Unca Harlan's Art Deco Dining Pavilion

Archive - 08/23/03 to 05/22/03

I received my copies of "Demon" and "Illustrated H.E." today. Both were in excellent condition, thanks. In yesterday's mail there was a mailing from HERC... was that complimentary or can I count myself among its members?

Shakespearan snotful, er, snootful, and that which be humour
Ah. Dang. Sarcasm just don't wing it here. Say, Rick, could you rig up a sound card, maybe a WAV card, and when someone wanted to 'snoot' as it were, one could introduce a line of code that effectively generated the sound of a Bronx cheer, thereby informing all that what just transpired was, indeed, sarcasm.

Yes, Mr. Ellison, I wuz hopin' that SOMEBODY here wasn't serious about not liking a certain tome.

But what do I know? I live across the street from the real-life version of Cousin Eddie from "National Lampoon's Vacation" and he is so much more entertaining than Simon of "American Idol".

My two cents.

Until next time. . .

Ben: I just started Moby Dick myself. A friend and I are planning to "force" each other to read it by assigning ourselves pages and then discussing it, because for some reason, both of us have had trouble getting through it in the past. Maybe you could somehow join in if you're interested. Also, we're considering The Brothers Karamazov next and then Ulysses, also books I feel I must read but haven't. Maybe I'll also add Gravity's Rainbow...I do have the whole summer.

Dear Mr Ellison,

I'd be sad to think that your final decision was final.

Hopefully you'll read my post whether you choose to respond or not. If I don't answer to everything you've said you can assume I may have disagreed with you about whatever it was, but that I've chosen not to argue about it.

About me being "high maintenance...If by that you mean that sometimes it might take more than the average amount of energy to deal with me then I might have to agree. You're certainly not the first to have said this, and I expect I'll hear it again sometime.

I don't see *you* as being responsible for maintaining me, though. Not in any way. I believe that I'm responsible for maintaining myself. I've been okay with presenting an unperturbed front to you. I had no argument with the advise I got to do that, and I followed it comfortably. I found it a great deal harder to take my friend's suggestion that I tell you I was upset. In fact I barely managed it. In part that's because I wasn't agreeable to the idea that I might make you feel I was asking you to be responsible for me. Not even for a moment. I believe I've caused the problems between us and so I consider them mine to solve, or walk away from. I didn't think it was a right thing to do to go crying to you because I was distressed by how you chose to deal with things regarding me. I took the advise of a trusted friend in expressing what I did. Even then I wasn't asking you to take care of me. I was just saying...You choosing not to deal with me causes me pain and costs me tears. I'm saying no more and no less than that.


By the way, I got another brilliant piece of advise from my friend regarding you this morning. He said that if you were important to me, then I might want to look to how I can be of benefit to you. He said I should ask myself what I might have to contribute, what I might have to offer you that could add to your life, rather than taxing your already badly drained personal resources. (In other words he said, in his own gentle and polite way, that I might want to quit being a such a huge pain in your ass, and aim instead at becoming an asset to you)

As you can probably understand it did nothing but reaffirm my confidence in his wisdom to then discover that in your post to me you basically confirmed his advise, by complaining that I've been anything *but* an asset to you so far.

And to make a long message short that is what you said. You don't want to deal with it. It looks to you to be way more trouble than it's worth.

I can understand how you may have gotten that impression. I'm not exactly in my element on message boards. Meetng me here, you're not "seeing" me at my best. To say the least.


In closing, I'm tempted to try to come up with a tidy summation, but really, for the moment I haven't got anything else to say.

Diana

Sorry to post twice, but I'm a good widdle boy most of the time, so I guess it's OK.

First, to Frank, about this Michael hoffman character. I haven't heard of him before, but a quick Google search turned up a few websites pushing his wares. Gahd, what a nut; not just a Holocaust Revisionist, but a full-fledged occult-conspiracy enthusiast, with a deep (i.e., pathological) fascination with Jewish conspiracies.

I have to disagree with you on style, however. I don't think he's a terribly good writer. He's lucid enough to write a passable essay, but I wouldn't place him alongside of such stylists as Vidal or Hitchens.

To David Loftus: I have to agree with Earl. Figure: Here's a lecture by Jorge Luis Borges, one of the greatest fantasists then alive, and it may be the one time that the people in that room could see him in the flesh. (I missed my chance in the early 1980s at college.) There's Ellison, clearly upset that some feebs have ruined a work of art on his house, but clearly out to pay homage to one of his greaters. So this young lady passes him a note to remind him of that incident-- with the teasing implicaton that the egger can be _anywhere_, even at places like a Borges lecture, and they'll never face the music for their behavior. Only funny part was when she came out to find her car covered with eggs.

Welll, I finished David Morrell's FIRST BLOOD a day ago (the Rambo of the book and the Rambo of the movie are such completely different entities it's breathtaking), and I'm having some difficulty choosing my next novel for the summer. Right now it's a tie between IVANHOE or MOBY DICK.

Which one would you guys recommend going for first?

"The Days, And Nights Of Elzabeth"
Hmmm. Perplexing. The insatiable depeletion of toys. That's quite a predicament. Let me think on that, and get back to you.

Are you over eighteen? Would you consider marriage?

David, I gotta tell ya, that local novelist sounds about as funny as a prison term. I hope they got her car with ostrich eggs.

I was looking at the Harlan pic and his jacket actually looks like the jean jacket Billy Jack wore in the movie. Harlan had a Bill Bixby with longer hair thing going on. Tee.

--------------------

Brian, you ever hear of one Michael A Hoffman? He is a holocaust denier. The sad thing is that this guy is a marvelous writer, style wise. Too bad he fucks it up with such a sick political ideal. It really bugs me when talented people become fanatics. A shame.

---------------

I never ever thought I would have solidarity with the Dixie Chicks, but god bless them. Stay tenacious girls. Iraq is now falling apart, and Bush deserves all the scorn he can get--from all venues.

-----------------

"I, as a Socialist, have had to preach, as much as anyone, the enormous power of the environment. We can change it; we must change it; there is absolutely no other sense in life than the task of changing it. What is the use of writing plays, what is the use of writing anything, if there is not a will which finally moulds chaos itself into a race of gods. "

----George Bernard Shaw

An untoward incident in the life of the Hero
Okay, I'm going to break the only-one-a-day rule here, but I think you'll all find this is worth it. It's definitely 100 percent HE content:

You never know where an Ellison story is going to pop up.

Last night I was interviewing a local novelist about her latest book, just out in paperback, and after getting what I needed for my story I turned off my tape recorder, laid aside my pen and tablet, and we visited writer-to-writer, off the record.

At one point, I mentioned HE’s “Schenectady” retort for people who ask where he gets his ideas, and my new acquaintance’s eyes lit up and she asked whether I wanted to hear her Ellison story. But of course!

One evening in the 1970s, when she was living in LA, my informant and her boyfriend were watching TV and Ellison was a guest on Tom Snyder. Some kids had been egging his house, and HE apparently went into a rant about them, looking hard into the camera and saying “I’m gonna get you, you pusillanimous pismires!” Snyder immediately called for a station break, my friend and her guy laughed and turned off the TV and promptly forgot about it.

Several nights later, however, they went to see Jorge Luis Borges give a public lecture. He had a hypnotic speaking style, just like his writing, she said, and everyone in the audience was in a worshipful daze. Gradually she realized that sitting a few rows in front of her was none other than Harlan Ellison.

My informant got an idea. She took out a slip of paper and wrote on it: “Have an egg. A raw egg. P. Pismeier” (her spelling). Then she prevailed on the people in the intervening rows to hand it up to HE. You could see the veins popping out the back of his neck as he read it, she claimed. Of course she tried her best to look utterly innocent as he looked around and scanned the crowd. Nothing further occurred at the hall.

Now, my informant and her guy had made a crude tape recording of the Borges lecture, and they wanted nothing more than to listen to it all, immediately, so they drove around LA for an hour or more, listening on the tape deck to the lecture they had just witnessed. Then they decided to stop somewhere for a bite to eat.

When they came out afterward, their car had been thoroughly egged. Coincidence? My informant wasn’t sure, but I don’t think so!

She added, however, that she never forgot something she read in an Ellison interview when she was in her 20s, around that same period. The interviewer had asked him what he thought of the attitude among young, aspiring writers that the odds are impossibly stacked against them unless than can get the right agent, the right publisher, a big break, etc., etc. (which notion my new friend said she has encountered repeatedly since becoming an established author herself).

In her paraphrase, Ellison’s response was that this is bullshit. Cream rises to the top. If you write something good, you’ll have to beat them off with a stick. She said that answer rang a bell in the back of her head and she thought, he’s right.

So I hope there’s no hard feelings, you humorless snoot-in-the-air.

[Note: though I'd heard the word "pismire" before, I just had to look it up. No, it's not Yiddish in origin, which would have been my call, but Norwegian(!): from "piss" (urine) + "mire" (ant). It's a formica ant, whatever that is. But obviously this relates to the Americanism "pissant". . . .]

Well, that'll teach me to mention Canadian comic books in a post...

Leo Bachle, who created and drew Johnny Canuck's comic book adventures for the Bell Canadian comic books of the 1940s, died recently. If you're going 'Who?' to either Bachle or Canuck, try here -- http://www.skypoint.com/members/schutz19/jcanuck.htm or here -- http://flat_earth.blogspot.com/2003_05_18_flat_earth_archive.html#94591325

Strange note? Bachle changed his name to Les Barker and became a nightclub entertainer and movie and television actor after he left comic books. Johnny Canuck did get a Canada Post stamp back around 1995 in a set honouring various Canadian comic creations.

This has been a Heritage Minute.

Cheers, Jon

I know this will drive Eric crazy, but I just got a peek at the photo of Ellison, and its better, the back cover of Scott's UK-BC edition.

Jay, you're wrong. That pic was taken during the time in the late seventies when Mr. Ellison, in a pique of interest, did a stint as host of the syndicated program "Dance Fever" under one of his many psuedonyms, Denny Terrio.

So many advantages to living in Northern Ontario.

Love to All, Melissa

Eric,

Hey, your parents and Pohl are in my old stomping grounds of Palatine! Lived there for a few years in the 90's before escaping to the city. I still remember when Palatine was fields and forest; seems so long ago - but at least there are still the Deerpath forest preserves on the north side.

As for Errol Morris, he's #1 on my list of People Most Screwed By The Academy (#2 is, of course, Scorsese). His documentaries are beyond compare, helped immensely by his creation of a camera where the interviewee looks directly at both the lens and the interviewer, avoiding that stale 3/4 of the face look and creating a bizzare intimacy. His subjects are fascinaiting, the writing and editing pearless, and the music choices inspired. Hell, I could go on for hours; and now we'll soon have a Morris doc to really get people riled. His new movie, playing at Cannes, is a look at Robert McNamara, the Beancounter of the Vietnam War.

Regards,
Joseph

Mrs. Ellison, I received the books yesterday. Thank you! And thank you, Mr. Ellison, for signing them. I greatly appreciate it.

On another note, I received a catalog from Wesleyan University Press and on the first page found a book called "Envisioning the Future: Science Fiction and the Next Millennium". Under the list of contributers is Harlan Ellison, along with James Gunn, Walter Mosley, Kim Stanley Robinson and many more. It's apparently due out in September. I thought people would be interested in this.
Wesleyan Univ. Press also publishes a series called Early Classics of Science Fiction. Its website is www.wesleyan.edu/wespress

(Going back into lurkdom)
Debbie

Thompson, Ellison, Polito
I too was delighted to read some comments from HE in the Thompson biography a few years back. I'm no fan of Thompson; I haven't even read any of his novels. I read the bio because Robert Polito was a teacher of mine in college -- I studied Shakespeare and Renaissance British poetry under his tutelage.

