Spill yer guts.

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Tim Raven
Posts: 255
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 10:30 pm

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Tim Raven » Mon Nov 17, 2014 7:31 pm

Chuck, I liked the edits. The addition of “humanity’s fast-forward erosion” was a good one. The extra comma is cool, too. I hesitate to comment on commas because I use them too much and then end up editing them all out!


Here is an unformatted text block of the new story bits...


The Gallery

He stopped, senses on overload. With so many strange things perceived all at once he was floored.
“It feels big, doesn't it? Edde said. “This is called the Gallery.”
Chairs, chairs, chairs, as far as one could see. Here at the front they were movie theater chairs, big black comfortable ones. Farther back they seem to be more like benches at a ballpark. Details beyond that were obscured by distance as the horizon sloped upward.
He turned to Edde and she spoke first.
“It’s curved upwards, yeah. I don’t know why.”
“How did you…?”
“It’s always the first...”
“...first thing I notice, right? Let’s sit.” He walked to the nearest movie chair and plopped down, his heavy body weight squeaking its hinges. Dom resembled a shaved caveman in his prime, maybe in his early thirties. Unconsciously confident. Edde silently sat in the chair next to him. She was notably small, in contrast.
“So Edde, explain this place?”
“Sure. You’re dead.”
Dom peered from beneath his heavy dark eyebrows and reflexively scratched the back of his neck. Edde continued, “The biological body that you inhabited died. Once that happens, your intellect automatically pinches to here. Most people eventually find the hidden door and make their way down to the Gallery. Then they usually wait.”
“Wait for what?”
“Unbeknownst to them for their swift return in a new body with no memory of the past. A fresh start. It’s not like they know this ahead of time but they always rest in these seats after they come down the steps and if you sit too long, you pinch back to Earth. It’s by design, we think. All of this is by design.”
“So what happens if they don’t find that hidden door?”
“Happens most of the time. After a while they eventually jump out of the window like you did. Bash themselves on the rocks and bypass the Gallery and immediately inject into a newborn body somewhere in the universe. It’s happened to me like that many times. It took a lot of my lives before I found that door”
“Huh. So why is it so empty in the Garret? You’d think there would be lots of people stuck in there?” Dom heard something odd and immediately stood up and looked over his shoulder. A man was shouting in the distance, running down the Gallery's incline. Slowly swiveling back to Edde, “And if people don’t know this, then how are you aware of it?”
Edde rubbed her hands together vigorously “I know because I’m one of the first Awakened.” Dom involuntarily stretched, noticing that his neck was aching from constantly craning it about. There was crazy stuff everywhere. Looking up the slope he spied the running man who was shouting incoherently and getting quickly closer and beyond that he saw a creature similar to a ten foot tall praying mantis doing a jig on one of the bleacher benches.
Edde stood up and glared at the approaching figure. “Dommy, real quick, there are lots of pain-in-the-ass people here who don’t like you. If this guy tries to hurt you just crush his head or something first thing and he’ll pinch back to Earth. You take crazy chances lately, like jumping out of windows. I don’t want to be forced to wait another lifetime for you to show up here again.”
“I don’t know that guy.” Dom replied, puzzled. The man stutter-stepped to a stop about ten feet away and from the depths of his diaphragm exclaimed with utter sincerity, “Old man, I think this belongs to you.”
“I’m not an old…mah...” Dom found himself jinking instinctively to the right as a heavy knife sizzled millimeters from his left ear. His inertia invited him into a practiced roll and crouch that was beyond picture perfect. Left foot firmly and happily planted he tensed his body for a devastating and surely lethal leap when a purple green scythe razored the stranger’s head from his neck with a meaty pop. Shifting slightly to confront this new threat, Dom clicked into a hold position for two seconds. He watched the giant praying mantis stab the surprised head onto one of its front claws and spin it like a cocky street baller.
“Dom, this is Taun, she’s an Egalitarian.” She gave the giant green monster a hug about the thorax.
“Does that mean she’s gonna cut off our heads too?” Dom relaxed an additional notch but just one. Edde unconsciously grabbed the bobbing severed head by its hair and whipped it away. “From the planet Egal. She has a limited ability to enunciate human languages, so I can translate. ”
Taun tiptoe-danced over to Dom and flipped her multiple arms into an intimidating and complicated salute. He could hear hear the wind whistling as she finished the maneuver. Before she finished he instinctively felt for something that was not present at his right hip. “Hhhhello Hoold Hannn” she hissed in an abrupt, hollow, insectoid shout that sounded like an ancient wicker bullhorn. It was disturbing. She violently cocked her head toward Edde and ripped off a stream of explosive clicks.
“Taun says its time for alien sex.” Edde laughed and smacked the creature’s belly thorax.
“What?” Dom replied. “Are you kidding me?”
“Forget it, lets get out of here, we’ll talk along the way to the meeting.” Edde began to whistle “Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien” and quick-stepped up the sloped stairway, rapidly disappearing. Taun and Dom were left standing there alone.
“So Taun, I need to know which one of us has the bigger dick?” Dom flinched a bit when Taun ripped back a clicky retort and then rocket launched herself up the stairs as if she weighed nothing, resembling an armored anti-gravity tumbleweed. “That was rhetorical, of course! I guess I’m bringing up the rear!” shouted Dom as he followed with surprising enthusiasm.





