Unca Harlan's Art Deco Dining Pavilion

Archive - 3/7/2004 to 5/27/2004

Unca Harlan's Art Deco Dining Pavilion

HARLAN: Do forgive me for joining in the Happituyah Chorus a few bars late as I deliver my hopes that your 25,564th day on this earth was a very happy one.

But let me tack on an addendum: My wish that the 25,565th be even better, that the one after that be happier STILL, and so on and so on, until you are as old and as celebrated as Moses.

Happy Birthday, Harlan Ellison

Though we've met only a few times, I feel you are a friend. Your writings have inspired me over the years. So much so that a sentence from the movie "As Good As It Gets" seems to sum it up nicely:

"You make me want to be a better man."

Peace and Love and Happy Birthday!

Alan Coil

Still 5/27 in my mind
Happy Birthday, Harlan!! Thanks for all the stories and wisdom. All health and happiness to you.

HE reference in new book from Disinfo
List #57 in the newly released "Disinformation Book of Lists", written by Russ Kick, is entitled "11 Quotes About Sex".

Quote #6 on that list reads as follows:

"Love ain't nothing but sex misspelled."
- Harlan Ellison

The book can be ordered at www.disinfo.com, and Russ Kick's website (www.thememoryhole.com)is filled with bothersome information your government would rather you not be aware of.

Happy, well, you know

Harlan, the outpouring on this board is but a fraction of the appreciation and good wishes due you for your contributions to our letters and our imaginations.

"... and many, many more."

Harlan,

Best wishes on your 70th birthday. It's been more than thirty years now since "Paingod and Other Delusions" and "Dangerous Visions" grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and made an Ellison reader out of me. I continue to be beguiled by your unique fusion of profound seriousness on the one hand and a playful sense of fun on the other. Never doubt that you have created an enduring legacy through your work. Just glance around the pavilion and know that the remarkable hearts and minds that regularly gather here all bear the imprint of the Ellison corpus. May that legacy continue to grow in the coming years as your body of work continues to expand.

Steve J.

Happy Birthday, Harlan. In honour of the occasion, I'll note that Angry Candy is now the most-often-replaced book in the Stover library because when I loan it out, it never returns. And as long as I can keep finding copies of it, I'll buy more.

Though I should get friends with the same good taste but less cheapness, I suppose.

Cheers, Jon

Happy 70th Harlan:
May you continue to entertain and provoke for years to come.
Cheers, Colleen

Mr. Ellison:

Please have a very happy birthday and have many more. I really enjoyed the book Troublemakers.

Danielle Reeston

Department of Redundancy Department
Harlen: You are among that rarest and most mysterious breed of beings, elusive, more precious than diamonds and gold -- a good man and a good friend. Happy Birthday, sailor, and a zillion Howdy Doody pins.

Much Love,
Doc

Hi, I just peeked in here and lo an behold it's Mr. Harlan Ellison's birthday! Happy Birthday, Harlan! Thanks for making my world a better place.

-John

Happy Birthday!

Many Happy Returns!
A wish for a happy birthday to you, sir! May there be many, many more. Susan, does he act more like a kid the older he gets?

Stand Back....

I don't know who this impostor from Cleveland (the Mistake by the Lake) is, but all I have to say is this: GET YOURSELF INTO REHAB, YOU @#$%$^&! ALKIE!!!

Sheesh. And people wonder why I have a reputation for being crabby. Grumble grumble.

Anyway, here's a PROPER Blinky the Clown happy birthday to one of the greatest writers breathing air today:

(This is done in a very vaudevillian style - just so ya know)

Happy berf-day to you,
Tappity tappity tap....
Happy berf-day to you,
Tappity tappity tap....
Happy berf-day dear Har-lan,
Happy berf-day to you!
Tappity tappity tap-tap.

Pant-pant-Wheeezzze.

Not bad for an *pant* old fart, huh?

And to think those bastards cancelled my show back in '98. mudderfuggin' bean counters.

Blinky

Happy birthday Harlan, I hope you are having a terrific day. I'm very much looking forward to seeing you and the lovely Susan in Atlanta. Take care. Roger

THERZ A DOINZ A TRANSPIRIN'

*WELL, BLOW MAH CANDLE - HARLAN'S TURNIN' 7! HAPPENZ T'THE BEST OF US AFTER ALL!

...birthday gifts...nifty birthday gifts...since he already has so many fuckin' toys I dunno WHAT to get him! Maybe I could pass off this empty 2 lb. container of Alta Dena Low Fat Cottage Cheese I have sitting here. It even says, "Does not contain the growth hormone rBST"; now, you can't beat THAT. I'll just push it as a novelty item. Yeah. Yeah, that'll work. I'll get this thing wrapped and shot in the mail right away! Thank god THAT was easy.

...and guess who ELSE Harlan is sharing a birthday with: Godzilla!

In response to his anniversary, they are re-releasing the original 1956 Japanese cut, Gojira, in theaters across the country...and I iz very interested in seein' that. THIS was the ACCURATE account of the Lucky Dragon Incident.

(BTW, I happen to be a total sucker for the scene of Japan’s youth praying for peace juxtaposing Dr. Sarizawa's reluctant decision to use his devastating weapon; genuinely beautiful. The composer on that film was brilliant. Even the great isolated ominous footsteps effect of the beast was actually part of the music score)

***ANIMALS! ANIMALS! ANIMALS!

A comment about the film ANATOMY OF A MURDER, which I'd looked at again recently: In an early scene there is a heavy-duty phallic rivalry between Jimmy Stewart - try to imagine that! - and Ben Gazzara; Stewart, who plays a talented attorney, plugs a loooooooooooong see-gar in his mouth and stretches a wide "cocky" grin across his face as he drills his violent, gruff client with questions (at this point they're playing mind games with each other), in effect, suggesting Gazzara's imposed impotence, i.e., jail - his helplessness to "jump into action", as he'd always been used to - against Stewart's imagined opportunities he now has with Gazzara's tormentingly sexy wife (the stir of Gazzara's anxiety and jealous rage).

This point occurred to me last night when I lost the chance to hit on one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen in school. I felt very much like Gazzara, unable to do a damn thing about it.

Life sucks!

Happy Birthday
One more voice pinging in the chorus, maybe slightly off key but with heart : Happy Birthday To You, and best wishes for many more!

Birthdays and regime changes
Well of course, HAPPY BIRTHDAY Harlan. I'm sure you have only reached this advanced state so the annual ritual spanking from Susan goes on that much longer. Make sure to give him that one extra one for luck for me Susan. ;-)

Still haven't found that PERFECT Rod McKuen Hallmark card but when I do I'll be sure it wings its belated way to you. Should arrive in about as timely a fashion as the BLB's did.

*************************************************************

While I'm here, have some tasty links on me from my good friend Kenton.

See you all in the Ministry of Information interrogation rooms.
Tap twice if it's you and you still have some of your teeth. ;-)

- Barney
--------------------------------------------------------

Kenton Sem wrote:

Al Gore gave a brilliant speech yesterday that let Team Smirk have it with both barrels. CSPAN has been repeating it, so if you get a chance to watch it, do so! He eloquently states the detestable facts, along with plenty of quotes from the ever-growing list of generals and other military personnel, extremely knowledgeable and now ex-advisors, etc., who decry in no uncertain terms the bungling, arrogant, Machiavellian "tactics" of the regime under the first non-
elected U.S. President.

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?
tmpl=story&ncid=578&e=11&u=/nm/20040526/pl_nm/iraq_gore_dc

He even touches upon born-again Dubya's pinheaded fundamentalist
vision for world domination (the Crusades are mentioned, and not as a joke) and the fact that the current regime is dismantling the system of checks and balances that actually has kept this country from becoming one nation under Darth Vader for a couple of centuries.

I especially like the part where he rails against crucifying those idiotic soldiers (however much they deserve it) for instituting pro-torture policies set by the administration. He doesn't call for Dubya, Rummy, Condy, etc. to be tried as war criminals right along side of Sadaam as he should, but at least Gore calls for their resignation.

Now if only Kerry has the guts to make a similar speech.

Oh, by the way, one of the major headlines this morning on CNN was who was winning on American Idol. Maybe this country deserves Team Smirk after all...

- Kenton

The Gore transcript from yesterdays speech;

Transcript:
http://www.algoredemocrats.com/

Impeach Bush, Nader says
The New York Times [article cut]

http://www.iht.com/bin/print.php?file=521793.html

And one more for good measure...

Noam Chomsky says:
"If George Bush were to be judged by the standards of the Nuremberg Tribunals, he'd be hanged."
But what does he know?
http://informationclearinghouse.info/article6235.htm

Also...
More photos and video of prison abuse:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5032107/
Check out the pic of Brig. Gen. Janis Karpinski.
She truly is the Princess of Darkness!

Don't worry Rumsfeld is on the job:
Rumsfeld bans camera phones
http://news.com.au/common/story_page/0,4057,9643950^401,00.html

And now:
Rape at Abu Ghraib
"There is one photo of an American soldier having sex with an Iraqi woman. And there is the by now infamous story of how American soldiers harnessed a 70-year-old woman and rode her around, calling her a donkey."
http://www.villagevoice.com/issues/0421/mondo2.php

Remember this?
Bush: "I mean, he is a torturer, a murderer, they had rape rooms. This is a disgusting tyrant who deserves justice, the ultimate justice."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/3326311.stm
Speaking about himself? No, Saddam, of course. So now that the shoe is on the other foot do the rules still apply???

And now the Prince of darkness...

Richard Perle
"I would be the first to acknowledge we allowed the liberation (of Iraq) to subside into an occupation. And I think that was a grave error, and in some ways a continuing error."

Is this the first admission of guilt from a Bush insider?

Read more:
http://informationclearinghouse.info/article6254.htm

In the end it's all worth it since we are all so much safer:

Ashcroft: al Qaeda 90 percent ready to attack
Terrorists will 'Hit the United States hard'

http://abclocal.go.com/wjrt/news/052604_AP_r2_impending_terror_attack.html?DCMP=EMC-wjrt

The Covert Kingdom: Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Texas:
http://informationclearinghouse.info/article6242.htm

Conservative leader blames gays for Iraqi prison abuse -
decries `decadence' of gay weddings
http://www.washblade.com/2004/5-21/news/worldnews/iraq.cfm
I've seen some of those gay wedding cakes and they truly
are `decadent'.

Have a great holiday weekend. Many won't.

- Barney Dannelke

From the province of Uk! I wish you a happy 70th birthday.

Now go and bathe in the blood of virgins or whatever you old dudes do to keep going.

FAQ

This Ellison Pisher
Haa--aaapy friggin' birfday to yoooooouse
Haappy friggin' birfday to *urp* yooooouse
Haaaappy friggin' biiiiiirfday to you friggin' little pisher Ellison
Haaaaaappy friggin' birfday to youse!

*snnnnnngg*

*kack*

*ptui!*

Awright, Lee, where's dat twenny ya promised me? Don' make me hork on yer shoes!

Blinky

***Happy happy birthday Harlan!! My two wonderful pug doggies share this date of birth with you. They are one year old today. I knew they were special!!
Love,Deb*

Dear Harlan- You've taught me a great deal through your writing over the years. Stories like "Delusions for a Dragon Slayer" and "The Deathbird" have made me consider the ethical duties that come with taking space on this planet; inasmuch as I've followed those hard lessons, I'm a better person for it. Thank you for that; I hope you keep teaching us for many years to come.

Sorry for the second post, but my subject line was cut short. It should have read, "Happy Birthday d-d-d-dudeskie (that's Russian for "d-d-d-dude").

Happy Birthday d-d-d-dudeskie (that's
Here's wishing you a happy 70th, Harlan. This may be the only message board on-line with an actively participating septuagenarian, AND the only message board where most readers will know the definition of septuagenarian. Thanks for enlightening and entertaining us all.

Jake

Happy Birthday, Harlan
I've heard that you used to be 69, but now you've gotten over it. Have happiness.
--JCH

Harlan,

Have a slap-happy birthday, and roll with it.

D.

hippo hippo birdie two ewe
Happy Birthday, O Superlative Sir,

And, as Winnie the Pooh said, "Many happy returns of the day."

Yr humble newbie,
Elijah "The Ypsi Kid" Newton

Happy Birthday, Harlan
Keeping in mind that to me you'll always be that enfant terrible I met in the sixties, here's wishing you a joyful 70th b-day.

Seventy?

Nah. Still an angry young man at heart.

Froh Geburtstag, Buon Compleanno, Happy Birthday...& Best Wishes.

Harlan, you have been and always will be a pip!

Thanks for the 30 years of reading and listening enjoyment!

Happy Happy!

yr. pal, Todd

Happy B-Day
Harlan, here's hoping your day brings you as much joy as you've brought to us, even though I know that's impossible.

Thank you again for everything.

Harlan:

If I lived near you, I'd come over and mow your lawn (if you have a lawn).

Floyd:

Thanks for the link. I've also heard it pronounced as AH-BOO-GREHHB. I see now that this pronunciation is probably correct.

Frank Church writes:

>>After the preceding years, I learned and read about great culture, and trained my ear to hear music better, my eye to see a painting with more scrutiny. Sure, I have comfort food needs in my artistic taste, but mostly I search out stimuli of a high esthetical bent.

Frank,

After all this training I will assume that you would, as you state, hear the music better. One problem I have with this is that even though YOU recognize the aesthetic value of a certain piece of music or other form of art, the question remains as to whether or not the artistic item has aesthetic value. Let's say we're talking about a certain piece of writing that brings about a response in you. The writing stimulates you and brings you a sense of satisfaction. However, for someone else, the writing does nothing. While reading, you have a pleasurable aesthetic experience. But someone reading the same thing gets zip. You might say that this other person got nothing out of the writer's piece because they lack aesthetic principle--they haven't trained themselves to see and hear, and you judge them to be an aesthecially "untrained" philistinian patron of moronia. They are not in love with the piece, with art, with culture. But do they need to be? I will assume that you will agree that they really do not, since you also write about the value of personal taste.

The philosopher David Hume stated that aesthetic quality does not exist in the thing itself: It exists in the minds of those who contemplate it; and each of those minds perceives a different beauty. To Hume (but not to Plato) beauty was non-objective.

Kant asked: how are judgments of the beautiful and the sublime possible? How is one's claim to validity in the area of aesthetics justified when each claim is subjective? There are no arguments that can constrain anyone to agree with a judgment of taste.

Thus, even with years of training, I am still basing my judgement of the aesthetic value of the piece on my own narrow, subjective feelings of pleasure. You might counter by saying that one has to be in a particularly receptive state of mind (or be able to practice a suspension of the will, ala Schopenhauer) to gain true appreciation. I would then be remiss if I didn't ask whether this state of mind _exists_ in objective reality: Is such a state really something special, or is it merely the product of an ordinary (but sincere) concentration that's well within the reach of anyone with normal intelligence?

The debate goes on.

By the way, what qualifies as aesthetic value? Must art have aesthetic value in order to be art?

Happy birthday, Harlan.

Someone said you get better every year. I figure it's probably more like every other year, let's be realistic. Here's hoping this one turns out to be the best of them all.

Brian, sorry to wreck the anticipation, but Mr. Ellison merely received my HERC order for the interesting “Night and the Enemy” and was signing that. Gotta be.

Adding my voice to the chorus of 'Happy Birthday...'

We know the rules: no cards, no gifts, no nothing that's a huge imposition on yer time. But Happy Birthday, Harlan.

Yes, a blanket "Thank you to all" is fine with us.

Now will you tell us WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SIGN THE OTHER DAY?

Raising my glass in your direction
A very happy birthday Harlan, and many many more. You inspire us all.

QUOTATION FOR THE DAY
"When people say I'm 70, I say it's a confounded lie. I'm twice 35, that's all. Twice 35." ---Alfred Hitchcock


With my very best wishes. Always.

Harlan, you're a great man and a great writer. You've inspired me muchly. Thanks for all the great words, and for sticking by your principles.

B-day Greetings
Happy '39th' birthday, sir!!! *wink*

:::wonders how 50 came up so fast and bit her on the butt of her encounter suit:::

Warm salutations
Happy Birthday, Mr. Ellison! Thank you for the many years of your entertaining and educational craftsmanship. Cheers!

Many Happy Returns
If I may join the chorus - happy birthday Mr. Ellison!
Best,
Jes

I clearly remember reading an issue of ALGOL, seemingly yesterday but not, in which Andy Porter wondered if science fiction could survive Harlan Ellison's immanent fortieth birthday -- and lo, the man today turns seventy. How did this happen? (And how did I turn from eighteen to 48?, but that's for another time.)

Happy Birthday, sir.

Thank you for your ongoing effort to remind us that there is a higher standard, that instead of being lazy and reading formula space opera or watching formula television, that there is still original, challenging fiction out there if we but make the effort to look for it; that instead of being lazy and typing formula space opera or formula television, that we can create original, challenging fiction if we but make the somewhat greater effort to *write* it.

Thank you for the all the years of continuing to set that standard.

And for the years to come.

Happy Birthday, Harlan!
Harlan,

Just wanted to chime in here and wish you a very Happy Birthday, and many more to come. Hope you're relaxing with good food, good friends, cool gifts, and that the cares and concerns of the world can lift from you for at least one day -- and preferably many more.

-- Jon

P.S. And, as a semi-meaningless bit of trivia, I noticed on the Internet Movie Database (www.imdb.com), you share a birthday with (among others) actors Christopher Lee, Vincent Price, Joseph Fiennes, Lee Meriwether and Louis Gossett Jr., and writers Dashiell Hammett, Rachel Carson, John Cheever, and Herman Woulk.

I just thought I'd relinquish my place in the shadows just long enough to wish Harlan a happy tenth x 7 birthday. Very few writers inspire me as forcefully or as viscerally as Harlan.

Thank you, sir.

---Peter

Allow me to add my congrats on your birthday, Harlan.

Harlan, happy birthday, ya old coot. No rocking chair for that man, unless it is equiped with a rocket launcher and his typewriter.

Best wishes oh curmudgeonly one. Susan, avoid the candles on the cake, don't want your smoke detector goin off.

--------------

Rob, I'd grab ya by your ears, but it would be no use. You are like a mop that just leaves streaks, no matter how much you rub.

--------------

Happy birthdayyyyyyyyyy toooooooooo youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, happppyyyyy birttthhhhhdayyyyyy toooo youuuuuuuu.....

Have a great birthday, HE. Hope you get the toys you wanted...

Happy Birthday, Harlan!
Looking forward to seeing you and Susan at a signing on your 140th!
(Wait, that means I'll be 110...Geezus!)
Dan

SIR HARLAN,

Happy 70th.

By the way...THE WHIMPER OF WHIPPED DOGS is a fantastic story, but I was wondering. Is New York REALLY like that?

(NEWSFLASH: Mr. Benjamin A.A. Winfield was discovered dead on the morning of May 28th, 2004. His body was in an indescribable state of mutilation, with the head twisted a full 180 degrees and a book entitled ANGRY CANDY shoved up the rectum...)

Happy Birthday, Harlan. Thanks for the serious inspiration.

a voice in the chorus
Happy Birthday Harlan! You keep getting better with every year...

All the best,
Peggy

What to think of the man who knows everything...



_______ Birthday, Unca Harlan.

Warm Regards,

Neal

Lordy, Seventy? Whoda thunk it! Not just you, any of us. If you've concern about the years, think about all the scum, swine and ne'er do wells you've left in the dust. You stand on the merits of your own success, rather than the many who choose to make themselves bigger by mounting the faults they see in others.

Long, successful and satisfying life for a decent man; the best gift of all. You've and others have said it: The best reward is living well, non?

From myself, Mel and the loinfruit, our best wishes for your birthday.

Scott

Happy 70th Birthday, Mister Ellison! My Dad turned the same age this year and danced through the night. Boogie on, HE, gift us with more glorious yarns...

YoYo!

Harlan, the world's a better place because of you. Happy Birthday and thanks for everything.

-Keith

Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday, Harlan. Here's to 70 more.

James Palmer

Happy birthday, Harlan.

Take care,
Bill

For some strange reason...
...I feel moved today to contemplate how glad I am that I live in a world that has a Harlan Ellison in it and how delighted I am to know him and count him among my friends.

It's as if this day had some special significance.

Tony

Happy birthday, Harlan!

BEST WISHES
HARLAN: Add my best wishes to the bunch that'll be crowding the board today. You don't look a day over 69 (really). Here's to another 70.
--Dorman

Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday, Harlan!

I'll just sign Cindy's card cuz there's no way I could build a better Hallmark than that.

I confess that I was one of the many who misremembered Harlan's birthdate, but my excuse is that my girlfriend's birthday is May 27th, and her name just coincidentally is Susan, and she cohabits with a writer, and she is an Ellison fan, and, any more, I'm easily confused, my memory is not what it once was, in large part because I have not lived as virtuously as Harlan.

Dave Clarke,

This link has a somewhat informative pronunciation key http://slate.msn.com/id/2100290/ for Abu Ghraib. It also has an audio file for download.

In Texas it's 12:11am.
If you go by this I'm a bit late; http://www.timetemperature.com/tzoh/painesville.shtml

It's official by my clock, if a bit early by yours.

God bless you, and God bless Susan for loving you the way you've always deserved to be loved. I swear that's why you're here with us now.

Allow me to be the first...

Happy Birthday, you.
:)
Cindy

P.S. I've known for 23 years it was the 27th.




LYNN!!!!!!!!
I've been thinking about you for the past three days, wondering where you've been and what you've been about that you've neglected your friends here so sorely.

I AM GLAD YOU ARE BACK!!!!!!!

It ain't been the same without you!

Cindy

Since we're on the subject of pronunciation, did anyone catch Bush's Army War College speech? He said the words "Abu Ghraib" at least twice, and out of his mouth it sounded something like "AHBHU GA RUB" and "AH-BOO GARIB." My understanding is that it's pronounced "AH-BOO-GRAYB." Personally, I'd try to figure out the correct pronunciation BEFORE I got on TV.

DC (Still pondering Frank's response)

Britney Spears, my genzine, Hugo ballots, American Idol, Iraq
Wanted to ask everyone to check out my genzine CHALLENGER at www.challzine.net, especially if you're Hugo voters. Issue #20 will be out soon -- lots of Ellison natter, ca 1970.

Wanted to say that Fantasia really deserved the win tonight on AMERICAN IDOL, reviving my faith in vox populi that suffered when Clay Aiken came in second last year and which was smashed flat when LaToya London got the boot three weeks ago.

Wanted to say that the only thing that could restore America to its moral status in the world after the prison disgrace is the replacement of our witless, worthless executive branch by brighter, better people, and yes, John Kerry is better and brighter, by far.

Wanted to say that though Britney Spears can't sing and is spastic on the dance floor, I could still stare at the kid all day and all night for a week. But then, I'm a nose man.

Dan: this country is led by a man who says nook-yoo-lar. Grammar mavens don't have a hope.

My particular pet peeves this week are: people who say gro-sure-y instead of grocery, and, correct me if I'm wrong, isn't anesthesia pronounced WITH the "th" sound? I keep running into people who say anesTEEsia. I think they're confusing it with Anastasia.

Britney Spears IS a talented performer. However, to me she represents the "image is more important than music" direction that the industry is taking.

Paraphrasing: "Musicians in the 1970's were uglier than musicians today, but they made better music." -- Kid Rock.

Which, of course, leads me to American Idol: Please understand that when all is said and done, AI is a game show. Sure, the winner (in fact, most of the top ten finishers) gets valuable exposure and a shot at a record contract. But it is up to the artist to take these opportunities and make a career out of them. Whether Clay Aiken, Ruben Studdard, Kelly Clarkson, et al have long lasting future careers is ultimately up to them. If any of them can reach deep inside themselves and find "that unique and original place that their soul speaks from" (sorry), they will find a dedicated, long lasting audience. If they can't, then in my opinion, it's on them, not the recording industry.

Case in point: Jewel. The fact that she was a beautiful young woman in her 20's when she was discovered didn't hurt her chances at inking a deal. But what was she doing before her big break? Grabbing that acoustic and hitting every coffee shop, bookstore, or club she could find and putting her best work OUT THERE TO BE HEARD. Music is like anything else: you learn by doing. By getting material together, overcoming the jitters and performing it live, reflecting on your strengths and weaknesses, shoring up those weaknesses with more training and better material, getting out there and doing it again. And again, and again, endlessly. I don't think a single contestant on Americal Idol understands that, and I don't believe I've ever heard Simon Cowell make even a passing reference to it. If someone like Jewel, or Avril Lavigne, or Pete Yorn, or hell, David Bowie solely relied on American Idol to get them a career, we'd never have heard of any of them (and I never would have driven my parents bananas as an 8 year old belting out "AND WHERE WERE THE SPIDERS..." at the dinner table).

And if a real artist has to work just a little bit harder than the flavor of the month, then perhaps we as consumers of great art need to work just a little bit harder at finding them and rewarding them with our time and money.

In closing, Bush rules. Out.

Reply From Jackson Pollack

Frank,

"As a kid, I had a very limited knowledge about culture"

I don't think that has changed a whole helluva lot.

(...and STAR TREK, incidentally, with all its flaws, was NOT a "crappy" show! Ask the good spirit of Asimov.)

Two more thoughts for the day...
1) I’d give almost anything if the media would pronounce negotiations properly instead of negoSiations. I’ve heard this repeatedly on all the major television and radio broadcasts from MSNBC to ABC to NPR to my own local radio stations.

2) If only the Detroit newscasters would stop saying City of Detroit when Detroit would suffice. This seems to have started with Mayor Coleman Young back in the 70s, and has continued to this day. They never say City of Royal Oak or City of Ann Arbor, but Detroit DEMANDS the City Of qualifier.

Two thoughts for the day...

1) There is very little I wouldn't do to get the law enforcement community to stop using the word "credible."

2) Frank, your comments about Britney Spears are so utterly wrong-headed that you might as well keep making them.

Dave Clarke, such an interesting question you pose there: is art mostly about personal taste? I think that is true in some sense, but the term 'personal taste' has to be backed up by esthetic logic.

Personal taste is one thing, but personal taste without artistic knowledge is kind of dead. Sure, everybody has their own psychological makeup, and interpret stimuli differently, but that doesn't mean they really know what they are talking about.

As a kid, I had a very limited knowledge about culture. I usually absorbed only what my little pea brain could absorb. It wasn't about art or culture with me when it came to what music I chose or what movie I watched. I based my cultural opinion on what felt good to my youthful pallette at the time. I, like most kids had a junk food need to be entertained solely; to be taken in by what kept my small brain awake. It was never about being enlightened, it was about just making me happy.

After the preceding years, I learned and read about great culture, and trained my ear to hear music better, my eye to see a painting with more scrutiny. Sure, I have comfort food needs in my artistic taste, but mostly I search out stimuli of a high esthetical bent.

Music is the strangest aspect of culture. You get ten people in a room, and play a piece of music, and you will get ten different answers as to the quality or lack of quality of the music chosen. Hell, Psychology Today could do a whole book on the strange way that music works in our collective conscious.

But everyone agrees that esthetic truth is an important part of any quality art experience. Sure, something can be interesting in parts, but it may lack a cohesive narrative.

This quote from a Frenchman, complaining about American food culture kind of sums my thoughts on art and culture: "In America, food is fuel, in France it is a love affair."

A person who has a love affair with art and culture, will be the best judge about its esthetic quality.

Now this is where personal taste comes in. Having a healthy debate about the worth of some form of art is what intelligent people do. As long as we consider that disagreement does not mitigate the other's points about the quality or lack of quality of whatever artistic piece that is being discussed.

The problem I find is that smart people constantly find worth in things that don't fit the esthetic rule that greatness prescribes. You find this most glaringly with music critics, especially pop critics.

The best critics in the country always seem to find worth in such drivel as 50 Cent or Britney spears. Sure, the 50 Cent song, In Da Club has a clever synth line, but the overall song is a mere pop throwaway. A hook alone does not make a tune.

Britney Spears has a song called Toxic; the song has this real clever symphonic riff, that cascades and swirls; but for what purpose? Sure, the Peter Gunn style guitar line is neat and peachy keen, but the song itself is still pop swill. Marketed masterbation for old perverts in raincoats.

Then there is the debate about the worth of Jackson Pollack; one of the most overrated hacks in art history. Baby diaper droppings machine gunned against an unwilling canvas. Art experts talk about the brilliant simplicity, or the color patterns, or whatever. What I see is an exploded cob salad. But, if someone likes his stuff, and can prove to me that they know something about art, then I will just leave it as a matter of taste. I will just secretly laugh at you when your back is turned.

Literature works much the same way. Ask anyone who their favorite author is, and get every answer under the sun. Harlan loves Kersh, I love Henry Miller, Rob might like DeSade, but we all understand that our love affair with our own minds only works, when that mind is seasoned with esthetic thought.

Harlan hates rap, I love certain aspects of it. Are we both wrong, or both right? Sure, rap is not on the same plane as Stravinsky. But does that matter? Is simplicity done right artfully complex? Everybody has a side to the debate. But, the only ones who matter are the ones with that love affair in their hearts and minds.

Debating forever is what the chattering class does best. So, forever we will disagree, till the cows come home. Guess, that is what they mean by democracy.

Harlan's Birthday

LYNN!!!

Have you seen Blinky?

Harlan's birthday is almost here, and I've been wondering if the little f*#@er would manage to sober up enough for the party.

"Oh and Tenacious D *rocked*."

But, do they still like clogging and are they still totally into Satan?

Tuesday night at the Hollywood Improv
Dateline: Tuesday, May 25th, Hollywood, California
Free The West Memphis Three Comedy Benefit

Lineup: Greg Barrant, Fred Armisen, Greg Proops, Bob Odenkirk, Chris Hardwick, Patton Oswalt, Zach Galifianakis, Laura Kightlinger, Blaine Capatch (Host) and Tenacious D (Jack Black's band)

Patton Oswalt says to say "Hi". His bit included a rant on the inanity of morning drive DJ's and being dragged into their (and I quote) "Harlan-Ellison-I-Have-No-Mouth-And-I-Must-Scream Reality". I laughed so hard I think I sprained my appendix. Oh, and I said I'd pop in today and tell him you're still topical.

Oh and Tenacious D *rocked*.

That is all.
L.

Brian points out that "fantasy's first weapon is delight." I think that's absolutely right. For all the ink that has been spilled over the difference between science fiction and fantasy, it seems to me that the simple answer is that they employ different strategies to achieve the same ends. Both forms require that the reader must be induced to buy into a superficial set of lies about how the universe works so that the author can deal with profound truths about how the human heart works. The science fiction writer attempts to persuade the reader that the lies are plausible, whereas the fantasist attempts to seduce the reader. The fantasist is saying, in effect, "suspend your disbelief; I'll make you glad you did." The fantasists, like Harlan, whose work we return to time and again are those who consistently make good on that promise.

Steve J.

If it wasn't for the headache, which I get when the weather shifts radically, I'd feel pretty good today.

That's because I had a funny idea for a children's book this weekend. And I wrote it in about two and a half days. It's less than five thousand words, and it could use a few draft passes. But I _finished_ it, which feels nice, and a lot better than that white elephant I was playing with for the past three years.

Of course, it's written for children with social problems, and the moral lesson is pretty horrible, but I liked the idea. (One scene involves the President kissing a lobster's feet.)

I have nothing to say about "Jeffty is Five." It's one of my favorite Harlan stories, and everything that's been said are things which I've noticed about the story, so there's little I can add to the discussion.

I did notice that it doesn't seem to make much sense, if one tries to pin it to the "real world." The childhood of both characters is rooted in Harlan's own, specificially, prewar America. But when does the story take place? How old is Donny? How old are Jeffty's parents? This isn't a big point to raise. It's fantasy. If I'm believing that Jeffty's a conduit into the great stuff of the past, I'm cool with the other questions.

Which brings me to the other points raised about research and fantasy. I _loved_ that Jim Crace quote. I ought to mount it on a plaque somewhere. Fantasy's first weapon is _delight_, the loving disconnection of the mind from the world. And if it doesn't make a whole lot of sense after a moment's reflection-- for example, if the Dursleys were really that horrible to Harry Potter, Child Services'd be after them in a heartbeat-- well, fine.

From my own post:

"Look – unless your child’s name was Damien and his continued existence GUARANTEED the destruction of all that was good and decent in the world..."

That sentence is flawed. Horribly so. I'm sure Jeffty's parents took the exact same position when it came to their son.

Jeffty
Hi all
If I may delurk for a moment... I read these boards every day but have to cop to feeling a little out-of-depth at some of the discussions that take place, so rather than put in my tuppence worth for de sake of it, I'm content to read and learn. That said - and what a place this can be! - I thought I'd add to the intriguing discussion of 'Jeffty Is Five'.
So, to John Thompson Jr., Dorie Jennings, Frank Church, Scott Reeston, Barney Dannelke, Adam-Troy Castro, Lee, Chris L, Jeff R, James Palmer, plus anyone else that might have contributed that I've missed, and most of all Lil' Washu (is that an obvious name I simply don't get?), who kicked this thing off, I re-read the story and what hit me this time around was the narrator's complicity. Does he know what's going to happen? I think so, in some terrible way, and if so, his sentiments are surely echoed in the last section ("so she did love him..."). Before that, he mentions Leona standing in front him for seconds, "leaden stoicism" on her face, and... he gives Jeffty to her. And immediately laments it. I know that Donny is speaking from a point beyond the events happening, and it can all be construed as regrets, but that terrible pause as Jeffty's mother stands before him is just too heavy a weight to lift.
It's a horrible thought, even more horrible than when you figure out what's happened for the first time. Of course, I could be being stupidly obvious about all this, but nonetheless... hoo boy, what a sledgehammer story.
Best,
Jes

a couple of links...
Here is the new Chomsky interview by Paxman for the BBC [5/21]

http://www.zmag.org/content/showarticle.cfm?SectionID=11&ItemID=5565

and here is the latest misleader.org piece on presidential designate Bush and his giant screw you to NYC Police and Firefighters. You remember those guys, they were in his commercials...

http://daily.misleader.org/ctt.asp?u=1991056&l=37089

Have a nice day.

- Barney

>Michael Moorcock was once asked if he spends a lot of time "world-building" as a prelude to crafting one of his elegant fantasies. He pointed out that people like Lord Dunsany and James Branch Cabell did not sit around worrying about the gross national product of their imaginary realms.

You reminded me of this great statement from Jim Crace, interviewed in the Paris Review a few months back:

"My wife and my editor think I do lots of research. And I encourage them in their delusion as it makes me seem hardworking. But actually I don't research. I oppose research. What I do is a bit of background reading in order to work out how to tell my lies. I don't look for information, I look for vocabulary and for the odd little emotional idea that will give some oxygen to my imagination. Vocabulary is the Trojan horse that smuggles the lie. Facts don't help."

Another vision of Hell
Brian:

That should have been your cue to feign an aneurysm and scream for the man to call 911.

Brian Siano (grabbing Loman's lapel and hanging from it like a wilting stab victim): Mister! Call 911! I'm ...OH GODDD!! It hurts!! (pulls face up to wired microphone and blubbers, syliva spraying from his quivering lips)...I'm blacking out!!! Don't let me die!!!! HELP MEEEEEEE! Oh GODDDD don't let me die so soon after my wife! Call an ambulan....."

Vision of Hell
I had this marvelous Vision of Hell at lunch. Over at another table at Au Bon Pain, I saw this guy sit down, and before opening his sandwich, he began speaking into his cell phone headset. He began talking someone through the paces of turning a computer on and logging in, with a lot of passwords and dialogue boxes and stuff.

So I thought of a really dingy bar, around two in the afternoon. The door swings open, and a shaft of bright sunlight appears, but the door shuts and it's back to brown dank and neon beer signs. Seated at the bar in a slovenly row are about six or seven middle-aged guys with grey hair, wearing rumpled Willy Loman suits, sipping at whiskey sours in the early afternoon. And each one wears a headset, and they're mumbling "Now, you enter your password in the blank... No, not your system password, your application password... Now click on the 'OK' button..."

Yes!

I would love to hear the rest! Please joyfully discuss with us, if you've the time and inclination. I want to hear about Jefty.

Cindy

P.S. Don't play with us any longer,please...PLEASE! What did you sign, sir?

Kvetchness
Possible suggestions, or just some new words: limbaugh- to make several predictions in order to prove that you will eventually be right. Most likely suspect for the severely kevetched. drudge- to make false pronouncements in order to receive attention. Make a statement without proof or any intention of doing so. hannity- to bluster and overtalk another person without actually saying anything. A person doing so could be labeled an "o'hannity".

kvetch word question
A comic artist I know asked me about a Yiddish word to describe a person who bitches & moans because that's what said person does - you aren't supposed to pay attention to him or take him seriously. A kvetcher but not with any hypochondriac quality.

An example used was someone who complains about the comic book field starting with whatever convention he happens to be at (at that moment) and then spreading outward like concentric rings that touch on every aspect of the comic book field in sight.

I'd appreciate any suggestions - feel free to mail me directly with any replies if this isn't appropriate board material.

Thank you,
John Q.

Dorie, Eric, et al:

John Thompson essentially has it. I guess I don't have the sentimentality to accept that sort of nostalgia which admits Jeffty into my experience, so the tale breaks down for me. I can't find any wonder in the past except in the magic of events like watching my three children born, recalling the day I was married, stuff such as that.

I feel that my magic works due to the fact of not being static, that the acts of memory trigger less the desire for recalling the past; more that they give me the enjoyment of seeing my potential within all the possible futures created in each of the occurrences.

I guess I'm Jeffty operating in reverse. With Satchel Paige and Immanuel Kant riding shotgun.

Scott

Dorie Jennings: In all fairness, I think "Jeffty Is Five" works best without an explanation; Jeffty just IS. Because the feelings in that story are real, the fantasy element slips past our defenses. Harlan does provide some rudimentary theories about this rift in reality, but I see that as an attempt by the protagonist/narrator to come to terms with baffling circumstances.

Michael Moorcock was once asked if he spends a lot of time "world-building" as a prelude to crafting one of his elegant fantasies. He pointed out that people like Lord Dunsany and James Branch Cabell did not sit around worrying about the gross national product of their imaginary realms.

Frank,

"Rob, quit cribbing from my notes. I already talked about Fast Food Nation a few weeks ago."

Were the libel laws like those in the UK I'd drag your face through manure. Never saw your miserable post; and you're the LAST dudette I would ever have to crib.

So, who gave YOU sole discussion rights to the book?

...and although the fast food culture has a long wretched future ahead we're already seeing changes, because sales sends signals to these corporate bulldogs. That's why salads and vegeburgers are popping up now. But as Morris and Steel can tell you Europe is next to get dragged into the epidemic big time. As of now the fast food corps are raking in more profits from overseas.

Fast food will never be ended, it will be CHANGED. Through the long, long democratic process.

Jeffty Is Five
I suspect I am one of the ignorant masses who doesn't get the subtle understory in "Jeffty Is Five", but I'll have a go anyway:

Scott wrote: >>>I think I could accept the tale more if Jeffty was at one time Jeff, a friend of the protagonist who had suddenly regressed into the child state for one reason or another, coming to accept the situation even to the point of loving it and desiring to remain. Then it would be interesting to me to see the dichotomy that could be presented, both the joys and perils of holding to one fixed point in the past, as life moves onwards at its insane speed.<<<

Isn't one of the ideas of the story that you CAN'T decide to stay there? And in "One Life" also....Mr Rosenthal began to deteriorate and he couldn't stay?

That Jeffty was the ONLY creature able to stay, and even he was doomed because he existed within the modern world as well?

Of course I did used to get comments on my college papers which said "beautifully written but you've completely missed the point."

On a related subject: I was reminded of "Jeffty Is Five" in "The Green Mile"...when Paul is lamenting his role in the destruction of "one of God's true miracles."

Mis-attributed quotes . . .
>>Youth is in the mind, I've detected the heart of a young boy in the midst of most everything Ellison. (I wonder if he found it on Robert Bloch's desk.)


And if you can believe this garbage, the new Trivial Pursuit 20th Anniversary edition actually mis-attributes the " . . .heart of a young boy . . ." quote to Stephen King.

Sigh. (Serves me right for playing a "trivia" game based upon the last twenty years. It's more like a recent events test.)

And yes, they did receive a letter . . .

>How would such talent fly under the radar of medical examination or any of the bureaucacies dealing with concerns of children: schools, social workers, the parents of the other children who start to stop playing with the boy age they age and he doesn't? <

You may be thinking too literally here. This is fiction, after all, not an essay about an actual boy with actual powers or behaviors.

Jeffty may be more message then messenger.

Frank:

I enjoyed your last post. Since you're under the influence of the muse, I wonder if you could tell me what you think of the quote from CAS regarding all literary criticism boiling down to a matter of personal taste.

Also, by extension, what about criticism of movies or music? Is the end product only personal taste, or are there other factors?

growing up down the rabbit hole


whos' growing up? our patron author? the one who loves comic books, and has Richard Dreyfuss over to play with action figures on the floor of his kitchen?

Methinks you're mistaken, Frank.

Youth is in the mind, I've detected the heart of a young boy in the midst of most everything Ellison. (I wonder if he found it on Robert Bloch's desk.)



Respectfully,

Neal

Jeffty is a symbol of a time period that Harlan remembers fondly; since he too was Jeffty. He had to grow up, unlike Jeff, but the mean world grew along with him. Technology and idealogy replaced the innocent veneer of that time, making the world the kind of techno hell that it has become.

Jeffty's death is a symbolic death of the innocence of childhood and nostalgia.

Next Psyche exam at noon.

-------------

Rob, quit cribbing from my notes. I already talked about Fast Food Nation a few weeks ago. I know you were peekin in. Sure, it is a good book, but the reality is much worse. We will not see the death of fast food culture any time soon.

Look at our lionization of the idiotic Jessica Simpson, a person who plays up being dumb, as a badge of honor. And we seem to think it is cute to be that stupid. At least she is one of us, we say. She aint one of those know it all elitists, that make us do horrible things, like read books and shit.

Then you have American Idol. Don't get me started on AI. Where, being a celebrity is more important then actually being good. Having a hit is what is important, not writing or singing great art.

Then you have the fake curmudgeon, Simon Cowell, who puts on the tough guy face, but in actuality, has the same tin ear most Americans have.

Then there is the fake democratic aspect of it. People get to actually vote on who they want to win the music contract. Well, aint that nifty? The people who vote feel they are affecting the culture. They pick the everyman and everywoman. People like them, but with better singin voices. You think Clay Aiken would get signed without that show?

The problem is simple: The American listener don't know shit about great music. They just want their representative of the common man to play the star, no matter how bad the recorded output becomes. They vote against the idea that only special people, with special skills can be stars. Now anyone can be famous. Aint that great? We beat the system that says it is not okay to be merely average.

This is why you have test screenings for movies now. See what the dimwits think about the latest cartoon cgi blockbuster, and sell more Pepsi and beer.

Art goes out the window. Sure, the everyman gets his due, but at what cost? Because, let's be frank: Great artists are assholes. Ego goes with the territory. Elitism does as well. Greatness is not alway pretty, but it is essential, especially, if you want a great society, a thinking society.

With this thinking, it's possible that even Shrub could get 4 more years. Hold your hats folks, this is gonna be a long year.

Joseph:

Not a problem at all, mon frere. Happy to be one who helps to lift you at times, especially one such as this. Take your time, and even though the split is amicable, make sure what's yours remains yours.

As for Jeffty, well, I've thought about it, and find I'm less inclined to believe that Jeffty would become depressed within the context of the tale presented. I look at the character almost as I do the use of telepathy in "Mephisto"; a single element of fantastic designed to propel the story of a person's or persons struggle trying to exist within the world. The problem is, I can't buy it in the context presented.

First, Jeffty's talent. He can choose to selectively alter media to fit the emotional timeframe of a five-year-old of a set period of events or programs, and exist comfortably within the context. Fine, but how wide a range does this effect take hold? What about all the media and technology his parents would have about him in the house; a televison, their magazines, newspapers, whatnot. Wouldn't these be altered by the boy's "talent" as well, or wouldn't they have a negative effect on the boy when he comes into proximity with them?

Second, such a bizarre skill. How would such talent fly under the radar of medical examination or any of the bureaucacies dealing with concerns of children: schools, social workers, the parents of the other children who start to stop playing with the boy age they age and he doesn't? As a parent myself, I surely couldn't leave my child in that state of being without some form of intervention, at least to try and figure out what the hell's going on. For everybody to simply leave the situation in status quo seems more bizarre than the child himself, if not wholly negligent by those who fail to act.

I think I could accept the tale more if Jeffty was at one time Jeff, a friend of the protagonist who had suddenly regressed into the child state for one reason or another, coming to accept the situation even to the point of loving it and desiring to remain. Then it would be interesting to me to see the dichotomy that could be presented, both the joys and perils of holding to one fixed point in the past, as life moves onwards at its insane speed.

As it stands, the tale is a curiousity, but not that pleasing for one.

