop' I think of a person ranting away at the top of their voice, or blog, or webspace, about a subject of which they know woefully little, convinced that if anyone listens to them they will be validated in some way and thereby improve their own feeling of self-worth. They're wrong, of course, but that doesn't stop them.

That's just my ignorant opinion, I could be wrong.

On a subject I know a great deal more about: Happy 2nd Birthday, Stephen! 38 1/2" and 42 lbs., but I still get to call him shorty. for now.

Confessions of an Ellison Junkie
SUSAN -- The books arrived in the mail today, in excellent condition. Thank you very much.

Keeping that in mind...

I brought the package in from the mailbox and proceeded to the kitchen where a paring knife cum letter opener cut through the packing tape without as much fanfare as the occasion deserved yet appreciated all the same. I pulled both books out of the bubblewrap and there, next to the steaming dishwasher, the puppy nipping at my toes and my youngest son demanding an afterschool snack, I giggled this side of maniacally as I cracked the covers to consider the signatures (thank you, Harlan) and the table of contents. The smell of the paper and ink, the virgin rustle of the pages, the uncompromised spines. The pleasures I reserve for myself while clothed and in public are few...

Ian came out of his bedroom to see what all the fuss was about. I showed him the books, pointing out a few of my favorite stories ("Opposites Attract" -- a wonderful piece!), the signatures on the title pages, and the original publishing dates. Then my son, the fruit of my loins, the jellybean of the Harlequin's eye, said as he reached for ELLISON WONDERLAND, "Cool! Can I read this for school reading?"

It is too my credit that he pulled away all five fingers and not a bloody stump as I clutched the books to my chest and said, "Mine! Mine!"

Lay down my life for him? Without hesitation. Give him first dibs on fresh Ellison? Not a chance. I loves me my kids, but a mother has to know when to set limits.


shagin

Tor Double No. 2
These things are fucking amazing.

New format for the Democratic & Republican Conventions
The Party Delegates are ushered into their respective convention halls,all entrances/exits are locked and barred.Each Delegate is issued a fully loaded automatic weapon.The only sustenance available are large quantities of hard liquor and sport drinks laced with ecstacy.The hall is empty save for a sufficient amount of clean,fresh porta-potties.Delegates are allowed to leave following the choosing of a nominee.

KOS,

Items are marked as kosher if a rabbi has inspected the food processing and verified that all aspects of the production comply with laws of kashrut. No kosher label, no rabbi inspection. If you go to a kosher deli, they will usually have a rabbi on site to enforce the dietary restrictions.

A-T C, Alex Jay or Cliff might be able to provide more details if you need them

Mark

Staggering to one's feet after gettign panned

Dear Harlan,

Last week, my second book got panned--real good. First one got mixed reviews; this one a generally positive write-up, then--pow--a big name let the hammer down. And, worse, he's a good historian, one I respect. You see, I'm an academic. Most of us write the one book if we want to get tenure (which I have yet to be awarded). Only 9% of academics who publish the first book go on to write and publish a second. So I consider myself, with the attendant articles and book reviews, a real live writer. And last week my work got absolutley savaged by somebody I respect. I know I should and must dismiss the twits who review not what you have produced, but what their tiny minds imagine you've produced. But have you ever experienced a bad review from a person you hold in high regard? And how have you dealt with it? At 43 with a Ph.D. I thought it wouldn't rattle me like this--but it has. By chance, have you got a charming, uplifting anecdote you might reach into your bag of tricks and share?

Yours most sincerely,

James Levy

RE: IHNMAIMS code/dots/punch-tape message
Thanks, everyone, especially Harlan, for filling me in on the message - as was so astutely observed, I am shamefully new to the party.

In my own humble defence, I did search all the FAQs here at harlanellison.com, the Wikipedia* entry for IHNMAIMS, previous threads on The Ellison Bulletin Board and a bit of google too before I decided it was worth posting on The Ellison Bulletin Board (and then got directed here).

I thought there would be a message in them, but given I had different layouts in my two copies of the story, I suspected one of them might be wrong, which might cracking the code somewhat harder.

Publishers, eh?

I'll add the explanation to the Wikipedia* article too, where hopefully it will reduce the likelihood of it coming up again.

Sorry!

Sam.

* nb. Wikipedia - the Internet equivalent of AM.

Hey Michael, good to see you here! I know the FAQ but didn't know that was we had was covered in it.

Nancy Kress has won another Nebula. When she finally puts out a collection, that should be something.

Harlan: I'm responsible for sending Samwise here with his punchcode question since we didn't quite manage to answer this on the other side, though Duane finally did come close. But hey, you created Samwise and he's really not our responsibility. Anyways, apologies to both of you.

A question: Have you told Deep Shag and the other audio companies you deal with about your Hour 24 introduction material??? I hope you don't neglect it. It should be out there. There are samples of this on youtube, and it's GREAT STUFF. (Sorry to bring up youtube in connection with such great material.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ypb04smdLRM

Susan: RH received. Also I saw the last one when I returned home and had a great old time looking at the pictures from Orcutt Ranch!!! What a delight this little film should be! I also appreciated the childhood photo with Puddles.

RH 44 contains a minor error - the edition of McSweeney's Mammoth is the Italian one, there is no Spanish one. I'm still holding two copies of the Italian for you but they're with my friend in Italy until I go back down in autumn or so (unless you get impatient and swallow Italian postal rates - I think you have enough credit with me). I originally hoped to be in Italy right now.

While there is no Spanish editon, there is however a Polish edition:
http://www.sklep.gildia.pl/literatura/10363-neil-gaiman-stephen-king-harlan-ellison-michael-crichton-nick-hornby-elektryzujace-opowiesci
Released 24. Apr 2007 by Zysk i S-ka (correct)
(If you don't have this, I can obtain Polish titles but the dollar is a little weak, as you know.)

While I'm at it, just to be certain, do you have the best of Harlan collection they put out in Poland, called "Ptak śmierci" (Solaris, 2002 - still in print)?
http://www.wysylkowo.pl/product_info.php?products_id=54576

Punchcodes and such
To reinforce HE's note, here's a reminder that there is an FAQ floating out there, lonesomely waiting for someone to come along and stroke its electrons ...

http://www.islets.net/faq.html

including:

http://www.islets.net/faq.html#Anchor-What-23240

Zuz

Sam?
How did I type "Sam Simmons"?

No.

"Dan Simmons".

Bye.

KOS

San Simmons
"paddling up the river styx"

No.

"The River Styx Flows Upstream" - Twilight Zone Magazine, 1982. Available in Dan Simmons short fiction collection "Prayers To Broken Stones".

Someone stole the Philip K. Dick android replica head. I say look in Ridley Scott's garage. He's been rummaging about in that head for years.

Hebrew National make damn good hot dogs. I noticed that my root beer bottle is marked as not kosher. I wonder why so? I bought, on-sale for a buck, Passover grape juice. Incredibly good. It tasted like grapes, not like filtered grape water. The Jews win again. Four thousand years, and only a mook would bet against them being here in another four.

Anyone else notice the uncanny facial resemblance between the Pope and someone we all know?

No, not Frank.

KOS

Thank you, Susan and Harlan. :)
I received my books today. Linda will be *very* happy. :-)
Shucks, you guys are the best!


P.S. Lori, coffee, Monday 3:00?

To answer your questions:

Paul: let me know your membership # and I can tell if you need to renew.

Shagin and Gwyneth: your checks have been deposited. Many thanks.

John Zeock: great pen! Helps in HE's recovery.


Kind thoughts to one and all.

Susan

So, nu
So I was wrong about the text content of the computer-tapes; nu, oy. I humbly withdraw that part of my commentary and stand by the rest of it. Oy.

a dragon con update and a heads up for LA webderlanders
Well, there will be none of me haunting Dragoncon this year. Just heard from the guest committee and I didn't make the cut. I guess 2 SC ghostlore books aren't enough without a teevee series to pimp. I'm sure lacking an agent didn't help any. Ah well,there's always next year.

Harlan, feel better. Meanwhile, we need you my friend. What is Mr. Mayor smoking out in smog central?

From my Live Journal's friends list:
Many pardons if this has already been posted. Help b-slap Villaraigosa and save a librarian, won't you?

www.savelapl.org/

Los Angeles Public Library funding still faces drastic cuts when Mayor Villaraigosa’s budget goes before City Council’s Budget & Finance Committee on May 1st. As citizens of Los Angeles, you have one week in which to tell the Mayor and members of this Committee how important the Library is to you, and to urge them to reconsider some of the more serious cuts facing this essential educational institution; then we’ll have until May 19 to get the word out to the full City Council.

These are the threats facing LAPL if the budget goes through without change:

The eight regional branch libraries would be closed on Sundays, eliminating 36.5 staff positions. The branches effected are North Hollywood, Mid-Valley Regional, Arroyo Seco, West Los Angeles, Hollywood (Goldwyn Branch), Exposition Park, San Pedro and West Valley.
The book buying budget will be slashed by $2 million, to $7.7 million for all branches for the entire fiscal year (July to June). This represents a 22% cut from last year’s book budget of $9.8 million (which ran out in February), and a 33% cut from the $11.4 million book budget of two years ago. Please note that as of 2006, before these cuts, Los Angeles was already among the poorest performing North American cities with populations over one million when it came to library expenditures per citizen, spending just $2.56 per capita. See CHART. Since 2006, LA has fallen from #19 to #23 on this list of 25 cities. Compare LA to New York ($3.90), San Diego ($3.92), Broward County ($4.14), Chicago ($4.29), Hawaii ($4.92), Philadelphia ($5.13), Las Vegas ($6.73) and King County, WA ($8.84) and it’s obvious how woefully under-funded LAPL has been and continues to be.
All civilian city employees, which includes Library staff, will be subject to “short-term layoff,” which according to the Mayor, “could take the form of mandatory furlough days or reduced work weeks.” In light of this plan, an additional $1.4 million is being deducted from the library budget.

A yipyop is not a

ruben

not a

kadodie

not a

yokel

not a

chump

not a

well, not about fifty or sixty other words that used to be used in carneys, and by shopkeepers who ran souvenir shops in the Times Square area when I worked at the Broadway Book Shop in 1954. Some day I'll let you squeaks in on what a yipyop is.

-Harlan

THE PUNCHCODE TAPE INTERSTECES

For the 1100th time.

The original tapes used as time-breaks in "I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream" alternate between

I THINK, THEREFORE I AM

and

the Latin equivalent

COGITO ERGO SUM.

Because any number of idiots have had their paws in reprintings of of the story, and were ignorant--as are many of you--they decided the "tapes" were merely Ellison jesting around; and they either misplaced them them, printed them in wrong order, printed them upside-down, recut them helter skelter, or just blithely eliminated them.

I PUT THE GODDAM THINGS IN THE STORY ON PURPOSE! They were intended to form a gestalt that said--"form follows function"--the story takes place within, around, inside, atop, all-encompassingly, saturatingly, in the mind of the mad computer AM. To deviate from my format is to fuck up what the Author specifically, intentionally, purposefully, purposely intended.

This is now the 1100th time I've explicated this. God bless the Internet, progenitor of ignorance and purveyor of annoying repetition to the Perennially Late to the Party.

-he

OZ
DOH! (Make that "dangerous" and "..._interactions_ are so damn fascinating...)-DTS

Anna Pigeon, Nevada Barr and WINTER STUDY
ALL (including HARLAN):I've touted her work before, but I gotta say -- once again -- that anyone who _isn't_ reading Nevada Barr's "Anna Pigeion" mystery series is missing out on some great reads. Although one could argue (as one could with any writer) that there are some misses as well as hits amongst the 13 books in Barr's backlist, WINTER STUDY, the 14th, and latest, is surely one of the hits. Top o' the line -- and just a LOT of fun to read. In addition to creating what, for me, is one of the best protagonists in modern, mystery fiction (maybe I identify with Anna's curmudgeon-like demeanor and her love/hate relationship with humans)...in addition to the always interesting protagonist, Barr (who started out on a high plateau) has become a dynamite writer. The kind who can toss off bon mots and insightful observations, like this one from page 159: "Fear was the yeast stirred into the mix of human dysfunctions, a catalyst that could spin them out of control."
Or this: "NASA, trailer trash, Rhodes scholars: it didn't matter, love -- or what passed for love in the tabloids -- made people dangersous."

Right on, Nevada.
The latest novel is set on Isle Royal, in the dead of winter, during what is known as "Winter Study," when the interaction between the wolf population and their prey, is being studied.
Murder -- or the possibility thereof (not sure yet, haven't quite finished the book) doesn't even come into play until nearly halfway through the book, but the interaction between the small band of Winter Study folks (scientists, pilots, a Park Ranger and a Homeland Security officer sent there to decide if their activities are worthwhile) are so damn fascinating that the plot and pace are still edgy and quick.
It's almost like a mix of Charles Lederer's script for "The Thing From Another World" and an Agatha Christie novel. A "closed door" mystery set on an island.

HARLAN: Your name comes up on page 163 of WINTER STUDY. Barr is describing Anna Pigeon's fitful sleep: "Her dreams were thick and convoluted, dragging images from unrelated drawers and cobbling them together into stories Harlan Ellison couldn't unravel."

Cheers all
Time to finish the book!
-DTS

RH
Susan, the new RH hit F-L-A today. Thanks.

query
Harlan- it's dollars to doughnuts that the woman accusing you of misogyny is probably basing that on A BOY AND HIS DOG and what she thinks happened with Connie Willis. Hope you can speak to her and convince her otherwise. Stupidity is as prevalent as hydrogen and just as dangerous. Also, be careful with a medrol dosepak if they use that to treat your bronchitis..AND to anyone out there- my niece, in an attempt to drag me into this century has given me a cell phone. I wanted a DR WHO ringtone. Every website I've found that says they have one tells you at the end at this is only available in the UK. Does anyone know of any US sites where you can download that ring tone? Thank you in advance, yours, Walter Neff....

Frankie is never that far out of reach.

--------------

Jan, will you mingle, man.

--------------

Harlan coughed up Miss Manners. That wonderful man never ceases to amaze even me.

----------------

Lynn is ducking me, even though she knows I have always loved her. Secret duck kisses.

Computer Tape
Samwise,

A long, long time ago, before floppy disks or CDs, computer programming was often encoded on strips of paper with holes punched out. Once it was fed into a computer built to read such notation, the light-reading mechanisms inside were able to derive instructions from those punched holes, in much the same way that an antique player piano was able to derive songs from the holes punched into larger rolls of paper pre-programmed with the notes for, let's say, "Summertime" or "The Entertainer."

(My own computer training in high school, and in my first year of college, was entirely an exercise in learning how to create programs in the form of holes punched in cards that were then shuffled and read at high speed. It was becoming antiquated technology even then; I saw my first Apple II in my sophomore year. But that was something like a decade after "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream.")

"I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream" is not the only major science fiction story to derive some of its effect from this now antiquated technology. Philip K. Dick wrote an absolute killer of a tale called "The Electric Ant," about a guy who discovers that all of his sensory input has been preprogrammed onto such a strip, being fed from one reel to another in the back of his head. He starts cutting new holes in the strip just to see what happens and his life is invaded by acontextual elements that include, for instance, a buffalo standing in his living room. I don't recall whether Philip Dick used that PARTICULAR prop in the story, but you get the sense of it. It's a killer-diller.

As far as I know, Harlan's use of the paper programming strips as chapter breaks in "I Have No Mouth" is just an eccentric visual element, there to emphasize the horrifically dehumanizing plight of his protagonists. It is -- but for one badly-conceived and over the years increasingly offensive line I like to think I would have desperately tried to talk Harlan into cutting from the story, had my currently adult self been present as an early reader -- the only part of the story that I believe now comes off as dated. And it is dated only in a manner that enhances its impact, as the reference to antique technology provides surreal contrast with the godlike abilities of AM. Were the story to be written now, or were it to make its way to filmic form (a fate that I believe Harlan has said he does not want for it), I suppose the hell ruled by AM would now be explained away as some kind of holodeck or virtual reality setup; which would certainly make a lot more sense as HARD science fiction but would, I think, diminish the tale's nightmarish logic. The second you cut away to the tale's doomed humans, sleeping in crypts while hellish images are projected on screens in front of their eyes, you get the it's-not-real vibe, which is entirely different from the gaaah gaaah gaaaah awfulness of the-insane-computer-is-God.

But again, that's the kind of thought you get when science fiction stories are re-read, years later, in a different technological environment. Nobody would have thought virtual reality then. And nobody would have questioned the hole-punched tape then. They would have recognized the ambience.

I don't believe that the actual patterns on those strips have any real significance. Nobody has ever run those strips through a light-reader and gotten the message, "Paul is dead," or anything. Narratively, they function as scene breaks, as asterisks.

A-TC

'Twas a Dark and Gladys Knight . . . .

Steve Jarrett advised:

:: Pay no attention to the rumor claiming that Josh
:: actually wrote a segment called "Gladys Knight,"
:: which pits the Caped Crusader against a gang of
:: evil pips.



Not the five orange ones . . . ?!!!

Tale Of The Tape??
Actually, I believe the question was brought up a few years ago in the Pavilion. I seem to remember a response either from Harlan or someone close to him along these lines:

The "tape" in the original book was actual IBM punch code that, when translated, said something about the story. Not sure what it was, but it may have been a line or two of stream of consciousness from the "AM" computer. When the video game was created, the developers neglected to realize this, and just used a random stream of code.

As a matter of fact, I think the code translated to "I think, therefore I AM."

This is, obviously, incomplete, but perhaps it will jar the memory of someone who's brain synapses are firing a little more efficiently today.

RH #44 making postal circles...
Susan,

Due to our local post office's difficulty in handling my rather straightforward mail forwarding request, I have no idea if the lastest RH#44 will make it to me or not. There's been a continuing comedy of postal hijinks over the last few weeks, I think they've run the gamut of possibilities at this stage. Occasionally I get a piece of mail addressed to me but it's hit and miss at best.

Nonetheless, I haven't received as of yet, nor has it arrived at my prior address, so the smart money says it will show back up at your door. Could you please let me know if it gets returned to you as undeliverable? Apologies in advance for the inconvenience.

In the meantime I'll be sure to send along a note with the correct address in short order. (Sorry I hadn't gotten around to sending it earlier. I expected - errantly! - I could have direct, first class, non-bulk mail forwarded as per routine manner...)

Thanks,
Peg

I Have No Mouth, And I Must Scream code/dots/punch-tape message
Hi,

I don't know if this is a FAQ but I asked on the Ellison PHPBB Bulletin Board and haven't had a definitive answer yet, so I thought I'd ask here. Some versions of the I Have No Mouth, And I Must Scream short story appear to have a kind of braille-like pattern interspersed through the story.

I've compared two different copies - the one in the Second Printing of the Ace 1983 paperback and the other in The Official Strategy Guide for the computer game.

The dot layouts appear different between the two versions.

Is there meant to be a message in this pattern that can be decoded? If so, is there a reason it's different between the two versions above? Or is it just a neat printing effect with randomly spaced dots to enhance the story?

Just curious ...

Sam.

Finally put my money where my mouth is and sent in my HERC membership, and an order.
"The check is in the mail"
Get well soon Harlan.

Re Sinatra
I recall that Harlan once posted something here to the effect that he wsn't going to post the entire Frank Sinatra story here. Either it was too long, or it involved people still living, or there were personal reasons that we aren't privy to...

... but I don't think we're going to hear any more than what Gay Talese reported.

a cure for cancer
read a collection of dan simmons short stories-the introduction is by harlan with an afterword by dan .simmons first published short('paddling up the river styx' was sheparded by ellison into print),but what remains most vivid is the scene simmons recounts of harlan grabbing a pack of cigarettes out of a woman's purse and drowning them in a glass of water.the incident isn't remebered as abusive or bullying-but as a direct active manifestation of compassion from one human being to another- ego and intellect eclipsed by heart,self-righteousness conquered by mercy.given the intoxicating adulation harlans been drenched in for 50+ years,i find this incident inspiring-as our age ends...we will have left a few good things behind.

Harlan, Susan and youse guys.
Harlan~ Oh, for shit's sake, take care of that stuff. Do you know how ignominious it will look if you let effing bronchitis off you in the hills of Sherman Oaks?

Susan, thank you for the note. You're welcome. The question comes, did my check cover/ am I paid up for the next Rabbit Hole installments? Just wondering if I should be looking for #44 anytime soon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sandra~ Any chance we get to see that mysterious memo, so that we can all benefit from your sagacity?

Mark ~ Adding to the job well wishes. Give 'em heck today. The man bounces back so much, you'd think he was (insert witty 'bounce' reference here).

Cindy~ adding to the Paris-on-the-mend-wishes. Sounds like she doesn't need any at all. We should all be so lucky.

Rick ~ Adding to the huzzahs. Give 'em books, not teats. Welcome Ben.

Shane~ Harlan's words on Talese and Sinatra. I have a suspicion that I originally saw the bit in either the White Wolf books or in the 35-yr ESSENTIAL ELLISON. I now only have a 50 yr. ESSENTIAL ELLISON, and i cannot seem to find it in there. Looking at WW, but no dice so far.

Monday. Again.

HARLAN – Glad to at least know the doctors have sorted out what ails you. I’d agree that steroids might be the way to go – I’m usually against such steps, but in this case treble doses of Josh’s vaunted Oreganol aren’t even going to make a dent.
_____________________________________

GWYN: “I wouldn’t really understand cleaning a barbecue. I would just build a really hot fire and burn off all the crud, then sweep off the ashes.”

I’d agree, but it was the out-of-control grease fire that started the whole ‘clean the barbecue’ activity in the first place. And then the free form tossing of baking soda at the grill – which resulted in the barbecue resembling a very wintry “look honey, a cocaine addict’s head exploded all over the burgers” scene.

(Or hamburger beignet, if prefer your images a bit less graphic.)
______________________________________

Driving into work today I was able to see the smoke billowing off the fires in the hills above Sierra Madre (a town a few miles east of Pasadena). The whole of the XX mountains were quite clear, and the smoke rose to two separate layers. The lower of the two blew westward towards downtown LA, and the other, at roughly 2000 feet blew in the opposite direction. The sun was just rising, which, combined with the smoke layers and morning lighting, give the mountain range the abstract quality of a Jerry Schurr painting.