The Garden

“So what’s up with the old man stuff?” Dom had double-timed it and reached Edde and Taun without any difficulty. Physical exertion made him high here, apparently. He felt like he was full of glue and rocket fuel. The Gallery was behind them as they entered a new area which was a single spongy road traveling through rolling hills. On each side were brilliantly colored plants, huge plants. The aroma was biting strong and intoxicating. “This looks like the friggin’ Wizard of Oz.” he whispered to himself.
“That’s the name that most of the people here call you, you know. In case you’re wondering it’s because you are actually a really old man. As far as Taun and I can tell, you’re the oldest among us. No doubt about it. Everyone has known you forever. Hold on, how did you know about the Wizard of Oz? That’s what I’m talking about! Wait, Taun. Stop.”
Edde stopped walking. “Dom, Taun and I are taking you to speak with the Awakened. We think you’re the first man ever to start remembering his past lives. You’ve been making references like that Oz thing out of the blue for years, right after freshly pinching here. It’s more proof, you have to be remembering, we just have to help you along to a full restoration! You’ll remember our lives together, Dom!”
Dom scooped up a rock and chucked it violently into the flowers. If he was pitching in the major leagues, it would have clocked at a devastating 120 miles per hour. He whipped another one into the plants left-handed, even harder than the first. “You mentioned that before. What does it mean to be Awakened? And why do you care about me?” Edde frowned and stepped back a bit from the rock throwing. “We’re not sure of the why, but I can explain what happens” she said gently. “Relax, let’s stop for a while.”
Dom and Edde sat together on the grass. Taun click-tiptoed close and slowly spun three hundred and sixty degrees, her multiple razor claws cutting deep intricate circles into the ground which then anchored deep into the loose loam. On her homeworld, her practiced movements would have been considered that of a Veteran Soldier, the highest accolade. Taun then became very, very tall. She looked down and spoke a quick exchange with Edde and then began a heightened vigilance, looking afar.
Edde began in a serious tone. “It might be that this is all an illusion. Our bodies, the landscape, everything. The only real thing is our intellects which we suspect are immortal. A few of us, all female, have experienced what we call an Awakening. It only occurs among the oldest. Essentially, one day we die and when we pinch back our previous memories remain rather than being reset. Believe me, it’s the weirdest feeling waking up in a new baby body with all of your previous adult memories intact. Especially memories of the House of 29 Doors.”

Taun loudly ripped out a quick series of chitters that sounded like “TTtttCCchhttTTTtt.” She returned to her task, her multiple eyes sweeping the horizon.

Edde translated. “Taun says it’s been deduced that only the oldest ones are granted the ability to remember because eternity must be an impossible burden for a young intellect. That’s our best guess. We’re not sure who created this place but there seems to be an organized intent.”
“So Taun is one of the Awakened, too?” asked Dom.
“Yes, we had the privilege to awaken together as Egal children around about the time of the Minoan civilization on Earth. Two Egal babies, both of us soldiers. After a few years of friendship we both suspected the other of being different from the rest of our brothers and sisters and we confessed our pasts to each other, and our awareness of the House of 29 Doors. We both thought perhaps we were crazy but our stories matched up perfectly. Our previous memories served us well in the Purple Slightly Blue Green Stronghold on Egal. After a long life and partnership we both committed simultaneous suicide to see if we could pinch back here together. And it worked as we suspected.
Taun silently retracted herself from her watch position and softly clicked a few times at Edde. Edde stood up. “Let’s go, a group of bad guys are coming our way, we expected this. We’ll have to hide off to the side of the road until they pass.” Dom responded in quiet voice, “Bad guys? I thought the afterlife was supposed to be a paradise?” The trio began to move quickly down the road, following Taun’s lead. “Taun and I have been to twenty-eight different doors each leading to a different intelligent civilization and one of the consistent patterns we found present everywhere are good guys versus bad guys.” Taun stopped ahead and gestured with her multiple arms to follow her into the field. Edde and Dom followed, the rampant colors quickly becoming a sparse, random behind-the-scenes type of place.
“This should be good. We’ll be able to see them as they pass.” Edde laid flat to the ground and took a watch position. With what seemed like a moved practiced many times Dom also lay prone, watching the road patiently. Taun melted into the foliage and disappeared, following the instincts that have served her for millennia.