Scott

HARLAN,

I’m satisfied about my previous post. It represents my initial reaction to JEFFTY IS FIVE in all of its unfiltered, non-tenderized glory. I’ve had time since to rationalize, to set my feelings and responses to the story in stone, and upon reflection…yes, I do UNDERSTAND the actions of Jeffty’s parents. Perhaps I can even sympathize with them to a degree. Does that make the two of them any less monstrous in my eyes? Do I no longer feel so safe and content in condemning them outright?

I returned to the one of the last key passages in the story, the one that I believe was meant to partially justify the actions of Jeffty’s parents:

“So she did love him, still, a little bit, even after all those years. I can’t hate them: they only wanted to live in the present world again. That isn’t such a terrible thing.”

Maybe not, and I can see where they’re coming from. Jeffty’s mother and father lived in the worst kind of hell any parent could be put through: unable to watch their child grow and become a man, to change as the world changed, to experience new things, to go to college, to drive a car, to get a job, to get married, to have his own children, to be hurt and scarred, to be loved and give love in return.

In my opinion…does that justify what the two of them did?

No.

Look – unless your child’s name was Damien and his continued existence GUARANTEED the destruction of all that was good and decent in the world, I simply cannot come to terms with an act of infanticide, which it was – no matter how you try to understand and comprehend the misery Jeffty’s parents had to cope with.

Call me naïve. Tell me that I have no right, no access, no PERMIT to judging these people without first being exposed to the despair they had to face on a daily –on an HOURLY- basis. But what they did, WHAT, THEY, DID, was monstrous and wrong.

I don’t agree with James Palmer’s post, in that it seems to follow a natural assumption that Jeffty was secretly miserable himself, thus somehow vindicating his own destruction further. Why? Why should we assume this? Because it gives us the idea that Jeffty subconsciously consented to what his parents did?

I will admit that there’s evidence existing within the story to prove Jeffty’s own inner misery. Certainly, other than Donny he had no friends to speak of. The local children instinctively sensed his “otherness”, his “unnatural nature”, and subsequently rejected him. But just because he was unhappy, are we left to assume that he fostered a seething desire to die?

Let me tell you something. Due to “disabilities” I’ve had in my possession since birth, (I don’t care to go into any more detail than that), my social skills were next to nothing. Growing up on the school playground was an existential nightmare. While I will confess that I wasn’t stuck in a kind of space/time limbo that locked me into a state of perpetual childhood, I didn’t nurture any secret desire to be offed in the near future, let alone by my own mother. Jeffty’s parents sought release, but did Jeffty have any real consent to this?

In the context of the story AS I READ IT, Jeffty’s parents were indeed motivated by desperation. As you said, there may have been some love there, operating side-by-side with their desperation, even at the very end. But ultimately, theirs was an act of selfishness. True, it was the kind of selfishness you might expect from people forced into the most heinous of situations, an understandable, entirely natural outgrowth of human behavior when placed under inconceivably hellish scenarios that I DO NOT exempt myself from, but selfishness nevertheless.

Another key line from the passage I quoted above was “they wanted to live in the present world again.” You yourself pointed out the story’s prevalent theme of the present devouring the past, not out of malice, but necessity; the tiger consuming it’s prey as a mandate of “The Way Things Are”.

However –this is important to note- what Jeffty offered was not the past, but rather a hitherto unseen hybrid of the past and present; not a retread, not a remake, not a reanygoddamnthing, but a breathtaking marriage of the two that only Jeffty could nurture. I’d say the present was destroying Jeffty NOT because he kept the past alive in a way that was unacceptable to The Way Things Are, but because his very ability to fuse the present and past into a seamless whole made him unnatural - freakish. That is why in my eyes Jeffty’s parents are not that dissimilar from the torch-wielding villagers who pursued Boris Karloff in those bygone days Jeffty was so adept at delivering to us all over again.

Those are my thoughts, take them as you will.

Thank you for your time.

Perhaps a better question
Once again I'm rushed but I have to say this before heading out the door - my last post regarding Jeffty is a complete mess.

It's full of talking points and a couple of personal observations but on the [painful] re-read I see it has no real point. Sorry.

Also, I should clarify that when I said Harlan doesn't talk much about craft. That was sloppy. He talks plenty about craft in general but is very guarded about his own craft or how he sees that progressing. That's not a criticism. I think it's a very natural human reaction. I like to work but I hate having people watch me work - it sucks the fun out of it for me. Or perhaps it's the Indian having his picture taken at the risk of ones soul or Hemingway's remarks about not talking about these things lest we diminish them.

I want to thank Lee and Adam-Troy Castro for their remarks. The Yearling, well, I dunno, but Of Mice and Men and the Worm of Ourobus both hit me like lightning and opened up a couple of ways of looking at that story. Even if they were a million miles from what Harlan was thinking about they worked for me. And the notion of One Life Furnished in Early Poverty not just being thematically linked but damn near attached at the hip was something else I had previously ignored. Just dumb of me. Thanks guys.

-----------------------------------------------------------

So here's a better question -

Harlan - You have written about 50/50 fiction and non-fiction. Do you think the place the fiction comes from is a fundamentally different place than the non-fiction comes from and if so do you find the fiction place harder to access or just different?

- Barney Dannelke

Susan - RH
Susan,

Okay, I'll confirm the address via Rick (thanks in advance Rick). Thanks for sending another along; just deduct it from my subscription.

Things have been known to enter strange time loops with the office mail delivery here. Some things take a week or 2, some several months (we got mail from October delivered in February), and customs is a real wild card.

Thanks again,
Peg

Dear Faisal,

The men should have been the ones without nipples, don't you think? Why the hell do we have them except to pull, chafe, pierce or suck? They make no sense!

Aron

P.S. What the hell are you talking about concerning the women having no nipples? I haven't seen "Troy" or "The Passion" yet...I have read the books though.

Harlan - Congratulations on signing the piece of paper containing whateveritis for whateveritcando.

Troy - What I learnt. 3200 years ago, Men were Men and women had no nipples.

(I'm going to contact the effects house and ask if they really retouched the film for a lower rating).

What else is new.

FAQ

Scott Reeston,

I note you're around at the moment, so I just wanted to thank Melissa and yourself for the kind words you've sent me over the past few months. Thanks, my Canadian Compadre.

Regards,
Joseph

Just read Todd's post on Richard Briggs' death. Jee-sus. The last time I saw the guy, he was one hale and hearty, healthy looking guy. To just roll out of bed and die like that.

Makes me feel that much luckier to have survived my little cardio episode last year.

Damn.

Chuck

I forgot the time I'd posted last, having just looked. Sorry. I WILL stay off for few days.

Footnoting My Last Post

Leaving aside the psycho-analytic methods and presumptions in dream interpretation, the activity during REM, the driving force behind a dream, utterly fascinates me. The variable images you dream each night are largely generated by your emotional reactions to recent events or concerns weighing on your mind. The external world and the internal world intersect, sometimes in truly bizarre ways. You react to your environment in unconscious ways but which can manifest themselves through your dream.

Here's what I mean: one night I was set to crash. Everything in my room seemed fine. It was perfectly comfortable. I slept straight through the night. And I dreamt about snow. I seemed to be dropped in the middle of a vast frigid Arctic desert. I couldn't escape it. I finally woke the next morning to find that strong winds were blasting against my window and outdoor temperatures had dropped drastically. The whole room was FREEZING. Felt like about 40 degrees.

It's so bitchin' the way that works. I was not conciously aware of the room temperature change; I never woke during the night. But it manifested itself in my dream.

Transfer this interplay to that medical crisis I told you about. In the delirium-induced nightmare I found myself in a hospital. Not in the real world but in my dream. I never knew till I woke or snapped out of it that I really WAS in a hospital. I didn't know I'd been brought in there yet it manifested itself through my dream.

It's so cool how some parts of the brain remain active while others are shut off, altering the way information is processed. No WONDER our species has always been so lured to drug substances.

Another item (or should I call this my holy proclamation?):

I've personally boycotted many a fast food because I like staying in shape and because I know it's led the country (soon the world) to a bad-health epidemic. After reading a well-documented piece about the mentality behind McDonald's, Carl's, and others - and the fucked-up minds who started them, like Ray Kroc - the calculated way they prey on the young and the digusting abuse of power still going on (the meat suppliers being a far more vile entity than I ever realized; not that much has changed since Upton Sinclair) - I am no longer giving them ANY of my business (at least as close to that as possible). Unless properly supervised by regulators corporate America is evil with coifed anal hairs.

I don't say this just because of its obscene indifference but because of sick ways in which it leverages its power and exploits people. Trust laws are falling to the wayside as conglomerates eliminate competition and pay nearly nothing (and this is a fact) in taxes...and still they will cheat in any way they can to make the easiest buck.

Please read Eric Schlosser's FAST FOOD NATION. You can't put it down.

Next: The evil gene of Walt Disney

The link below will take you to Peter David's website where he announced this morning that Richard Briggs, who played the doctor on Babylon 5, has died.

http://www.peterdavid.net/

-TODD

Dear Peg:

Your Rabbit Hole was sent in April to the Houston address. Will put a replacement in the mail tomorrow. Please send me the address again (just to make sure) or, if you have a direct mailing address...

With best wishes--Susan

It either pertains to your official, once and for all autobiography, or the AOL lawsuit, or TLDV. I can come up with other guesses, but I HOPE that it has to do with one of these three things, you ... you ... you master of suspense, you!

Carlos Fuentes on Bush


Here's a link to a translation of a Fuentes' article from Le Monde. It's worth it.


http://truthout.org/docs_04/052304H.shtml

At the risk of pillory (risk, hell: hereabouts naysaying's a guarantee of abuse surpassing any given by the reputable of companies) I don't count "Jeffty" or "One Life" amongst my favourites. Finely written, agreed, but neither jumps off the page as "Soft Monkey", Croatozoan", "Mephisto in Onyx" or "The Man Who Rowed..." does. Maybe it's my own battles with past imperfect leaving me with the pragmatist's attitude toward leaving the province of memory behind (the wife likes to joke that my emotional baggage was made by Samsonite), I don't know, but those storys always left me feeling that the characters are whiners who don't take life in their hands and change things. What I've always found in examination of things past: it contained all the horrors the present can muster, we just sand down the more jagged edges within our memories to make it seem more comfortable.

That said, the conversation leaves me to play my "Jeffty" album, the place where I admire the story much more. Not for the tale, more for the reading. M. Ellison draws me in, his sense of the dramatic never better than on that particular piece of vinyl. Even the loinfuit sit and listen until the story closes. Fine, fine stuff.

A small aside: would somebody please keep Shrub and Kerry off bicycles? It frightens me to think that a faultly Schwinn banana seat is all that sits between us and "Big Dick" (interpret that as you will) getting comfy in the Oval Office.

Scott

Jeffty is Five
I, too, think Jeffty one of our host's best stories, and was blown away on its first publication by the F & SF issue where it appeared, which also contained one of his OTHER best stories.

But, you know, I have trouble separating Jeffty from that other piece rooted in childhood, "One Life, Furnished in Early Poverty." I know which is which. But for me they function as bookends.

Jeffty is about how childhood can be a blessed time, and how adults need to hold on to the magic they had then.

Poverty is about how childhood can be a cursed time, and how it can poison the hearts of adults for the rest of their lives.

Both stories read a lot like Bradbury, maybe not in prose style, but in flavor.

Both stories had some of Harlan's most delicate character work.

I think the stories are so intricately connected I can't think of one without thinking of the other.

Rabbit Hole
Susan,

A ways back in April someone mentioned a recent issue of Rabbit Hole. I've been biding my time, thinking it might be taking a while to work through the mail system.

No sign yet, so I'm not sure if my subscription lapsed, if I forgot to give you the right address, or if it's lost in transit. If you need a renewal, or my US forwarding address, drop me a note here and I'll send along whatever's needed.

Thanks,
Peg

I posted my gut response to “Jeffty is Five” on May 1, under the title “Jeffty is Five, Non-Fiction”, about 400 posts back. I hadn’t thought about it much at the time, but the Jeffty story is something I resorted to in a very natural and unconscious way to fit some disturbing and difficult to grasp experiences into an intelligible framework. Like Rob said, the story is DOWN THERE, available and useful as a metaphysical reference – whether you wanted it there or not.

I know of many other great works of art that treat the theme of killing what you love as an act of kindness – The Yearling, Old Yeller, The Passion of Christ, Of Mice and Men, Paingod, I could go on and on. And the idea of the Present itself actually and actively killing the Past is deeply mythical – one of our oldest obsessions expressed in powerful symbols like the Worm of Ourobus that go back to the beginnings of human thought.

But using an appealing and vulnerable character who has come unstuck from time to express these profound themes suddenly from a context of warm nostalgia, is nothing short of a literary mugging. Everyone senses one by one, through the simple act of living, that they are mortal and will end while immortal time is passing them by without so much as a friendly wave. Everyone relaxes when they slip back into a familiar stream of memories to visit the places they always loved to be. Then a very disturbing and powerful shock is transmitted when Harlan fractures the warmth suddenly with the implication that violence and murder are ethically neutral forces that animate both supreme acts of hatred and supreme acts of love. We are forced without warning to encounter the destruction of something good as a process animating nature itself at its most fundamental level. Nature itself, looking like hatred but embodying love.

It is by launching a successful surprise attack involving some of the most well worn and easily recognized Great Themes in human thought that Harlan proves his greatness as an author. Reading “Jeffty is Five” is like getting attacked by Jack the Ripper. Your first realization that something different has happened is when the dagger hilt thumps your breastbone. You didn’t even feel the blade sliding in.

More new Ellison from Aardwolf Publishing
Regarding Alex Krislov's posting "New Ellison afterward," ALL editions of "god's 15 minutes"(lower case "g" please) will benefit KICK. And thanks for the plug.

Harlan also has an outstanding piece (really THE outstanding piece) in Aardwolf Publishing's forthcoming UNCANNY DAVE COCKRUM TRIBUTE. I asked for three paragraphs; HE gave me 1100 words, generous soul that HE is. All monies directly benefit artist Dave Cockrum & his family.

Interested parties can order either of these at www.aardwolfpublishing.com

>For the Ellison compleatists hereabouts, there's a new collection of Clifford Meth work, just out from Aardwolf Publishing. "God's 15 Minutes" concludes with a nice afterward by Harlan. I don't know how many are left--they're autographed by Meth, Mike Kaluta and Harlan--and mine is numbered 74/220. Hie thee to http://www.aardwolfpublishing.com as fast as your nimble little fingertips will take you. Yes, this is the edition that helps fund KICK.<

Forward into the past with Jeffty or somesuch...
***Harlan and the group mind***

dept. of no-time-to-tighten-this-up-now-so-solly;

Harlan knows that for years and years "Jeffty Is Five" was "my favorite Harlan Ellison story". I think I'm at a point now where I no longer have favorites or top fives or top tens or what have you, but certainly the power of this particular story lingers.

Since it has bubbled to the surface, and since my daughter is entertaining prom guests in the back yard at 2AM I thought I might as well pound out a few thoughts and maybe ask the author just one reasonable question.

---------------------------------------------------------

I read the story the 1st time in 1977 and was pretty much bowled over. I was pretty much reading crap up to that point and wouldn't have known a "literary" story if it jumped up and demonstrated self-referentiality back in those days. Compared to all the P.K. Dick and Doc Savage novels it seemed pretty freekin' highbrow to me. But there was something else...

Thinking about it today I realized that there was a weird nostalgia craze going on in this country which was quite pronounced from about 1972 to 1977. It manifested itself in strange ways. You would walk into a Sears or J.C. Pennys or Spencer's Gifts [which were themselves new on the landscape then] and you were as likely to see poster racks featuring W.C. Fields or the Marx Brothers as Jimi Hendrix or Bruce Lee. 50 years of pop-culture all mashed up together in one store. So that was going on then.

I say this pretty much to listen to my fingers clack. I don't think Harlan was exactly responding to this nostalgia phenomena or craze or trend - not that he wasn't aware of it - Harlan was, if anything, HYPER-aware of pop culture in those days - I just think Jeffty comes from someplace more reflexive and visceral.

I jabber on like this with theories because Harlan almost never does. He might give you the Koenig anecdote or the Necro-waiters anecdote but he seldom digs right down into craft. In 25+ years of listening to the man I could condense all the non-biographical remarks of where the WRITING comes from, or what the technique choices were down to a few pages. I think that's probably basic human nature. Smart psychologists farm their own problems out and canny writers know that staring too deep into the magic mirror might kill or piss off the muse.

___________________________________________________________

Prom distractions/ 20 minutes later - where was I?

Still, THIS story hangs in there. Why is that? Well, I've read a few things since 1977. Not so much of the classics or the Russians as I would have liked to by now, but still, some serious tonnage of words. And "Jeffty" still looks unique. Of course the other heavy hitters, BEAST and REPENT and THE DEATHBIRD share this distinction but JEFFTY IS FIVE in my mind stands off to one side even from these other Harlan monoliths. Fuck if I know why. But there it is.

The only mild criticism I ever heard of this story was at a ReaderCon Harlan attended a few years ago. When Harlan wrote the story - and when I, the target demographic read the story, what was modern in the story and what was in the past in the story was quite clear and self evident. Apparently little tiny cracks have since appeared to the, ahem, newly modern reader. Now many dramatic/logistical problems are solved with cell phones - of course a cell phone wouldn't work anywhere near Jeffty so there's that - and we have waterproof shower radios, etc. If I remember correctly there was some "anachronism" that confused that particular Readercon reader that was a direct function of his or her age but I'll be damned if I remember what it was.

Okay, wrapping up. Over the years I've watched Harlan listen to people talk about this story and I've tried to gauge his feelings but I was never completely able to. SOMETIMES Harlan almost winces - but seems to catch himself - and will occasionally relate the story of Isaaac Asimov being complimented about NIGHTFALL as being "the best thing he had ever written" which was a sore spot for Isaac because it was a relatively early piece and the implication [for Isaac] was that he might as well not have bothered with the subsequent reams of good work.

More often Harlan beams like a proud papa and scuffs his toes in the dust and "aw shucks" his way through it.

I think if it's only the top 10 or so that stay in print then The Essential Ellison probably gets it right.

If we go 100 years up the line and we only get one story [like Kafka gets The Metamorphosis and Jackson gets the Lottery] then we probably get REPENT. It has the timeless [wink] setting and the right politics. Jeffty then falls to Kafka's The Hunger Artist status. Too bad, because from over here Jeffty has all the gravitas and twice the heart.

So I guess the question is Harlan, what do you think of my Monday morning quarterbacking?

- Barney

ps. EIDOLONS is the story that most perfectly produces a waking dream-like state and the one that most rewards re-reading these days FOR ME. In my opinion. Your mileage, blah,blah,blah.

Harlan's Mystery Post
ALL: If Harlan announces a book deal with Modern Library in the coming weeks, all you folks who sent letters of encouragement to his editor or bombarded the Modern Library website with suggestions for titles of Ellison books might want to pat yourselves on the back. It just might've helped make up her mind -- you never know.
--DTS

Too bad there's not a pool to be won!

I think I figured it out.

It would be wrong to post my theory here, or anywhere else, out of deference to Harlan, but I got it, chaps.

I think I know.

I really enjoyed Jim Davis’ post on this topic. Made me laugh out loud. (I have always disliked the abbrev of that phrase).

-Keith

Yeah, and now I'm going 'does that non-fiction/fiction construction HE's yanking our chains with imply a volume like _The Songlines_ or "Mau-mauing the Flak-catchers" or "Tlon, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius" or...?'

But please, somebody stop the rain...finally, I can say I've seen the grass grow while I've watched it. Neat, but frankly enough is enough.

Cheers, Jon

Harlan,

With what was the "interesting document" signed; ink, pencil...or blood? Was a being with horns, pointed tail and a taste for extreme unrest near? Was the word "soul" mentioned during the signing? Please let us know... please. Fragile minds can't handle mysterious teasings from one well-versed as you.

Sin-"sear"ly

Aron Devin

DORMAN:

You misremembered. It was the WEDDING of Otto Penzler I was off to NYC to attend. The lunch meeting about "a new non-fiction book" wasn't EXACTLY about a non-fiction book ... well, it WAS about a non-fiction book ... but it also WASN'T a non-fiction book. Despite the seeming contradiction, it is not at all a contradiction. And the meeting was among myself, my NY literary agent, Richard Curtis, and my editor at Random House/The Modern Library, Judy Sternlight. Though I seem to be speaking with a circumloquaciously annoying bent these days, like a hookah-smoking caterpiller on laudunum, all will become clear in the fullness of time. The meeting, however, went as well as could be expected ... under the circumstances.

That is to say ...

Soitenly!!

Quote:

"I will joyfully discuss this with you (or all of you) should you feel so inclined."

Yes indeed Harlan, I DO feel so inclined. I think all of us do. I'd love to read about your take on Jeffty is Five, if you'd be so kind. In the meantime, I'm going to go back and re-read it.

Nothing wrong with re-visiting an old friend (the story, that is).

Chuck

Harlan's visit to New York
HARLAN: Before you headed out to New York, you mentioned that one of the things you had planned was a meeting with Otto Penzler to discuss a new nonfiction book. Did that turn out well?
--Dorman

You people are something. Keep it up.

Lee:

What marvelous rococo stylings bearing frightening similarity to the fold and faults, those prismatic recesses within this electrically fired mass of neurons and dendrites I possess: hobgoblins of memory, sprites of desires, imps and their self-named progeny which added pulse as birthright and action; the bitter and shattered fragments contained within this thing of mine, or mind, as the case may be. Yes, it is a joy and delight to behold, but please feed not the neuroses that gambol across the parietal; their annual mating rituals are being staged about this time of year, and I've promised them orange sherbet and decorative pantaloons they can fly in the Maygust skies.

And, it gets me out of the mundane, such as jury duty. I simply say to the court that all men are cursed with sin and should rot in hell for their crimes, chained to desks for eternity to eat mouldy bree and drink Thunderbird wine while watching Fred Rogers seduce Rod Serling with an erotic performance of the Batusi. I've discovered that this works best if you scream it at 130 decibels.

Crazy? Crazy like a slightly irked three-toed sloth!

This has been a moment insdie Scott's head. You don't want a written transcript, as hummingbrid fecal matter makes for a poor writing ink.

Please sign the guestbook as you leave.

BTW, M. Ellison's signature was on a petition to raise the corpse of Jonathan Harris, know chiefly for his role as Dr. Zachary Smith in the series "Lost in Space", back to the living so as to run him on a Democrat ticket with Al Lewis against Ahnie Steroidnegger in the next California gubernatorial drag race. One stiff deserves another, I've always said.

Scott Reeston, who still denies paternity of one Sigmund the Sea Monster, claiming the DNA test was rigged. The boy does have my eyes, hair colour and dental resemblance, however.

JEFFTY was the one that hooked me on Ellison too. When asked what my "favorite book" is, I usually say Jeffty and explain that it's a short story but that it moved me like no other piece of writing I've encountered.

Setting aside some of the greater issues in the story, one thing that amazed me was how Harlan was able to make me feel so nostalgic, immediately and powerfully nostalgic, for a period of time so far before my own, one I really have no connection to. Now dat's some spicy writin'.

Harlan, sir, I don't think it's possible to talk TOO MUCH about "Jeffty Is Five." What can I say? I will, quite simply, never forget that story. Could you tell, as you were writing it, just how VERY special it was going to turn out to be?
Was it ever considered for an episode of the mid-Eighties TWILIGHT ZONE, or any other TV series, network, cable, whatever?

Also I believe I've figured out the secret: Spielberg, Lucas, Coppola and Peter Jackson are co-directing a five hundred million dollar movie version of THE BANANA SPLITS, and you signed a document calling for you to be paid one hundred million to write it!

Well, what else could it be?

Jeffty's parents
I felt sorry for Jeffty's parents. Imagine what you would do if faced with dealing with the monster/miracle that was Jeffty day after day. Stuck all by yourself in the house with him all day, caring for him as you would a five year-old, while all of Jeffty's age group grew up and left home. His mother's final act is done not only out of a longing of release for herself and her husband, but to free her hurting child. I cannot condemn her for that.

LI'L WASHU:

You cannot know how pleased I am at your response to "Jeffty is Five." The ending -- and complex subtle understory -- escapes most readers; to the extent that I had to "explain" it in the liner notes of the lp recording. And, yes, it's easy to see how you would reach that particular emotional verdict on Jeffty's parents' behavior.

But...

There is a line in the last paragraph of the story that (if not vindicates, at least arguably) mitigates one's view of Jeffty's parents. The mother's unconditional, core-deep and desperate, love of the child is the motivating fulcrum&lever for what she did.

Nothing is wasted in that story. Everything, no matter how seemingly small or irrelevent, links to form the gestalt. Donny; the tv sets; the phrase about the present eating, destroying the past; the kids who beat up Jeffty; the stage setting of the darkened living room at the conclusion; all of it...

I will joyfully discuss this with you (or all of you) should you feel so inclined.

That li'l ole storyteller ... me.

ROB: I wasn't planning to reappear here for probably a week, maybe less, but your "reminiscence" shook me as loose as a loquat on a wind-tossed branch. Holy gadzoley Betty Spaghetti!!

I'm uncertain that a "thankyou for sharing" even approaches the city limits of Proper Response, yet I KNOW there is a reply due; you pay me a great compliment, and I tremblingly put it in the scrapbook.

Respectfully, Harlan

There's a word for a story like "Jeffty is Five:" MASTERPIECE.

Bill

Well, it's official. I've just read the one Harlan Ellison story that beats the crud out of THE WHIMPER OF WHIPPED DOGS in terms of wholly accurate, bloodcurdling depictions of human bastardliness at it's most loathsome.

JEFFTY IS FIVE. Holy Mother of God. To meet a kid like Jeffty. A kid who can allow you to experience a new episode of THE SHADOW. Or QUIET, PLEASE. A kid who can summon Bela Lugosi, cape and all, from the grave, whom you can witness again in all his untainted glory in a fresh, just-off-the-press film of old-school yet new-school horror. To see Jimmy Stewart back on the big screen again, to hear his voice spilling from all the state-of-the-art surround sounds we have at our disposal at the theatres of today, for nostalgia to cease being nostalgia and to become REALITY. The past meets the present, and the present meets the past, and for once, it all WORKS in beautiful harmony.

But, let's put that all aside for the moment, and come to terms with the fact that Jeffty, by himself, without his djinn-like powers, was a nice kid. Just a really nice kid.

And then his parents...

...

You know, ever since some of my worst clashes in Webderland, I've always tried to see the point of view from both sides of the fence. Always. I do my best to apply the same philosophy whenever I read a story that upsets and shakes me on an unprecedented emotional level.

But I just can't apply that here. Not now. Not to Jeffty's Mom and Dad.

Jesus H. Christ.

Harlan sez: "soon"

Yeah, yeah. That’s what virgins I used to go out with would say to me and I didn’t get shit.

Well...while we wait for the curtain to go up I thought I’d tell you about a little experience of mine. It struck me, after talking with a friend about it last night, that I’d never related this little saga here. Harlan, this one attests to the impact your work and words can have on those of us who grew up on them.

This is nothing deep; just brief reflection. Yet, Edgar Allan, since he caused a li'l riptide here recently, encapsulated my story perfectly in his poem:

"Dreams! In their vivid colouring of life -
As in that fleeting, shadowy, misty strife
Of semblance with reality which brings
To the delirious eye more lovely things
Of paradise and Love - and all our own!"

On a Friday morning in 1989 I woke up so ill that by Sunday my roommate had to call 911. This was the year when I began having trouble with grand mal seizures, apparently caused by amino supplements. I would have to grapple with epilepsy until 1995. In the beginning one doesn’t want to concede this kind of reality. Dependency on a prescription; no alcohol; visits to a doctor. I didn’t want to give in to ANY of this shit. Well, after THAT week I would concede EVERYTHING. I’d felt so nifty and fit that Monday that I not only skipped dosages of the medication through the whole week...but I drank wine each evening (to reaffirm my invincibility? Who the hell knows?).

Leaving out some rather graphic details, I landed in the hospital thoroughly dehydrated and in terminal pain. I was semi-conscious but unaware of my surroundings or the people there. In the course of the past two days I’d had a couple of seizures in my sleep. By now - literally - I was babbling stuff. And the reason I was babbling stuff is because I was hallucinating. I’d been pulled into a maelstrom of dreamscapes which seemed as real as this keyboard in front of me. I remember everything I (thought) I saw and heard. The doctor was standing there over the bed waiting for me to snap out of it, having administered something into my system. When I finally did come to I tried to tell him what I was "dreaming" - who I thought I was talking to - but I was unable to finish my sentence, for he completed every line I DREAMT I’d been saying! He was fascinated - as was I , frankly - but he was also emotionally reassuring.

Jumping to the pertinent issue, the hallucinations hurled me through several worlds and encounters. Hell, I discovered things about the universe I never could have guessed! I’ll skip most of the nutsy events in my delusional exploits except to say they were all connected by a single event:

I was the second coming of Christ!

Fancy that. Yep! An avowed Atheist in the role of THE messiah! Well...the world seemed to accept it - at least for the moment. At first everyone trembled, unsure of how a devine being might judge them; but that was only for a few minutes and throngs fell to their knees. Seemed right n' good to ME. The world sought succor and comfort and evidently I had the power to offer it. But...in the course of several days something happened. It all upended. I was accused of being a fraud, some opportunistic mountebank taking the world for all it had. Before long, crowds - mobs of millions - wanted my head, man. There were riots in the streets. Stores being smashed. Attacks on anyone who still believed in me. The doors of the hospital were barricaded as several tried to break them down (yeah, for some reason I was still in the hospital). Security guards braced themselves against the entrance, even those who’d have been more than delighted to hand me over to a killer mob.

BUT...there were a few courageous believers left still willing to champion me and brave the fires of hell; followers who stuck their necks out and came forth in defiance, declaring that I was indeed the one and only messiah. One of these dauntless mercenaries was HARLAN! He appeared on American talk shows to pound the truth into listeners everywhere! Now, I would like to point out these weren’t appearances with respectable journalists like Charlie Rose or Ted Koppel or Mike Wallace. No, this was all on the Tonight Show and Dave Letterman following third rate yodling acts and funny animal tricks.

Well...to make a long story short things didn’t work out for me too well in the end.

But to settle your minds about the medical crisis, I did straighten out my act after that incident; the problem got resolved in 1995 when they switched my prescription to one with fewer side-effects (the original created terrible nausea). No seizures since.

But the point here is...in 1989 Harlan didn’t know I existed. And I sure as hell didn’t have any bizarre "obssessions" about him. It’s not like he was on my mind all the time. I’d simply read his stuff since I was a kid and his voice of reason heartened me; his defiant prose like companionship (particularly in tough times). Clearly, the appeal and enjoyment I got out of his material became imbedded in my consciousness even more than I thought. Otherwise, there was just no reason for this guy to come poppin’ up like the Great Gazoo in the middle of an eidetic nightmare!

And, Harlan...hey! If 'Memoirs' is a foreseeable venture perhaps you’ll remember this one when you mull over the impact you have on some people. When you're THERE you STAY there, man.

My next target: Walt Disney, per Neal’s suggestion. (After we talk about THAT guy you’ll think Roddenberry a "messiah")

daily quota
I'm gonna waste my post today to say just 2 things.

1. Damn, but I love coming here just to read what the rest of you write. Y'all send me, you really do. Especially when you play together nicely.

2. I'll be around and about So Cal & So. Oregon 18 June - 7 July. Anyone wants to get together for giggles and grins, email me.

Cheers
Peg

The Halleluja Chorus sang in my brain this morning as a fat little Cherub sitting on my bedpost preached that Baal is a punk. Limp banana peels gimbaled weightlessly in the smoky air, synchronizing their motions to the ululating wails of Monica Lewinsky shrieking furiously that Scott is not Presidential enough to be smoking her goddamn kobassa. A gentle fall of diamond shaped snowflakes streamed from a giant upside down top hat, obscuring a landscape littered with tablets of candy colored barbiturate. Justin shivered miserably in the distance, as his growing addiction sent the little bugs crawling over his body.

Each snowflake was the exact shape of a mechanically shredded documentary fragment. The wind stirred the little paper flakes into swirling cones that would occasionally settle themselves down into a readable whole only to scatter away and apart again, leaving nothing behind but a subliminal retinal impression of the scrawled signature of Harlan Ellison dissolving back into the wind.

Harlan’s teasing has warped the very fabric of Webderland, and its citizens have gone mad with the waiting.

Except Scott. I think he broke trail for the rest of us long ago.

That's cool. I'm patient. The picture o' patience, that's me. Colonel Calm. Prime Minister Millpond. Signore Serenity.

Just...sittin' here. Patient. Ain't no thing. I can wait another day or so. Easy.

NOW WHATTHEFUCKDIDYOUSIGN??? I'LL TAKE THESE PILLS IF YOU DON'T TELL US! THEN YOU'LL BE SORRY!

Finally, I've cracked the Ellison clandestine messages. Not easy, considering I had to decode the encryptions hanging upside down naked in a burning outhouse while smoking a twelve-pound Polish kobassa (there's a real bitch to light), chanting outtakes from the famed lost episode of "The Honeymooners" as I sacrificed the virgin Republican I bought at Ebay to Baal, who owes me big for the clerical error he made that cost me fifty grand back in the market's "correction" of '87.

It turns out that M. Ellison's memoirs are about to be published, including the confessions that the patron author was both the Shadow and Deep Throat.

Moreso, the author tells of the dramatic rescue of Bubba Clinton from a cellulite avalance resulting from the break of Monica Lewinski's thong strap, an event which truly would have set forth a course of events resulting in WWIII.

All in a day's work, I guess.

Yes, Jim, we still get free pie.

Scott

"Harlan's beginning to sound like a movie trailer.

"SOON...""

In the voice of Don LaFontaine: "ONE MAAAAN...."

Tom Galloway

I NEVER post twice in a day, but Tom Galloway just made me fall from a great height in great billowing blasts of laughter.



see you in a couple days.

(Clark Ashton Smith was dead serious about craft, no damn doubt.)

Humbly,

Neal

Harlan's beginning to sound like a movie trailer.

"SOON..."

Lidsville
Lidsville. Oh, man, what a show. Several years ago, Nickelodeon ran a "Puff-a-Palooza" marathon of Sid and Marty Krofft shows. I taped a few hours of it, but didn't get around to watching until I was home sick. I'd taken some fairly strong cold medicine before popping the tape in. I made it through the Bugaloos, and ElectraWoman and DynaGirl without too much trouble. Things started getting funny with H. R. Pufnstuf. Then, when Lidsville began, the room started moving. The air shimmered, agents came out of the walls, and I think my couch talked to me. Suddenly, the brothers Krofft made sense on a level no seven-year-old would have dreamed of when those shows were brand new.

BE THAT AS IT MAY, I had to laugh out loud when a few years later a short clip of Charles Nelson Reilly in his Hoodoo garb showed up on the outstanding "Jose Chung's DOOMSDAY DEFENSE" episode of Millennium, the first season of which is finally, finally, finally coming out on DVD this summer.

And in case anyone is wondering, the lyrics to the Lidsville theme song can be found here: http://www.nostalgiacentral.com/tv/kids/lidsville.htm.

Happy weekend, all.

Paul

Bugaloos
The bugaloos
The bugaloos
They're in the air and everywhere
Flying high, flying free

That's all I can remember. It's not as catchy as the theme to Land of the Lost, with the banjo playing in the background which for some reason always reminds me of Deliverance. Deliverance with dinosaurs, now there's a story idea.

Marshal, Will and Holly
On a two-day expedition
Met the greatest earthquake ever known
High on a rapid, it struck their tiny raft
And plunged them down a thousand feet belooooow
To the Land of the Lost (Lost! Lost! Lost! Lost!)

Harlan Ellison.

A man possessed of a deadly patience, at once lizard-like and feline.

And ... oh hey, here I am out in the open with my mouth full of cheese.

Jeez, I go away for a few days and the place gets all surreal when I'm not looking....actually I rather like it this way. It was only last week I was chatting with folks on another forum about the Banana Splits, and hey Melissa do you remember The Bugaloos? Know the words to the song too? How about Lidsville?

Singalong is OK. Sing-along is OK. Sing-a-long is not. Pet peeve of mine.

Anyone notice that the Banana Splits chorus and the chorus of Bob Marley's "Buffalo Soldier" are the same tune?

Y'know, technically speaking, I'm not sure there is anything stopping Harlan from adding his signature to those already on the Declaration of Independence [we'll assume, of course, that he'd have no problem getting past the guards at the National Archives].

"Does everyone realize that Arkham House has published the letters of Clark Ashton Smith? One of our patron author's favorites."

I've read it, and I highly recommend it. Much like his friend H.P. Lovecraft (who Smith never met but had voluminous correspondence with)Smith, in his time, was one of the great but barely recognized dirt poor genius writers who struggled mightily just to make ends meet. Several times in his letters, Smith describes how he had to pick fruit and do other exhausting physical labor just so he could get enough money put food on his table and pay his bills.

Here's a quote from that book upon which some of you might wish to comment:

"All literary criticism boils down to a matter of personal taste."

Yr. Faithful and Obt. Servant,

DC, Esq.

Soon.

Yr. loving pal, Harlan

I know...I knowww!!!! Throws the guacamole dip against the velvet wallpaper.

Harlan is going to be the next victim on Queer Eye For The Straight Guy. That black leather vest of his should impress them.

Sid and Marty


OK Unca Harlan, please drop the other shoe...wassap?

And that singalong was far too surreal. I have a feeling that singalong may be hyphenated...just not in this sentence, I guess.

"Once upon a summertime just a dream from yesterday
a boy and his magic golden flute spied a ship from off the bay..." (from memory, and that is just too bad.)

Does everyone realize that Arkham House has published the letters of Clark Ashton Smith? One of our patron author's favorites.

I am sleep-deprived,

Neal

I loved that show, along with H.R. Puffinstuff. It frightens the kids when I sing that song.
Fleegle, Bingo, Drooper and Snorky rule! Long live Hong Kong Phooey!

Melissa

Here's a link to a brand new Ray Harryhausen interview where he reflects on such things as Willis O'Brien's Kong, the influence of Gustave Dore on his work, and Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings:

http://www.aintitcoolnews.com/display.cgi?id=17618

Harlan, it's "tra la la, la lala la, tra la la, la lala la..."

And it's one of the music selections on my work computer, and I'm listening to it RIGHT NOW, because it came up at the EXACT moment you said to sing along! GET OUT OF MY HEAD, YOU BASTARD!

"One banana two banana, three banana, four,
Four bananas make a bunch and so do many more
Over hill and highway the banana buggies go
Coming up to bring you the Banana Splits show

Making up a mess of fun
Making up a mess of fun
Lots of fun for everyone..."

But, if you want us to get into a happy, anticipatory, something-great-is-iminent sorta mood, I'm cranking up the Chambers Bros. "Time Has Come Today."

Harlan's going to milk this for all he can. A room with an audience waiting with baited breath to see what he's going to say next, and he doesn't even have to get out of his jammies to work it? Throw in an admission charge, and I'm pretty sure that's how P.T. Barnum defined "jackpot".

That is, unless his camembert has finally taken a jostle from atop his saltine, and he's decided to post non-sequitors for the flaming hell of it, which means we can expect a report on what the Rice Krispies said at breakfast any time now...

Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello there.

Hello ma baby, Hello Ma Harlan, Hello ma ragtime guy.
Send me a fix by wire, baby my heart's on fire!
If you refuse me, Harlan, you'll lose me, then you'll be left alone;
Oh baby, telephone and tell me I'm your own!
Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello there.

I know, I know! I misspelled banana! Look, gimme a break, I'm not even awake yet! And thank God the rules say a second posting on the same day is allowed if it is sent to correct an error in the first post, within ten minutes of the first post.

THE BANANNA SPLITS!??!!??!
Are you referring to, "One bananna, two banannas, three banannas, four; four banannas make a bunch and so do many more?" Was that YOU in the Snorky costume? Jeezus, I thought he looked familiar! Something about the body movements, you know?

speaking of signing...

To show how mature I'm becoming in my dotage I'm not even going to hazard a guess. But thanks for loading me up with one of the more annoying tv theme songs of all time. It's not like I walk around these cyber-halls whistling Wayne Newton's "Danke Schoen" until you're all bouncing off the walls. ;-)

I think Harlan knows Lawrence Block. Hell, he knows everybody else so why not. Here's Mr. Block from the Village Voice on book signings and the surrounding culture. Looks like Ginsberg was right when he said if I wanted a rare copy of HOWL he should simply leave it unsigned.

http://www.villagevoice.com/issues/0417/essay.php

- Barney Dannelke

Nondisclosure, PA.

[Currently reading "Sophie's World" by Jostein Gaarder(philosophy) and "Catch a Falling Clown" by Stu Kaminsky (mystery) with some Owl Goingback and The Science Fiction of Rudyard Kipling in the queue.]

It's official
Harlan, you are an incorrigible flirt.

Harlan:

You're such a scamp....






...and I am as patient as time.

Chuck

I'm hoping for the free pie.

"La dah dee dah"

Everybody be quiet...back away...don't make eye contact...
Harlan? What did we sign?

Sweet Washu,
His "interesting" would be most anyone's "INCREDIBLE" or "MIND-BLOWING". Which explains why I'm staring at the monitor wondering when the second shoe will fall and what will scamper from it.

Trust me; there's something to this or he would not have troubled himself to reference it.

Gently,
Cindy

SINGALONG

All together now: the "Theme" from THE BANANA SPLITS.

La la la

La dah dee dah

La dah dah

Lahdee dah dah.

Yr. pal, Harlan

What's all the fuss about? Like the man said, it's just an interesting document. Not an INCREDIBLE document, not a MIND-BLOWING document, just an...you know...interesting document. I have a few interesting documents. So does my dog.

No, I'm not gonna SHOW them to you...

Dear Diary -

Today, Harlan completed his journey to the dark side by demonstrating flawless execution of the time-honored message board trick of wandering in, dropping a cryptic attention-getter into the pond, and skipping out in certain knowledge of the ripples spreading with ever-increasing, tsunami-like power from the epicenter.

Lord, it was... exquisite.

One of us... One of us...

The Interesting Document
HARLAN: You mean the adoption papers finally went through!?!
Daddy! (Hey, Susan! May I call you Ma?)
Yer loving son,
Dorman Ellison

In spite of the insanity known as our civilization, Harlan has remained a decent, somewhat civil and resonable person. In light of this, the Supreme Deity, having held the position long past mandatory retirement guidelines, will now pass the mantle of governance down to our patron author, who will now become creator and ruler of this and all ther universes effective Jan. 1, 2005.

Ellison must immediately sign waivers invalidating his body's attempts at entropic demise, alongside confirming documentation of end user's agreements to take upon his person all the metaphysical capacities imbued within godhood. Bureaucracy in heaven as it is on Earth, so it seems.

Yes, Jim, that means free pie for everyone. Also, the first week next February will give all the patron author's friends the opportunity to have some insufferable toad of their choosing get a smiting on the house. M. Ellison loves the idea of "help for the little folks".

Strom Thurmond, Elia Kazan and Jerry Falwell couldn't be reached for comment.

Scott

Harlan! For Heaven's sake, man, what did you sign???

Interesting Document
Was the ink blood, and the document surrounded by lit candles?

Possible outcomes of the "interesting document" Harlan signed:

--- Lawsuit with Aol/TimeWarner settled. Chirpy "You've Got Mail!" alert to be replaced with AM's "Hate" speech from "I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream."

--- Harlan admits paternity of Poppy Z. Brite, joins her in switching focus of writing from gothy vampires to the New Orleans restaurant scene.

--- Four words: FREE PIE FOR EVERYONE.

--- Harlan agrees to participate in "Celebrity Survivor: Madagascar" with Norman Mailer, Camille Paglia, Harry Crews and Chuck Palahniuk. Footage of resultant bloodbath is suppressed by network suits, ends up bootlegged on eBay.

--- HE-themed chain restaurants to open everywhere. Controversy expected over ingredients of "Quilla Juneburger."

--- Harlan and Susan join ascetic Baha'ist cult. Entire contents of Ellison Wonderland donated to Jim Davis. (Hey, a brother can dream, can't he?)

(Belated congrats to Alex Krislov on the remission of his cancer. Way to go!)

Guesses on the "interesting document."

1. Settlement on Harlan's soul, in exchange for "the talent to write powerful and moving fantasy stories, an encyclopedic knowledge of sexual technique, and the enduring friendship of Robert Silverberg."

2. The contract to adapt _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire_ for director Todd Solondz.

3. The Magna Carta. (Harlan's signature may not have much impact, but the document does satisfy the requirement of being "interesting.")

4. Agreement to maintain the Cryogenic Crypt of John Lennon in a climate-controlled rotunda at the Lost Pyramid of Mars.

5. Waiver of liability if the vasectomy-reversal surgery doesn't work out-- because Susan and Harlan _want kids_!

Sheesh!
Harlan, you are cruel, cruel man.

You're welcome.

So give. Spill. Emote, furcryingoutloud.

Yeah, c'mon
Fess up. What's the doc? With what does it deal? If you don't tell me, I'm going to misspell Poe's middle name.

Gimme the love, man, gimme the love.