A few weeks ago, I was rereading Robert Polito’s wonderful and award-winning biography of Jim Thompson, “Savage Art.” The bio includes some great remembrances by Mr. Ellison, poignant recreations of meetings with Thompson at All American Burger: Mr. E providing a sympathetic ear, as Thompson retraces the sorrows of a hard, tough-break life. I can’t recommend the book highly enough. Polito does a terrific job of capturing not only Thompson, but that fascinating world of mid-century paperback originals. Rereading the Ellison passages in the book made me pause and wonder, “Are there any pop culture legends our man hasn’t palled around with?”

This week, I had the opportunity to read some journals that belonged to another great, if lesser known, master of the American roman noir, Gil Brewer. Brewer was once king of the Fawcett Gold Medal suspenser. Some of his books – like “13 French St.” – sold in the millions. But when the market shifted and sales declined, publishers dropped him like a bad habit and his last days were even more tragic than Thompson’s (if you can believe that.) Anyway, I just thought Mr. E might want to know that while paging through a handwritten Brewer notebook from the mid-70s, I found a list of “writers to read,” and there amongst Jack London and William Faulkner and Henry Miller was the name “Harlan Ellison.”

To Scott Reeston, re Leuchter
I loved the Morris documentary on Leuchter. What I especially liked about it was the fact that I've encountered a _lot_ of people like Leuchter. No, not anti-Semites-- I don't think Leuchter picks up on that sort of thing. I mean people who seem to have a kind of ferocious Asperger's Syndrome. They dwell in this realm where a form of logic is ruthlessly applied, but they're utterly blind, deaf and dumb to the nuances and values that most of us take for granted.

Take the scene in the movie where Leuchter chats about the medical physics of execution. When he talks about the meat separating from the bone, I don't think he's trying to be contrary or to gross us out. He's talking about what is, to him, merely an engineering problem. He just doesn't see that an ordinary human being would find that appalling. And he really is in love with the physics and the engineering.

I see echoes of Leuchter in all sorts of odd ways. I run into it among SF fans, who dwell obsessively on the structures behind fantasy constructs. It turns up among people who create fantasy ideas of how economics works (Libertarians, for example), and who are so in love with the mechanical purity of these ideas that they refuse to understand that they don't work in the real world. For a really good example of this tendency, check out Charles Murray's _The Bell Curve_, where everything about our society, including anxieties about race, is rolled into this ridiculous index called "IQ." (I get the sense that Murray enjoys making money while promoting perverse ideas. Strikes me as a genuine scumbag, of course.)

DIANA:
This is a one-time response, dear heart. I go back to silence where you and I are concerned after this response. Sit quietly, I beg you; and just hear me out, sans attitude, if you can.

I mean you no harm. I have no malice toward you. If, when I note in a posting that, for instance, "there are people who appear here whose unconscious directives force them to seek adolescent attention," you must empty your mind of the false belief that I am necessarily referring to you in an oblique way. Truly, there are any number of others who come to my mind long before you pop in ... and that includes myself as an attention-seeking child. Yet even when I am silent, you convince yourself that you see maliciousness in what I post. I tell you again, and I tell you from the deepest well of Honesty to which I have access ... I have no ill will where you're concerned. You are probably, in person, a terrific person to chat with, and I suspect a loyal and determined friend. But when you get on this board, you go looking for trouble. I don't think you even do it consciously. When others have suggested that you might be happier with counseling or some mild medication, suggestions that at least half the time seem to me to have been made out of concern for you and the way you present yourself, you have flown into a virago rage. You are endlessly confrontational and contumelious. You pick annoying nits -- sometimes based on a lack of information of the point in question -- and you get everyone nuts. So they jump you. I chose not to get into that. I want you to be as happy and content as you wish to be; but for me, well, Diana, you're just too high-maintenance. I've got a world of shit to wade through every day, I'm dismayed and angered by a great deal of what goes on everywhere (The Dixie Chicks were again booed at a public gathering, the Country Music Awards, last night), and I simply don't have the additional stamina, interest, or time to play these ultimately soul-crushing verbal games with you. You get ME nuts, and I don't care for that. PLEASE stop reading malice or bear-poking into my replies to others. Go well, Diana; stay softly, live sweetly.

Respectfully, but finally, Harlan Ellison

Regarding photographic evidence of Harlan's sartorial elegance
Is it just me, or does Harlan look like a refugee from a Jack Kirby "Fantastic Four" comic? (All the photo needs is a dialogue bubble with the words, "IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!")

As for my Sheckley query: I guess it's like asking Harlan what he thinks of Robert Silverberg--it would take at least an essay-length post to do the subject justice, and I'm sure he doesn't have the time. I'll just check that NESFA collection out of the library, and let you know what I think. (With my luck, he'll be so spell-bindingly good, I'll feel like an idiot for not picking up on him sooner.)

I still think HE should consider an essay on fashion in the sci-fi/speculative world, using his own estimable memory of his past wardrobe as a starting point. Observations on other luminaries in the field would be great--wasn't Asimov fond of the bolo tie? Didn't Heinlein always wear dark suits? Inquiring minds want to know...

Weekend discovery: Frederick Pohl lives on the same block as my parents. My wife was walking the dog and saw the Gateway sign on their mailbox, and had a nice chat with his daughter, who was working in the yard. Apparently they've been there for years. Who would have thought one of the golden age greats would be living in Palatine, IL?

Brian:

Well, not saying much about Leuchter, except to mention Errol Morris and his wonderful documentary "Mr. Death", about this pathetic soul. I still can't see how he could make such a simple mistake in chemistry, one even I caught the first time around. The image of Leuchter, after the trial where he is discovered to have been an idiot in promoting that rubbish about not finding hydrogen cyanide at Auchswitz, sitting in a cheap rooming house, reminds me of one Matthew Carty, in "Pride In The profession", from "No Doors, No Windows", with both Morris and Ellison showing their characters meeting their crippling denouement in self-created hubris.

On the subject of "What Ellison's Wearing":

"I'm wearing a dark adobe-toned brushed suede jacket, wide collar, Eisenhower length, which I bought in Paris. It cost
me something like three hundred dollars in the late '60s, if I recall..."

There is a small photograph of the parton author adorning the back cover of the Ace Fiction rerelease of "Gentleman Junkie", where I surmise M. Ellison is wearing the same said jacket. (April 1983 release for the book, not the jacket). Good sir, I hope you abandoned the attempt at moustache.

As Stuperduck would say: "No need to thank me, my good man, I was just doing my duty." I'll likely get the same reciprocation Daffy received...

With that, Scott leaves, mentioning not mentioning the chuckle he received at reading the small errors made by those toward my person, pausing to mention; Guys, I hope more attention is paid to your driving than is paid to your reading. Dead ends can be difficult if not perceived correctly.

Scott

Holy God,

The man in the picture looks like David Hasselhoff's stunt double on "Knight Rider."

"KITT, I'm gonna need a turbo boost over that tractor trailer, buddy..."

"MICHAEL. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY CHASIS...."

That photo of HE Not In Leisure Suit looks like Lou Reed...!

Dear Mr Ellison,

A friend of mine suggested I should somehow express my distress to you over this situation. He seems to think it would help. I have no faith in that advise.

I think that might be a bad idea.

He's also suggested, at other times that I do just the opposite when dealing with you. That is, he's advised that I continue to present a cheerful and unperturbed front throughout regardless of how I've felt about how you've treated with me of late.

That was advise I felt I could follow.

I don't think I should be distressed. I don't think I should be effected by what you do or say. I don't think it would be a good idea to let you see that you've hurt me in any way, because I believe that's what you've been trying to do.

I tell myself, and I somewhat believe that it doesn't really matter. Nothing you do, or say or think has anything at all to do with my actual life. I can go out, and get some perspective, and shake it off.

But in the moment, like this one, partly because I'm tired, I know, but partly because it's *you*, I feel like I just can't go another round.

So I go to my friend, who is amazingly wise, and I ask him what I should do. I asked him again, because I didn't like the first answer, and he said I should do what he says. He says to do it well. But he says to do it.

I wish you would stop doing this. I wish you'd communicate with me at some point. Sometimes it distresses me greatly that you won't.

I think I should go outside, and take a walk, and forget this situation. No doubt I will. But my friend's a lot older than I am, and he's wise, and he says he's right, and that I should tell that you you've caused me pain, and tears in these last few days. So I'm saying it. He says not to make more of it all than it is, so I won't. But he says not to make less of it than it is either. So I won't.

I'm not sure that this isn't a really bad idea, I'm not sure that it is. But I am sure that's all I have to say at the moment.

Diana

coming attractions (and there's more than one way to take that!)

Hey, I have no problem with tough criticism. Bring it on. I've had too much lousy criticism on this book -- flaccid, cliched, far-too-personally motivated though masquerading as semi-objectivity. But this is not the place. Post it to me privately.

As for humorless snoot-in-the-airs, I have got a story about a certain one that puts me to shame, which I just heard for the first time this evening from another published writer I was interviewing, but it will have to wait a day or two before it gets posted here; I have to make sure I get all the details straight. . . .

I Married A Smartass!

Worse than marrying a communist, I assure you.

David, and Jim Hess: First, Mr. Ellison has said it perfectly. Scott is often like that, but not to the point where it is cruel baiting. He wants you to know that he has paid you the respect of listening, regarding your opinion enough to purchase the item, but not in any way that would make you feel that respect. Yes, I know, Scotty works in mysterious ways. The man I married has pronounced to the world he wears an ensign of disbelief in the forces that run the world, showing that disdain as often as possible. I happy to say, however, that the outer shell of the husband's self-professed cynicism hides a man who would go through hell for a friend in need or who'd pull down the moon for his children or wife on their whim, and not ask renumeration for the trip or the effort. If he bought your book, David, it's because he respects, if not likes you. However, don't feel any undue umbrage should he criticize it. He would feel himself he wouldn't be doing you any favour by falsely praising it, if the quality of the writing wasn't up to snuff. He'd want you to have an honest opinion, again rising from respect, to help you to be a better writer.

I know it might be making trouble, but Scotty himself would admit to making some hostile comments about "Doomsman", if I'm remembering the title correctly. I haven't read it myself, but Scotty has advised against it.

If you don't mind a bit of advice from one running a cottage industry:

Who cares why they bought it? TAKE THE ROYALTY CHEQUE AND RUN!!!!

Of course, getting Scotty to admit to actually liking you, well, you have a better chance pulling teeth from a rabid and hungry bear's mouth without anesthetic. He's always had that difficulty, at least for as long as I've known him.

Don't worry about him reading your posts. He won't take offense, just read it in bemusement and then give it the shrug and half-smile he does. He's much harder on himself in viewing his errors toward a friend than on most slights a friend would do to him (within limits).

Now, if all will excuse, I'll finish my camomile then chase a bit of sleep. 100 teapots now sit in bisque, and I'm done in.

Good Night and Love to all, Melissa

Thanks
Damn flattering reply, Harlan. But to be frank, _asking_ the Leuchter question was tough work. You see, the one time I met you, at a comics con here in Philly, I was tempted to ask you that very same question. I didn't, because it occurred to me that, if a total stranger walked up to you and asked that question, it'd seem like that stranger was looking for a strange kind of argument. That's why I said that the answer didn't affect your story at all-- to show that this was just curiosity about a minor point, and was definitely not a referendum on anything.

Also, it was in a line to get books signed, and I didn't want to hog your attention with so many other people waiting.

But man, it's nice to know I've _impressed_ you, even if it is just about questions.

