Pavilion Digest: April 2003

A plethora of perplexing pavilion posts. The Pavilion Annex thread, the Pavilion Discussion thread, and monthly digests of all messages from the Pavilion.

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FrankChurch
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Postby FrankChurch » Sat Apr 26, 2003 4:39 am

Name: Frank Church
Source: unca20030523.htm
Cindy,

ASHES TO ASHES, KING AND FLUFFY BIT THE DUST, NOW NO MORE SHEDDING AND SHITTING ON THE FLOOR, SO CREMATION IS A MUST. ANGEL PAWS CREMATORY, YOUR ONE STOP DOGGIE AND KITTIE CORPSE DEPOSIT.

How's that babe? Lol.

-------------

Saw, Identity last night, and still don't know if I liked it or not. Nifty little horror flick, with the usual surprise ending. But it did leave a bad taste in my mouth. I may have been suckered.

-------------

Joseph, believe me, they are robots, even Spielberg said so in an interview.

DTS
Posts: 197
Joined: Thu Aug 13, 2009 12:04 am

Postby DTS » Sat Apr 26, 2003 9:19 am

Name: DTS
Source: unca20030523.htm
CINDY: Here's an idea for your commercial:

A man's voice, baritone (no deeper, no higher), begins to speak. He has a West Indian accent (this is important).
AT ANGEL PAWS CREMATORIUM, WE BELIEVE ANIMALS GO ON TO A HIGHER PLANE OF EXISTENCE, WHERE, SOMEDAY, THEY WILL MEET THEIR LOVED ONES AGAIN AND CONTINUE ON IN ETERNAL BLISS. LET US HELP YOU REALIZE THAT YOUR PETS HAVE GONE TO NIRVANA. ANGEL PAWS CEMATORIUM...(the narrator waits three or four beats, and adds)...WOULD YOU LIKE A PACK OF ZMOKES WIT DAT?

--DTS


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Jim Davis
Posts: 496
Joined: Fri May 23, 2003 9:27 am

Postby Jim Davis » Sat Apr 26, 2003 10:30 am

Name: Jim Davis
Source: unca20030523.htm
CINDY:

How about:

NOW WHEN HE MAKES A MESS, YOU CAN JUST VACUUM IT UP! ANGEL PAWS PET CREMATORIUM.

GOOD DOG, BAD DOG--REALLY, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE NOW? ANGEL PAWS PET CREMATORIUM.

FINALLY! HE STAYS WHEN YOU TELL HIM TO! ANGEL PAWS PET CREMATORIUM.

REMEMBER: WHEN SHE RIDES IN THE CAR, DON'T ROLL DOWN THE WINDOWS! ANGEL PAWS PET CREMATORIUM.

(Thank you, thank you. I'll be appearing at the Sands Hotel till the end of the month . . .)

BrianSiano
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Location: Philadelphia, PA
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Postby BrianSiano » Sat Apr 26, 2003 11:11 am

Name: Brian Siano
Source: unca20030523.htm
Ad for a pet crematorium? How about this:

"When your pet dies, you haven't just lost a pet. You've lost a friend, a companion, a loved one for whom you want the very best. And even if you conduct a solemn, menaingful service at your pet's grave, it will be only a matter of days before decay sets u, its fur becomes sticky and matted, and gases escape and bloat the carcass. And then the worms and insects will feed. Do you want that for your pet? Of course not. Here at Powdery Pets Crematorium, we can ensure that your pet will never suffer the fate of millions of oher dying creatures."

Two other bits of news. I had a pleasant date with someone last night. Just friendly, dinner and coffee.

And I had a falling out with the person I was working with on the anti-Historic District stuff. So I'm really very much adrift, and I'm afraid the cause will have to be abandoned to the most disruptive and least trustworthy. Maybe someday, I'll write up the whole experience.