Darryl, who is having a remarkably good day. Hope everyone else is too.

What What What?????

C'mon!!!!!!

Twenty minutes ago I signed an interesting document.

Yr. pal, Harlan

(from the netherworld of one such is not perhaps welcome on the board for some such pas digressions as happened during my younger and 'stupider' days)

I am very sorry for the loss of Julius Schwartz.
The last time I visited here I was reading about the fall he had suffered, and the next time I'm on I see a clipping on the obituary Harlan has written.

I had a moment of pause; you have to read that line twice. And then you have to suck in the breath that's gone from your throat.

I will say this and then take my leave: please believe me when I express my sorrow at the passing of this man. I met him a few/couple-a times at the I-Con conventions out on Long Island, and he was polite, friendly, funny, and generous. He didn't seem to mind the fannishness of the fans in the realm of fandom and I remember at once this tall man taking my arm and drawing me toward a table wherein lay donuts, juice, and some strange something called a 'cheese blintze.' I was complaining of hunger, the crowd, the people, hunger, famishment, starvation, and the friggin long line at the signing table where Harlan was.(Yep. I've always been a stupider self.)

Had the fortune to meet the man a few times more, got an autograph, talked about comics, was asked if I was still hungry or if I preferred to complain for the rest of the 'friggin' convention. Realized that wherever Julius Schwartz was, there, too, was Harlan Ellison. I have some pictures from that convention where a tall Julius Schwartz is talking about his comics and Harlan is beside him... wearing a jean jacket and hat and looking much like Oliver in need of some more soup, sir.
I will scan them and send.

Sorry for the late posting. I didn't know.

AmyB

CEP:

Ellison's essay on terrorists and the piece on infamy are both at www.highbeam.com, presumably licenced from the magazines.

Steve,

I feel genuine sympathy for your Troy viewing experience.

With a mind as developed as yours, you might as well have been duct taped to a live steam pipe for two hours. Ir's the price of being educated.

Your friend,

Lee

PS My wife deleted your 2001 response.
Sorry about that. Can you resend?

Contact Request (Colleen)
Colleen, please contact me by e-mail regarding that essay of Harlan's that you found in an online database (remove the nospam from the address!). We're not sure that it's an authorized use, but I need to get a better idea of what you were doing before anybody jumps in.

Thank you.

C.E. Petit
rabid lawshark for Our Kind and Gentle Host

Steve, I think that "The Iliad" is generally accepted as being written around 800 BC. It's impossible to know the exact date, especially since it's most likely a summary of long-held oral traditions, but it's fair to say that the poem has been READ for about 2800 years now (unless you are a supporter of the alternate chronology theory...another topic!).

2800 years...that's a long time to sustain a readership! Very few authors, living or dead, can hope to keep their books in print for more than a few decades, much less a few thousand years. Obviously the narrative drive, the story, the characters, and the language have rung true to what we really look for and take sustenance from in literature.

So to your question on whether some dim-wit Hollywood movie version should have kept this detail or that, in the midst of all the CGI overkill and celebrity flesh, I can only say...I'm sorry you feel the need to even ASK such a question.

In three months, Brad Pitt's popcorn-seller will be another forgotten piece of plastic on the shelves, and Homer's "The Iliad" will continue on its merry way as a foundation of western literature, read and loved by each successive generation.

I would suggest that next time you need a diversion, instead of spending 9 bucks on a movie ticket for a quick-buck, loud rendition of something the unwashed are too lazy to read, you should buy an axe and a cord of firewood. Chopping wood will not only bring you inner peace, but it buffs up the shoulders, and the chicks LOVE big shoulders.

If You Were Adapting Homer for Film. . .

1. . . .wouldn't you have kept Ajax's suicide?

2. . . .wouldn't you see the irony of returning Helen to Menelaus at the end of the story?

3. . . .wouldn't you see the importance of keeping Queen Hecuba as a character?

4. . . . wouldn't you have built up the relationship between Achilles and Patroclus because you realize that you need a strong motivation for Achilles' rage against Hector?

No more! No more imploring me by gods or parents! Would that I could eat Wolfgang Peterson raw for the injury he has done to me!

Steve Dooner

I chuck the wood the woodchuck chucks.

I only villify the villian in me.

Remebered the following when I read Faisal’s story about his Cannes film:

“We worked continuously with the writer while we were shooting, and also had him with us in the editing room. He came up with a lot of good stuff as we encountered unforseen situations on the set. We’d come up with ideas and send them over to him, and they’d always come back better. Because he’s a writer, and we’re not.”

Mel Gibson complimenting the work of Randall Wallace on the “Braveheart” script.


It’s in the director’s commentary of the DVD version, paraphrased from memory here.

Address at Mesa College a few weeks ago
Dear Mr. Ellison: I attended your opening lecture at Mesa a few weeks ago. I asked you a two part question, the first regarding mistakes you may have made and outlived, and that you answered. But my second question (which was lost on most of the crowd I'm afraid) was "have you ever done a disgusting thing with a disgusting thing"? You were cut off, as David asked you to use that as a 'teaser' for the evening lecture. Well, great, except I had to teach a class that evening and thus missed your response. I am intrigued as to what you were going to say. If you have the time and inclination, I'm listening. Regards, Mark.

As I write this, WKCR FM in NYC is running a trubute to Elvin Jones, which should run until ca. 3 PM tomorrow, EST. Go to their website and you can get the audio stream.

I've already been introduced to Andrew Hill's "Judgement", featuring Jones, Bobby Hutcherson, and Richard Davis. More mid-60s Blue Note brilliance. It would be on my to-buy list if it weren't a fifty dollar Japanese import.

Elvin Jones passed away from heart failure at the age of 76 yesterday. A monster drummer, one of the greatest in the history of jazz, Jones had been ill for some time. "He's happy. No more suffering," said Keiko Jones, his wife of 38 years, in an obituary.

United States
>We Webderlanders are equal opportunity vilifiers<

One of the less attractive aspects of our group character, to be sure. It's nothing to trumpet, since the shit-listing almost always rings hollow.

Earl--
I know it may seem silly, but Herman Wouk's "Winds of War" really opened my eyes to what was probably going on in America before Pearl Harbor. In his eyes, the peace movement was not motivated idealistically, but politically. The pro-facists were saying,"Why should we send our boys to die in a Jewish war?" The communists were also saying we should stay out of it (before the invasion of Poland). Both groups were painting Roosevelt as a warmonger and political opportunist for giving England weapons on credit.

After reading this book one gets the feeling that if Hitler had not declared war on the US four days after Pearl Harbor, the US would have confined its military operations to the Pacific and made a deal with the Nazis, especially considering that they were on the brink of entering Moscow.

I realise Herman Wauk is only fiction, but I think there maybe alot of truth to it, especially with respect to public opinion.
If the Enterprise were to visit us today, what do you think Spock would tell us about what our policy should be in Iraq and the Middle East? Think about it--

Harlan's
Salutations Webderlanders:
If anyone is still looking for a copy of Harlan's "Infamy" essay, log in to your public and/or university's magazine article database. You should be able to find the essay.
Cheers, Colleen

P.S. An absolutely superb essay Harlan. You and Vonnegut have made my week.

Congrats, Harlan; and...
HARLAN: Congratulations on the Harvey Award nomination. I still think you should've won awards for "The Night of Thanks, But No Thanks" and "Funny Money"; but I don't read as widely in the field of comics as you and some others, so I can't sling criticism around too much. By the way. One of the books I got in the mails today was an anthology entitled HOT BLOOD, edited by Jeff Gelb and Lonn Friend. As you know, it includes a copy of your story, "Footsteps." Here's the kicker: in the bio section at the back, the piece on you ends with a list of the awards you've won. They mention the Hugos, Nebulas, WGAs and (I kid you not) "the Edgar Allen Poe Award." If Jesus were alive, he'd be weeping.
--DTS

Rob
We Webderlanders are equal opportunity vilifiers. Old dead Walt will have to get in line directly behind Mr. Heston who only appears to be dead.

Right now it's Rottenberry's turn.

But you knew that.

Respectfully,

Neal


P.S. Hi Cindy.

I really loved Tony Randall. What a damn drag it was losing him today.

On villifying Roddenberry!

Walt Disney played a role in the McCarthy witchunts yet I don't see anyone here trashing HIM.

Eric made a good point; overstatement - whether to extol or villify - gets really silly (save the villifying for people in the industry who really do deserve it, like Glen Larsen). Roddenberry, like many producers, probably stole credit on occasions where he didn't deserve it and capitalized on it (while the memory of Gene Coon, who was so instrumental in the course of TREK, got lost in the shuffle). But he did put creative energy into his property - even though it was scraped together from tried and true formulas of the 50's like Forbidden Planet and the kid vids like Rocky Jones, Space Patrol, and Captain Vidiot and his Wholesome Rangers. He wanted to give the show substance in a time - 1965 - when puerility and sci-fi were thought synonymous. And if only for writing a remarkably fine pilot - THE CAGE - and later THE MENAGERIE - the man deserves SOME appreciation. THE MENAGERIE remains by and large the finest episode of the series. It could only be matched by the best of THE OUTER LIMITS. Certainly, Roddenberry never hit that level of writing again.

...incidentally, you can go on and on and on about the rifts between our good patron and Roddenberry but I saw Harlan on Tom Snyder once say, "Gene's cool." So, let's be more evenhanded in the rhetoric and the barbs. Being real with the facts is one thing; but going haywire with the demonizing is another. Since when was commercial t.v. ever so virtuous?

RICH...

You don't wanna be 'ceptin' no apology from ME. It involves acts even the Marquis de Sade couldn't handle.

Congrats on the nomination.

Bill

VIC AND BLOOD ON THE FINAL BALLOT
Dear One and All:

Good News! VIC AND BLOOD (Edgeworks Abbey/ibooks) is on the final ballot for the Harvey Awards (Best Graphic Album Of Previously Published Work).

For those of you in the comics industry who would like to vote for the Harveys, go to: www.harveyawards.org.

>Angel Heart was based on a book? Stack one more on my list of Things To Read. That was a long time favorite movie - many thanks for the inadvertant revelation.

William Hjortsberg's novel "Falling Angel" is not as creepy as Alan Parker's film (also a favorite of mine, though I usually have some explaning to do when I tell people), but it's much wittier. Unlike the film, the novel takes place entirely in NYC, so you have things like voodoo rituals in Central Park and satanic ceremonies in abandoned subway tunnels. Also, the character of Epiphany Proudfoot is much stronger in the novel, not just a disposable sex toy as in the film

I won't give away any more. Read the book.

Rob,

Graeme is stomping you flat, man.

My index finger cramped just trying to scroll to the bottom of his last maître d'oeuvre.

He's doing multi-part stuff, too.

You gotta come out swinging or he's gonna bury you!

Lee

Discussion on the Edge of Forever

In Graeme's comments on "The City on the Edge of Forever", he asks why Trooper -- a character in Harlan's original Star Trek script, who was encountered by Kirk & Spock when they traveled to Depression-era America -- was made a veteran of the WWI battle of Verdun, which occurred before America's entry into the war.

I always figured Trooper was one of those idealistic young Americans who, in the early years of WWI, joined military outfits from Canada, the UK, or France, like the poet Alan Seeger, who joined the French Foreign Legion and was killed in action in 1916. Seeger wrote the poem "I Have a Rendezvous with Death":

"It may be he shall take my hand
And lead me into his dark land
And close my eyes and quench my breath--
It may be I shall pass him still.
I have a rendezvous with Death
On some scarred slope of battered hill,
When Spring comes round again this year
And the first meadow-flowers appear."

Trooper's character serves to represent what motivates Edith Keeler's peace movement in the story. Trooper exemplified one of humankind's highest ideals -- sacrifices made freely for strangers. Yet Trooper's rendezvous left him crippled and the Depression leaves him forgotten. Keeler wants to steer that powerful idealism away from war and into peaceful waters. Even if Kirk had explained the truth to her, that World War II was a necessary war, she never would have believed that it would lead to anything other than more Troopers trundling their carts down more dark and lonely streets.

Harlan's script is a rich source for historical speculation. For instance, since America got into WWII because of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, how could Edith Keeler's peace movement have delayed our entry? Well, how about this: suppose her movement was politically powerful enough by, say, 1940, that it dissuaded FDR from keeping the fleet in Hawaii and reinforcing the Philippines (he had enough trouble as it was helping the allies and preparing America). That turns the question around: if Japan didn't attack us, how would America have gotten into the war?

odds and ends and odds
Harlan: Not to pile question 'pon question but if Poe and Borges are literary father and grand, are there any persons you'd cite as literary mother and literary grandmother? Idle curiosity and aspirations of perspicacity prompt the question, so there's no urgency.

Rich - Oooh, I'm gonna come off looking like a dunce, but... Angel Heart was based on a book? Stack one more on my list of Things To Read. That was a long time favorite movie - many thanks for the inadvertant revelation.

Eric - riffing off your brother's comments on VH: A friend who saw the movie commented that it'd've been an improvement if it had been less concentrated in Eastern European, a possibility which is hinted at with (as I understand it, though haven't seen it) the Vatican's secret, multi-cultural society of holy types. I picture a scene inwhich a rabbi stands up and says something like 'oy - and we've got this golem that maybe you could do something about?' or a yogi requesting assistance with a naga infestation, etc etc. While this could be started with certain stereotypes there's lots of room for evolution for as we follow his adventures Van Helsing shifts from knee-jerk slayer of naughtiness to the straight-man in religious/cultural fish-out-of-water situations which underscore differing definitions of good/evil and the ways societies expect them to be dealt with. Bonus points for relating VH's actions with current international political yadda yadda. *shrug* Or, you know, whatever.

Incidently, I saw Kill Bill last night... I've no interest in starting a firestorm, so before I say aught, has this conversation been done here? If so, I'll keep mum.

Tom G.

Thank you for the kind words regarding Torcon 3 but in truth I had a fine team on my Press Gang...I was merely a Sparky Anderson to their Big Red Machine.

Jay Smith

It's George Lucas' candy story and he runs it his way. He doing the movies the way he always wanted to. The public will decide whether or not the next Star Wars film is any good. And it's WAAAAAAAY to early for me to even start thinking about it or all the pomp and hyperbole to come.

And if I were the editorial director of MSNBC's website and this peice of alleged journalism crossed my desk, Christopher Bahn would be demoted back to police beat reporting (preferably in South Central L.A.) where he can further hone those razor sharp insticts of his. We have other and better things to worry about besides that. Gheeeesh!

Very Sincerely,
Chris M.

Graeme, good comments on the original "City" script. I agree with most of them, except for Beckwith/LeBeque business. Fontana was right; this was a weekly series, and the main characters needed to be the prime movers. I think she also said had this been an Outer Limits script, it could have been made with almost no changes. But I like McCoy's part especially, and think it was an important episode for his character.

Keeping the Jewels of Sound would have been nice, and even if one wanted the regulars to remain "drug-free," McCoy could have accidentally over-dosed on the those, rather then some hypo of downers. Maybe they bust the dealer, McCoy is doing a lab analysis of the drugs, ship gets rocked, and wham! he gets a big jolt of Jewels. This would have made for an interesting soundtrack, as the doctor crazily made his way off the ship.

The other point I'd quibble on is who prevents Edith from getting saved. I agree with the producers that it had to be Kirk, because to my mind, it makes his inner turmoil (and resultant guilt) so much more powerful. Are any of US ready to let our lover die for the future of man? It's too easy to just stand by and let Spock do the nasty for us.

The richness of the story and its various iterations makes for great discussions like these. It's hard to imagine debating possible variations for "Spock's Brain."

Municipality on the City Limits of Forever
OK, Part 2 of yesterday's post: comments on the actual script

1) It's an expensive one, no doubt. And so is the version that was actually filmed. I'm no Bob Justman, but I don't see how Harlan's version would have been more expensive than what they actually filmed. He has a few things that obviously couldn't be done, like a valley full of 9 foot tall talking statues, but things like that could be fixed with a stroke of the pen, (or a bad matte painting), rather than a full rewrite. It looks like the rewrite was indeed done mainly for (un)-creative reasons, rather than budgetary ones, as we'd always been told.

2) Of the various story treatments, the one I like the best is the first, in which Beckwith is being taken to the Time Planet to be executed. The main screenplay is a bit confused in its sequence. In that one, Beckwith is seen murdering LeBeque, but nobody has the slightest idea *why* he did it (and they never get too curious either). He makes a run for the transporter room, and beams down to the Time Planet (that they just happen to be orbiting at the time), and makes a getaway.
The first treatment works better. In that one, Beckwith has already had his trial, everyone knows who he is and what he did and why. There's no ongoing mystery (in Kirk's mind) about why one of his crew would suddenly kill another one. They don't just happen to be orbiting the planet, they go there deliberately, without knowing its significance. It makes more sense that way. And the whole bit of Beckwith bragging about having a whole planet for his graveyard would have worked magnificently if they'd cast a sufficiently snotty actor in the role. I know, I know. No capital punishment in Star Trek. I still like it, though.

3) Dorothy Fontana, bless her heart, talks about the rewrite as being necessary because so much of the plot is driven by Beckwith, a character who is unfamiliar to the audience. This is fine for an anthology, but not for Star Trek, she says.
Well, tell that to Roddenberry. In his original series treatment for Trek (found in The Making of Star Trek), he describes the limitless potential of the format thusly: "As with "Gunsmoke"'s Dodge City, [and] "Kildare"'s Blair General Hospital, our Cruiser is a complete and highly varied community; we can, at any time, take our camera down a passageway and find a guest star (scientist, specialist, ordinary airman, passenger or stowaway) who can propel us into a new story."
This sounds *exactly* like what Harlan did with this story, so why is it suddenly wrong? Maybe because the sow wasn't nearly as limitless as they thought, and it ended up being so creatively straitjacketed that nobody on the ship but Kirk, Spock, or McCoy (and sometimes that old drug dealer, Scotty) could so much as blow their nose?

4) The similarity of the names Beckwith and LeBeque might have been a bit confusing onscreen. I bet one of them would have been changed eventually.

5) I'm not happy with the idea of how they discover the focal point in time in *any* version of the story. In Harlan's first treatment, the Guardians simply tell them that Edith Kessler [sic] is the focal point in time. That's a bit of a letdown.
In later versions, they give this cryptic clue about a blue stone (Blue's Clues?), and Kirk and Spock infer from that that Edith needs to die. Hmm, yeah but isn't there a big margin for error with something so nebulous? That might make a great Twilight Zone episode, in fact. Kirk and Spock see the blue stone, kill Edith, think their mission is accomplished, when *another* woman walks in wearing a blue stone and asking "So, did anything interesting happen while I was on vacation?" WHOOOOPS!
And then in Dorothy Fontana's version they get the information out of the tricorder records, which is a little better, but are we really supposed to believe that one guy, holding a tricorder managed to record EVERYTHING that happened in 1930? Did he get all newspapers published anywhere, or just the New York Times? Did he get the Collinsport Star and the Bloom Picayune too? And even if he did, is he supposed to have read every page of every paper looking for something relevant? Or did he just *happen* to get the right paper, or just *happen* to *see* the right article out of the thousands out there? Besides, if history was changed when McCoy jumped, then Spock never had an opportunity to record Edith's obituary in the first place. (Not to mention the incongruity of the tricorder having a video playback screen, but not being able to play back its records without hooking it up to another computer [??]). This doesn't really work either. I don't know what I'd like to see here.

6) I hate the Space Pirates subplot (which was forced on Harlan in the first place). What, having the entire ship edited out of history isn't dramatic enough?? That's a lot more unnerving than Long John Silver in space. Besides, the space pirates make no sense. If the Enterprise never existed at all, then in what sense is the "Condor" the "same" ship? Because it looks the same and uses the same sets? Yeah, but why should a completely different government design exactly the same ship in an alternate history that diverged 2 centuries ago? And what's it doing there now?
And the whole race against the clock concept (can they succeed in altering history before the transporter room is captured) doesn't work because the two events aren't going on simultaneously. The Space Pirates idea was later used to good effect in Mirror, Mirror, but it doesn't work here. In fact, Harlan deserves major Cooperativeness brownie points for agreeing to try to work something so dumb into such a good story.

7) It's a small point, but why Verdun? Why wasn't Trooper a veteran of the Argonne, or Bellau Wood, or Chateau Thierry, or some place where Americans actually fought in numbers? I keep wondering what an American was doing at Verdun. Not impossible, I guess, it just seems to beg some kind of explanation that isn't there.

8) Harlan's ending is vastly superior to the televised ending. Reminiscent of Lord of the Rings.
It's not only better writing, it's better **Star Trek**. Kirk was always a maverick break-the-rules-now-and-make-it-better-later type. Are you telling me he's just going to accept that Edith Keeler has to die, and tearfully carry it out? No way. The Kirk we know would save the girl now, and figure a way to fix history later. Not just Kirk. How many people are going to just toss a human life like that without even trying to explore possible alternatives? It isn't really strictly necessary that Edith die, after all. Only that she be stopped from creating this peace movement, and there are other possible ways of accomplishing that. Like taking her back to the future. Or if Kirk cares about her that much, staying in the past with her and trying to influence her behavior over time. Harlan got it right. Kirk would not have been able to pull the metaphorical trigger in the crunch. And come to think of it, I wouldn't really want him to. That's a job for Spock. So much for Harlan not understanding the show.

9) How exactly does Beckwith name his own doom (and is that like naming your own price for airline tickets?)? I'm a bit fuzzy on exactly why he ends up in the heart of a sun, and I'm not wild about that ending anyway. If I had my druthers, the show would end with them carrying out with his execution, as was intended originally (in the first treatment, at least). The whole episode would then have an "Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" quality to it. A grandiose fate for Beckwith seems to play against the grandiosity of what we've just seen. Something more mundane for Beckwith would work better for me.

10) At one point in the book, Harlan comments "If only time COULD be turned back." That gets me to wondering. Supposing it could. Suppose Harlan could go back to 1966, knowing what he knows now? What would he do differently? Refuse to write the story at all? Or do something else?
What would be really funny would be if Harlan could go back to **1964**, and submit the whole story, lock, stock and barrel to The Outer Limits, including the names "Kirk", "Spock", and "Enterprise".

Even split up into two parts, this came out as a long post, I'm afraid. I'm considering a vow of silence.

Wow. A huge attack on "Rise of the Empire"
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/4980465/

Can't say I disagree.

To anybody interested:

Michael Moore's new film got a 15 Minute standing ovation at Cannes. How about that?

From dvdfile.com:

"Making its DVD debut on July 27th is the classic Gary Cooper western They Came to Cordura. Featuring both 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen and 4:3 pan & scan transfers and a Dolby Digital 1.0 mono track, there are no extras aside from bonus trailers. Retail will cost you $19.95 worth of greenbacks."

Someone's paying attention.

Rob,
No, no. Quite alright. I do accept your apology.

HARLAN,
With the understanding of your reply to "What are you working on?", I must ask, nay, I am compelled to request and beseech you with an urgent inquiry into the furious workings of your labyrinthine mind...

What the fuck's going on with Vic and Blood?!? Are they alive? Are they dead? Will Vic find true love? Will Blood find a fire hydrant?

I beg of you, sir. Will we be seeing more of them? A simple yes or no will suffice (ah, but I have the selfish capacity to want more information, more, more, MORE!) to straighten my furrowed brow and to dispel that question mark hovering over my head as to the fate of those two Humans.

Seriously. Anything you got.

Bothersome and questioning, I remain
Sniffles the Mouse

SNAKE POKING
Not to indulge in such an activity, but Mark Twain, a man Harlan wishes he could have met, once said that he had no respect for anyone who only knew one way to spell a word. Pretty good?

Worldcon Press Coverage
Having been in a position at Torcon which required some minor interaction with Chris Barkley in his role as head of the Press Office, I'll confirm that he did an excellent job. Even without factoring in that he got the job only a week prior to the con and had to start everything in it from scratch. Then his performance review gets upgraded to remarkable. :-)

And just as an addition, the tabloid reporter he mentioned didn't just write a superficial slam job. Her piece was filled with definitive lies and inaccuracies, including what, from my personal knowledge of Chris, was a misquotation of him.

I'm sure the Ghost of Roddenberry could a shit what the mere mortals think of him.

>liar, conniver, cheat, swindler and thief Roddenberry really was<

This is one rotting mule that has been flogged a bit too often, especially on this board.

I'm not going to take the devil's advocate on this one, but I will caution against speaking such ill of the dead. Christ, the guy wasn't exactly Lavrenty Beria. He was a tv producer, and if he pissed off his share of writers, including the patron of this board, well, they've certainly had their say in the end, especially the patron of this board.

Save your venom for those who are really fucking people over in this world, and might even be alive to counter your contempt. Gene Roddenberry is a pretty wet target.

BIRD DROPPINGS
In the unlikely event that anyone bright enough to be a Webderlander in the first place still buys into the myth of Gene Roddenberry, the all-wise genius who created every last atom of the STAR TREK format, or universe, all by his little self, I commend to your attention, probably at any good library, a 1994 volume called GENE RODDENBERRY: THE MYTH AND THE MAN BEHIND STAR TREK. Written by Joel Engel, with comments by many, many people who suffered through working with the Great Bird of the Galaxy over the years, including a certain Mr. H. Ellison, whom some of you may have heard of, this book spells out just what a liar, conniver, cheat, swindler and thief Roddenberry really was. I really can't praise it, or recomend it, highly enogh ... if you want the truth.

This has been an Ellison Webderland special report.

sssshhh Alex, the spelling mavens are about: AFTERWORD.

Holmes / Houdini
According to this week's SCIFIWEEKLY, a third Holmes/Houdini novel has surfaced, this one by a Thomas Wheeler: Holmes and Houdini try to rescue H.P. Lovecraft.

Ready...Aim...

Rich - as Charles Dickinson said to Andrew Jackson, "you are a worthless scoundrel, a poltroon and a coward".

Beyond that I will assume Jackson's role on the field of honor:

Let the record state no apology of any kind was at any time offered Rich, as it was due from his end, and the court deprecates his manner.

New Ellison afterward
For the Ellison compleatists hereabouts, there's a new collection of Clifford Meth work, just out from Aardwolf Publishing. "God's 15 Minutes" concludes with a nice afterward by Harlan. I don't know how many are left--they're autographed by Meth, Mike Kaluta and Harlan--and mine is numbered 74/220. Hie thee to http://www.aardwolfpublishing.com as fast as your nimble little fingertips will take you. Yes, this is the edition that helps fund KICK.

You guys were mentioning the Ayn Rand cult a while back. Here is a laughable essay by one of her spermless progeny.

http://www.aynrand.org/objectivism/environmentalism.html

------------

You realize how boring the rest of us are, when Harlan mentions his many pursuits. You have a blessed life Harlan. We are all envious.

---------

So they find Sarin gas. Does that mean the left are fucked? Possible nibbled fingernails in the months to come.

Dragon*Con Pics
Jay Smith: You got it. D*C being primarily a media convention, those two legends are one of the main reasons I'm going. BTW, I took some pictures of Unca Harlan at D*C 2001, and you can see them at http://jamesmpalmer.tripod.com/pictures/ if you're so inclined.

Dragon*Con and Honeymoon
I have to change my plans and I won't be attending DragonCon. It will be the only chance I have to have a honeymoon this year.

If anyone could be so kind as to send me a photo with Uncle Harlan or Warren Ellis I'll pay you in gold pressed latinum.

City on the Edge of... well, you know.
Against my better judgment, I'm going to talk about "City on the Edge of Forever". I hate to touch one of Harlan's touchier works, but it was either that or "The Oscar", so let's go with City.

I read Harlan's book soon after the White Wolf edition came out. I'd heard for years that there'd been a creative controversy over it, and my understanding had always been that the original had been better as a story, but not as good as Star Trek. I'd also heard and believed (oh, the shame of it) the "Scotty dealing drugs" story, which was supposedly the quintessential example of how it wasn't good Star Trek.

Though I'm not a big Roddenberry fan, my sympathies were more with him going into the book; my feeling being that it was his show and his call on what appeared on his show. If he happened to prefer an inferior version of the story (especially one that was inferior only by comparison, since the televised version was pretty darn good), that's ultimately the Producer's call, I felt. I had more than one friend who felt the same way. Before I read the book, one friend who had, told me that Harlan was like the guy who'd won the Lottery, and was mad about it. He wrote one of the great TV segments of history. What's the problem?

When I read the book myself though, it soon became clear that there was more to it than that and that Harlan did indeed have VERY good reason to be upset about it. The creative dispute is debatable, but what's not debatable is that fact that for years Roddenberry had attacked both Harlan's professionalism (by saying that he refused to rewrite the script, when in fact he did), and his competence (by saying he didn't understand the show he was writing for, when in fact he did). Who wouldn't be upset about that?

While Roddenberry was credit-grabbing, Harlan seems to have been incredibly restrained. I'd never heard most of his story before his TV Guide article. Even in reading The Glass Teat and half of The Other Glass Teat, columns specifically about TV, I see Star Trek mentioned only once or twice, and never negatively. Nimoy's name comes up several times, always positively, and Roddenberry's not at all. For a guy who doesn't take things lying down, Harlan seems to have kept his bad experience mostly to himself.

The skewering of Roddenberry in the White Wolf book, as only Harlan can do it, was a joy to behold, and I quite felt that I'd gotten my money's worth before I even got around to the actual script. The script, though, is the meat of the book, and that's what I'd like to make some points about. Blast Harlan, anyway. I used to love the Thalidomide Baby version of this story, but between the screwing with the soundtrack they did several years back, and reading Harlan's original script, I can barely stand to even watch it any more. I harbour the secret hope that some day Harlan's version may actually be filmed as a special or something (which shows you just how far removed from reality I can get sometimes).

Actually, forget what I said about script comments. I wrote this post on Friday, but seeing how long it was (and having already written two long posts last week), I decided to shut up for 3 days, and then to break this post up into two separate pieces this week, so as not to monopolize. So, title this piece "Part 1: The Stuff That Everybody Already Knows, That I Wanted To Say I Agreed With" (even my titles are wordy), and tomorrow I'll do "Part II: Comments on the Script".

One other note, about this Faisal business. See Harlan's comments in this very book about directors liking to think it's they who have the vision, when without the writer, they'd be filming two hours of organ music or something. In this case, the fact that the director refused to so much as meet with the writer even before the production really speaks volumes, doesn't it? Roddenberry wasn't the only credit-grabber out there.

Faisal, the best of luck with your difficulties.

As for Atlanta, I will be attending this year as well (sheesh - my 4th one already?) I'd love to get together with anyone else who's managed to survive Harlan and Warren Ellis at the same convention.

Regards,
Joseph

Washu: Your question was directed towards our host, but I couldn't resist commenting on my favorite literary beast: Count Dracula. He's survived countless incarnations and interpretations and is still the template for the perfect villain. I even think his combination of nobility and arrogance inspired the creation of another great villain from a different medium, Dr. Doom.

Rob,
I accept your apology.

A-TC,
Thanks for the title. I'll have to check that out.

And the Writer's Digetst interview with HE was pretty damn good.

Faisal:

Sorry you had to be on the receiving end of such dastardly behavior. Many good wishes for you to at least give the bastards a bloody nose.

Keep your chin up. You won't taste the sewage that way.

Chuck

Thanks for the kind words and sympathies but in this case the confedracy of imbecile will probably win. All I'm doing is trying to prevent a home run.

Harlan, thank you for the offer of support. I doubt there is anything you can do Stateside. I am a member of the WGGB and they do know about what has happened. The UKFC is not willing to budge even for them. I probably can't talk about their advice on this forum. Heck, BECTU (media trade union), WGGB and WEV (ethnic minority media organisation) have all communicated with the UKFC on this issue but they don't care to hear.

Apologies to Rick for posting twice.

FAQ

Just an example of how one thing leads to another...

HARLAN,

Do you happen to have a favourite literary monster? By "monster", I don't mean in the sense of Ed Gein or Josef Mengele, but a character who is defined and branded as a monster simply because they are not, in the traditional understanding of the word, "human". Characters such as Frankenstein's Creature, or the Invisible Man, or Mr. Hyde, or even Gregor Samsa. I'd be intrigued to know.

Recommends
Direct to Harlan:

Coolness. Gives me the opp to thank you for several cool recommendations you've passed me, now and again, including Prokosch's SEVEN WHO FLED; Frankenheimer's SECONDS and THE TRAIN; the works of Cornell Woolrich; and the wonderful THEY CAME TO CORDURA with Gary Cooper. All followed, all appreciated. If I must mention one, I would mention THEY CAME TO CORDURA as a film I probably never would have encountered, without that pointed finger, and woo have I become messianic on that topic. Would have followed up on your multifold recommendations of Donald Westlake, had I not already become a passenger on that marvelous train many years ago. (It has occurred to me, btw, that with some of his recent novels including THE AX and THE HOOK, he has become even better than he was before, which is saying a lot...)

Will ask if you've checked out PERDIDO STREET STATION, a novel that strikes me as especially likely to push your amazement buttons.

DAN THORNE and ADAM-TROY CASTRO: Thank you for the casual post recommendations of THE HUMBUG and Daniel Stashower's novel, THE ADVENTURE OF THE ECTOPLASMIC MAN. I've ordered both.

Synchronistically, Adam, just two weks ago, back East for Otto Penzler's wedding, while part of the huge crowd leaving Holy Trinity Church and ambling up Central Park West to the traffic crosswalk that would permit us to reach The Tavern on the Green where the reception had been laid, I began idly chatting with a man and a woman who happened to fall in along beside me (Susan was back in the crowd somewhere with Dutch Leonard and Peter Straub). Charming guy, and I did what Susan snottily refers to as my "truly alarming penchant for engaging total strangers in disconnected, non sequitur conversations..." thereby, according to her, "alarming them to the point that they bolt."

I think this is a harsh appraisal. Nonetheless...

When I asked him his name, he said, "Daniel Stashower," and I gave a yelp and proceeded to slobber all over him with unalloyed admiration for his wonderful Houdini mystery novels. He asked MY name...and when I said, "Harlan Ellison," HE yelped and began returning the admiration slobber. It was a great moment. I am a B I G fan of Stashower's mysteries, and knew nothing of THE ADVENTURE OF THE ECTOPLASMIC MAN. So a hardcover copy is winging its way to me even as I prate.

I thank the both of you for the recommends. Yr. pal, Harlan
----------------------------------------------------------------
P.S. It occurs to me that I never thanked Barney for several similar mentions of books that I've obtained strictly on his recommend. Thanks, Barn. Mit luff, Harlan

Did you all know that George Orwell hated using semicolons?

Your grammar history link for today.

FAISAL'S PLIGHT

My friend: Your imbroglio parallels hundreds of similar I've tracked over the past thirty-plus years. It is common, but no less nauseating and infuriating each time it diminishes a writer.

I don't know all the specifics of your situation and its history, but the obvious question I ask -- out of confusion, and in hopes of suggesting a plan of attack for justice -- is this:

Have you appealed to the U.K. Writers Guild, which is affiliated with the Writers Guild of America? If so, what did they say? If not, why haven't you? Are you a member? If not, why not?

Please let me know, BRIEFLY, and as clearly as possible, the answers to these queries. I may be able to help, through the WGAw. Perhaps jurisdictional and obfuscatory roadblocks will put this avenue of challenge off-limits to you (and me), but at least I can try.

I'd like to try. Can you hear my blood boiling?

In your debt for past kindnesses, and anxious to assist if at all possible, I remain, Yr. pal, Harlan

Faisal, you have to wonder how people can get away with that sort of thing, there are not enough laws to protect writers and their intellectual property. I hope you can find a way not to get ulcers from this experience. Take a deep breath and repeat over and over "I have integrity and they suck."

As for a connection to this forum, since that's how Cordwainer Bird came to be, you are in good company.

Faisal or Brad Pitt? Tough choice, given that Pitt owns and has restored the Blacker House, a classic Greene and Greene design in Southern California.

Okay, okay, I give. It's always been you, Faisal dearest.

To Alx, re Busy. Yep, I am. Between the reading I gotta do for the Hugo panel, the job hunt, the woodworking, the girlfriend, the mom's estate, and the outreach committee, and I'll be busy for a while. Whew.

Followups to Faisal A. Qureshi, Robert Morales, Roger Gjovig, Tim

Faisal A. Qureshi,

As Dan Rather would say: “Courage.” And to keep up with Dan Rather sayings, I’d say that you got “What’s-the-frequency,-Kenneth”ed by that whole posse of talentless drones who think of themselves as artists. It seems the more talented you are, the more advanced you are than everyone else, and the more you put yourself into something worthwhile, the more you can get screwed. I mean, if you wrote “Porkey's” and someone re-wrote you, you could smile all the way to the bank and not give a pimples puss what they did to you.

Oh, yeah: Brad Pit or you? YOU. (but I see your point)

Robert Morales,

Thanks for your continued links to interesting and relevant info. Even if you just enrich me, I’m down with that. Thanks!

Roger Gjovig,

I’m also going to be at DragonCon. I’m flying in on September 3rd and leaving on the 7th. I can’t wait to see Harlan in Action again. Last time was at SciCon 7 in VA Beach, and I was not disappointed. I showed up right at the time he was scheduled to speak, and I had to stand in the back of the sizable ballroom. At the time he and Susan were still dating, and he introduced her as (see if I can remember this), “The lady over on the side of the room with the big box between her legs.” Susan, of course, had a box of HE merchandise on the floor in front of the chair, which she was straddling, and Harlan’s innocent statement was lost on more than half of the seated audience members who immediately let out a collective bawdy chuckle.

I think we who enjoy this forum should get together one night for cokes or dinner. I’d love to meet the wackydoodles who populate this place.

Timothy Walker,

Harlan has turned me on to many artists, of which Dan Simmons, Gerald Kersh, and Henry James come immediately to mind. I only have one of Kersh’s books (“Night and the City”), but I am looking for more. Harlan also turned me on to the “Skeptical Inquirer”, and tangential to that, “Free Inquiry.”

I find it amusing when I read references by Harlan to things which I already have, like “Paradigms Lost”. I would bet that Harlan has “The Tangled Wing” by Melvin Konner, even though I’ve never read any reference to it by him. BTW, if you don’t have that book, it’s very juicy and interesting. It is to human nature what “Paradigms Lost” is to physical science.

Alex Jay Berman,

Okay, you can’t drop a reference to a "Grammar is my Bitch" t-shirt and not give more details. I want one! Where can I buy one?

I forgot about the happy occurrence that transpired last Thursday, what with the hurricane of activity that whirls around our house:

Congratulations of your wedding, Pam and Jay Smith!!!!

Our best hopes for a long and happy union for the two of you.

Love and happiness to both of you, Melissa, who knows ceramics is spelled as such.

Alex, Brian,

I have friends and colleagues on both newspapers. Luckily they don't work in the film section. Better to do two page photo spreads on Troy then have a serious look at the operations of RSA's and supporting grassroots film making as well as fufilling their remit to cultural diversity. Heck if you had the choice of Brad Pitt and me, which would you choose?

FAQ

FAISAL: Brian beat me to it--as I read what you posted, I IMMEDIATELY thought, "The Guardian or Independent would LOVE a piece like this ..." Rake 'em, baby. Make 'em pay.
(And I second the idea of crediting it as "Cordwainer Asfour" ...)

BRIAN: Well, if things aren't too terribly busy, yeah. Do some shaking.
(I would have been going to all the PSFS meetings had the yipyops in Management at work not stolen away my Alternative Work SAchedule and my Fridays off ... dammit.

STEVE: There is a reason that I signed up to get a couple of the great-looking "Grammar is my Bitch" t-shirts a cyberfriend just had done up ...

Timothy Walker

Jon Bell kicked off a pretty good “what are we reading now” response on May 1st. I’m not sure what you mean by “prompted solely by references or recommendations from Harlan's writing” but May 1 to May 9 gives a good bunch of reading lists by Ellison fans.

Hey Everybody,

There are many good reasons to observe grammar precisely--clarity and courtesy are foremost for me--but we cannot follow everything from our eighth grade grammar teacher absolutely. I've read countless sentences that start with "And" and "But" in professional prose, and that's because the cadence of the lines works that way. I've read endless examples of coordinating conjunctions placed with no preceding comma and introductory clauses that are blended right into the sentence. I'm not advocating chaos here, I'm just suggesting that great writers (eg. Harlan) know the rules and can break them for effect. And that's the name of that tune.

If thou wolt werken after loore and reed, thou mayst see that alle I seith is ful trewe. Now let us be myrie and speke of myrthe, and stynt al this.

Steve Dooner

Dragon-Con: despite the marvy Alison Krause song, I won't be able to get to Atlanta, although I'm glad to see HE still makes the tours...he cares.

FAQ, sorry you got hosed by the system. Sue somebody, then you know you are part of the scene. Sad but true. If there's a bright side, it's that a project you were involved with is at Cannes. Could be a start, no matter how annoying.

My 14-movie Universal legacy set arrived a few days ago. Sorry Adam T-C, but "Van Helsing" still is better than some of these hoary old classics, especially stuff like "Son of Dracula." I'll take CGI-cheese and Kate Beckinsale over an overly-sincere Lon Chaney in the same damn shirt any day. But the whole Universal pantheon is truly an example of the sum being greater than the parts...there's about four re-watchable movies, the rest dross, but I wouldn't do without ANY of them, and I love the busts that came with this set.

My brother kept complaining that the Mummy was gypped, why wasn't he included in the set, is he second-tier, is he getting disrespected, and I tried to explain that Central Europe and Egypt are just too different to broach for a boxed set, but it was going nowhere, he wouldn't aquiesce to the scheme, so we put on Last Tango in Paris and watched Brando get frigged while raving about pork puke. Highly recommended when you tire of Maria Ouspenskaya mugging in gypsy drag.

Fondly, E

Faisal,
I'm sorry you had to endure that. You're a good guy who uses his heart ALONG with his head; in the end you'll win. I believe that.

Cindy


All of y'all,

Did you see the Preakness???? How 'bout that Smarty Jones?

I want to name my colt "Uncle Einar's Wings"-- would that be politically correct? He's bred to fly. Do you think Mr.Bradbury would be displeased?

Cindy



Mark Walsh,
A lion's share of your comeuppance belonged on my back. I wrote a sentence fragment beginning with "And" . Your insignificant faux pas was a whoopie cushion to MY Enola Gay deposit.

Don't feel badly.

yer pal,
Cindy

For years I've been wondering how I might get HE to my town, and the answer was here all along. Harlan, if I commit gross errors of spelling, grammar, and fact, and exhibit more uninformed opinions than brain cells, if you have the means to find me, d'you think you (and goons) might drop in when you're in the area and, after you've placed a turd in my gruel-bowl, maybe stay for a speaking engagement and a few rounds of 301?

Leapin' Into the Fray
Greetings, all.

I've been reading and enjoying the posts here for the past few weeks, and I must admit they're uniformly entertaining. Hell, it's worth the price of admission just to see HE himself posting and involving himself in the ongoing discussions, contrary to all those who believe (wrongly) that he's some sort of cowering luddite.

I'd like to ask the readers here to name a few writers and their works which you have sought out and enjoyed, prompted solely by references or recommendations from Harlan's writing. As much as I enjoy Ellison's work, I feel doubly enriched that he's introduced me to so many other writers over the years.

A short list of my own:

PARADIGMS LOST by John Simon
PARTICLE THEORY by Edward Bryant
"The Secret Integration" by Thomas Pynchon
Various works by Jorge Luis Borges, especially FICCIONES
LIMBO by Bernard Wolfe
OUR LADY OF DARKNESS by Fritz Leiber

Anyone else?

Yours,
Tim Walker

I made my payment by paypal last night to make my reservation for Dragoncon. I've also contacted some good friends of mine who live in Atlanta that I'll be staying with, so I'm all set. Looking forward very much to seeing Harlan and Susan and meeting some of you. I've seen Harlan and Susan and quite a few times at conventions and personal appearances around the country and have always enjoyed the experience. See you all very soon. Roger

Faisal:

Gods, I feel for you. I guess the only advice I have is to keep climbing that huge dungheap that Harlan once referred to in "Somehow, I Don't Think We're In Kansas, Toto", and hope there's a whiff of rose for a reward.

Until then, might I suggest Cordwainer Farouk for a writing moniker?

Stay with it, you'll get your due.

Husband's spending the afternoon being repeatedly immersed in water in a fuselage mockup, trying to extricate himself and his dummy passengers from a theoretical watery grave. He says it's a fun version of "Fear Factor", the prize being the passage of another step toward his licence. It just gives me the creeps. There's a downside to everything, I suppose.

For me, the work goes on. I'm now volunteering to teach a class in cermanics and glazing at our seniors center. A good way for me and the charges in residence to keep a bit more active.

Melissa

Fyi, everyone - Library of Alexandria found:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/3707641.stm

Harlan: thanks for the answer. It wasn't until after I'd posted the question that I remembered _The Last Dangerous Visions_, and thought, "I hope I didn't rub a nerve."

This did remind me of something else. I remembered an interview a loooooong time ago, where you said you were doing a novel called _Shrikes_. Did this turn out as "Mefisto in Onyx"?