JIM HESS: Hold the bus! as The Banana Splits used to say. Nobody so far has said they didn't like the Prokosch. Scotty was being his inimitable sillyself, asking if Loftus and I would refund his purchase prices should he not fancy the books he'd bought via David's and my recommendations. HE WASN'T SERIOUS. (Though I have a whisker of suspicion that that humorless, snoot-in-the-air Loftus thought he was. Hah, that for you, Davey!)

BRIAN SIANO: My silence on your queries is not my usual "I do not choose to run" empassing cape-swirl. The problem with your questions, kiddo, is that they're really VERY GOOD questions, virtually every one of them. The problem with your questions is that you can ask them in a TV Guide log-line, and it takes me four hours to answer them properly. Which task daunts me. I'm asked by someone what I think of Sheckley, who has been a close friend for almost fifty years ... with whom I've collaborated on one of my favorite stories ... who has lived with me ... for whom I've hustled and agented when times were tough for him ... and then the Webderdude asks me to recommend where he should start in the Sheckley canon. Then you ask me if I don't think my writing has metamorphosed in recent years, a poser that is a TERRIFIC question, but requires damn near an essay to explicate properly. Yeah, I do think it has, but that's what I want it to do. I am a writing artifact in process, and probably will be till I go down for the last nap. And I'd have to go into the influence of Borges on stories of recent vintage like "The Toad Prince, or, Sex-Queen of the Martian Pleasure Domes" or "Never Send to Know For Whom the Lettuce Wilts" as opposed to "Objects of Desire in the Mirror are Closer Than They Appear" which each have a radically different agenda. So you see, apart from an easy lay-up such as saying that I hadn't heard of Fred A. Leuchter's fascinating career before I wrote "Mefisto in Onyx," and only came to the most cursory knowledge of him even then because he had created the electric chair in Alabama that I selected as the venue for my story (because most states have outlawed the hot squat), most of your questions are simple to ask, but longwinded to answer. So I sigh and say, "Later for you, Siano." But it's not because they aren't interesting queries. As I said: it's because they ARE smart queries.

Wearily, Harlan

Harlan and Susan:

The books arrived today. Thanks for the dedication, Harlan. It was a nice and unexpected surprise. Wait til my wife sees it (she just walked through the door as I write this).Hope the package arrived A-OK today.

Alejandro

Someone DIDN'T like "The Seven Who Fled"?

Well. There it is. The sign humanity is circling the cosmic drain.

Anyway, just popped to mention to those interested that the latest (or thereabouts) issue of "The Bloomsbury Review" has comment by Harlan (remember him? The guy this space is supposed to be about?) about the late, great Tom Auer.

Pick up a copy. Or two.

Added a link to the picture of Harlan NOT in a leisure suit. Enterprising clickers can probably find it on this page. Also fixed Loftus's carriage-return laden post.

Scott asked:

> What's the process for refunds if these books don't pass muster?

I hope you're joking. You can't seriously be asking me for a refund on a book I didn't sell you. How many other authors do you expect to pay you back for taking a chance on their book and not liking the result?

Besides, I don't think I ever urged you or anyone else to read my book. I have only been informing people that it's available IF they're interested in the topic (or feel like giving me a little support), and taking some pride (justifiable, I would hope) whenever public approbation is voiced.

I don't claim that mine is a great book, or even a necessary one. My main reason for wanting people to buy it is to establish some basis for my trying to assure prospective publishers that my future work -- none of which is likely to be on the same subject, or anywhere near it -- also has the potential to sell.
I buy books by friends and people I've met that I never get around to reading, because I want to support them. I would have hoped you purchased mine in something of the same spirit, if you aren't all that interested in the subject matter.

Use my powers for good? Never! (or, contemplation of a naked HE)
Ah, Mr. Ellison, good to know I can still get a rise out of ya, even from this far away. I admire your detective work: the edition of Ellison Wonderland was published in Britain and it was sent to me as a Christmas gift by a friend who lives in Hull. I had no idea it was rare (though I'm sure Barney has one).

You're never going to let me live down that "See! He ain't gonna sit with us!" are you? You do know why I said that, though, don't you? It's because when I cut the line at the autograph table and asked if you still planned to sit with us, you cussed me soundly and told me I had a short attention span. I was merely noting to the group the irony of your subsequent decision NOT TO SIT WITH US, after you'd insulted my ancestry AND my ability to retain a thought. It was not merely "glass is half empty-itis," it was the exercise of my rather overactive capacity for pointing out irony. I think said urge lies on the English teacher gene, right between a compulsive loathing of people who spell "definitely" wrong and a violent hatred of people who write things like "it's a secret between him and I."

So the leisure suit comment, perhaps, was my unconscious rearing its ugly little noggin saying, "See? He didn't sit with us AND he had a leisure suit on at some point in his life! Ha." But I stand corrected on this particular issue of a habit-assery, as I believe it is spelled for those who are bored and thus obsessed with such minutiae.

Your adoring fan,
P.A. Berman

PS--I'm e-mailing Rick a scan of the photo for everyone's scrutiny and viewing pleasure. Oooh, aaah! Anything for youse guys.

Free Nude Ellison with This Box!

I'll apologize quickly for both the second post, and the crude entendre within the title.

Actually, M. Ellison, I have two of the three editions of "Sex Gang", and well, while the writing isn't your best, it's better than other writing I've experienced. Permit me to not mention the three Harlequin and two "Nurse in Love" romances I've endured so I might be able to criticize their horrendously awful writing, sans being accused of being a Bob Dole-style hypocrite.

So's not to force Barney into toil I can do for myself, I'll happily search both my own collection, and then online to find out more about the series mentioned. No, I don't mind the idea of good writers creating smut. Hell, I'm one who wouldn't mind there being quality plot development and interesting characters displayed amongst the sounds of ripping lingerie, the repeating click of closing handcuffs and the violent smack of sweaty bodies colliding...

Perot didn't have much imagination when he spoke of a giant sucking sound.

Rick: Out of curiosity, the wife asked if the new board will entail paying membership, so that we can decide on whether or not to invest. Personally, I'm one who always wondered if you shouldn't have solicited some funds from us sooner, for both financial and emotional duress we've probably created for you at various points in time.

Like what I'm probably creating now.

Scott

P.S. SCOTT: An easy one to answer. No, I never wrote any real pornography. Closest thing to it was the creation of Nightstand Books (for which Silverberg, Larry Block, and other now-famous writers wrote their erotica) back in 1961. I plotted out hundreds of the books for Scott Meredith clients of the time, and though they were "scandalous" at the time -- the hidebound stick-up-the-ass '50s in which Playboy and Rogue were causes celebres -- they are so primly post-Victorian in their similes and metaphors as to be embarrassingly trashlike when read today.

I assembled a collection of "bawdy" stories I'd written for the various men's magazines in the mid-'50s for Nightstand under the title SEX GANG and the pseudonym Paul Merchant, but the stories are so awful, and the writing so juvenile, and the "sex" so mild, well, if you can even FIND a copy of one of the three (3) printings it went through, any copy will cost you an arm and a leg. I mean it. The prices I see for that stupid 50 cent paperback on e.bay make my head swim. Hundreds and thousands of bucks--not a cent of which I get--for something that is little better than bottom filler for a birdcage. But apart from that, I never wrote any of the hard stuff. Most of this story is known to longtime readers of the Ellison canon, but if you want more specifics, ask Barney Dannelke to post the info. -- he

"Headline:

NOTED AUTHOR HARLAN ELLISON ARRESTED FOR MOONING FANS...

One witness, Mrs Talliah Myers, blinded by the light, says she will sue Ellison for damages. In a related incident, her husband Mr David Myers named Mr Ellison in a divorce suit, claiming Ellison's baring of his ass (and etcetera) are responsible for the alienation of Mrs Myers affections..."

Dear Mr Ellison,

Have mercy.


"She"

SCOTT: Better than a money-back guarantee on THE SEVEN WHO FLED: If you don't find it exemplary, a book you'll read and reread from this day forward, tell me how much you want to "make you whole," and I'll send you a check posthaste, including the postage it takes for you to mail it to me. You can even tack on a buck or two, thus giving you a modest profit for your time invested. I can always use an extra copy. Seriously. --he

You all need help. Warm milk all around.

and then two seconds later I realised my post was a bit impolite, question being directed straight to HE, after all. Excuse me.
I love the part where he drives through the rain, and he smells the orchids.

about mephisto in onyx
hi Brian,
I don't believe there is any intentional irony in the ending. I see where is the oddness you mean, but I don't feel the nasty joke on him, not because of any kind of internal logic within the plot but because there was nothing in the tone and treatment of the character that suggested he would be subject to it. The narrative isn't steering the reader in that direction.

Naiki

Ellison Ensuited
If someone wants to e-mail me a scan of the photo in question or otherwise get it into my possession (I do have a scanner), I'll be happy to post it. Don't have time to do much else as I have been busy working on the Sooper Seekrit Bulletin Board 2.0 (more details forthcoming soon), but I can at least do dat...

Harlan, now that the mystery of the Alleged Leisure Suit of Doom is resolved, would you mind if I re-asked a question I posted a while back?

It was about a reference in your story _Mefisto in Onyx_, to an electric chair built by the Fred A. Leuchter corporation. I'd mentioned that, when I saw the reference, it popped for me because I was pretty aware of Leuchter's prominence among Holocaust Revisionists. My question was whether you knew about Leuchter's second claim to fame when you wrote that story. (It makes no difference for the story, or for yourself, if you did or didn't. I only knew about him because I'd done a few columns about those creeps for _The Humanist_. I'm just curious.)

And while I'm at it, I'll ask a question that reveals a big area of my own ignorance. There's something about the ending of _Mefisto_ that loses me. I know what happens, of course. But it's what the character _learns_ that escapes me. It's implied that he's going to change those aspects of himself that are holding him back, i.e., getting out of his own way, but his victory comes through, well, switching from black to white-- sort of the ultimate "passing." I hate admitting this, but I get the sense there's a really nasty joke in that ending that I'm not getting. I confess my ignorance, and humbly ask for enlightenment.

Harlan: Thanks for causing coffee to shoot out of my nose. Maybe the 'what's Harlan Ellison wearing in the headshot' test could replace the Rorschach as a psychological test -- especially as it now causes me to ask the question 'What type of leather jacket is that on the back of the 1983 Ace paperback _Gentleman Junkie and Other Stories of the Hung-up Generation_?' The land of trading cards awaits...

Scott: The Masters of Comic Book Art would probably be the more satisfying volume for someone who doesn't read comic books that much. Nice sections on Richard Corben, Druillet and others, and a really great section on Barry Windsor-Smith that focuses more on his Pre-Raphaelite-influenced prints than his early Conan work. On the other hand, the Golden Age... volume was meant to supply useable 'plates' for removal and mounting, meaning the backs of the reproductions are mostly blank.

Now if I can only get that copy of _The Great Canadian Comic Books_ away from my hometown library, where the text languishes in storage...

Damn, I wish someone would do an archive series of Nelvana or Freelance so that I could actually read the damn things without travelling to a rare books facility.

Cheers, Jon

Given how the typical science fiction convention exhibits some of the lowest presentations of fashion acumen, probably only rivaled by what you might see at an competitive chess open, I think this one definitely deserves a fuller treatment in the next book of essays.

Sleepless nights indeed, perhaps wrapped in a satin jalaba, while the wife snoozes happily in the lastest flannel offering from Nick and Nora...

Nope, I'm not even gonna TOUCH this one. (Well, except to suggest that Rick post the offending photo in the gallery section, ASAP.)