“Edde, how long until they show up?” Dom felt an undeniable thrill.
“Dom, life is plentiful, intellect is precious. We are NOT going to engage them, right?” Edde spoke quietly and sternly. Edde continued, “I don’t want any distractions or delays this time, Dom. You have to control your impetuous urges.” At that moment a crowd of people began passing before them, oblivious to their presence hidden in the foliage.

Tim Raven
Posts: 255
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 10:30 pm

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Tim Raven » Tue Nov 18, 2014 9:13 pm


The Garden

“So what’s up with the old man stuff?” Dom had double-timed it and reached Edde and Taun without any difficulty. Physical exertion made him high here, apparently. He felt like he was full of glue and rocket fuel. The Gallery was behind them as they entered a new area which was a single spongy road traveling through rolling hills. On each side were brilliantly colored plants, huge plants. The aroma was biting strong and intoxicating. “This looks like the friggin’ Wizard of Oz.” he whispered to himself.
“That’s the name that most of the people here call you, you know. In case you’re wondering it’s because you’re actually a really old man. As far as Taun and I can tell, you’re the oldest among us. No doubt about it. Everyone has known you forever. Hold on, how did you know about the Wizard of Oz? That’s what I’m talking about! Wait, Taun. Stop.”
Edde stopped walking. “Dom, Taun and I are taking you to speak with the Awakened. We think you’re the first man ever to start remembering his past lives. You've been making references like that Oz thing out of the blue for years, right after freshly pinching here. It’s more proof, you have to be remembering, we just have to help you along to a full restoration! You’ll remember our lives together, Dom!”
Dom scooped up a rock and chucked it violently into the flowers. If he was pitching in the major leagues, it would have clocked at a devastating 110 miles per hour. He whipped another one into the plants left-handed, even harder than the first. “You mentioned that before. What does it mean to be Awakened? And why do you care about me so much?” Edde frowned and stepped back a bit from the rock throwing. “We’re not sure of the why, but I can explain what happens” she said gently. “Relax, let’s stop for a while.”
Dom and Edde sat together on the grass. Taun click-toed close and slowly spun three hundred and sixty degrees, her multiple razor claws cutting deep intricate circles into the ground which then anchored deep into the loose loam. On her homeworld, her practiced movements would have been considered that of a Veteran Soldier, the highest accolade. Taun then became very, very tall. She looked down and spoke a quick exchange with Edde and then began a heightened vigilance, looking afar.
Edde began in a serious tone. “It might be that this is all an illusion. Our bodies, the landscape, everything. The only real thing is our intellects which we suspect are immortal. A few of us, all female, have experienced what we call an Awakening. It only occurs among the oldest. Essentially, one day we die and when we pinch back our previous memories remain rather than being reset. Believe me, it’s the weirdest feeling waking up in a new baby body with all of your previous adult memories intact. Especially memories of the House of 29 Doors.”

Taun loudly ripped out a quick series of chitters that sounded like “TTtttCCchhttTTTtt.” She returned to her task, her multiple eyes sweeping the horizon.