Sadly, from my standpoint in mid-traffic rush hour, I had neither the time nor the appropriate angle to get the picture – nor did I even try. *sigh*
______________________________________

Yipyop is what you have when a rapper gets the hiccups.
______________________________________

Last night we had a few musicians over to rehearse for this weekend’s fundraiser at Chez Barber. We have the music folk over all the time, so in and of itself this was nothing unusual. We ordered a couple of pizzas and once I was done setting the equipment up I went into an adjoining room to work on the computer while they all set about, well, rehearsing.

(The room they were in was packed with enough gear that sitting in there would have been both uncomfortable and in the way. The two rooms are connected by a large open half-wall with decorative pillars every foot or so, leaving me still very much in earshot and conversationally included, even if not very visually.)

(This is one of the true perks of my life, I must admit. Having truly world-class jazz musicians playing little private concerts in my family room is a thrill for someone as musically unskilled as I am.)

So I’m working on the computer and our cat – the family alpha pet, though he sometimes mistakes himself for simply an “alpha”, for which we both have scars to prove our differing viewpoints on that matter – comes up and lays down on the magazine to my left.

(We’ve discovered he usually makes the mistake of assuming the magazine is our focal point and lays down there, as opposed to laying upon the keyboard if he realizes THAT is really what we want to be using.)

As I mentioned, we often have musicians come around. Keyboardists, guitarists, bass players, etc. Last night, evidently, was the first time we’ve had a sax player in the mix.

So I’m working on the computer and our cat, who is at this point resting contentedly on the magazine in the blissful assurance he’s annoying me by this action, hears what are likely his first notes from a live saxophone.

I’m not sure WHAT he thought he was hearing, but it was clear from his demeanor that it has a very short expected lifespan at that point. His ears went back, his fur tufted up all along his spine, his retinas flared to full black – he literally looked as if he was ready to tear through the metal instrument and at that moment I thought he might really be able to.

Fortunately for the sax player, the rest of the band then joined in, making enough of a “joyful noise” that the cat decided discretion was the better part of valor and went off quickly (and hunkeringly) in search of another magazine upon which to lay. Ears now flat against his skull, and the tail now fluffed out to bottle-brush proportions.

On the other hand, trying to explain to the musicians that it was not their playing that got me all laugh-out-loud amused was a different story altogether…

Zoinks!

Ten pounds! Welcome to young Ben, and congratulations, Rick!

And Zoinks! again, to our esteemed host - thank you for the kind words, my friend. I wrote my segment of the Batman cartoon over a year and a half ago, and was VERY eager to see what would happen with it. I was incredibly lucky to have been assigned Shoujirou Nishimi as the director - he did me super proud. It was a real kick to be able to show it to Harlan and Susan the other day, and I was tickled that they enjoyed it so much.

And Steve, I'm impressed with your inside knowledge, re: Gladys Knight.... the idea I pitched was that we see Batman from the points of view of three different backup singers. DC just said a flat-out NO, but what do they know?

By the way, DC is premiering the entire DVD at Wizard World in Chicago on June 28. I'll be there, along with some of the other writers and folks involved. I'll do my best to steal Steve's Gladys Knight joke and work it into the Q&A, and we'll see how long it takes some humor impaired child of the internet to post it as gospel on his web page...

Josh Olson & Batman: Gotham Knight
To clarify Steve Jarrett's clarification: BATMAN: GOTHAM KNIGHT is the name of the animated, direct-to-video movie as a whole. Josh Olson's segment (the first one presented in the film, I believe) is titled "Have I Got a Story For You" and features several Gotham City youths sharing their perspectives on the Batman (similar to the "Legends of the Dark Knight" episode of THE NEW BATMAN ADVENTURES (Kids' WB!) which was itself likely inspired by a 1970s comics story). Josh's segment is the second longest of the six, clocking in at 12 minutes 48 seconds.

As a decades-long sufferer from periodic bouts of bronchitis, you have my deepest sympathy, Harlan.

Regarding Josh's segment of DARK KNIGHT, please note that the correct title is, as Harlan said, "Gotham Knight." Pay no attention to the rumor claiming that Josh actually wrote a segment called "Gladys Knight," which pits the Caped Crusader against a gang of evil pips. This is a scurrilous falsehood which should be given no credence.

Steve J.

The Delivery - featuring Harlan Ellison, Orson Scott Card, more
BEA's Convention & Education Schedule -Wilshire Grand Hotel in Los Angeles from May 27–30-8 a.m.–6 p.m. Audio Publishers Association Conference (APAC).- Thursday, May 29. Premiere of short film - The Delivery - (4:15) by Gabrielle de Cuir Introduction by Dana Gioia, Chairman, National Endowment for the Arts
The Delivery is a journey into the fantastical world of auditory imagination featuring Scott Brick, Emily Janice Card, Orson Scott Card, Harlan Ellison, John Rubinstein, Michael York, Efrem Zimbalist, Jr., Stephanie Zimbalist and more! Cocktail Reception (4:45 p.m.).
http://www.audiopub.org/Events-apac-agenda2008.asp
http://www.publishersweekly.com/article/CA6553656.html?industryid=47148

Bronchhhhi-tusch, Nu-monia, und other Jewish affliccch-tions
HARLAN: Mein, gott! At last, I can stop caressing my plate of mashed potatoes with my fork, and mumbling, "This _means_ something!" to anyone who'll listen.

Foist, mit da life-long guilt-trips (sometimes chust around da block, sometimes foithur). Then (THEN!) the realization of how much we resembled each other (you know: if the eyes are squinty, like Clint Eastwood, and both of us are walking away from the observer). And Now (NOW!) I learn that all those attacks of bronchhhh-itis (once in Basic, for two weeks; several times while raising the kid, in KC; not to mention walking pneumonia, not the lying down stuff the goyim contract) were merely the cosmic Nudhzing of Adonai, trying to tell me that yes, I was, indeed, an honorary Jew.

Next week, I go shopping for a yarmulkah (either that or a Tibetan Kyi Apso -- haven't made up my mind).
L' Chhhhaim, baby!
-Dorman

I wish I had half as many friends as Gwyn. :-(

Rick, mazel tov, my friend. I wish you, Staci and Ben nothing but all the happiness you so richly deserve. Not sure if you are working downtown this week, but I will be in Minneapolis on Wednesday, let me know if you are around and we can meet up.

Can I just say that pizza tastes even better when one has to stay away from it for 8 days...

Mark

Everything and the kitchen sink....
Rick and Staci: Congratulations to you and Welcome to the World to Baby Ben! May he be blessed every hour of the day as many times as his namesake Big Ben chimes, and then many more!

Cindy: Paris (and you) have my prayers – the Rosary Ladies are on it! ☺ With her tooling around in her hot pink cast and black-and-chrome wheelchair, Paris must be the hit of her classroom! (Although I’m not suggesting that’s the way to go for it…. :-O ).

Steve: Vacuuming the barbecue sounds like a very grueling task – poor you! ☹ Yeah, as a woman, (personally, not speaking for my gender here) I wouldn’t really understand cleaning a barbecue. I would just build a really hot fire and burn off all the crud, then sweep off the ashes.

Sandra: Dang, you mean there are exceptions? So I can’t go tandem surfing with Karl Rove and a Chihuahua in Aqualubed-up wetsuits off Stinson beach after chumming the water, while juggling chainsaws? Well, you’re just no fun. ;-) Hey, Rove was going to juggle the chainsaws, I was going to take the photos, the Chihuahua was our lookout for sharks…

Susan: Received my copy of RH #44 yesterday! Quick as bunnies!!! ☺ Have you received my check? I noticed that it hadn’t cleared yet.

Unca’ Harlan: Gosh, golly, a blushing “you’re welcome” for being allowed to curl up in this corner of the Internet with such interesting and smart folks and share the Stilton…

David: Or was that Gorgonzola?!?!? :-P

Josh: Congratulations on “Gotham Knight”! Sounds like a definite curl up on the sofa with a bowl of popcorn!

Frankie: Where are you, man?!?!

David & Lori: We have to get together for coffee – call me!!!!!

Jan: You have created…well, let’s just say that JC is now growing sideburns like Isaac’s…(love ya’ ☺ )

Colleen: Hi! Son of Rambow sounds really good in the reviews, will have to check it out!
Don’t think we’ve met on the boards, nice to make your acquaintance. Aloha! ☺

Whew!
Have a restful Sunday evening, All!
Gwynnie

Can anyone define "yipyop" for me, please? It's not in my dictionary. My online searches bring up nothing. Doing a Google Search leads only to someone who uses it as a screen name.

I know I've seen it before, and I know it is a general equivalent to 'clown', 'fool', 'jerk', or more politely 'ignorant one', but is there a real definition? It could be a different language, or it could be a bastardization of another word. And it might just be a made up word that sounds cool.

Receipt of Check -- Question for Susan
SUSAN -- I was wondering if you've received the check for my book order, the titles of said books currently having fled my addled brain? The check hasn't cleared yet. Let me know if I should cancel and resend.


Sandra

Bronchitis
Harlan:
I had that nasty kick-ass bronchitis a few months ago; just inhalers and antibiotics alone didn't help me. The doc had to eventually put me on steroids to clean out my lungs. So you might want to ask about that. Boy it wasn't fun.

Douglas Adams, Infocom, and The Rest
Hi Everyone - A quick reminder for fans of Douglas Adams that Towel Day is but a month away on May 25th. Think of it as: Bring Your Towel to Work Day.

There was an interesting article posted this past week about the never-finished sequel to the 1985 Infocom PC text game of "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy". The comments are as intriguing as the article; there's a raft of responses from the folks who wrote for and worked at Infocom at the time. (There's some troll-talk too, but nothing excessive).

http://waxy.org/2008/04/milliways_infocoms_unreleased_sequel_to_hitchhikers_guide_to_the_galax/

One of the comments was: "Man, it's too bad Infocom never worked with Harlan Ellison". (And no trolls jumped up and down at this I was pleased to see).

We're all familiar here with Harlan's work on the very nicely done "I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream" PC game, but I was curious if Harlan might've been approached at any time to work on an IF (Interactive Fiction) game?


-LOOK

You're in a small room with a table upon which is a plate with two black creme-filled cookies. There is a sweetish conquistador-reckoning odor of ebony chocolate.

-EAT COOKIES

What?! Whoa. Wait. You're going to eat the cookies without checking first for the recessed script reading "Hydrox" and it's wonderful outlying pattern of intertwined flowers? No? You're going to risk accidentally ingesting Elmer's glue-paste and the 'chocolatey' miasma' emanating from Oreo carcasses? Did I get that right?

-EAT COOKIES ANYWAY

You know what, yipyop? If you're not even going to take an interest in the word-picture we're trying to paint here then you can just DIE. You like that, fella? Huh? You're DEAD.

Press -ENTER- or -RETURN- to see your tapeworm-ridden-I-tried-to-warn-you score.
And don't think you can restart the game, either. I'll know it's you.


Hehe. Damn; what a game Harlan would've spun! All the best to you Webderlanders this weekend and a hope to an end to the phlegm for Harlan. (We all hope you're better for the upcoming B-Day).

Oy
Today has been a series of noogies from fate. Never-ending. Oy. Oy. Oy. Oy. Oy. Nothing catastrophic, just one kick in the nuts after another. Oy. Oy. Oy. Oy. Oy.

To paraphrase The Joker in the first Tim Burton BATMAN movie:

"I have a name for my pain; and that name is

"Bronchitis!"

Yes, friends, my doctor finally gave this now-17-day malaise a monicker. Bronchitis. Which is, as Lenny Bruce pointed out, "A poor Jew's disease."
----------------------------------------------------------------

Speaking of Batman, Josh slouched on by yesterday to show us his Batman animated segment from the forthcoming DARK KNIGHT DVD. There are six episodes, and the other five are unseen by me, but I want to state right here and now, Josh's seg, "Gotham Knight," is a wowser! I can recommend it wholeheartedly. Run don't walk, when it's soon released. From Warner Bros, as you know...one of my most favoritest studios.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Yr. Pal, Harlan

RE: SAMWISE FOLLOW UP
Hi, Susan.

Just to let you know the package you sent arrived this week, and I'm eagerly going through the contents. I've got the game running on my phone and am about to get started with the first short story.

Many thanks,

Sam.

Rick and new arrival.
Mazel tov from me as well. Just make damn sure that mohel knows what the hell he's doing.

Rick Keeney: Just wanted to add my Congratulations and Mazel Tov's on the birth of Baby Ben!

Chuck

Gay Talesee: Sinatra, his cold, and Ellison in cowboy boots
Talese's advice for writers: Skip the phone, keep the suits
by George Ducker
. . .Much time was spent recounting the origins of Talese’s famous article for "Frank Sinatra Has a Cold." The result of four weeks spent in the Beverly Wilshire Hotel, far away from his native East Coast, Talese interviewed members of the Tommy Dorsey Band, Sinatra stand-in Johnny Delgado, Sinatra’s toupee carrier, even a mid-20s Harlan Ellison in cowboy boots; nearly everyone except Sinatra. . . .
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/jacketcopy/2008/04/at-his-mid-day.html

Forty-two years later and the event is still on Talese's short list of commentary.

Would anyone be so kind as to point me to Harlan's version?

Aw, shucks...
Unca Harlan:

We like coming here, and we're all very glad you've invited us over.

Yay us!

And a hearty welcome to bouncing baby Ben!

"unto me and my Staci a child is born!!

Ben Keeney; no Benjamin, no Bernard, no Ebe-fucken-neezer"

Hello, baby Ben! Congratulations, Mom and Dad! It only gets better from here.

Sort of...

It's still worth it.


Sandra

TWO THUMBS UP FOR BABY BEN! Congratulations on the Benderlander.
_______________________________

SUSAN - Tom Morgan and I share the same mail delivery date. Did you perhaps mail these from Lost Island???
_______________________________

TOM MORGAN - You might have noted I used the words "with rare exception". And you also noted that Barlow's works are themselves copyrighted. I'd be interested to hear his position on his own work getting free distribution.
_______________________________

I spent a good two hours cleaning out the massive barbecue in our back yard -- two weeks ago we had a grease fire that was something to behold, so it seemed a good time to buff it out a little.

The maintenance of a backyard barbecue is an area where guys and gals just don't see eye to eye. A good portion of the two hours was accompanied by an effort to convince my beloved esposa that I was NOT seeking to restore the original silver luster to the grill, but simply cleaning it to an acceptable "barbecue"cleanliness. And that once we fired it up again that wonderful silvery glow would again be, well, barbecued.

*sigh*

I'll be finishing the vacuuming once the sun sinks behind the trees and it's a little cooler.

(Yes. Vacuuming. The barbecue.)
___________________________________

PEGGY, ALEX JAY, JOHN GREENAWALT -- I noted today that a new Throwdown With Bobby Flay was against none other than Tony Luke, the menu of course featuring Philly Cheesesteaks.

Tony won.
___________________________________

Yeah. I'm killing time. But there's a vacuum out back with my name on its schedule...

Congrats again to lil Ben Keeney. And Mommy and Daddy of course.




(I'm going, I'm going!!!)

RICK KEENEY,

Congratulations to you and Staci, and a hearty welcome to young Ben.

Steve J.

Re: newest duderlander
A blessing upon you and your house, my son. Mazel tov.

newest duderlander
Ellison and everlittleone,

unto me and my Staci a child is born!!

Ben Keeney; no Benjamin, no Bernard, no Ebe-fucken-neezer

ten pounds--no shit, just ask mama

21.5 inches

a living breathing farting chip off the old hillock.

baby makes 6

good to be here,
Rick

p.s. hello to the ewan's, long time no hear Robb

RH44
Susan,
I must agree with your hubby that the US mail is an efficient service that does not deserve the derogatory label “snail mail”. You informed us this morning that RH44 had just been sent out and I received mine yesterday afternoon. It was only slightly singed from exceeding the speed of light and going through the wormhole. Now that’s service.

Harlan,
I also send many thanks for your latest description of the internet. Another instant classic from the master.

Steve Barber,
"JohnE - Have you ever noticed that -- with rare exception -- the people most devoutly devoted to the Electronic Frontier Foundation's precepts don't produce much of anything artisticly copywritable themselves?"
Well...actually...the EFF was founded in 1990 by Mitchell Kapor and John Perry Barlow. The EFF website lists Barlow as Co-Founder and Vice Chairman of the Board, so I think he can be counted as being devoted to the group’s precepts. Barlow is an interesting character, a Wyoming cattle rancher who also wrote songs for the Grateful Dead. The two main songwriters for the Dead were Robert Hunter, who wrote the songs to which Jerry Garcia would put music, and in later years Barlow, who wrote songs to which Bob Weir or Brent Mydland would put music. Barlow wrote over 30 songs for the Dead and offshoot solo projects, and they are copyrighted.
Years ago I stumbled across a debate on PBS between Barlow and William Buckley. The subject was content restrictions on the internet. I remember being surprised to find that Buckley was arguing for the regulation. Barlow was representing the EFF and of course arguing against the regulation.
This is not to imply that I blindly support the EFF. I repeatedly see them coming out in defense of people downloading and distributing copyrighted content and it drives me crazy. The same with computer shows I listen to on NPR. Always sticking up for the hackers. How can these guys expect to be taken seriously while they openly endorse blatant thievery? It boggles the mind.
Anyway, rant mode off. I just wanted to point out that the EFF does have a successfully published writer in its core. And that, while it often concerns writing, the word is copyRIGHT, as in the right to copy.
A good day to all here. Looks like a warm weekend for the locals.

Made Me Smile

HARLAN: This week has been an emotional meat grinder, but your recent description of the internet: "the World's Largest & Ugliest Loogie Swamp," made me laff hawd.

Thanks for that.

MM

Harlan,
Traditional courtesies do not apply to old friends. You know you have have never had any flaws that I am
or ever could be aware of. Your words portend the snap is returning to your sails-- I intuit that you are
feeling better? Hello to your sweet and beautiful Susan.

Your friend,
Cindy


Shagin,
:)
I like you and I like the way you think.
The thump is well received.
:)
Your pal,
Cindy


Gwyneth,
You're an angel of kindness. Yes, please and thank you for the prayers.
My foot's nothin'. You're sweet for asking.
:)
Cindy


Chuck,
You're a dear, as always.
Your grandmother sounds like a tough cookie; a broken hip and back to back surgeries and she's still
the alpha dame. I'd like to meet her. Paris has a lot in common with your Gramma. She had surgery on Wednesday
and Friday morning she insisted on going to school. She has a hot pink cast and a black and chrome wheel chair.
She came home all smiles. No complaints of pain at all.

Here's to resilience!
Your friend,
Cindy

Aloha fellow Webderlanders:
I just saw a wonderful movie "Son of Rambow" and highly recommend it. The other recommendation is "Tigerheart", a book written by Harlan's friend Peter David-am reading an ARC of the book(June '08 release date) and it is a marvelous, witty tale.

Cheers, Colleen

David...I will never share an elevator with you, man!

F.Y.I. Rabbit Hole #44 has just been mailed, with HERC "WATCHING" discount.

All best--Susan

I . . . just wanna cerebrate


Awright . . . who cut the cheese?

HARLAN -- Thanks. A standing ovulation...well, um, how sweet...


***


GWYNETH -- Sure thing. Take a look at my initial post to Cindy for instructions on signing the original and displaying the copy. Keep in mind, though, that management cannot be held responsible for any unscheduled drama that may occur. Likewise, receipt of notification of the memo of no unscheduled drama does not absolve the recipient of the personal responsibility in the area of recognizing the potential for certain unscheduled dramatic instances to occur, namely those instances which involve any, but not necessarily all, of the following: sharks, juggling, chainsaws, raw meat, Republicans, bungee jumping, lubricant, and small yippy dogs.

A COUPLE OF IDLE THOUGHTS

The first is to my longtime chum Cindy. I am a bit shamefaced that I didn't express some concern for Paris's plight before this. I have "otherwise attentive elsewhere" explanations, but no valid excuse. You know my affection for you extends to the family, so I hope you'll forgive my dilatory behavior in getting the traditional (useless) gee, get better soon, sweetie codswallop out there. I am growing lax in some of the traditional courtesies, and I am working to rectify said flaw.

Which brings me to idle thought deux, which is: give yourselves a hand. All of you. We, here at Webderland, under the graven image of Shazam Wyatt the Keeper of the Rock of Eternity, could not (I think) be a more disparate group, with beliefs and attitudes and backgrounds and ethnicities and sexual leanings and racial heritages, if we toiled at the task. And yet, from what I've been exposed to internetwise -- which is, admittedly --by choice and dint of hard work -- far less than apparently the rest of you suffer with on a daily basis -- this is a Nifty and Funny place to get together. We have almost no (as Neil Gaiman phrases it in Brit) "barking mad" letters here; for the most part civility reigns; and when it doesn't, the ruckus is generally so fucking hilarious that NO one could possibly be affronted by it. So, as I stumble back from the abyss of the World's Largest & Ugliest Loogie Swamp, I just thought I'd pop in, grin at you, and advise y'all to give yerselefs a standing ovation. Or a cheese-cutting. Whichever seems appropriate.

Yr. Pal, Harlan

LYNN, CAVALAXIS, DEAR HEART:

Neil called a little earlier this evening, and read me his reply to Ms. Emily Neal. (Sigh.) I do get weary of total strangers drawing errroneous conclusions from gossip or bollixed data, but I suppose there is little one can do about such things.

In this case, howsomever...

If I can borrow your stout right hand: would you go over to Neil's blog, and advise Ms. Neal that I am here and happily available to dispel her concerns about my alleged misogny, if she will merely provide me with (brief) precis of two or more instances of same which she KNOWS TO BE FACT from first-hand encounter with me, or via a mutually-reliable third person.