Harlan, any thoughts on Robert Sheckley you'd like to share? It's embarrassing to admit, but I've never read much of his work beyond the odd short story or two. NESFA just published a collection of his novels that I'd like to check out, but if you have any other suggestions for the Sheckley neophyte, that would be terrific. He's often included in the same camp as Douglas Adams, Kurt Vonnegut and William Tenn, but is that truly accurate? Or is that typical know-nothing critical blather?

Jim (who still owns a auburn-colored Members Only jacket)

Humour Is Always in Fashion, Or:

Shaving with Occam's Razor Is Likely to Result in Nicks...

M. Ellison:

Did have a bit of a chuckle regarding the Sysiphian effort to discern what the fashionable writer was (is, will be) wearing to impress upon the reader of the necessity to be trendy, but, als, sir you've been bested by the manic efforts by Bern in things jocular. Must admit, Xan brought a good laugh to myself and Mel over his exploits in MiniPutt land (here's hoping the magistrate is a frustrated short-holer himself, turning to the law as career when he found out he wasn't good enough to make the Professional Miniature Golf Association (Yep, it does exist: http://www.thepmga.com).

Jon: Know what? I have neither of the books you've mentioned, but a search has given me a bit of a look at one of the tomes, an Abebooks search has listed a few at good prices. If I buy, I'll let you know what I think.

M. Ellison & David Loftus: Have received "The Seven Who Fled", and have gotten to "Watching Sex" (that came out sounding weird. I prefer participation to watching sex, but I'm digressing and the humour might be too dry...). What's the process for refunds if these books don't pass muster?

Of course, you're talking to a guy who's bought and liked Farmer's "The Image of the Beast".

Brings me to a question, good patron author, prompted by your mentioning of full frontal nudity. Have you ever, as writers like Robert Silverberg, Barry Malzberg, or Andrew J. Offutt have, written pornography under psuedonym? Many did to help pay bills during times of financial struggle, and was wondering if you'd tried same.

If you had, any titles I might look for?

I'm not naked under this raincoat, leers Scott

P.A. BERMAN and JON STOVER:

The "mystery" (such as it was) of the mythical "leisure suit" is solved. With some amateur vest-pocket psychoanalysis thrown in for good measure. Herewith.

When Ms. Berman made her original post about the alleged leisure suit I was alleged to be wearing in the alleged author photo of the alleged SF Book Club hardcover edition of ELLISON WONDERLAND, I knew without a smidge of a doubt that such a thing could not possibly be, as I have never never never owned one of those hideous polyester, double-waffleknit, marching moron suits.

But there WAS something clangorous and out of synch in the post, and I couldn't put my finger on it till this morning. Then...the ah-ha epiphany!(Granting, in front, that ALL of this is moot and inconsequential to the submolecular level of silliness.)

There WAS NO Science Fiction Book Club hardcover edition of ELLISON WONDERLAND. Not the SF Book Club begun by Doubleday fifty years ago, at any rate. ELLISON WONDERLAND had been a paperback original from the long-defunct Paperback Library, reprinted by several different paperback publishers over the years; but no American hardcover had ever been done, SFBC or otherwise. So what the hell was Berman (and later Stover) looking at? Clearly, it existed, because each of them was holding the book in hand when they wrote their comments. But I KNEW there was no SFBC edition! Quelle surprise!

The only time ELLISON WONDERLAND had been done in any kind of hardcover edition was as one of the four titles in the programme undertaken by Millington in the U.K. decades and decades ago. But not even they were ever reprised by the SFBC here in the States, so what the hell...

Ah ha! For a short time, there was a >BRITISH< SF Book Club. Thin little volumes with tacky one-color covers. and THEY had done a reprint of the Millington. So what PA had scored was one of the rare, little-seen UK SFBC editions. Now it began to make some sense to me. How obscure, how far long ago.

It only took me a half hour to locate my copy of the book in the chronological shelving of my work (that fills two rooms). And when I took it down, I saw the photo PA had used to slur me so viciously. To break my heart and hold me up to derision by my bon vivant readers and peers. And, as usual in the universe I rule so charmingly, so benificently, I was right. That ain't no leisure suit I've got on, in the photo. Not even close. In fact, I'm not even wearing a suit. Ah ha!

The UK SFBC edition was published in 1979. The photo looks to have been taken sometime in the late '60s/early 1970s. It's a head shot, and all you can see is my head, my abundant hair, my shoulders, and a bit of my gesticulating hand. The collar of what I'm wearing is turned up, and I've got on a pair of aviator-style tint-lensed glasses. What I'm WEARING, however, is what concerns us here and, since I know those particular items of clothing extra well from memory, I will herewith straighten out them Webderfolks as be smarmissmy disuspectin' my habitashry (to quote Pogo). Habeas Dashuary, your 'torney would call it.

The shirt was a dark blue, long-sleeved, cotton in a "western" style, which accounts for the white stitching. It is open at the throat. Over it, I am wearing a sleeveless pullover v-neck sweater, figural in white and blue, made in Ireland. I believe it is cashmere, but I could be wrong about that. And over both of those, I'm wearing a dark adobe-toned brushed suede jacket, wide collar, Eisenhower length, which I bought in Paris. It cost
me something like three hundred dollars in the late '60s, if I recall. (Ironically, I gave that jacket to my good friend, the writer, Norman spinrad, some years ago. Norman is now living in Paris, so the jacket has gone full circle.) It was a beautiful piece of clothing, and looked as good when I gave it to Norman as it did the day I bought it.

Now. The interesting thing about this photo -- use the "little grey cells" as Hercule Poirot put it -- is that ALL one can see is a head shot and shoulders, and there is absolutely no way of telling if that younger Ellison is wearing what I've described, or a "leisure suit," as PA surmised, or a dickey and kilt. (But fer damn shure it could never POSSIBLY look like a safari suit, Stover.) So, safari suit aside, I can see where Berman might leap to the cursory opinion that it was a leisure suit. But the suit species is not what is at issue here, is it? (Ah, now we come to the subtext.)(Deep and swift and murky run the underground rivers of PA Berman's nethermind.)

Remember the "See, I told you he wouldn't sit with us," remark at the I-Con, PA? That which assumed without substantive or substantiating evidence? That which self-fulfilled your anxiety and supported a "glass is half-empty" view of the universe? Here it is again, so clouded over and unconscious you may well not perceive it as such, even when it's pointed out to you. It is praising with faint damns. And it is so subtle, but so wise a piece of psychological Fifth Columnism, that it punches a button and requires me to defend against it. Very little vanity festers in a man on the cusp of seventy, dear PA, but having once been a clothes horse, and having taken (as I still do) enormous pride in being "well turned out," the mere suggestion that I would be caught dead in something as tacky and culturally clownish (even today) as a leisure suit, pushes a button so cleverly hidden that not until this morning did I recognize how adept you are at this ploy. And, mark me, I'm not even remotely suggesting you knew what you were doing. You did it Jekyll-Hyde instinctively. And, obviously, it worked. you got me. I have spent an hour defending not only that which neeeds no defense, but explaining and hammering at it. How tragic am I?

You're good, PA. I'll give you that. Now, if you can get your conscious mind to understand what your unconscious is doing, and turn this vast power to Good rather than Evil, well, you'll have harnessed a superior force for the betterment of all humankind.

Respectfully, yet sitting here naked, Harlan

Matrix rehashed...er... Reloaded
I was very good. I let MI COMPADRE who is unfamiliar with the genre point out to ME the "MINORITY REPORT" derivative. And he only saw the movie.

(Ah, what WON'T I do for something that passes as luv?)

He was ALMOST on to me when I answered the what do people in power want question along with the dialogue

To all Frank-ophiles

Noam Chomsky's new CD, "The New War on Terrorism," is available from www.alternativetentacles.com

Maybe we can't know Frank, but we can know what moves him...

Susan:

"QUESTION: Forrester. Do you want your books signed to you or to you and your wife. Please let me know via this message board."

Susan, if you and HimsElf (the both of you, please) would sign said books to Joyce, my wife the doctor, die-hard baseball fan and keeper of scorebooks Dr. J., my better half, my significant other, my soulmate, the one around whom my reality coalesces, educator of children (including me), saver of stray dogs (again, including me)… okay, okay, I’ll stop.

Susan, if you and Harlan would please sign & date the books
“To Joyce (the “Lady of Destiny”), on behalf of ... Happy Anniversary” I would be eternally grateful.

Thank you for asking.

Forrester

PAB: I'm tempted to say "safari suit", but looking at the photo again, it also wouldn't look out of place if Harlan were appearing with Jon Pertwee's Doctor Who in some until-now undiscovered episode of that series.

Scott: Your bit about other sf art books caused me to pull out _Masters of Comic Book Art_ and _The Golden Age of Comic Books: 1937-1945_ for a perusal. They don't make 'em like they used to -- and I include the superhero named the Green Giant in that assessment.

Cheers, Jon

A Day in the Life...

Chuck - I'm honored you found something of value in my post - feel free to purloin any of it you desire. I'd been content to simply lurk (well, content is probably not the most accurate descriptor, but we'll go with it), but Bruce's insistence on invoking a "higher power" as the ultimate and only well-spring of creative inspiration compelled me to unlurk for the duration of a post. I had fully intended to fade back into lurkdom (I know my posts, my "voice", works best as that of "loyal opposition" - the fact that this board is not the hot-bed of contention that other was, as well as the stated guides to associate the board with things Ellisonian, has meant there is simply no need for me to post very much at all.), but your kind words (as well as Scott's), compelled me to return again to thank you both for being so gracious.

Scott - Thank you as well. I took your advice, went with the 1 Wood and managed to hook the ball into a small child waiting in line for ice-cream. I ended up ruining the club while fending off the enraged father-type guy (who seemed to think my falling down, laughing hysterically at the size of the lump on the youngster's noggin was an affront of some sort. I tried to tell them that the kids don't get nearly as upset at a percieved "hurt" if you laugh at it with them instead of clucking and looking concerned, but he seemed intent on murder.... Some people just can't accept good parenting advice when they get it, can they?). Anyway, I escaped after an Errol Flynn-like duel across half of the parking lot. (Let me just say, knowing how to leap onto a soft-top convertable from an SUV made all the difference. He didn't, and despite a slower general running speed, I bounced off a structural member while he dropped into the rear passenger-side seat. As he untangled himself from the denim-like material and the somewhat amorous advances of a little fuzzy dog, I made my escape in a pimped-out 1995 Saturn SL1...) I didn't beat Eleven, but seeing the guy's face as I activated the air shocks and bounced on past him to the liquid strains of Mr. Mister album, _Welcome to the Real World_ was worth it. (I'll say watching the little mop humping his leg for all it was worth put a smile on my face, too)

While they charged me for the damaged club, and I can't show my face in that county any more (the charges were less that a class C felony, so the police won't actively pursue me around the state - I just have to avoid general traffic stops and my recent weekend visits to the local drunk-tank - do you know if Betty Ford has a bulk rate plan?), I have to say: all in all, a good time was had by most.

Take care all, I may mostly lurk, but I'll be around if you ever need me - all you have to do is whistle - you know how to whistle, don't you? I thought so...

Bern

P.S. Cindy - if you need a shoulder - my email is above.

Just a quick note to say that I finally happened to glance at Cindy's e-mail address and it's the funniest thing ever. She's the best person in the world.

Stacks of Wax
To Rick, or whoever is responsible for that fantastic trip:

What a nice little wander through old laels, before companies and conglomerates began to take music and make it into an erzatz sound-alike competiton. I really enjoyed going through the garden, and any others take a boo to see what's about.

I don't have many of those labels, but a lot of envy for the collector. Do have a Mar-keys single, bought at a rather exorbiant price, but most of my 45's are old Buddha, Tamlas, Parlophones and Brunswicks (got every original Who single on that label).