Faisal gave me a running commentary on his tale as it was happening. It seems to me that, until this film got to Cannes, his sticking to principles wasn't going to have the same rub it has now. And as it remains to be seen that the film will or will not make any great splash at Cannes, one hopes that it won't hurt him to much.

But as I read Faisal's account, I kept seeing a headline in the _Guardain_: "Ninety-Seond Minute is a gripping, frightening film that's caught raves at Cannes. So why doesn't it have a screenwriters' credit?" Thereupon follows an interview with Faisal, wherein the account of the screwing gets aired.

Faisal, I say, if that film gets any attention, you capitalize on it _and_ your sticking to principles.

On a relatd note. I was at the Philly SF society meeting last night. We were discussing finding a new meeting place, and one of the locations is an arts center on the Univ of Penn campus. Its director is friends with our President, and she really, really wants us to meet there. They could do publicity for us, and we'd be in with a great number of other organizations in the Philadelphia arts community...

Then someone pipes up "We're in the _arts community_?"

Well, yes, we are. But we also seem to be a pretty insular group that just wants to have our club without any influence from the outside world. I find myself wanting to getmore involved and maybe shake things up for the better... but would it be worth the effort? I mean, I'm very busy these days, what with the job hunt, the woodworking, the community stuff....

How to really get screwed....
Man oh man....

This is a bitch. I hearwith apologise to the patron of this board and Webmessr Rick Wyatt for polluting the bandwidth with this.

The Cannes Film Festival is currently taking place. I've never been to it, I've only ever attended one festival proper and that was Venice when I was invited to catch A.I. Theres the impression that Cannes is where it's happening and if you're really serious about the business, you have to go to Cannes.

Well, I never found a good reason or excuse to visit the place. The stories I heard always made it seem like an excuse to go from one party to another, hang around other english speaking folk and generally slither up to the prettiest girl around and brag about your non-existent "development slate" and maybe she'll sit on your face to get on board as a coffee pimp (aka Runner aka Production Assistant). Experienced voices tell me that the only good reason to go to Cannes is if you have a film.

And this year, I have a film there.

Except it ain't mine. Cause it don't have my name on it.

(Why that is we'll come to later...)

I won't go too much into the UK film industry but some bright spark came up with the idea of reinvigorating the UK talent pool by setting up publically funded Regional Screen Agency. My local one, North West Vision, is there with a film based on my script.

The film, titled 90 Second Minute, is screening at the Short Film Corner on the 20th April 2004 and is supported by the UK Film Council, North West Vision and L.A Productions. It's directed by a dude, Tony Lloyd, a dude I never met and who refused to meet me.

It's got two lead actors in it. Two leads who I wrote as two ethnic minorities but being played by two white dudes who got a little tanned up. Barely.

Suffice to say I was cut off from the production by L.A. and this behaviour was supported by NWV. I won't go too much into the detail but when the final cut was shown to me (by having a VHS stolen), I went ballistic. They changed the ethnic make up of the cast and put a political spin that I could not endorse or believe in.

When I complained, I screamed "this is an issue of racial insensitivity and also, who are you to put a political POV I cannot possibly share!" They said, "We can. Fuck off scribbler". And they did. I said I'm going to remove my name from the film. My dad's been working here years and suffered racial abuse from the NHS and tolerated it to see his kids don't suffer from it. I had it plenty of times and now I'm calling them out on it. A publically funded organisation that claims it supports cultural diversity to be built on a weak foundation.

The final film is the showcase film for North West Vision. The behaviour of the director and production team is condoned by NWV whose behaviour is condoned by the UK Film Council (the publically funded body that is tasked by the goverment to reinvigorate the UK Film Industry). As for me, I've been informed that I ain't even getting an apology. Oh yes I have been screwed but I just get told to live with it.

I was in a lose-lose situation. If I put my name on the film, it condoned the racially insensitive behaviour that occured during the production

(And before anyone asks what was so racially insensitive about this behaviour? I cite the final script to the finished film as well as other evidence which I won't go in at this forum. Just humour me on this one. I've been screwed in the past but took it and carried on. What pisses me off is the racial component. Especially as it comes from a bunch of bureocrats who apparently have an obligation to show cultural diversity. My ass!).

If I don't put my name on the film, the production team still get away with it.

And they have. The film is to be shown and I have been informed that the folks responsible are now in Cannes on an expenses paid trip to profit from it. I've been told the final film will probably get a BAFTA nomination.

But it exists without a writers credit. That's the only protest I could have made. The UK Film Council told me that I couldn't even have the luxury of a pseudonym.

As for the director. I never met him. He completely refused to meet with me before, during and after the production. He did give me a phone call demanding that we meet after he handed in his cut and I sent my initial letter complaining. I got the vibe that the meting would do more good for him then for me. I told him, politely, I wasn't interested. He promised to send me a letter. That was over six months ago. I'm sure he's enjoying himself right now.

FAQ

P.S.

And to have a tenous link to this forum, apparently the folks who fucked me over are also Babylon Five fans. Don't know what that can say about them. Apparently Jeffrey Dahmer was heavily influenced by Exorcist II: The Heretic. I still can't see why.

Cicadas, Splleing, and Politics
At lnog lsat, teh atnicpitaed 2004 cicada srwam is uopn me! I saw my fsirt lvie ciacda tadoy as I wnet out to garb a coffee and a duohgnut and a Whsaigtnon Post. I’m in Nrtohern Virginia, and I’ve been atnicpiating this day snice last Nveomber, when I frist read about it. My mthoer, in Eastern Tnneessee, said they bgean to eemrge 2 wekes ago, and as she lives in the mddile of 3 frams, tehre was quite the buzz from these little guys. It is etsimtaed that up to 1 miillon cicadas will emrege from every unedvepoled acre of ground. She cloudn’t walk from the car to the huose whtiout neldeessly slahgutering hurdneds. Good thing she’s not a Budihdst.

The cicadas were here last in 1987, the year after I graduated high school. I found it interesting at the time that these insects (insects, not bugs, because how can a phenomenal insect like the cicada be called a bug, except by my mother?) would not be seen again for 17 years. That they would mate, lay eggs, and their larva would feast on new growth trees and shrubs before dropping to the ground and burrowing down in the dirt to suck on a root and hibernate for 17 years. They live there for 17 years, and then they emerge all at once when the ground warms past a constant 64 degrees Fahrenheit. I’ve read captivating science fiction most of my life, but the wonders of life on Earth still take my breath away.

Anybody else in the Northeast experiencing the cicada thrill?

This whole spelling thing has now gone up to the White House, and our chief executive has made his pronouncements. Was it okay to laugh? Because I was on the floor. It WAS tongue in cheek, right? Edgar Allen Poe actually preferred to be called Dave, and nobody can argue with me. I’m the guy who places the rose every year. Spelling and grammar have never been my strong suit, as JK of this forum will attest. We all have our talents. I’m a great driver and a fantastic lover. Bush is a great imbecile. Kerry is a fantastic fry cook, I hear, and Cheney is the best S&M gimp in the Republican Party (or so I’ve heard). Karl Rove has been caught on more than one occasion masturbating to a pocket Mapplethorpe retrospective in public restrooms, which makes him the greatest hypocrite ever. I’m sure there are others.

Politics:

I don’t debate politics here, but I’m going to throw this out for comment:

A Cup of Martian Coffee, please.

I expect President Bush will announce any day now that there was life on Mars. With mounting evidence that there was water on Mars, the Bush Administration should consider the latest findings from Spirit and Opportunity the “smoking gun” that there is, or was, life on the red planet. After all, with less evidence of weapons of mass destruction we went to war with Iraq. Bush committed our men and women in the military to a costly task with the surety of a man walking into a flat, verdant and expansive mine-field.

Bush has no idea how to think critically, how to organize his thoughts, and how to communicate them. He does not know how to weigh evidence. If an advisor had an agenda to carry out, Bush would be a pushover because he doesn’t have the intellect to sift the sand from the turds. His simpleminded disregard for briefs and memoranda prepared by his staff and his Cabinet is legendary, and has been reported by more than one source. Nobody in their right mind said there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. The evidence didn’t back it up. Did bush avoid reading those briefs? Did he read them and disregard their contents? Did he read them and fail to comprehend their contents? What was going on in his mind when considering weapons of mass destruction, vs. when he was apprised of Osama bin Laden’s intent to strike the USA? In one instance he ignored a clearly printed threat, and in the other he envisioned weapons of mass destruction when no evidence pointed to it.

The only other explanation of why he prosecuted war on Iraq besides incompetence and a lack of clear thinking is that he was working an agenda; either his own, or an advisor’s. If that is the case, he deliberately lied to the world, and the American people.

Is this the man we want to lead our country? Our last President lied to us and we tried to impeach him. He had consensual whatever-he-called-it, and lied to us about it. Should we demand any less of our current President? Clinton’s lie hurt nobody but himself. So far, Bush’s lie or mistake has cost the lives of 782 American soldiers (http://lunaville.org/warcasualties/Summary.aspx), and tens of thousands of Iraqi deaths. How many Iraqi’s did Saddam Hussein kill? Does Bush feel the pain in his compassionately conservative head? Does he feel the responsibility?

The secondary question of whether or not Saddam Hussein should have been removed from power is not relevant here. There are a dozen leaders and ex-leaders in the world now that are, or were, far more dangerous to their citizens than Hussein was. But they don’t sit on top of the black gold. Our selective “morality” has picked Hussein to depose because he has what we covet, and that is oil. We left Afghanistan and Osama bin Laden for ………IRAQ? Why didn’t we go get Osama? Afghanistan doesn’t have the oil resources that Iraq has.

Now everybody should go read Kurt Vonnegut’s article Bob Morales turned us onto a few days ago. If you don’t want to trace back, here’s the link again: http://www.inthesetimes.com/site/main/article/cold_turkey

ONE QUESTION...
...about a man who posts the types of messages that Harlan has recently posted, regarding spelling tips and the like:

How can you help but love him?

I was looking at Poe's biography and noticed an interesting thing: Poe's father was part of a company called Ellis And Allan. Ellis--Ellison. Pretty eeerie, eh. ehehe.

------------------

"If this were a dictatorship, it would be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator."

"History, we don’t know. We’ll all be dead."

George W. Bush.

And --
Forgot to say, the Hjortsberg (sp) was not the Houdini/Holmes book I had in mind. It was THE ADVENTURE OF THE ECTOPLASMIC MAN by Stashower. Watson has some heroic (and some dense) moments in that one.

Stuff
Ooh, I remember that lady's article. Beyond bigoted. Glad to hear she got some kind of comeuppance.

While we're yanking everyone's chains over typo's/misspellings, I couldn't help notice that Rick's spelling of "occaissional" (which I pointed out about a year ago! [ahem]) still exists on the Webderland Forum Index page.

On the subject of Mr. Poe, I'd like to recommend The Humbug by Harold Schechter. Poe and P.T. Barnum team up to solve a series of brutal murders in NY in 1850. Narrated in first person by Poe, Schechter does a masterful job emulating Poe's voice and eloquence. Peppered with enough freaks, geeks, and red herrings to make Penn and Teller proud!

Thanks, thanks and more thanks
To all my good friends who sent good wishes after I posted the good news. Thankyew, thankyew, thankyew, and my apologies for taking so long to post this. Now that I'm working again, I've been spending a lot of time lining up new work. Try doing virtually nothing for close to two years--it's hard to start up again. The engines have cooled, the gears are rusted, and the ball bearings are shot.

Along those lines, though--I'll be at the BEA this year. If anyone else around here is going, gimme a shout, via email or on the horn. I'll be at the Hotel 71 in Chicago during the show.

The board's scrolled so many times since my last interjection, I'm afraid to say much. Especially when Harlan is feeling ornery. Shit, did I spell that right?

Brian, I see you're on a job hunt. Best of luck, sir!

Chris, I make it to few SF cons these days. I used to be involved in the running of ConFusion, up in Ann Arbor, Michigan. This was so long ago that the kids running it these days weren't born, mind you. It was so long ago, that the convention's founder and I were co-editors on a magazine soon after.

Ann Arbor may be a big college town, but it's a small town as well. With small town newspapers. One of my favorite media screw-ups came when the local paper mixed up Dean McLaughlin's picture with Poul Anderson's. Dean said he hadn't looked so good in years. Another time, the paper published the wrong dates for the convention.

I'm sure you know that the media problems are the most minor for a con. When the Stilyagi Air Corps, sponsors of the event, voted to offer me the chairmanship one year, I was surreptitiously delighted to say I couldn't do it, because I was leaving town with my fresh, sparkling and useless M.A.

Why do people like to run conventions? It's a major pain in the butt, for people involved from the top to the bottom.

Strolling Through The Memetic Minefield

MARK,

I as a rule am a HUMBLE guy and not one quick to gloat...

Yet, when it becomes an issue of the prudent path I must say I believe you could have avoided this little domestic thing if you hadn't involved yourself with that creep Rich: he dumbed you down, man. That's the reason you fucked up. Hey, it's a sound theory. You interact with illogical people who baselessly disparage their betters because they can't follow anything and your faculties go. Uncle Karma gets pissed. There's a word for this unique type of contagion: MEMETIC. A meme - a catchall term - is used to represent any of the various beliefs or prejudices that may exist in a person's mind and which tends to spread like a kick-ass virus from person to person. Dumbness is just as infectious.

It follows, then, had you looked to ME for engaging conversation your brain would have been with it. 'Allan' never would have been a problem. (If this doesn't make sense I don't know what does)

Now...sadly...I'm afraid we just won't look at you the same way again.

(But I still like you very much)

MAY ISSUE OF WRITER'S DIGEST MAGAZINE
HARLAN: NOoticed that an interview with you by Robert Bly ran in the May "Writer's Digest" -- just a heads up, in case they didn't let you know yet (Of course, if I missed a note elsewhere on the board -- or already forgot a mention of it in the last HERC mailing -- then I'm the Johnny-come-lately). Too bad the intro by one Brian A. Klems didn't mention the LATEST developments in your suit against AOL (it mentions the 2002 decision and then stops short). There IS an online version at www.writersdigest.com/articles/ellison.asp
I haven't checked that version out yet -- maybe they fixed the oversite. Good interview, otherwise.
--Dorman (aka, Labialickingmonkey#112)

P.S. Anybody else lookin' to poke the snake?

ED:

"Sufered" is Olde Chaucerian for "tolerated."

ED:

"Bite me" is Olde Ellisonian for "bite me, thou stinkard what canst wait to find pass to ridicule thy betters passim their grande efforts to improve thy pustulent wormlike existence."

I also dropped a cap-G in my follow-up post, you sooty-measured mountebank. Jump on THAT one, hehehe.

Wishing you a turd in your gruelbowl, I remain, literater than thou, Harlan

HARLAN: I apologize for misspelling the Allan in Edgar Allan Poe. It will not happen again.

Mark W.

I ain't touchin' that one. Nuh-uh.

I just can't resist.
Here I was all ready to make a wisecrack about Woody Allan, when I read HE's post more carefully and noticed something right towards the end. I assume it's a test and HE meant to do that.

Re: PROOF YOUR FUCKING CHAT BEFORE YOU SEND IT

This from a man who misspelled "suffered" in the same post. Hehehe.

Where was I?

Oh, yes, there's my brain, all pooled on the linoleum. ive me just a minim to sop it up and squeeze it outta this sponge, back twixt mine ears.

Aaaaah, MUCH better.

Brian Siano: Yeah, your surmise is part of it; yet it's one of the lesser, smaller parts of it. I think the overwhelming reason I tend not to talk about "what am I doing now" is that it has summat greater than the faintness of odor of hubris about it. What AM IIIIIIII DOING, allow me to run my credentials from on high. It troubles me, so I usually just shine it on. And there's the not inconsiderable pain-in-the-ass aspect that, should the work be delayed, there will surely rain on me the cackling queries where is it where is it ellison's late again blahblahimbecilicblah. The times I've actually trumpeted "what I am doing now," I often got myself productively sidetracked with other matters, or health, or whatever, and wound up being, for instance, a 30-year joke-butt because of THE LAST DANGEROUS VISIONS.

WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON NOW is a dangerous dangerous, seemingly innocent but fang-filled trap I've ceased falling into.

Yr. pal, Harlan














































So, unless something is actually done -- such as my STRANGE SCHWARTZ STORIES comic for DC in August, I just fumfuh and obfuscate.

Yr. pal, Harlan

MARK WALSH UGLY TYPO

WALSH, YOU IDIOT, YOU GOMER, YOU PINATA!!!!!!!!!

It's ALLAN

not "Allen"


Edgar ALLAN Poe

not "Edgar Allen Poe"

for the 149,555th fucking time on this bulletin board!!!!!

A A A A A A A A A not EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

GODAMMIT, is it THAT fucking hard to pay attention to a name you've scanned a million times since you were a kid in junior high and they gave you "The Tell-Tale Heart" to read?????? Do you read but not see...do you see but not observe...do you observe but not cognate...do you cognate but not permit pre-frontal penetration? LOOK! PAY ATTENTION! This, and similar dopinesses will no longer be sufered here! I have the means to find you! No punishment will be considered adequate. PROOF YOUR FUCKING CHAT BEFORE YOU SEND IT, YOU MEMBERS OF THE NOWNOWNOW I GOTTA SAY IT NOWNOWNOW GENERATION!

Pause. Copyedit. Proof. Vet. Check. I'm warning you. The lot of you, each and every one of you. I've reached fulmination stage. Patience gone. Anger massive. Sentences truncated.

It's ALLAN, not "Allen."

I have grammar and typo and punctuation police who will beat the shit out of you with batons and truncheons if you sloppy this way ever again...ANY OF YOU!!!!!

It was his stepfather's family name: A-L-L-EEEEEEEEEE-N! Allen.

Gahdamnsumbitchmuddlefugincogsugginlabialappinilliteratemonkeys!

Politely, Harlan ALLEN Ellison

All kindsa things
RICH: regarding Mickey Rourke. I thought he was terrific in quite a few films, including "A Prayer for the Dying" (which got goofy, script-wise, near the end) and "Barfly." He's explained what happened to himself and his acting career elsewhere -- it was the failed boxing career and his own need to live up to the machismo factor.

ALL: Don't know if I mentioned this one before, but THE SHADOW OF THE WIND by Carlos Ruiz Zafon is pretty freakin' terrific. Stephen King gives a favorable review of it in his column in the latest "EW." Speaking of King, he's been writing some pretty damned good stuff in the past three years. His latest Dark Tower entry (SONG OF SUSANNAH) is a lot of fun, with some wild metafictional plot twists.

HARLAN: Guess I'm not the "kid" I used to be or I wouldn't have misremembered your birthday. The 27th. I have etched that date into my left frontal lobe. That way I'll know the exact date on which the chubby Hula Dancer needs to show up and sing "Rock-a-Hula Baby" on your doorstep next year.

Now I'm off to the movies where I will dutifully try to cover my daughter's almost 14-year-old eyes while she maneuvers to get a glimpse of Brad Pitt's butt cheeks during a screening of "Troy."

All best,
Yr. buddy in KC,
Dorman

I had the link to the Berg decapitation video and thankfully, have refused to look at it. The world is full of sickness and pain, why make it worse.

------------

Justin, good post, young scribe. Welcome back on this side of the Ponderosa.

------------

Proud member of the loony left.

Worldcon Press Coverage (Now Better Than Ever!)
Steve Jarrett:

I was also attending the 1986 Worldcon in Atlanta a member of the Press Office of Confederation. I remember the incident you mentioned very well. It was our job to make sure that incidents like that DON'T happen. Under ideal conditions, said reporter would have been escorted or directed to our office, where he would have been briefed as to what a Worldcon is, what we do and suggestions on who to talk to or what to cover.

What happened was that the reporter and cameraman were let into the con without our knowing until after the incident. I want to assure you that this does not happen very often nowadays; I've worked as a staff member of the media relations team at 10 Worldcons and was the head of Press Relations of three others (Torcon 3, Bucconeer and LoneStarCon 2).

I have spent countless hours drilling it into reporters heads that ther's a lot more going on beyond the costumes and Spock ears; the writers, artists, facinating literary history and diverse culture just for starters.

The press coverage at Torcon 3 was very good especially from most of the local papers and the CBC (whose headquarters were located right across the street from the convention center). I was emmensely gratifited because I had volunteered to take over the office six days before the opening (due to a political concom shuffle that I will not delve into here). My wife and I spent most of the convention practically chained to the office administering to the several dozen reporters streaming in and out.

It wasn't entirely smooth sailing; my staff and I took the Toronto Star to task for proclaiming Neil Gaiman the winner of a Hugo for Coraline two days in advance of the ceremony (an errant copy editor trying to "sex up" the story, not the writer, was responsible.) A retraction was printed the next day. Neil was gracious not to pose with the paper, a la DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN after he won.

And then there was the very pregnant tabloid writer from the National Post who crashed the Hugo ceremony without credidentials and thrashed the convention with a superficially written column. She was rewarded with a torrent of mail from outraged fans and other citizens writing to her, to her editor, the publisher and their website. Several weeks afterwards, she was tricked by some local web geeks into publicly supporting a pie in sky business project that did not exist. Naturally, all of the local media were tipped off in advance by the pranksters.

Several reporters thanked me personally for setting up interviews , guiding them to speak to the right people and giving them the opportunity to write or broadcast some great stories. I take great satisfaction in that.

Chris B.

Graeme:

"One gets the feeling that Lee is not voting for Kerry, Lee is voting for "Not-Bush"

In a two party system, there's no practical difference between the two actions.

Bush is dangerous.

It's not necessary to dig any deeper to know who to vote for.

Nevermore, by William Hjortsberg, was a nice little gem with Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Harry Houdini teaming up to solve some murders. (Not sure if that's the one you meant, A-TC.)

You may remember ANGEL HEART which was based on Hjortsberg's Falling Angel. And, by the way, ANGEL HEART will be released on DVD next week and there's supposed to be an interview with Mickey Rourke in which one would hope explain what happened to him in the early 90s and he went from being a good actor to a caricature of an actor.

Lil Washu wrote:

"Heck,I've already come up with my own dream cast. Ralph Fiennes as Sherlock, Eddie Izzard as Watson (SHADOW OF THE VAMPIRE and THE CAT'S MEOW proved Izzard is a more-than-competent thespian), Patrick Stewart as Moriarty, Patrick McGoohan as Van Helsing, and David Suchet as Dracula."

(Tor Johnson's voice) I like. When do movie shoot?

Brian:

I think you're right about why Harlan doesn't announce what he's writing. In fact, you seem dead on.

Chuck

Sherlock Holmes Vs. Dracula
There have been several Holmes Vs. Dracula novels, of varying quality. I myself remember a very effective Holmes Meets Houdini novel, and one that pit Holmes against Fu Manchu.

(Shrug) If done as a movie, possible as long as Holmes were not transformed into an action hero. Holmes in action works best in small doses.

Justin: Either you channelled DK2 or you ran into www.nakednews.com before it became big money. Well, they've still got a tour and clips, anyway.

Dorman: As one of the 'excluded' (please note the use of bunny ears), all I've got to say is you did a tremendous job of contacting a lot of people and putting this together. You've got nothing to feel guilty for, you big lug. Also, I should stop lapsing on including my email address in postings, like I just did now.

Hey, does the substitution of 'aggravated' for 'irritated' no longer bug anyone for me? This is apropos to nothing except my irritation at aggravation. I blame sports reporting. After hearing of all those aggravated groin injuries over the years, I think everyone just gave up and assumed aggravate meant 'really big irritation.'

Cheers, Jon

In the light of all the hoo-ha concerning VAN HELSING (a movie far too silly to waste so much serious contemplation on), I'd like to bring up another crosssover of literature I think MANY of us would like to see: SHERLOCK HOLMES AND THE VENGEANCE OF DRACULA.

Anybody else hear about this? It was written by a fellow called Michael B. Valle, and later became one of those little spec scripts that trigger a bidding war of up to one million dollars, and of course subsequently never sees the light of day. Valle died, and the script sank into oblivion - probably just as well, since it wasn't generally regarded in good favour by those who weren't monkeys in suits. It's a pity. Unlike other crossover concepts that are inherently defunct, a match between the Detective and the Count just SCREAMS cinematic power.

Heck,I've already come up with my own dream cast. Ralph Fiennes as Sherlock, Eddie Izzard as Watson (SHADOW OF THE VAMPIRE and THE CAT'S MEOW proved Izzard is a more-than-competent thespian), Patrick Stewart as Moriarty, Patrick McGoohan as Van Helsing, and David Suchet as Dracula.

Good? Bad? I don't care! It's how I'D do it!

Thank you for the URL to the Vonnegut essay. I told my old man that I've thought of Vonnegut on several occasions in the past couple of weeks. I consciously wondered what he thinks of this whole mess.

I'm glad he decided to tell us and I'm glad I found out about it. HE is right: it is well-worth saving.

While we're on the subject of corrections, the author of "Carter Beats the Devil" is Glen David Gold, not David Allen Gold, as someone recently mentioned.

I'm throwing this in because lots of people get reading tips from this area (myself included).

apologizing in advance



so John Kerry walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey man, what's with the long face?"

really *really* sorry,

neal

What a wonderful, insightful, sad and effortlessly humane essay by Vonnegut. For some reason I was put in mind of something Harlan wrote some time ago, something that doesn't directly relate, but bear with me. In the closing moments of THE GOPHER IN THE GILLY, we see little Harlan, age 13, standing behind the tent flap at the carnival, "learning more about the darker side of human nature than any kid should ever know." That's what I -- and I suspect Vonnegut -- feel like whenever I watch the news and some powder-faced nightmare, a tophat away from being a greeter at the freak tent, lifts the flap and displays the day's events. I think they should read the news and instead of showing clips, just have a tiny monkey in a fez caper across the news desk holding up flashcards. G.W.! Allah Akbar! Brad Pitt at Cannes! Ages ago I read about a news website, probably based in Europe, that featured pretty girls who would slowly disrobe as they read their report. Hard news, just the facts; then two soft, warm bosoms to accompany the top story at the end. I think that would take the edge off things, but I can't find the website, and so I cry myself to sleep at night. But it's not just when I watch the news that I get those behind-the-tentflap creeping horrors, of course. It's also when I spend five minutes hanging around the Student Union at school. Or when I go to the grocery store. But hell if I know what to do about it except get pissed off. I asked Harlan once if he thought things were really and truly getting worse, if kids today are *really* so much dumber, if our culture is *really* circling the drain as quickly as it appears to be...or if, in every generation, sometimes it only just SEEMS that way. Harlan said that no, things really are as cocked-hat fucked as they appear, and now poor soft-spoken Vonnegut says there's "not a chance in hell of America becoming sane and reasonable."

Let's talk about writing for a second. It all relates. Be patient. In his interview-style autobiography, LIFE OF MORAVIA, written in 1991, Alberto Moravia said that "the present moment is not favorable to the human and cultural figure of the great writer. We live in an epoch of unparalleled prosperity...The typical great writer, if there is such a person, has not only literary ambitions but also representative, perhaps revolutionary ones; for the present, at least, it doesn’t seem to me that the historical situation favors this kind of ambition." I fear that perhaps he's right about that. Vonnegut's essay is the most sane and sensitive thing I've read in quite some time, and I can't think of any younger voices in this country who speak as lucidly as Vonnegut (who sounds downtrodden), Ellison (who goes to sleep every night more pissed off than the day before, or so I've heard him say), or Carlin (who has publicly stated that he's just having fun watching the carnage). None of them born after WWII. Or am I missing something? I suppose that perhaps, somehwere in the world, some youngster has written a breakthrough thing, some great expression of rage and beauty that hasn't been translated into English yet. Or maybe an American expatriate somewhere can be counted on, they tend to make good writers. I'm waiting for something like that (I work hard and I try, but I don't really know how), but I'm not waiting for it to come from here. Why would I want to read something written by somebody who's spent a lifetime in front of a television set, playing Nintendo? What life lessons can he or she pass on to us? I'm afraid that Moravia was right and we've been too spoiled, are too contented to be capable of producing Great Works, revelatory things that help us understand This Mess. Maybe that's why I take succor in older voices and can't seem to find any in new voices. And when the wisest of those old voices, like Vonnegut's, get so horrified and sad, it sends a shiver down my spine.

Sometimes I think that the best a writer can aspire to be now is some version of the greeter at the freak tent (if a particularly classy, gentlemanly version), lifting the flap, showing everyone how freakish it all is, without really expecting anyone to DO anything about it. Naturally I'd like to think it's possible to not only lift the flap, but rush inside and start knocking stuff over and smacking bastards as well, but that seems unlikely and dangerous besides. It's all very depressing to me today.

Now see, look what you've gone and done. I'm all melancholy. Somebody please go find me the web address of that place where you can get your news from Euro girls, "kit off." It's the only thing that can bring comfort to these weary old eyes of mine. I do thank you.

J

GIFTS AND REGRETS
My birthday, Harlan, is also in May, and having you call me your friend was one of the nicest gifts I've ever received. Thank you, sir.

Two brief regrets: That the mid-Eighties TWILIGHT ZONE was cancelled before you did an adaptation of "Jeffty Is Five" for it (God, what an episode it would have been!)

Also, that "Daniel White for the Greater Good" has not yet been made into a movie. Was the late James Goldstone the director who had the rights, or the option, or whatever the exact term would be? Anything you can ad, sir?

Well, my 70th birthday is coming up in less than three decades, and I'll be expecting you to send me a card on the day!

The press release about the Charles Grant benefit auction reminded me of a similar event involving our host. At the 1986 Worldcon in Atlanta an auction was held to help defray the medical bills of Manley Wade Wellman, who had just passed away, leaving behind a small mountain of debt. Harlan acted as auctioneer, and raised a considerable sum of money. I was in the audience at that auction, attending my one and only Worldcon. I recall that at one point a local TV reporter and his cameraman made the mistake of getting in between Harlan and the bidders, thereby interrupting the proceedings. Harlan told the fellow in no uncertain terms what he thought of the interruption, prompting a brief tete-a-tete between the two, which the audience experienced as a one-sided conversation, owing to the fact that Harlan was holding a microphone while the reporter was not. Apparently the reporter made some comment about Harlan's manners, because Harlan's response was "Oh, I can get MUCH ruder, trust me." Once the offending reporter was sent packing, Harlan took another moment to point out that the convention organizers should have been more careful about letting such vermin in, because the only publicity they were likely to get out of it would be a supercilious story about those crazy sf fans and their silly costumes. The entire auction, in addition to being in the service of a good cause, was a vintage Ellison performance. It's good to know that, almost 20 years later, the f&sf community can still be mobilized to take care of its own.

Steve J.

Allen = Allan

MW

Spelling Poe

There are only two E's in Edgar Poe's name.

One at the start and the end is the same.

Don't try to squeeze a third one in between there someway,

For his middle name was Allan and he spelled it with an A.

Okay, here's how considerate I am. Harlan says he's swamped, and I think of another question to lob onto his lap.

From time to time, people ask Harlan what he's been doing lately. I know I did this at the Forbidden Planet signing, and Harlan's answer was basically "Working hard." And Harlan's just mentioned that people tend to look at times when he's devoting work to things other than short stories and essays, and figure that he's not working, or blocked, or taking it easy with Susan, or whatever.

So my question is not what you're working on now, Harlan. But I'd like to ask _why_ you don't say much about what's in the pipeline, beyond the impending books.

(I have a _guess_, and I'll mention it here if only to be corrected, and maybe to show that I'm not speculating on ignoble motives. I'm _guessing_ that a lot of it is scriptwork. And as we all know, not every script gets produced, and not every project goes untouched by revising hands. It's never fun to tell people that such-and-such is coming and it'll be spectacular...and then the studio slaps a talentless golden boy onto the project, or regime-change throws the labor of love into the Land of Honalee. And let's not forget the legions who think it's Good Form to send nasty letters to studios and producers deMANding that things be done certain ways. So my _guess_ is that the working-without-publicity tactic is a way of not setting up expectations that might be disappointed by circumstance, or acted-upon in inappropriate ways.)

HARLAN: If your literary grandfather is Edgar Allen Poe, and your literary father Jorge Luis Borges, then your literary son must be Neil Gaiman. And what a fine son he is!

The Vonnegut essay was stellar. And I’m gonna take your advice, Harlan, and print it and slip it into my copy of “BlueBeard.”

Teak: thanks for your kind reply. And yes, I agree, it is largely a matter of taste. Each holiday, my younger cousin and I have the same go-round on this exact same issue only to arrive at that exact point. You may, for example, have viewed some of Kieslowski’s films (a director whose work I love, love, love) and rejected them on legitimate aesthetic grounds. So I say watch all the Kaufman films you can and watch them all with great joy.

Rich: I know, I get the joke; I get the point about what Kaufman is trying to do. To finish the metaphor, it’s simply a joke that doesn’t make me laugh.

And to conclude on films - my pal Dooner informs me he just purchased a copy of “Dogs of War.” As we say in Bahston, I’m wicked psyched! David Loftus - I can finally respond to your excellent review!

Now off to finish correcting the various papers and exams before a day of Birthday fun tomorrow: a day with my lovely wife and a trip to the Brimfield Antique Fair for a bit of Lesney Matchbox hunting and then “Troy” tomorrow afternoon. May’s a fine month for a birthday, wouldn’t you say, Harlan?

Later,
Mark W.

Eric,

Allow me to point out that for $15 + $5 S&H you could have had the 1994 trade paperback version of “I Robot the Screenplay” (with 16 spectacular color plates by Mark Zug), personally inscribed to you or yours by Harlan himself, lovingly wrapped, with plenty of tape, and delivered directly to your home in good time.

That is, you could have ordered from the HERC bookstore, no membership required.

But all is not lost!

Just send a self-addressed stamped envelope to the following address to receive the current booklist:

The Harlan Ellison Recording Collection
P.O. Box 55548
Sherman Oaks, CA 91413

It’s a great way to build a collection.

Really proud to be one of Harlan's boogers. Better than being a diamond in Bush's ass.

Harlan, do you fear turning 70, or are you looking forward to it?

Gonna bust the pinata that day, to be sure.

------------

That fucking Vonnegut piece floored me. Teared up and all. What a great guy. It's important that not all radicals are angry all the time. This guy is one of our gems.

Not surprised the Ted Nugent idiots called him anti-American scum. They must have shit on their mirrors.

Hell, you post this piece on every school wall, and we could have a nation of amazing people, not the sheep we have now.

His thing about the Sermon On The Mount is beyond deep.

I really hate Republicans now. lol.

M. Ellison:

Not to make for further cringe...

Seems Mel is defending Dorman, not maligning him. She tried to make Brian feel better as well.

Yes, I'm defending the wife. I still get horny, y'know, and you've rebuffed my advances on previous occasions. Gotta get it somewhere, pal.

Hey, why are things sooo quiet here all of a sudden?

Scott

Stuff
The Adams of the world mutually apologize for snarkiness.

Harlan: looking forward to that autograph lines essay, as I unintentionally helped to prompt it.

Will also note that I have directed some folks, aghast at the uncontrollable frothing that overcomes myself and similarly enlightened friends, to the mere coming attraction for the Will Smith vehicle, to the reissued screenplay of I, ROBOT.

DTS: I'll see your girl Danielle Nicole come August, then. (Were she a little older, I'd ask if she were single, but ...)

ALL: This is something I figured everyone here would want to see, so pardon me for reposting it in full:

"HWA Fundraising Auction for Charles Grant

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
May 13, 2004

Contact Information:
Horror Writers Association
Nicholas Kaufmann,
Trustee
(718) 855-0970
nkaufmann@nyc.rr.com
www.horror.org

AUTHORS RALLY TO HELP ONE OF THEIR OWN

The Horror Writers Association holds auction
to benefit stricken author


NEW YORK, MAY 13. The Horror Writers Association (HWA) is holding a benefit auction for legendary author and editor Charles L. Grant, who has been hospitalized indefinitely with severe cardio-pulmonary disease and emphysema. Mr. Grant, whose body of work spans five decades, faces a tremendous burden on his health and substantial health-related expenses.

In response to this dire situation, the HWA called for contributions to a benefit auction for Mr. Grant. Although HWA is not a charitable organization and contributions could not be considered charitable donations, this didn’t stop a flood of concerned writers, editors and publishers from contributing to this cause.

Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Neil Gaiman, Peter Straub, Clive Barker and nearly fifty other accomplished authors have confirmed contributions to the event. Publishers such as Pocket Books, Tor, Cemetery Dance and Night Shade Books have also contributed.

“The response has been amazing,” said Joe Nassise, president of the Horror Writers Association. “The absolute generosity of everyone involved has been truly overwhelming.”

This two-part fundraiser, being held in conjunction with the HWA’s annual Bram Stoker Awards Banquet weekend, is the first of its kind for the organization. One component of the fundraiser is a high-profile auction to be held on eBay beginning May 23 and running until June 5, the evening of the awards. Bidders can find all auction items by searching the eBay User ID “bookwyrm55.”

The second component is a silent auction to be held on June 4-6 at the HWA annual meeting in New York City where the Bram Stoker Awards will be presented."

REPLIES

1. I am still floundering, how to express my very real gratitude and overwhelming discombobulation, to the whole bunch of you, for the "sorta 70th birthday" KICK gift as maneuvered by my friend Dorman -- with whom Susan and I had one of the best evenings of my life, at a marvelous BBQ joint in K.C., who chaperoned us to the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum, which I'd desperately wanted to see for several years, who has steadily and properly reviewed my works in a plethora of newspaper mediums, who has been a good friend even-at-a-distance -- and a gift of affection as cheerily subscribed to by The Original Idea Factory -- who have given me special gifts that continue to make me smile every time my eyes light on them, prominently displayed in my office -- and my old chum from Texas, the wonderful writer Steve Utley, whom I haven't seen in decades -- and the couple dozen others, whose notes I am keeping in the big manila Dorman envelope for frequent scanning over the years ...

But that goes for ALL OF YOU, whether Dorman reached you or not. Fer peet's sake, you jokers, how DARE you manifest any cringe, just because you didn't get in on THIS one!!??!! Each and every one of you has helped out, one way or the other, at some point in the past tortuous four years. You ain't REQUIRED to do these gestures of largesse!! You anger (and simultaneously shame) me by expressing even the tiniest woe that your name wasn't in that packet. YOU ARE THERE! Name or no name, Y O U A R E I N T H E R E !

I know it, and I tell you so.

Your hearts and kindnesses are in there, and I'll hear no more of this utter nonsesne, Melissa or anyone else, that you "missed the boat." You are good friends, all. And I know your names.

But...

My birthday isn't the 24th, kids. It's May 27th.
----------------------------------------------------------------
2. Check out the Bob Morales post, slightly prior to this one. Download the essay he recommends. It's a killer piece by Kurt Vonnegut. You'll want to save it, fold it, and place it inside one of Kurt's books, in the event it's never reprinted. That's what I'm doing.
----------------------------------------------------------------
3. Eric, I'm pleased you enjoyed the screenplay. From time to time, some tunnel-visioned critic or essay-emitting academic will make reference to periods in my career where I "did no work," by which they mean that the few pro forma places they've checked to see if I'm still extant, displayed no new entries. They do not understand that I work in MANY mediums, and a year absent from F&SF or Playboy or the bookracks, may well be a year in which my efforts are directed through the movies, tv, comics, essays, a CD-ROM, or doggerel written for cocktail napkins. So, when I get a thumb-up from a newcomer to one of those mediums, it makes me feel less self-conscious about not having had a story in Asimov's during such an interregnum.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
By the way, I truly truly truly have not forgotten that I owe replies to a bunch of you; and that I still haven't answered the two or three of you who posted (decades ago) on the "Are We Afraid to Disagree With, Pillory, Disrespect, Ridicule, Insult, Antagonize, and Otherwise Piss On Harlan?" chatroom thread; and that I'd semi-promised to write a long essay on the subject of autograph lines when we got back from New York.

I remember. clearly, I remember.

But at the moment I'm doing the dervish dance. Be patient with me. I'm an old man. Almost 70. On the 27th, you boogers.

Yr. pal, Harlan

quick note to the Adams of the world
not least of whom, Adam hisself... :)

I forgot to mention what was obvious to me: that I was offering opinions about VH without having actually seen it. It was unwise of me to spout off with nothing better than hearsay and presumption to fall back on - an odious act I'll guard against lest it become habitual. The movie is probably an unmitigated stinker, and I didn't mean to imply you could not have enjoyed it had it possessed any redeeming qualities.

yrs. humbly...

DTS:

If I understand you properly, you likely wouldn't have reached us no matter how you tried. As a precaution others probably take Scotty and I don't post our email addresses here. Besides, there's been a few periods in the last few months when we've been persona non comparere here. No fault to you in any case.

Still a dammed nice gift you'd brought about. Take justifiable pride in your act.

Love to all, Melissa

I, Robot -- the Ellison screenplay

Being a person of my word, I dragged my lumpen-ass down to the bookstore at lunch to purchase, at his eye-jabbing suggestion, a copy of Harlan Ellison’s “I, Robot” screenplay. I bought the one copy Borders Books of Deerfield, IL had on their shelves, for $16.11.

I read the intros and the first 20 set-ups or so during lunch, and late that evening gave it the singular honor of not placing it my reading queue, but instead delving back into it as I unwound from yet another day at the races. This is no light gesture. And since it was a script, and I’m a fast reader, I was able to finish it that very night.

I’ll say this now, and I’ll say it without any flourish: the script is a masterpiece.

That’s not a word I use lightly, and most of you know I’m not prone to sucking up to Harlan. Indeed, if asked what other offerings in the Ellison enormo-canon qualified as masterpieces, I’d have to engage in a considered think, as I would with any writer, since “masterpiece” is one of those words I reserve for things like “The Martian Chronicles,” or “The Godfather, Part II.” It can’t be used just to express enthusiasm or admiration.

But Ellison’s script for “I, Robot” is truly a masterpiece. An amazing piece of possible cinema, rewarding, unusual, and most important for any drama, page-turning. I couldn’t put the fucker down! I can’t remember the last time I’d read a fantasy that was so grab-ass engaging. The universe just got a whole lot bigger, and I’m in orbit for sixteen bucks.

I don’t know what kind of movie this would have made. As a working script on a live set, I’d guess there would have been scores of little changes, and maybe a few big ones, based on the needs of the director, the cast, the production crew, and the backers. Some of these would have been proper, some of these moronic, and I’m sure Harlan could have made them all, sometimes breezily, sometimes with great pain. It’s probably a moot topic: given the upcoming Will Smith jamboree, I doubt this script will ever be made into a film, although it might be picked up for a 3-D animated feature when that technology is finally at hand.

But it doesn’t matter to me…like I said in my earlier post, I don’t NEED movies made from every decent piece of literature that comes down the pike. Ellison’s script gave me a wondrous fund of imaginative landscapes and scenarios that will stay with me forever, and brighten up my interior life in those times when our poor dreary world becomes too much to bear.

Thank you, Harlan, for poking a finger in my eye. You done good, and this one will get you a box seat in the arena of fables, where tickets are only sold by the nameless Muse whose aesthetic transcends us all.

--Eric Martin

Hey! Let’s get ONE thing CLEAR: I never obfuscated in front of anyone in my whole damn life!

Getting back to business:

Eric,

re: prediction of cgi realism

"You were being sarcastic, right, Rob?"

Nope. I’m not an oracle but as the timeline stretches for cgi do you really think there will be a limit to the refinement? I DOUBT, of course, actors would be replaced; neither human passion nor the unions nor the system would allow it. Live actors will carry marketable names as much as cyber-actors ever will. I think they’ll co-exist no matter how "real" cgi becomes. Nevertheless, ONE day as the software develops and the power of the chip increases I think it WILL give actors something to think about. If someone wants to be an asshole on the set (I have a graphics professor who told us what his outfit had to put up with when Steven Segal was there) a producer or director will have optional resources. Whatever the case humans adapt and re-adapt.

Re: the Hulk. The full shots didn't bother me. Close shots of the face did. Looked very mask-like. This struck me in the first transformation scene. Replicating facial texture for human features includes highlight, shadow, and - yeah - as you said, tone. Together they bring out the subleties of muscle movement. CGI has trouble dealing with this yet. Often with eyes too. "Green", or whatever, you don’t need ANY context to make that argument. It’s a simple fact. Hey...if it worked for you that's fine; the producers will be happy to hear it. But it looked pretty bad to me (yet it was about as good as it can be at this stage).

Now...I’m in a mighty bad mood at the moment because I trollied in about 45 minutes ago to find my toilet backed-up! It fffLLLLOOwed...for almost 4 friggin' hours! Water stretched across the entire bathroom straight through my closet. Even now outside the building you can still hear a brand new waterfall making its sounds of Springtime and confusing a lot of neighbors. It's been a fucked day. So...if I come back here and see any further besmoichin' of me good name I will take the plunger handle and stick it up your smack-daddies at a sweet 90 degrees till you scream like constipated Texas yodlers! A humble...but effective expedient.

Harlan, in case you missed it:

http://www.inthesetimes.com/site/main/article/cold_turkey

not required...
Harlan...my pet

There are just times and things I want to show you:
read this words
go here: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/7028732/

Oh and thanks Dan, for "Hard Freeze"--as I thinks of it.