You might suggest to her that instead of rewaxing the same old chestnuts, that she actually confront me with any/all ACTUAL -- not 8th-hand garbled rumor -- instances of this virulent hatred for women she credits to me.

Here we go, yet again. Connie Willis's famous bust once more becomes the non-event Ms. Willis's years-long silence has condoned. Ms. Neal might even play the easily-accessed video of the non-event seen by thousands of others who have been forced (grudgingly) to agree that no, in fact, that vile misogynist Ellison did not fondle Ms. Willis's portico.

If you find it possible to extend Ms. Neal the invite, I'm sure she'll be rewarded by the minute or two of unwarrented attention her accusations have bought her.

As for Neil ... well, yeah, he's a mensch. But so are you, kiddo. And Susan'n'I both miss you and He Whose Name Shall Be Yclept.

Yr. Pal, Harlan

Susan,

Just got the check back that I filled out incorrectly. My apologies and the new check is in the mail. (No, honest, it is.)

And Hillary - that was funny.

Mike

REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP
GOOD DAY.

I GOT YOUR CONTACT FROM A CONFIDENTIAL SOURCE THAT INFORMED ME YOU HAVE THE CAPABILITY OF TRANSACTING A BUSINESS OF THIS GREAT MAGNITUDE.

I wish to introduce myself to you. I am SENATOR HILLARY CLINTON, wife to former deposed president BILL CLINTON of the United States, who has been overthrown by tyrant GEORGE BUSH on 21 January 2001 who has ruled America with an iron fist.

Shortly before the present government consolidated power and banished my husband from his rightful Throne, the leaders of my political party entrusted to me the care of the legacy of Democracy and with the sacred charge of inheriting the leadership of the country so that we may once again bring peace to the land.

Violent rebels funded by the current government, and led by notorious BARACK OBAMA are conspiring to maintain the grip of the current government on power for many years to come.

I WRITE URGENTLY WITH A BUSINESS PROPOSITION.

For many years we have faithfully guarded the federal treasury which has annual receipts in the amount of US$2500000000000 but cannot access those funds until we are returned to presidential palace. I need your assistance in regaining access to these accounts and in defeating the rebels who are tools of the current government. We ask for an investment of US$2600 for which we will be most grateful and will repay your debt through increased government services and military glory against many Middle Eastern country.

YOUR INVESTMENT IS VITAL TO OUR SUCCESS. Many of our secret allies are plan to stage victory but are afraid of the rebel forces who have many spies in US cities and universities. But if enough people invest against the rebel forces OUR SECRET ALLIES WILL DECLARE US TO WIN.

PLEASE INDICATE YOUR WILLINGNESS TO ASSIST ME BY SENDING TO ME THE FOLLOWING AS THE BENEFICIARY INFORMATION; BENEFICIARY'S NAME, ADDRESS AND YOUR PRIVATE PHONE AND FAX NUMBERS SO THAT I CAN CONTACT YOU AND COMMENCE THE TRANSACTION IN EARNEST. I AM WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU VERY SOON.

BEST REGARDS.

SEN. HILLARY CLINTON

Random thoughts and congratulations!
Congratulations Lars on winning the chair! :-) I knew from the bidding between you and David that it would be too rich for my blood, but hey, I'll go for that Mylar body condom any day ;-), just to sit in the Grandmaster's chair.

Cindy, wow, your daughter sounds like a real little trooper! :-) If it's OK with you, I'd like to offer prayers and supplications to my tuletary deity for you and for her. Let me know. (No burnt offerings will be involved ;-) ). Y'all take real good care now, and keep us posted on how you and she are doing. How is your foot?

Sandra -- I really love your "No Unscheduled Drama" memo idea. Could you put me on the circulation list for next week? I have an appointment on Wednesday that I need to get through with NO DRAMA!

Hi Lynn! I don't think we've met on the boards...

Thank you for posting the link to the Neil Gaiman (sp?) piece about Harlan. What a wonderful answer to a misleading question! Go Neil!!

Have a wonderful weekend all, especially those who have been through the wringer with ailments and worries and cares.

The Chair
Oh, frab-jous day indeed.

I am absolutely thrilled to have won this HE-bay auction.

Harlan, glad you are feeling better. I anxiously await receipt of the chair which has for twenty years cradled the ass of the muthafuggin' Grandmaster.

David Silver: A pleasure competing with you. You and any other Webderlanders are welcome to come by once a year and sit in the chair, provided that you wear at least two layers of acid-free clothing and a Mylar body condom.

Steve Barber: "JohnE - Have you ever noticed that -- with rare exception -- the people most devoutly devoted to the Electronic Frontier Foundation's precepts don't produce much of anything artisticly copywritable themselves?"

Yep -- and, conversely, I think you rarely (if ever) hear of any creator of worth giving away his or her work without compensation in the name of intellectual freedom. Interesting how that works.

Having scanned the EFF's website briefly, I think there is something to be said for some of their crusades, but by and large I think much of the rhetoric surrounding these kind of movements is self-serving baloney. On the internet especially you see people taking oh-so-noble stands in the name of intellectual freedom and economic justice, such as the pious ranters who insist that their theft of music is merely a protest against the high price of CDs. Again, they love to dictate terms -- "lower your prices and I'll stop stealing!", "by freely using your characters and ideas I'm actually giving you good publicity!" -- but in the end it comes down to one simple motive: I WANT STUFF AND I DON'T WANNA PAY FOR IT. It's actually refreshing every now and then to encounter people who admit to being thieves and are proud of it. At least they're being honest.

Oh, gripe gripe rant rant. Don't mind me, it's been a disappointing and crummy week. Hope everyone has a nice Friday and a good weekend, take good care of yerselves.

Expelled Rebuttal
Andrew: Your rebuttal is duly noted. Paul likes to paint things in rather broad, hyperbolic strokes, and was merely stating his opinion. I didn't like Firefly either, but if I did, I wouldn't want it lumped in with Left Behind. I was simply trying to illustrate a point on perspective that I thought we should all keep in mind.

Best,

James

Mark Goldberg, congrats on the new job!! I know what that relief feels like, all too well.

Harlan, I hope you continue on the mend. May you use the proceeds from the chair sale in good health.

Cindy, I hope your daughter heals and is up and about again lickety-split. My grandmother -- in her 90's -- had to go back in for surgery to remove a roving pin from the hip broken in a recent car crash. She's back home. Even been to the Senior Center, where she's Grand Dame. If my Gramma can do that, Paris ought to do even better!

Chuck

The last Neil Gaiman piece listed was written in May 15, 2003, as an introduction to the biography of Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker.

Gaiman has also put a nice piece on the his website called "Remembering Douglas" (Adams, obviously). http://journal.neilgaiman.com/2008/04/remembering-douglas-1.html

Here's hoping Harlan's piece on Clarke came more easily than the one on Sturgeon.

Congrats to Lars!

...Y'know what?

Phil Donahue is a terrific guy. I was just listening to him on Tavis Smiley (another evolving icon).

I'm urging people to check out Donahue's new film 'Body of War'; perhaps slowly the public conscience for letting the country descend as it has (placing itself on the leash of corporate media) will catch up with itself.

And perhaps then this vacuous line we've used for the last few years, "support our troops", will amount to more than mere lip service. I think this is an important piece of journalism - the kind that's nearly become extinct in the U.S.

Cindy wrote: "At first glance your "No Unscheduled Drama" remark stung--given the circumstances. Sometimes life is drama. I felt like I was under a boulder when I wrote that."

Slap in the face hell! I try to live by that memo and the unscheduled drama keeps happening. Other people swear they're sending the memos back to the home office, but none of them are ever registered.

Unscheduled dramas are those things you'd rather not face, the unpleasant realities that are a part of life that pander to the dread phrase "build character". I've been roleplaying for thirty-plus years. I don't need any more character, thanks.

You weren't overreacting, you were having a lousy time of it. My own "No Unscheduled Drama" memo is the backing for my big picture, you know, the one with the adjustable frame so I can expand it as large as I need to to find something positive?

You can consider yourself lovingly thumped for having thought I was making fun of your unscheduled drama. Other than that, I'll meet you in the crab grass and we can grumph together.


***


Mark -- Glad to hear it! Let the good job karma flow!


shagin

LYNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:)
I've missed you!

Sandra,
At first glance your "No Unscheduled Drama" remark stung--given the circumstances. Sometimes life is drama. I felt like I was under a boulder when I wrote that.

"It's all good" is a catch phrase repeated over and over by a sharp kid at Methodist Children's Hospital. He worked the registration desk and everything seemed to be going to hell around him. A waterline upstairs had burst and the surgical suite and recovery unit had been flooded. Anyway this kid ( I say he was a kid he was 28) had an instant grin and a twinkle in his eye. "It's all good." Watching him I got it.

"It's all good." I like that. I'll try to stick to it from now on.

Thanks for the slap in the face-- I needed it.
:)
Cindy


Frankie Angel,
Thanks for the sweet words.
:)

Cindy

Gwyneth,
Mine wasn't so bad. Looking at Paris now you'd think hers had been and continues to be a cake walk.

It's all good.
:)
Thanks for thought.
Cindy

Neil Gaiman answers a question about Harlan
Because Neil, like Harlan, is a mensch.

http://journal.neilgaiman.com/2008/04/few-final-copyright-thoughts-before-we.html

Susan & Harlan
Susan:
The books have arrived, days ago in fact. Thank you.

Harlan:
May your health return to you soon and in full.
I hear TUMS are good for Lovecraftian indigestion.
Avoid Rolaids though, unless you look forward to having tentacles sprout from places which may require the purchase of new trousers.

Hello, all. Harlan, I am sorry you have been ill. I am heartbroken that you are not going to any more conventions or out of town lectures. I so wanted to meet you at one. If fact, I had called my old professor at my alma mater last week to inquire if they still had authors speak or did the film festival they used to do. He referred me to the chairpeople of two different departments, Art and English, and I have just been sloooooooooow contacting them. My greatest sins include procratination of an extreme variety. But I care more for your and Mrs. E's health and happiness, and I'll just have to overcome my fear of flying and get to your L.A.. next event. Saundra, I've been praying for you and your mom. Cindy, stay well and hope Paris feels better sooner than soon. My family and friends took colored markers to my cast when I broke my leg. At least, it's prettier. Also, they will tell her not to scratch, but I found that impossible, so I obtained smooth things that won't cause skin abrasins, like long plastic spoons, etc. Other than that, I've just been reading and reflecting and hanging out with family and friends. I read several histories of South Africa and a couple of Alan Paton's novels, which I liked. But what the apartheid government did there in the 40s sounds an awful lot like what Bush is doing here. Scary. I didn't even know that Ben Stein made a movie. I am seriously out of touch with the 21st cen. And not really unhappy about that. Dear Mr. Chuch, you depressed the heck out of me in one of your last posts. For some odd reason, I just always assumed thou wert somewhat older than I am. Probably because of your knowledge and firm opnions, confident writing style, etc. Now I find that you are actually younger. I want to be 22 again. And weigh 129. I'm going to hold my breath until this happens. I do not like this aging business, not an iota. Frank, could you please start lying and say you're 52 or so? Harlan, just so you can say your Weblanders do sometimes disagree with you and are not just sycophantic butt kissers,(which none of us ever were or will be), I disagree with your observation that some people are better than others, in the elitist discussion. Some are faster, others play basketball better, sing better, in your case, write better(infinitely so). But to say just "better" leads often I think to the assumption that some of us are of more inherent "worth" than others. Even though you stated we are all equal under the law, too often governments and oppressors have used the better argument to judge and opress. The old South African government is a case in point. Reading about that has really gotten under my skin. Clinton or Obama, whoever gets it, is my candidate in November. Did you guys hear that we renewed Blackwater's contract last week? Crazy government we have. Was it you, Barney, that repeated Obama's comment that he would not enslave the white race? I'm crushed. I was so hoping to be his white love slave. Oh, well, I must leave you all to polish my walker, shine my dentures, and think of new career options in view of Barack's decision

MY WRITING CHAIR


LARS KLORES:

Whew. Never expected this. But, well, d'uh ... oKAY! You got yourself a chair. We should talk, to verify this'n'that. I suggest you send your verifiables through the Grand Webmaster here, Mr. Wyatt, who will get same to me. Include your phone number(s) and I will add--by way of provenance--a signed and dated Proof of Authenticity in its own Lucite block holder, to accompany the chair. I can also sign the chair, if such a strange thing is a positive extra by your lights.

I wait to hear from you.

As for David Silver and all others of you who (actually) brought a touch of mist to my eyes in the lee of your good offices, well, I guess...thankyou.

Yr. Pal, and on the mend, Harlan

...GONE...as far as I'm concerned!


Lars,

I take my hat off to you, sir! You didn't mess about, you beat me to $1000, my own intended high mark all along, and I humbly submit at this point. Well done.

Best wishes,

David

Grate Authors


:: I understand 15-year-old Miley Cyrus is writing her memoirs.


You left off the best part: She reportedly received a seven-figure advance on the projected magnum o'pus.

Chair Bid #2
$1,000

Mark, Congratulationssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss and a tip of the hat to you!!

Great news...

sign of the end times
...so I decide to send Mary Lou some Thorne Smith and check out on the computer. Said device decides I'm looking up Courtney Thorne-Smith. Sigh...Then I put in Thorne Smith- novel. Seems Ms. Thorne-Smith HAS a novel in her portfolio of artistic acheivement. Sigh...yet again ...

Biofuels-An Agricultural Crime Against Humanity
I usually don't believe gloom and doom predictions, but this one seems very credible especially now that there are food riots and shortages around the world.

http://www.celsias.com/2007/11/07/an-agricultural-crime-against-humanity/

Mr. Barber, are you really trying to link Mr. Nelson as a primary cause for your therapy sessions? Come, sir, we both know that Verizon has a far larger role than the good Erik.

I wanted to share some good news, I FINALLY GOT A JOB! So I will, thankfully, not have to sell one of my children into white slavery to pay my rent, which is nice. I start this new assignment May 5th, so I will be able to just relax and enjoy the lakes next week.

I cannot tell you how good it feels to be employed. Being a single dad with no job is a scary place to be

Mark

And whatever happened, O Master,
To that cast of dentition in plaster
That you found in a drawer?
Not required any more?
Did it meet with some kind of disaster?

Odds n Ends

*Sigh*. My $115 budget for Harlan's chair seems woefully inadequate. Adam-Troy sealed the underwear bid. I have most of the books I want.

Harlan, any chance you'll be auctioning off a used ream of typing paper anytime soon???
__________________________________________

ROGER - Thank you yet again. I will pass on your compliments. The new CD is in production and will officially drop on May 1.
__________________________________________

I understand 15-year-old Miley Cyrus is writing her memoirs.
__________________________________________

JohnE - Have you ever noticed that -- with rare exception -- the people most devoutly devoted to the Electronic Frontier Foundation's precepts don't produce much of anything artisticly copywritable themselves?
__________________________________________

ERIK NELSON, you out there? I want to thank you for a lack of sleep last night. I caught the Megadisasters program on History Channel last night. As if I wasn't already bothered enough by the LA Megaquake, the West Coast Megatsunami, and Yellowstone, you want to add another supervolcano -- Anak Krakatau -- I hadn't realized was there. Nice animation. Very realistic.

Muchas gracias. My therapy bill is headed your way.
__________________________________________

Lastly, our beloved Prez is at it again.

"WASHINGTON - President Bush sought Thursday to boost the flagging Mideast peace process by voicing fresh optimism about the creation of a Palestinian state. He said he remained confident that the definition of a state for the Palestinian people would be reached before he leaves office in January."

May I assume that his first action once such a state was formalized is to accuse the Hamas government of sponsoring state terrorism -- "Al Quaida!" "September the 11th!" "Boogedy boogedy booo!!!" -- and therefore invade them???

Just askin'.

Anyone bidding on the chair and planning on using it, may wish to find out if Harlan did any of his infamous "naked writing" on this chair.

Not that he has any diseases or anything....but because it may up your bid if you have any type of, well, fetishes that may be enhanced by owning the chair where Harlan plopped his naked butt.

Just saying....

-TODD

Authors and Their Notions
Perusing the most recent Entertainment Weekly, I found a piece concerning J.K. Rowling's court battle to prevent some internet nerds from publishing a Harry Potter encyclopedia. Tucked within EW's sniffily dismissive article is this lovely quote from one Corynne McSherry, an attorney with the Electronic Frontier Foundation: "Authors have this notion that, 'I wrote this and therefore I can control all uses of it'. That's not really how it works. Anyone who's a huge Harry Potter fan is going to buy (Rowling's own encyclopedia) too, and she's going to add value that no one else could."

It's hard to decide what's more disgusting about this -- the "authors should lay back and enjoy it" tone or the arrogant assumption of the right to dictate terms concerning a creator's product. Pretty goddamn shitty all round.

AND Best "McCain is so old" Joke (to date).....

"McCain is so old, he used to own Sidney Poitier"
-Chris Rock

15 Things Kurt Vonnegut Said Better Than Anyone Else Ever Has
http://www.avclub.com/content/feature/15_things_kurt_vonnegut_said/1

Hi Steve. I've listened to Cris' first album released a couple of times, and have enjoyed it greatly. Cris has an incredible voice and her presentation of the songs is first rate. Looking forward to listening to the next two discs.

Can't Afford the Chair, But...
...am eagerly awaiting the underwear auction.

10,000 quatloos for the chair!

For the chair, I bid 3000 Romanian lues. Do you have any old toothbrushes you aren't using anymore? As long as they can be signed with a sharpie, I'm interested.

...going once...going twice...




$550

Today was a big picture day. The kids are healthy, we have to vehicles (even if we can't afford to put gas in them), we have a roof over our head and food to eat, and I have the right and privilege to vote. For some big picture days, what matters most is how far your stretch the frame.

***

And to those bidding on the chair, I hope the winner treats it well and with respect. Don't mind the hints of green in my eyes as I say that.


shagin

Chair Bid
$500, American.

The Chair auction
$375 in plain old money. I have nothing else to barter with.

Thanks.

Damn!

...and the bid is with the funny looking guy in the back row...



$350, and another art deco camera to be determined later.

"For a hundred years or more the world, our world, has been dying. And not one man, in these last hundred years or so, has been crazy enough to put a bomb up the asshole of creation and set it off. The world is rotting away, dying piecemeal. But it needs the coup de grace, it needs to be blown to smithereens."

Henry Miller

The Chair auction
$300.

Thank you.

the chair
$125, plus shipping. and 3 quatloos. I'd like you to sign it as well, in silver ink on the back if possible, and if she is so inclined Susan as well. Surely she must have graced it once or twice in the last coupla decades.

a request: can we get an estimate on size and weight to better estimate the cost of shipping? it would be appreciated.

The chair before "The Chair"


Hey Harlan,

I'm game. I'll start the "bidding" here, and make an initial offer of $100 plus whatever it costs to ship the chair up here. I understand there's no obligation on your part if you feel the bidding is insufficient, but I'll get the ball rolling...

All the best,

David

AN ESSENTIAL ELLISON WONDERLAND ITEM FOR SALE

FIRST OFFER!

Item: Harlan's writing chair, from his office.

Why for Sale: a) We need money; b) I got a new chair; c) It is still a lovely, serviceable piece of furniture with much more golden time in it; d) I was was born during the Depression and have a very hard time buying-into "planned obsolescence," and thus cannot bring myself to putting this dear old friend out at the curb.

Background: This was a high-end purchase, oh, maybe twenty years ago. Top of the line office roll-about chair with velour seat and backrest in chocolate. Worn but in no ways shoddy or grimy. You may take as my provenance for this item that virtually EVERYTHING I've written in the last twenty-plus years(including "Paladin of the Lost Hour," "Mefisto in Onyx," and everything in between up to the "Abiding with Sturgeon" essay you've seen in DREAMS WITH SHARP TEETH) was typewritten on an Olympia while I was seated in this chair. The chair is as seen in the documentary.

When I was talking to Steve Leveen, owner/founder of Levenger's, and told him I was thinking of getting a new chair, reluctantly, at long last, the next thing I knew he'd sent me a gift of a new rig. I'll be writing my first new piece, an essay about me'n'Arthur C. Clarke, in that chair today. So I rolled my old sitting-friend downstairs, and I decided to sell it.

I'm offering it here to either anyone of you in the LA area to whom my assistant can drop it off sans fuss'n'muss ... or to anyone who wants to shoulder the annoyance of having it shipped, at your expense, though we will happily drive it down to the express service of your choice, that crates and ships such items.

As to price. Well, this is the first offer (and no, this isn't "The Chair" of which I've spoken before; that chair is still in the living room, and we'll get to it soon enough; but I'd sorta kinda like to see how it goes with this pre-Chair chair run at this situation). If that parses. So I guess I'm suggesting any of you interested can start bidding, and if the price seems right, I won't go out on e.bay or through HERC and see if I can do better with a larger pool of potential bidders.

Guarantees. You'll like it a lot, be satisfied, or I'll refund your purchase price and split the shipping costs with you. It may or may not have potential resale value to those of you who know your way around e.bay auctions, but at minimum I can guarantee that merely sitting in this chair as you write, will raise your talent level to that of, oh, Anna Kavan or Lionel Trilling or William Styron. Levels above that I cannot vouch for. If this chair could turn me into the Cultural Icon we have all come to admire and emulate, then who's to say what mystical wonders it will do as it envelops YOUR fat ass.

Let the chaos begin!

Yr. Pal, Harlan

flu
Harlan-besides any rx medication for the MDF, there are some old time rx's for nausea. First, ginger ale allowed to go flat, poured over chipped ice and sipped slowly. Second, coke syrup done likewise. Third, an over the counter product called emetrol. Get well soon.

Harlan

DWST at SXSW:
I mailed several SXSW clippings last week-ish; they're a large manilla envelope. I imagine you'd have received them by now. Just checking up.

Ditto on the get better.
Remember, plenty of fluids and large infusions of Thurber. Avoid FOX news and, well... tv in general.

Oh, wait! LOST returns tomorrow night!!! Ummmm.....
Forget i said anything at all.

I hope you get well soon Harlan.