Looks like I'll be hunting...

Ellison at Leisure: I'll have to see the back cover of Wonderland, so see what the froofarah is about. I just remember the patron author on the back cover of "Alone Against Tomorrow", in the leather jacket, strutting a pose right out of the Sears catalogue.

Yeah? You call that a knife? Bring it on...

Scott

Shit!

Last time I drink and post-- broke the one per day rule AND made an ass of myself.

I fine myself two days.

Sorry y'all,won't happen again.

:)
Cindy

Respectfully, Mr. Ellison, what do you call it? It looks like a denim suit with really prominent white stitching and an enormous collar. I guess that the key component of a leisure suit is polyester, so if that snazzy outfit was made from all-natural fibers, than I stand corrected (please don't cut me!).

But adding in the fluffy hair...you look much more dashing now.

PAB

And *That's* What It's All About


Dear Mr Ellison,

Regarding:

"Get someone who actually understands the proper nomenclature for {habadashery}..."

Maybe *you* should get someone who actually knows how to spell "haberdashery" correctly? Just a suggestion.

Sincerely,

Diana

(haberdashery.
hab·er·dash·er·y ( P ) Pronunciation Key (hbr-dsh-r)
n. pl. hab·er·dash·er·ies
A haberdasher's shop.
The goods and wares sold by a haberdasher.


Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition
Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.)

Well then and I got my answer.

I'm sorry-- shouldn't have pressed. At times that which I want outweighs my good sense.

A thousand pardons and I'll mention it no more.

It's been a long day. An old friend who struggled against the demons of alcoholism lost. He hit a wall-- literally and now he's gone, leaving a young wife and two little girls.

At times life is such a dream-- these things come as jolt.

BERMAN:

I have NEVER EVER owned a leisure suit. Sheeet, woman, Nixon's thugs wore those goddam ugly uniforms. There are a lot of slurs and calumny I'll tolerate, but owning a leisure suit ain't one of them. Get someone who actually understands the proper nomenclature for habadashery (as opposed to those who just call things whatever comes to mind, a process we call "talking out of your ass,") and have them look at that photo, and let them tell you what I'm actually wearing, which is NOT a fuckin' leisure suit!

Cheerfully (see I'm smiling...see, you can catch the reflection of it in this kris I'm holding at your throat), Harlan.

So, saw Matrix Reloaded tonight. While I think it's a strong second chapter, I just had to note something very interesting to me (and maybe just me). Pay attention to the significance of names. Besides the obvious ones like Keymaster (and I amused myself by imagining he was a descendant of a rogue Mac Keychain program), look at names like Merovingian and Seraph. It's just a nice continuation of the name & number jokes from the first movie. Hell, anyone who names a charactyer Merovingian - and knows exactly why they named him that - is reaching higher than a lot of screenwriters.

That said, I'm going to miss Gloria Foster as the Oracle. She had a wonderful charm that stole scenes like crazy (huh - never knew she trained at Goodman).

Regards,
Joseph

P.S. The Smash & Go Hulk arrived today, and it is about the most amusing toy I've ever had. Go Hulk go!

TONY, old friend:

They got here today in mint condition. Muchas gracias, asai.

Harlan

Harlan,

Received the $11 today for the 3 Justice League toys. UPS tracking says the package was left on your porch today, so if you didn't receive it, please let me know.

Bests,

Tony

USA
Harlan,
I know of your affinity for this board, while the other board (we'll call it the Easau board) is not your pick for clear and obvious reasons.

You know that Rick will do as you ask because of the great respect and affection he has for you.

Would you please ask him to open the door to the Easau board so that I might escape this cramped bottle?

It is a lovely pavillion and the pace is relaxing and comfortable... but I pine for the frenetic activity of the black and yellow-- more acutely than my words can convey. I want to be contrary on occasion. I'd like to tell them that Jessica Lynch's story does not seem as cut and dried as some would have it. I want to argue on occasion and put my two centavos out there for the others to argue against. They illuminate other paths of thought and I do miss it all.

I know I ask for the moon-- but if the black and yellow came back for business- your pavillion would slow down once more to a Mississippi Delta pace-- y'all could float down the river with the quiet erudite comments of the nobility-- leaving the poolroom brawls on the other side of the wall where they will disturb you only when you've a yen for something abrasive or disconcerting.


What say-- do an old friend a favor? After all it IS the original home of your flyin' blue monkeys.


STILL and all-- not MY will but thine be done.
:)

yer pal,
Cindy

Ben,

Don't forget my mention of the Holmes story, The Adventure of the Yellow Face. Holmes thought he was on to a juicy case of blackmail. It turned out to be something completely innocent. The truth was revealed just seconds before Holmes would have utterly embarrassed himself in front of his client. Holmes took credit for solving the case, collected his fee and later told Watson if it ever seemed he was getting a little too full of himself, that Watson should remind him of this case. I think there were one or two other stories where Holmes lost out one way or another, but I don't remember them off the top of my head.

And there was one story where Holmes kicked the bad guy's ass all over a pub.

Chuck

I got a copy of ELLISON WONDERLAND, the hardcover Science Fiction Book Club edition, and the picture of Ellison on the dust jacket is way too hep and cool for me. Whoa, Harlan sporting a fluffy 70s 'do and a leisure suit! Far out. Once I reread it, maybe I'll have some incisive Ellison-related commentary. I will say that, during my illness, I reread DEATHBIRD STORIES and it was a great, if perverse, comfort.

OK, Frank, so you're not telling. I'll get over it. ::sniff::

As for MATRIX: RELOADED-- I really enjoyed it. I very badly needed to get my mind off real life for about 2.5 hours on Saturday night, and it was the perfect antidote to navel-gazing. My favorite characters were the Merovingian and Persephone. That was easily the best part of the movie. The Architect made my head hurt-- do you think the Wachowskis told him to speak as quickly as the average auctioneer? Whew. Anyway, it hit the spot for me.

ROB,

Thank you for updating me on the number of losses Holmes has suffered in his stories. (next to none). It's made me ponder just how exciting or dramatic you could make a character who...well...wins all the time. Take away the fame clouding Sherlock and his classic bearings, and you'd have the story dynamics of a G.I. JOE cartoon.

I really should finish the job I started five years ago and complete THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES, if only to feel more accomplished and self-congratulatory.

BRIAN,

THE MATRIX RELOADED was technically incredible, there's no way one could deny that. But...not much else. I was just kind of sitting there throughout the whole movie, and by the end I felt...drained. Spiritually depleted. Dreary and empty all at once. I kept praying one of the characters would bump into a wall or something while wearing those stupid black shades. Still, Agent Smith was a nice stand-out. He has a strange, sardonic naughtiness that distinguishes him from all the other mannequins in the movie...not to mention his new power was quite terrifying.

My real, straight, untainted feelings about THE MATRIX RELOADED can be seen in my (slightly altered) version of a conversation from the film:

"Not everyone believes what you believe."

"My beliefs do not require that they do."

"...uh...okay...so...you believe that your belief has to believe what you believe?"

"No, I mean that no one else has to believe in what I believe unless they choose to believe in my beliefs."

"...what were we just talking about?"

"Shit, beats me, dude."

David Loftus - I am truly sorry to have missed such a chance! I was planning, really, on asking if anyone active on the board lived in the cities I went through on my trip out to Montana - San Fran, Portland, Seattle, Couer d'Alene, Missoula...and suddenly the movers came and stole away my computer. You know how it goes: "I've got three weeks! No need to hurry." Then, "I've got three days! Time enough." Then, "Three hours, more than enough time to make a post."

Yep. Ms. Procrastinator of the Year. ;) I'll more than likely be back through, though, and I promise to give a heads up.

--Zoë Rose

Harlan:

I've been away the past two weeks and just now saw your May 14 post. Glad to hear you received the (2) McSweeney's. If I can ever again be of service…

Best,
Ray

Winnie Le Pooh


Dear Mr Ellison,

If you're still feeling light hearted, and glad to be alive (I hope, you are) or even if you're not but would like to again, you might enjoy reading a little of Benjamin Hoff's, The Tao of Pooh. You can download it (for free) or read it on site, at the following url:

http://spoerlein.iwarp.com/pooh1.html .

Or (which I think would be better for the author, and nicer for you, since you'd then have the book to hold) you can readily buy it somewhere. You can probably get it as a book-on-tape too (if you had the recording you could listen to it while leaving your hands free to play with your Hulk dolly. I mean "action figure").

Sincerely,

Diana

Harlan:

The package is on its way. Priority First Class, sent to your P.O. Box. Should be there by Wednesday, no later than Thursday. You only need to reimburse postage, that's all. Don't worry about the rest. The CD is more than enough.

Alejandro

Harlan:

The package is on its way. Priority First Class, sent to your P.O. Box. Should be there by Wednesday, no later than Thursday. You only need to reimburse postage, that's all. Don't worry about the rest. The CD is more than enough.

Alejandro

When you are passing through. . . .
Zoë Rose --

The next time you come through town with the intention of dropping into Powell's to look for Ellisons, do drop me an advance notice by email; I live 10 blocks from Powell's and would enjoy sharing a latte (the much beloved Ann Hughes coffee shop that used to occupy the NW corner of the first floor of Powell's closed up after several decades, but World Cup Coffee, whose home base is one block from my home, will open an undoubtedly more spiffy outfit in the same spot within the month) or a beer or something up the street, with another Webderlander.

That goes for fer allayuz.

Sitting at the "Chuck and Bill"

I'm having the expresso...Hey, "Rococo Roadkill Surprise"!

XanBern: Love reading your posts, even though they often make my self-indulgent chicken scratches seem extremely spurious. Couldn't respond yesterday, having not enough caffeine in the sytem to phrase response (Definite three cuppa, myself wanting to be awake.). Makes a great precis on the relationship between creator and created, one giving the writer much deserved respect both for the effort and design of the work, and the cursing chore of subjecting himself to the myriad frustrating challenges to that work created by readers and critics.

As for myself, the question of the relationship between creator is created is summed up in witnessing the process engaged by the wife as she slices off a brick of clay, then pounding it in a small violence against the wheel. The rhythm of her foot prompting spin; the hands wetted to slowly press the clay into desired shape; the pressure extended being just enough to bend, not force, the mud into what she desires it to be. Even more, the time taken by Mel to hone her craft leaves her often shaping items more with intutition than with conscious thought, the instinct of design within the practiced hand negating the need for the mind to direct the action.

I don't believe the writer or the potter are all that different, other than at the issue of the item created. Obviously, try holding tea in the manuscript for a novella, or writing "War and Peace" on the side of a vase in glaze. But, within the idea of process, the transference of thought, effort and trained discipline to create, I don't see much difference at all.

I've got to say that your post puts to mind the work of Borges, and his deconstructions of the fantastic, especially "The Library of Babel" or "Tlön, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius", amongst so much of his work. Funny, but had you been reading "Pierre Menard, Author of the Quixote" lately?

BTW, a bit of advice from a erstwhile duffer, vis à vis the 11th. Go to the 1 Wood, and blast it. The force required to shatter the blades of the mill would assure that you lay up close, and then an easy two.

Sorry Xan, but there must be a home for the spurious, too...

Scott

Response to KathyM
Thanks for your note, KathyM.

By the way, since your looking, I really recommend Harlan's Deathbird Stories. Check out the award-winning "On the Downhill Side" if you want to see an interesting psychological and metaphoric take on the afterlife. It's a rapturously beautiful story--style, character, content--everything!

