Okay, so yesterday morning the wife and I trekked downtown (San Francisco) to see "Thor" at the old, cold, ugly, soon-to-be-another-Target Metreon multiplex. The ticket counter was empty. Weird. Nobody there, nobody in line, only the lone ticket seller, weaving back and forth on his stool at his cash drawer, acting like he was late for his elevenses coke snort. No noise to muffle my request, no distractions, just as calm as can be. I walked up and clearly said, "G'morning, we'd like two tickets for the 2D "Thor" playing at 11:05, thank you." My wife at my side nodded in agreement. The ticket seller weaved a few times, his eyes trying to figure out where to focus, and he mumbled, "Thor?" We both nodded again, and I said, "Yes, at 11:05." He puzzled over this for a moment, then did whatever voodoo they do on the register, two tickets popped out of a slot, he took my $12, handed over the tickets, and gibbered, "Ha..fu..thrup..poo..." Well, it sounded like that.
I quickly squinted at the tickets and saw we were headed for theater 14. So up the escalator we went, to the ticket taker at the door to the hallway into the myriad of theaters. He ripped the tickets in half and said, "Theater 14, down at the end, on the left." We took the seemingly endless walk to the very end of the hall, where we found 14 and a couple of comfy aisle seats in the mostly empty theater.
Time passed, we chatted through the annoying commercials screaming at us for attention, when the lights went down and previews began. Ugh, a train of stupid upcoming sex farces pretending to be comedies. What the hell is this? Where are the summer blockbusters? Why would they preview this schlock before a showing of "Thor"? Then the movie began, no credits, no title, just a fade-in to a scene outside an apartment at night, and the obvious sounds of a couple doing the nasty in there, much grunting, sprinkled with what I can only assume was meant to be witty bits of frenzied conversation relating to their efforts. Then the camera view switched into the room for a close-up of a gal on top of a guy, going at it like crazy, punctuated with more silly lines, and I heard my wife whisper, "What the fuck..." Now I'm scrambling to get the tickets out of my pocket and read them in the light of the screen, squinting hard, and only THEN did the problem reveal itself. Far too loudly, I said, "This ain''t fuckin' Thor!" To which some clever fellow a few rows ahead of me alertly replied, "No, she's definitely fucking somebody else!"
Good Lord, what laughter in the theater, and I hazard to guess more laughter than those poor movie goers were going to experience through the rest of that movie. Anyway, my wife says, "Ah, shit..." and we scrambled for the door as fast as possible...
Back in the hallway, I showed my wife the tickets, and she saw that they were for "Bridesmaids", not "Thor"! So we ran down the hall, my wife spouting profanities about the "stupid meth addict" at the ticket counter, and we eventually found "Thor" playing in theater 5. Into the darkness we stumbled, where we remarkably felt our way to a pair of aisle seats right about where we usually prefer to be, just as the previews were finishing. Darn. But the movie began, we saw the familiar fanning of old Marvel comics pages on the screen, and we settled in for a good time.
It wasn't exactly the Thor I grew up with in the 1960's and 1970's, the purists among you will no doubt pick nits endlessly, but the writer and director clearly understood what they were dealing with, and it was that rare comic book adaptation that maintained a nostalgic sense of comic book innocence without either slipping into pointless self-parody or taking itself too seriously. It was fun, and for those who enjoy a good action packed popcorn movie, I recommend it.
Just make sure, when you get your tickets, that it ain't fuckin' "Bridesmaids"!
We don't stop playing because we grow old.
We grow old because we stop playing.
-- George Bernard Shaw