CANNES!
Harlan,

In case I don't connect with you until later in the day, I want to be the first to pass on this fantastic news: Your pal, the very great Joe Straczynski is going to the Cannes film festival! The Changeling - his movie, directed by some guy named Clint something or other - is in competition at the most prestigious film festival in the world:

http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117984494.html?categoryId=13&cs=1

Keep and Donjon
I have had described to me a poster I would like to have a print of: Henry Miller, at an advanced age, staring into the camera, his cheek rests upon the flank of a naked woman, whose curvaceous derriere "faces" the camera. Miller has a loving smile on his face.

But I've never read his books.

A couple people quibble, and I have to point out:

The answer/clue given by Trebek was "This is the innermost tower of a castle." My answer was "What is "the keep"?

The Jeopardy mavens insisted the correct question/response was "What is the dungeon?", even though they stopped the taping, conferred at their table in stage whispers for seeveral agonizing minutes, Trebek even walked over and (insisted that I was right, (perhaps because he speaks French and knew the etymology of the English word 'dungeon") and then confirmed their ruling that I was wrong, wrong, wrong. I kept muttering under my breath that I was right, which really got the handler upset. I nearly walked off the stage, but after all, the show must go on. Afterwards, I went home, had a drink, and started to work provong I was right.

Yes, you might think they are different words for different things. I knew and know otherwise. I knew that "dungeon" came from French as "donjon", and that it translated to English as "keep". In French it still means that innermost tower, and not the prison. It was the original word in French for the part of the castle, the central and innermost tower, behind an inner wall that formed the penultimate line of defense before the keep itself. Called, in French, the "donjon".

When the French conquered England (okay, a bunch of Francophone Viking descendants), the two terms became synonymous in English. Eventually, somehow, the English word "dungeon" got attached to the cellars of the "keep/dungeon" where malefactors/unlucky souls who managed to piss off the lord of the castle would get thrown until they got their desserts, just or otherwise.

Yes, I'm one of those aggravating people who learn things like this without even trying, and insist they have it right, most especially when you "know" i am wrong, This is because, well, because I am nearly always right when it comes to facts. Nearly always. I have that much humility. Nearly. Always. Opinions, well there I am as wrong as anyone else, or as right.

That is to say, I am a royal pain in the tuches when it comes to facts.

You likely would not know this sort of minutiae unless you had grown up reading extensively, most every other Sunday afternoon, in the Fourteenth Edition of the Encyclopedia Britannica. This I did because those Sundays were usually spent at my Jewish uncles manse. My parents typically refused to allow me to bting along my latest trashy SF novel for Sunday dinner. This meant that, while waiting for the meatloaf to properly brown in its' catsup glaze, if I wanted to read something (and Sunday afternoon TV in the sixties being a wasteland of ballgames and reruns, I usually did), it was the EB or nothing. All of my Jewish uncles other books were Naughty Adult Novels that a bright twelve year old was not allowed access to. Blame it all on Sidney Sheldon.

If in that Fourteenth Edition you look up "Dungeon", you will find "French word for keep". Look up "Keep", and you will see "English word for dungeon". Photocopies of those two pages, taken from the very EB I read as a boy (which my uncle gave to me years later), "persuaded" the "Jeopardy" producers to give me another shot. That, and my explicit threat of bad pulicity. I had a writer for the LA Times ready to do an article on the whole silly situation, not to mention Gloria Allred had expressed an interest in a suit based on secual discrimination (as there was evidence they knew the answer I gave was right, but by ruling against me a woman won that game/ It was well known they wanted more women to win, largely due to their audienxe being about two-thirds female.) I found one former writer for the show who had left in part because of producer pressure to come up with questions that would help women win (less sports and history, more "female" friendly subjects, whatever those were?). Not too many women bother to memorize all the World Series winning teams of the twentieth century, etc. Some do, but more men perform such pointless tasks. Yhus trivia contests are dominated by males. It ain't right or fair, but there it is.

I don't fight fair. Especially not if/when tens of thousands of simoleons are at stake.

To sum up: Yes, I did know more than the Jeopardy judges. They mostly ctibbed from the Fifteenth Editon of the EB, and as everyone knows, that edition blows soft monkey chunks.

Even Wikipedia (salve, salve) has this aright: "In its original medieval usage, the dungeon was the keep, the main tower of a castle..."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dungeon

KOS

Frank's last post
FRANK: That line about Henry Miller was yet another Church Classic. Talk about literary hairballs! As for broken bones, I gotchya beat: not only have I fallen down a lot, I have boneheadedly slipped off a second story balcony in an apartment building (narrowly missing the corner of a wooden fence below by twisting a bit and landing on my side -- didn't think I'd EVER start breathing again), been thrown out of a car (at the age of four), punted like a football (by a drunk woman driver) while still on my motorcycle (landing 254 feet away), and done about a dozen other dumb things to my body (via swinging on vines, sandlot football, etc) that should've broken a bone or two.

Then again, they say bones get more brittle as you get older, so I guess we both better start wearing plastic helmets when we go out for a walk.
-DTS

(Lori, sorry to have missed you. The tea party was actually on for over two hours.)

Steve should be banned for sending Harlan depressing pictures when he's sick. That's the last straw.

I'm free!! No more U.S. election mayhem and gameplay!

The escape took 24 hours - it was a journey through two nights. The last plane had an axis problem and departed late.

I had a great time in San Francisco. Gwyn is a peach. Harlan would love her apartment, lots of fascinating stuff there. She could live off auctions for the rest of her life. She's also a mad party girl. I'm happy to report that she keeps Harlan's books on the best shelf. Her partner JC is a delightful mix between Connery and Asimov. He seems famous but insists he's not. The Mad Hatter's Tea Party was also attended by David Silver who defies description - expert on everything and all around cool guy. I saw them much too briefly, of course. (In case the three of you are wondering, the allergy situation got a little better towards the evening and my friend took me to the airport.) Thank you so much everybody.

Photos of Cafe 50s WebderCon and The Tea Party (sans JC who took the picture) are here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/laufjunge/

My camera is a bit peculiar, doesn't make sounds. Not sure if the pictures show how much fun we had both times, but everybody who was there can attest that we did! And we believed none of the nasty rumors Steve was trying to spread about Harlan at the Cafe!

Did everyone see Tanja's video? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12F0vm3TS0A

Jan

A few things all at once
Hey Gwyenth

Just in case you didn't get my email, sorry I missed the shindig at the King George. I'm not as young as I used to be, and the party the night before kept me in bed till 3 that afternoon. Figuring that a Tea Party couldn't last more than an hour, I didn't show up! Hope David, you and I can try it again some time!

Barney: I wouldn't take anything Obama says on national TV too seriously ya know *hoping he sees the cheek buldge from her tounge being firmly planted there!*

Anyone who can answer: Why in the world do we have the date and time in Berlin posted here?

Love ya all

Lori

A Shiksa's solution
Dear Unca’ Harlan:
(Please forgive in advance my attempt at Yiddish – I have my (copy of) Leo Rosten’s book at hand and am trying to make you smile at least…)
Oy, from a shiksa, I’m worried sick about you with this Lovecraftian gebrokhn shlafkeyt for three weeks already! I know that Susan is taking excellent care of you, AND, I’d like to offer perhaps some advice you haven’t heard yet? I’m not a doctor (although I’ve played one in bed) but I’ve been through it with hospitals as a khoyle-mesukn of the gederem and have discovered this wonderful stuff called “Compazine” --“Procholorperazine” for the generic. It’ll stop the gebroknim (sp?)….long enough to get down some liquids at least.
If you haven’t heard about it call your M.D. perhaps. At any rate, from that most medical genius of geniuses, Uncle Wiggily’s good Dr. Possum, “Breathe the fresh air…” And if the bra strap on Beyonce’s beleaguered brassiere doesn’t pop wide open, causing the air bag on her BMW to accidentally inflate from the sudden impact of her breasts against the steering wheel, blaring her horn at the Hells’ Angels Los Angeles Chapter riding in front of her and so that the Angels and the Diva end up in a leather and lace-ripping free-for-all on the 405, you’ll be much better real soon!

Dear Susan:
THANK YOU!!!!! For the favor you said you would try to accomplish – it is much appreciated. P.S. I hope I figured the CA state tax correctly, if not please just e-mail me at gwynethm905@earthlink.net and I’ll make it right by you.

Steve and Cris:
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!! The package arrived and I’m grooving to Cris’ sweet tones even as I type this right now.

Cindy and Paris:
Golly --- Ya’ll get over those serious ailments real soon! Keep us posted.

Sandra:
Keep the faith with the “No Unscheduled Drama” memo. It sounds like a great idea. If/and or when things go pear-shaped for me, I might ask if you could add me to that one too?

The Ellison Webderland Mad Hatter’s Tea Party in San Francisco was a lot of fun! Jan, David, JC and I had a proper afternoon tea at the King George Hotel. We were all just too posh by half! Sadly, we missed Lori. Lori, please, please contact me/us and let us know you’re ok, O.K.? I’m a mother hen and I worry about people… We even had a giant “Mad Hatter’s Hat”, which no one wanted to wear… and no one had to be rolled up in a teapot and bowled down the hill afterwards! So all was successful all-in-all. We’re planning some more SF Harlan fan get-togethers, so if you’re in the SF vicinity and are interested, please e-mail me via the boards or my e-mail to get on the mailing list!

Coil, Josh speaks truth; I once saw him burn an effigy of Henny Youngman.


--------------

Harlan, if you cough up Henry Miller, tell him to give me a call.

------------------

Cindy, sorry about little Paris. She sounds like a nifty little bugger. I am 43 and have never broken a bone--hope to never be in that league.

The funny part is, I am always falling down.

Dig that.

--------------

I never get sick, I drink alcohol, that tends to kill the bugs before infestation. Bugs are my bitches.

Stubble Story
Sometime in the MIAMI VICE '80s, Harlan did a bookstore signing in NYC; and he'd shown up harried and uncharacteristically unshaven. He wore a white sports jacket over a - I think - blue t-shirt, so I told him, "My god: You made Don Johnson, and now you're dressing like him!" Harlan gently touched his stubbly cheek in a gesture that was both protective and apologetic. "Listen," he confided, "I could NEVER get away with this in LA...!"

And now, a lovely walrus:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDg7kWgs5e0

Martian Death Flu?
Somebody fix that drippy sumbitch a Martian Death Toddy.

Harlan---Get well, dammit. We worry.

Josh Olson---Today's joke becomes tomorrow's internet "truth".

Cindy wrote: "It's been an unholy fuck of a week all the way around. I had a tumor removed from my instep two weeks ago today. Then Saturday Paris broke her leg. I let her go to a skating party. All the kids laughed when I said, " If they have helmets, put one on.""

Okay, I'll add you to this list for the "No Unscheduled Drama" memo that I regularly send out. Not that it does any good, people continue to indulge in their unhealthy fascination with the stuff. Here's hoping the tumor was wondrously benign, and may Paris' surgery go off without a hitch.

When you get the memo, sign it, make a copy for yourself, and send back the original. Post the copy where Fate can see it. This may lack the style of painting lamb's blood on the door, but it keeps the gossips away.


shagin

Harlan's Creeping Crud
Oy.

Stubble hatred
That makes me feel wonderful. Y'see, the first time I met Harlan, it was less than a month after I'd tried shaving my _head_. So I basically presented with something of a stubble infestation-- or, maybe less flattering, a penumbra of hair follicles, all exactly the same quarter-inch length.

Very geeky, but during the week of the head-shaving, there _was_ a serious heat wave.

(Side note to all: George MacDonald Fraser's last novel, _The Reavers_, is finally out here in the States. Fraser's left the stage with nice package of belly laughs for the rest of us; he takes the deranged style of his farce _The Pyrates_ and slaps it onto the sixteenth-century Scottish Border Reivers.)

more stuff

If I may be permitted a brief, gentle violation of the one-a-day rule, especially since I'm not involved in any firefight here (the most interesting topics invariably come up AFTER I've entered my post of the day). . . .

Re: Cortazar, it's funny he should come up, because I recently took a series of his books out of the library to try to put together a program of Cortazar (Borges, Saki, and de Maupassant are also pendng) for my "Story Time for Grownups" series

Re: Steve Barber's memory of "As my grandpa used to say: 'Never do the expected' " I am reminded of one of my very favorite Oscar Wilde-isms:

One should always be a little improbable.

Harlan's hatred of stubble is pathological, irrational and well known. Having seen some of the looks he perpetrated on the world back in the day, I tend to ignore his hatred of stubble. But it IS pathological. In fact, it's safe to say Harlan hates stubble more than I hate the Jews.

Expelled
James writes, "Former journalist and essayist Paul T. Riddell brought up this very salient point over at his blog: '(I learned a long time ago that when it comes to films made by fanatics for fanatics, the films will bomb because it's nearly impossible to get the people for whom the film was made to release their death grips on their change purses, as demonstrated by Left Behind and Serenity.'"

JAMES: If you see Mr. Riddell, tell him to leave SERENITY fans out of this. The Browncoats turned out to see our FIREFLY film; it was just that not enough other folk glommed on to its geeky goodness. To compare SERENITY and its fans to the dreck that is the LEFT BEHIND books and films and the marching morons that admire them is just plain insulting; although, I will admit that there are always a few goobers somewhere in the ranks of any fandom. I'm not taking Riddell's remarks too personally, James; but, I still thought that they warranted a rubuttal.

HARLAN: Get over the Martian Death Flu soon. Folks worry about you.

Regards to all.

ALEX: Cortazar is one of my passions. I think he is merely superlative. If I had to pick a "favorite," it would probabaly only be because it was the first Cortazar I stumbled upon, which opened his world of wonder to me: HOPSCOTCH. I bought it in an Avon paperback edition at the same time as I bought Jorge Amado's CAPTAINS OF THE SANDS and Pat Murphy's wonderful THE FALLING WOMAN, and nonsensically (since they have virtually nothing in common save that Cortazar and Amado were part of that astonishing '50s-'60s exlosion of Latin American magic realism that so brought me to tears that at long last I had found my "literary family") when I think of one, I always think of the other two. They are in no way related, but I have them chockablock on a shelf in the bedroom, because they seem so much a gestalt.

Though different in many ways from HOPSCOTCH, I guess my next two favorite Cortazars would be his fifth English-translated novel, 62: A MODEL KIT, and the sumptuously memorable book of stories END OF THE GAME, well translated from the Spanish by Paul Blackburn. It is in that collection one finds the story from which Antonioni made the film "Blow-Up."

With its (and I use the word intentionally) awesome opening lines that, having once been read, never again allow a writer of worth to set a word to paper without realizing he has been altered substantially in his craft.

RICK OLLERMAN: What I actually said to Neil was, "How's chances of your standing a little closer to your razor when you shave tomorrow morning?"

But, essentially, he has it right.

I do love that kid. You may tell him I said so.

I'd tell him myself, but to do so involves all that inputting and codenaming and URLing, which I choose to let befuddle me...so I can avoid it altogether.

And by the by: I'm a little better today. It is as if I have swallowed H.P. Lovecraft whole, and am piecemeal regurgitating parts of him as colloid gobbets. This is not, trust me, mes amis, a good thing.

Yr. Pal, Harlan

"The photos arrived today. For some reason, they depressed the shit out of me."

Ouch. Harlan, I can assure you that the three people involved in getting these shots to you (Barney took 'em, Peggy passed 'em on, and I printed and shipped 'em) had nothing but good intentions. Looking at them, I'm not sure why the angst -- you're certainly aging much more beautifully than Spinrad, for instance.

Prob'ly not a good time to tell you I've been obsessing about taking your picture silhouetted against those knives in your kitchen, is it?

(Get well very soon. It hardly seems fair you have to pay for your expeditions with weeks of misery.)
______________________________________

Just to really f*** with the reality of people who lurk here, we've started a wine thread over in the Forums. Other than a connection to "Strange Wine" (first made right this very second), it's located in the LAST place you're likely to think to find such a thread. ("Yeah, over on the Ellison page. I'm serious!")

As my grandpa used to say: "Never do the expected."

There's also a damned good thread about music.
_____________________________________

I remember the OJ drive. Michael Mikulka, one of her music buddies, was over at our (at the time) apartment to talk about business. I was, as usual, killing time watching 'le teat' when the news broke. OJ's roundabout path curlique'd (sp?) its way up the 405 and surroudning freeways.

The three of us maintained a steady trialogue which probably would need strong censoring these days.

Ah, the memories. LA, the freeways and the California Highway Patrol in their finest finest hours.

various

Without actually looking it up, I have an image of the keep as being rather high, while a dungeon is invariably low, preferably below ground level; the keep being where the most important people in the castle are kept safe, and probably stage their defense battle at the very end, and the dungeon being the place where the undesirables are kept safely away from everyone else. But that's just my intuitive take.

I'm not getting enough info on those elderly dames that were convicted in LA last week of killing off homeless people and making millions off the life insurance policies they had taken out on them. How do you GET a life insurance policy on a homeless person? And did the ladies get the idea from "Arsenic and Old Lace"?

HARLAN:

No invoice coming, no outstanding obligations. Look for later opportunities.

Sorry Harlan,
I don't know where I got that. Sometimes I misremember things grandly.

It's been an unholy fuck of a week all the way around. I had a tumor removed from my instep two weeks ago today. Then Saturday Paris broke her leg. I let her go to a skating party. All the kids laughed when I said, " If they have helmets, put one on."

The doc in the E.R. said he'd never seen a break like that in 40 years of practice. Seems it shifted and broke the growth plate and broke and cracked the tibia. They wanted to operate that night-- in Fredericksburg ( spelled p-o-d-u-n-k). The doctors got pissy when I told them I wanted to take her some place-- bigger. They stabilized her leg with a cast. We're going to San Antone today to see a Pediatric Orthopedic surgeon. She'll have surgery sometime in the next couple of days.

Paris never has stopped smiling. She never cried or whined. In the E.R. on Saturday afternoon I finally had to tell her if she didn't stop giggling and rolling around in the wheel chair they weren't going to believe she had anything wrong with her and they'd never take us back to see the doctor. She clearly didn't get her pain tolerance from me. I'm a ridiculous patient.

I am really distressed about your flu. Three weeks is a crazy long time to be miserable. God isn't listening to me or you'd be well. I guess I'll have to sound more annoying when I talk to him.
Yer pal,
Cindy

Possesives and Promises to keep about posession.
First, sorry about the your/you're debacle. My bad.

****************************************************

So I was watching the Daily Show this evening. I'm sure the video will be posted. Probably has been already. Don't care. The upshot was Stewart asked the one question that others had been avoiding.

Namely, if Obama is elected president - would he enslave the white race?

Obama promised not to.

I don't believe I've gotten that promise from the other two candidates.

So, I'm voting for Obama.

- Barney Dannelke

Overlords, PA.

Question to Harlan
I was just wondering about something. I know that you, Harlan, are an admirer of the work of Jorge Luís Borges, but have you ever read anything by his countryman Julio Cortázar, who just happens to be one of my favorite writers? If so, what did you think of it?

I find his stories kind of reminiscent of Borges's, although in a less 'strict' manner, if you will.

Best regards
Alex

Dear KOS
I can't resist pointing out:
You are not the only person who found themselves eclipsed by the OJ slow chase. There was a singer (?) slash actor (?) who had a big pay-per-view blow-out concert event, one that was supposed to net him lots of money, lots of attention, and perhaps even finally bring him the adoration in the US that he thought he was lacking ...

Said event, weeks and months in the planning, aired at the same time as the OJ slow chase.

Who was this man?

David Hasselhoff.

commiserations and corrections
Harlann, I'm with you on the flu, though mine is of a more terrestrial variety. The congestion part of which makes interviewing to be that oh so cheerful voice on the phone when you call blank company so much EASIER, let me tell you...

KOS, umm, from everything I've ever read, the keep refers to the main building thats built separately, within the wall of the castle, and also the grounds within the castle wall that it stands on. The dungeon may be located in one of those parts, if the castle HAS a dungeon, but they are indeed separate parts.

Expelled: The Academy strikes back
Excellent reponse about EXPELLED from Chief Devil Himself, Prof. Richard Dawkins.

http://richarddawkins.net/article,2488,Open-Letter-to-a-victim-of-Ben-Steins-lying-propaganda,Richard-Dawkins

At long last, original episodes of "Burke's Law," including, I presume, those written by our own Unca Harlan, are being released on home video. Follow this link to VCI Entertainment's web site for the details: http://tinyurl.com/5orcq2

Steve J.

Documentaries Revealed For Edinburgh International Film Festival
. . .Werner Herzog, a longtime favourite of the EIFF and good friend of Errol Morris, is expected to be in Edinburgh for the UK premiere of his eccentric and visually exquisite documentary on Antartica Encounters At the End of the World. Erik Nelson, producer on Herzog's film, also brings his directorial debut feature, Dreams With Sharp Teeth, which explores the life and work of science fiction writer Harlan Ellison. . . .

http://www.edinburghguide.com/edinburghfilmfestival/story/1553

Neil Gaiman's blog
Today on Neil Gaiman's blog he recalls it the "best advice from a writer" he's ever received. And it was from Harlan.

http://journal.neilgaiman.com/

Oh, Frenum, sure, everyone knows they're the desert people of Dune! (wink)

I lost on Jeopardy
Actually, I hold the rare distinction of winning twice on Jeopardy (sort of) AND losing twice.

I won the first game I played, and would have won the second if the judges had known as much about the English language as I did (that "Keep" and "Dungeon" have the same meaning when referring to a certain part of a castle).

So after proving to the exec's I was right, I got called back for a third appearance. I lost, blown away. However, it was to a fellow who was a former GE College Bowl champion in the Sixties who went on to win that years' Jeopardy Tournament of Champions.

Some solace in that.

Gee, I'm smarter than Ben Stein! That probably explains why I didn't get a "call back" when I tried out for his show.

Almost no one saw me win on Jeopardy. That episode aired the night of the famous "Slow Chase" of OJ.

But the money I won started the business through which I met the person through whom I got my start writing. Weird, how these things happen.