Help me out folks!!! Whenever my parents bring me a new toy, I play with it for about three minutes and then it doesn't interest me anymore. I have a huge hamper of old toys and I totally DESPISE them. I am always bothering, begging, and subtling manipulating my parents to buy me new ones. I can't help it; the longing and anticipation for a new toy makes me crazy. Every second I don't have one, intense desire increase exponentially. I'm destroying myself with this desperate as well as my relationship with my parents. Maybe some of you experts out there can give me some advise on "how to play nicely".

"The Too-Cool Hulk Smash Toy"
That really is an impressive effect (I don't know how much faith I have in the theatrical release of "The Hulk;" I hope it's stupendous, but alas, I fear the worst; from what I've seen, Microsoft is the star of that show). I was also real pleased with the new line of Outer Limits action figures released through TV Land. I have the Ebonite Interrogator, which occupies a high place of honor on my living room mantle. Next, I'd love to find likenesses from "The Soldier," and "Demon With A Glass Hand."

Guys, you have an excellent message board. I appreciate you letting me post here.

Thnak you to Brian
A thank you to Brian for providing me details of a typical American supermarket and script reading advice which helped obtain the following result at:

http://www.digitalfilmmakinginstitute.org/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=43

Will be seeing the man in Philly in a few months.

BTW - Brian, don't you suspect the woman may be reading this board?

FAQ

It's a dreary Sunday afternoon here in Philly, topped off by the fact that a female person I was going to have a nice coffee/dinner/whatever thing with hasn't gotten back to me. So I'm wondering; should I stay in, and clean up the basement, or go into town, find a decent bookstore, and browse for fun?

Re Richard Dreyfuss: Yes, Alex, Dreyfuss has done Shakespeare. Around the time he'd done _The Goodbye Girl_, Dryefuss talked about how he'd always wanted to play Cassius in _Julius Caesar_. He did do it in NYC in the late 1970s. (He also did a monologue as Hamlet on _Saturday Night Live_ as well, back in the days when they'd _do_ such things.)

To Dave and Gary: You have some seriously brain-damaged and antisocial friends. Re-evaluate your social lives.

Okay, now for _The Matrix Reloaded_. This is a difficult one to evaluate. I enjoyed the film overall, and I'm hoping that the next film manages to flesh out all the plot points and potentials that this one's set up. But there are two BIG problems that the Wachowskis have to face.

The first is, well, the problem of doing a story about virtual worlds. The original's revelation about the Matrix was a nice mind-blower. But the second movie intimates that the characters aren't acting out of free will, that even the existence of the non-Matrix world is open to question, and that there's an even deeper level of "reality" as yet unexamined. Fine. But if the characters are confronted with such detailed mindfucks that they _never_ know what's real and what isn't, then the story sort of evaporates; there can be no real resolution, and any heroics depicted are pretty much for naught.

(By the way, while so much is made of the philosophical underpinnings of these films, I think it's mainly bullshit. I don't think one has to read a fraud like Baudrillard to understand a difference between "real" and simulacra; he's just embroidering on a theme that goes back to Plato and the cave. But then again, there are probably millions of viewers who _haven't_ encountered these ideas before, so to a younger audience, it's "original.")

The second problem's in the visual effects. They look great-- there's a truck collison that you'll never forget, and the famous "burly drawl" with a hundred Hugo Weavings is _hilarious_. But at this stage in the game, the Wachowskis (and George Lucas) have pretty much demonstrated that there is no demarcation between an animated film and a live-action one. Anything that can be imagined can be made to look "real." And while this frees up filmmakers immensely, it feels as though an element of magic has been taken away. It's a bit like the first Harry Potter movie, where every bit of magic was rendered into literal, concrete images; unlike _The Adventures of Baron Munchausen_, where techniques as simple as cardboard cutouts were used to create scenes of beauty and wonder.

it's all right to shake, to fight, to feel
So at first I'm trying to figure out why Chris L is recommending SPELLBOUND. Sure it's good, but it's no NOTORIOUS or VERTIGO or THE BIRDS.

Oops. Different SPELLBOUND.

Thanks for the heads-up, Chris. I'll have to check it out. Ebert had good things to say about it, too.

And you're right to chastise George Lucas. Episode II was the stupidest thing I've ever sat through. Jesus Christ. I have to stop now. The memories are washing over me again, like waves of sewage.

HARLAN: 'Twas I who hipped the board to the Hulk-Tank thingy. Makes me glad to be indirectly responsible for some of your glee. Of course, I first heard of its masturbatory leanings from Peter David's web column, so I suppose the circle done come 'round.

On Richard Dreyfuss--a great actor, who has lately made some very good performances in otherwise forgettable flicks--but me, I've always wanted to see him play an out-and-out villain. Sort of in the same way we've seen affable characters such as John Lithgow and Dustin Hoffman make star turns as irrevocably bad guys (I'm talking about films like RICOCHET or BILLY BATHGATE, not BUCKAROO BANZAI or HOOK)--and I think Mr. Dreyfuss could pull off some deliciously evil parts, if given the chance.
(And yes, playing Alexander Haig is a step towards evil--but I want to see him as a main villain.)

Hmm ... looking at the Internet Movie Database, he's done some VERY interesting parts I've never seen: Yoni Netanyahu in an Entebbe telemovie? Yossarian in a CATCH-22 TV pilot? There WEAS a CATCH-22 television series pilot?!?

Hell, I would have been interested in seeing him in some Shakespeare: A young Drefuss as Bottom, perhaps, or as a scheming Don John?
(Better than Keanu ...)

RICK: Sorry about the scutwork which postings like the one directly below this force upon you.
Have we lately shown our appreciation? If not, consider it flamboyantly flashed your way like a Mardi Gras co-ed promised beads ...

Enjoy...

Quotes:
Please, if you ever see me getting beaten up by the police, please put your video camera down and help me.
--Bobcat Goldthwait
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
--Dave Barrey
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
--Oscar Wilde
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
-- George Carlin
There is nothing quite so good as a burial at sea. It is simple, tidy, and not very incriminating.
-- Alfred Hitchcock
When choosing between two evils, I always like to pick the one I've never tried before.
-- Mae West
You can observe a lot by just watching.
--Yogi Berra
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
-- Steven Wright
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
-- Woody Allen
I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
-- Lily Tomlin

Questions:
Who was Matthew Birchinger?
What 1969 movie became the first and only X-rated production to win the Academy Award for Best Picture. (Its rating has since been changed to R.)
What was movie detective Dirty Harry's badge number?
What is the most filmed story of all time?
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime-time television were...?
The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after...?
A group of unicorns is called a...?
A group of of goldfinches is called a...?
What was the first spin-off In TV history? What show was it spun-off from?
A Stupid Quote:
"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again."
- Barbara Boxer, Senator
Useless & Odd Facts:
In the 1985 Boise, Idaho mayoral election, there were four write-in votes for Mr. Potato Head.
In Minnesota it's illegal to mock skunks.

A Quiz Or Two:
Hollywood Blacklist Movie Quiz
Many members of the film industry were blacklisted because of the 1950s House Un-American Activities Committee (HUAC) hearings. Can you answer these questions about movie folk who were blacklisted (though not part of the illustrious 'Hollywood Ten')?

1) Orson Bean was blacklisted in the 1950s but continued to work, even into the 21st century. Who did he play in 'Being John Malkovich' (1999)?
Captain Mertin
Mr. Hiroshi
father at the puppet show
Dr. Lester

2) John Berry was blacklisted after making the documentary 'The Hollywood Ten' about the ten industry members who spent time in jail rather than name names before the HUAC. He later went on to direct a movie that was part of a baseball-film series. What movie did he direct?
Major League II
The Scout
The Bad News Bears Go to Japan
Stealing Home

3) Phil Brown, one of the founders of the Actors' Laboratory, was blacklisted in 1952. Still, he remained active in the industry (in part because of his relocation to England). Which of the following did he NOT work in?
Jaws
The Pink Panther Strikes Again
Superman
Star Wars

4) Jack Gilford was blacklisted with his wife in the 50s, but went on to earn an Oscar nomination for his work in 'Save the Tiger' (1973). What other, more widely known, movie did he have a part in?
E.T.
A.I. Artificial Intelligence
Cocoon
Alien

5) Michael Gordon, before being blacklisted, directed Jose Ferrer in a film based on a classic novel. This same novel was later made into a film starring Steve Martin in Ferrer's role. What movie did Gordon direct?
Richelieu
Cyrano de Bergerac
Le Grande Nez
Roxanne

6) Waldo Salt achieved some success in writing prior to being blacklisted, but his true achievements came after the 50s when he wrote 'Midnight Cowboy' (1969), 'Serpico' (1973), 'The Day of the Locust' (1975) and 'Coming Home' (1978). Which of these successful films did NOT earn him an Oscar nod?
Coming Home
The Day of the Locust
Midnight Cowboy
Serpico

7) Though he continued to work sporadically after the blacklist by moving to England and using pseudonyms, Howard Koch's more notable achievements came prior to the 50s. Which of these classic films did he write?
Gone with the Wind
Some Like It Hot
Casablanca
All About Eve

8) Peter Brocco was among those blacklisted. He had always been a very prolific actor, but some of his better projects, like Kubrick's 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' (1975) came after the blacklist. What character did Brocco play in 'Cuckoo's Nest'?
Randle P. McMurphy
Billy Bibbit
Colonel Matterson
Chief Bromden

9) Screenwriter Walter Bernstein was blacklisted shortly after the start of his career, but it hurt him little in the long run. Which movie starring Henry Fonda did Bernstein write, which was later redone as a live television program with Richard Dreyfuss in Fonda's role?
The War of the Worlds
The Apartment
Ulee's Gold
Fail Safe

10) Marc Lawrence has worked in well over 100 films, though seldom in starring roles. He was blacklisted because he admitted his political leanings and named names, motivating a move to Europe so as to sustain his career. Lawrence returned to Hollywood after the demise of the blacklist, though, and has since worked on many huge films. Who of the following has NOT starred in a film Lawrence worked in?
Tim Roth
George Clooney
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Tom Cruise

What Was The Line? Movie Quiz
In this quiz you guess which line is spoken by whom. You will be given the movie, character in question, and four quotations from which to select.

1) These quotations are all from "Airplane!", released in 1980. The particular quote I'm looking for was spoken by Lloyd Bridges, who played Steve McCroskey. What'd he say?
"Surely you can?t be serious."
"I am serious...and don?t call me Shirley."
"Flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle, just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes."
"Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue."

2) The next movie is "American Beauty", released in 1999. The character is Carolyn Burnham, played by Annette Bening. What'd she say?
"You don't get to tell me what to do...ever...again."
"You love him, you wanna have, like, ten thousand of his babies."
"Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it."
"Honey, don't be weird!"

3) "Blazing Saddles" is our next movie, released in 1974. We're looking for the quote from the late, great Madeline Kahn, who played Lili von Shtupp, the Teutonic Titwillow. What'd she say?
?You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons.?
?Is that a ten-gallon hat, or are you just enjoying the show??
?My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention!?
?Now send a wire to the main office and tell them that I said...OW!?

4) On to a more serious movie, namely "Braveheart", released in 1995. The character we're looking for this time is Hamish, played by Brendan Gleeson. What'd he say?
?Every man dies. Not every man truly lives.?
?Well...we didn?t get all dressed up for nothin?.?
?Him? That can't be William Wallace. I'm prettier than this man!?
?The trouble with Scotland is that it's full of Scots!?

5) "Clue" (1985) is our next movie in question. The character is Wadsworth, played by Tim Curry. What'd he say?
?A plant? I thought men like you were usually called a fruit.?
?Yes, I did it. I killed Yvette. I hated her so... much... it... it... the... it... the... flames... flames... flames... on the side of my face... breathing... breathless... heaving breaths... ?
?Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a damn.?
?If I was the killer, I would kill you next. I said IF! IF!?