Edde translated. “Taun says it’s been deduced that only the oldest ones are granted the ability to remember because eternity must be an impossible burden for a young intellect. That’s our best guess. We’re not sure who created this place but there seems to be an organized intent.”
“So Taun is one of the Awakened, too?” asked Dom.
“Yes, we had the privilege to awaken together as Egal children around about the time of the Minoan civilization on Earth. Two Egal babies, both of us soldiers. After a few years of friendship we both suspected the other of being different from the rest of our brothers and sisters and we confessed our pasts to each other, and our awareness of the House of 29 Doors. We both thought perhaps we were crazy but our stories matched up perfectly. Our previous memories served us well in the Purple Slightly Blue-Green Stronghold on Egal. After a long life and partnership we both committed simultaneous suicide to see if we could pinch back here together. And it worked as we suspected.
Taun silently retracted herself from her watch position and softly clicked a few times at Edde. Edde stood up. “Let’s go, a group of bad guys are coming our way. We’ll have to hide off to the side of the road until they pass.” Dom responded in a quiet voice, “Bad guys? I thought the afterlife was supposed to be a paradise?” The trio began to move quickly down the road, following Taun’s lead. “Taun and I have been to twenty-eight different doors each leading to a different intelligent civilization and one of the consistent patterns we found present everywhere are good guys versus bad guys.” Taun stopped ahead and gestured with her multiple arms to follow her into the field. Edde and Dom entered, the riotous colors leading to a sparse, behind-the-scenes type of place.
“This is good. We’ll be able to see them as they pass.” Edde laid flat to the ground and took a watch position. With what seemed like a move practiced many times Dom also lay prone, watching the road patiently. Taun melted into the foliage instantly and disappeared, following instincts that had served her for millennia.

“Edde, how long until they show up?” Dom felt an undeniable thrill.
“Dom, life is plentiful, intellect is precious. We are NOT going to engage them, right?” Edde spoke quietly and sternly. She continued, “I don’t want any distractions or delays this time, Dom. You have to control your impetuous urges. We have bigger fish to fry today.” At that moment a joyous crowd of people began passing before them, oblivious to their presence in the foliage.

“We call them laggers.” Edde whispered only inches from Dom’s ear. “They've found their way out of the gates and figured out how to avoid pinching back. They form up gangs and intimidate the newly pinched and anyone else in their way.” The mob on the road chanted as the ones in the middle of the group supported a mad flagpole; heavy ragged strips swayed and rotated on multiple masts as the riot of people advanced, braying like donkeys on bad acid.
“What are they carrying?” Dom inched forward a bit to get a better view. Edde softly replied, “It’s skin. They torture and flay people for fun and then attached the strips of meat to that wooden frame.” Edde grabbed his shoulder and squeezed. “Come on, it’s none of our business at this moment.”
Dom was sickened by the exuberance of the chant contrasted with the grisly display of bleeding torn flesh. “These people are evil! I want to kill every one of them!” Dom began inching backwards in order to stand unseen. “Let’s call Taun and we’ll rip these bastards up!” Edde placed her hand on his head and spoke very quietly and clearly in his ear. “It means nothing, Dom. Nothing. Like I said, life is cheap, it comes and it goes, it’s the intellect that’s important. Life is awash with stupid pain, Dom. Listen, I was one of those people myself long, long ago. So were you! Ripping things apart! Joyfully! Ripping ourselves apart! Violence is not a sign of evil, Dom, it’s immaturity waving flags of ignorance. Evil is a false concept that doesn't exist in reality. Evil is wishful thinking that life can be categorized, be separated and uncomplicated and predictable with rules to be followed. Evil is something that other people practice, right? Wrong. We all are not evil and we all are not good. We are intelligent and we demand to be noticed.”

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Rick Keeney
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Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Rick Keeney » Thu Nov 20, 2014 10:59 pm

Raven,

You're submitting. Yes?

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Chuck Messer
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Location: Lakewood, Colorado

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Chuck Messer » Thu Nov 20, 2014 11:26 pm

I hope so.
Some people are wedded to their ideology the way nuns are wed to God.

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Lori Koonce
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Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Lori Koonce » Fri Nov 21, 2014 1:03 pm

I'll hunt you down like a dog if you don't finish and submit this.

Tim Raven
Posts: 255
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 10:30 pm

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Tim Raven » Fri Nov 21, 2014 5:45 pm

I'm planning to continue posting incremental progress on this, but I will hold off doing any Internet posting once it's completed. At that point, I'll try submitting it - does anyone have a suggestion as to a publisher? It'll be less than 10, 000 words, so I think it will be categorized as a short story.

Here is some more of the story. Also, if anyone here has time, could you check out my new website http://www.nevarraven.com to see if it works and looks OK? Thanks!




Taun enunciated a quick series of chitters that sounded like “TTtttCCchhttTTTtt.” She then returned to her task, her multiple eyes sweeping the horizon.

Edde translated. “Taun says it’s been speculated that only the oldest ones are granted the ability to remember because eternity must be an impossible burden for a young intellect. That’s our best guess. We’re not sure who created this place but there seems to be an organized intent.”

“So Taun is one of the Awakened, too?” asked Dom.