I also recall that Fred Pohl, Jr. (or possibly II, I do not recall exactly) was one of the writers and judges for Jeopardy. Son of Fred Pohl the SF great, both writing and editing.

Pohl, Silverberg and Ellison, combined, have likely written and edited more great SF stories than any other trio in the history of SF.

Seems likely to me, anyway. BTW, I highly recommend Pohl's autobiography, "The Way The Future Was".

Harlan would not merely have won Ben Stein's money, he would have slept in his bed and eaten his breakfast. I would never bet against Harlan knowing something. The man knows what "frenum" means, as well s "gardyloo". You have been warned.

KOS

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Phlegm Ball Scorned

Two weeks ago, I was decked out for 6 days by a flu. One of the worst I ever had. The week prior I was in amazingly good shape. It took ONE day - that Sunday night - for me to deteriorate into an abysmal fevered putrid phlegm monster (I dun hacked so bad by Wed, I tored some tisser in mah gullet! DATS whut REALLY burned down da barn!).

The only substance that seemed to help at all - since it was entirely a chest cold - was TheraFlu.

I was pathetically humbled, weak, and innocent the whole stretch. It really fucked up a lot of plans for the month. How d'ya think I got around to running every first season episode of 'Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea'?

I knew you'd be thrilled by this news.

HARLAN -- As digital chicken soup isn't as satisfying as the real thing, I'll settle for sending you best wishes and hopes for a speedier recovery. Stay hydrated.

And remember you love Susan enough not to infect her.


shagin

now batting clean-up...
Barney Dannelke - shame on you! "Your" instead of "you're" indeed! What're you trying to do, make Harlan kvetch all over himself.

Harlan, I didn't understand that last yiddish word before you signed off... :-) Hope you feel better soon.

Tribe-o-Stein
***Harlan*** But, but, ummm, but your both (lowers voice to low whisper) - how do I say this, umm, Jews. I don't get it. I don't understand. How's this whole "cabal" thing you guys got goin' supposed to work if your not all on the same team? One big happy family and all that. I mean, what the?...

- Barney

Stereo Type-A / Cibo Mato, PA.

OZ
HARLAN: Glad to know you aren't planning to attend any more conventions. The amount of payments you get for lectures and such isn't worth the sicknesses you contract after getting out amongst the faithful, unclean masses. Get better soon, buddy. (Hi, Susan -- you take care as well).
-Dorman

Oh. Two cleanups.

1. David Loftus. Old friend, shouldn't I be seeing an invoice from you?

2. Steve Barber. The photos arrived today. For some reason, they depressed the shit out of me.

Have I forgotten anything?

-he

BEN STEIN


Cindy:

Hardly a friend. Once met him in First Class on a LA-NYC flight. He recognized me...sorta. Came up and said, "Do I know you?" I said: "Harlan Ellison, Mr. Stein." "Ah...yes," he said, "I've read and liked your books. What're you doing these days?" "Writing books and lecturing," I replied. "Mmm," he mmm'd. "Have to get on my show. You'd be good." "Thank you," I said. "I have enjoyed your film and advertising work, but I despise your politics and credentials." "Mmmm," he mmm'd, and went back to his seat. Seemed a nice enough chap. Never heard from him again. That's all of it, Cindy. And Josh.

Oh, and if any of y'all were wondering, I'm now in week 3 of the Martian Death Flu, getting not much better despite endless medications coming out of my pores, and each new one making me loopier than the farrago preceding. Do not ask.

Kaffkaffkakkkkkchhhhh, Harlan

Steve, the cds arrived today. I am listening to "Among Friends" right now as I work chronologically thru the three. I'll let you know what I think after listening to all of them.

BARNEY - I never said I thought you thought that Ben Stein was stupid. (Wow. Diagram THAT sentence!) I was simply pointing out that he is not, from most accounts, stupid. And, as stated, I disagree with the vast majority of his political and theological views.

(Admiral James Stockdale -- the late Naval strategist popularly known as Ross Perot's running mate -- was a brilliant man. Unfortunately his brilliance was well-considered and not easily delivered "off the cuff". Hence his failure as a politico. Despite his public reputation, Stockdale was one of the best military minds and teachers of the 20th century.)

(Warning, before this descends into politically-motivated name-calling: Stockdale and his wife were friends of the family, so please be considerate when you lob the grenades. I met and talked to the man many times.)

My point? Ben should be judged by the connections he makes, not the rapidity of his connection.

Speed of delivery does not equal accuracy nor brilliance of the mind. (Call Stephen Hawking stupid some time and see what happens.)

And I still disagree with virtually everything he says and stands for.
________________________________________

FRANK - "What does everybody think of the fact that Bill Maher almost got bumped from HBO for calling the Pope a nazi?"

I think the most important word in that sentence is "almost".

David Loftus, so you say you will listen to the other side. Ok:

http://media.www.uahexponent.com/media/storage/paper462/news/2004/06/18/News/Ut.Journalism.Professor.Critiques.Pornography-688411.shtml

----------------

Everybody, go to the kcrw page and look for the show Left, Right and Center, you can download the show from Friday. They go after Obama again for his comments. This will piss you off.

-------------

What does everybody think of the fact that Bill Maher almost got bumped from HBO for calling the Pope a nazi?

Much Ado About Expelled
This recent Expelled! flap will pass, guys. Like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Former journalist and essayist Paul T. Riddell brought up this very salient point over at his blog: "(I learned a long time ago that when it comes to films made by fanatics for fanatics, the films will bomb because it's nearly impossible to get the people for whom the film was made to release their death grips on their change purses, as demonstrated by Left Behind and Serenity."

Think about it. They'll go to the few hundred theaters to watch it, they'll stage viewings in their churches, they'll email their friends and tell them the fate of their immortal souls are at stake if they don't go out and watch or rent the film, and then . . . like a fart in the wind, it'll be gone.

The truly sad part is that both sides will never get together and air their views. These people don't understand even basic science, so they're not going to read all the arguments against the tenets of Expelled! being published in New Scientist and Scientific American. And we're never going to put ourselves in a position to be surrounded by these right-wing nut-jobs (I'm surrounded quite enough at work, thank you).

No, they'll just continue to spout "evolution is only a theory" at the top of their lungs, without the slightest inkling of what a theory actually is, the byproducts of an outdated, outmoded education system that mistakes memorizing useless dates and facts with actual thinking and true knowledge.

The Great Brother Theodore...
...on Letterman, circa 1985.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDMPkNnfs64&eurl=

An "Evolutionary" palate cleanser, methinks.

Devolution. . .
Rational thought is in deep trouble. Fundamentalism is on the rise, irrational beliefs are spreading like wildfire and Creationism is on the march, gathering more adherents by the day, more resources, more funds, more media access. . . what are we to do?

When even the travelling Darwin Exhibit (which I just saw at the Royal Ontario Museum) feels the need to throw in a panel on Creationism, things are pretty bad.

Even seemingly intelligent people who don't support creationism seem to compeltely misunderstand science, and apply words like "fundamentalist" and "orthodoxy" to the scientific method.

What are we to do?

If you want to see this movie, wait for it to be released on dvd. It should be out before the Republican convention.

So much for the vaunted power of the Religious Reich. This movie didn't even draw $3 million in its opening weekend.
----------

The 2 purposes of movies like this are to confirm feelings of superiority in the mindless hordes and to brainwash the younger audience before they can learn to think for themselves. This is why there has been the assault against education for so many decades now. Keep the masses dumb enough to funnel them into the chute like cattle. As evidence that it has been working, I offer the buildup to the Iraqi invasion and occupation.

Impelled to "Expelled"?

Ezra writes:

:: So go see the movie just so you'll know what we're up against.


I'm all for checking out the opposition -- I've spent some uncomfortable hours sitting through presentations by people I disagree with (vividly recall the Women Against Pornography slide show I first saw at Harvard about 1979 when I was very confused and conflicted and thought they had a point; then seeing it again 20 years later when my position had solidified, largely against them, to the point where I'd written my own book on the subject, and found that their analysis hadn't improved one bit in all those years, nor had the imagery become updated or any more accurate) -- if I didn't have to give them money to support their despicable cause.

Here's a situation that just cries out for video piracy. . . .

Expelled: no intelligence allowed, ain't that the truth
I was conflicted about seeing the movie but I've also read Mein Kampf AND Origin of Species and you gotta give the devil his due and curiousity got the best of me and anyway you want to know what these people are up to, the best to fight them.

EXPELLED is a fundamentally dishonest movie. It is full of half-truths and distortions leavened with the occasional outright lie. It masquerades as an honest search for truth and a spirited defense of intellectual freedom against entrenched malevolent othodoxy. What it actually defends is obscurantism and cant.

The makers of this movie are ignorant of how science really works. They are ignorant of what evolution by natural selection, "Darwinism", really means. The movie is full of non-sequitur and lapses in logic.

The dangerousness of the movie is that in order to see it's real flaws you have to already know how science works, understand the mechanism of natural selection, and be able to reason coherently. How many Americans can do this? I'm afraid many people who see this movie will be fooled by it.

Case in point: I was browsing yesterday in my fave used bookstore here (Second City) and when I checked out I noticed the twentysomething cashier was wearing an EXPELLED t-shirt. I asked him if he had seen the movie and what he thought. He thought it was great. He then asked me the same question. Uh-oh. Well I told him my honest reaction and tried to explain some of my objections (equating Darwinism with Nazism, etc). The young man finally came out with "Darwin and Hitler said the same things." and then he turtled on me.

Exasperated a bit I offered to buy him a copy of Origin of Species if he would read it. No reaction.

What is most disturbing here is that you have a twentysomething that has made it through most of the education he will ever receive who is ignorant about the foundation of modern biology.

We have a real fight on our hands against a rising tide of irrationalism in this country that is not going away after Bush leaves office. So go see the movie just so you'll know what we're up against.

Steven the Existentialist
All I know is, someone out there ought to option Harlan for his own game show, pay him as much money as it takes to get him to host it, and give him 100% creative control.

I would *totally watch that. I'm pretty sure you all would too.

Hypocrisy Part 2, the Sequel

Two quotes in today's news. One from the Iraqi government and the second from Condi Rice today when discussing the once again deteriorating political situation in Iraq.

"Iraqi government officials have told McClatchy Newspapers that Maliki, who gained wide support from Sunni officials for taking on the Mahdi Army, went into the fight with no preparation and now is in a battle that he can't extract himself from."

Sounds familiar. And what is the definition of Insanity?

and, from Condi:

"But clearly, the prime minister has laid down some ground rules which any functioning democratic state would insist upon, having to do with, you know, arms belonging to the state, not to -- not in private hands," she said.

Excuse me? What? Did I read that correctly???

So, Condi, lemme get this Second Amendment issue straight. "Any functioning democratic state" you say...

On Ben Stein:

Read Michael Shermer's account of his interview for the film, 'Expelled,' and you'll see that Stein is possessed of a doggedly single-minded perception of reality. Such single-mindedness is useful when one wishes to achieve success at Yale Law School, but ultimately, we must all be judged by the overall contribution we make. Nixon Speeches, Visine Commercials, teen movies, game shows, and an anti-Darwin documentary do not make a body of work that anyone should be particularly proud of. Sounds like someone squadered the uses of a good education.

Compare that to a kid from Painesville, who never finished college, and who eventually wound up writing award-winning teleplays, Silver Pen essays and several dozen of the finest stories of all time.

What's the right way to measure intelligence? By one's latent and untapped potential, or by the genuine products of genius manifested before us?

Steve "Ever the Existentialist" Dooner

Stein's Expelled
Apparently, the National Center for Science Education is not amused by Ben Stein’s anti-evolution film Expelled, and they’ve devoted a web site to debunking what they say are the film’s dishonest claims: Expelled Exposed. http://www.expelledexposed.com/

Steve Barber: Thanks for the info that the cds are on the way. I am looking forward to them.

What made Stein dead to me was his comment about how Nixon was great because he was "friends" with Israel, beyond Nixon's obvious anti-semitism.

Stupid is as stupid does.

a rare musical recommendation
First, a blessed Passover (past) to those who celebrate such.

Yesterday, not being in that particular sect, I went to Ifest - www.ifest.org - for the day. (One of the few benefits of being stuck in Houston, TX is that we do have arts & cultural events beyond what I can manage in my schedule). Always a great time, yesterday was no exception, and the weather turned summery & fab, minus excess humidity, to boot.

Now, I'm not usually one to make musical recommendations, because the crowd hearabouts is much more well-versed of the muscial spectrum than I. And if I'm a johnny-come-lately to this group, apologies now.

However, I simply mustmustmust tell you this: If you are a fan of African American string band music (think bluegrass/folks - banjo, fiddle, guitar, jug, and the like)... RUN, and I mean do not delay, and check out the Carolina Chocolate Drops. Not only was it one of the most engaging and charismatic performances at the festival (and - to put this in context - I saw Buddy Guy last night as well; this group had a post- 6 PM crowd of hot, sweaty, tired and bedraggled festival goers clapping hands, pounding feet, and learning a tom-tom song to boot ...), it's one of the best I've seen in years.

They have an enormous talent and a genuine love of the music and it's historical heritage. Rhianna has pipes that could hold with any R&B name, and she blows the kazoo that could match many a good jazz trumpet and trombone. Yes, the kazoo. They did a banjo & fiddle cover of Hit Em Up Style and made it work...

YMMV, etc. etc. but just listen to me and check 'em out. www.carolinachocolatedrops.com. You can find any number of videos on YouTube and they've got a myspace page as well.

I think Ben Stein is friend of Harlan's.

My apology for making a "sexist" comment was more tongue-in-cheek than real, as I was taking an opportunity to poke at Frank Church. Sometimes the sleeping bear must be awakened.

Randi Rhodes IS a cutie, and I lust for her in my pants.

On the subject of Mr. Stein - I do not know the man personally. Have never worked with him, and I have no idea if, in person, he's a whopping intellect of staggering proportion. All I know is what I've seen on his game show and in a trailer for his movie. As the game show was based on the premise that he WAS a whopping intellect of staggering proportion, all I can say is it didn't appear to be too difficult to win Ben Stein's money. The average Jeopardy loser has a wider array of knowledge.

As for the rest - his university edumacation and career as a laywer, and time spent writing speeches for one of the most venal crooks of the 20th century.... Yes. And?

The man has made a film in which it is argued that Darwinism was a contributing factor to the Holocaust.

Obviously, he knows that's bullshit. Obviously, his agenda is to take money from a particular segment of the audience. That that audience isn't made up of anyone but crack-heads and morons indicates that Ben Stein ain't aiming very high.

So you tell me the man's possessed of a brilliant mind. Perhaps. But if you shut your ears to his PR machine's incessant, droning insistence that he's possessed of a brilliant mind, the evidence in front of you is hardly conclusive, and would, in fact, sway one to a contrary conclusion.

Like Dean Martin's infamous martini glass, I suspect Ben Stein's head is full of nothing but water.

RE: SAMWISE FOLLOW UP
Hi, Susan.

Apologies - only just noticed this!

Yes, if Harlan would be willing to sign them that would be great too! :)

I'm still sorry I couldn't get the jam across - I opened one of the jars here and I now know why you were after it!

Sam.

Not stupid, just pernicious
To KOS and Steve and anybody else who might have lumped me in with people characterizing Ben Stein as not smart - "not smart" isn't the thought crime being committed here, but rather disinformation that is willful and pernicious. I find these qualities to be far worse than stupidity because stupidity has a neutral bias.

Pernicious;
a. Tending to cause death or serious injury; deadly: a pernicious virus.
b. Causing great harm; destructive: pernicious rumors.

Going with meaning "b" on this.

IF you are smart enough to process work by Darwin and Eisley and Gould and others and you CHOOSE to make a documentary (or mockumentary) about this work and you are too crafty or too lazy to either define terms (evolution OR intelligent design) and don't attempt to get reasoned opposing views than you are not engaging on a "smart" level, you are just propagandizing. Muddying the waters for people who are never going to read a single work on biology cover to cover or even look up something like "junk DNA" on the internet is to get up in the morning and say to you yourself, "ah, today I am going to do harm."

- Barney Dannelke

http://tinyurl.com/4tbbpg

http://tinyurl.com/3hwtb4

I'd like to second Jeff R.'s recent recommendation of the new DVD release of BLAST OF SILENCE (1961). I saw this film on TV at the tender age of, oh, nine or ten probably, and it absolutely knocked me for six, as they say across the pond. Having been steeped in what Hollywood defines a proper movie to be, I had no idea that such chimeras as this existed on celluloid. Confronted with this odd admixture of film noir and Italian neorealism, neither of which I had heard of at that point in my young life, with a dash of Kammerspiel by way of John Cassavetes -- well, it was just too much to process. It left me dazed and disoriented; no longer certain that I even knew what a movie was. I wanted to talk about what I had seen, but I had no vocabulary with which to do so, and no one with whom to talk about it. This was long before home video, and I had seen it alone. For years I asked people if they had ever heard of this film, not at all certain that I even had the title right, and never once did I encounter anyone else who had seen or heard of it. After a while I began to doubt my own memory; maybe I hadn't seen it at all. Eventually I was able to track down references to it, but still I could find anyone else who had actually seen it.

Years later, I was able to acquire a very bad, under the counter video copy of the film. I watched it with some trepidation, wondering if it would turn out to be just a dreadful piece of junk that would leave me feeling embarrassed by having been so touched by it as a youth. The film that I saw on that second viewing turned out to be rough as a cob, almost amateurish, but nonetheless just as engaging as I remembered it.

At the time I was writing a weekly newspaper column in which I recommended older titles on home video. I wanted to write about BLAST OF SILENCE, but it still wasn't officially available, and I didn't feel I could send readers to the video store equivalent of a speakeasy, so I let it slide. Now, finally, it is available in an official release. And Jeff and I think you should give it a look.

Steve J.

Danny Fedirici
I was fortunate enough to see him play his next-to-last official appearance with the band on 18 November 2007. The next night, at Boston's second show (and the last one of the U.S. 2007 leg of the Magic tour), Bruce announced Danny was leaving the tour. He made an appearance at a concert last month.

As someone who has grown to LOVE the music that not only Springsteen but the entire E Street Band has produced, I know that Mr. Federici will be missed by the fans as much as by his bandmates.

What KOS said.

Stein is neither stupid nor uneducated. I disagree with his politics and am dumbfounded/disappointed that he seems to be a creationism adherent.

But dumb? No.
__________________________________________

ROGER, GWYN - Cris mailed off your packages today, but I contributed some stupidity to the mix. I put them in the bin clearly marked "last Saturday pickup 2:15". It was, in fact, 2:37. *Ahem*. I fall on my sword.

HARLAN - Luckily, Cris stayed my hand and your "Me and Norman S" Dannelke-come-Peggy pics left through the "last pickup 3:00" bin.

At least I got somethin' right.

Stein, Ben
Ben Stein bio from IMDB:

"He graduated from Columbia University in 1966 with honors in economics and as valedictorian of the 1970 Yale Law School class. He has worked as a poverty lawyer, a trial lawyer, a university adjunct (American University, University of California at Santa Cruz and Pepperdine University), a speech writer for Presidents Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford and a columnist for The Wall Street Journal, The Los Angeles Herald Examiner, King Features Syndicate, Los Angeles Magazine, New York Magazine, E! Online and The American Spectator. He also writes frequently for The Washington Post. Stein has written and published 16 books (seven novels, nine nonfiction books), the most recent of which is about life with his 12-year-old son, Tommy. He has been a longtime screenwriter and was one of the creators of the TV series Fernwood 2Night."

This is someone with a low IQ and merely the smartest extra at the crafts table? If so: Wow, I have a newfound respect for the intellect of the average person at that crafts table.

I disagree with a lot of his politics, and "his" movie (the one he appears in, anyway), is (jusging by what I read in the "papers" a bit of a crock, I gather. I understate for effect there, in case you wish to quibble as to its' dumbth. I will not argue that.

But a low IQ? If that bio is accurate, a low IQ seems unlikely. Smart people can believe foolish things. In my experience, it's common. It's almost a truism that they do. Newton burned his brains out on the "Principia", then spent the rest of his life trying to decode the Bible and cast horoscopes.

Such , perhaps, is why we don't simply give an IQ test to politicians and award the job to the winner.

Though, the Chinese did that for a couple of millennia and it worked for them. Then again, they reserved the top job for the son of the father who had it from his father.

KOS

Ben Stein
Ben Stein was supposed to be on LARRY KING Friday but was bumped for breaking news. So maybe Monday. I don't know where else he's scheduled to get softball questions about his movie. I'm hoping he'll make the mistake of going on the Colbert Report.

The 1960s and 1970s WERE the 'better time'. The kind of thing 19th century Victorian utopianism dreamt about. The best that can happen has already happened, so nothing more interesting will happen.

Whenever there is a flow of energy some is always lost as low-level heat. For example, in a steam engine, the friction of the piston is manifested in non-useful heat, and hence some of the energy put into it is not turned into work. There is no such thing as a friction-free system, and for that reason no such thing as a perfect machine. Entropy is a measure of this loss. Heat flows, so ultimately everything will tend to stabilize at the same temperature, when this happens to literally everything - in what is often called the heat-death of the Universe - entropy will have reached its maximum, with no order left, total randomness, no life, the end.

Two unrelated things -

Danny Federici - Terrible, sad news. MY favorite rock and roll band, bar none. The first time I saw them was 1978, the last was a few months ago when they played LA on the current tour, and I truly cannot count how many times in between. LA was to be one of the last times Danny played an entire show with them. He came back to do a few songs with them a couple of times since, as recently as a few weeks ago. He was an integral part of a band that meant something, a bunch of great musicians who've managed to not only stay together, but to continue to grow for more than thirty years.

It took a special kind of madness to put an accordion into a rock and roll song. It took Danny Federici to make it work.
----
My friend Brian Flemming (That's Brian The Atheist to you, Harlan) has a nice piece on yet another bit of scandal revolving around Ben Stein's odious movie Expelled. (You can read it all here: http://www.brianflemming.org/) The upshot is this - on top of all the other squid-like actions these folks have taken to make and promote their film, it would appear that the most boneheaded was to use songs by the killers and an obscure singer-songwriter named John Lennon in their movie.... without paying for them. Just dropped them in the flick.