6) Our next question is from the 1964 comedy classic "Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb". The character is Colonel "Bat" Guano, played by Keenan Wynn. What'd he say?
?Well, I've been to one world fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that's the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones.?
?Mr. President, I?m not saying we wouldn?t get our hair mussed. But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops. Uh, depending on the breaks.?
?You wanna know what I think? I think you?re some kind of deviated prevert. I think that General Ripper found out about your preversion, and that you were organizing some kind of mutiny of preverts.?
?Gentlemen, you can?t fight in here! This is a War Room!?

7) Back to the present, and 1999's "Election". The character is Tracey Flick, played by Reese Witherspoon. What'd she say?
?Getting suspended is like getting a paid vacation. I don't know why teachers think it's punishment.?
?I also like bananas.?
?Say that everyday you had an apple. An apple, an apple and more apples. You probably thought that apples were pretty good. Then one day there was an orange. Now do you want an apple or do you want an orange? That's democracy.?
?It's like my mom always says, ?The weak are always trying to sabatoge the strong.??

8) "Fargo" (1996) is our next movie. Steve Buscemi's Carl Showalter is our subject. What'd he say?
?Ah, hon, ya got Arby's all over me.?
?But you?re saying...what?re you saying??
?We split the car.?
?I'm not gonna debate you, Jerry. I?m not going to sit here and debate.?

9) Indiana Jones' first adventure, "Raiders Of The Lost Ark" (1981) is next on our list, and the character is Sallah, played by John Rhys-Davies. What'd he say?
?What a fitting end to your life's pursuits. You're about to become a permanent addition to this archaeological find. Who knows? In a thousand years, even you may be worth something.?
?You Americans, you're all the same. Always overdressing for the wrong occassions.?
?Asps. Very dangerous. You go first.?
?You want to talk to God? Let's go see him together, I've got nothing better to do!?

10) 1994 brought "Forrest Gump" and "Pulp Fiction", but we're going to look at "The Shawshank Redemption". Our character is Brooks Hatlen, played by James Whitmore. What'd he say?
?Rehabilitated? Now let me see. You know, I don't have any idea what that means.?
?Put your trust in the Lord.?
?Maybe I should rob the FoodWay so they'll send me home. I could shoot the manager while I'm at it, kind of like a bonus.?
?On the outside, I was an honest man, straight as an arrow. I had to come to prison to be a crook.?

11) "The Silence Of The Lambs" was released in 1991. Jame Gumb was a character played by Ted Levine. What'd he say?
?It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.?
?Lambs. The lambs were screaming.?
?First principles, Clarice. Read Marcus Aurelius. Of each particular thing ask: what is it in itself? What is its nature? What does he do, this man you seek??
?Look, I am not just some turn-key, Miss Starling.?

12) The greatest mockumentary ever produced, 1984's "This Is Spinal Tap", is our next movie. Christopher Guest plays lead guitarist Nigel Tufnel. What'd he say?
?Certainly, in the topsy-turvy world of heavy rock, having a good solid piece of wood in your hand is often useful.?
?As long as there's, you know, sex and drugs, I can do without the rock and roll.?
?I think that the problem may have been that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being crushed by a dwarf.?
?I'm really influenced by Mozart and Bach, and it's sort of in between those, really. It's like a Mach piece, really.?
13) The groundbreaking live action/animated feature "Who Framed Roger Rabbit", from 1988, is our next selection. Jessica Rabbit, voiced by Kathleen Turner, is our selected character. What'd she say?
?I ambushed him, hit him in the head with a frying pan and put him in the trunk ... so he wouldn't get hurt.?
?Is that a rabbit in your pocket or are you just happy to see me??
?Here's to the pencil pushers. May they all get lead poisoning.?
?You see, I didn't know where your office was. So I asked the newsboy. He didn't know. So I asked the fireman, green grocerier, the butcher the baker, they didn't know. But the liquor store guy. He knew.?

14) "Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory", from 1971, is our next movie. Violet Beauregarde, the constant gum chewer played by Denise Nickerson, is our subject. What'd she say?
?Spitting's a nasty habit.?
?A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.?
?If she's a lady, then I'm a Vermicious Knid!?
?I've just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday on what we learned during the week will now take place on Monday before we've learned it. But since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest"

15) Last one. Ready? From "Young Frankenstein", released in 1974. Our subject is Gene Hackman, who made a brief cameo as the blind man. What'd he say?
"Could be worse...could be raining."
"Yes! Say it! He was my BOYFRIEND!"
"A riot is an ugly thing...undt, I tink it is about time zat ve had one!"
"Wait! Come back! I was gonna make espresso!"

How sad is that I strike my one-post limitation to agree with Chris L. WINGED MIGRATION is a work of beauty and grace, that gives you a fantastic feel for one of the most amazing events in animal history.

Come on down to the Chuck and Bill for our BBQ'd possum....

Bill,

Your posting made my day. I'll see your gallstones and raise you a kidney stone.

Hey, it's not as gross as Rob's crunchy underwear.

Bern,

That was quite a posting you made. Well reasoned. I may have to purloin some of what you wrote down for an argument some time. If I had a hat, it would be doffed in your general direction.

Scott,

A genuine laugh over your posting. You also made my day.


And so did the image of Harlan Ellison and Richard Dreyfuss having a ball with the tank-humping Hulk. The Missus should get all this on video.

And now, I must exit cyberspace. I'm having an old friend for dinner.

That didn't quite come out right, did it?

Chuck

Your friendly neighborhood film grump comes to you today with two glowing recommendations and nary a complaint in sight.

For those of you lucky enough to be near a theater playing it, run, don't walk to see WINGED MIGRATION. Better yet, take your car so you won't work up such a sweat by the time you get there. This film is by the makers of the great Microcosmos and does for birds what that film did for insects. Those of you looking for a plot will be sorely disappointed - the film "merely" shows you a host of sights no human being could ever expect to see, perhaps has no right to see. You get to see birds of all stripes from all climes during their migrations. Some make it, some don't. While the film is mostly narrative-free, there is a sequence in this film - and I do not wish to spoil it for you - that I must count as perhaps the single greatest HORROR FILM sequence in movie history. You'll know it when you see it. And see it you must. at the theater. It won't be the same at home, even if you got yourself one of them nifty wide-screen dealy majiggers.

You also need to see SPELLBOUND. I mention this second not because it is inferior. It is probably a superior film to Winged Migration. However, you could, if you are truly given to sloth, wait for the DVD and not miss too much. Spellbound is the story of several 7th and 8th graders in pursuit of the national spelling bee. Sound boring? I suppose you think the millionth itertation of mismatched buddy cops chasing neo-terrorists through the city streets counts as exciting, huh? You probably went opening night to see I-Spy, didn't you?

In any case, the film is as gripping, tense and emotionally involving as any I have seen in the last few years. Sometimes you just can't beat the real thing. And yeah, I'm talking to you, George Lucas.

Ohhhhh, Jeezus...

I actually have to eat shit AND vegetables in the same morning?

As you can see, Scott, the question was cleared up in my last exchange with Earl...making your follow-up a bit extraneous.

On the other hand, HARLAN...

You're absolutely RIGHT! First off, I generally know better than to be an asshole about an illustrator - particularly one whose work I really don't know. Sometimes one's cortisol levels get out of control and he simply talks too much. Secondly, the repro I glanced at was a poor one. What comes through, however, tells me his control was quite decent. Very nice flow in the lines. I practically need a magnifying glass but in close, careful examination it's quite evocative. I'd be happy to look at decent repros of Ruth's work.

I'd love to be able to challenge you by arguing, "what makes you think I was being sarcastic?" But my fine deductive powers inform me you wouldn't have bought that. No, I just went off the deep end in my babbling. I respect artists because I'm one myself. EVEN when I don't care for a specific illustrator I generally don't get smart-assed about it. It's FAR more unforgivable when I don't even know his work. Actually, I'm unfamiliar with many of those pulp illustrators from the 40's.

Yeah, that was pretty bad. I'll be eating my musky shorts straight from the hamper.

Please forgive the second post, but reading M. Ellison's comments about the Hulk Smash Toy and Richard Dreyfuss formed the most perfect visual image of the noted writer and an Academy Award winning thespian (Although I always thought Burton should've won for "Equus") sitting on kitchen linoleum, fighting over whose turn it was to get a chance to play...

Goddam, that's funny.

Scott, who wants to know where the hell his Ebonite and Zanti Misfits are...

Steve Dooner, I greatly enjoyed your post about the Christian Humanists and the Deists, and also the remark about "twelve-step Theology." Unlike you, I'm not an athiest, however, I've always been uncomfortable with various aspects of all religions. All too often, much of religion seeks to push us back into the muck rather than encouraging expansion of the mind, the soul (for want of a better term), man's abilities. Why this is so often the case is not only tragic but also baffling. If you posit that a high power could have created the cosmos, shouldn't you have a respectful awe for such a mysterious and unknowable power and a yet a delight in pushing the boundaries of knowledge toward attempting to know it or in someway understand it? Why should your mind and imagination contract instead of expand?

I don't believe much in divinely inspired artists as much as I believe in happy coincidences where genes, dexterity, ability and environment all collide to form an individual capable of communicating vision to others in song, story or picture.

Well, now I see how easy it is to digress from the topic of Harlan Ellison's work.

Thanks to Mr. Ellison and all others who've invited me to the neighborhood. And thanks also to those who mentioned SHATTERDAY and ANGRY CANDY. I wasn't certain which books to look for after having finished SLIPPAGE and this helps very much. A visit this afternoon to the bookstore is in order.

ROB: You may take Rod Ruth's name in vain, if you wish, you insensate phlegmwad of johnny-come-latelyism, but when he was doing b&w illustrations for the Ziff-Davis pulps in the '50s, he was one of my favorites. His work was a cross between Edd Cartier of Astounding and Unknown, and Bob Powell of the comics. Sharply delin eated, clever, and very muscular artwork. I would LOVE to buy an original Rod Ruth illustration or two for the house, if any were available. He may not have been significant enough for a second edition of that Encyclopedia, but I sure was nuts about his artwork. So there, smartypants.

Oh, and despite my being too busy to go scrolling back to locate the identities of the two or three of you who made mention of the Hulk Smash Tank toy, I truly wish to thank you thank you thank you. I bought one (only $8.99) at Toys'R'Us and it is so nifty that when, last night, Richard Dreyfuss and his wife Janelle came over to go out for dinner at Mogo's Mongolian Barbeque, and he saw it, he ooo'd and ahhhh'd, and we had to take out about ten minutes on the kitchen linoleum to play with it. So thank you again, to youse who hipped me to it. It is my new, current, favorite plaything ... next to Susan ... who, in all fairness, is not nearly as psychopathic as the tank-smasher. Nor nearly as green. She has her severe limitations, but I've grown fond of her. Especially when she extends her eyestalks and drips sweet ichor into my Kix.

All best otherwise, yr. pal, Harlan

Scads and Scads of Irrelevant Nonsense...

Huh? What? Yes, I'm referring to this post.

Rob: Listen to Earl, he's exactly correct. I've got three editions, including the recent rerelease (bought under the pretext that I was getting an updated, revised edition. Damn you, John Clute and Peter Nicholls. DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!). There are absolutely no illustrations in The Encyclopedia of SF.

On topic, and related to M. Ellison: I might suggest Frank M. Robinson's "Science Fiction of the 20th Century: An Illustrated History". It's concise, where Aldiss' history tended to wander, and it's gots nice purty pichurs, most of these pulp cover art. Even more, you get some good Ellison coverage, with quite a number of pages writing up Ellison's contributions to the SF genre.