Mucho muah.

H

Canada
DTS: Wait a minute. Harlan's b'day is Victoria Day? If only he were Canadian, he'd have a federal holiday.

Cheers, Jon

Come to think of it...
BRIAN: Now that I think of it: I've even tried to send you email -- to the address listed below -- on several ocassions (semi-witty repartee about this or that subject under discussion) and I've never once recieved a reply from you. I figured you were just ignoring whatever I said 'cause you weren't interested in my, um...wit. And this was BEFORE I started trying to contact everyone about the KICK deal. Ah, well.
-- DTS (Rick, I'll be so busy the next week or so that it WON'T be a problem not to post for a couple of days)

To Anyone Who Feels Left Out...
HEY BRIAN, MELISSA AND ANY OTHERS: Anyone who feels left out can blame my lack of internet intrepidness. I tried to track down everyone's email -- in fact I remember sending a note to the one Brian lists below at least two times when sending out group mailings -- but I either couldn't locate them or (as some folks who managed to get around it later told me) I was "filtered out" by email systems or Spam-weary eyes because I typed ALL CAPS in the subject line (which, apparently, is something "spammers" like to do). Cie la Vie.
But hey: don't let my screw-up stop you guys. The KICK address is still active. And as women have been saying for some time now: size doesn't matter. So if the spirit still moves you, stuff an envelope with whatever size donation you want and send away. The Big Day isn't until May 24th -- you can just call your separate but equal donation the "icing on the cake."
--DTS

Marc,

Re: The Manchurian Candidate

While I'm as apprehensive as you about this remake, the thought of Meryl Streep taking on the Lansbury role is...well, a little bit of a turn on.

The Kaufmann Discussion,

I'm a little embarrassed now to admit I saw Adaption only this past weekend, and I'm flabbergasted at the weird inventiveness of it.

Regards,
Joseph

Brian:

Look for Scott and I, the feckless two down on your left. We weren't part of the gift either, but don't feel badly that others made some gesture of largess to Harlan. In fact, I doff my cap to those who did, especially the ones who organized it. Truly the gift for the man who has everything, or at least professes to have everything.

As for myself and Scott's support for causes, including Harlan's:

"The greatest pleasure I know, is to do a good action by stealth, and to have it found out by accident." -- Charles Lamb

I would amend that by stating that I feel it even better if the deed is never discovered.

Love to all, Melissa

P.S. I'm really coming to love "Kid Notorious". Really funny.

Mark,

Thank you for your thoughtful, lengthy reply. Perhaps I'm too young to see past the dazzle of postmodern tricks but I feel genuine delight when I watch Kaufman movies (or read Coover books). To me, stylistic tricks and human commentary are not engaged in a zero-sum game--they can exist concurrently and, IMO, they do so in Kaufman's movies. To varying degrees of success, tho--Adaptation, with its invented, credited (!) co-screenwriter and its "look-how-stupid-Hollywood-usually-is" ending, felt soulless to me. In Eternal Sunshine, however, I felt all the tricks served a perfectly legitimate end--replicating the feeling of dreams and love. There was one exception, that being the deceptive opening/ending, but I still feel it could be interpreted as a convenient device for making Kaufman's arguments about the inexorability of true love. That is, the tricks in that movie do not amount to pointless acrobatics--they represent an inventive writer finding interesting ways to address very old questions. Personally, I found it poignant and resonant; maybe any guy who's ever loved a truly insane yet wonderful woman would feel the same.

But at some point it just comes down to taste.

I ought to say something which is going to make me look like a feckless jerk. Harlan's thanked everyone here for a wonderful birthday-timed gift from KICK. That's wonderful, gang, and everyone who is responsible for it deserves praise. But I have to say that I had absolutely nothing to do with it. Whatever the surprise was, it is utterly new news to me. In other words, I don't feel right reading the effusive Thanks-to-Everybody because, unless I said this, I'd be getting undeserved gratitude.

GRAEME,
I apparently lied in my last post 'cause I am responding to your comments. Thankyou for your reasons. That's actually what I was getting at and some of your comments are interesting. Please consider joining Alex's politics discussion on the other side (that includes you others reading over Graeme's shoulder) as the tolerance level of political discussions on this side is easily reached.

MARK,
Your comments on Kaufman only reinforce my recommendation and hearing what your thoughts on ...SPOTLESS MIND would be. One thing:

"What he did with the John Laroche character in “Adaptation,” turning him homicidal in the last act for no other reason than to provide the Hollywood ending cut so deep against character that it moved beyond the absurd."

I think that was the point. If you remember at the very beginning of the film when Cage discussed how he wouldn't want to make the film, how he didn't want it to be some Hollywood movie, filled with drugs and car chases, etc. The "story" actually ended when Laroche and Orlean finally found their way back to the van after getting lost. If you noticed, Laroche didn't have any orchids with him when they found their way back to the van so Charlie created his own Hollywood ending. And I think the absurdity was the point. The end of the film deliberately used the deus ex machina that the Cox character told him he must never use. (He also mentioned no voiceovers.)

More layers than the Cretaceous Period.

DOUG OF FINDERDOUG FAME,
I saw the trailer for THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE on the Apple site, but I don't know that it gives anything away. Certainly not for someone who doesn't have a clue about the original. I heard an early review and that person hated it, but I'm wondering if they've made this movie a bit more psychological, ala PARALLAX VIEW. Which come to think of it, could be considered a remake of MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE so that would make the remake of MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE a remake of PARALLAX VIEW which was a remake of MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE. Oh, my head. I hear the phone ringing. Hmmmmm, the queen of diamonds in this card deck make me feel kind of strange. Must answer the phone.

HARLAN: First, you are MORE than welcome for the KICK birthday surprise. I would do it again in a minute. For all your words have given me? In less than a minute would I do it again. Second, thanks for the response on Satchel Paige. You’re one lucky so-and-so. I saw Clemens strike out sixteen when he was with the Sox and had a boxseat view of Pedro pitch a gem of a complete game, but even combined my experiences pale in comparison to yours.

Melissa: Satchel pitched into his 60s? That’s flat-out befuddling. If there is a heaven, and heaven is a place where you can live out your ideals, then one of the top items on my to do list would be to watch Satchel and Babe Ruth go head to head.

Teak: You’ve put me in an unenviable position, asking for a Rob-length posting, which I’m going to resist and somehow give you a worthwhile response. It’s really not a question of the bad guys winning or the comment on human relationships. I don’t enjoy how Kaufman treats the characters that populate his films. They strike me as marionettes being jerked and pulled at his whim, so much so that I am too aware of this and it takes me out of the movie. And the surprises in his films seem forced and inauthentic. I found the ending of “Being John Malkovich” mean-spirited. It’s too much tricksy, postmodern malarkey for my taste. The Cameron Diaz character came across a dishrag, I didn’t really care about her one way or the other. What he did with the John Laroche character in “Adaptation,” turning him homicidal in the last act for no other reason than to provide the Hollywood ending cut so deep against character that it moved beyond the absurd. And I get the jokes; there just not gags I find funny. Another thing that riled me in “Adaptation” was the self-loathing screenwriter: hasn’t that stereotype been done to death? Why do all writers have to be portrayed in that way? Why can’t we have a character based on Harlan who goes over the table to get his hands on the producer? Now that I think of it, I liked the Brian Cox character (MacGee?) – he did have some balls, very much the “wise hack” that Vidal references when he talks about his Hollywood days. I also agree that Kaufman’s conceits are inventive, but they come to dominate the film so much that all the characters are in service to the device – period. I’m not seeing the human heart in conflict with itself. And all the while I just get this overwhelming sense that this guy believes himself to be smarter, wittier and somehow better than the people who watch his films; the same feeling I get from a John Barth or Robert Coover story. Not a complete answer, to be sure, but I hope this clarifies my stance some.

And Brian, I think there is considerably more humanity going on in the Linklater films than there is coming from Kaufman. “Slacker” looked at a group of fairly intelligent kids who fell through the cracks in the American Dream and are trying to figure out what kind of life they want to live on their own terms, a real humanist film, in fact. “Dazed & Confused,” on the other hand, struck me as a lightweight update of The Purgatorio, but cool nonetheless and a film that gets me all nostalgic for the 70s.

Now, having sez what I sez on the Kaufman question, I wish you good luck on your job hunt – I hope you find what you’re looking for.

Rich: I’ll give your offer some thought. Of course, I could go the third way and wait ‘til Dooner buys the DVD and I could watch it on his ticket.

Yikes this is long, but I needed something to keep my mind of the Berg execution. How long will it be before FOX and CNN and MSNBC broadcast entire videotapes like this one? Two years, says I. Damn.

Mark W.

The Manchurian Reimagining
Paul,

I too was curious to see how a remake of "The Manchurian Candidate" would play, with Demme at the helm... right up until I saw the trailer. I love the original, so I come with a built-in bias, but it seems to me that the trailer gives away the whole show, which is unfortunate. It could have been - SHOULD have been - a very taut, intriguing and enticing two minutes of promotion.

That, and the very (to me) unfortunate way they've made dramatic alterations in order to keep the original title have proven off-putting.

Danielle Nicole
DTS - my interest is piqued. Would you mind emailing me at rchatham@earthlink.net so that I could ask you a couple of questions about the CD?

Levity = Reality

http://www.workingforchange.com/comic.cfm?itemid=16926

And many sections of America complain over the fact that we Canadians didn't want us to get involved.

Looking forward to four more years of us here in the north wondering, shaking our heads sadly as we look south.

Scott

Why Kerry the Torch for Bush?
Rich wrote:
>>
GRAEME,
Are you trying to out-Rob Rob? It's been many a moon that someone other than Rob has mused in the same manner as the disturbed mumblings of street corner beggars. Possibly a harsh assessment, but never before have I seen words abused in such a manner as to obfuscate so completely the following question: Why would anyone vote for Bush?
>>

Don't worry, it's not too harsh. As people who've told me I'm full of it go, you're more polite about it than most. And I'd rather you spoke your mind than sugar-coating it.

I disagree though, that I'm guilty of obfuscation. At the beginning of my post, I wrote these words: "I'm not going to tell you why to vote for Bush (so, in effect I'm skirting around your question)". If that's obfuscation, it's certainly an up front and straightforward (i.e. non-obfuscatory) variety of it. I didn't try to hide what I was doing. I said up front that I was sidestepping your question in favour of examining (what I thought were) some interesting side issues. I also mentioned that I hadn't voted for Bush myself, which I regarded as an excuse of sorts for doing the sidestepping.

We could go into the question more deeply elsewhere, but honestly, if I've offended you this much with a post that didn't say a single positive word about the Bushmeister, I'd rather not see what happens if I actually tried to say something good about the guy. I'd rather not try to push your very admirable restraint past its limits.

But how about this, then? In partial recompense, I *will* try to provide two possible answers to your original question, after all. And to make it tougher, I'll do it while continuing to not make any actual positive statements about Bush himself. Fair enough?


Reason 1) This one I alluded to me in my original post. Remember all those people who spent the 90's going around saying that character didn't matter? Well, the partisans among them were just being partisan, of course, but there were plenty of moderates out there who *really meant what they were saying* (!!). A scary thought, to be sure, but there you have it. Whatever character flaws annoy you about the man, even if you would find them equally annoying in a Democrat (giving you the benefit of the doubt here), might *really* not matter a hill of beans to some mushy-headed middle-of-the-roader who thinks that whatever is wrong, everybody does it, so it's okay.

Reason 2) It is a fact that in this country, many people vote, not *for* something, but *against* it. A vote for a Republican might be a vote for a Republican... or it may be a vote *against* a Democrat. There are only two real parties, after all. Take a look at Lee's post three up from yours. It's basically a "Bush S*cks" post. Not one positive word about Bush's opponent. Not the slightest hint that he even *has* an opponent. One gets the feeling that Lee is not voting for Kerry, Lee is voting for "Not-Bush" (or possibly "Not-Republican"). That seems to be your approach as well (from what little I've seen).

Lest you think I'm criticizing either of you, I admit I do the same thing myself. I said earlier that I didn't vote for Bush. I voted for Ralph Nader, if you'd like to know. But NOT because I particuarly wanted him to win. In a sense, I didn't really vote for Nader, I voted for "Not Republican or Democrat", and he was the most prominent such candidate. I was mad at both parties, and I live in a non-Battleground state, where, thanks to the absurdities of the Electoral system, my vote didn't matter a hill of beans towards getting either Bush or Gore elected ANYWAY, so I just did what I wanted to do. And in hindsight, I picked the best of all possible elections to do it.

So, anybody who likes the Republican platform better than the Democratic platform might vote for Bush, even if they weren't that wild about Bush himself. Heck, they might do it even if they liked Kerry *better* than Bush personally. I already hear you saying "What about voting for the man instead of the party??" Well, at the state and local level that makes some sense. But my feeling is that at the national level, voting for the man *IS* voting for the party. At that level, the man either bends his convictions to match his party's, or he becomes (or stays) politically irrelevant. It's no accident that Bush the Elder used to be pro-choice, or that Jesse Jackson and Al Gore used to be pro-life. When they wanted to become big players in their party, their personal convictions had to give way. That's why some of us would never go into national politics, and would bomb horribly if we did.


Speaking of Nader, let me digress again. People were all upset recently at his entry, thinking that he'd given Bush a major advantage. I think he'll be a non-factor. Notice how last time he was polling about 7% the week of the election, but lost more than half of that when people stepped into the booth. And remember how Perot pulled about 18% the first time, but about a third of that the next time around. People often get upset about the major parties and adopt a "You can't screw us around any more!" attitude. But then cold reality sinks in, and people remember that yes, one of these two parties IS in fact going to win. They then admit to themselves "Oh, I'm sorry, you CAN screw us around like this. So sorry, my mistake," and then fall in line and vote for one of them. Nader's message was that it didn't matter which party won because they were both pretty much the same, but very few of his supporters agreed with him on that point. They *did* in fact have a strong preference between the two major parties, after all. Most of them jumped ship before the election, and the ones that didn't were probably horrified, once the hangover wore off, to find that they helped get Bush elected. This year those people will realize, more quickly this time, that yes, the Democratic Party DOES own them after all, and so they'll fall in line and vote for what they consider to be the lesser of two evils. Or at least stay home on election day. I predict Nader will pull less than 1% when all is said and done.

I hope you'll consider all this to be at least a partial answer to the question of why would anyone vote for Bush. You may not *like* the answer, but I guarantee you it's correct, in at least some cases. If you're satisfied, maybe you can answer a similar question for me: Why would anyone vote for either the Republicans or the Democrats **enthusiastically**? I'm not asking how you can vote for them at *all*, mind you. I've voted for both of those parties before, and will again. But how can anybody do it without holding their nose?? I totally don't get that. On election day, I usually like to watch the "Free For All" episode of The Prisoner instead of the returns.

There's actually another answer to your question I almost added, but a gargantuan post seems to violate the spirit of the 1-a-day rule, and this one is already too long. I'll save that for another day, maybe, and try to devote my next post to one of Harlan's works. In fact, I know just the one...

HE, I stand poked. More to the point, I will hie to the bookstore and pick up the script.

ERIC,

I know for a fact that I've had this argument with you before, so I'll keep it to a minimum.

HE created the "I, ROBOT" screenplay as a work of love for his buddy Isaac, and it shows in the quality of the story. That more than justifies Harlan's "unoriginal" excursion, IMHO.

I agree with you entirely that Hollywood has entered a remake binge the likes of which no one has ever seen in Tinsel Town's illustrious history. I said it before, and I'll say it again - today's Hollywood is a carnivore trapped in a field of vegetables.

However, where your argument falls to pieces is the incredibly wide berth you give on the topic of remakes. I mean, for cryin' out loud, Eric, according to your statement, virtually 98.99% of the films out there are tepid copycats. Almost EVERY cinematic effort has been inspired, at some point or another, by a previously existing source. In fact, why not go all the way and say that the entire art form of cinema is not truly art at all, merely an outgrowth of theater?

Now, THAT ALL BEING SAID, I was also disappointed by Peter Jackson's choice to follow up LORD OF THE RINGS. I have no concern about Peter delivering a decent KONG, but his decision is merely spearheading a whole new generation of passionate filmmakers who pour their creativ energies into remakes of CASABLANCA and adaptations of video games.

But enough about that...wanna read my spec script for a TWISTED METAL movie?!

ROB,

Personally, I thought the Hulk was quite spectacular. I actually don't think the real problem lied in his "facial texture" so much as his skin tone. Take a digital creature like, oooooh, Gollum. One distinct advantage ol' Smeagol had was the fact that he had human (or closely human) skin tone, making his appearence far easier (and smoother) on the audience's eyes.

Now, the Hulk is GREEN. Very, VERY green. So, whatever accusations and arguments about "realism" directed at the Jade Giant are rendered a little silly in this context.

"One day, though, I think complete dramas will be cyber-spun and you'll think real actors were there on real sets."

You were being sarcastic, right, Rob? Because if you weren't, I just want to let you know that that's a terrifying concept.

I'm perfectly happy with the utilization of CGI for "fantastic" characters in films, but when it comes to replacing flesh-and-blood thespians UTTERLY...

Look at it this way. Sure, it'd be great to put temperamental monsters like John Travolta and Brad Pitt out of business, (not to mention avoiding the risk of the infamous "Hollywood star/starlet bitch-fit"), but they could still find their ill-earned money by providing the voices for the characters, now couldn't they? Hell, Arnold must've received a paycheck the size of William Shatner's head for his masterful performance as a wolf in DR. DOOLITTLE 2.

There's also a little matter called IMPROVISATION. In many cases, what's made a good film an outright classic were clever little inventions and alterations created by the actors/actresses ON-SET.

Now, that all being said, I'm sure Sir Alfred "Actors are Cattle" Hitchcock would have absolutely LOVED to get his hands on the oppurtunity to build entirely synthetic actors that obeyed his every whim.

Now THAT'S terrifying.

REPLY TO ERIC MARTIN

Sir:

Clearly, you have not read my published screenplay for I, ROBOT.

For, had you, you would be embarrassed to discover that I did PRECISELY what you wanted done. It was a WHOLLY ORIGINAL work --that took a year of my writing life -- and only used three/four of Isaac's story concepts as elements in an otherwise WHOLLY NEW and unadapted skein.

Copies available in your local bookstores.

With a finger in your eye, Respectfully but Pointedly,

Harlan

Grrrrrreat Blues/Rock: DanielleNicole
ALL: Though she'd probably wanna bitch-slap me for the comparison, the voice of Janice Joplin -- with an even smoother, rumbling delivery -- has been reincarnated in Danielle Nicole Schnebelen (she now goes by her first and middle name), a local, Kansas City, blues/rock singer. She'd bitch slap me 'cause being compared to a dead idol is hard to live upt to -- besides, at 21, this girl is already developing a style all her own. After hearing the lead, title track to her CD -- a growling, she-panther-like delivery of "Wild, Wild Woman" -- I didn't think Danielle and the band (another local fav., "the Nortons") could top it. Damned if they didn't prove me wrong. From standards like "Few and Far Between" and "You Can Leave Your Hat On" (which Danielle manages to make her own -- a helluva feat considering how often this one has been covered) to "Just Tell Yourself," a song that her mom & dad (years ago, in the guise of "Little Eva and the Works") wrote: this CD is one of the best I've listened to in years.
Anybody who LOVES excellent blues/rock and wants a copy of "Wild, Wild Woman" -- and is willing to part with $10, which is a freakin' bargain considering the quality of this disc and the unbelievable talent and genius of Danielle's voice -- can send me the cash and I'll promptly buy 'em a copy and mail it back to them (PROMPTLY: there'll be no delays THIS time -- promise). If you DO decide to order one, make it quick: in August, she's gonna leave KC for Philidelphia to join her older brothers in their band (stopping back here once every 3 months or so).
By the way: I'm not the girl's manager and I don't work for the company that pressed the CDs. I just happened to interview and photograph her (one of 50 people) for a local magazine. Along the way, I discovered a voice and talent like no other.
--Dorman T. Shindler
P.O. Box 9398
Kansas City, MO 64133

speaking of remakes
Jonathan Demme's reimagining of "The Manchurian Candidate" will open this summer. I want to keep an open mind until I find out more, but I can't say that I'm optimistic.

>the Adams of this world felt assaulted by a film that was not just mindless, not just aggressively stupid, but painful and insulting in its high-amp pursuit of a storyline that…failed to engage on any level, even the kinetic one.

Adam, you didn’t like “Van Helsing,” did you? Well, one thing’s for sure: you’re not going to get a date with Kate Beckinsale anytime soon talking like this!

I think your objections to high-amp mindlessness are fair, but for me, the real problem with Hollywood is not overloud soundtracks, bland acting, or stupid storylines. It’s remakes. Remakes of movies, remakes of books, remakes of anything.

Nowadays, all we get is remakes, or “reinterpretations” of movies like “Planet of the Apes” or TV shows like “Lost in Space” that are perfectly crafted or pleasantly insipid in their original form. We just don’t need a movie made out of every interesting novel, play, short story or comic book, or some new director or writer’s “take” on every halfway decent movie or television show that’s ever existed, especially classics that are just fine as they are.

I know HE worked his ass off on the “I, Robot” screenplay, and everyone is moaning that the Will Smith version will suck eggs, but do we really need to see either? Isn’t the Asimov book, and the images it generates in our own imaginations, good enough? Wouldn’t an original Harlan Ellison screenplay be much more interesting and exciting to anticipate? Something written FOR the medium, and not adapted to it?

A typical example of my pain: they are now set on remaking “Pet Sematary.” A perfectly decent little movie not 15 years old that was well-acted and had a suitable sense of dread is now slated to be remade, or re-imagined, or regurgitated, no doubt with a star-of-the-month, CGI beasties, and tits. I know, it’s hard to believe, so here’s the link:

http://www.killermovies.com/p/petsematary/articles/3753.html

Even Peter Jackson, currently Hollywood God, who could do any project he cared to name, is going down the remake trail. Gee, another version of King Kong—with stars, and cool CGI effects! Yes, I’m sure it will be better than the 70s one, but it won’t top the first one, we all know that already, so WHY FUCKING BOTHER? Why waste all that money and energy and time and hype on something that we all know is not going to be better than the original?

I’ve got to go to Hollywood, to pitch my great new idea: a remake of Lord of the Rings. It’s never too early, and let’s face it, the first one didn’t quite do the books justice…

Charles and Ray Eames
If you haven't seen the over 100 short films of husband and wife design team Charles and Ray Eames that they made between 1950 - 1982, then you need to head to your favorite VHS/DVD source, rental outlet, or library. You can also go here:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-form/104-2832668-7596763
or here:
http://www.deepdiscountdvd.com/dvd.cfm?itemID=IMA009210
http://www.deepdiscountdvd.com/dvd.cfm?itemID=IMA009212
and if you'd like to know more go here:
http://www.eamesoffice.com/

I recommend "Toccata for Toy Trains", "Powers of Ten", and "House: after 5 years of living."

Happy Birthday (early) & best returns
Harlan & Susan,

It tickles me pink to have been able to paricitpate in your surprise gift! As Dave Clarke notes, it's not often we can try repay what you've given us. And not just Harlan's work... good gracious where would we be without Susan?!

Now when is Susan's birthday.....??

Say, Doc, didja know they almost didn't cast Lugosi in ABBOTT & COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN? Universal had almost completely forgotten about him until someone said, "Why don't we get Bela Lugosi? Didn't he PLAY Dracula once?"

The film made better use of the Monster and Dracula than the more "serious" remakes that came before.

Chuck

De-lurking to comment on Van Helsing:

VH is not a movie, it is a marketing event. It has no purpose as a movie other than to sell VH merchandise.

I don't have a copy of USA Today here at home, but I read it at work. On the front page of the entertainment section of the Tuesday USA Today is a list of all the things that are associated with this so-called movie. Video games, a tv pilot, a ride/"experience" at Universal theme parks, and of course, toys.

Now, most movies these days have a lot of marketing. I can live with that. But this was created solely as a marketing device for Universal. How cynical of Universal.

If you go this movie and enjoy it, fine for you. I shan't waste my time. The Alans of the world have better things to do with their time.

Re-lurking now.

Splitting the Adam:

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND. I'm no Jim Carrey fan, but I like Charlie Kaufman and this is a good recommendation. It shares a little with something I'm trying to develop right now.

GRAEME,

Re: Rich's shot, "Are you trying to out-Rob Rob? It's been many a moon that someone other than Rob has mused in the same manner"

Let me reassure you, Graeme, that is another way of saying you're the only one ‘round here who makes any friggin' sense.

WASHU and LEE:

Damn! All these wonderful Commies with funny accents you threw at me. I copied and pasted the list and I’ll follow up on them. I appreciate that. I’ve seen some Russian cel animation from the Communist era - the government from them days provided healthy budgets and much of the animation is of a very high standard (though, with a FEW exceptions, I found most of the material tiring; lots of quaint fairy tales set centuries ago with cute characters in homespun coats and beards).

But your recommendations remind me of one unique animation expert: Slavko Vorkapich. I am familiar with him because he was mentor of the great Art Clokey of Gumby fame...

Now, Clokey I regard as among the few who genuinely belong under the heading "creative genius". I think of him very much as the Theodore Geisel/Dr. Seuss of claymation. His visual imagination - heavily influenced by LSD experimentation, incidentally - had a kind of dimentia that could haunt the shit out of me. His routines of figures literally jumping into the pages of a book, falling off tables into a black abyss, fire truck latters extending to other planets, and worlds overlapping. I remember the creepy inconsiderate Block Heads. I remember Clokey even did a Gumby take on Saint-Exupery's The Little Prince. That guy was nuts, man! Brilliant stuff. He was to claymation what Disney was to cel animation. He began working with clay figures on a farm in his youth. He’d gather block sets, toy cannons, toy soldiers, pencils, marbles and so on to play out these fantasies. Well...he took ‘em all into his adult years and made history.

I have to go rent those Gumby things; haven’t seen them since god knows how young I was.

I think Nick Park (Wallace & Grommit) is easily one of the best talents to come along in recent years.

And, Washu, you’re right - I dun heard ‘o Harryhausen. Saw almost everything he did. But the only film he did that I ever really liked - if you take away the technical stuff - is his first, MIGHTY JOE YOUNG. And sometimes his creative policy got on my nerves. "Movies should be just for pure entertainment," was the old school spirit he liked to assert in interviews I read. "If you want philosophy and deep thought you go to books; that’s what books are for." Anyway...terrific craftsman; just a bit shallow in his outlook.

RE: your CGI "fur and fire". Especially true with fur; fire at least seems to get mixed results. But they also still need to contend with human facial texture. Huge problem. They haven't fully removed the masks yet (the Hulk is what REALLY made me realize it). One day, though, I think complete dramas will be cyber-spun and you'll think real actors were there on real sets. It will gradually get cheaper and we can send all these annoying actors out to pasture. (Let's see how snooty they get on the set once they realize all this)

Harlan:

My debt to you for all of your stories and wonderful nonfiction is far more than I could ever pay. As for my part, I can only say that I'm glad that I was able to do something meaningful for another one of my literary idols. So keep on keepin' on, and thanks for the boost.

The WGA's fight to maintain Health Plan Fund
If you are interested in Mark Evanier's perspective on the WGA's contract negotiations with the A.M.P.T.P. (The Producers), go to
http://www.newsfromme.com/archives.html
select May 11th and scroll down until you get to"The Write Stuff".

Unca Harlan


We love you.

Respectfully,

neal

rich

Voting for Bush.

It's the same concept as holding onto a stock that has lost it's value.

You'd drop it from your portfolio.

Except then you'd have to admit that you screwed up when you bought it.

MARK WALSH:

I've commented on it here previously (check Rick's excellent archives if you want more details), but yes I did indeed see Satch pitch. Once. 1948 or '49, after the Indians brought him up. At the now-abandoned Riverfront Stadium. He was no less than a Force of Nature on the mound that game...and he was in his late forties at the time. It was the first and only time I ever actually saw a thrown baseball as nothing more than a faint streak of blue light.
--------------------------------------
WIRED interviewed me yesterday. About the AOL lawsuit. Today a fact-checker called. She said the interview would be in the June or July (or August) issue. A "heads-up service" of the Ellison Pre-Notification and Storm Window Consortium.

Yr. pal, still numb from the KICK birthday mailing, Harlan

The Adams of this world
The Adams of this world had no trouble enjoying Sommers' THE MUMMY, or GHOSTBUSTERS, or THE FRIGHTENERS, or DEAD ALIVE; the Adams of this world had no trouble enjoying SPIDER-MAN, or even the more kinetic moments of THE HULK; the Adams of this world liked THE MASK OF ZORRO; the Adams of this world enjoyed much of PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN; the Adams of this world even have a little affection for BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA. The Adams of this world enjoy spoofery and big budget action when done well. The Adams of this world have even engaged in spoof fiction of the kind on the printed page (check out my zombie penis story, "From Hell It Came," if you don't believe me). The Adams of this world would have been perfectly happy if VAN HELSING had succeeded on a campy, comic book level, but the Adams of this world felt assaulted by a film that was not just mindless, not just aggressively stupid, but painful and insulting in its high-amp pursuit of a storyline that, as the Adams of this world asserted, failed to engage on any level, even the kinetic one.

If you liked the movie, then whoop-de-doo for you. That is what makes horse races. But the Adams of this world resent any implication that feeling otherwise is their failure.

On another front, the Adams of this world repeat the recommendation for ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND.

MARK WALSH,
I don't agree with your assessment of MALKOVICH and ADAPTATION, but I will say thusly: Go see SPOTLESS MIND (if it's still playing at a theater near you) and if you don't like it I'll reimburse you for the ticket. Fuck it, I'll go one better: If you think that this movie reveals Kaufman's contempt for humanity, then I'll disagree with you and still reimburse you for the ticket. I feel that strongly about this flick. I mentioned on the other board that I think this movie is closer to Harlan Ellison's work than Philip K. Dick's work (which the movie was compared) and I'm putting up the cost of a movie ticket to bet that you'll agree.

Don't even worry about me reimbursing you the cost, I'm that sure that you'll like the film. But, if you don't, then we can discuss monetary reimbursement.

GRAEME,
Are you trying to out-Rob Rob? It's been many a moon that someone other than Rob has mused in the same manner as the disturbed mumblings of street corner beggars. Possibly a harsh assessment, but never before have I seen words abused in such a manner as to obfuscate so completely the following question: Why would anyone vote for Bush?

Now you may think that it was a rhetorical question and was asked by some knee-jerk liberal, but the question is not rhetorical and asked, "Why would anyone vote for Bush?" Simple enough.

I didn't make a laundry list of the various excesses and dunderheaded blunders that this administration has done and continues to do. I didn't note how this administration thinks it's their privilege to keep information from the American public (to paraphrase Paul Krugman). I didn't mention their inability to be truthful in regards to the Medicare Modernization Act. I failed to list the reasons why the entire free world looks upon the Bush Administration as a gun-toting, slightly befuddled Barney Fife. I didn't recount the way Bush appears inept and clueless when trying to answer a simple question such as, "Have you made any mistakes?"

I could've said those things, but I didn't. All I asked was, "Why would anyone vote for Bush?" Because, as you so pointedly pointed out, I AM trying to get the other side of the story, so to speak. I'm intensely curious as to why someone would vote for Bush because I AM trying to understand. Maybe there are reasons out there for voting for Bush, but I haven't seen them. So I'm asking. So maybe I can understand. So maybe I can say, "I see your point, though I may disagree with your point."

And, unfortunately, like many other conservatives whom I've asked, you sidestep the question entirely and pontificate over some imagined motivation on my part.

Now I will write no more of this on this side as I've sullied the corner table I'm sitting in and my voice is raised to noticeable and socially uncomfortable levels and I'm bothering some of the other patrons. I will be more than happy to disccuss this at length on the Index if you wish.

Too bad about Alan King dying. He was a wonderful comedian, and in this day and age of progressive health care, he died way too young.

He was one of the best examples of Jewish comedy. Good actor too. RIP old chap. God Bless. Bet you're chewing the fat with Sinatra this very moment.

--------------

Best Chomsky interview in a while. Great stuff.

http://www.chomsky.info/interviews/200405--.htm

Dedicated to my baby daddy Joseph Finn.

quick thoughts
Steve: Thanks for your support. In my attempt to keep from playing it off like it ain't no thang, I neglected to mention that I'm also quite excited about GEB. I've listened to friends talk about it in bits and pieces for some while, and it seems to be an increasingly large influence on various fictions I find myself reading. I'll let you know what I think once I'm done.

Concerning Van Helsing
The Adams of the world - and it's not just you, man, I know others - wandered into this movie expecting a heaping helping of horror, and instead were served superhero surprise. Sometimes this works (I liked the Crow, though I wouldn't say it has aged particularly well).

I do think there's room in the horror genre to expect high art now and again. The Ring leaps to mind. I'm not sure high art can be done when remaking the classic icons of horror. 'Classic' bears the tacit understanding that the best it can be has already been done, that everything to come from it is derivative and lesser. (I'm thinking of 'Nadja' - Dracula by David Lynch - mostly because of the drunk Van Helsing)

Mark,

Interesting comment, but I'd like to see you back it up with concrete references. My impression from his movies is that there are lambs and wolves. Think about Cameron Diaz in BJM, or Patricia Arquette in HN, or Joel and Clementine in Eternal Sunshine. Yes, all these people are surrounded by predators and occasionally the predators win (but not always--see BJM and Eternal), but that's a comment on human relations, not human beings. Occasionally bad guys win but unless we're looking for comic book morality, we can't discard a writer for representing that accurately.

But I look forward to you proving me wrong. :)

To Susan Ellison: I got the package of HERC stuff yesterday. Just marvelous, and I'll be listening to the "Prince Myshkin" tape while I compose my resume and cover letters for my impending job hunt today. Thanks loads and lots and hogsheads and yardarms and winnipegs and farlygolderols.

Item of Interest: http://books.guardian.co.uk/review/story/0,12084,1211200,00.html, a nice essay on Nabokov's _Pnin_.

Re Charlie Kaufman: I don't see why his alleged misanthropy is such a detriment. Frankly, the characters in _Eternal Sunshine_ struck me as flawed, self-absorbed, but extremely _real_, and very much like alot of people I know. They aren't noble. But they are real human beings. And the ability to capture _that_ trumps any value-judgements on Kaufman's view of humanity. (I'd like to note that Richard Linklater's first couple of films were equally "real" in the same sense of capturing what people really do and say in their lives. _Dazed and Confused_ caught teenagers in the 1970s extremely accurately. I should know. I was one.)

And so far, Kaufman has shown an amazing talent for taking surreal and fantastic conceits, and using them to reveal something about his characters. Most screenwriters would use such things as gimmicks, but Kaufman doesn't. He is an extraordinary talent, and I hope he will continue to flower over the coming years.

Harlan: Much thanks, and I shall. My apologies for bothering both you and Rick come in the following breath.

Rick: how's Homer and yourself faring?

I'd have loved to see Josh Gibson, Cool Papa Bell or Jackie Robinson play. I guess I love the hitters and offensive talent over hurlers.

By the way, Mark, these's some evidence that suggests that Satchel was pitching for the Indians in his sixties, he not having gone to the bother of getting his birth registered. How many women would've loved having that much skill of controlling age.

This from a girl raised in a Tigers household, hearing tales of Al Kaline, Mickey Lolich, Denny McLain, the year Billy Martin was Tigers manager, and how my father saw Hank Greenberg hit a huge bomb off Bob Feller.

Love to all, Melissa

That's right, Harlan.
:)
And you and Susan too.

Cindy

A&C Meet F
Doc wrote:
>>
I *LOVE* ABBOTT & COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN -- it's
the first movie I ever remember seeing (on teevee), and I still
check it out every chance I get (well, when it occurs to me;
usually around Hallowe'en...)!
>>

It works because, though A&C play it for laughs, the monsters all play it straight. As you may know, that's the *only* movie outside of the 1931 Dracula where Bela Lugosi played the part of Dracula.


>>
Wilbur:What was that?!?
Chic: That was the wind!
Wilbur:It should get oiled...
>>

That bit reminds me of a bit from a radio show, where Boris Karloff is leading Jimmy Durante into some trap or other, and Karloff's assistant, hiding in the shadows, blows out Durante's candle. It went something like this:

(puff of air blows out the candle)
Durante: What was that??
Karloff: It was just the wind, silly boy.
Durante: That's the foist wind I ever felt that eats onions!

Doc, if making chums means calling for time-outs on shotgunning movies that everyone knew from the get-go would be silly, I guess I'll stay friendless. My reaction to Adam's post was not so much in disagreement with some of his specific criticisms, but more a response to the...aesthetic appropriateness...of such a lengthy diatribe (which again included a lot of spoilers) against such an obvious and easy target. Save it for REAL dreck like Kill Bill, please.

I have nothing "against" House of Dracula, other than to point out that it was a pretty weak effort. Seeing as I own most if not all of the Universal films that have been mentioned here, a few on actual film, not DVD dumps, and have been viewing them and reading about them for over 30 years, I think you can give me a pass here. It's very easy to fall into the nostalgic trap of hailing everything that's over 50 years old...in many ways, the original Dracula, an acknowledged classic, was junk film-making (watch the Spanish version, made at the same time, for a comparison). Ditto large sections of the Frankenstein series, and almost all of the Universal Mummy films. Just because they are quieter, and feature old cuddlies like J. Carroll Naish and Lon Chaney Jr. doesn't make them any better than today's CGI-assault.

And Van Helsing has some pretty cool action figures...

HARLAN: I’m with J. Finn, I would have loved to see Paige pitch; especially all of his double and triple windups and his dipsy-do pitches. Did you ever have the chance to see him in person when he was with the Indians? They can say what they want about the longevity of Ryan and Clemmens: for all we know, Paige was close to or just past FIFTY when he retired.

“Charlie Kaufman is maybe the best guy writing movies right now and any honest person has to admit he's working in the same genre as our eponymous host.”

With one crucial difference, Teak. The films penned by Kaufman reveal his contempt for humanity, be it the characters that populate his screenplays or his regard for the audiences who view his films. Every line depicts a writer who has given up and retreated into the safe haven of misanthropy where he can mock the rest of us. Whereas our host, ‘though he has been let down, disillusioned and heart-broken by so many of the people he has encountered, has clearly not given up on humanity. In his essays, stories and scripts, Harlan continually pledges his hope for us, that the enlightened will preserver and somehow figure out a way to make this place a bit more tolerable, a bit more livable. And it’s that specific difference that moved me away from Charlie Kaufman’s movies and drew me deeper into Harlan’s work.

Respectfully,
Mark W.

HARLAN: Surprise, surprise, surprise! We dood it 'cause we
love ya, pal; & Susan too...

ATCastro: AT, that was the bestest, funniest diatribe I've read
in a long time! I wanted VAN HELSING to be good, but I KNEW it
wouldn't -- KNEW it. Even mediocre movies tell you at some point
pre-release what the movie's about; not VH. And I so enjoy the
Univesal originals that I was sure I would be disappointed if I
went in to VH blind. I hated the remake of THE MUMMY. Being
led to expect a scary movie and getting instead a low-brainer
action movie... it's like expecting tea, but getting coffee. No
matter how good the coffee is, you were all set for tea. Jarring
is the word; in addition to getting a BAD action movie. In any
case, I plan to assiduously avoid everything (if any) Sommers
makes from here on. Pfui.

ERIC MARTIN: You don't seem bent on making a lot of chums,
here, Smedley. I won't try to defend something to a man who has
already made up his mind, but I will say that you under-value
the Universal horror movies more than somewhat, and FRANKENSTEIN
MEETS THE WOLF-MAN in particular. The sets were fine, the acting
also fine. Even the writing wasn't the problem. The problem was
the line of suits from the studio's front office who marched in
and made out of hand changes to Siodmak's script. That's why
Lugosi seems so ill-at-ease in his performance -- his perform-
ance was chopped and rewritten. The Monster originally had
dialogue, carrying out continuity from GHOST OF FRANKENSTEIN,
wherein Ygor's brain was installed in the Monster. If presented
as written, it would have been a very different picture. And I
have no idea what you have against HOUSE OF DRACULA...

DOONER: I *LOVE* ABBOTT & COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN -- it's
the first movie I ever remember seeing (on teevee), and I still
check it out every chance I get (well, when it occurs to me;
usually around Hallowe'en...)!


Wilbur:What was that?!?
Chic: That was the wind!
Wilbur:It should get oiled...

Chic: *I* know there's no such person as Dracula, *you* know
there's no such person as Dracula --
Wilbur:But does *Dracula* know it?

Two thoughts:

1) Stephen Sommers still gets a break from me for directing a very early Elijah Wood movie, "The Adventures of Huck Finn." Damn good version of Twain.

2) Satchel Paige, Harlan? Sigh - the one player from before my time that I'm sad I missed.

Harlan completists: Hey, some quotations from M. Ellison in Entertainment Weekly's article on Poppy Z. Brite (April 30, 2004). Yes, I am running behind on my magazine reading.

Cheers, Jon

THE "I HAVE NO MOUTH, AND I MUST SCREAM" CD-ROM GAME

Melissa:

It CAN CAN CAN CAN CAN yes it CAN be bought by anybody, through this website. Doesn't matter if they live in Zamboanga, Quito, Minituckport, Ultima Thule or Barsoom.

The confusion has been straightened out. Sell it everywhere. Recommend it universally. We have all the stock, so no one else is going to be able to provide it at the low price we ask.

Now, Melissa, that should set your mind at ease. Even Rick now has the word, which he should've had long ago. The error was mine.

Sorry, yr. pal, Harlan

Harlan or Susan:

Do you recall last year the small fracas we'd had when I had wanted to purchase the "I Have No Mouth..." PC game, but thought I'd had to forgo purchasing it here at Webderland upon reading "not for sale outside the USA"? I seem to recall you yelling at me a bit for not buying the game here, then, upon discovering the problem, telling me that it was a case of serendipity and that the game could be sold to folks beyond US borders?

A cousin had tried Scotty's copy of the game, loved it, and asked about purchase for himself. I gave him the web address, telling him where to find the link on your homepage. He came to the site, saw the same posting in the blurb for the game. He called me hoping to clarify the situation, and, not being able to get me on the phone took the blurb at its word, purchasing the game elsewhere (and at a higher price).

Now, I've emailed Rick for clarification and he has told me that the statement is how the Ellisons want it.

If the case is that it cannot be sold to non-US citizens, that's fine with me. I'm not too up on the intricacies of international commerce. I just don't like informing people that they can buy someting they can't, or misinforming someone to a point where a chance to sell or purchase something is missed. Could someone please clarify this?

Else, I'll just stick to Canadian vendors.

Thanks, Melissa

Rich,

Ain't it, tho? I brought it uo here because it reminded me of Mr. Ellison's film essays, a running them of which was that good science fiction movies--Sleepers, Charlie, etc--were always denied the label. Charlie Kaufman is maybe the best guy writing movies right now and any honest person has to admit he's working in the same genre as our eponymous host.

ROB

Jiri Trnka does incredibly good stuff with stop motion puppetry.

He's a Chzech artist that turned out some honest-to-God technical masterpieces behind the Iron Curtain during the 1950's; some of it has a political orientation that would make Frank Church's mouth water. There is a DVD of some his called 'The Puppet Films of Jiri Trnka'.

ROB,

I've heard that computer-generated werewolves can be a royal bitch (get it? GET IT?!) for animators. Among the real-life elements that are SUPREMELY difficult to master by digital means are 1)fire, and 2) fur. It's a pity, since I would absolutely love to see a movie werewolf that successfuly combines CGI and live-action puppetry/animatronics into a seamless whole. The majority of on-screen werewolves we've seen to date have been little more than slavering beasts. Personally, the werewolf in AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON ceases to engage me the minute David Naughton has vanished from the picture completely, and replaced by a soulless puppet. It would be interesting to tranpose a human actor's performance somehow into his/her lycanthropic alter ego, just to see how human emotions would struggle to emerge from an entirely bestial form.

By the way: My brother is a highly devoted fan of claymation himself, and he can recommend a good variety of films for you to check out. Here they are:

Good day, this is The Brother speaking. I am actually more a fan of traditional stop-motion animation (ie. using puppets and armatures) as opposed to claymation. However! If you're up for a brave investigation into this alchemical art, here's a few suggestions:

1) Films my Jan Svankmajer: An animator from the Czech Republic, an honest-to-God sincere surrealist, and a survivor of Soviet censorship boards - intense. Best feature films are: Alice (a phantasmagoric interpretation of the Lewis Carrol brain squeezing exercise), Faust (Mephisto as reflective beast), Conspirators of Pleasure (Porno mags and chicken heads) and Little Otik (or why you should never suckle a log). His short films have been recently collected on DVD (The Collected Shorts of Jan Svankmajer Vols. 1 & 2), both are crazy.