Yoko Ono is, apparently, going after them, and is in a position to destroy these nitwits. (Brian also encourages the film's investors to sue the producers for incompetence, as they, too, have an easy case. )

On the subject of Ben Stein - the man makes a lot of his acting career, but he was, for the most part, a bit player who worked because he had a strange presence that was amusing in small doses. He makes a lot of his acting career, and it's weirdly impressive that he's gotten such mileage out of a small part in a twenty year old movie (Ferris Bueller). Same with his intelligence, frankly. I remember tuning in to Win Ben Stein's Money, thinking that for such a show to work, the guy would have to be a real wiz. He wasn't. He was clearly possessed of a plodding intellect, and had obviously confused being the smartest extra hanging around the crafts service table with being genuinely intelligent.

In his new film, he links "Darwinism" with Naziism, and, really, does anything more need to be said about the man's low IQ or low character?

Yes, I'd pay money to put him in a room with Harlan.

***Cindy*** See my previous note in this forum. In short, Nixon's staff just can't stop doing evil. It would be sad if it were not so infuriating. If the Nixon thing draws a blank see Stein's resume.

- Barney Dannelke

Mark, have fun suffering. Love my Jewish friends. Such good politics, those folks.

WASPS, we will always be the ugly kids stuck in the closet. But, at least we have bugs to eat. Yum.

-------------

Cindy, that film is right wing propaganda. You won't sucker me sister, not even with that sexy smile.

-------------

Harlan, just click this picture, this is Randi Rhoads.

http://www.ewiseradiotools.com/station_files/jockitems___65_1124734177.jpg

Don't want to be sexist, so I avoided the nice shot with a low cropped top.

Fuck the elitist death flu. Kissers and leech sux.

Off to synagogue in a few minutes, and then finishing up preparations for my first Seder on my own, but wanted to wish Adam-Troy, Alex Jay, and all others a very Happy Passover (I am craving a pepperoni pizza already, gonna be a loooong Pesach)

Mark

Danny Federici, musician extraordinaire
ALL: If ya got a CD or an album or two by Bruce Springsteen and his E-Street band, toss it on the old CD or record player and spin some tunes in honor of Danny Federici, who played the keyboard and the organ like a man possessed, and an angel incarnate. Got to see him and Springsteen and the rest of the E-Streeters perform live three times (one of the few rock bands I'd actually go through the trouble for, because their live shows are so damn good): first time was in Austin, in the early 80s, and I was in the nose bleed seats (even after spending all night in line) because I didn't have a clue about how fast those tickets would sell; second time, I got great seats to a show in Frankfurt, late 80s; last time, I caught the band in KC, 2002 (woulda caught their 1999 concert, but just as I got second place in line to buy tickets, the power went out due to an ice storm). Federici died of melanoma on April 17th. Bummer. RIP, Phantom Dan.
-DTS

Susan, the book has arrived. Many many thanks. Nice book. Gwyn and the others will glow with envy. I did miss my Harlan and look forward to reading a story or two during my 24-hour return flight(s).

Harlan,
I'm glad you're better! Ten days down-- that's miserable. You sound like you're on the upswing now. The flu is nothing to sneeze at.

Cindy

For All of Y'all,

Anybody seen Ben Stein's new film? It's called EXPELLED :No Intelligence Allowed.

Sounds Cheeky.
:)
Cindy

Harlan: I have emailed your sentiment to Randi Rhodes. Have made it clear that I'm not empowered to offer your time, just a friend; but if she responds to me, I will let you know.

HARLAN ELLISON'S WATCHING
To One And All:

I'm arranging a special HERC discount for WATCHING, directly through M Press. The flyer/newsletter will go out Monday or Tuesday.

All best--Susan

ASSORTED REPLIES

1. Tried reaching Randi Rhodes. The phone number you posted is her on-air call-in, and all it would give up was a busy signal for five hours after her off-air terminus. I kept trying, then finally just gave up. For a lark, to say hello, spending more than a few minutes -- and in this case, over a span of hours --just ain't worth it. If one or another of you is a regular listener, let her know I smiled at her bon mot. She can reach me a lot more easily than I seem to be able to reach her.

2. The fever broke, I stopped puking, and though I wheeze like a badly-maintained Wurlitzer pipe-organ, apparently the Martian Death Flu that has kept me in bed for ten days is receding. I actually did a day of work todayhurray.

3. David. I wish I could give you an answer, but to do so would mean driving over to Huck & Carol Barkin's house (which I cannot, because Sharon's vehicle broke down again, so we loaned her our crate for the weekend, and hence have no wheels -- save the Grey Ghost), schlepping along the Kodaks I have, and comparing them with the two Huck & Carol have long-owned, and which I lusted after. But if we do a dinner soon, I'll remember to cart the goods with, and I'll attempt to respond in a properly sagacious manner. Till then, my treblefold thankyous ... redux.

4. Steve. No, you haven't missed THE CHAIR. You saw the reference to my selling it, in the film DREAMS WITH SHARP TEETH. But most folks won't know what the McGuffin is, until I prepare a proper prevenance to sell it ... E.Bay, I guess. And I've just been otherwise diverted, so endlessly and to the plimsoll line, that I just haven't had a mo to do the taskage attached to making a buck off this Grand Item. But...soon. As always, I ask your--and others'--patience. Then, to those who revere such memorabilia, a prime pieceof Ellison Wonderland will be made available.

5. Alan Coil. How is calling Randi Rhodes a cutie a sexist remark? Would it also be sexist to call her a crone? A shrike? A harridan? Gracious? Elegant? Impressive? No, kiddo, I think the PC Police have gotten to you. I haven't seen a photo of Ms. Rhodes, so I cannot comment on the accuracy of your observation; but geezus peezus, son, a compliment is a compliment. Employing the one, does not mean you're impugning or classifying because you didn't also include the other. A woman can be smart, witty, wry, insular, intellectual, unafraid, informed, legless, blind, autistic, or any one of a thousand other things. But in my book, anybody who thinks "Randi Rhodes is a cutie" is out of place ... well ... nerts to them, I says.

And that sorta cleans it all up for the nonce. Have a nice weekend, friends. And for those who appreciate such things, sundown tomorrow, Saturday, is one of the holiest of Jewish High Holy Days. Passover. A terrific holiday, a smashingly good story, and -- if "some of your best friends are Jews" -- the proper salutation is

"A froylicka Pesach." Pesach is pronounced PAY-sacccccchhhh in what Lewis Black refers to as "the phlegm language."

Yr. Pal, Harlan

THOM HARTMANN:

No one on radio is more courteous, civil, erudite, and VERIDICAL in his debates. NO one. Put aside the little matter that I agree with him on issues 90% of the time, he disseminates an argument fact-by-fact (which is often easy, since the opposing side - these Libertarian-bred troglodytes, whom Hartmann designates accurately as "Republicans who like to get high" and whom he has to contend with frequently on the air - misstate facts all over the place); he digs from the vast database of history to make his case, thereby often passing on a wealth of information to the listener.

Minimize Hartmann as merely a GUY with an AGENDA (if THAT'S what you call it), and you might as well do same to Harlan, Gore Vidal...or ANYONE. When he disagrees with a caller, he is FAR more respectful than most people are to each other, AND he reasons - not OPINES, as a rule - BUT REASONS with solid data.

He did an excellent book titled "Unequal Protection". He has a wealth of experience behind him from so many past roles, and he's scholar on the US Constitution, environmental issues, as well as subjects like Attention Deficit Disorder and AD/HD.

This does not define "an agenda" but rather an INFORMED conclusion on many topics from years of dedicated research.

I'm nuts about Randi too. She breaks me up. (And she held her own against these corporate assholes at Air America recently when she was suspended and they'd misinformed the public about the reasons; they wanted to force her into their contract terms but - like a female Harlan Ellison - she held her own and wouldn't budge. I was truly thankful when she came back) My own one-and-only problem with her is that she tends to bang the same piano key for about 2 hours, which can wear you out if you're sitting in your car the whole time. Sometimes, you HAVE to move on. Harmann, by contrast, moves thru a number of topics in the course of his 3 hours, keeping his show continually interesting and informative.

A "guy with an agenda"...my ASS!

Chris--

Your order went out today. Thank you.

On a separate matter. Much appreciated, Rick.

All best--Susan

Steve - You know of the Chair. You were told of it in a Dream.

FinderDoug
skaepniwt, va

Roger Corman, Filmmaker
.
KOS said: I love the Corman legend about the camera falling on its' side mid-scene of a film Corman was directing, and everyone yelling "cut" EXCEPT Corman. He told everyone to just continue the scene. "Don't worry, when I cut the film I'll make it work!"

My favorite bit of Corman legend is not legend at all, but rather a quote from Roger himself (from one of the many documentaries I've seen him in). Mr. Corman said:

"When setting up a shot with a cinematographer, I ask him three questions: (1) How long to make it perfect? (2) How long to make it good? (3) How long to get an image? And then...I go for the image."

Genius. -- MV

"Computers are faster, they just take longer."
A janitor at the University of Florida once told Professor Randy Pausch, "Computers are faster, they just take longer."

Book Order
Susan,

I was wondering if you received my book order and check in the mail? I dropped it in the box a week or two ago now. I am in no rush, but I noticed that the check had not yet been cashed (as of the last time I checked my account) and wanted to check up on that.

Thanksabunch,
Chris

Barber baby, there must be another Thom Hartmann on the radio, maybe Tommie Hardman, big mouth with an attitude, on the drive time morning zoo. The Hartmann I know is always respectful of his guests, even the idiots at the Ayn Rand institute.

When you are trying to promote an agenda, you don't act all Fair And Balanced. The world is just too dangerous for being ecumenical.

See what Celine Dion does to your head. Kiss.

-------------

Rob, you are my footstool, thine shine on the arse of the great Baal.

Pookie pie, the funhouse mirror don't count.

You know I am the man up in this piece.

Buster.

-----------

Burnin cds is fun shit.

-------------

"Dynamite ham."

Woody Allen

Question for Susan - Re: Harlan Ellison's Watching
Will there be any copies available through HERC? Apologies if I missed where this was discussed.

Thank you.
Tony

An apology

I'm sorry I called Randi Rhodes a cutie. It is a sexist remark.

I apologize for letting my inner Frank Church out.

speaking of movies
http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=ben-steins-expelled-review-john-rennie

It's a pity Harlan hardly ever reviews movies these days. I'm sure this piece of shit will be beaten on like a government mule but I'd really ENJOY reading Harlan rip Stein's orifices just a wee bit w-i-d-e-r. OK, a whole lot wider.

Blaming Darwin for the holocaust is like blaming the Brazilian coffee industry for bad poetry.

- Barney Dannelke

Jockohomo, PA.

I'm not trying to turn this into a film noir board, but...
...if you buy or rent a new Criterion DVD, 1961's BLAST OF SILENCE, I don't think that you will end up mad at me.

Credit where credit is due
My camera, but Barney's shots, if I recall. :)

HARLAN ELLISON'S WATCHING
I picked up the new edition yesterday.

For those of you who don't know this:

"Harlan Ellison's Watching" is a column that Harlan wrote for THE MAGAZINE OF FANTASY & SCIENCE FICTION in the '80s and early '90s. The first 34 columns (and other essays) were published in 1989 by Underwood-Miller. The M Press edition is a reprint of that, with a little extra thrown in. After WATCHING appeared in '89, Harlan continued writing the column, and the following essays remain uncollected and unpublished in book form:

Installment 35, July 1989 issue; #36, Oct. '89 (about BATMAN); #37, Nov. '89; #38, Jan. '90 (about FIELD OF DREAMS / SHOELESS JOE; #39, March '90; #40, May '90; #41, July '90; #42, Sept. '90; #43, Oct. '90; #44, Jan. '91; #45 ... and there was at least one more column in 1994, about THE SHADOW, which is missing from my collection.

There is also a column from the late '80s that Harlan did not include in the book; a "lost column" to be tracked down, if you will ...

HARLAN - I have the 8x10s of Peggy's shots from New York and will post them to you tomorrow.
______________________________________

Randi Rhodes is indeed on KTLK AM 1150. KTLK is, as ATC points out below, NOT an Air America station but an independent broadcaster who carries a number of AAR programs. Randi's new show -- and Mike Malloy's -- are syndicated by Nova M Radio. Likewise, Stephanie Miller and Ed Schultz are Jones Radio hosts.

Frank Noted: "My main problem with her is that she mostly called republicans names, not much else. This is why I adore Thom Hartmann. He at least tries to teach and provide an honest progressive agenda, so that the audience can understand how we on the left think."

Except you're wrong on both counts. Randi is not above namecalling, but she does contribute some interesting thoughts as well as a few very solid guests. Hartmann, on the other hand, approaches everything with a political agenda and not an open mind -- approaching each topic from the perspective that he's right and anyone who disagrees with him is wrong. Hartmann is very poor at listening to and evaluating the other side of any argument.
___________________________________________

(Rick, if this is inappropriate, please remove.)

If there are any people who live in the South Bay or Orange County and would like to attend a May 3 fundraiser for JazzAngels, a nonprofit dedidated to teaching young people about jazz music and performance, please send me an email. Cris is the featured guest, and we are hosting the event.
___________________________________________

THE CHAIR.

I was perusing the Archives yesterday and ran across the original references to this topic. January 17th, 2007. Harlan said "soon".

Did I miss it, or is THE CHAIR still an unanswered mystery perking merrily along in secret?

THE CHAIR.

Star Crash

Honestly...?

...Looks like a lot more fun than that boring movie with the whiny farm boy and the heavy breather with the black leather fetish. I mean, they fight cavemen? And was that a disembodied head with tentacles? I might have to track this tragedy of cinema down...

Harlan, the giver is honored...
...when the gift is received!

On April 13th, Harlan wrote: "...David, how unforgiveably ungracious of me not to have acknowledged the receipt of the box Brownies...to convey my pleasure and gratitude; and to inquire what I might owe you." You don't owe me a darn thing, you old coot! However, you CAN answer the question I asked you in the note with that art deco Beau Brownie that arrived on February 29th...is THAT the camera you were describing to me, when we talked on the telephone waaaaaay back in November, that you saw in your friend's home? I just want to know if I got the right thing for you. Payment? Don't worry about it. What you have there is the "black" model in the Beau Brownie series, its the most common, and they go for $60 to $90 depending on condition (I got you a REALLY clean one). Kodak made several other colors, including a rare "rose" model can sell for up to $600. That's a lot of potatoes for a simple box camera! Of course, as I also explained in that note, you've got the Walter Dorwin Teague design patent used on that camera. What do you think...it doesn't get anymore art deco than that! So just let me know that I got it right for you, and as far as recompense is concerned, well, why don't you treat me to a Pink's dog one of these days when I'm down there, if you have the time. Otherwise, friend, we're solid, and I'm delighted that you're so obviously pleased with your goodies!

All the best,

David

Star Crash!
As bad as Star Crash was (and that trailer s Solid Gold Hilarity!), it has a link to film history.

Roger Corman picked up Star Crash for distribution, wanting to see if a low-budget Star Wars rip off would make money. When it did, he decided to make the 1980 released "Battle Beyond The Stars" (with Sam Jaffe, George Peppard and Richard Thomas!) , which at the time (maybe still?) was Corman's biggest budget ever. I think he cracked a million. I bet the bank kept calling Roger, "Mr. Corman, we think someones writing fake checks on your account. We keep getting these checks with what looks like your signature, but they're for ten times what you normally pay for anything!")

Anyway, James Cameron got one of his early breaks working on "BBTS", and that led to "Terminator", and you folks know the rest of that story.

I love the Corman legend about the camera falling on its' side mid-scene of a film Corman was directing, and everyone yelling "cut" EXCEPT Corman. He told everyone to just continue the scene. "Don't worry, when I cut the film I'll make it work!"

And supposedly he did.

KOS

Frank,

I want you to remember ONE thing:

I'm better than you are; I'm more ENTITLED than you are; I am more STERLING than you are.

Furthermore, anyone who uses words like "adore" amounts to little more than a lower-end androgynous atavism.

Yer Seasoned Elitist,
Rob

Royalties!
I totally agree Franky$Posts. Since this law will adduce to my benefit, let's do get it passed, let's do.

After all, the entire human race are thirty-second cousins. Thus it is a certainty, mathematiculuosy speaking, that I am a descendant, whether of lineage direct or collaterally damaged, of every Greek Dramatist, every Roman Commentator and (due to my British descent) Shakespeare hisself.

I will stake claim immediately, post the passing to passage of this much needed piece of just legislation, to my fair share of the booty.

This is sort of the ultimate in Past Post Betting. You cannot lose.

Kenneth Branagh's Ass Is Mine! Everytime you watch Olivier's Hamlet, I get a dime!

Yours for justice,

Sidney Lemonkrantz, Citizen and Miscreant Critic

(I have a signed document by Chas. Dickens in which he adopted my great-uncle on the maternal line descending to my grand-aunt Tilly. That puts me first in line. This court battle will make "Bleak House" look like "Judge Judy"!

Doubles
Zack,

I can't answer the question of why publishers don't seem to do doubles as much (I would think it's because they can get more money from two small paperbacks than for one paperback with two novellas, but I could be--and probably am--wrong). However, I CAN say that Hard Case Crime just published a double: two early Robert Bloch books, SHOOTING STAR and SPIDERWEB. Their website is www.hardcasecrime.com.

Take care,
Bill

Hey Frank
Hey FRANK: No hate on this side of the Pacific Rim Pond. Just disgust and ongoing disappointment.

Yrs in Elitism,
DTS

Yes, Randi Rhoads is quite sexy, if you can get past her grainy shout/talking skills. She is pure new yawwwwwwwwwwwwwk all the way--from Soho to the slums of Bed Stuy. My main problem with her is that she mostly called republicans names, not much else. This is why I adore Thom Hartmann. He at least tries to teach and provide an honest progressive agenda, so that the audience can understand how we on the left think.

-------------

Harlan never mentioned this, probably because he knew he didn't have to; knowing full well that he expects us to be smart enough to get the main gist: there is good elitism and bad elitism. Bad elitism is snobbery, or hatred of your fellow man because they do not live up to some standard. Good elitism is what Harlan said. hehe.

Randi Rhodes explanation
Much of what you hear on Air America's local affiliates is not provided by Air America, but by other syndicators. Ed Schultz and Mike Malloy, both of whom play on our local Air America affiliate, are not Air America personalities (Malloy was, but he got fired; I dunno who provides him now). It is possible that when Randi Rhodes got fired from Air America her local affiliate just continued to run her, sans interruption, except from her new source.

Tor Double No. 9
So I was pondering my way through our local bookshop when I find this little gem: Tor Double No. 9. It is a wonder: Asimov and Sturgeon, the heads and tails of this paper coin. I've heard of this kind of novel, the Ace and Tor Doubles, but this is the first one I've ever seen.

It makes me wonder: why don't publishers do more doubles? It's a whimsical way to release these little novellas.

.
According to this page

http://www.novamradio.com/live/affiliate_list.php

the Randi Rhodes Show is carried on 1150 AM WTLK in Los Angeles.
_____

Searching for that link is the first time I have seen a picture of Randi Rhodes. Quite a cutie.

a book
Harlan, if you're a fan of Liebling's TELEPHONE BOOTH INDIAN, may I humbly recommend HUBERT'S FREAKS by Gregory Gibson from Harcourt ? As always, I remain, obediently yours,from all of us at the campbell playhouse on the air. jz

RANDI RHODES
I doub't she's on 1150 AM in Los Angeles as that's the Air America station. She was on it a couple weeks ago, but not any more. If she's found a new home I'd like to know where it is.

In DOLBY!!!

BOY is this great!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzfuNSpP0RA

"From the people who SAW "Star Wars"!!!"

Everthing I love about "Sci Fi"!!!! "Booms in Space! Metal Things!! Crazed Special Effects*!!! The script Cordwainer Bird WISHES he wrote!!!

Did I mention....

in "DOLBY!!!!"

*obscure DWST reference.

Steve,

Re: your comment on Harlan with audiences -- absolutely on target.

DTS:
Jeez, man, don't mess with my head that way -- you know I've been deaf to humor and irony, to say nothing of subtlety and nuance, since I ordered my nifty new Rupert Murdoch propeller beanie. Gimme a break, wouldja?


And bests to all,

--tr

SANDRA - As Douglas mentions, we're thinking about your Mom. Glad she had a momentary respite, despite the remaining 2 hours and twenty-eight-ish minutes of traffic.
_______________________________________

RANDI RHODES broadcasts real-time here in LA on KTLK 1150AM, between noon and 3pm PST. If anyone -- ANYONE AT ALL -- wishes to call her show the number is 866-877-2634 (866-87-RANDI).
_______________________________________

TONY - I am not going to be nearly nitwittish as to try to put words in Harlan's mouth, but what has always impressed me when I've seen him with an audience is a) it's done with a terrific sense of humor that unfortunately escapes a (seemingly) large portion of the room, and b) always proceeds with the assumption that anyone listening at that particular moment -- with a few exceptions -- is capable of MUCH more. He expects you to be sharp enough to keep up with him, and more significantly the message conveyed is usually along the lines of "get off your ass and DO something".

IMHO, o course.

DOUGLAS -- Thanks. This was another step.

***

ATC wrote:

"She came up with one.

"That," she declared, "is as freaky as Harlan Ellison under the porch!""

Yeah, but isn't the lighting much better on the front step?


S.

Superman ownership and how did we all arrive at this bad place?
Reflecting on the current Superman character legal battle---

I still don't understand why it's even an issue.....

DC and Marvel (as well as all other comics publishers)should actually be (strictly and only) distributers OF the material and the character (and the entire Universe created FOR the character(s) to play in) should forever and always be the property OF the creator.

PLUS------

This seventy five year limit (and then the property becomes Public Domain) needs to be completely rebooted.