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JosephFinn
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Postby JosephFinn » Sat Apr 26, 2003 2:27 pm

Name: Joseph J. Finn
Source: unca20030523.htm
Chuck , Faisal and Frank,

Thanks for clearing up the robots/aliens question I had for AI. I'm going to have to watch that end section again withthat in mind, and figure out where I screwed up in my watching of it; should also be interesting to see with the perspective of robotic intelligence. I always assumed they were extraterrestrial anthropologists.

Regards,
Joseph

Non-Combatant

Postby Non-Combatant » Sat Apr 26, 2003 5:09 pm

Name: Non-Combatant
Source: unca20030523.htm
Narrator - You've tried Pet Plotters...

SFX - Shovels, CLINK! SPRAY!

SHEMP - We hit the sewer line again, Charlie!

NOISE OUT

Narrator - You've tried Kitty Katapults...

SFX - SWOOOSH.......beat...beat....(in the distance) SPLATCH!

SHEMP - Damn, didn't make the quarry....we're gonna have to go scoop 'er up off the Mayor's house.

Narrator - And you've tried Professional Petstuffers...

SHEMP 2 - Wel, I thnk zat Fluffy moost have his left paw extended and his little face piched into a nice leetle "grrrrrrrrrrrrr" as he seets upon ze platform. Heee weeel look FAB-oo-Lus een front of your fire place, oui?

Narrator - But after six pets dead and no convictions, you're still not satisfied with your pet disposal service. That's where WE come in. Angel Paws: Where Angels take Pause over our state-of-the-art Flame-o-toriums. As dogs bark or kitten mew out the hymns of your choice, our staff will make sure your animal is flame boiled in the same ovens that serve millions every day at Burger King restaruants across the globe.

ANGEL PAWS - free keepsake lucky pet paws with every cremation! Ask our staff for details (limit 4 per family)

BrianSiano
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Location: Philadelphia, PA
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Postby BrianSiano » Sat Apr 26, 2003 8:23 pm

Name: Brian Siano
Source: unca20030523.htm
Ah, pet deaths. Reminds me of the joke:

Waiter: Good evening, sir. May I take your order?

Customer: Certainly. But could you tell me, how do you prepare your chickens?

Waiter: We don't, sir. We just tell them straight out that they're going to die.



Todd Cassel
Posts: 88
Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 9:01 pm
Location: Phoenix, AZ

Irreversable

Postby Todd Cassel » Sat Apr 26, 2003 8:27 pm

Name: Todd Cassel
Source: unca20030523.htm
Saw Irreversable at our favorite Scottsdale theater-of-movies-not-to-be-viewed-by-Joe-Camper.

It sucked.

It wasn't due to the two controversial scenes, one of excessive violence and another 10-minute anal rape of the soon-to-be darling of the upcoming Matrix sequel. That's not why it sucked, even though two couples walked out on the movie midway.

No, it sucked because it chose to mimic Memento (and yes, yes, many other stories and films and teevee shows that have attempted the same) with backward storytelling....for no purpose. An occasional "Time destroys all" quote here, a tossed-off comment on the future there. In reality, it was 90-minutes of 'plot' that would fit into a 10 page screenplay. Add in 80 minutes of woozy camera work and one final shot that is the only good thing about this movie to me, and you have a major waste of time.

Memento was about something. Memory; how it is important to one's sanity, how it shouldn't be and how it cannot be trusted. It used it's backwards style to follow this theme. Irreversable uses the backwards style to simply toss some style around with the waste of the time wasting minutes.

A few weeks ago I wrote about the film Gerry and how interminably dull it could be; inducing yawns while intriguing at the same time. Irreversable has stuff happening, and yet my yawns were less than intrigued.

Mysogonistic. Violent. That's not why I would walk out on Irreversable next time. Scooby Doo 2 playing in the theater next door? For that, I would walk out on Irreversable next time. Gerry in slow motion? Yes, even for that!

Irreversable: the only legitimate French product well worth boycotting.