“Yes, we had the privilege to awaken together as Egal children around about the time of the Minoan civilization on Earth. Two Egal babies, both of us soldiers. After a few years of friendship we both suspected the other of being different from the rest of our brothers and sisters and we confessed our pasts to each other and our awareness of the House of 29 Doors. We both thought perhaps we were crazy but our stories matched up perfectly. Our previous memories served us well in the Purple Slightly Blue-Green Stronghold on Egal. After a long life and partnership we both committed simultaneous suicide to see if we could pinch back here together. And it worked as we suspected.

Taun silently retracted herself from her watch position and clicked softly a few times at Edde. Edde stood up. “Let’s go, a group of bad guys are coming our way. We’ll hide off to the side of the road until they pass.” Dom responded in a quiet voice, “Bad guys? I thought the afterlife was supposed to be a paradise?” Edde walked into the middle of the road. “There is no afterlife, only life. We’re experiencing it right at this very moment.”

The trio began to move quickly down the road, following Taun’s lead. “Taun and I have been to all twenty-eight doors each leading to a different civilization and one of the consistent patterns we found present everywhere are good guys versus bad guys.” Taun stopped ahead and gestured with her multiple arms to follow her into the field. Edde and Dom entered, the riotous colors leading to a sparse, behind-the-scenes type of place.

“This is good. We’ll be able to see them as they pass.” Edde laid flat to the ground and took a watch position. Taun melted into the foliage instantly and disappeared, following instincts that had served her for millennia. With what seemed like a move practiced many times Dom also lay prone, watching the road patiently. In the distance, he could hear laughter.

“Edde, who are they?” He felt an undeniable thrill.
“We are NOT going to engage them, right?” Edde spoke quietly and sternly. She continued, “I don’t want any more distractions or delays this time, Dom. You have to control your impetuous urges.” At that moment a joyous crowd of people began passing before them, oblivious to the hidden trio.

“We call them Laggers.” Edde whispered only inches from Dom’s ear. “They've found their way out of the gates and figured out how to avoid pinching back. They recruit, form up gangs and intimidate the newly pinched and anyone else in their way.” The mob on the road chanted as the ones in the middle of the group supported a mad flagpole; heavy ragged strips swayed and rotated on multiple masts as the riot of people advanced, braying like donkeys on bad acid.

“What are they carrying?” Dom inched forward a bit to get a better view. Edde replied in a monotone, “It’s skin. They torture and flay people for fun and then attached the strips of meat to that wooden frame.” Edde grabbed his shoulder and squeezed. “Leave it, it’s none of our business at this moment.”

Dom was sickened by the exuberance of the chant contrasted with the grisly display of bleeding torn flesh. “These people are evil! I’m going to kill every one of them!” Dom began inching backwards in order to stand unseen. “Let’s call Taun and we’ll tear these bastards up!” Edde grabbed a handful of his hair and spoke quietly in his ear. “It means nothing, Dom. Nothing. Like I said, life is cheap, it comes and it goes, it’s the intellect that’s important. Biological life is riddled with stupid pain, Dom. Listen, I was one of those people myself long, long ago. So were you! Ripping things apart! Joyfully! Ripping ourselves apart! Violence is not a sign of evil, it’s immaturity waving flags of ignorance. Evil is a false concept that doesn't exist in reality. Evil is wishful thinking that life can be categorized, be separated and uncomplicated and predictable with rules to be followed. Evil is something that other people practice, right? Wrong. We’re not evil and we’re not good. We’re something else. We’re intelligent.

“Well, the hell with that we should kick their asses anyway!” Dom fumed but stayed hidden. “So. As long as we’re stuck here maybe you can answer a few questions?” Edde edged closer. “There are billions of people on Earth, how can that one Garret accommodate that rate of death? Thousands of people die every minute, how can your story be true?”

Edde whispered in an undertone, “That’s one of the riddles that led us to believe that this environment is an illusion. We come here when our bodies die...and it seems to be a custom made experience. Each person experiences different things when they arrive in the Garret. You always go through it alone.”
Dom interrupted, “But then how…”

“I was able to meet you there simply because I wanted to meet you there when you returned. This place will conform to your wishes if you request correctly. You may have noticed that time is loose here. I felt like I waited in that Garrett for days, but the reality is that I sat there a lifetime waiting for you to return.”

Dom returned his steady gaze to the road where some of the Laggers were, well, lagging. A group stopped near them as the main group of revelers continued down the road. It was a ragged crew; most of them were naked, which seemed to be the norm here. A few had some articles of clothing, a strange melange of fashion from wildly disparate centuries. The crowd was not exclusively Human. There were other beings taking part in the scrum. One of the Humans took a draw from a container, then chucked it away, presumably empty. He drew an old Roman gladius from a scabbard strapped to his back and screamed, Who’s got the hooch? More hootch!”