Jon: Your post reminded me of the spreads that OMNI used to do, featuring fantastic art related to novels or stories within the genre. I went back to check the stacks, and found another editorial contribution Robinson made displaying those wonderful pulp covers and interior art that I strive to collect (no Virgil Findlay originals yet, but, still hoping to find one at a price that doesn't resemble the GDP of a developing nation); "Art of Imagination: 20th Century Visions of Science Fiction, Horror, and Fantasy". Marvelously thick (700+ pages), and spanning the history of SF artwork. Might I also suggest the Spectrum series of books, edited by Cathie and Arnie Fenner? Fantastic cover and interior art, quite eye catching.

Chuck and Bill: Gods, that doesn't come out sounding good; Come down to The Botulism Shack, and experience the taste sensation we call "The Chuck and Bill". Sorry.

I can only tell the two of you that I'm reading what you have to say out of interest and concern, hoping that the fact that I'm listening helps the two of you to handle what seems to be somewhat shitty times. It does get better, mon amis, and when you get your due, I'm hoping the fates give you the restitution you've earned in spades.

Remember, Rob, listen to your elders. And, eat your vegetables. There's a good boy.

Yes, Earl, I hear ya chucklin'...

Mel's busy, won't be in for a few days. Hopes all's well to all.

Love to those who care;
Fuck you to those who don't

Scott

Arts and Crafts
Bruce Miller,

Sorry, Bruce, but your argument doesn't fly.

You postulate: "Ok, he is talking about the SUBCONSCIOUS mind which normal people do not consider to be part of the 'me'." I have to say that I boldly disagree with that statement. Most people DO think of the subconscious as part of themselves, if they think of it at all. In fact, I would further suggest that the only people who reject that notion are those trying to prove the existence of a "higher power". In fact your whole argument is geared toward that very proposition. Like, "but I still say that some other force is sending messages to the artist." Not that I have a problem with your trying to prove it, I just don't think you've gotten there, yet.

You also state, "But most authors, artists, rock stars, etc. seem to have NO IDEA of the profound insights and allusions that their art gives forth." This is an interesting notion, but in the end, since that effect can be completely explained by ordinary experience, we are forced to reject the "God Concept" (you may want to check your keyboard by-the-by, it seems to drop "o"s and "e"s every so often) as THE explanation for the observed events. (Occam's razor and all....)

How can it be explained, you ask? Let me show you. (I know, you didn't ask, but the Socratic dialog form helps me transition...)

There are two parts to the "Art" equation. You have acknowledged one side, but you have failed to recognize the other at all - this is the weakness in your argument. "Art" has two parts - the craftsman and the audience. The craftsman uses his (or her) skill, talent, and ability to arrange the raw material of their craft into a shape that conveys, for them, some message or statement of their worldview. That's it. That's the sum total of the effort. Their contribution to the "conversation", such as it is, is done.

Now we present that crafted piece to the audience. They experience the "Art" through the filter of their own experience, knowledge and cognitive ability - a worldview that may or may not overlap with that of the craftsman. They may "get " the message the craftsman intended, they may miss it entirely (usually, it's somewhere in between those extremes...) It is in the areas that the worldviews DO NOT overlap that we find the explanation of your observation that "most authors, artists, rock stars, etc. seem to have NO IDEA of the profound insights and allusions that their art gives forth." The insights and allusions that you drew were because of your experience, your worldview - not theirs.

Let's use a quick example: Imagine I'm a writer who has not read some classic of literature like, Don Quixote. I have not read and experienced the wonders of Sancho Panza or the beautiful Dulcinea or the Don himself - I have no idea at all of their significance in the world of literature at all.

I write a passible story about frustration and useless effort set on a miniature golf course. (Why? Because I'm a lousy miniature golfer and the 11th hole frustrates the hell outta me - I can never get it past that damn swinging windmill.) I pour into this story all of my heartache and frustration, as the father of the story becomes increasingly erratic and eventually gives up completely, throwing his putter into the deepest pool of dyed blue water the park has - but not before inspiring his son to continue to try to putt that damn ball through the little path under the windmill.

You, as the well-read literati you are, come up to me on a signing line and ask me how I ever managed to fit the spectacular allusions to Don Quixote into that wonderful little story - especially fixating on the Windmill as a the archetypical image of technology as monster. I look at you blankly, (remember after all, I've never read the novel...) and say that the windmill is just a windmill, and I put it in there because I can never putt my way through it. You smile sadly, and assume that since I did not recognize the allusion, I must have been inspired by a "higher power" - and since I had no time to be enlightened by you on a signing line I am also a rude, shallow dope.

You are wrong to make that assumption. The "missed" allusions are because your worldview and mine do not overlap directly. Their is no need at all to invoke a "higher power". And we can even safely ignore the allusions the author tried to draw, that you, the audience member missed. (Say a passing reference to Dachau, to put an Ellison spin on the argument.) It's not because you are an ignorant heathen that god has not deigned to enlighten - it's cause you hated the subject of World War Two and avoided every reference to it like the plague.

No. You argument does not hold water, and I disagree with it completely.

Bern

Just a quick hello to all - haven't had a chance to catch up as all of my "household goods" have been deposited somewhere unknown to me in Great Falls. I've finally arrived at my destination (that being, of course, Great Falls) and I'm learning the truthfulness to the name of "Big Sky Country". It's grand, it's desolate, I feel adventurous and tiny and scared.

But I'm here. Once I get my own computer (bless friends with computers who let me use them) back, I hope to post more often. My contribution that has to do with HE? I was able to stop by Powell's Book Store in Portland, the largest bookstore in the (world? country?). I saw 17 different HE books - ones I'd never even heard the titles of before. VERY cool. Uncool thing - military didn't give any advanced pay, credit card fairly maxed with moving/travel expenses - could not BUY said unheard-of-titles. I must go back!

--Zoë Rose

Re: various comments on divine inspiration
Mr. Miller, I too am an atheist, but I think you should read a little bit more about humanism, which is not an exclusively atheistical concept. There were Christian humanists in the Renaissance who believed that the human capacity to create was enormous. Read Gargantua and Pantagruel, and you'll see that Rabelais knew humanity could be far more than what it had taught itself to be. Look at Michelangelo's signature on the Pieta, and you know that he intended the whole world to know that he created this artwork as an expression of his own ego.

I think too that the deists in the Enlightenment would have disagreed with your view that poor humanity could only aspire to artisanship not art. Benjamin Franklin's greatness as an artist is unquestioned, and he wrote, "God helps those who help themselves" because he knew that people were always looking for strength outside of themselves and accomplishing nothing while doing it. The above quote is excellent advice from someone who invented stoves, bifocals, lighning rods, glass harmonicas, swim fins, writing desks, and flexible catheters, without divine inspiration.

You envision an enfeebled, fallen humanity always in need of some magical force to augment its own pitiful strength. This is "twelve step" program theology. Many artists without a "higher power" have found that they do not need to put up an antenna to some distant and disinterested god. What they need to do is get down to work.

Mr Ellison,

"There are always a few (like Diana) (everyone knows that's what you meant) in every group whose basic agenda is to be heard, to gain attention, to be noticed..." "...Sometimes it is done with cruder tactics, and the metronome just keeps on reprising its pendulum arcs of wasted time"

I remember you announcing indirectly to the air at one point that I didn't exist in your Universe.


I haven't decreed that you don't exist in my Universe, though, so I can address you directly. I prefer this method. It leaves a lot less room for doubt and confusion than the one where someone talks to the air and announces stuff, and tells people who DO exist that they aren't there anymore.

I exist. I think you should know this.

Sincerely,

Diana



Hathor,

You're going to get virtual cooties if you talk to me. I thought I should warn you.

(a startled jump) DIANA! Woow!(blink blink. Slap to forehead)
And all this time I thought I was standing next to a plant. Damn spectacles.
Don't let the Board pariah thing bother you. I CLEARED a room once by showing how Jon Edwards "does it". (I STILL say Kreskin did it better)Hopefully the Board Masters will destroy the room while everyone regroups and writes about me "behind my back". (Gee, it IS like actual socializing, isn't it?)

The television reflection has a bad echo. I mean, I was smoking one of those O-fay orange flavored Camels, and this ghost is pointing out that the filter color reminded him of the "Pre Cowboy" Marlboros that used to camoflauge lipstick. Geez! Observing all those people while in limbo for decades, and you can't come up with a better icebreaker? (MEN in Black?!? Pssh!)

The idea of presenting oneself with useless minutae and generalities as "proof" of being a non-threating entity doesn't wash. Yes, your death was senseless. Then again, MOST ARE! Very few people get the gift of dying at right time, and now I missed my bus. Thanks, loads, O dead hippie!!! Now get out of my face.

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all the comments and taking me so seriously. I am a really serious person, by the way. Thanks also to Harlan for the response--don't feel obligated to share the royalties on your new book that I helped inspire.

I know Harlan is different because of all the "real life" anecdotes and stories he adds to his collections. But most authors, artists, rock stars, etc. seem to have NO IDEA of the profound insights and allusions that their art gives forth. How can it be that the inspirer does not even understand the inspiration?

I have the utmost respect for the years of hard work it takes to become a master artisan, but I still say that some other force is sending messages to the artist.

Even an athiest can accept what I'm saying. Let's look at Freud's idea of athiesm--Man created G-d in his own image through primitive infantile desires for a father figure. Ok, he is talking about the SUBCONSCIOUS mind which normal people do not consider to be part of the "me". So let's say it like this: While Sting is playing around on his guitar he is swept up in divine revelation and his subconscious brain writes the song. Sting says, "Yeah, I wrote it," but test him on the literary profundity of his lyrics and see if he passes.

Just because someone believes in G-d, doesn't mean he's stupid (although I admit there is ample evidence for it). It's just a matter of where you draw the line between self and other. I just think it's a little arrogant to draw it at 100% "ME".

It's the idea of "other" that freaks out the athiest. When Jung came up with the collective subconscious idea, Freud disowned him. Why? because it smelled to much of the all-hated and all-feared "G-d Conc-pt". He, like most athiests, just wanted to grab all the credit for himself. If I recall, Mike Tyson always gave G-d the credit every time he won a fight, so come-on Unka Harley. . .step into the Light.

Weird thing that I just had to share...

So I'm flipping channels before bed, and I come upon a Spanish broadcast of an old Bruce Willis flick. I've just figured out it's "Blind Date," mostly becuase it has Kim Basinger to annoy me, when I notice something really weird:

This blind date is at a H. R. Giger exhibit.

Now that just threw me for a loop for a second. Even in a Blake Edwards movie, who the hell brings a blind date to a Giger exhibit? Strange...

Regards,
Joseph

"Bill,

I hope your situation improves soon. Frankly, I don't know how you hold up, but I think you got real stones. Hang in there."

Chuck,

Thanks, really. I feel like Stallone at the end of the first Rocky sometimes, standing and beaten and shouting out incoherent babble, only Rocky got famous.

Actually, there's small instances of hope that comes through here and there. For instance, I'm at the end of my first semester back in college, which I didn't want to return to in the first place. I've had some of the best professors of my life this past semester. I've made friends, something I don't do easily, which has boosted my confidence in myself to the highest it's ever been. I received loads of good words about writing I've done in one of my classes, by those who'd be most likely to read my work if they had access to it (unfortunately, it was essays they read and not fiction). And then, Thursday...

My favorite class has been my African American Autobiography class. The professor, a man named Everett Hoagland, is a poet. Was the Poet Laureate for the city of New Bedford from 1994-1998 (or something like that), if friends with Maya Angelou, and has these great lect