-TODD

Todd Cassel
Posts: 88
Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 9:01 pm
Location: Phoenix, AZ

Who Needs Spelling?

Postby Todd Cassel » Sat Apr 26, 2003 8:33 pm

Name: Todd Cassel
Source: unca20030523.htm
OK, so I just spent my post of the day, and violated the board's rules with this post, spelling Irreversible wrong.

The movie bored me too much to inspire the extra keystrokes for spellcheck.

Sue me, but please, for God's sake please, don't make me see the movie again.

-TODD

Eric Martin
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Posts: 546
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Postby Eric Martin » Sun Apr 27, 2003 5:32 am

Name: Eric Martin
Source: unca20030523.htm
>Thanks for clearing up the robots/aliens question I had for AI.<

I didn't catch that either...looks like Spielberg missed a cue there.

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Jon Stover
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Postby Jon Stover » Sun Apr 27, 2003 12:39 pm

Name: Jon Stover
Source: unca20030523.htm
Todd: I immediately thought 'Well, Harold Pinter's _Betrayal_,' which used to get cited as the touchstone for backwards storytelling. Peter David wrote a Star Trek annual about Scotty that used the principle, and I think he mentioned the Pinter play/film in the letters column. And there's the backwards Seinfeld episode with the character named Pinter...there isn't a character named Pinter in _Irreversible_, is there?

A few first lines: Yes, from a long-ago post topic. So I'm slow.

"In Alice Springs -- a grid of scorching streets where men in long white socks were forever getting in and out of Land Rovers -- I met a Russian who was mapping the sacred sites of the Aboriginals."

"You see, I had this space suit."

"When they let her out of the room at last, she'd forgotten what she had to say."

"In the _Abalone_ (Arizona) _Morning Tribune_ for August third there appeared on page five an advertisement eight columns wide and twenty-one inches long."

"Brother Francis Gerard of Utah might never have discovered the blessed documents, had it not been for the pilgrim with girded loins who appeared during that young novice's Lenten fast in the desert."

"The tramp was big and squarely built, and he walked with the rolling stride of the long road, his steps too big for the little streets of the little town."

Cheers, Jon

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JosephFinn
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Postby JosephFinn » Sun Apr 27, 2003 1:51 pm

Name: Joseph J. Finn
Source: unca20030523.htm
Jon,

I only know the Brother Gerard line, sadly; that's the first line of "A Canticle for Saint Leibowitz."

The tramp line, on the other hand, sounds like (a) O. Henry (b) Raymond Carver or (c) Jack London.

Regards,
Joseph

Tony Rabig
Posts: 230
Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 4:44 pm
Location: Parsons, KS

Postby Tony Rabig » Sun Apr 27, 2003 4:07 pm

Name: Tony Rabig
Source: unca20030523.htm
Harlan & Susan, glad you're about done with the Martian death flu.

Jon,

"You see, I had this space suit" is the opener for Heinlein's Have Space Suit, Will Travel, if memory serves.

And I'm just guessing here, but wouldn't the one about the ad in the Abalone Arizona paper be the opener for Charles Finney's Circus of Dr. Lao?

--tr

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luluthebeast
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Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 3:54 pm
Location: Clay Banks, WI

So, You Like Children's Books, Eh?

Postby luluthebeast » Mon Apr 28, 2003 5:12 am

Name: luluthebeast
Source: unca20030523.htm
The tramp line comes from The Mouse and his Child, by Russel Hoban, who also had a thing I believe, for bread and jam!

Ray Carlson
Posts: 23
Joined: Sat May 26, 2012 7:03 pm

Postby Ray Carlson » Mon Apr 28, 2003 6:18 am

Name: Ray Carlson
Source: unca20030523.htm
Received "McSweeney's Mammoth Treasury of Thrilling Tales" from The Quality Paperback Book Club this weekend. Immediately sat my butt down in the nearest chair and read Harlan's "Goodbye to All That". It's tremendous! I've read it three times already.


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