If I had created something, I should receive all monies due me,
with an appropriate (and appreciative) portion given TO whoever distributes MY property. (After all, my creativity needs SOME way to get into the hands of whoever wants to buy and read (or even watch) my creative ideas.

Once I create it- I should own it forever so that (even long after) seventy years is past, any and all heirs of my descendants should be able to enjoy the monies that may still be generated, many generations down the road. Period.

(Unrealistic? Imagine the few remaining descendants of Bach, Mozart etc....or even, say, Charles Dickens, speaking of literature)who would still be receiving some kind of royalties off the works of those geniuses. Because as we are all well aware---their music is still quite popular today.
(And it's well past any seventy five year limit for all of those guys)

Josh Olson Sighting!
He's even taller in person, folks!

http://thecliffordmethod.blogspot.com/2008/04/celebrity-sightings.html

Randi Rhodes
Randi Rhodes, the political commentator who was recently let go from Air America for calling Hillary Clinton and Geraldine Ferraro a pair of bitches, is now on another network with a name that escapes me. Last night at about 5:30 PM Judi and I were driving to see Mikhail Gorbachev speak -- different story entirely -- and half-listening to Randi, who was at the moment searching for a simile to describe how freaky something was.

She came up with one.

"That," she declared, "is as freaky as Harlan Ellison under the porch!"

After a moment of recovering from that one, she said, "Did you ever read SHATTERDAY? Brilliant, just brilliant!"

Sandra:

Continued best wishes for your mom.

D.

Just got back from Seattle with my mom. The results were not as good as we hoped, not as bad as we feared. She goes in for an echocardiogram and a stress test next week.

Did you know there was an international soccer event in Seattle this evening? And did you know they were expecting 55,000 fans at Qwest Field? And did you know 50,000 of those fans were screaming @#$!@!!!! in soccer jerseys, Mexican flags, and bright colors clogging up an already unpleasant rush hour traffic? Did you know they were running up and down the lanes, waving flags, pounding on hoods, throwing beer cans under wheels, dancing between the cars moving at less than a snail's pace? That they were jammed into cars, blaring horns, air horns, plastic trumpets alike? That they race around in screaming, thundering, @T@%!!! eating herds in sombreros?

I found this out when we were caught in it. 2 hrs. 25 mins. to get from UW medical center to the light at the bottom of the ferry exit at 4th street. 10 miles. Max. Those brave urban souls in the Orange County area may brave such commutes on a daily basis, but we were blindsided.

Be enthusiastic. Live life to the fullest. Get out of my @#%@^! way, I have to go to the bathroom!!

My mom had to admit that the sight of a dozen plus drunk men and women painted red, white, and green staggering down the center lane of the off ramp was enough to take her mind off of the cancer for a time. I'll take that for an upside to the whole day.


shagin

If you're going to San Francisco...

Gywn and Lori and Jan...if you're doing tea or whatever on Friday, I might be available to join y'all in the festivities. Please keep me informed, thanks. Lori and I were trying to get together months ago to talk skiffy and Ellison and so forth, but then she fell off the edge of the earth (well, a couple of my e-mails went unanswered, and the telephone number she gave me only produced a fax tone...) and my life then got complicated with work. So now that I know there are at least two Webderlanders living here in Fog City, it would be great to meet both of you, with the added pleasure of entertaining of our globe trotting friend.

To everybody else out there, please check this out. Another Webderlander flew through here months ago, and I tried to free some time to spend with him, but he announced his visit just too darn late and I was stuck running to an important last minute meeting that could have been avoided altogether if I had had some earlier warning. Folks, I don't have a job. I don't answer to an employer. Like Harlan, I work for myself, and that means I really work every day and all sorts of hours. I can't "call in sick" at the last moment when somebody shows up. If there's work to be done, it needs to be done NOW, otherwise I wouldn't be doing it at all! I don't have the luxury of walking away from it. Again, like Harlan...he knows. So please, I'd LOVE to spend time with any Webderlanders who wish to visit here, and I can show you all sorts of things in this great town (I'm a second generation native, lived her all my 51 years, and, trust me, I KNOW this darn place!), but I gotta know at least a week in advance that you're coming so I can straighten out my life for that time. Drop me a line, send up smoke signals, throw me a dang bone, but give me some warning. Honestly, I can show you a wonderful time here. San Francisco has sooooo much history and art and culture and intrinsic beauty. Consider yourself welcome to my time and hospitality, but PLEASE let me know well in advance.

David

Elitism, and the price of tea in China
TONY: I wasn't wondering how you felt about Harlan and his views on being an elitist: I was pushing your buttons in order to point out that the sentence you wrote --
"I'm not going to go scrounging through decades of newspaper and magazine back files to get numbers on this, but it's my impression that the people who get called 'elitist' like it's a dirty name are the ones who are condescending about it." --
In my own, sweet little way -- full of cupidity and cupcakes -- I was a'pointin out that that there sentence was loaded with dynamite (or stuffed full of wild blueberries). To wit: just because one person calls someone elitist doesn't mean the target of their words is necessarily condescending; AND, these days, in these times of "Fox News Rules The Way We All Report The 'News'", anything outside what Rupert Murdoch and his minions consider mainstream is also labeled elitist. Mostly because (to beat the same damn, dirty steeekin horse I always beat), the mass of men and women are willfully ignorant and easily maniupulated into believing that ANYone who doesn't stroke their dicks or clits while saying they are good Amerricuns, is, in fact, an elitist/commie/pinko/fag/pervo/socialist/atheist/etc.

Although I'm a father who would _still_ pull his daughter out of harm's way before trying to save ANYone else's life (be it Madame Curie or Albert Einstein), I wholeheartedly agree with Harlan's point of view, and have for a long time now. In fact, I'm much harsher in my viewpoint of most people -- especially 21st Century Americans -- most of whom I find to be clueless, reality-TV watching, advertisement-driven consumers who place more importance in celebrities, sports figures, man-made superstitious rites and the latest form of electronic entertainment than they do in science, the world around them, history, the arts and their own children.

And by the way: I wrote what I wrote tongue-in-cheek, so don't get riled up, and take care to keep your panties unwadded. Which means your worrying about what I said regarding Harlan hasn't got a thing to do with the price of tea -- or the cost of freedom -- in China.

LORI: Thanks for taking what I wrote in the semi-silly spirit in which it was written. I'm gonna give you a pass on the DTS vs. DST thing, since I wrestle with dyslexia and ADD, and often have words rearrange themselves before my very eyes (or thoughts try to drag me in different directions while I'm trying to finish a coherent...LOOK AT THE PRETTY BUTTERFLY! Where was I?)

ALL: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, while typing missives on his site, I bet another writer (and former friend) that Hilary Clinton would be the next President. Although there is a bit of doubt thrown into that statement now (after Dubya was _legally_ elected the 2nd time round, I decided there's no wit or wisdom to the American electorate)...where was I? Oh yeah! Although I have a few doubts as to whether or not an Democrat will actually be put back in the Catbird seat, I DO feel that Hilary Clinton will be the Democratic nominee. Why? NOT because she is the better of the two candidates (and more's the pity, since she is our first viable, female presidential candidate), but because she says what needs to be said to win. She won't come close to telling the truth (as Obama has, on at least two ocassions), and therefore I think she'll win the approbation of the masses, who still prefer the illusions that exalt, over even half-a-dozen yearly truths.

With cheers (but little joy),
DTS

Night Sky
Although I believe someone posted here before about the Astronomy Picture of the Day, I still want to urge you fine folks to check out the picture for today (if you are reading this later just click the back arrow to 4-16). I have seen pictures like this of the sky before but they are usually from a hundred years ago or an observatory telescope or the Australian outback. In fact I just showed the picture to Connie and her first response was "Is that from the outback?". No, this picture is from 2 weeks ago, just outside of Flagstaff:

http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/astropix.html

Read the text. Imagine if all of North America (or at least a state or 2, perhaps the 4 corners) had considered what Flagstaff had the incredible foresight and courage to do 50 years ago. If everyone could go out on a clear night and see such a sight. Of course to do so now would probably take such measures as “Welcome to Las Vegas, America’s first domed city. Remember, what happens under the dome stays under the dome.”

Was it something I said?
DTS:
The context was politics and politicians, specifically Obama's current foot-in-mouth problem, and so I should have said "politicians" instead of "people" in reference to those who get called elitist like it's a dirty name. But since you wondered if I'm calling Harlan condescending, let's talk about Harlan for a moment. If I get anything wrong here, I'm sure he'll let me know. Just read Harlan's post on elitism -- he's said much of this before. Harlan is an elitist, and has been for at least the 40 years I've been reading his work. And that's peachy -- it's good to be an elitist. Harlan is NOT condescending. I cannot recall Harlan making a comment that suggested that all us rubes in flyover country were too dense to understand our own lives and actions. He doesn't come across like someone who thinks that you can't be expected to grasp life's subtleties and nuances and therefore you need The Great Writer or, God help us, The Great Politician to make sense of it all and do your thinking for you. Does Harlan openly challenge his audiences? Sure. But Harlan does NOT come across as believing that his audiences can't be expected to understand the world around them.


David:
I don't recall the source of that line -- you say it's Harlan's? Maybe so. But I must be getting senile faster than I thought, because for the life of me I don't see where you get the idea that I'm putting a negative spin on that line because Harlan said it. There is in fact no negative spin on that line intended. Perhaps I should have put quotes around elitist throughout my post? Must post...more...carefully.


Bests to all,

--tr

I really enjoyed our little get together yesterday. It was great to see folks I chat with online as actual 3D critters with real brains.

Of course, I was more than a little nervous showing up at a place to meet with people I'd (for the most part) never met before. But then I realized that no one knew ME, either!!

I had a little performance anxiety in front of Tanja's camera, but I quickly got over it. I viewed the video through slitted fingers, dreading the scenes I happened to be in. I wonder if Jack Nicholson ever had that problem.

The "selfish reason" I chose Cafe 50's: The sweet potato fries! Right, Jan? ;)

Great little dinner party at Cafe 50s
I enjoyed meeting you, Jan, Tanya and Duane and it was good to see you again, Steve. The food was great, too, more calories more enjoyably consumed than is usual for me. All in all, a lot of fun, good conversation, terrific people.

Harlan, take care and get well soon. That flu is a tough virus. Watch a comedy or two--laughter's good for the immune system.

Are you better, Harlan? I had the flu earlier this year.

Barber, 2 1/2 hours? Wasn't it 1 1/2? My watch stopped yesterday at some point but it was never 2 1/2. Maybe that's why it felt so short to you. I felt I had barely sat down when the whole party broke up and everybody ran away in their seperate directions. Good meeting all of you, though! It's interesting that we were all quite different from each other (jobs, age, gender). The Cafe 50s was great even though it turned out Duane suggested it for purely selfish reasons!! (Tanja, as usual I can't watch your video on these public computers. Steve, I'll send you the photo in a week or so for possible publication.)

Note on elections: They are driving me crazy. I want to escape. Your process takes so long it can only be unhealthy.

Gwyn: How do you even know which hostel I will be in? How do you know I love tea? It's true. And the hostel is at Union Square. I'll be very happy to see you and Lori at your convenience. No wonder you couldn't come yesterday - I didn't realize you live in SF. For some reason I thought it was Pasadena. I was last in SF in '88.

Jan

We do understand that there are elitists, then there are elites-- people put in charge to watch the rat cage, there to keep us in line. The miserly lot who run the economic system, political system, intellectual thought channels and the like. These are the bad elites. Doctor Peter aint Pinocchio.

You know me. Harlan's rant will be all over the net by sundown.

-----------

Noam Chomsky is better then the lot of you. hehe.

The Mad Hatter's Tea Party
Bravo Harlan!!! Equality under the law -- absolutely. Equality when some have "tightened up their game", honed their skills, or just been born with genius -- well, that's just how the dice fall in life. I would though, like to hope that genius doesn't preclude indifference to the suffering of others. (And I'm not talking (oh boy am I going to get slammed for this) stuff like Mother Theresa's "work" in Calcutta, which Chris Hitchens has so thoroughly deconstructed.)

What I'm thinking about when I type this is Billie Holiday using her "elite" status to popularize "Strange Fruit"; Harlan's camping out in a trailer to protest when (was it Arizona? -- I don't have access to my Ellison books right now) the state in which he was speaking didn't ratify the ERA; Einstein's speaking out against the use of atomic weapons and his role in their creation; Josephine Baker's work in the French Resistance and in the Civil Rights Movement...the list goes on.

Jan and Lori -- Since we're all in San Francisco -- May I invite you both for tea on Thurs., Friday, or Saturday? You may have to roll me up in the teapot and bowl me down the hill, but all-in-all, I think we will have a splendid time together. :-) Jan, I know a wonderful place for tea that is very close to your hostel! Please e-mail me via the forum e-mail and we can set up the particulars. I am also at your service as tour guide, crazed hedgehog (Dinsdale...Dinsdale...!), and general factotum.

with flourishes and bows,
Gwyn

Harlan, your eloquence astounds me, good sir.

Earl, I know you said that you would not hold Obama's remarks against him and that you would be voting for a Democrat this Fall, but I do take issue with one part of your posting where you stated that Obama believes he is a member of the ruling class.

When considering the appropriateness or arrogance of "Bittergate", I would urge you to listen to Obama's speech in toto. He talks at length about the hopelessness of inner city kids and about problems within the African American community. In short, the sound bytes you hear on network TV ain't telling the whole story.

Were his words particularly well chosen? No, not really, but when viewed in the context of the rest of his speech they make more sense. While it is not being overtly stated, the fact that a black man was criticizing rural Americans is very much in the subtext.

This incident, combined with the whispering campaign against Obama in the Jewish community that he is anti-Israel, make me wonder if he has much of a chance to be elected, even though he is by far the best presidential candidate we have seen in years.

Well said Mr Ellison.

Some of us logorrheic types have been having just this discussion over at the Other Place.

The truly disturbing thing about Hillary is that she tells lies even when she doesn't have to. Art for art's sake I guess.

Correction
DST

I realized my mistake about the same time my pinkie hit the enter button.

I do my best to stick to the one post a day rule, so I couldn't go back and mea culpa untill today!

So, with that in mind, I do so solemely swear to spend at least a day thinking before posting anything! That's better than reading carefuly IMHO!

Lori

Justa say hallo.
Just dropping in to say a fond hello to HE & S, from me anda the luvly and exciting Sarah Poston Willis. It's been a longa time, I say hello you, I hope you good. See you soon.

RA

POLITICAL ELITISM
Obama's remarks about bitter small-town voters have nothing to do with the value to humanity of Jonas Salk, Nelson Mandela, or Ursula LeGuin. They have everything to do with trying to get money at a political fund-raiser, which required Obama to "truckle to the prejudices" of the wealthy San Franciscans who attended.

But even though I have been underwhelmed with Obama as a candidate, I can't fault him for these remarks. Even if he was sincere and not just pandering, he thinks of himself as a member of the ruling class, and I assume many in that class, Democrat or Republican, have something like that kind of an attitude toward SOMEbody; it's something for them to cling to in difficult times. If I decided not to vote for any candidate who displayed elitist tendencies, I don't know what kind of a choice I'd be left with. Some may question his political IQ for making such remarks at all, but I can't blame him for thinking he was safe from being outed in an audience of people who paid handsomely for the privilege of being in the same room with him.

Now that the remarks are out they will be politically costly. I have no idea how costly; in other circumstances I might say a candidate who has performed as poorly as Obama has rendered himself unelectable, but fortunately for him the other two are stumbling just as badly. And there is plenty of time for more stumbles from all of them. In politics, as in war, the winner is not always the smartest or the strongest or the bravest or the noblest; often the winner is the one who makes the fewest costly mistakes. (FWIW, I'll be voting for the Democrat. Whoever.)

Sorry for the second
From the pipeline column on CBR:
LAST WEEK'S TOP TEN LIST
3. "Harlan Ellisons Watching" TP Novel

I've been looking forward to this book for years. I know Ellison did movie and TV "reviews" once upon a time. I know there was once a book that collecting those writings. I've just never found it. I'm guessing it's been out of print for a long time. Now, though, thanks to Dark Horse, I finally have my chance.

How did I miss this? I order books every month for a library branch, darn it!

BARNEY!!! MAKE SURE YOU GET THAT ONE FOR "Yr Pal, Harlan"!!!
_______________________________________________

What Harlan said, obviously. I would add the observation that his comments differentiate between the concept that the Elite do the work of mankind and therefore Elitism is something for which we ought to ourselves aspire, versus someone who considers themselves to be better than others and is LABELED an "Elitist". (This latter brings to mind the famous Inigo Montoya quote "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.")
_____________________________________________

Thanks Tanja -- I'll look forward to watching the video tonight. I had a great time with y'all at Cafe 50s! Woohoo! And to Duane, Laurie and Jan as well. Good talk. It's amazing we were there so long (2 1/2 hours?!?!?)

Well done.

RE:Elitism by HE
Well-said, good sir. The truth shall set you free.

But, Unca Harlan, WHO will you be voting for?

Harlan...beautiful post.

Thank you for committing time to that instead of the Seaview!

Yer Aspiring Elitist,
Rob

ELITISM

Politicians endlessly seek the acceptance of the widest swath of constituency. That's how they stay in power. Thus, they must endlessly pretend to buy into whatever massmind tenets hold sway at that instant. They know very well -- as does even the dullest among us who is paying even minimal attention -- that (as Will & Ariel Durant so perfectly put it in THE LESSONS OF HISTORY) "Freedom and equality are sworn and mutual enemies. And where one prevails, the other perishes."

Concomitant: not all people are equal.

Equal before the Law ... ABSOLUTELY! No discussion, no contrariwise, no exceptions. Equal. Absolutely equal.

In reality? Quite another res ipsa loquitor. Common sense, common observation, common experience lead all but Faith-Blinkered deniers of the received universe to understand and accept (and to be CHALLENGED BY) the reality that Some People are Better than Others. I've said this before, I'll say it again and again and again: you cannot convince me that when Jackie Robinson was running the basepaths, that he was not BETTER than anyone else; that Herman Melville was not BETTER; Eleanor Roosevelt, Enrico Fermi, Ludwig von Beethoven, John Simon, Dorothy Parker -- flat-out better; Peggy Lee, Sojourner Truth, Albert Einstein, Winston Churchill, Stephen Jay Gould, Norman Corwin, Fangio, Tiger Woods, Eero Saarinen, Ambrose Bierce, Copernicus, Jane Addams, David Hume, Michelangelo...

Better.

Smarter, faster, clearer-thinking, more in tune with the music of the spheres and the commonality of the human experience. Good and smart and caring. More valuable to the human race. Worth more than a million "celebrities." Simply: Better.

And so, we should ALL strive to be Elitist, to pay homage only to those among us, however noted or humble, known or unassuming, DO THE WORK OF THE WORLD. They are the Elite; and if ANYone seeks to demonize the word, even if it's a cynical presidential hopeful, playing the egalitarian down-home just-folks ignorance card, we should flay them.

As Bertolt Brecht has written, "He who laughs has simply not heard the bad news."

We live in parlous times. We need serious men and women who will be brave enough to tell the truth, not merely truckle to the prejudices and bigotries of the groundlings.

This has been my Manifesto.

I will not be voting for Hillary Clinton. She made my mind up for me herself. Say "anything" to win is not a quality I revere in a President; we've had eight years of that; and Clinton years before THAT.

Harlan Ellison

----------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright 2008 by The Kilimanjaro Corporation. With this notice
the above may be circulated as you wish.
----------------------------------------------------------------

doublepost for grammaticals

That should be "...I would very much appreciate it IF THEY WOULD SHARE."

I swear my brain usedta woik...

My feeble brain

Can anyone help me remember a line that (I believe) Harlan quoted in one of his essays?

I cannot remember who Harlan was quoting, nor can I remember the exact quote, but this an approximation from memory:

(On the writer as abstract personage)
"He is involved in the long process of committing his life to paper."

If anyone knows, off the top of their head, the correct quote and citation, I would very much appreciate it. I've been racking my brains and I Just. Can't. Remember.

clear communication (and reception)

Tony Rabig wrote:

:: I can't remember where I ran across this line: "I don't
:: mind if you think I'm stupid, but don't talk to me like
:: you think I'm stupid." Being an elitist is one thing.
:: Being a condescending elitist is another thing altogether,
:: and an offensive one at that.

I think you're reading far too much into the request. What you've interpreted as the content may indeed lie BEHIND what was said -- it depends on the person and the situation -- but on the face of it, what was said here is something any reasonable human being should have the right to expect.

All it's saying is: You may think whatever you like of me, but at least TREAT me with a modicum of human decency and respect.

In other words, would you have put such a negative spin on the above quotation if almost anyone besides Harlan Ellison had said it? Be honest, now.

P.S.
Hey Steve...BTW...I really do know how to use an apostrophe. Really!

spell check
DAMN! Make that, you're, not your
(I obviously _don't_ use spell check).
-DTS

Elitism
LORI: Go back and read Frank's post a little more carefully. In fact, your assignment from here on out, for the rest of your life, is to read...more... carefully!
TONY R: You, my man, are making people in Kansas seem like bible thumping creationists who wholeheartedly reject Darwin's theory about survival of the fittest, not to mention evolution (two different things, which most people never quite get).
Waitaminute. It may be too late to roll back that reputation.
Check your syntax and sentence structure my Midwestern brother from another mother. Unless, of course, your saying that Harlan is condescending, since he has, after all, been "called 'elitist' like it's a bad word."

Yours in spell check and careful reading,
DTS

Webderlanders Unite
After missing other webderlanders at Pink's a few weeks ago we finally managed to lock it down at Cafe 50's. I've caught it on tape! Please note the special sentiments to Unca Harlan:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12F0vm3TS0A

This video is not available for embedding. If you want to download you're own copy, I've used a private file sharing service. Nooooooo it's not BitTorrent. Sheesh.

You can download it here: http://drop.io/webderland/login

The password is the same for posting to the Art Deco Dining Pavilion. If you don't remember, ping me.

Great to meet everybody finally! Let's do it again real soon!