2) Films by the Brothers Quay. Twin American expats burrowed deep inside London...Visions of Morbid Silence and slippery scaled dreams...key short films include "Street of Crocodiles" and "The Comb"...I believe their best films have been collected onto a single VHS/DVD...they also did a non-animated feature film called "Institute Benjamenta", which is well worth a look if you're in the mood for existential musings in an expressionist school for butlers.

3) "The Secret Adventures of Tom Thumb" - a grotesque fable for the ages! Tom Thumb is born of sickly mother and faulty in-vitro fertilization machines, is captured by mad scientists, befriends pickled internal organs, meets Jack the Giant Killer...live actors are filmed using stop-motion techniques, acting alongside puppets. Weird.

4) Wladyslaw Starewicz's "The Mascot" follows a little puppy who wanders into a 20s club run by Satan. I saw a collection of this guy's shorts...some are a little too sachrine for my likes, but his mind did seem to snap on occasion, making for bizarre trips like this one.

5) "Creature Comforts" a collection of films by Nick Park and others at Aardman animation, the creators of Wallace and Gromit. The title tale is hilarious.

6) Ray Harryhausen: right, I'm sure you've heard of him, but just in case you haven't I must recommend a few of his films. Personal favourites: "The Golden Voyage of Sinbad", "20, 000, 000 miles to Earth," "Valley of Gwangi" (dinosaurs vs. cowboys, hmm? Brilliant!), "Jason and the Argonauts" and "The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad".

PS. A czech animator called Jiri Barta is spectacular (he did a splendid adaptation of The Pied Piper of Hamlin) but I have only seen his films in the theatre, during a special festival of Czech fantasy movies...so far as I know, his films are unreleased commercially in North America. But keep an eye out for him.

That's it. Good eating.

DTS


I remember the first time I asked "What is a Dorman".

Now I know.

heheh


respectfully,

neal

Why vote for Bush?
Rich wrote:
>>
I'm going to agree with Janeane Garafolo who said that a vote for Bush is a character flaw. I've asked on the other side, but haven't seen anyone answer, but is there a reason I should vote for Bush? Seriously.
For the few conservatvies [sic] out there reading this site and voting for Bush, can someone explain why? Not necessarily on this side as there is a forum on the other board to discuss this, but I'm very curious considering Bush and Kerry seem to be split fairly evenly according to some polls. I don't understand why someone would even consider voting for Bush and I haven't read or seen anything that would help me understand. Maybe it's a fool's game, but I'm utterly perplexed.
>>

It's an embarrasing admission to make. Close to 50 million people (give or take a mega-few) are going to do something of public interest, and you have absolutely no idea why.

I'm not going to tell you why to vote for Bush (so, in effect I'm skirting around your question), but I would say that it's a flaw of sorts to be so completely in the dark about it. Even if you agree with Harlan's "Death to the Common Man" sentiments, expressed in The Glass Teat, you should still want (and NEED) to know WHY people do what they do, if it's anything you care about.

*Especially* if you disagree with them, because your chances of talking someone out of a position (which, presumably you would like to do) are virtually nil, if you have no idea what they're thinking. If there's a character deficiency in voting for the man, then there's a corresponding intellectual deficiency in not being able to conceive why. Even if the other guy is flat out wrong, the mistake has to be located before it can be corrected.

One of my preferred methods of self-torture used to be posting on the now-defunct MSNBC Opinion Board. Though there were a few renegade intellectuals of all stripes (who got along with each other amazingly well), 90% of the postings were by people who sat there all day screaming bloody murder about people and events that they didn't understand. To them, it was almost a point of personal pride NOT to understand the other point of view because it was so far beneath them.

Of course, I don't address this at you, or mean to compare you to them for an instant. I'm just making the point that failure to understand the other side in any issue is a debit, not a credit.

For this sort of situation, what I would recommend is to take a sort of mental inventory of all the issues that are of major importance to you. Abortion, capital punishment, et cetera. You know, all the usual suspects. For each one of them, ask the same question that you're asking here. Can you conceive of how any intelligent, fair-minded person could possibly hold a contrary view on this issue? If you end up with a whole succession of No's, that could be a warning sign that your own views are not as well thought out as they might be. You know, as John Stuart Mill said, he who knows only his own view knows little of even that.

That's not to say that you should vote for Bush, nor is it to say that any of your viewpoints need changing. But they might need review. I've voted in 6 Presidential elections, not for the same party each time (and not for Bush in 2000, BTW), and each time, I could have at least begun to tell you why somebody might want to vote for the Other Guy.


Now, one point worth commenting on is your idea that voting for Bush is a character flaw. Let's assume that you're right about that. Why would anyone do it then? Well, has it occurred to you that most of the people who are upset about Bush's character are the same people who spent 8 years during the 90's saying that character didn't matter? That lies didn't matter? That even possible felonies didn't matter, so long as they were little personal ones that didn't impact the entire nation?

Now, you can try to talk around that ("Oh yes, but that was just little stuff, and this is big stuff"), but that misses the point. If the whole ISSUE of character is an irrelevant one, as these people kept claiming, then it makes no **difference** which character flaws are bigger and which are smaller. It may well be that some of the votes Bush gets this time will be a direct result of his enemies having lowered the bar on Presidential behavior during the 90's. They took an ethical shortcut. They tossed the character question out the window, for the sake of personal gain, thinking that they could just pick it up again whenever it suited them, and it may not be that easy. The bar may be lowered for *everybody* for some time to come.

(I'm sorry if this message posted twice. The mouse clicked itself after I quoted the initial text, and posted with no reply of my own added. Incredibly feeble as that excuse sounds, that's what happened. The mouse button may be getting wonky and clicking when it's picked up and placed down too hard.)

The Monster Mash

Eric - In the name of Bela's cape, I have to side with DTS here. To besmoich the family tree of classic Universal horror movies in a single swipe is wrong; WRONG I tells ya. To use the "who can relate to the characters?" card is missing the point. The early Lugosi version had clear conviction and sympathy for the material; VAN HELSING doesn’t. The POINT about VH is that these days we see nothing BUT this shit. The 30’s was replete with good work in the genre; even the 40’s, during which you see the quality curve dive when major spook flicks pandered to THAT generation of air-head teens, who’d come to mock horror films, saw moments of high quality because of people like Val Lewton. The POINT is that today VH is ALL you see out there. It’s ALL lower-the-bar brainsless shit.

BTW, the acting in FRANKESTONE MEETS DA VOLFMAN holds REALLY well between Lon Chaney and Maria Ouspenskaya; the first half o' the flick is actually pretty good. It's the SECOND half that get's REALLY bad. (Still...when I was a kid I loved the two beasts dukin' it out) If you REALLY want to draw justified comparisons, recall HOUSE OF FRANKENSTEIN (the one VAN HELSING reminds me of), HOUSE OF DRACULA, and the one I think is by FAR the worst of that era, GHOST OF FRANKENSTEIN (horrifically stupid). It is these latter three VAN HELSING taps in on. That's not "ALL" the Universal classics. The earlier entries were fantastic (I am a devout James Whale fan).

Get your monster history straight or it's to the pit and the pendulum for you.

DTS,

I'm inclined to agree with you about Sommers' take on The Mummy only in that the humor worked. I still think it's a downgrade from a REALLY nice film, the Karloff original, which takes its time to evoke and think about its dark myths. Sommers' action-cluttered remake - and its sequel, which I also enjoyed more than I thought I would - caters to today's ADD afflicted audiences. VAN HELSING, I sense, is a step down even further drawing on everything we've seen over and over in the last few years, "conveniently" drawing from a period unknown to a generation conscious of little beyond MTV.

Hey…just imagine Harlan handing his new Dr. Moreau story to Sommers then imagine what Sommers would wind up doing with it. That would be the litmust test for me. I don’t think I’d trust Sommers at all.

BTW, WHY IS HALLOWEEN SO EARLY THIS YEAR?

Adam-Troy,

Just a brief issue of pointless semantics: speaking for myself I reserve labels like "brain dead movies" strictly for derogatory, as when a movie offers next to nothing. SPIDER-MAN, though I have tons of problems with it, I wouldn’t consider brain dead because it touches on human pain. That raises it, if only a little, above the level of a "brain dead summer movie". In other words, it was trying to do just a bit more.


Washu,

Re: CGI

As quickly as I can type this, I can only talk about cgi from visual theory, that being my own. If you want an opinion drawn from experience Jon is the dude to ask.

Apart from that my MAIN feeling about cgi right now is that, in many ways, it’s already dated. I feel as though producers are unaware how obvious imaging is to audiences now. From the mechanical censor movements and mismatched gradient of monster/alien effects to cartoon smoke. The technology works well for SOME types of effects; but it still needs improving for other types. A few examples in which I think they work include Dark City and Matrix; Terminator: Judgement Day; Spawn; From Hell; seem to remember Death Becomes Her with Goldie Hawn and Meryl Streep working fairly well; what I’ve seen of AI; the first Jurassic Park (only saw parts of the sequels); lots of t.v. commercials take really good advantage of what it can do (the old Apple-cum-1984 commercial was beautiful).

I still say it was disappointing in The Hulk and Spider-Man (occasionally); it’s REALLY bad in Scooby Doo (and I only saw the previews); American Werewolf in Paris sucked; certainly what I’ve seen in the outakes from VAN HELSING, many martial arts movies now, and a lot of stuff on the Sci Fi channel is bad. TITANIC, in enhanced ratio, REALLY exposes its seams; you suddenly spot the cartoons rather than the people running about on deck.

I actually have a problem when they use cgi in Disney type animated features to make, say, water or massive crowds look TOTALLY real. Because we know they can look totally real in live action movies it has the inverse effect on me when they try to impress that way in animated movies (that otherwise look flat in the old cell style).

Now, the Pixar stuff is great.

A few years ago I was reading an interview with the director Jack Arnold, who’d done some really inventive low budget sf in the 50’s (most importantly INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN and CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON). He really knew his technical stuff. Their biggest headaches in the days of traveling matte was contending with matte outlines and jittering objects because of some misalignment with optical printer. Arnold detailed ways they dealt with these problems, including the kind of care the equipment (you don’t clean the heads in the optical printer - which, he said, technicians often didn’t - and it creates bad alignment). Sometimes in the original Star Trek series you’d spot spaceships jittering against a planet or starry background as an example.

Anyway, now cgi has to upgrade to deal with really poor cartoon-like and mechanical results where they clearly aren’t working. I understand the costs for software are improving, and the proliferation of computer-generated graphics is still widening the trends. But cgi budgets are still much higher than live action budgets. I THINK one day that’s going to change. As someone interested in slowly moving into film I can see myself creating MOST of the dramatizing on the computer (designing most of the sets for instance rather than building them; I mean even more than is being done now). But to make it work to extent I am imagining I think the software still needs to be improved. Still, there’s a lot of stuff I’m looking forward to messing with next year.

Incidentally, I REALLY like claymation a lot.

Rich wrote:
>>
I'm going to agree with Janeane Garafolo who said that a vote for Bush is a character flaw. I've asked on the other side, but haven't seen anyone answer, but is there a reason I should vote for Bush? Seriously.
For the few conservatvies out there reading this site and voting for Bush, can someone explain why? Not necessarily on this side as there is a forum on the other board to discuss this, but I'm very curious considering Bush and Kerry seem to be split fairly evenly according to some polls. I don't understand why someone would even consider voting for Bush and I haven't read or seen anything that would help me understand. Maybe it's a fool's game, but I'm utterly perplexed.
>>

Forgive
Brief answer to direct question (forgive me): she hated the film, too, and we don't hold her choice against her.

THE GROUP WEBDERLAND KICK DONATION

It was waiting, an element of the 5-day 500-piece mail that we accrued while in NYC. unostentatious envelopes, in the stack. I was too bushed even to open the mail on Thursday. I slept most of Friday. Saturday, I did a little. On Sunday, which was yesterday, I opened it...and was too stunned by the contents even to read the specifics of how it came to be. I hadn't a clue of a forewarning, of course. And as Susan saw I was immobilized by it, she took it away.

If it is what I think it is, you people are in for a...well...I don't know...a youshouldn't'adoneit...a holygeeeezus...I don't know. All I know for certain is that all of you, and Dorman, will be taken skyward when The Rapture makes it onto the agenda, right, Cindy?

I think I am humbled, disarmed, flustered, and vastly grateful. Please bear with me till I get squared away, before I enter a full thankyou.

Jeeeez...you guys!

Harlan

ATC: I, too have a limit movie budget so I know how you feel. As far as I’m concerned, Charlie Kaufman owes me ten bucks, the amount I spent for renting “Being John Malkovich” and “Adaptation.”

Rich: Although I am not now, nor will ever be, in support of the Cheney-Bush Junta, you may want to check out that lovable contrarian, Christopher Hitchens, and his case for regime change in Iraq. It’s a very narrow framework he’s operating in, but still, among all the people arguing for the legitimacy of the War in Iraq, his case is the most cogent. I know this doesn’t fully answer your question, but Hitchens’ essays may give you some things to think about.

Later,
Mark W.

I'm going to agree with Janeane Garafolo who said that a vote for Bush is a character flaw. I've asked on the other side, but haven't seen anyone answer, but is there a reason I should vote for Bush? Seriously.

For the few conservatvies out there reading this site and voting for Bush, can someone explain why? Not necessarily on this side as there is a forum on the other board to discuss this, but I'm very curious considering Bush and Kerry seem to be split fairly evenly according to some polls. I don't understand why someone would even consider voting for Bush and I haven't read or seen anything that would help me understand. Maybe it's a fool's game, but I'm utterly perplexed.

ATC,
I'm curious. Did the lady that suggested you go see VAN HELSING like the flick? Or was it roundly panned by all involved? And I'm assuming that she can't choose the next one for, say, a year.

Jay,
I'm remiss, but I do want to offer my congrats at your upcoming nuptials and it sounds like you guys have a good thing going. Again, congratulations.

Teak,
ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND is, so far, the best movie I've seen this year. I can't praise it enough.

Well, not going to see "Van Helsing", and the loinfruit have shown little interest in the film. If there's a diamond in this particular pile of rubbage, I guess it's Universal's move to create exhaustive DVD packages for its stable of monster legends in the Legacy series. Frankie, Drac and my favorite lycanthrope all will have sets, each containing numerous films and additional material. have ordered one of each: I'm looking forward to seeing "Bride of Frankenstein" and the original "Dracula" again in remastered form.

Tomorrow I get "Invader Zim: Doom, Doom, Doom". Hehehehehe....

Scott, wanting sammich...

ALEX: Thanks, I appreciate that.

ON VAN HELSING: The one thing these CGI fests do is give me a stronger appreciation of Karloff, Lugosi, Carradine, Strange and Chaney Jr. Say, does anyone here like Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein? I shudder at the thought of that being re-made.

Steve Dooner

PS.

Chick: Dracula that's the bunc!

Wilbur: That's what I'm sayin'. That's his bunk!

Chick! *wheeze* Chick! CHIIIICCCCK!

Van Helsing
Ain't suspicious at all.

Sometimes we find ourselves obligated.

With my movie budget limited to no more than one a week, and plenty of good films available even at that generous ration (though many are indies are foreign), I usually do avoid those big-budget films that give off sufficient advance stench, as VAN HELSING certainly did; in this particular case, as with ARMAGEDDON some years back, I found myself obliged to join large group of friends obliging the one member among us who hadn't picked a film for a while. She was into the Hugh Jackman eye-candy; the rest of us, humoring her, were hoping that it wouldn't be any worse than THE MUMMY. It was.

Three days...

Alex Jay: It helps to have weird friends. I don't think they'd ever do Cossacks, but once at a relatively conservative wedding they did something called The Monkey Dance on the floor which went over about as well as Michael Moore at the RNC with the bride's family. I'll just be happy if all of them don't crossdress to the reception. Into the reception notes I actually had to write "Crossdressing, while not prohibited, MUST be tasteful."

Of course that one's down the road in October. Thursday's the day it's all legal and stuff. In lieu of gifts, make a contribution to KICK in our names and that would be cool.

Holden wants to see Van Helsing. That's a wait for DVD to me.

DTS:

Certainly all monster movies are not equals. And “Van Helsing” isn’t going to make anyone’s Top Ten list for great horror shows.

BUT, and it’s a big BUT, all the trailers and advance reviews gave a pretty clear indication of what “Van Helsing” was going to be: an overblown, loud, silly actioner. How anyone, especially the denizens of this particular board, could walk into a theater without this knowledge is hard to believe, and it makes the subsequent lengthy pannings a little suspect.

I say suspect because the standards to which “Van Helsing” is being held to in these screeds, such as believable characters you identify with, or astronomically accurate plotting, are not standards to which we hold any of the great horror movies. Who in the 1931 Dracula can you identify with? David Manners? Helen Chandler? Talk about under-written characters! Nor is the stagey, stereotyped Dr. van Helsing of that movie any more interesting or better written than Hugh Jackman’s character. Sure, you’ll find a few clever nuggets in the old Universals, but think of all the downtime you have to wade through to get to them. For every “Bride of Frankenstein,” there’s ten “House of Draculas.”

You won’t get any argument from me that “Van Helsing” has way too many rope swings, an uninteresting, blaring soundtrack, and too much Incredible Hulk-ish CGI action. But again, it’s just a monster movie. To expect it to hold forth with some kind of literary script, or believable, method-acted characters, or be artsy or innovative or clever, especially in light of the previews that we all saw, comes off as just a chance to take easy shots (and post a lot of spoilers) at what Stravinsky would term an unresisting imbecility.

Remember that next time you watch a ball game…talk about a moronic waste of time…

Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there.

Chuck

THE GROUP DONATION
TO ALL WHO CONTRIBUTED: Since quite a few of you guys have asked about it -- even after my last posting -- I'll make it clear (there's no reason to be coy about it anymore since it's no longer a secret): according to the U.S. postal system's tracking dept., the letter containing the GROUP KICK DONATION arrived in Sherman Oaks last thursday. So did a separate package containing notes, etc., from all of you guys. You are all equal partners in crime, so feel free to direct any future queries about it to Harlan.

For my part, I'm happy knowing I could be a small part of your "groupmind" good wishes and generosity. Your faithful servant (who now hands the reins back to you all),
DTS

I love ya, Frankie.
;)
Cindy

MICHAEL, JAY: If ever I have the unearn'd luck, scape the serpent's tongue, and trick some poor fool of a woman to thinking I'm worth marrying, YOU guys are on the Planning Committee.

DTS: Um ... hasn't the Eagle landed? Do we have a problem, Houston?

MARK WALSH, HARLAN: Come ON, guys. ONE pitcher to rule them all, and in the darkness bind them? No contest: Bob Gibson. Especially if it's the '68 model.
(And Eric Gagne or Billy Wagner for the save ...)

But, thinking some more about it--if the fate of the world rides on the game, then we have to posit outside influence, likely either a vast conspiracy, or aliens. So with that in mind, maybe we should get Steve Carlton or Bill Lee. After all, Steve-O knows all about conspiracies, and Bill Lee IS the Spaceman ...

KEITH: If you have ANY government which leans toward democracy (or slouches in its general direction, more like), you cannot help but have partisanship. There will always be an Us and a Them. Sometimes even and Us, a Them, a Them2, and a Them3. Assuming that a full democracy will never come about in our time (remember, mob rule is democracy at its truest), we have to then assume a representative sort of republic. If that's the case, then there will have to be parties to provide support and infrastructure to help the reps get elected.

And I believe that ineffective government is caused, quite simply, by government itself (remember, I WORK for 'em). Go to the Congressional Record for any given day when Congress is in session. Read through the FULL TEXT of every bill on that day. Congratulations! You just did something that pretty much NO representative or senator does. Even were government pared down to its barest essentials, there would still be SO MUCH crammed into what they do and what they vote on, especially when they're taking calls from constituents, canvassing the neighborhood, fundraising for themselves, for other candidates, or for causes, et cetera.

(And STEVE DOONER: Yes; I share your anger--as if you can't tell from all the political stuff I've been posting over on the Webderland Forum ...)

LI'L WASHU: Gave my mommeleh a high-end back massager, and accompanied her without complaint to a Yentaville Brunch at the synagogue.

VAN HELSING continued
I skimmed over whoever called me to task on VAN HELSING, but I should note the following: I have no problem with brain-dead summer-type movies. Movies I enjoyed to various degrees include SPIDER-MAN, DIE HARD, even the first MUMMY. VAN HELSING struck me as not just dumb, not just stupid, not just brain-dead, but of a negative value: downright painful to watch. In case I hadn't made that clear.

AZ / USofA
It's nice to know that Adam-Troy grew as irritated as I during all those Van Helsing flying vampire chicks and swinging scenes.

Eric....it's not "just a monster movie, dudes." It's the epitome of today's movie going public: yearning to 'escape' with fluff. Hey, I can escape with the best of 'em, but I can also escape with The Godfather II and Apocalypse Now and Pulp Fiction and Field Of Dreams and Monty Python and the Holy Grail and Dr. Strangelove and 2001 and The Sopranos and and and and and....I can escape with fluff too; many guilty pleasures in my closet yearning to be set free to embarrass this well-respected businessman.

This ain't just a monster movie......this is the type of movie that would send children into drooling comas like that Japanese cartoon. This is the type of movie that makes $60 million dollars in it's first weekend so that they continue to churn out more and more of these types of movies because, hey, it's what we all want.

It ain't just a monster movie....it's a loud videogame produced to sell loud videogames. I'm not as concerned with the logic of this type of movie; Adam-Troy made some good story points that are really unnecessary for this type of crap (man, I didn't get those horses either....I wondered if I had dozed and missed the part where they were 'special' horses). Logic can go to hell in action flicks as long as they are done well. What I'm concerned with is that action flic are no longer James Bond or Dirty Harry or Indiana Jones or the original Star Wars or Jaws or any of dozens of quality actioners....action flics are now flashing lights and explosions and constant CGI because, hey, The Lord Of The Rings did it so well didn't it?

Action flics are movies that try to sell themselves off as just monster movies, yet insist that no single death or event remain the same....thus some vampires melt away while others burn like bad Buffy scenes, and some werewolves tear themselves out of the skin of their human host while others simply morph the human into a big doggie, and some vampire chicks swoop from the sky and scream into the camera as either crazy-eyed demons or rubber faced circus freaks whose mouths stretch two feet below their noses.

It ain't just a monster movie. It's today's fun summer day at the theater. Drop off the kids, let them have a blast, and then write to the local paper about how Howard Stern needs to be banned and television has too much sexuality to it during the hours that the kiddies, still jittery from their Van Helsing sugar-high experience, should have been to bed long ago.

OK, I better stop now, as I see this rant heading in an entirely other direction; attacking those who march daily to "keep the titties from the kiddies" while the grown ups must pay the price with watered-down fluff.

Another day. -TODD

Happy Mother's day, Cindy, Melissa and whoever else has littlettes.

frankincense and mir under the marriage beds. Try to avoid chafing.

--------------

Brian, there are 25 deaths as part of the abuse. Rape of young boys and the like. But unlike the 80's, we aren't farming the abuse to the contras.

Our reality show culture has come to bite us bad.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, ONE AND ALL!

I gave my Mom a miniature statue of Venus de Milo. What did YOU give to your mother today?

ADAM-TROY,

It might make you feel better to know that the Hugh Jackman Van Helsing is NOT the Van Helsing of the Bram Stoker text. His first name is different..."Gabriel", I believe. He might be Abraham's son-in-law twice removed, which would explain a lot.

ROB,

It would be interesting if you could illustrate at some point your ideals of "good" CGI and "bad" CGI with examples directly plucked from various films. You know, a simple matter of picking up a long stick, and pointing at a chalkboard: "O.K., here's why THIS is good, and here's why THIS sucks royal elephant ass..." You know, just to legitimately set down the key differences between the two.

Just an idea.

Mother's Day/Summer Reading
Melissa: happy Mother's Day. Sounds like your family has lauded you in grand fashion. As well they ought...

My kids made gifts for me at school. They had a difficult time keeping them secret and have wanted to drop hints or tell me for days. But I didn't want to know and they kept the surprise for today. They brought me coffee in bed, snuggled up to me for a minute, then broke out the gifts.

My oldest made a really neat "card" for me in math class. It was interlocking squares of paper that formed a wreath. The wreath appeared blank until you pushed the squares of paper into a pinwheel. On each point of the pin wheel, he had written reasons that he loves me. I was touched and tickled. It was such a clever device. He had also made a small pillow in home ec class which he hid in plain sight claiming it was his. But today, he presented it to me with apologies for tricking me.

The youngest gave me a plant in a small pot that he had molded and painted himself in art class. It was lovely (and I hope I don't kill the plant. I have a bad track record with house plants. No green thumb have I).

And my husband gave me a card that made me cry as well as the terrycloth headbands I had requested to keep sweat out of my eyes during my summer walking regimen.

I feel like the luckiest chick on the planet!

Summer Reading: I've thought about this for a while and have assembled a short pile of trash and classics for poolside enjoyment. It's not a huge list. I stay pretty busy. I just read Lysistrata and it took me several days simply because I'm busy and read in itty-bitty snippets now. In the summer, I have the luxury of a little more time to read while overseeing the aquatic activities of the small fry. I hope to get to:

A JAZZ ODYSSEY by Oscar Peterson (been reading this for a while; again in small snippets. Will finish this summer).

THE SCARLET LETTER by Nathaniel Hawthorne

MILLENIUM GIRL some mass market paperback I picked up at the dollar store because it was cheap and looked fun. FUN, I tell you! F-U-N!!

TARZAN OF THE APES by Edgar Rice Burroughs (I have always wanted to read this but never got around to it. I love all things Tarzan. As a kid, I wanted to be Tarzan. As a 'tween, I had a crush on Tarzan. It's about time I read an actual Tarzan BOOK).

I also have some good magazines that I've not gotten to completely read yet: issues of CODA, and DOWNBEAT, and JAZZTIMES as well as issues of FIERCE, and BITCH. I've skimmed through most of them, but still have things left to read.

I notice that several folks have THE LOVELY BONES on their list. I read it last summer and enjoyed the book (it was terrifying in some ways; but as Dorie mentioned way, way back, the writing is beautiful). I felt somewhat let down by the ending, though. I will be curious to maybe hear what others (especially the esteemed readers here) think about it (though perhaps it's best discussed on the general board).

Anyway, I just felt like piping up and saying hi. I've been just lurking for a while and the last things I'd like to say before I go are 1) ALEX K.: I was very happy to learn you have battled the cancer successfully. May it stay away. May your health continue to improve 2) JAY: Many congratulations and all best luck on your nuptials and the family, and 3)DTS, thanks for the update and for your services rendered.

All best to HE and Susan and all the rest of the Webderland crowd!

There are monster movies; and there are movies that are monsters
ERIC: To say all monster movies are equal is soooo wrong, dude (notice the levity). I enjoyed the hell out of "The Mummy" and "The Mummy Returns," both of which were written and directed by Sommers. But I was ready to leave "Van Helsing" early into the movie -- right after the opening scene, where the brother of the character played by Kate Beckinsdale, flips backward and up, onto a post, to avoid a werewolf which he is trying to trap and kill. Right away it was obvious that the writer wasn't going to give us moviegoers any "ordinary heroes" with whom we could identify (I won't go into all of the gravity, nature and logic-defying things, or lack of real backstory, that did or didn't take place in the movie -- Adam-Troy covers it below). As the movie progressed, Van Helsing and Beckinsdale proved to be uberhumans, with whom no one in the audience could relate. (The closest regular guy was a sidekick, but that doesn't count -- sidekicks are always regular guys -- although this one was at least a Friar who gets laid). In "the Mummy" Brendan Fraser wasn't an uberman out to save the human race; he was a flawed hero whose own flaws caused him to get caught up in something bigger than himself. And Fraser's character was often visibly frightened; he didn't always land on both feet. Yeah, suspension of disbelief was called for -- as in most horror, sf, fantasy films -- but Sommers did a terrific job with his characters and backstory. Which made it was a fun movie, and made it easier for the audience to relate to the hero.
By the way, ALL of those old horror movies WEREN'T dogs in the writing dept. (The acting could be argued, but then a lot of actors back then were a bit stiff). "The Wolf Man" written by Curt Siodmak (even in the heavily edited form that made it to the screen) is excellent! (Though I'd love to read the original, which, apparently, left it to the audience's descretion whether or not Larry Talbot was really turning into an animal or was simply insane).
"Even a man who is pure at heart
And says his prayers by night,
May become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms
And the Autumn moon is bright."

Hell, I even dug his follow-up script, "Frankenstein Meets the Wolf-Man." Now I'm off to chase cars, bite tires and generally rouse the neighborhood from it's Mother's Day slumber. Aaaaaaaaahoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
--DTS (aka, the Werewolf of KC)

I woke up to eggs florentine with orange and dill, champagne and orange juice, finished with yogurt with fresh strawberries and kiwi and a gift by my youngest of a jewellery box to replace the one she broke getting Mommy's earrings to play house. All of this done to the tune of a nice piano sonata by Chopin overlayed with the voices of the albino gorillas genetically bred by Professor Farnsworth in an episode of "Futurama" saying "Love, Mom!" over and over in a growling, guttural tone. Took about three minutes to get Scotty to turn the damn thing off.

To all the moms out there, the happiest wishes for the day.
Melissa and Scott

On Partisanship
KEITH: I too want to use good means to a good end. I too want to beat Bush by taking the higher moral ground. But isn't a little outrage--a little righteous indignation--called for when things get really bad?

When someone, say a secretary of defense, is quoted as saying that the Geneva Convention is "outdated" and then the men under this same secretary of defense commit acts of abuse and torture, I start to feel the "ad hominem" rising in my throat.

If someone, say a president, makes up a cause to attack another country out of whole cloth and then his made-up war exacts a high cost in human life, the invective starts pushing out of my mouth even if my teeth were clenched.

If a well-known businessman receiving regular paychecks from his "former" company becomes Vice President and then arranges an inflated, "no-bid" contract for that same company, well then expletives and deletives begin to whirl in the air (I'm sure they are not mine).

Would you have had no "high words" for Nixon when he secretly bombed Cambodia, or for MacNamara as he dug us into a nightmare that would cost 50,000 American lives? Would you have limited your vocabulary when Joe McCarthy asked for names, when Hoover spied on anti-war protesters, or when John "Bull" Conner put the iron boot of segregation down on his community? Would you have said that Dr. King engaged in uncivil "name-calling" when he called that same John "Bull" Conner a "racist"?

Keith, I know we can win the moral high ground on the merits of our arguments alone, but I'm not sure if that's enough to win the election. And to speak plainly, the merits of this case show these folks to be "bounders," plain and simple.

Why would the great, non-existent deity have blessed us with all this marvelous profanity if we are never suposed to use it?

With respect and courtesy,

Steve Dooner

Excuse my interuption of the essays, but I just spotted this item as Baby Doc Cheney was defending the administration, etc. "Don Rumsfeld is the best secretary of defense the United States has ever had". It'sa gonna be a long hard fight kids, but the chikens are comin' home to roost.

Saw "Van Helsing" last night, and I thought it was fun. The snowdrifts of outraged criticism on this board are a little misplaced: it's just a monster movie, dudes.

You might as well bring out the critical flogs on just about everything Universal has ever done--ever sit through "classics" like Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman? Terrible writing, bad acting, and cheap sets. But we (well, some of us) love them all the same.

Ditto Van Helsing. If I want high art, I'll read a book. But keep my monsters loud and outrageous, please. And let's not forget when "great" directors make "serious" monster movies, a la Branagh's Frankenstein and Coppolla's Dracula. Suckage. So much for thoughtful writing or dramatic pacing...with werewolves, I'll take the cheese anyday. Sybil Danning in Howling II, anyone?

VAN HELSING
wrote the following rant in 30 minutes of white-hot typing. I mean every
word of it, but will note for the record that it doesn't quite capture the
sheer DEPTH of the film's awfulness. I did my best.

VAN HELSING

At a certain point in VAN HELSING, the Stephen Sommers mess pitting a debased
version of that venerable character against debased versions of Dracula,
the Wolfman, Mr. Hyde and the Frankenstein monster, the titular character,
here an immortal hit man for the Vatican, fights a werewolf on the night
of the full moon. He is bitten during that confrontation. It therefore becomes
a story point that he will also become a werewolf himself, at the point
of the next full moon. Two nights hence.

I repeat. He is bitten by a werewolf on the night of the full moon. The
next full moon is scheduled for two nights hence.

Nobody says, well, here's the main problem with Transylvania. The months
are two nights long. Nobody says, you really can't make much headway against
monsters if full moons occur every other night. Nobody says, you know, this
story point really doesn't work; let's at least make some minimal gesture
toward the basic rules of the real world.

Of course, nobody says that a couple of scenes earlier, when a team of horses
pulling a carriage manages to leap over a chasm, defying gravity as if their
names included Donner and Blitzen.

Nobody says that because VAN HELSING possesses a case of attention-deficit
order astonishing even by the unfortunate standard now possessed by so many
summer movies. The movie is the product of a screenplay where making sense,
on any level, either logical or emotional, was simply not an issue. Forget
about being true to classic characters: these days, you have to be a pathetic
nerd to even care about such things. Forget even about telling a story that
engages on any level. In VAN HELSING, nothing matters except the next shrieking
climax, which is usually less than five seconds away.

Some people, action movie fans, may read that as a good thing.

It is not a good thing, of course. A movie that's all climax emerges as
nothing but loud. And, oh, boy, VAN HELSING is loud. From the music, which
is all too often nothing but a series of thudding drumbeats, to the plentiful
action scenes, which all too often take a single money shot like, let's
say, an airborne assault by a trio of winged vampire women, and cycles it
over and over well past the point where it has any impact. When these vampire
ladies attack a Transylvanian village, early on, they swoop from above.
Gain height. Swoop from above. Gain height. Swoop from above. Gain height.
Throw a cow through a wall. Swoop from above. Gain height. Swoop from above.
Gain height. Shriek at the camera. Shriek at the camera. Shriek at the camera.
Shriek at the camera. Shriek at the oh god swoop from above oh god it's
frikkin' enough already.

The whole movie is played on that level, to the point where the werewolf
simply bores, the vampire ladies merely irritate, Dracula himself is just
an annoying presence, and Van Helsing (in the person of charismatic actor
Hugh Jackman) is just an idiot in a floppy hat. The Frankenstein monster
has some chops -- here, he's a good guy -- but there isn't nearly enough
of him, and there are elements in his design, like a transparent skull with
glowing green brain inside, that are downright stupid.

Things happen here not because they should happen, but because everything's
so arbitrary that they might as well happen. For instance, a gravedigger
tries to kill Van Helsing for no apparent reason. Why? Well, why not? And
how does Van Helsing, and the vampire-hunting chick played by Kate Beckinsale,
find the aforementioned Frankenstein monster? Well, after they escape from
an initial encounter with Dracula, they wind up at the old windmill, step
on some rotted floorboards, and tumble ass-over-teakettle into the motley
gent's immediate subterranean neighborhood. Naturally, they do this just
in time to find out he's critical to the plot. Why does Van Helsing have
amnesia? To hide some stupid backstory, of course, but where does that amnesia
come from? Why does anything happen in this universe? Because, well, you
better not worry about it, because then you'd want a story, and then where
would you be?

The movie appropriates from its source material, of course, and also, with
various bits, from sources as varied as the James Bond movies, MARS ATTACKS,
THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY, and even X-MEN (Van Helsing gets to pop claws
in his brief foray as a a werewolf, and even say some highly Wolverinian
things about preferring not to know his origins). There's even a critical
plot point involving what looks like a Mad Magazine fold-out. The theory
for all of these borrowings seems to be that if it worked well elsewhere,
it'll work well here. (The James Bond hommage, with Van Helsing receiving
his weaponry from a Q analogue at the Vatican, is one of the few where this
turns out to be actually true.) But the film's most prevalent influence
seems to be, I kid you not, GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE. In that film, the idiot
jungle man swings on vines, again and again, often crashing head on into
walls. The joke becomes that each swing is more epic than the one before
it, until one final swoop that seems to cover miles of distance. VAN HELSING
goes further. Just about every major action scene involves Van Helsing swinging
from great heights, sometimes over bottomless chasms; it's a potentially
effective bit of stunt business that works in many other films that is here
repeated and repeated well past the point where it becomes tiresome. Van
Helsing swings from above to rescue Beckinsale's character from the harpies.
He does it again. He swings from above to rescue her from Dracula. He does
it again. Frankenstein's monster swings from a height, Kate Beckinsale's
character swings from a height, long long minutes of the film are taken
up by folks swooping and swinging and smashing into things miles above any
visible ground and the only time it has any effect at all is when it's unintentionally
funny, such as when the wolfman plunges a mile into a river and succeeds
only in reminding us of Wile E. Coyote. Just how much swooping and swinging
did Stephen Sommers believe we could tolerate before we started checking
our watches?

None of this is scary, in the sense of a good horror film. None of it is
magical, in the sense of the best Universal monster films. None of it is
exciting, in the sense of a good action film. None of it is funny, in the
sense of a good spoof film. The prior treatments by James Whale, Todd Browning,
Abbott and Costello, and Mel Brooks are simply confirmed as masterpieces
by comparison. They worked. They were exciting. They were entertaining.
They told stories. They didn't inflict tension headaches. They didn't assault
the senses. This one affected my wife to the point where, two-thirds of
the way in, she had to run to the bathroom and throw up. That was not stomach
sickness. That was pounding disorientation at the expense of everything
else.

It does help to be true to classic characters, of course, but, you know,
the original Universal films made large changes in the stories of Frankenstein
and Dracula. Their own creation, the wolfman, existed by rules they provided.
There is room for revisionism, even the ham-handed revisionism with which
they here treated the classic, complex character of Van Helsing. But these
characters worked, when they worked, for a reason. The wolfman and the Frankenstein
monster were tragic figures, with tragic resonance. Dracula had a simultaneously
repellent and attractive personality. Van Helsing was an eccentric, unlikely
avenger. They spoke to us. They lasted as characters because they spoke
to us. VAN HELSING not only reduces them to a level light years below what
we expect of the dumbest comic book, but neglects to provide any replacement
for that which it robs from them.

It is not a light entertainment. It is not a guilty pleasure, to be enjoyed
with the brain turned off. It is a terrible, awful, interminable, stupid,
hateful, idiotic ordeal of a movie. It is the worst movie I've seen in years.
Like Van Helsing's nemesis, it sucks. The only element which could save
it is fire.

Miss it if at all possible.



(ATC)

Mark,

"I don’t buy the Welles/Moore comparison. It strikes that putting Moore on equal footing with Welles"

As I was telling Mark, I WASN'T putting Moore and Welles on "equal footing". I would have to be a vacant MTV drone to put them on equal footing. I would have to be - for lack of a better word - a MORON. Steve's assessment is on the mark: Moore is transitory; Welles is timeless. But that's taking my little thesis in the wrong breath. This is not about their films or the range of their talents (a comparison one could not POSSIBLY justify). Rather, I was seeing parallels in the turbulent political events directly consequent of artistic decisions and how reactions in the establishment were sometimes turned to the artists' advantage. I know Welles' history and some of it reminds me of Moore's collisions (the Borders wrangle for instance). And although even these are not on comparable scale (Welles' bout with Hearst alone outweighs in significance ALL of Moore's confrontations together; and ultimately, of course, Welles was ostracized), the dynamics of these events and WHY they took place and HOW they, in turn, drew more attention to the work (crowds were largely drawn to said Harlem production of Macbeth, for instance, because of the controversy; likewise, Moore's scrapes often draw a larger following) are interesting to consider. But I assure you the comparison DOES end there.

To the now defunct Ben, and long-live LI'L Washu:

...you've no idea how happy I am to read your comments about Sommers. We're talking about the endless trail of condescending dumbed-down "popcorn" movies here. I just know your weakness for "critter" flicks and comics/graphic novel movies (all of which have potential to be incredible) and was wondering how this one read on your radar. I myself am dismissing it, unless I choose to check out the CGI, since that is part of what I'll be doing. The poster is what drew my eye, though; it's really beautiful. The poster being better than the movie? What else is new?

DEB,

May I offer a suggestion?

No two ways about it, you are a well-intentioned, kick-ass guardian angel looking after Todd. You’d do Xena proud. But before any of us decide to post kneejerk outbursts when we lose it let's pause before launching them to consider their legitimacy. We gotta ask ourselves, "Is this being immature? Is my thinking right? Does the punishment fit the crime?" I didn't, for instance, call Todd a moron. I said what he implied was moronic. I mean ALL of us say moronic things now and then.

...and I don't live in a world in which it is such an affront to address someone by his last name, whether in a serious breath or sarcastic one, that we call for slow disemboweling and tossing the scraps to the dogs (at least allow me the dignity of a burial). It all fits under the general heading of politically correct semantics - the spawning ground of kneejerk reactions. DISINCLINATION TO SEPARATE THE WORD FROM THE INTENT.

Now...according to my medical and neuropsychiatric records I am NOT a moron. I'll have to trust them on this.

The charge of being self-righteous, on the other hand, is a tough one to fight in court; I'll have to find a way to weasel out of that one later. Rumsfeld might be a good source to turn to about that.

Anyway, that’s my take. Believe it or not I have nothing else to say about it.br>

Best sci-fi movie ever
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. My god, has science fiction ever been so touching and intelligent? I don't know much about sci-fi awards or the weird conventions in which they occur but that movie better win a Hugo.

Family Vacation, Interior Provence

Goal: Bonding, amusement and emotional healing following my 5 month series of consecutive road trips.

Day 1

4:30 AM Jonah (8 mos.) let’s us know his belly is empty.
6:00 AM Elise (2 years) let’s us know her diaper is full.
6:45 AM Sophie (7 years), Gabriel (5 years), and Willow (3 years) want to know if they can make breakfast.
7:15 AM I come bolt upright, remembering saying to someone, “Yea, just get out of my bedroom.”

Sounds of activity from downstairs. It’s too late.

The troops have deployed with no commanding officers present.

8:15 AM I find myself sitting across from Linda, nibbling a croissant amidst the crumbs and butter smears of a culinary Waterloo. A little pool of spilled milk drips slowly off the table top, as the children search for exits.

I watch a Cheerio that is bobbing on the surface of my coffee.

The Cheerio is looking back at me, disintegrating slowly.

The healing has begun.

Van Helsing.....Oh Lord, why must I be such a lover of films that I allow myself (and Debbie) to sit through such movies as....Van Helsing. (OK, Debbie liked it for the eye candy effects and eye candy Wolverine).

I like a good, loud summer piece of shit as much as the next guy, but this one is all noise, flying chicks picking up villagers, noise, flying chicks picking up Wolverine, noise, flying chicks picking up Kate Beckinsale, noise and a buncha flashing lights. To top off the boredom, since when does every goddamn action flick now have to have at least one "swinging across a chasm" scene? Rhetorical question: since Luke swung his sis back when I was sweet sixteen. Van Helsing assumes that this is such a rip roaring moment, that it's characters swing over chasms and ballrooms every goddamn minute.

I enjoyed Sommer's The Mummy, I dozed through his The Mummy Returns, and if Debbie didn't keep playing chopsticks on my ribs I would have had a well-deserved nap during Van Helsing. Noise and all.

On another note: only 6 more weeks until the Yanks come to town, and I have tix for all three games here at (gag) The Bob. If I miss anything about the East Coast (we return to our old stomping grounds the first week of June for the unveiling of my Mom's stone and to visit old friends and family and good ole Jersey Shore), it's heading off the the Stadium in the Bronx direct from work; pizza in the trunk, Yankee buddies and buddettes in the car, crossing the GW Bridge and looping onto the Major Deegan and exiting into our favorite lots beneath the overpass and eating our parking lot dinner while I wait to bargain with the scalpers who are offering weeknight season ticket quality seats at below ticket price. Chatting with the parking lot attendant who lives across from the stadium and proudly shows us the photos of his Yankee memorabilia resplendent apartment for the upteenth time, heading off over the walking bridge which reminds one of a gerbil tunnel, especially in the summer when the sun is steaming it's insides. Walking past the sax player tooting our the Addams Family or Flintstones or somesuch silly little ditty for dollars and quarters. Finally entering the Stadium and, no matter how many times we'd been there, appreciating the perfectly manicured field and the great, cool expanse, and the monuments if they are still open to the public. Finding our seats for the night: knowing exactly where they will be because we have the Stadium seating chart ingrained in our inner fields of dreams....yet sitting back for the first time, nestling our asses into the comfy seats that used to shave down your tailbone each visit until the great ballpark was renovated in the 70's, and remarking that the view was great.

And unlike the three games in June here in The Valley Of The Sun at the baseball mall they call The Bob, the Yankees take the field in their perfect pinstripes instead of their road greys. Then the bleacher bums start to chant each position player's name until they acknowledge with a waive of the mitt.

And if that ain't worth the few bucks we paid, they play a baseball game too!

Yep, that's what I miss most about our old stomping grounds. Even though I've paid for my season package of MLB Extra Innings on digital cable so that I can catch the Yankee games on teevee here in Phoenix, it ain't the same....ain't no way the same....as heading off to 10-15 games a year plus playoffs.