“It would be wasted on you, you bastard!” One of the taller humans whipped a slash of booze toward the swordsman, laughing.

“Oh yes?” The swordsman drew his gladius and spun, crudely slashing those near him, including the tall guy who stopped the blade with his forehead. The swordsman picked up the tall man’s container of booze and emptied it, chucking it into the flowers, laughing. It landed about a foot away from Dom’s head. He turned to Edde.

“That’s enough. I see something that I want, wait here.”

“Dom!” Edde had no hope to restrain him. He stood up and stalked into the road, crashing through the brilliant flowers. The remaining uninjured crowd retreated with surprise as the bloody swordsman stood alone, giggling to himself and pissing in the middle of the road. Dom approached him from behind and tapped him on the shoulder. The drunken man spun around, spraying wildly.
Dom pinched the swordsman’s greasy nose between his forefinger and thumb, grabbed a twisted handful of his right ear and said, “I want your sword and the scabbard harness. Give it to me now.”

“Ass face!” The swordsman pushed Dom away with the point of his gladius while the remaining crowd gathered around, anticipating new entertainment. “I’ll cut you up!”

Tim Raven
Posts: 255
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 10:30 pm

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Tim Raven » Fri Nov 21, 2014 5:47 pm

Of course, once it's finished I'll email a complete copy to anyone who wants to know the ending! I'm going to avoid posting the completed story on the Internet.

Thanks!

Tim Raven
Posts: 255
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 10:30 pm

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Tim Raven » Thu Nov 27, 2014 10:17 am

I've added some new stuff to the 29 Doors story at the website that I set up:
http://www.nevarraven.com.

Feel free to leave a comment, I just enabled that feature. Also, could someone click on one of the ads so that I can see some traffic? Don't over-do it, Google has anti-fraud algorithms, I guess.

The password is still Harlan's birthday!

Thanks!
Tim

Tim Raven
Posts: 255
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 10:30 pm

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Tim Raven » Mon Dec 01, 2014 11:38 pm

Added some new stuff to the 29 doors story, in formatted format here:

http://www.nevarraven.com

Password is Harlan's birthday 052734.

I've done some extensive editing throughout the whole thing this time, but from now on, I'm locking it up until The Garden.

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Chuck Messer
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Joined: Wed May 21, 2003 9:15 pm
Location: Lakewood, Colorado

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Chuck Messer » Tue Dec 02, 2014 8:17 am

Good idea. It's possible to tinker a story to death before you finish it, otherwise.

Chuck
Some people are wedded to their ideology the way nuns are wed to God.

Tim Raven
Posts: 255
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 10:30 pm

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Tim Raven » Tue Dec 02, 2014 9:50 am

Chuck, you're right. It's a problem of mine that I recognize. Editing is good, but obsessive crazy fingers bleeding editing is not so good!

Sorry to hear about that rear end traffic incident. Since I've been in CA, I've been read-ended three times. My F150 pickup always came out better that the perpetrator, however!

Tim

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Lori Koonce
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Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Lori Koonce » Tue Dec 02, 2014 10:58 am

Tim

It sounds as if you are at a point where the services of a first reader may come in handy. I'd like to offer my services.

A first reader is a person who who reads your story and gives you hopefully useful critical advice. A good first reader will give you information on anything that makes the story difficult to read be it grammar, story construction or whatever gets in their way.

Tim Raven
Posts: 255
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 10:30 pm

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Tim Raven » Tue Dec 02, 2014 7:04 pm

Lori - sure, I'd be open to that. When I finish it I'll give you a ping. We can discuss it via email.

Thanks!
Tim

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Complex
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Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Complex » Wed Dec 03, 2014 10:10 am

ARGH I hate Christmas. It's starting to creep in it's so fuckin disgusting. I came here to say it because I know Harlan Ellison also hates it. I hope all the people will realize it's shit and finally let it die. It's just bunch of red and green plastic that is supposed to revive some sort of cheese spirit in people, just think how all that decoration will look on garbage dump rotting away for thousands of years. And then the stupid presents if you want something buy it for yourself.

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FrankChurch
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Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby FrankChurch » Wed Dec 03, 2014 5:59 pm

A crushed rose

On a pavement that encourages crushings

Footfall of rain drops and blood spatters

Unseen tracks of faraway loves

Brushed by dead leaves and windy calm


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