A question to all the married folks on this board...

Introduce yourself here. One post per person. Use replies to those to discuss someone.

Moderator: Moderator

Gwyneth M905
Posts: 1260
Joined: Thu Aug 31, 2006 11:40 pm
Location: San Francisco, California

Postby Gwyneth M905 » Thu Feb 05, 2009 5:31 pm

Barber wrote:Um. Okay, Gwyn -- to be equally blunt: why are you licking your wounds?


I'm licking them because I thought that he loved me as much as I loved him, and I was wrong. It's my own pride that's hurt, as stupid as that is; it's my own blindness to another person's perception to reality which I should have seen coming.

The possibility exists that it *isn't* my body art, but is in fact another, much deeper issue: we're from different countries and "races" (sh*te I hate that word) and he's 10 years older so remembers things from a much, much different time. Maybe that's the real reason that things just didn't work for him, and the body art was a way out without getting into a big discussion of major issues.
I want to learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi Knight, the same as my Father.
STAR WARS (1977)

User avatar
markabaddon
Posts: 1790
Joined: Tue Mar 14, 2006 3:24 pm

Postby markabaddon » Thu Feb 05, 2009 6:50 pm

Gwynnie,

Honestly, I think your assessment is correct that the body art was a convenient excuse. I cannot wrap my head around ending a long term relationship over body art. If it was such an issue, why was it not a problem at the start of the relationship?

Hang in there,

Mark
Governments, if they endure, always tend increasingly toward aristrocratic forms. No gov't in history has been known to evade this pattern. And as the aristocracy develops, gov't tends more and mroe to act exclusively in the interests of the ruling class

Alan Coil
Posts: 538
Joined: Thu Dec 13, 2007 8:21 pm
Location: Southeast Michigan

Postby Alan Coil » Thu Feb 05, 2009 10:59 pm

Perhaps the body art was just a conveniently obvious excuse to enable him to express his doubts. Whatever. I'm sure the loss is his.

I accept tattoos today, but there was a time when tattoos were a negative. Not so much for me, as I really don't care what people do as long as it is legal and doesn't hurt others, but as a societal thing in my youth. Only sailors and 'bad girls' had tattoos. Of course, what used to be 'bad girls' back then is now 'sexually un-repressed'. Times do often change for the better.

reddragon70
Posts: 516
Joined: Wed Oct 15, 2008 5:06 am

Postby reddragon70 » Fri Feb 06, 2009 5:57 am

For what its worth, I think this guy has made a collosal error and will probably regret it for a long time to come. As for body art, I regard it as just that. Art. A well done tattoo is a joy to behold. And all this nonsense about how theyre desecrating your body is a load of bovine excrement. Something that is beautiful is always beautiful. So this guy didnt like it, its him that has the issue. He has a problem obviously. Move on.

If there is one thing I have found over the last 20 years its that as one door closes another unexpectedly opens. If I hadnt been screwed over my my ex I would never have moved to Dumfries and I would never have met my wife. Add to that the fact I would not have my son (who is currently sitting beside me singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.... Aaaaawww). The point I guess is that there is someone there for you. You just have to find them.

User avatar
FrankChurch
Posts: 16283
Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 2:19 pm

Postby FrankChurch » Fri Feb 06, 2009 8:34 am

Usually nothing stops a man from being turned on.

Gwyneth M905
Posts: 1260
Joined: Thu Aug 31, 2006 11:40 pm
Location: San Francisco, California

Postby Gwyneth M905 » Fri Feb 06, 2009 4:43 pm

Yeah, he did write THE sweetest breakup letter EVER... :)
I quote: "...I have agonized over this for some time and have come to the conclusion that I cannot quite seem to get over the body art. This handicap is not something that I am proud of but I cannot seem to shake it off.

The expression of interest and admiration place upon me a large responsibility to do the right thing. It would be very, very selfish of me to exploit that and simply be in the relationship for the extraordinary sex. However, that is not really me. The best thing that I can do is to simply lay it out for you."

I wrote back to him: "...Thank you for your thoughtful and thought-provoking letter. It is actually a relief to receive it, because I sensed that something was wrong, or bothering you. Naming it makes it easier to deal with.

I do care about you, very deeply, as I'm sure you have suspected. A good deal of this caring has been shown by paradoxically leaving you alone to think about things. My "female intuition" was telling me that something was wrong. You are a wonderful, kind, caring, sensual, compassionate, happy and intelligent man. It is a joy for me to be around you.
But the bottom line is that (deep sigh here) if something about me is distasteful to you, a long-term relationship is doomed from the start.

It doesn't mean that you are a bad person or that I am a bad person. From one adult to another, it just means that things do not work out for you. And that is ok.
You are just telling me the truth, and living with authenticity, honesty, and integrity is the only right path.