Oh, and for all you Yankee haters.....please consider: you know that horrid Spider Man 2 event that was to take place in June? The one where Major League Baseball had agreed to plaster an advertisement for the movie on each base for a weekend of games all across the league? Heard about it? Heard how they backed off due to fan uproar? They also backed off for another reason: The Yankees refused to participate. They said they would allow the ridiculous ad on the based for batting practice only. Then, with Major League Baseball realizing that they had undergone the largest, wettest brain fart known to baseball tradition, and with the Yankees standing their ground, the gimmick was rescinded. Whew.

I ramble, but I love the game enough to do so. In six weeks, amidst a bunch of fans who will always remember the 2001 Series where the D-Backs beat the Yanks.....will always make sure to remind me of those October days (missing the point I often make about how it was such a great World Series that there was no way in hell I could have been sad to see the Yanks go down)....amidst those fans I will wear my Cooperstown Antique Thurman Munson Jersey and my best Yankee Cap and root on my team, in their bland grey road uniforms, as they beat the D-Backs for 3 wonderful 100-degree evenings (and a comfy temperature indoors) in The Valley.

I leave now. -TODD

Harlan: Thank you for your kind words. You have no idea what it means to me. For me to say something bad enough to make you come on the board and chastise me is a horrible thing! I felt awful all night. To think I made you think less of me is worst of all. I think my insecurites bring the worst out of me on this board. If only I could be kind like the wonderful Cindy. I will try harder.

I was progressing through Year 3 on my Babylon 5 dvds and tonight was the one where Harlan appears as the voice of Sparky the computer. A humorous and nice touch in an otherwise serious episode. Harlan really has an incredible touch with voices.
Roger

JAY: regarding actors at a wedding....

Almost two decades ago I attended the wedding of actors Wendy and Zane, colleagues and friends of long standing. The wedding was to be held at a friends' house in the South Valley, near the river, with a large field for a back yard surrounded by a low adobe wall. At the time I was dating the head of costuming at the university, and with her help (and the willing participation of several members of the acting community) I managed to get seven fully-costumed Cossacks to leap the wall, run through the reception whooping, hollering, downing drinks and kissing bridesmaids, then make their escape over that same wall. Most of the crowd loved it, though Wendy was a bit miffed... and looking over the crowd, I guess she decided I looked way too calm not to be in on the gag. She stalked up to me (Wendy is a leggy dancer type, almost six feet tall) and said, "What the hell was THAT?!"

"Oh," I said. "Those were the Cossacks."

She smiled at me and lovingly clocked me in the kisser. With the bouquet. She decked me. It was worth it.

Since then the Cossacks have often been revived, and the pirates have also attended a few nuptials.

Here's hoping that your marriage is as silly and fun as your ceremony!

Best,
Michael

Partisanship

Does anyone else agree that partisanship is the leading cause of ineffective democratic government? Name-calling and not debate is the standard communication. The Democratic and Republican parties have become the the nation's sports teams, and real debate about any issue has been lost to our national "winner/loser" mentality. When I see the best and the brightest in the public forums in this country stoop to baiting anyone who doesn't agree with them with sand-lot taunts and ice-cream arguments, I get depressed and worried for the future. Will the day come when 10 second commercials decide an election? Is that day here already?

I like Michael Moore, and he's got me to thinking about a number of things, and for that I applaud him. But anyone who saw "Bowling for Columbine" and doesn't see, also, this website, is doing their own brain a dis-service: http://www.hardylaw.net/Truth_About_Bowling.html. "Bowling.." was a great film and raised some serious issues, but to swallow it whole without a skeptical nod is a bit naive.

Also, further down the page here Brian Siano makes a great argument and then proceeds to equate Republicans' mentality with that of "children." This name-calling oversimplification actually stymies debate. Republicans are not all born-again Christians who vote with Bibles, and many have good ideas and real concerns which must be considered if any progress is to be made in this country. Even, yes even, the Christian Right must be spoken to in open dialog without hard-feelings and infantile knee-jerk reactionary invective.

If we cannot manage civil dialog, and if we must win at all costs, how far are we from becomming like those who take up guns and bombs and knives to win?

-Keith

THE GENTLE ART OF CRITICISM
That's the best way to chide someone. Not to call him or her an idiot, but to say that a certain remark was unworthy of such a smart person. You make your point, yet you don't make the other person feel bad, really.

You are an uncommonly nice man!

Hey Mark,

Just to clarify what I may have said about Moore's writing. I think of all of these books out now (Joe Conason's, Eric Alterman's, David Brock's, David Corn's, Al Franken's and Michael Moore's) are on a sliding scale of journalism, pseudo-journalism and entertainment. They are books of a time, and I value all of them for opening up the debate in this country and for exposing the conservative stranglehold on the media. However, I don't see any of them as great writings or seminal pieces of journalism (ala Upton Sinclair's The Jungle).

Some parts of Michael Moore's book are humorous looks at society, and some parts are wrong-headed. Some are incisive, and some drag on like a children's dance recital. In Dude, Where's My COuntry, for instance, I would not wish Moore's "How to Talk to Your COnservative Brother-in-Law" chapter on anyone.

However, as a film-maker, he did put together a very fine film essay in Bowling For Columbine, and he used his knowledge of media in very witty ways. I thought the movie had nice balances in its imagery and a very good scenic structure.

Nonetheless, no one should ever compare or confuse a good but transitory work of political commentary with works of art that will endure. Of course, Bowling For Columbine deserved to win at Cannes, but it will not live on past its usefulness. Heck, people barely even read Upton Sinclair anymore.

Now Welles, as you know, created films "not for an age, but for all time" to quote Ben Jonson. Citizen Kane is "it" for me, but you already know that.

Your most obedient,

Steve Dooner

A FEW SCATTERED RESPONSES

JEFF R.: Rest easy; I absolutely NEVER "monitor" your posts. I pop in from time to time ... what catches my interest is what I respond to ... I despise playing Big Brother ... but, well, yes, occasionally someone will say something that seems to me beneath them, something unworthy of them, and I butt in. As with Deb, in this case. I don't want to make a big who-struck-john out of a casual slip of the tongue, so consider it just the kind of minuscule chide a friend would make to another friend. Which leads me to ...

DEB: You need not go away for a day or two. We all get a moment of brain-fart in which our mouth races ahead of our good sense. It was by no means a felony, only a remark unworthy of a classy dame like you. Please let us deepsix it, and resume our lives.

NEAL JOHNSON: I have no opinion one-way-or-t'other on Thomas Ligotti's work. I simply have never read him. No special reason why -- I hear he is quite accomplished and worth the time -- but I have so much to read already, and am so far behind, that I have rather arbitrarily adopted the m.o. of not adding any "new" writers to the legions I already read. It is just a matter of available life left to me, not a comment on Ligotti or anyone else.

WHAT PITCHER WOULD I PUT ON THE MOUND FOR THE SINGLE GAME THAT WOULD PROTECT THE FUTURE OF THE WORLD?

No contest.

SATCHEL PAIGE.

Yr. pal, Harlan "not watching you" Ellison

Brian:

I find myself in complete agreement, and a small addition to your thoughts.

Regarding Rumsfeld self-serving apology to Congress, I was outraged that the man didn't have the decency to tender his resignation, in light of his comment that:

"Needless to say, if I felt I could not be effective, I would resign in a minute. I would not resign simply because people are trying to make a political issue out of it."

The simple fact exists, Donald, that you are the Secretary of Defense, responsible for the conduct of servicemen under your command. You are directly responsible for their conduct in the field. If there is a chance that such events as has been chronicled in the abuse allegations comes to bear, the Sec. of Defense has every obligation to investigate and report fully the breadth of such occurrences.

Moreso, the chanin of command requires the Sec. of Defense to report these crimes to the President, in order to facilitate a speedy and effective response from the Commander-in-Chief. I'm reading of how Bush "dressed-down" Rumsfeld for not properly disclosing the MPs' conduct to the President. In fact, there's some consdieration fo the possiblity of the Sec. of Defense spearheading coverup of the events out of political and self interests.

The only thing more horrific in this chain of events is the fact that Shrub didn't fire Rumsfeld immediately. I would think a standing President would be highly disturbed at the member of his Cabinet not coming forward immediately with any information crucial to a war's prosecution, especially when a mistake could set forth events that could polarize an entire religion against one's political or security aims within the region. There seems to be more politics in keeping Rumsfeld than sacking him.

Even more, I would think people in toto should be alarmed at how the Sec. of Defense seems out of touch with the prosecution of this war;

Questions of proper troop strength: First, many generals felt that America was under manned going into the conflict; now there is increasing demands being placed on the military as increasing numbers of troops stationed in Iraq find their tours stretched beyond the one-year rotation. Combine this with the increase of ground troops now going to the country to try to maintain control. Where was Rumsfeld in the job of administration?

The dismissal of the rampant looting waged by Iraqis upon the proclamation of the end of hostilities, without any consideration of what damage was being done to the job of rebuilding Iraq's infrastructure. Rumsfeld showed a remarkable ignorance in not thinking through the chaos that would occur in the power vacuum created.

The last straw for me is Rumsfeld's statement, when queried on whether there will more more investigations of abuse:

"Well, I'm certain there will be. You've got six investigations going on. You can be absolutely certain that these investigations will discover things, as investigations do, and that they'll elevate other individuals for prosecution and criminal matters. And you can be certain that there's going to be more coming out."

Astounding to hear! It is Rumsfeld's job to bring all of this forward, not see it pieced out in dribs and drabs, givng the appearance of damage control. And, how long did he know of the full extent of abuse by servicemen? I think he needs to come forward immediately with all evidence of abuse, all images and transcripts.

I think any question of Rumsfeld's effectiveness is displayed in his actions. If Shrub had any decency, he would fire the Sec. of Defense, and soon.

Joseph: I'm truly glad to hear that things are at least stable for you, and I hope that the single life starts to treat you well.

Well, I'm going to go. Mother Day's tomorrow, and I love the conspiratorial whispers that pass in this house. You all can claim that the holiday is merely a commercially inspired enterprise, designed merely to line business' pockets. I shrug and say "So what? I score big!"

Remember your Mom, people. You owe her, big time.

Love to all, Melissa

ROB,

VAN HELSING? I really, honest-to-God don't know. Adam-Troy's feelings on the film are pretty much my own. I don't like Stephen Sommers as a director. I mean, I REALLY don't like him as a director. In fact, if VAN HELSING is roughly on the same level as THE MUMMY RETURNS, I won't like him, PERIOD. I think I'll go, but only with my brother. We both have an MST3K streak within us, and we'll probably love deconstructing the HELL out of a movie like this as soon as we leave the theater. Anyway, it's certainly a creature flick, and I've always been a sucker for creature flicks. Ironically, out of the entire cast, Van Helsing is the one character I'll probably be LEAST interested in. (The "forgetful hero with a mysterious past" plot thread is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO over. In fact, it'd be great if Helsing knew EVERYTHING about his past at the film's beginning, KNEW he was a bastard, and not only accepted it, but EMBRACED it.)

Nevertheless, I believe there's a balance that needs to be struck in today's American cinema. There has to be passion and intelligence behind a project, but there also has to be room for detachment and rationale - to make a film truly work as a "film" as opposed to a simple wish fulfillment fantasy. (i.e. HELLBOY)

We've all been following the stories about the use of torture in Iraqi prisons by U.S. soldiers. There's those horrific photographs, Rumsfeld quibbling over the distinction of "abuse" and "torture," the evidence that most of the prisoners were there for _no good reason_, and the evidence that their treatment was not just an example of bad soldiers going apeshit once they got some power over "ragheads," but done on the express orders of military intelligence.

I can easily imagine someone adopting an ironic pose, and saying that there's no real surprise in this. But that's part of the crime here, people. We _know_ that these things happen. We know that cops and prison guards get drunk with power, and put their prisoners to use for their entertainment. We know that soldiers under stress, in a realm without rules and laws and authority, will commit crimes that rank alongside of Josef Mengele's. We don't even need to put this in the context of war: have a look at http://www.prisonexp.org/ for information on the notorious Stanford Prison Study.

And there was NO effort to prevent these things. No understanding that civil society is there to _prevent_ people from reverting to these nase, evil natures. No realization that, by allowing torture to occur in American-run cells, our country was simply re-establishing the worst aspects of Saddamism. For Crisesakes, these people weren't even trained in the Geneva Protocols. They just hired a bunch of uneducated jarheads and put them in charge of a prison. And look what's been happening.

Those of us who supported the war to remove Saddam from power-- no, I'm not going to try to waffle out of what I said-- ought to be angrier about this than most. This removes _any_ moral authority we might have asserted. Not only that, it gives encouragement to those who do _not_ demand better from the United States.

This does give credence to a theory I've developed. It's that the Republicans are, basically, _children_. They are completely and utterly ignorant of how to run a modern nation. They have no understanding of economics beyond some oversimplistic religious beliefs about free markets and rewarding their cronies. And they obviously have no notion of statecraft or diplomacy-- and they certainly cannot engage in the practice of nation-_building_, something which Truman and Eisenhower and even a nutcase like Douglas MacArthur managed to do reasonably well.

They are a lot like those fuckhead kids who migrated to the Haight in the Sixties-- heads full of dopey wish-fulfillment ideas about living well, while their neighborhood saw the resurgence of diseases that hadn't been seen in a century. Only the hippies didn't run a country. They ran communes that didn't last more than a year or so. Their damage was minimal. The Republicans have ruined at least two _nations_.

The Democrats have to press this fact. They have to show that they are the wise, decisive, and historically-well-informed _adults_. Kerry ain't doing it too well.

Disney/ Miramax; VAN HELSING
One of the reasons Miramax exists is that Disney needed a way to distribute films that didn't merit the family-friendly Disney label. A Disney film is supposed to be an innocuous film (which can sometimes still be a good film); it cannot be, let's say, PULP FICTION, which is hard to credit as a Disney release.

At that, Disney itself has recovered tremendously from the kind of stuff it was releasing in the late sixties, early seventies, when I was a kid. Stuff with titles like THE COMPUTER WORE TENNIS SHOES, THE WACKY CASHIER, and so on, often starring Dean Jones. Really empty, awful, formulaic stuff became so typical of their releases that the word "Disney" meant, really meant, stuff that you didn't want to see, even if you were a kid and part of its intended audience. (If you're the right age, you remember this. Disney. Eccch. The studio's renewed achievements in high-end animation have of course changed this over the past decades.)

The label Miramax was part of the solution. Miramax is Disney's higher-end label. It has distributed many films of controversial nature, so it would be well within character for it to distribute a film you wouldn't find on sale in any theme-park gift shop.

The current backlash at Moore, not just here at elsewhere, claiming that he orchestrated this whole thing as a publicity stunt, is really ridiculous. Why would he not go to Miramax, a distributor of many quality films? Why would he not continue to make the film he wanted to make, hoping its quality and his reputation would force its release even if the parent company was making noises about repressing it? Why would he WANT to be living in fear that this work he obviously cares about will not be seen? Accusing him of orchestrating this, and quibbling about how "shocked" he may be when it was probably a worry all along, is just plain silly.

Again, I'm sure the film will be seen before the election, but may well be distributed by a smaller company which will get it into fewer theatres. This would qualify as repression of disset in my book.

On another movie-related front -- the stench coming off VAN HELSING, with its rumored attention-deficit disorder and its already visible desecration of not only the title character but a number of other iconic figures, is extreme, but today the wife and I find ourselves in the unenviable position of being dragged there to accomodate the wife of a friend, whose chief interest in it is the Hugh Jackman eye candy. This is not a film I would have supported with my attendance were the choice up to me, or to Judi, or for that matter to the hubby of the lady in question. Alas, sometimes social obligations trump critical ones, and this week she's making the choice. So, alas. Expect a report later.

I feel sorry for Pam. hehe.

Marriage is good for ya Jay; Every prison needs an inmate. Cough. Congrats.

-------------

I now have to say I'm sorry to Micheal Moore. That's what I get for believing bogus info.

And no dissing. He is doing what the rest of us wish we could do.

------------

Joseph, ya sweet, adorable used car salesman, welcome back!

You will have a harder time painting me in a corner; Chomsky prophecy is coming true.

Regards, man. Missed ya.

sloppy kiss.

HARLAN: If you could have one pitcher to pitch one game that would determine the fate of the free world, who would you put on the mound?
Myself, I'd go with Sandy Kofax.

From Adam-Troy Castro:
“Oh, for Gawd's Sake
Yes, Moore knew Disney would never distribute his film.

He thought Miramax would.”
Ah, you know you’re on solid ground when you find yourself thinking along the same lines with ATC.

Beyond the obvious and superficial links, I don’t buy the Welles/Moore comparison. It strikes that putting Moore on equal footing with Welles would be like putting Curt Cobain on equal footing with John Lennon. That the two are corpulent filmmakers who have a flair for self-promotion (what self-respecting artist doesn’t, by the way) and thrive upon skewering scared cows – fine. On that level we can successfully compare both men to Abbie Hoffman. Welles’ talent and innovation far exceeds Moore’s; Welles constantly demonstrated new ways to tell a story with film, on television, on radio and in the theater, whereas Moore gives us the same essential narrative over and over in his films, television shows and books. In addition, I think that Welles is more profoundly funny and darkly satirical than Moore has the capacity to be. (A related issue about Moore that Steve and I debate is the quality of Moore’s writing: Steve enjoys his style and can read Moore with pleasure, while I think his style toggles between being cloying and heavy-handed.) I do enjoy Moore’s work and think the country is all the better for him –and we need all the political antibiotics we can get in order to rid ourselves of this Bush-Cheney virus. But the comparison to Welles doesn’t stand up. Now, match Moore up with Thomas Paine and I think we may have something…

STEVE, oh by brother: you gotta check out the Olympia De Luxe I just received. It is pristine and types like a dream.

Mark W.

Hey guys,

Thanks. This is Pam's second marriage and my first though I came close, it was hit by crosswinds and driven into the wetlands just shy of the runway. Between us we have four kids already. Colin (who I announced about 18 months ago), her two from her first marriage and my oldest son.

We don't have so much a family tree any more, but a multitentacled bush-like creature. (bush...as in shrub...not the assclown in the WH)

What you say is true about the children. However, I will say that once you see life emerge from a woman's body and catch it like a sack of spuds with a rip cord, there's nothing a woman can do that would disturb you. Having witnessed two women through that, I can handle a few breaks in the wind.

It is the first time in my life I've found someone with whom I can share my toys and they won't come back broken. I show her an etch-a-sketch and she tells me I'm the greatest artist in the world, but I may need to work on my curves. She tells me its okay not to cook because she likes her clothes and belongings and home unburned. I can make her giggle just by kissing the tip of her nose and I know where to kiss her to make her squeal. She knows she can get whatever she wants if she spends thirty seconds gliding her nails over my back and arguing over who gets up for Colin has become a personal code of touches to each other's thigh. That one I can't really explain, but it's a married couple thing, I guess.

So I guess I've been married for a while - we're just making it legal.

In late October, we'll have our "official" wedding at the old Peace Church with an Emperor Norton type delivering the vows. The Peace church is one of those beautiful old stone buildings with a raised tulip pulpit and about a dozen ghosts who love to attend (and pass judgement on) weddings. Our reception is a lunchtime masquerade and two of the waiters are actually actor friends. Sometime between the meal and the cake, they will break into a swordfight on the dance floor to scare the hell out of my older family members. We're also reserving a room for our friends who delight in gaming. Since they don't see each other that often any more, they like to use that time to blow up each other's fighting robots or delighting in the misery of a Call of Cthulhu game. We're calling that part of the reception "WeddingCon 2004)

We don't have a lot of money here in Babyville, but we've decided to celebrate what joys we have.

Thanks for the well-wishes.

Love Of Discord

Barney: "Doze, deze, demz, dayz..."

Apparently, my very bad Monogram Pictures lower East End accent threw Barney's speech centers hopelessly out of whack.

(What relevance "Amos N Andy" has - well, let's just say it eludes me; we'll just leave that one alone)

Washu,

"Why does Michale Moore remind me of Orson Welles? Must be the girth. Or the flair for showmanship."

Yes. That's really interesting; some very interesting parallels there. Moore could be compared to a number of historical icons. Chaplin is another one. I think it's their roles as creative survivors and magnets for political forces and as polarizing figures in which they share the niche. They're of a breed who will just walk in the room; wreak havoc with a swaggerin' swing o' their hips; and just exit out the back leaving the factions to, with billy clubs in hand...just work things out between 'em.

Welles' galumphing about at the fringe invited kneejerk maligning until he could no longer even work here. His collision with Hearst is the most obvious example, when our friendly neighborhood newspaper magnate, in setting out to protect his reputation, tried to shut down KANE. ALL the Hollywood execs - led by this asshole, Louis B. Mayer - jumped on the bandwagon to rally around Hearst. A powerful columnist of the day named Hedda Hopper detested the movie calling it an irresponsible attack on a "great man". Hearst wanted to buy KANE so he could burn the negative. Meanwhile, his defenders moved to intimidate exhibitors into refusing to show the movie (where have we heard THAT one?). Threats of blackmail, smears in the newspapers, and FBI investigations were used in the effort.

Another tightrope walk for Welles (I saw a documentary about this one only about 9 months ago) was his support of black theater in Harlem in a time it was unheard of for black actors to play in the classics - works thought of as "white plays". Welles was not universally celebrated for his efforts, even by supposed allies on the left. The Negro Communist Party in New York condemned a production of Macbeth - deeming it "yet another" minstrel show, a white man's plan to make black actors look foolish (that's so sad). Early in the rehearsals, Welles was physically attacked by an angry group assumed to be from the Party. Regardless of (or perhaps thanks to) criticism from extremists from both wings a huge crowd showed to see Macbeth. A perfect example of building celebrity from factional chaos (in other words...publicity).

Also, Welles was often involved with fund raisers some of which, of course, led him to be branded a Communist. How could anything be more inevitable? One of these fund raisers he had done was with Joe Louis in the '40s.

So - yeah. Moore and Welles are quite comparable in that just their roles alone as survivors-cum-inadvertant instigators turned them into icons. They both built their celebrity from the attacks brought on them.

Say, Ben - I mean WASHU...do you have VAN HELSING on your 'To See' list?

Farewell, Jay Smith – Hello, Daddy

In case you decide to follow Dorman’s “Wrap That Wrascal” child control strategy, I’d like to go ahead and give you a start on your future children’s reading list. I have five beautiful children, several of which were conceived while following various forms of birth control. Take this from a motivated guy that knows how to read the instructions on the box:

Where there is fertility, nature finds a way.

Good children’s books:

Harold and the Purple Crayon (Johnson)
Cleo the Cat (Mockford)
Tom Finger (McClure)
Olivia (Falconer)
Madeline (Bemelmans)
Goodnight, Gorilla (Rathman)
The Gruffalo (Donaldson)
Hailstones and Halibut Bones (O’Neill)
Rumpelstiltskin (Zelinsky illustrations)
Tar Beach (Ringgold)
Mike Mulligan and his Steam Shovel (Virgina Lee)

I hope your union is blessed and durable. Good luck!

A break from watching Looney Tunes classics and "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" with kidlings. Cut me some slack, guys; the young ones have to be able to detect witches and suggest methods by which sparrows can transport coconuts across great distances if they're ever to get anywhere in life. It somehow awes them that us two old fogies dig cartoons, until they are reminded of how we watch "The Simpsons".

Joseph: A kiss and best wishes from Mel. She's glad to hear things are well and more cheered that so many showed up with a bit of support. To paraphrase from M*A*S*H: For a bunch of people with slow leaks in their heads, folks hereabouts sometimes think pretty good.

Else, we're gone for the weekend. And, play nice guys. My eldest occasionally shows up here now. She doesn't post, just reads.

Scott

today's new york times op-ed has piece on the Moore film/Disney
so there you go...

harlan, what do you think of thomas ligotti? just curious.

respectfully,

neal

I'm back, folks. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who sent me some very kind e-mails, especially Mel Reeston (Melissa, your words were wonderfully nice and thoughtful). Some of you have wondered how I'm doing with the divorce, but I'm fairly OK, thanks. Just adjusting to single life again after 10 years.

Oh, and Frank? I'm back for more, my fine-feathered Chomskyite. Good to see you again.

Regards,
Joseph

P.S. Really, thank you all.

I'm sorry. Will stay off awhile.
Deb*

Would I do it for a penny?
Far more interesting to me than Moore's latest blathering is the new documentary "Supersize Me." This has been talked about before, but I recently posed a question to myself and came up with an enlightening response:

Would I deliberately gain 30 pounds and endanger my health the way this man did just to make a documentary film?

Think of it: An opportunity to make a fascinating documentary, the money I would possibly earn, the doorways into "The Industry" that would open up.... would I do it?

No. Not ever. Even if I was offered a million dollars to abuse my body that way, I would have to turn it down. Why?

My body's the only tangible thing I truly own, and it's the one thing I truly take for granted and expect to work as flawlessly and as effortlessly and gracefully as my health and athletic training allows. I imagined myself signing a contract to make the film and nearly brought myself to tears (waaah!) at the thought of all the crap my body would have to take. Of course, at the end of the month I would go to a doctor, eat right and undo all the damage I'd done. But how much would my body truly forgive me? It wouldn't be worth it.

Of course, I abuse my body in a different way. I spent the better part of a decade competing fiercely in club-level Ultimate Frisbee (which in some circles is a few steps down from semi-pro dwarf tossing), and there is film of me somewhere going horizontal and slapping down passes at full speed, landing squarely on my chest, back, shoulders, etc. I even had knee surgery to repair a torn ACL after landing awkwardly after a particularly spectacular jump to catch a pass. I rehabbed like a mother and went back out six months later. Is there a difference? I ask myself. I suppose there is. The body is meant to be used in a way that gives pleasure to yourself and gives service to others. But then again, I do get pleasure out of the occasional bag of McDonald's fries. Oh, it's so complicated!

You are what you drive, guys, and the vehicle that carries you through your life is the vulnerable, sometimes surprisingly resilient vessel that stares back at you in the mirror each morning. Use it the way you see fit. But remember: replacement parts are hard to come by.

Harlan: Good for you! How often do you usually monitor our posts, anyway?

DEB:

Uncalled for. Watch your mouth.

Harlan

Rob: Cassel's name is TODD. The moron is YOU. You self-righteous
fuck.

Ah, a cup of darjeeling and a minute to think.

I think (hope!) we've ended all the business dealing with our youngest daughter. Details at the other page.

I say proudly that I've have never viewed, nor been in any way interested in the nonsense about the ending of "Friends". I count this as continuing proof that I have some semblance of a life, at least one of interest to me. I do however, wonder what the attraction "MXC" holds for my kids.

Deb & Dorie: I've only read the jacket blurb and a review or two at Amazon, where we purchased "The Lovely Bones". It's three down from the top, so I should get to read it in, say, fifteen or twenty years. That long? Try having three children, not to mention caring for the big child who fathered them, then see what becomes of your leisure schedule.

Pam and Jay: Read the last paragraph and think about what you're doing. If you're still sure, then all of my best to both of you. A long and happy life for your wedded bliss, and all the joy you can give and receive from each other, and give and receive from Colin and Holden.

Dammit, the phone's ringing. Never fails.

Love to All, Melissa

On Michael Moore

Thanks Mark, Rob, Adam, I appreciate your words of sanity.

Moore was assured by Miramax and Harvey Weinstein that the right-wing slime balls at Disney would not prevail in their attempts to stop the movie. In such a situation, any film- maker would cross his or her fingers and dive into their work. Distant rumblings cannot be a reason to stop your work. Otherwise, any fugitive fear would kill the creative process. Here's hoping that Weinstein can now get the movie distributed before the election. We need every weapon we can muster to defeat Bush Inc.

Antonia Zerbisias writing for a Toronto newspaper said it best this week: "Whoever said that information is power got it wrong. Having power over information is where it's at. And, in today's merged and converged media world, fewer and fewer people have that power."

Persian editions
I wouldn't have squandered my daily post rights had I known this was going to come in today. Feel free to delete my post to Rob or whatever. At any rate, a friend of mine, Paul, had this suggestion, which I thought Harlan ought to see since it's a local call for him -

> "You might want to call some Persian bookstores in Westwood/West LA. It's the center of the Iranian exodus (there are two satellite channels which broacast from LA to Iran illegally). I don't know which are the good ones, but I know I've seen a few of them, and I imagine they have ways of getting stuff out of Iran."

So there you go. This may be a LITTLE easier than I first imagined.

- Barney

Earl, Neal and Keith:

Thanks. I'll dig the Best of L. Sprague de Camp out of storage this weekend, as it appears that volume isn't in my apartment -- or more accurately, when I located it, it turned out to be the John Campbell volume.

Has anyone ever done an sf/fantasy anthology about bears? Between this and the other stories mentioned and "Bears Discover Fire"...

Cheers, Jon

Why does Michale Moore remind me of Orson Welles? Must be the girth. Or the flair for showmanship.

Moore & the Mouse
In the full transcript of Moore's interview with CNN, he states that a year ago he knew Disney did not want to distribute the film but the people at Miramax told him not to worry about and the money from Disney continued to flow into the film. The final word came down this Monday. So, he knew about the threat from Disney a year ago, but at that time it was just that: a threat, one of many, no doubt, incurred in the process of making any film. How many times have we read Harlan's accounts of what film companies say, promise, agree on, consent to, and pledge only to see them turn around and do the exact opposite of what the originally stated?

Mark W.

Oh, for Gawd's Sake
Yes, Moore knew Disney would never distribute his film.

He thought Miramax would.

Disney, which owns Miramax, is blocking Miramax.

The film is being blocked because a parent corporation believes its political content to be embarrassing to the Governor of a State that has provided it lucrative tax incentives. This is the basic fact; it is also a sad commentary on what's happening to freedom of expression in this country. (Another very recent example: the brouhaha over Koppel's naming of the dead. Merely reading the names of those killed in Iraq was considered, by another corporation, to be politically beyond the pale.)

The line of what's being considered acceptable to say is being moved farther and farther toward the right, with ANY criticism of the status quo being swallowed whole.

The film WILL be released. Probably by a distributor much smaller than Miramax. Probably to fewer theatres. Do you think Miramax and Moore intended this result?

Michael Moore is really helping his cause, aint he? You already look like a boob to a lot of America, now you do this stunt. Come on man, just put out the film and quit playing games. Let the film talk; not some weak publicity stunt. This shit taints the left. I already have enough shit on my wings.

-------------

Rumsfeld is going to appologize to Congress for the prisoner abuse. You could not have scripted this shit any better. Everyone from Gore Vidal to Chomsky predicted this shit. They were laughed at, now the chickens have come home to roost. I can smell the heady wine of impeachment in the vineyard.

Salute.

---------------

Cindy, cops are the bad guys--say it with me. lol.

Jon Stover,

Keith Cramer & Neal Johnson have pointed you in the right direction.

L. Sprague de Camp is indeed the author of the Johnny Black series, about an intelligent bear. The story you described sounds like "The Command," which is included in The Best of L. Sprague de Camp.

Carter Beats the Devil
I had a strange experience with the book that Adam-Troy recommends.

My wife, knowing of my studies in the performance of magic, bought it for me as a Christmas gift. I read it over the Christmas season, and the chill of the opening scenes stayed with me for the entire book, and I didn't enjoy it at all.

I recently re-read it, but skipped the opening that so thoroughly disturbed me. As a consequence, I not only enjoyed the book so much more, but appreciated some of its subtleties for the first time.

Of course, before I can re-read it a second time, I feel I have to go back and read the opening again. I'm telling myself that I owe it to the author, but I think I really owe it to me.

Doug

Wow. Being called a moron by Moore by proxy. Perfect way to end a perfect week.

Tar a little wider wit dat brush, Rob? Sho'nuff do, youz Amos 'n' Andy could use a heap a hep. Minez to. Doze, deze, demz, dayz...

- Barney

Briarpatch, PA.

Jay and Pammie,

I think that's grand. For my two cents; don't sweat the preparations. Nobody who's worth his (or more likely her) salt will remember if you didn't have every detail and frill nailed. Just as a trainload of flowers can't make a silk purse out of the sow's ear that is a superficial relationship; an empty church or backyard, devoid of trappings can't diminish the splendor of two people truly tied at the heart.

It's going to be beautiful. Just like y'all.

Pam got a great guy.

yer pal,
Cindy

P.S. I really enjoyed Dorman's helpful hints. He's a pretty sharp fella.



Frank,

I left the guy's house and met the bad cop at the stop sign at the end of the desolate street. His window was rolled down and so was mine. He glared at me like he wanted to kill me-- I smiled and waved. I don't know why he was driving by David's house at one in the afternoon. Maybe to plant some dope, or maybe just to harrass and intimidate. I wouldn't put anything past this nutjob.

But everything is going to be fine. David isn't staying there now and the feds are coming.

:)
Cindy

>lent credence to a growing suspicion that Moore was manufacturing a controversy to help publicize the film<

And that's...bad? I wasn't aware we held filmmakers to such high ethical standards when it came to marketing. I wasn't aware that there were ANY ethical standards when it came to marketing.

As good old Marlon once said, "it's just a movie." Anyone remember Gibson's "Passion?" Didn't think so...soon to be just another plastic rental, sitting on the racks...

This just in:

http://news.independent.co.uk/world/americas/story.jsp?story=518901

"Less than 24 hours after accusing the Walt Disney Company of pulling the plug on his latest documentary in a blatant attempt at political censorship, the rabble-rousing film-maker Michael Moore has admitted he knew a year ago that Disney had no intention of distributing it.

"The admission, during an interview with CNN ... lent credence to a growing suspicion that Moore was manufacturing a controversy to help publicize the film..."

-- Jon

Cassel,

"the Michael Moore-banning issue...smells intensely of publicity-stunt."

Der are DWO kinds o’ people in da woild: doze who ban…n’ doze who git banned.

Moore is used to threats. Moore is used to fighting bans. Even Borders once censored him. To imply that The Walt Disney group spun some publicity story about banning its Miramax Films subsidiary from distributing Farenheit 911 or that even Moore put it out there, or whatever the hell you’re trying to say, is - c’mon, let’s you and I sing it together - MORONIC.

Moore himself e-mailed me to tell you that. I told HIM he didn’t even HAVE to e-mail me.

Dave:

Your post brings the words "Potty training at gunpoint" to mind. I picture this guy's dad standing over him in his little potty chair, screaming, "SHIT, YOU BASTARD, SHIT!!" at the terrified little tot.


Chuck

RE: calendar & Dick Lupoff
Harlan,

Just wanted to let you know I should be wrapping up the first "set" of months by the end of next week. So not to worry. Should I still expect some materials from your end?

Also, Mark O. received a message from Dick Lupoff which he requested passed on to you:

Mark --

Good timing. I had a meeting with our publisher earlier this week and got a progress report on THE BEST OF XERO. It's at the printer right now. Apparently there was a slight glitch over selection of binding cloth but I believe that has been resolved. The book is on line for an official publication date of July 1, with first copies expected in hand early June.

FWIW, I've seen page proofs and it looks as if this is going to be a spectacular book. I had originally expected a pretty straightforward collection of essays and suchlike. Instead, the publisher put a talented designer onto the project. She scanned many of the cartoons and other graphics from XERO, as well as several of the more memorable covers, and has worked out an ambitious layout to show these off along with the text.

Speaking of Harlan Ellison, the last I knew he did not have an email address. If you're in touch with him, please pass along the information above, along with friendly regards from Pat and myself.

Dick Lupoff

DTS:

There's a guy I work with who told me that he doesn't even want to know that his wife goes to the bathroom. Maybe he would have trouble performing in the sack if he actually found out she did.
My wife poops? YUCK!

He's even squeamish about his own functions. I've never heard him use the toilet at work (he does take a lot of breaks to run home, however). One just doesn't do that kind of thing where others can smell it or even have an inkling that you're doing it, you know.

Jon Stover and the courts of chaos
cannot remember the title of the bear story but i know for a fact it's in "the Best of L. Sporague de Camp". i rememeber reading that one on the sub back in the early eighties. nuclear subs in the US Navy have the BEST libraries. that was where i read zelazny's "amber" books. wow

at your service,

neal,

the classic scifi guy

p.s. now everyone go read "the big front yard" by cliff simak. go on...GO!

A few moments.

Jon: You might try Murray Leinster's "Colonial Survey" (alt. title "Planet Explorer"), a fixup including "Exploration Team", his Hugo winner for novelette in 1956. I do recall the explorer had two ursines and an eagle as companions, the bears named "Sourdough Charlie" and "Sitka Pete". You might find the tales as separate pieces in "The Essential Murray Leinster", (NESFA Press).

Jay: Christos on a Triscuit, smothered with hot salsa and drizzled with shredded mozzarella! My rule on giving advice on matters of marriage and childrearing: I DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, GIVE ADVICE ON MARRIAGE AND RAISING CHILDREN. That being said, I consider both as being work that I have great fun at doing. Not easy, mind, but truly rewarding when the job is done right.

All luck goes with you on that day.

Scott

Fatherly Advice
JAY SMITH (got a few minutes before I head out the door again, so you get the benefit of my time): Since I'll never have a son, I figure I'll just bestow this sage advice upon you (my son). (Jeez, I'm feeling Catholic alla sudden --weird for an atheist).
FIRST: Unless you're an unrepentant neat freak like Harlan, expect the bathroom countertop to go all to hell -- lotions, creams, puddings, paints, nail files, tissues, an ocassional bra or pair of pantyhose. You can try to fight it -- I did -- but if you want to stay ahead of the game, just fuhgetaboutit, don't complain, and use a small nuclear device to clean the place up about...once a week or so.
SECOND: Say goodbye to scratching your nuts or cutting farts whenever you feel like it. Trust me on this: for the first few years, unless you have a very understanding girlfriend, you'll have to pretend like you never have gas and your balls never need a good scratch. After about five years (if she doesn't say goodbye after four, you're locked in for at least another six, after which you and the marriage will come under review -- usually a silent review, but it'll happen)...where was I? Oh, yeah, in about 5 years, the sky's the limit: walk around in your boxers (or briefs) anytime you want, even when her friends and family visit; cut the cheese when the spirit moves you; and scratch away, buddy.
THIRD: Never call HER on any farts. Women -- no matter how long they've known you -- do NOT like to be reminded that they suffer from the same gastrointestinal slings and arrows that we men do.
FOURTH: Unless you are ready to spend time with them -- hiring a babysitter every other weekend or dropping them off at grandma's doesn't count -- make sure you "wrap that rascal" when, um, retiring to the budoir (or the backseat of a buick). TOO MANY parents in the world have kids and then abdicate all responsibility, whining about how they never have time to do the things they used to do together and that the kids take up so much of their time. Remember: you have the kids, the kids don't have you. So if you're not ready to give up block loads of time -- willingly -- make sure BOTH of you are doing something about keeping any future Jays in a holding pattern.
FINALLY: Have fun. Enjoy yourself. 'Cause if everything works out the way you want it to, you're about to jump on the wildest, weirdest, most life-changing rollercoaster ride of all. And if she's the right woman for you, it'll be a blast.

Now, go tell your mother to start dinner (burp).
-- DTS (aka, Dad).

PAB: So sorry to hear about your cat. What a horrible way for him/her to leave this world. I know how wonderful sharing your life with a pet can be. My heart goes out to you.
Deb*

Holy Crap I'm Getting Married! Like Next Week.
Pam and I are moving up the date of our wedding to next week.

It's beginning to sink in and is a bit of a shocker. We're still having our costume ball/reception Halloween, but we need to make it legal now so I can be seen by a doctor without having to sell our car.

Much preparation to be made. So much for asking Unka Harlan to administer the vows.

I need a beer.

I heard this morning that the bookies in Vegas have several lines on how "Friends" will end. I, too have a line on the ending and it goes something like this: just before the friends say their final, final, final goodbyes, a crack in the street outside the coffeehouse will open and from the fissure flies Ipes who will pierce the gaseous skull of each Friends character with his needle-sharp talon-fingers and drag them down tothe seventh ring of Hell where they will be put to work disproving e.e. cummings idea that there is so much shit we cannot eat. Figure the odds on this ending are about 53,471,608 to 1. Now if I can only get my improbability drive to work...

Why the rant? Simple. I look forward each week to one hour of worthwhile network television in the guise of "Law & Order" (a show that lists Noam Chomsky among its regular viewers [didja know that, Frank? It's true.]) only to find the show preempted last night by a two-hour Dateline commercial about the end of "Friends." But it's good to know that Dateline maintains in journalistic intergrity by devoting two hours of air-time to a hard hitting story such as the one mentioned above while passing on fluff pieces like, oh, I don't know, the prisoner abuse scandal in Iraq.

BRIAN: I envy your NYC booksigning experience. I would have done just as you, said my hellos to Harlan and then hung back to take the rest in. Dooner was pushing for a Monday road trip but I had a Monday afternoon job interview.

DEB: A heart-felt sorry to hear about your cat, that's a terrible experience.

FAISAL: Here's hoping Harlan's translated works make it through the Iranian screening process! What jewels for your (and Harlan's) library!

Later,
Mark W.

Sorry to double-post... as it appears on my screen now, the Arabic didn't come out. I will try to get it to work on e-mail again. Sorry, Rick, I'll begone for a while.

PAB

Haven't been around lately because my cat Achmed was attacked by a dog and died in the ICU recently. It's been very hard on me, as he was my dearest friend. I say this only because otherwise, the exchange with Faisal won't make any sense to anyone.

Faisal: Here are the Arabic translations. I hope you can read these. If not, I will try to e-mail them to you. Is either of these the correct spelling of "Achmed"?

ÃÊÔãíÏ

or

ÃÍãÏ

? If not, can you show me what is? Much, much obliged.

*Deb: I really enjoyed _The Lovely Bones_. I think I might have had PMS or something when I read it, but it made me cry and I found it very moving and intense. It's definitely a "chick" book, but hey, I am a chick, and so are you, so I bet you'll like it too. I know if I read it right now I'd bawl my eyes out...

Let me know what you think after you read it. I haven't spent much time in the Forum, but if you want to discuss it there, let me know and I'll check.

PAB

Jon Stover
Jon,

I think that intelligent bear rings a bell in my head, but the bell is L. Sprague De Camp.

Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong. Could also be Fritz Leiber. I think I read the short-story collections of those two men around the same time, which may be why I'm getting crossed info.... With my luck, though, it probably wasn't either of them....

-Keith

Harlan,

Have already forwarded book order to friend. Will send you any results. Iranian Custom do check all out going packages (I once asked for a copy of the Iranian TV mini-series adaptation of Borges "Death & the Compass" for Alex Cox which disappeared from the sorting office).

FAQ

The Henry Kuttner defence just caused a neuron to fire (hurrah!) though I think it's the wrong neuron. Who the heck wrote several stories that featured a bear that had been altered so that it was intelligent and benevolent? There's one story in which the bear saves his human friends from a hypnosis gas or something like that by laboriously splicing commands together from snatches of words recorded from phonograph records because the people still respond to verbal commands and the bear either can't talk or doesn't talk 'normally' enough to get them to respond. This ring a bell with anyone? They'd be 40s or maybe early 50s.

Cheers, Jon

Save by the Voice of HE
Harlan,

Just wanted to say a heartfelt "Thanks" for accompanying me on my recent roadtrip back east. At least, it felt that way because my lovely wife sent me out the door with the 5-disc set of "I Have No Mouth, And I Must Scream" and other stories as read by you. It's perpetually checked out from our local library, so the fact that she cadged it for me was a sign that this road trip would be like no other.

We've actually never met, and I've never so much as even heard your voice, so it was quite a treat to have you along for the ride. I confess my days of driving 16 hours without so much as a twinge of fatigue are done gone. I was mighty nervous about doing this drive by myself because I usually need some riding shotgun to jabber at me, challenge me, keep me awake.

You did that, and a whole helluva lot more. You made my drive more than tolerable; you made it pleasurable. And since this is the guy who on his last solo all-night drive almost careened into a ditch after nodding off at 70 mph, you probably saved my life. And how many other writers can say that of their audiobook efforts?

How can I ever thank you?

Still weeping/laughing over the plight of Aunt Babe, I remain your humble servant,
Steve

The "Wildly Overpromoted Brent Spiner"
Eric,

Among the phenomena I find personally aggravating is the reaction to actors of genuine talent whose best known roles barely exercised that talent.

Some are fortunate enough to prove their range elsewhere. That would include John Ritter, Henry Winkler, James Cromwell, Martin Landau, and David Soul.

It would also include Brent Spiner.

Data required very little from him. He fulfilled the role, but it was not all he was.

Hearing him perform John Adams, on the soundtrack of the Broadway revival of 1776, was like watching somebody burst from a cage that has trapped him for years.

ATC.

Posterity, or Misremembrance of Things Past
The wonderful writer Henry Kuttner, once a vital presence in the sf & fantasy field, now rapidly receding into the distant background, is mentioned by Donald Westlake in a review of Thomas Berger's novel Adventures of the Artificial Woman:

"What this new novel is most like is an extended science fiction story from the 1950's, and if that sounds off-putting I apologize, because I certainly don't want to put you off. Besides, there are pleasures in that kind of domestic science fiction not to be found elsewhere. Yes, domestic. Before World War II, the mad scientist had large megalomanic schemes, but the postwar mad scientist moved into the garage. It was a time when Henry Kuttner could write a story about one such fellow who invented something while drunk and then couldn’t remember what it was for." (New York Times Book Review, 5/9/04, p. 14.)

Now I have no doubt that Westlake, given his background, has read and liked Kuttner's work. And I can't think of a better way to help revive interest in a writer of the past than an approving mention of the writer by a major author in a well-known review journal. But I'm not sure that this particular mention is going to do much good, because it falls short in a couple of ways.

One of the shortcomings is relatively minor. Westlake is obviously referring to Kuttner's character Gallegher. The Gallegher stories were not of the 1950s (although they were collected in a book in that decade, Robots Have No Tails). All but one of these stories were published during World War II, none in the 1950s. A small point, but in getting it wrong Westlake slightly distorts Kuttner's all too brief career; in the 1950s he was doing other, equally interesting kinds of work.

But other shortcomings are more significant. For example, couldn’t Westlake have mentioned the name of a book containing a Gallegher story, to help interested readers find the work he's talking about? And to describe Kuttner’s stories as "domestic" – my god, they were about as domestic as the Mad Hatter's tea party. I wouldn't go out of my way to track down a writer of domestic stories. And to categorize Gallegher as a mad scientist – well, maybe Gallegher can be placed in that broad tradition, but without context "mad scientist" disguises him as thoroughly as a Halloween mask.

I think for a writer to be remembered, those who remember have to remember well. To be remembered poorly is not much different from being forgotten. Am I wrong?

Re the Star Trek DVD set. It'd be nice to have them, if only for childhood memories and the possibility of cool DVD behind-the-scenes extras. After all, two of the main people behind the show are dead, one cast member's passed away (and by all accounts, one of the nicest, whose memories would've been fine to preserve) and it'd be good to get the testimonies of those we still have. And one of the DVD websites I've read mentions that one of the extras will be about the "SF giants" who worked on the show, including Our Host.

It'd be nice if they could get the show's writers going on a free-for-all, especially if they get a cut of the DVD sales. After all, they wrote the shows, and they aren't getting royalties from the billion-dollar franchise. Might be worth doing as an independent project, actually: interview survivors like John Black, D.C. Fontana, David Gerrold, Norman Spinrad, let'em rip.

Oh, and here's a moment of sublime beauty to dwell upon. It's the music played at the end of _Master and Commander_, where Aubrey and Maturin pluck at their violin and cello like guitars. It's by Boccherini, it's on the soundtrack album, and the wonderful part starts about four minutes into the cut. I love it. Right up there with the Paisiello piece from _Barry Lyndon_.

>Good news for Shatner Fans: Star Trek The Original Series is being released as a DVD box set.<

For Shatner fans? Sir, this was an ENSEMBLE effort. Besides, the episodes have been available on pricey DVD double-sets for some time now, and given the general saturation of Star Trek merchandise, it's hard to get excited. Methinks the Trek Era is pretty much over, torched by the last two movies, which were just so bad. Watching the wildly over-promoted Brent Spiner mince across the screen, one realized just how good Dee Kelley and the old gang really were.

Now, a boxed first season of Hee-Haw, featuring Misty Rowe, or the Compleat Cool McCool...ok!

Good news for Shatner Fans: Star Trek The Original Series is being released as a DVD box set.

http://www.trektoday.com/news/050504_02.shtml

FAISAL:

Can you, somewhichway, broker as liaison/intermediary with your friend to obtain for me at least one copy each of my stuff in Persian? To say I would make it worth your/his/her time and effort, would be understatement. I am DROOLING to obtain copies for my archive.

This is major. Please respond. At your convenience.

Harlan

Frank,
I got another hit about a month ago. At a little league baseball practise for Paris, an hispanic man came up to my car to talk. He said there was a (another) local man who had been beaten up by this cop. He gave me the name, I found the address. He has no phone. He got out of prison last year for "delivery of marijuana" but if you looked at his residence you'd see that he didn't sell MUCH. No "Scarface", this guy.

He lives on the city's most remote northern street. He has a shack without electricity and a mobile home that must have been built in the fifties parked on his property. There are also a handful of junk cars around.

I got out of my car and he came out of his home.

Jeeze this is a long story.... I'll finish it tomorrrow.

:)
Cindy

HARLAN & IBOOKS
HARLAN: Don't know if this will concern you that much -- I think they get great distribution in stores and they put out lots of good magazine advertisement - but speaking as a freelance writer who writes a review column for a mid-sized paper, I gotta tell ya: the PR dept. at Ibooks sucks (to use my daughter's favorite phrase). I've been trying to get them to send me review copies -- so I can cover their books for my column -- for over a year now. According to Byron Preiss, the original problem was due to a PR guy that left the company. But their new PR woman is no better: two phone calls, three emails, no answers, no help. I even tried to entice them with the information that I'm starting to review books for "Amazing Stories" -- nothing. Nada. (I even told them I was still doing genre reviews for Denver and Austin -- didn't help). I even tried Raoul Mitgang. Nothing doing. I've given up. I suppose this could be explained by my doing the column for a mid-sized paper (nothing to get too excited about PR-wise), but I got this reaction from them when I was still doing a column for a big newspaper like the "Dallas Morning News." In fairness, I HAVE gotten response when bugging them about one particular title -- both times, it was a book you had written. But in both instances, an editor made sure I got the book. I don't think the PR person (or whatever they call the guy/girl in charge of getting review copies out) would have seen it through without Clarice Levin's help. In any case, since you're counting on them to promote your Edgework Abbey wares, I thought you might like to know.
All best,
Dorman

Thy will be done...
ALL (who contributed -- you know who you are): Because my (not so) veiled message was missed by a few of you guys, and because (I admit it, I'm still a goof where internet matters are concerned) I DON'T have all of your email addresses, and because I'm too tired to to look 'em all up, and because THE PACKAGE will be arriving at it's destination tomorrow (also because I think "you know who" -- and I don't mean Voldemort) is out of town this week anyway, I can safely say: it is done. Whatever reaction anyone is expecting will be forthcoming between tomorrow afternoon (after around 1 or 2 p.m. pacific) and whenever "HE Who Cannot Be Named" arrives back in his lovenest. I'm tired (but I still have another hour's worth of work to do). So I'll say G'night. (And thanks to everyone concerned for their patience) (Yes, Paula, your card finally arrived -- it must've went by way of Timbuktu).
--DTS

Barney, you hit the Moore-banning issue on the head. No way in hell will his film be buried.....his Bowling activities and Oscar would guarantee that alone, but this smells intensely of publicity-stunt.

I enjoy Moore's work, though I loathe his politics, and I'm sure I will be sitting in an air-conditioned theater watching the flick sometime this summer.

PS.....One of the greatest things Moore has done in the movies is an acting role: He played a hilarious supporting role in a little seen film starring John Travolta and Lisa Kudrow called Lucky Numbers. It's one of my guilty pleasures....the film cracks me up, regardless of the dopey lead characters, but when Moores creepy cousin to Kudrow shows up he steals the movie. Luvit.

Shane, I notice now that I am experiencing my second Arizona Spring (100 degrees in May), it's actually refreshing to walk out of my airconditioned 10-hour a day prison and be hit by a blast of fresh, hot, dry heat. I also notice that not a single soul has spouted the inanity "Hot enough for you." Does this mean I've already gone native?

-TODD

Deb: I'm the one who mentioned The Usual Rules by Joyce Maynard, which I enjoyed (though I still think Baby Love was the best thing she ever wrote, it begs to be made ito a movie). Also: The Lovely Bones is excellent. The premise sounds a bit grisly when you hear it described, but the book is beautifully written.

Frank,

I know Spike Lee's editor. The man who has edited nearly all his films from "She's Gotta Have It" onward. He's white.

I personally think Spike Lee's position on crew hiring for his films has been misinterpreted. I believe a lot of things that he says has been misinterpreted or misquoted.

Paula,

Could you email the Arabic spellings to me. I can't seem to access them on the webpage you created.

FAQ

Todd, Disney and Michael Moore
Todd: Thanks for the update. Wheww, I thought I was more out of the loop than usual. BTW, I haven't been involved in any accidents for eight months as of the 10th of May! Whoopee!!

For those who missed it, here's what The New York Times had to say about Disney and Michael Moore:
Disney Forbidding Distribution of Film That Criticizes Bush
By JIM RUTENBERG

Published: May 5, 2004
:
http://www.nytimes.com/2004/05/05/national/05DISN.html?ex=1399089600&en=5dd82385da93ce1e&ei=5007&partner=USERLAND

Elijah,

For mercy's sake, don't be afraid of GODEL, ESCHER, BACH. Hofstadter tackles a wide range of rather esoteric material, to be sure, but he does it in a remarkably accessible way. You may not catch every nuance along the way -- I certainly didn't when I joyfully waded into it some twenty years ago -- but that's okay. This isn't one of those books in which you must cling to the thread of the central argument like grim death because you know that if you lose it nothing from that point on will make any kind of sense. This book is more of a cognitive playground, full of interesting and provocative conceptual leaps and intercrossings. I have not reread the book for many years now, so I can't promise that it will come across with the kind of freshness it once had, but I think I can promise you an entertaining read that need not be intimidating. I do recognize, of course, that we all have certain subject matter areas in which a hair-trigger panic button regularly drives us away from material that we are almost certainly capable of processing. It may be that something in G,E,B triggers such a response in you, accounting in part for your apprehension. But, that possibility aside, I have no doubt that you will find the book very approachable.

Steve J.

To Elijah, re _Godel, Escher, Bach_: Don't be intimidated. It's worth digesting very carefully, because the insights it provides are _extremely_ powerful and fascinating.

Trust me on this. If it's taught me anything, it's that I cannot be wise in _all_ things. And that we cannot create any formal systems which are complete and consistent.

Melissa: Let me know what you think of The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. That is on my reading list. I'm reading her memoir , " lucky " right now. Encellent, though disturbing.
***Someone else has The Usual Rules by Joyce Maynard on their list. That is on my list as well...interested in your thoughts on this one. Sorry I can't recall who mentioned it.
***Good reading to all!

reading / watching
Reading:
In progress... The True Story of the Kelly Gang
Before that... Cryptonomicon (a re-read)
On Deck... Godel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid (shudder - let me be frank: this is well out of my league. I fully expect to rush back to my security blanket books while plowing through it)
Security blankets... GTO graphic novels, Gibson's Sprawl trilogy, the Dune series, lil' Lovecraft, and Ellison's editorials when I need a kick in the pants.

Moving Pictures:
Last rental.. Terminator 3 (my expectations were low and they were not met. this movie has no redeeming features, not a one. I'm ashamed to even list it here, but figure it's a test of honesty)
Last in cinema... Hellboy (oh, c'mon - comic books and Cthulu. It's exactly what you should expect going in.)
Would like to own... Cowboy Bebop - The Movie
Favorite that I own... Six String Samurai ("If I was you, I'd run!" "If you were me, you'd be good lookin'.")

FRANK: The advent of conglomerates like Clear Channel, The eradication of equal time on the air waves and now this cowardly move from Disney have utterly compromised Free Speech in this country. I am so pissed off about the suppression of Moore's film that I can hardly write.

Steve Dooner

Moore to the point
*** Frank ***

Here's something I just wrote for a different forum about that -

>Ok, I like Moore's stuff. I have all of his books. I have the two DVD Bowling For Columbine. I watched his short lived tv show. I get it. I get him.

Having said that, I am nevertheless, completely convinced this is a marketing ploy on the part of Disney/Miramax to generate free publicity in the society of the New Infamy. Moore himself doesn't seem to foresee a problem getting a distribution deal post-Canne.

Moore's last book was "banned" for about 10 minutes in pre-production. Then it debuted on the NYT bestsellers list at the #2 or #3 spot and the following week was #1 where it stayed for some time. During the week that I saw him on no less
than 4 shows [Daily Show/Hardball/Charlie Rose and something else] AND I WASN"T LOOKING FOR HIM and on each of these shows he lead the viewer to believe this was his only media outlet and that it was a fluke he got on. I hope I get a soapbox that rickety someday.

I don't think he's co-opted, yet, but he sure as hell is mainstream.


*** Faisal *** Let me beat Harlan and Tim to the punch and ask if you can get multiple copies from your friend of any Persian editions of Harlan's stuff. I suspect Harlan would want 3 each of whatever there is and I know Tim Richmond and yours truly would happily pay for 1 each of whatever your friend can get. LMK. Thanks.

- Barney

Amishflyover, PA.

Yo Frank, kindly give Disney the respect it deserves and refer to it as we do here in Florida, the rat. Check out Jack Shaheen's latest article in the "Washington Report" where he blasts the evil empire on its latest film, "Hidalgo". Also, if you care anything about how a people are vilified on screen, check out his book, "Reel Bad Arabs". Never occurred to me that even "Casablanca", one of my favs, has racist tones. Anyway...

Well I'll be a monkey's motherfucker, Disney is trying to stop Miramax from releasing Michael Moore's new film "Fahrenheit 911." Goddamn Mickey Louse and his worm infested ass. I bet Eisner wants a smooth love fest, if the evil Bush gets to steal another election. We worry about government abuse, when what we should worry about is private power abuse.

Fucking Capitalism.

--------------

Cindy, how is the police brutality thing going?

----------

Seems Air America radio is being slammed for not having black voices. This is why I am not a liberal. They say they care about race, but it is the same white privilege deal.

Fuckin Hollyweird unions barely let blacks in their ranks. Spike Lee has complained about this. When he wants a mostly black crew, because of union rules, he is forced to accept a mostly lilly white crew.

If we can't trust the liberals who can we trust?

----------------

Harlan, have a great idea for a story. I was reading about phantom limbs and the like. How about doing a story about that? I know, go back in the corner and suck my thumb.

Peg,

I did hear from an Iranian friend of mine that some of Harlan's books are available in Persian translations in Iran... Though I doubt he gets to see any royalties or knew about them until I posted this up.

(During the whole Rushdie debacle, Iran was the only country where a person could pick up an Arabic translation of The Satanic Verse. Also without any royalties going to the author. Do you see the pattern here...?).

FAQ

Jealous Jealous Jealous
Every time I read the wonderful stories about meeting Harlan at signings, I am *so* envious. If there is a place where HE is least likely to travel for a signing, it would probably be Kuwait or it's nearby neighbors! (I doubt you could even find one of his books here).

*sigh* Well, maybe next time I get back to So Cal....

Faisal:

I can't keep scrolling up - I done went and hit the top.

I've decided to set aside some of my other reading and instead will take in some nice, relaxing horror stories: The Mountains of Madness, etc. by Lovecraft.

Sometimes you feel like a Cthulu, sometimes ya don't.

Chuck

Harlan & Dune
I finally gave into temptation and purchased the Sanctuary Records special edition DVD of Dune. This is probably the benchmark to measure future releases. The telecine has had quite a bit of restoration done on it with colours appearing quite dark yet vibrant. The reds really do look red, and the greens in the Harkonnen world are much deeper then the pale anemic tones that have been familiar on old TV broadcasts.

There is a second DVD which contains a documentary, Impressions of Dune, with Harlan appearing. It's about 35 minutes though I wouldn't have minded it being a lot longer. Harlan makes a significant and welcome appearance defending the movie and the fact that it that such an unusual project got made in the Hollywood system.

If you love the film (like me), go out and purchase it. If not, ignore this post and keep scrolling upward.

FAQ

Odds and Ends: The Sequel

For those people out there who *haven't* read "The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay," I cannot recommend this novel enough. I was absolutely thrilled when it won the Pulitzer, and it damn well deserves it (IMO.) It is The Great American Novel, a genuinely brilliant work. I had the pleasure of seeing Chabon give a reading from the book back in Sonoma, CA a few years ago, and spoke to him afterwards -- and he confirmed that his word "aetataureate" in Chapter 7, Part IV, "The Golden Age," a word that has probably stumped reading groups all over the country, was, in fact, something he simply made up because it sounded cool. :-)

Oh, and here's a interesting coincidence: some people here have just brought up Jack Vance's work, and on Sunday, I mentioned the incredibly cool Deep Flight Aviator minisubmarine (www.deepflight.com.) FYI, Jack Vance's son John was the chief engineer and builder of the sub, under designer Graham Hawkes, and is a damn cool guy to boot. As the saying goes, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

-- Jon

Ramble On





I forgot to mention I am also reading Jack Vance's "The Dragon Masters", what a ride!

Have any of ya'll illustrious Webderlanders ever met Mr. Vance? I've always wondered about the man behind all those wonderful stories. Do you remember reading "The Moon Moth" for the first time? POW!!

I think we should have an HE reading group in the forum.

Respectfully,

Neal

P.S. Hi Unca Harlan. What are YOU reading?

Here's my reading list:

Censored 2004: The Top 25 Censored Stories - Project Censored
The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
Junk English - Ken Smith
The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
Life of Pi - Yann Martel
The Essential Calvin and Hobbes - Bill Watterson, containing my all-time favorite strip: Calvin takes a bath in the toilet.
The Elegant Universe - Brian Greene

Movies on DVD, when we have time:

Solaris: Criterion Collection
The Wages of Fear
Network
Chinatown
The Conversation
Futurama, Vol. 3
Looney Tunes - The Golden Collection

Love to all, Melissa

Thanks Earl,

Just suffering exhaustion at the end of semester--that's my only explanation.

Steve Dooner

Books recently read & books I'm reading now
The Selected Letters of Clark Ashton Smith--D. Schultz, S. Connors, editors
A Dreamer & A Visionary: H.P. Lovecraft in His Time (S.T. Joshi)
Miscellaneous Writings--H.P.Lovecraft (S.T. Joshi, editor)
Letters to Alfred Galpin - HPL, (S.T. Joshi, editor)
The Gentleman from Angell Street - Muriel Eddy (about HPL)
The Penultimate Truth - Philip K. Dick
I Have Landed - Stephen Jay Gould
Atheism and Other Essays - Joseph Lewis

'tis it for now.

Oh, and Martin Gardner is a great read. I started with "Science-Good, Bad and Bogus" years ago and worked my way up to "Did Adam and Eve Have Navels?"

Brian:

Thanks kindly for the anecdotes. I was fortunate enough to see Harlan work his magic in Vancouver in '92, and your recounting brought back some happy memories.

I look forward to meeting some of you Webderlanders in Atlanta this September.

D.

Gunther, I was at the signing at Forbidden Planet, too. Had the pleasure of introducing myself to the man, and watching the pleasure on _his_ face at meeting _me_. (He did that with a lot of people who he knew who showed up.) He asked how I was doing, so I gushed about my girlfriend Dusti, and I wished him a happy 70th birthday, which is coming up soon.

I hung around mainly to watch the byplay between Harlan and the fans. (Gunther, if you noticed a guy with glasses standing by the nearby rack, in a blue demin coat or a grey shirt, that was me.) I wished a mike and a speaker had been used, so that the people in line could hear answers to the obvious questions like "So, what're you working on?" One guy showed up with a video camera, without getting permission, but his presence was tolerated with a bit of grumbling. (Do not read this as an endorsement of the practice, camerapeople. Try to get permission in advance, or leave the thing at home.)

But just about everyone who came forward with something to sign also got a good minute or so of Quality Time with Unca Harlan. One person got a recommendation on an old recording of "Nola." One young man used the word "Awesome" in its current, trivial sense, and he got a stern lecture about the _proper_ use of the word. (Say, describing the development of Cartesian logic, and NOT the provision of autographs, which is "nice," but not inspiring of AWE.) At least two people plunged Harlan into a thick Russian accent ("You are Russian? I am Russian."), and what sounded like either authentic Russian or Sid Caesar-quality Russian gibberish.

There was one really wonderful exchange. A trio of young'uns got a quick rundown on good mexican food in the SoCal area... and then Harlan reached into his bag, and gave them a Julie Schwartrz keepsake. Apparently Julie had sent Harlan a piece Nora Ephron had written for the _New Yorker_ about pastrami in the Los Angeles area-- and Harlan took the article from a keepsake buncle, had it placed in a preservation bag and handed it to them. VERY nice gesture.

Oh, and I bought a membership in the Rabbit Hole subscriptions, so this is a reminder to the wonderful Susan, who was also there and was extremely cool when I asked her "So, how do you put _up_ with this guy?"

Shane, Harlan appeared at Mesa College in San Diego recently.

I was as disappointed as you to have my ears/eyes perk up at the mention of "Mesa" only to have them lowered again at the mention of "San Diego."

After that last excursion to AZ to meet the teeming throngs of the disinterested, it will probably take a lot of convincing or a lot of moohlah (or both) to get him back here soon.

Then again, you could always run into another dissatisfied commuter.......

-TODD

Celebrating the Timeless Glamour of Art Deco
I heard this segment on my way into work this morning and recommend it for the Art Deco aficionados on the site:

Celebrating the Timeless Glamour of Art Deco
http://www.npr.org/display_pages/features/feature_1869505.html

Please excuse my ignorance, but can anyone here tell me about Harlan's appearance at Mesa College? If that is the college near Phoenix, AZ I hadn't heard about until Hodge mentioned it some messages ago.

Mr. Ellison --

seeing how I couldn't be there personally, I'd like to thank you here for the book signing in Forbidden Planet. My friend (Fahmida) was quite floored by the experience, summing it up as "Harlan Ellison made himself a new fan today - not of his works as I have yet to pick any of his writings, but of him as a person." and "We need more authors in the world like him. Actually, we need more *people* in the world like him."

So, thank you for that. And the chicken feet.


(To everyone else who has no idea what I'm talking about: sorry)

Michael Chabon's novel
The title of Chabon's fine novel about comic book creators is THE AMAZING ADVENTURES OF KAVALIER & CLAY.

Kavalier, not Cavalier.

That was "hear them coming". sorry.

Now Reading & Seeing...
At the moment I'm reading:

Rex Stout: A Majesty's Life by John McAleer
Inside Oscar 2 by Damien Bona

In the pipeline:
Sandy Koufax by Jane Leavy
The Salt Roads by Nalo Hopkinson

Recently purchased:
Gravity's Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon (a hardcover(!) edition, as rare as a hen's tooth mind you).
Rhubarb in the Catbird Seat by Red Barber (and Robert Creamer)
The Hero With a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell
Wilde West by Walter Satterthwait
Lies my Teacher Told Me by James W. Loewen
Oscar Fever by Emanuel Levy

Recently seen on DVD:
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
Rebecca (1940)
Swordfish
An Ideal Husband
Mona Lisa Smile
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
The Royal Tannenbaums
The Sum of All Fears
A Man For All Seasons

In the Stack To Be Seen:
The Hulk
The House of Mirth
On Her Majesty's Secret Service
Saboteur (Hitchcock, 1942)
Family Plot (Hitchcock, 1976)

Who sez the unemployed are an uncultured lot?

cmb

and more books
Keith Cramer: my problem with Joyce Carol Oates is not the subject matter, but as you say, the style. Is that called "stream-of-consciousness", the sort of random, barely punctuated, jumpy run-on sentences she often uses? It takes so much effort to unravel a sentence that goes on for two PAGES that I've lost track of---or interest in-- what she was saying in the first place. (yeah I'm a philistine it's true...remember the line in Amadeus "Too many notes!" --that's me all right)

Funny, I too tried a few times to get started reading Stephen King's IT, and that one didn't grab me either. I never got past the first 50 pages. And I do like some of his novels, just not that one. Nor CUJO.

I suspect that I really haven't read much science fiction compared to the crowd on this forum. Most of the Ellison that was available to me, plus any Theodore Sturgeon I could find (MORE THAN HUMAN is one of my all-time favorites), Clifford D. Simak, Orson Scott Card, a heckuva lot of F&SF magazines, and a few of the classics (Foundation trilogy etc)

A little gem from Sharyn McCrumb which made me laugh: "Amateur poets should be belled and cowled like lepers, so that we may see them coming and flee." From FOGGY MOUNTAIN BREAKDOWN AND OTHER STORIES, worth a read, even a reread.

Dave: Thanks for the correction on the title. This book is a real pleasure. I love the dialectic of the paired essays, and I love Gardner's whole approach to philosophy, economics and theology. I've just read the "Why I am Not a Smithian"/ "Why I am Not a Marxist" sections, and found very liberating.

KEITH: As for Cavalier and Clay--let me tell you to run out and buy this book. If you love comics and that whole period of America in the forties when so many immigrant dreams created so much quintessential American art.

Also, I will read "Steel Cat" tonight and let you know what I thought.

Steve Dooner

Steve Dooner: I've read parts of Gardner's Whys of a Philosophical Scrivener several times, you're definitely in for a treat.

By all means get your hands on his autobiographical novel, The Flight of Peter Fromm. It describes his progress from belief to skepticism, and deserves to be much better known.

Just finished V. D. Hanson's Ripples of Battles, and started Jonathan Carroll's White Apples.

Reads
For sheer, over the top STORY:

Y'know that scene in the PRINCESS BRIDE, both book n'movie, where somebody is asked what the story is about, and he goes through a whole list of neat things like pirates, hairs-breadth escapes, magic, leaps from high places, bad guys, revenge, true love, swordfights, assassins?

That's CARTER BEATS THE DEVIL by David Allen Gold.

Reviewing words cannot equal the depth of wonderfulness in that book.

Keith C.

I dare you to not like Bear's 'City of Angels' or CJ Cherryh's 'Cyteen'. And have you given Gibson's 'Idoru' a whirl? He's really smoothed himself out in the last couple of books. A great example of a ground breaking writer at the top of his game.

Book the books, booker.

I've gotten so many ideas for new books. This is great. We should publish this list. "Books Read by Those Who Read Ellison," or something. It should have a summary of each book by the recommending reader, and why it was chosen, and what was got out of it.

Steve Dooner: How do you like "The Adventures of Cavalier and Clay" by Michael Chabon? That was recommended me by a friend, but he had only read a chapter or two. Also, "Fancies and Goodnights" by John Collier is one of my favorite books of short stories anywhere. I've purchased multiple copies of that book which I give to friends who enjoy sardonic, ironic, and comical fiction. One of the non-humorous stories, though, is one of the strongest stories in that book: "The Steel Cat." I warn my friends to avoid it if they are sensitive. The new paperback edition that is offered on Amazon now has a forward by Bradbury, which is funny itself.

I just finished a comic collection called "Bucky Katt's Big Book of FUN," by Darby Conley. It'll have you laughing so hard you will cry.

Dorie Jennings: I used to have problems with Oates as well. I think it was a maturity kind of thing. My adolescent reading was full of sword and sorcery, David Eddings, Barbra Hambly, Tolkein, etc., and "soft" science fiction, like Alan Dean Foster, Spider Robinson, Simon Hawke, and the like. Escapist literature, for the most part. Never was into the hard-core science fiction by Herbert, or Brin, or Gibson, though I LOVED Asimov, and to this day I think his writing is what made me believe there was more to get out of science fiction than a 2 minute ride that goes up and down. Asimov never seemed hard-core.

But now my tastes have grown and my interests have turned outward, and I enjoy almost everything I can get my hands on, except, once again, hard core science fiction. David Brin's "Practice Effect" was a rare exception. I also liked Philip Jose Farmer's "Venus on the Half Shell," though I thought it was too nihilistic (like the movie A.I.) to really love and embrace. Maybe I just don't like contemplating THE END. Could be a personal problem...

I'm not saying your reading taste is immature. I'm saying that you may never get into Oates, like I never got into hard-core SF, but that's okay. But you should always try. I've got Steven King's "IT" sitting on my shelf, and I'll be damned if it's going to go unread another 10 years. I try to get into it about once a year and I just end up putting it back up on the shelf. I like King's short stories....I just can't get into his novels. I think it might be a style thing. There's something "different" about it. Oates might be the same for you.

-Cramer

Lee:

Cela était simplement merveilleuxment tragique, le genre de chose qui fait me tient que je fais, et dire ceux-là de que je soigne combien ils me signifient. Nous avons besoin de ces rappels chaque de temps en temps. Je plains ce que vous non plus long a à votre main, mais encore plus désolé pour un monde qui n'a jamais su qu'il a manqué. Trouve rassurance dans votre reconnaissance des parfums de vie, aussi peu de savoir la fête qui est réglé avant eux.

Me reedies two:

Nonfiction:
"The Teammates", by David Halberstam
"Pigs at the Trough..." by Arianna Huffington
"The Devil In The White City..." by Erik Larson
"The Future of Freedom: Illiberal Democracy at Home and Abroad", by Fareed Zakaria

Fiction:
"Fail-Safe", by Eugene Burdick and Harvey Wheeler (must profess, I'd never read the original novel)
"The Gormenghast Novels", by Mervyn Peake
"Perdido Street Station", by China Mieville
"Mason and Dixon" by Thomas Pynchon (Dammit, M. Ellison, now I'm hooked on the guy!)
"Dimensions Of Sheckley", by Robert Sheckley

Scott

always too many books to read
Neal Johnson: My goodness, is Lebbon's "White" a fantastic story. Maybe it's because, living in the frozen north, I know the snows of which he speaks, and sometimes wonder whether out of the corner of my eye I spy one of those...things.

Jon A. Bell: Yours was the first mention I read of a new China Mieville title. You made my week. After PERDIDO STREET STATION, I couldn't start another book for a couple of days, so long did the digestion take. I think THE SCAR was a better novel, but because it took place in the same world, the sense of discovery wasn't quite as great. Still, I am most assuredly looking forward to IRON COUNCIL. A thousand thanks.

As for my own current reading, I'm moving through the Hugo nominees. I've read the 2003 short stories, novelettes, and novellas, and among the crop think the strongest are Mr. Gaiman's "A Study in Emerald" (short story) and Mr. Williams's "The Green Leopard Plague," (novella) with the latter the better. I'm now on to the retro Hugo novel nominees. I wasn't as impressed with Mr. Clarke's CHILDHOOD'S END as I'd hoped to be, though I still recognize that it must've been visionary when it came out fifty years ago. I liked Mr. Clement's MISSION OF GRAVITY more, and am now about halfway through Mr. Asimov's THE CAVES OF STEEL. That leaves Mr. Sturgeon's MORE THAN HUMAN and Mr. Bradbury's FAHRENHEIT 451. Then it'll be time for the 2003 novels. I can't wait to start Mr. Simmons's ILIUM.

Cheers, everyone.

Paul

Who has time to read? There are too many movies still unseen.

Recent reading:

Midnight Movies by Jonathan Rosenbaum
Essential Cinema by Jonathan Rosenbaum
Murder of a Mafia Daughter by Cathy Scott
King Kelly: Baseball's First Superstar by Marty Appel
The Hook by Donald Westlake


Recent films seen:

In the theater:

The Same River Twice (wonderful, a must-see)
Hellboy (a must-miss)
Dogville (angry, childish, unfair and brilliant)
The Battle of Algiers (wow, just wow.)
Kill Bill 2 (better than 1, at least some of it isn't sampled from other films)


On DVD/Video:

Fishing with John (cute)
The Goalie's Anxiety at the Penalty Kick (Wenders' best, IMHO)
Sherman's March (McElwee out-Moores Moore, pre-Moore no less)
Mon Oncle (Jacques Tati - what else do you need to know?)
In Praise of Love (Jean Luc, please stop, just stop!)
Stone Reader (just about the finest movie about books)
Home Movie (almost as good as American Movie)
American Mullet (cute for 20 minutes, wears out its welcome)

Lee,
That was beautiful, perfect and beautiful.

Cindy

the Double Shadow--Clark Ashton Smith

Silk--Caitlin R. Kiernan

"White"--Tim Lebbon (short story)

this damned Noam Chomsky book that is bugging the crap out of me thatnk you VERY much Frank Church

Medea-An Harlan Ellison Joint--by Frank Herbert (heheh)

The Dragon Masters--Jack Vance

all with some death metal bound for background


respectfully,

neal

Don Rickles on Larry King right now hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

The Movie/Book Thread
I checked out two films from the library: CIVILIZATION, a 1916 anti-war film by Thomas Ince. A combination of heavy-handed symbolism and powerful imagery. The other was SHOCK CORRIDOR. This was probably Fuller's masterpiece. The things that man could do with a shoestring budget. It's too bad Peter Breck didn't have a better career. His performance in this film was both nuanced and explosive, depending on the scene.

I am reading (in to particular order): ORBIT 11 edited by Damon Knight and UNIVERSE 5 edited by Terry Carr. I'd also like to get to: THE ANGLE OF DARKNESS by Caleb Carr, THE DAY OF THE LOCUST by Nathaniel West and THE LEGACY OF HEOROT, by Larry Niven, Jerry Pournelle and Steven Barnes.

And there you have it.

Chuck

Lee, I didn't mean you ought to post WRITING here, only that you've obviously got the ability to tell a story well, and in lovely prose. And you have an interesting life. I just hope you write this stuff down somewhere, even if you don't aim to publish it, write it down for your kids.

Dorie:

I’ve never been one to receive a compliment without blushing delicately in an appealing display of shy humility, but when we start talking on Harlan Ellison’s website about going out and writing books … well, it brings to mind those actors in ‘Band of Brothers’ that did a four day pre-filming boot camp and came out babbling that they now have a feel for what the 101 Airborne went through during the seige of Bastogne.

I have all the normal writing fantasies of any avid reader, but I would NEVER try to post *W*R*I*T*I*N*G* on Webderland. In doing that, one might as well go to Harlan’s home and lay a little turd on his living room rug. If I occasionally do get anecdotal, it’s because I like and admire many of the people that post here and I want to try and say something worth reading and join in the fun.

One of the interesting elements of Webderland is that in order to exist, you have to write something down.

What, me read? Er, what I'm reading.
* Vol. 18 of Patrick O'Brian's Aubrey-Maturin series, with 19 and 20 in the pipeline.
* "The Sapphire Rose" by David Eddings.
* One year later, I'm still only 2/3rds through Arno Schmidt's "Zettels Traum".
* A bunch of secondary Lovecraft literature.

oh, and JON A. BELL: I found The Confusion to be a hell of a lot better than Quicksilver, so hang in there no matter what!

It's been a busy, busy week, so I haven't had that much time to read. Here's what I HAVE read in the last week ...

A Damon Runyon treasury
SOUTHERN MAIL, by Antoine St. Exupery
THE EDGE OF TOMORROW, by Isaac Asimov (both fiction and nonfiction)
A HEALTHY PLACE TO DIE, by Peter King (a Gourmet Detective mystery)
BUMS, by Peter Golembeck (about the Brooklyn Dodgers)
the new issue of MEN'S HEALTH magazine
THE BREAKS by Richard Price
A ton of veterinarian bills

... and today, I started reading a book I've been looking toward for a long time: THE SECRETS OF JIN-SHEI, by Alma Alexander. Not only because it promises to be very good, but because Alma is a dear friend of mine.
(Harlan, your copy will be sent off this week)

And that brings up another thought I just had, on the subject of autographed books. There are a couple books I have which I fully intend to get signed--among them, THE CLIFFS OF ARIES by Thom Nickels, Philadelphia Gay News columnist and novelist; THE PHILADELPHIA FLYERS ENCYCLOPEDIA, by David Sherman.

I worked with Thom for four or five years, you see, and went through school--both regular and Hebrew--with Dave. Autographs such as those--and the ones I have of Alma's books--mean a lot to me.

What I'm reading:

BANGKOK 8 by John Burdett
A SMALL DEATH IN LISBON by Robert Wilson
WORLD ON FIRE by Amy Chua
DARWIN'S CHILDREN by Greg Bear
LIVING TO TELL THE TALE by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
THIEVE'S DOZEN by Donald E. Westlake
LOGIC MADE EASY by Deborah J. Bennet

The Pile of Books I am Currently Reading

Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold
The Ways of a Philosphical Scrivener by Martin Gardner
The Spirit Archives (Volume 13) by Will Eisner
Don Quixote (new Translation by Edith Grossman)
The World's Most Dangerous Places by Robert Young Pelton
Dante in Love by Harriet Rubin
Dante by R. W. B. Lewis
The Adventures of Cavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon
Albion by Peter Ackroyd
Fancies and Goodnights by John Collier
The Botany of Desire by Micahel Pollan

Books in my sanctified neon pyramid:

Upton Sinclair's The Jungle
Rereading Picture Of Dorian Gray; the greatest horror novel of all time.
Eric Schlosser's Reefer Nation
331/3 guide to Prince's album Sign O' The Times
Harlan's Shatterday again
Gogol's Dead Souls
Endless political dreck from the internet

Currently reading:

Teklords, by William Shatner (annotated edition)
Danny Dunn and the Homework Machine, by Jay Williams
Chevrolet Mid-size (1964-1981) by Chilton
Merck Manual of Medical Information (a hypochondriac's bible)
Eat Great, Lose Weight, by Suzanne Somers
Captives in Space, by Joseph Greene
Webderland Archive 1995-97, by Various Authors
Best of Tumbleweed, Tom K. Ryan

To-read pile
My pile to-be-read is always subject to whim, and some books keep being put on the bottom of the file, but these are near the top:

The Kill Artist by David Silva
Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom by Cory Doctorow
Finder by Greg Rucka
The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold
The Emperor and the Wolf by Stuart Galbraith (giant bio of Kurosawa
and Mifune)
The latest Robert K. Tannenbaum "Butch Karp" thriller
There's also a new collection of Cornell Woolrich I want to buy.


I actually have so many books on my current to-read pile that the continued accumulation and my recent unemployment have led to a rule: NO MORE NEW BOOK PURCHASES UNLESS THE BOOK BEING PURCHASED IS SO BADLY WANTED IT'S THE VERY NEXT BOOK I WANT TO READ. This keeps me from saying, oh, that looks kinda interesting, and adding it to the tower but never getting to it. Authors whose books would shoot straight to the top of the pile do include the astonishing Mieville, already cited...Westlake...and of course our host.

Books, Films, Music... and Submarines (?)

In response to my question yesterday, “What’s everyone reading/watching/enjoying/doing?”, for me, it’s the following:

Novels: I just finished “Broken Angels,” Richard Morgan’s sequel to his kick-ass noir SF novel “Altered Carbon.” I’m also starting Neil Stephenson’s “Quicksilver” after a long delay (and hope to get it and “The Confusion” finished before the 3rd book in this trilogy comes out in the fall!) Definitely looking forward to Harlan’s “Justice League,” and China Mieville’s “Iron Council,” set in the same universe as his extraordinary dark fantasies “Perdido Street Station” and “The Scar.”

Non-fiction: Mainly, computer graphics books (it’s what I do for a living; my fourth CG book was just published two months ago, and I’ve got to keep up with the technology.) I’ve been thinking about dusting off Jean Francois Revel’s “How Democracies Perish,” “Without Marx or Jesus” and “The Totalitarian Temptation” to see how his 20-30+ year-old ideas stand up today.

Comics: the graphic novel “Superman: Red Son,” an alternate-universe tale wherein Kal-El’s rocketship landed in the Soviet Union, rather than Kansas. Cool premise and dynamite artwork here.

Movies: I forced myself to see “Kill Bill II” (I’m not a Tarantino fan; to me, if you’re going to devote your life to making meticulously-crafted knockoffs of your favorite genre, why pick “grindhouse cinema,” for God’s sake? It’s like a French chef determined to make the best Velveeta/meatloaf casserole in the world.) Anyway, I agree with the SF Chronicle critic Mick LaSalle on this one – QT should’ve cut them together into one 2.5-hour movie and called it a day.

Music: CDs from Cold Blue Music (www.coldbluemusic.com.) Contemporary classical ensembles, experimental pieces, dark, moody, mysterious. I like ‘em a lot, and if you’re into introspective, somewhat minimalist instrumental music, I highly recommend them. (Also, Keith mentioned watching “The Ghost and Mrs. Muir.” I’m a HUGE film music fan – probably 3/4's of my CD collection consists of film scores, and I love Bernard Herrmann’s music. But man… Listening to his heartbreaking score to “Mrs. Muir” will plunge me into depths of melancholy that would take the Trieste to salvage.)

And, speaking of submarines (now there’s a forced segue…) The Discovery Channel tonight is airing a show called “Dive into the Bermuda Triangle.” I don’t know if they’re going to debunk the alleged “mysteries” of this area or not, but I mention it for one reason: it should feature prominently the Deep Flight Aviator mini-submarine, built by Hawkes Ocean Technologies. (www.deepflight.com.) I’ve done volunteer CG work for them since 1996, and a year ago last March, when the BBC was shooting the show in the Bahamas, I got to ride in the sub for 2 hours as we circled a shipwreck, and then pilot the beast for a few minutes as we headed back into port. It was the culmination of a dream I’ve had since, well, I was a little kid watching “Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea.” The sub itself looks like an F-18 fighter plane, and if you’re into nifty technology, you might check it out.

-- Jon

My Stack o' Books
Dorie, The books that currently make up my reading stack are:
Animal Dreams by Kingsolver
A Game of Thrones by Martin
The Best Democracy Money Can Buy by Palast
The Jan. 2004 issue of Fantasy & Science Fiction
(Plus various articles from Newsweek, The New Yorker, Locus and the Boston Phoenix)
Just Finished:
Letters to a Young Contrarian by Hitchens
Very Old Bones by Kennedy (reread)
Up Next:
The Color of Magic by Pratchett
Experienceing Philosophy by Falikowski (the new text for my Intro to Philosophy course)
His Dark Materials trilogy by Pullman (on load from a collegue)

What? No Harlan? Not at the moment. I read Stange Wine and Again, Dangerous Visions in March.

Later,
Mark W.

That was a lovely piece, Lee, and a lovely tribute to your friend.

And speaking of Southern literature, anyone ever read Body by Harry Crews? It's a wild one set in the world of competive female body-building.

Cheers, Jon

What we've been reading lately
Ian MacEwan's Atonement got so much media attention when it came out that I figured it was a must-read, and I had liked other books he'd written (First Love, Last Rites was my favorite). The world thought Atonement was brilliant but I just couldn't get into it, and I tried twice. Something must be going over my head. Kind of like the Joyce Carol Oates thing.

I've just read The Usual Rules by Joyce Maynard, which I enjoyed. No it's not an IMPORTANT book, but she writes well and I've liked everything of hers which I've read.

Worth reading twice: if anyone here is a fan of southern flavored literature, check out CRUM by Lee Maynard, FAREWELL I'M BOUND TO LEAVE YOU by Fred Chappell, and A PARCHMENT OF LEAVES by Silas House. All wonderful.

Jeez, Lee, everything you write impresses the hell out of me-- if you haven't written any books or stories yet, you should get started!

An End To Rancor--Let's Move On

Keith: I agree the political debate is getting tedious. Everybody's made their points, and it's time to move on. I also love Ghost and Mrs. Muir as well. Was anybody more beautiful than Gene Tierney back then?

Jon: Judging from Rob's previous remarks, he seems pretty familiar with pre-eighties Libertarianism. I think he meant that a lot of Yuppies got on board as Right-Wing Libertarians during the eighties.

You and I agree on most points. But I am not so sure if Government or Corporations should be feared more nowadays. Governments might have bombs and prisons, but ours at least has a token form of representation. Still, corporations can have Pinkertons and Goon Squads, and they can wreck whole countries with governments, eg: The United Fruit Company. They can also use their vast resources to take over governments, eg: Haliburton taking over both the USA and Iraq.

Frank: Does't Noam (who I love as well) also call your form of Libertarianism, "Communitarianism"? I've always liked that word because it emphasized "community" as opposed to the communal living of pure Communism.

Since I began the discussion, I hope that I can end it with all parties on friendly terms. I'm sure those of us here are all thinking individuals who are doing our best. We have to be; we read Harlan Ellison!

Steve Dooner

Lee:

You are a bad man. You made me cry.

I’ve got one surviving grandparent, and I’m definitely visiting her this summer. The last time I saw her, she grabbed my bicep and pulled me down to her level, and told me I HAD to visit soon. It was not a request. She’s 85, and thinks she’s near death. If she hadn’t fallen out of the apple tree in her yard a few years back and broke her ankle, she’d be as healthy as a charivari in Las Vegas. So now I’m planning it. Sooner, rather than later. Thanks for sharing.

Jon A. Bell:

Amen, brother! The political stuff is not only depressing, but using this forum for debate is not intelligent. Maybe in Colonial days, when pamphlets were the stock and trade of the debaters, this type of forum might have made sense. But this is 200 years later, and other forums have risen which are much more conducive to nation-wide debate than this one (telephone, e-mail, instant messaging, Usenet, television, video-phones, web-cams, IRC, etc. etc.). The “one post per day” rule should give people a hint that this is not a scrappy debate forum. Nobody cares who wins an argument here. Almost every time these political issues take over, somebody gets upset, things start to get heated, people hone their bloated arguments over the course of several days to little tiny barbs, and then sit back and gloat, as though they won something. All the while they are misquoting, misreading, and misinterpreting each other’s posts. They call names and insult each other. I can only imagine what Harlan’s book-signings of the future will look like when some of these people run into each other.

Rick is a very tolerant overseer. The “one post per day” rule is frequently abrogated (at least a few times a week), in aid of correcting a point or scoring points. Unfortunately, some people have nothing better to discuss or share than their politics, which is a little sad.

You asked a great question: “what’s everyone been re