I can't remember where I ran across this line: "I don't mind if you think I'm stupid, but don't talk to me like you think I'm stupid." Being an elitist is one thing. Being a condescending elitist is another thing altogether, and an offensive one at that. I'm not going to go scrounging through decades of newspaper and magazine back files to get numbers on this, but it's my impression that the people who get called "elitist" like it's a dirty name are the ones who are condescending about it. (Whether some of these people have a resume of accomplishment that would in fact mark them as elite is another question.)

Bests to all,

--tr

fantastic
There's a bone in my escape plan, and it's named Silvio Berlusconi.

A few things....
Frank: Didn't Harlan write something about elitism, and how it's not a bad thing? Obama is IMHO, no more eliteist than most of us. I don't think just because he's got a high profile gives anyone the right to give him heck...

Jan, just for convinience sake, you may wanna Have Susan send that book to your Germany Address. If she mailed it on Monday, it should be here by Friday, but I wouldn't take any chances!

and last but not least

Gweneth: Just in case you missed my post in the forum, I'd like to have you email me. Just use the attached email addy, and put the letters HE in the subject line. I've been looking of San Francisco HE fans for a bit now, and would love to meet you in person!

Love and lots of choclate

Lori

HARLAN -- Not a problem.


S.

Great! Signed, not personalized. You will have about $13 credit with me, okay?

Jan Schliecker, c/o Adelaide Hostel, 5 Isadora Duncan Lane, San Francisco, CA, 94102

On Monday I fly back here: Alteburger Str. 338, 50968 Cologne, Germany

Thanks in advance and too bad one of them got lost!!

SANDRA:

The copies of WEIRD TALES blew in just today. My gratitude.

Harlan

Brad Bird on
Ollie Johnston

http://tinyurl.com/45xzbq

The Warsaw Ghetto Uprising
"Marek Edelman, the last surviving commander of the 1943 uprising in the Warsaw ghetto by a handful of scrappy, poorly armed Jews against the Nazi army, becomes emotional when he speaks of the fighters he led.

"I remember them all — boys and girls — 220 altogether, not too many to remember their faces, their names," says the 89-year-old doctor, who still works in a Lodz hospital. Edelman will lay a wreath in their honor at the Monument to the Heroes of the Ghetto on Saturday, the 65th anniversary of the uprising."

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080415/ap_on_re_eu/warsaw_ghetto_leader

I will definitely take a moment on Saturday to contemplate upon the hero's of the Warsaw Ghetto. Someone should do a movie on them. Just please, not Spielberg. Unless it has to be him or nobody.

KOS

Last of Disney's "Nine Old Men" Passes
Ollie Johnston, 95. He animated "Bambi", "Snow White", "Fantasia", and many others.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/Movies/04/15/obit.johnston.ap/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

One of my instructors at the Joe Kubert School during the 80s was the late Milt Neill, who worked under Johnston and singled him out as the best of the Nine. R.I.P.

Shagin, Mike and Gwyneth--confirmed. Thank you.

Jan--Let me know your address and I'll send out another copy. With our compliments.

Susan

SUSAN: Please hold a copy of NO DOORS, NO WINDOWS and ELLISON WONDERLAND for me. Signed copies would be wonderful, but are not required. A check for $44.00 is heading your way either today or tomorrow as reality allows.

***

HARLAN & SUSAN: Did you receive the Weird Tales copies via UPS? I'm butting heads with the gordian knot that is Wildside Press customer service.

***

My mother and I head to the University of Washington tomorrow to meet with the urologist, anesthesiologist, and make a second attempt at a MRI. The questions of remaining kidney function, and possible metastatization to the liver will hopefully be answered at that point. Optimism reigns surpreme save for the shadowy folds of black crepe smothering the foundations of her self esteem. My hope is that I can keep her from giving everything away "since I'm not going to need it anyway."


Sandra

SUSAN: Since my copy of DREAMS with SHARP TEETH didn't arrive, how about we split the loss and you send me a new copy to my San Francisco hostel? It would have to arrive by Saturday. (Not sure how quick the mail is over here nor how much money it saves us.) Would give you the address later today.
Jan

Books - Yes!
Susan, please hold for me one copy each of The Glass Teat, Ellison Wonderland, and Web of the City.

Check for $94 on its way

Mike

Thank you, Susan. :)
Hi, Susan,
Yippie!!! :-D
Yes, please do hold the copy of Strange Wine for me. Thank you very much! :-)
I'm looking forward to getting that copy of the order form and will send it in with payment when I receive it, if that is O.K.?
Wishing you and Harlan peace, joy, kindness, love, freedom, friendship, and fun on this beautiful sunny day,
Gwyneth M905

Elitism is the new evil word. Cower under your blankets folks, Obama may think small town America may not be rocket scientists--fancy that. Hide the children, alert the press, Elitism is creeping into the hearts of mankind one Obama smirk at a time.

These people don't seem to understand a simple fact: we would all still be living in caves if not for elitist people who built us a way forward. Sure, some of it leads to the atom bomb, but air conditioning is nice.

Three cheers for the elitists. Expecting betterment of mankind is not that evil.

My apologies for violating the two-in-one-day rule. Some of the good people here have done the online work I requested.

Much thanks to them.

Tony

SAMWISE FOLLOW UP
Received your order. Do you want your books signed to you?

All best--Susan

HE BOOKS
Gwyneth:

I do have a copy of STRANGE WINE (Warner Books-PB) available @ $20.00 plus tax & shipping. Would you like me to hold it for you? A book order form is in the mail to you.

I also have a FEW (number of copies are indicated)others in mint condition including:

(6) STRANGE WINE $20.00
(3) APPROACHING OBLIVION (First Edition-Hardcover) $100.00
(7) THE GLASS TEAT (First Edition - Paperback) $50.00
(3) NO DOORS, NO WINDOWS (Paperback-Pyramid) $20.00
(5) ELLISON WONDERLAND (Paperback - Signet) $20.00
(11) WEB OF THE CITY (Paperback - Pyramid) $20.00
(5) GENTLEMAN JUNKIE (Paperback - Pyramid) $20.00

If you would like to put a hold on the books, just give your name on the board. As usual. postage: 1-3 books $4.00. 4 or more books $6.00. CA Residents please add 8 1/4%. Checks are made payable to: THE KILIMANJARO CORPORATION. HE will sign, if requested.

Many thanks--Susan

Online Help Request
Harlan, Rick...if this is out of line, feel free to remove it.

I could use any Internet wranglers in the Webderland to help me track down some bad folk who truly deserve to have all sorts of criminal and civil fire descend on them.

If you can help, contact me via e-mail.

Tony Isabella

Hey Roger...Thanks for the info. Geee, you mean Amazon is mistaken with their page count, how unusual (he says with tongue firmly planted in cheek)! Sounds like a nice edition and I'll place an Amazon order.

Mike J., Good observation about book stores vs. internet shopping. Funny thing, when I was in Borders, a woman asked to speak to the manager because she was reluctant about purchasing a gift card because she heard Borders was in financial straits. At first, I thought she had some bad info, but the manager confirmed that Borders has financial issues (all public record he said), but they have enough capital to continue operating through at least the end of the year.

I have always held that anyone who needed to *point out* that what they do is "art" (i.e.: The Artful Writer) were usually not very artistic.
_________________________________________

Yes, indeed, a group of us miscreants are gathering at Cafe 50s this e'en at 7:30-ish (I may be there earlier). You will recognize us by the bright jaunty yellow DREAM CORRIDOR bound edition I intend to display on our table.

11623 Santa Monica Blvd. (7 blocks west of the 405 Fwy).
_________________________________________

It's a serious caffeine day. Cris' CD is in the mastering phase, and I finally abandoned the studio at 9:30 last night (needing to arise at 5am this morning -- ugh).

Cris didn't get home until 3:20am. (This is why I'm only a roadie.)

On the other hand it's an exciting time. John Vestman, who is mastering the thing, at one point rather abruptly turned away, wiping at his eyes, then saying "Goddamn... it's been a long time since a song made me tear up!"

Yeesss!

Sleuth Part Deux
Thomas McKelvey Cleaver.

Wrote "Saigon Commandos" for Roger Corman.

It was all there in black and white. If you knew where to look!

I ought to work for the NSA.

Further Deponent Sayeth Not.

Sidney Lemonkrantz, Citizen and Miscreant Critic

Harlan Don't You Ever Get Tired......

It's always something, well keep fighting the good fight. This Mazin fellow who Josh mentions must be some awful kind of "Artful Writer" if he came up with "Superhero Movie".

I read recently Brent Spiner who plays a part in the thing, call it a terrible movie and usually these guys wait a while until the bag the shit out of something they were in.

Well Best to All,
Jarod Hitchcock

Gack. Somehow a paragraph got lost in there.

On the subject of TC - the name seems familiar, and I think he's one of the regular toadies that Mazin attracts to the site. The dead giveaway being the part where he talks about the woeful failures of Harlan's approach to the business - and life - and lauds the success of Mazin. Mazin has succeeded at exactly one thing - he gets paid well. Believe me, it's far, far, far more difficult to write well than to get paid well in this town. As Harlan has done both, AND created a body of work that will be here long after all of us have shuffled, it's safe to say that only in the hallucinatory confines of The Artful Writer would anyone consider being one of seventy three writers on Fart Movie 6 to constitute success. And in that TC is such a person, you dignify his existence by responding to his ignorant rantings.

Ay yi yi.

Of all the things I don't expect or want to stumble across in this haven, the words "the Artful Writer" top the list.

I can't argue with your response to the idiot, Harlan, but it's frustrating, because I know it'll just increase the traffic to that idiotic site.

Artful Writer is run by a guy who is from what I politely call "the other tribe." There are people who come to Hollywood because they burn to tell stories in film, who actually look at what they do as a form of art, and who have a voice with which to tell their tale.

Then there are the no-talent hacks, usually culled from the world of marketing, people who've identified an exploitable market and proceed to exploit it. Craig Mazin, the shemp who runs the Artful Writer is their king, a man with a whole host of gang written fart joke orgies to his name, who runs the site for the sole purpose of his own aggrandizement. The one thing he does well is play the media, as he spent the duration of the WGA strike doing two things - A) not actually striking, as he was too busy directing his latest cinematic atrocity, and B) giving interviews to the media about what the effects of the strike were on working writers.... Oh, and occasionally tossing off unfounded rumors about how badly the strike was being run, rumors which would invariably end up being used by the AMPTP in their PR against us. He was, of course, one of the cringers who urged us to take the DGA deal. What a surprise.

Anything you read over there has an agenda, and it's invariably a grotesque and ignoble one. I've sworn the place off, as every time I popped up there to call the grotty little worm by his proper name, the traffic went way up, and that's kinda counterproductive. No doubt, Harlan's comments will have a similar - more likely larger - effect, and the site will live a bit longer than it would have otherwise.

That said, I understand why you'd feel the need to respond to the idiot TC, and I can't say I'd let similar bullshit about me slide, but it's a shame the fucker will get the benefit of your presence over there.

Re: Your response to TCinLA
It's now posted on The Artful Writer blog.

Mr. Church's last post
FRANK: According to your Peneometer, I don't fit the Liberal OR Progressive molds. Furthermore, if your next statement declares that Conservatives run around wielding out of control erections, I plan to shoot you and then cut off my dick (damned if I'll let physiology stand in the way of political & sociological common sense).
-DTS

HARLAN ASKS A BOON OF WILLIAM B.

As I am not logged on to go to that Artful Writer website, would you kindly please post this, as from me, over there?

Thank you, if you can do it. And thank you even if you can't.
----------------------------------------------------------------
HARLAN ELLISON REPLIES:

Though I know who "tcinla" is, he may have known who I am for forty years, but he is not a friend. Not for 30 years. If he were even remotely a person known to me but casually, he would not have made all the grotesque StarTrek fan-boy errors in his post. Errors so egregious, and so easily avoided, and so easily refuted, that I will only itemize a dozen.

1. I never won a Writers Guild Laurel Award. (I don't think tc even knows what the Laurel Award is given for.)

2. The WGAw awards I have won--and as far as I know, I'm the only writer in the long history of the Guild tv awards to win FOUR for SOLO WORK--include one for "City on the Edge of Forever" but not the spavined, emasculated, dumbed-down version "tc" is in love with. I won the award for my ORIGINAL VERSION, which was judged by my peers as the Most Outstanding Dramatic-Episodic Teleplay of that year.

3. "City" never won a Nebula, you nitwit. They didn't even HAVE a category for media writing till two decades later. Whattan idiot!

4. I never picked up the Hugo for "City"? Then who was the guy up there at the WorldCon who picked up that one, and the short story Hugo at the same time. You ultramaroon. If you're such a close 30-year friend, don't you think you'd've SEEN the goddam Hugo for "City" sitting on a file cabinet here in my office with all 7 and a half others I've won, where it's been gathering dust since the night of its presentation till present, which is about forty years?

5. If you'd ever read my "City" -- which has been continually in print -- my version not the aired crap version -- you wouldn't be repeating YET AGAIN the totally refuted claim that I glorified drugs, had Scotty selling drugs, that the bad guy gets away with it blah blah blah -- all of which is the bullshit that Roddenberry repeated endlessly un til the day he died, though anyone who has read one of the more than 90,000 copies of the book that have been selling for decades, knows none of that ever appears in my script.

5a. The final fate of the "bad guy" in my version has him trapped in a moebiuslike wormhole wherein he manifests in a star just going nova, vanishes, reappears, burns to death again, vanishes, reappears, burns to death...on an endless eternal loop. He is condemned to die everlastingly, over and over, for all eternity there in the nexus of the time-lines. So whaddaya think, you parvenu piss-ant, ya think I let the "bad guy" get away with it? Yeah, close friend, 30-40 years. Yeah. Yo mama.

6. His name, my close friend, was Gene L. Coon, not Coontz. But then, you were probably as close a long-time friend of his as you are of mine.

7. "Coontz" didn't claim any credit for the script because he didn't rewrite it. Dorothy Fontana did. Or, if you want to believe Roddenberry's bullshit, HE did. But if Gene Coon was so upset--and the only record of such upset is the oft-repeated crap in StarTrek fan-books, then why said he nothing--NOTHING--when I got up, accepted the award you belittle, and said, looking straight at Roddenberry's table, "IF they try to rewrite you...kill them."

8. It wasn't your Starlog article, pinhead. I brought Hemdale and James Cameron to heel for plagiarism because of Mel Torme's son, Tracy, to whom Cameron bragged on the set. It was Tracy who alerted me, and who became the "smoking gun" in the case.
And since I know who wrote that interview, well, that's how I know who you are...and the one thing you DIDN'T learn from me, was how to bsuch a crappyass writer.

9. After two terms on the WGAw Boards of Directors, and advisor to four negotiating committees, and active labor-union membership since 1962, I figure I'm about as cagey an observer of Industry machinations as anyone else. Except you, who has consistently been a weak-sister coward, whining about how we should go back to work. "tc," meet Craig Mazin. And the mook from NBC who did a fuckyou number at the beginning of last week's "My Name is Earl." Or did you miss that thumbed-nose, too, Mr. Accurate.

10. / 11. / 12. Because of our closeness, old chum old pal old amigo, let me tell you flat out that MY friends don't need to hide out behind internet incognitos. You are a yellow whining Uriah Heep asskissing hack, and I will be available 24/7 to say that to your face ... AND to give you the first shot, left hand or right, free and clear.

Just between us old pals.

As for your "affection" for me and my work, kiddo: I'd be glad to have it, except I do not seek the approbation of monkeys.

Respectfully, Harlan Ellison

Memos
Dear Harlan,

Sorry for misremembering the title, and besides that, I ought have recalled the proper spelling of "MEMOS FROM PURGATORY".

As for the erroneous posting: My mistake was in not checking and stating the facts exactly as you wrote them in "MEMOS FROM PURGATORY". Especially the Rikers Island part. My mistake. For what it's worth (i.e, Not Much) I did recall the rest of it, from the filed firing pin to the "fanboy".

As for gun control: I did not refer to "MEMOS FROM PURGATORY" in order to support my position, or anyones'. I thought it was just something "interesting" to mention, and apologize for having done so. It was an idle and pointless comment.

For what it's worth, my position on gun control is that I am in favor of it. I advocate completely banning personal handgun ownership and limiting severely the personal ownership of other firearms. I don't want to co-opt the statements of anyone to support my position.

Fanboy. Got ya. I'll keep my mouth shut about anything I don't first check and double check. My bad.

Time for me to shut my ass up.

KOS

Army and Navy

KOS:

I'm pretty sure it HAS been argued that the Constitution does not allow a standing army, the main reason being the wording of Article 1, Section 8, the pertinent part of which reads:

"(The Congress shall have power) To raise and support Armies, but no Approbation of Money to that Use shall be for a longer term than two Years."

It would not be difficult to interpret this to mean that any army raised should not be left standing indefinitely. This interpretation can be further bolstered by the fact that the very next line in the Constitution is:

"(The Congress shall have Power) To provide and maintain a Navy."

No time limits or restrictions included. Just a note, for consideration.

KOS:

You're as muddled as "tcinla."

It's MEMOS from purgatory, not "memo's."

I've never set foot on Riker's Island.

Were I you, I would find some OTHER anecdote than my brush with the law to reinforce your opinions about gun control. The "weapons" in my possession--one of which was a gun whose firing pin had not been properly filed off--were strictly visual aids used in my anti-gang lectures to kids, as sponsored by (wait for it) the Police Athletic League (PAL) in New York City. The complaint was a crank complaint and, if you'd read the book within recent memory, instead of shooting out of your ass, you'd have remembered that the NY Grand Jury tossed it out at the request of the Manhattan DA, who found out early-on it was a bogus accusation made by (wait for it) a science fiction fan-boy.

Harlan

http://artfulwriter.com/?p=345#comments

Webderland L.A. Area Meeting
Taking place, as mentioned before, tomorrow at 7:30-plus at the Cafe 50's on Santa Monica Blvd. (www.cafe50s.com/home.html). It's in the 50s that Harlan became a writer, dreaming up many of the stories that were to be included in books such as PAINGOD, GENTLEMAN JUNKIE, CHILDREN OF THE STREETS, and ELLISON WONDERLAND.
So far we have Duane, Jan, Steve, Laurie, possibly Tanja. (Gwyn has a previous engagement and can't come.)
If you are from L.A. and reading this, do join us! Strictly speaking for myself, we're all cool and beautiful.
Of course, Steve will do his best Harlan imitation and sign books.
The main aim is to discuss how to best annoy Harlan in the future since it's anger that drives him to write.
Our table will have a Venice Beach cap on top, and possibly a Harlan book, if someone remembers to bring one (Steve?). That's how latecomers can find us. (If that's not enough, Steve's Harlan imitation tends to be loud and lasts most of the evening.)
There is a thread on the Webderland forums if you have a question.
The daily special is "Twofer Twozdays - Buy one sandwich and get one free when dining with a friend, with the purchase of 2 beverages."
See you all there!
Jan

KOS,

I'm a rhetorical guy.

That's how I get myself into trouble whenever I get bored (hence, the tongue-in-cheek attention grabber I posted here several weeks ago declaring I dislike all Russians; it was sarcastic rhetoric to lead into a broader and more significant topic, yet some people dorked on me and took it literally, figuring me for a bigot. The irony, of course is that, my diatribe was aimed at condemning racist attitudes and how they get ingrained in different societies).

Now, I actually FORGOT that I used a throwaway stat like 90% of the American population was illiterate. YET, as most of the country from 1790-1880 - or thereabouts; I'm not doing the stats right now to the number - consisted of farmers, as the influx of immigrants increased, particularly from backgrounds of poverty, like so many of the Irish, as many Chinese were victims of racism and couldn't speak much English, and as only 10% of the black population (at best) were able to read, well - we're talking about a good part of the American population from early to late 19th century that couldn't read. It was also regional. Throughout the 19th century nearly in all parts of the South, literacy expanded far more gradually, than, say in New England. But, no matter what, literacy - and I'm willing to bet this - consistently and dominantly aligned with social class.

The wealthiest would most typically get a well-rounded education. The poorest wouldn't. MOST of the country throughout the 19th century, and a good part of the 20th century - and don't press me for the number right now - was NOT wealthy.

All the same, my original argument I believe is true, regardless of how loose I was with those statistical estimates: MOST people DO stick to their convictions, as you feel they should, but with little or NO research on the topic whatsoever. The majority, I would hold, have, as Harlan likes to put it, "an uninformed opinion". That's MY main point.

(By coincidence, since I brought it up, my Russian roommate, Natasha - l'see, right now my life is immersed in FOUR Natasha's who speak Russian - had her friend visiting this weekend. We had a friendly but candid conversation. Her friend, Marina, laughed when I expressed my reaction to Russian pop music. She said, "hey, it's better than Mexican music, anyway". I said, it's really practically the same, except with Russian Barry Manilows instead of Mexican Barry Manilows. She then said, "hey, listen, at least we pay our taxes" - referring to Russian immigrants; 90% of Mexicans don't pay taxes. I asked, "waitaminit! You're saying you believe 90% of Mexicans are illegal immigrants? She nodded: "Yes. Russians are also better educated than they are. We're smarter than they are. AND we give money to the government" To make this short, I asked her, "did you actually READ the statistics on this or are you just saying what you heard someone ELSE say". She admitted to the latter. I urged her to start using the Internet to confirm or research facts before making judgments. "You can't just listen to people," I told her. "You HAVE to read to know the facts"

I went on to point out the reality about MOST hispanics working their asses off to pay their taxes and vote, and that no race is smarter than another. Again: a LOT of Russians are coming over here with these views, and many do NOT check their facts but rather regurgitate quite robotically what they happen to hear.

...and MOST people do exactly the same thing. That's MY point about sticking to their convictions)

**Final work on VOYAGE.

The pilot itself was not very good. The first half is ok because of some interesting interplay between David Hedison and Eddie Albert; but the second half descends into a terrain of monotonous seemingly piecemeal montage of stock footage.

But, that aside, as I said earlier, a solid number of first season episodes are very good.