My multiple surgeries and subsequent medical treatments took a lot away from me as a person. It made me feel that I was no longer in "control" of my own body. Body art and modifications give me my sense of control back. I feel empowered when I can withstand 6 hours of having someone carve a tattoo into my skin, knowing that I am choosing to do this, and that afterward, I will have something that I have chosen, and not a scar, or a painful recovery process waiting for word from a pathologist on the outcome on a biopsy."
I want to learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi Knight, the same as my Father.
STAR WARS (1977)

User avatar
Moderator
Site Admin
Posts: 10607
Joined: Sun Jan 15, 2006 12:17 pm
Contact:

Postby Moderator » Sat Feb 07, 2009 12:50 am

Gwyn -
Extraordinarily well done response. He simply, absolutely doesn't get it.

This isn't one of my 25 fact things, and really nothing for general consumption, but I've got more than a few scars from surgeries myself. (Thankfully, none nearly as serious as yours, but what are small scars for a sick child become large scars on an adult. I have a lateral zipper from my back to my left front side from a childhood kidney operation, with five -- yes five -- inguinal hernia scars mapped out by various doctors over the years.)

Taking back your body is important. No, more than important, it's essential. In ways no one who has never had to look in a mirror and wince can possibly imagine. (I am well overweight now, but in college when I was in genuinely excellent condition I still had body-acceptance issues when it came to the marks.)

So, as much as it pains you to lose the relationship, it is better that he puts a stop to it now. If he cannot accept what is a fundamental need for your own mental/emotional/physical health then he ultimately will not be your permanent partner.

That person, you may be assured, will love the artwork not only for its innate beauty, but for what it means to you -- and it is this latter love that will tell you the answer to the question you first posed at the top of this thread.

My two cents.
- I love to find adventure. All I need is a change of clothes, my Nikon, an open mind and a strong cup of coffee.

User avatar
David Loftus
Posts: 3182
Joined: Fri Aug 20, 2004 2:15 pm
Location: Portland, Oregon
Contact:

Postby David Loftus » Sat Feb 07, 2009 2:00 am

I'm sure it hurts. Real bad. But it seems like such a superficial reason to reject someone over.

So it's either that, and you're well rid of him in the long run, or the body art is an excuse for deeper issues that he, or you, or both of you, really don't need to go into, especially if he doesn't feel it's worthwhile trying to because you're worth it.
War is, at first, the hope that one will be better off; next, the expectation that the other fellow will be worse off; then, the satisfaction that he isn't any better off; and, finally, the surprise at everyone's being worse off. - Karl Kraus

Gwyneth M905
Posts: 1260
Joined: Thu Aug 31, 2006 11:40 pm
Location: San Francisco, California

Postby Gwyneth M905 » Sat Feb 07, 2009 3:08 am

Yeah! Screw him! (I only wish I could...) sigh...
I want to learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi Knight, the same as my Father.
STAR WARS (1977)

User avatar
FrankChurch
Posts: 16283
Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 2:19 pm

Postby FrankChurch » Sat Feb 07, 2009 12:51 pm

Put your head in my chest, you will be fine.

awww

Gwyneth M905
Posts: 1260
Joined: Thu Aug 31, 2006 11:40 pm
Location: San Francisco, California

Postby Gwyneth M905 » Sat Feb 07, 2009 4:00 pm

Thank you, Frankie. :) Now, if you had said "lap"...I would be wondering :shock: :wink:
I want to learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi Knight, the same as my Father.
STAR WARS (1977)

User avatar
Jan
Posts: 1817
Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2004 2:25 pm
Location: Köln

Postby Jan » Sun Feb 08, 2009 11:23 am

Well he did mean chest but didn't specify yet where you're supposed to rest your hands. It's one of Frank's oldest tricks.

Gwyneth M905
Posts: 1260
Joined: Thu Aug 31, 2006 11:40 pm
Location: San Francisco, California

Postby Gwyneth M905 » Sun Feb 08, 2009 1:22 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:

AHAAHHAHAHHAHHHHA

Hey Jan, Can you hop a flight out to SF in time for Valentine's Day?
The Suicide Girls are throwing a party at Supperclub -- the same venue that we went to for the Burning Man party. Lori and I are going and I'd like to invite you too! :D

xoxo

Gwynnie

Frank, you could come too, but you said you had a girlfriend so I'm assuming that you'll be busy.... ;)
I want to learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi Knight, the same as my Father.
STAR WARS (1977)

User avatar
FrankChurch
Posts: 16283
Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 2:19 pm

Postby FrankChurch » Sun Feb 08, 2009 2:27 pm

Jan is married and has 12 kids, you didn't know that? His old lady shoots beer cans off stumps for fun.

User avatar
Jan
Posts: 1817
Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2004 2:25 pm
Location: Köln

Postby Jan » Sun Feb 08, 2009 2:28 pm

Code: Select all

Frank, you could come too, but you said you had a girlfriend so I'm assuming that you'll be busy....

One of his more transparent lies. Wondered when it would finally backfire. :twisted:

You're asking me in the marriage thread to join you on Valentine's day for a sexy party? Gee I wish I could afford the bus to the airport.
Will I get free entrance again because I'm with cool people?


Return to “Webderlanders”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest