A Hankie-Head Hullo

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Davey C
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Postby Davey C » Wed Mar 28, 2007 8:43 am

I gave up coffee and all other caffeine (no mo' daily six o' Mountain Dew fer Davey!) a few years ago, when I was working a second job as a zomboid parked-brain data-entry droidmonkey and was starting to experience CTS symptoms; my chiropractor suggested that caffeine was causing inflammation of the sheath through which the carpal nerve passes, and that pressure on the nerve was what was causing the trouble. He may or may not have been full of shit, but I cut the caffeine cold turkey, didn't suffer at all (like everybody said I would), and the symptoms disappeared, hooray.

This morning, somebody walked past me in the hall with a fresh cup, it smelled good, and I turned around and got me one.

NOW I'M BOUNCIN' OFF THE FUCKIN' WAAAAAAALLLLLLLS JESUS CHRIST JESUS CHRIST JESUS CHRIST JESUS CHRIST JESUS CHRIST
aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!! My nipples!

-Bob Goldthwait

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Postby Moderator » Wed Mar 28, 2007 8:52 am

Davey - Thank God. I was worried you'd never recover.

Frequently-Caffeinated Steve
- I love to find adventure. All I need is a change of clothes, my Nikon, an open mind and a strong cup of coffee.

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David Loftus
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Postby David Loftus » Wed Mar 28, 2007 11:07 am

Funny you should say this.

I just decided to give up caffeine today. No particular reason, just something new to try, along with giving up meat (perhaps; a Pink's hot dog on the 19th will have to be excepted) and soda pop and maybe salmon too, for various different reasons.

But mostly to try a change and shake up the system.

It's my birthday, you see.
War is, at first, the hope that one will be better off; next, the expectation that the other fellow will be worse off; then, the satisfaction that he isn't any better off; and, finally, the surprise at everyone's being worse off. - Karl Kraus

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Davey C
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Postby Davey C » Wed Mar 28, 2007 11:53 am

Well hooray for that too! Today's at least one day when somebody --and I'll take one for the team, here -- should thank you for making the world a better place, with all your wit, wisdom, words, and work.

And good luck with the disencaffeinationism. I was told when I quit that I'd face a couple weeks of headaches, über-grouchiness, and maybe even Intestinal Beleaguerment of one flavor or another, but none of it happened, not even a little. Hope it goes at least as well for the Happy Birthdavid.
aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!! My nipples!



-Bob Goldthwait

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David Loftus
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Postby David Loftus » Thu Mar 29, 2007 12:27 am

Thanks, Davey. I had a wonderful day.
War is, at first, the hope that one will be better off; next, the expectation that the other fellow will be worse off; then, the satisfaction that he isn't any better off; and, finally, the surprise at everyone's being worse off. - Karl Kraus

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Davey C
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My Little Death-Threat Saga

Postby Davey C » Wed Oct 03, 2007 7:28 am

This is a twist on the Nigerian scam with which I was not previously familiar. It is comprised of two posts each from two participants. I hope I acquitted myself honorably:

From: donpynekill147@hotmail.com
Subject: WHY ARE YOU INVOLVED TO BE KILLED,REPLY OR YOU WAIT FOR YOUR DEARTH??
Date: Tue, 28 Aug 2007 14:55:55 +0000

HELLOW,

I NORMALLY INTRODUCE MY SELF BEFORE I EXECUTE MY JOB, AM MR DON FABIANO JUTOLIO
CHICHI, AN ITALIAN CITIZEN, YOU CAN SEE THAT BY MY NAME AND AT THE SAME TIME A
HIRED ASSASSINE (AN ASSASINATOR) THAT IS MY JOB.

I LIKE TO GO STARIGHT TO THE POINT, SOME BODY HAS JUST PAID ME US $350,000.00
(THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND UNITED STATES OF AMERICAN DOLLAR) FOR ME TO
KILL YOU WHILE THE REMAINING BALANCE OF 150,000.00 (ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY
THOUSAND) WILL BE BALANCED AFTER THE JOB TO BE COMPLETED, BUT BEFORE I CARRY ON
MY EXECUTIONS, I NORMALLY LIKE TO HEAR FROM THE PERSON BEFORE HE OR SHE WILL
MEET HIS SUDDEN DEATH, I WILL LIKE YOU TO BRIEF ME THE REASON WHY YOU ARE
INVOLVED/ABOUT TO BE ASSASSINATED?

MY MEN ARE NOW AFTER YOU, THAT IS TO SAY THEY ARE NOW MONITORING YOUR MOVEMENTS
8 OF THEM HAS ARRIVED IN YOUR COUNTRY (THE SPIES TEAM) WHILE THE REMAINING 7
WILL BE ARRIVING NEXT WEEK AND THEY ARE THE EXECUTION TEAM, NOTE ONCE THE
EXECUTION TEAM ARRIVES CONSIDER YOUR SELF AS A DEAD PERSON BECAUSE THEY WILL
NOT ACCEPT ANY OFFER OR WHAT EVER FROM YOU,I WANT TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR
FAMILY MEMBERS MAY BE INVOLVED IF YOU THEIR MAKE ANY REPROT TO THE POLICE OR
ANY ENFORMANT AGENCIES,THAT IS IF YOU REALLY TAKE THIS MATTER TO THE POLICE, I
MEAN ALL YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS WILL BE DEAD WITHIN A SHORT TIME BECAUSE I NEVER
MISS A TARGET AND I HAVE BEEN IN THIS FIELD FOR GOOD 34 YEARS AND SINCE THEN
IVE' NEVER FAILED/DISAPPOINTED ANY OF MY CLIENTS AND THAT IS JUST NATURAL.

SO, BE WARNED TILL I HEAR FROM YOU IF YOU LIKE.
DON FABIANO,




From: David Collins (spacklepants@hotmail.com)
Sent: Wed 8/29/07 2:59 PM
To: allincer@excite.com

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA DON

I FOUND YOU TO BE VERY TINY AND JESUS CHRISTO ALSO AMUSED BESIDE ME ARE MANY.

PORBABLY YOU HAVE BEEN CONSULTED TO MAKE EXPEDITE MY DEATH BECAUSE OF LONG
SEQUENCE OF THE EVENTS I SHALL NOW EXPLAIN BEFROE YOU. I HOPE YOU HAVE BRING A
SNACK.

IN THE YEAR 1970 WHEN I WAS ONE BOY HAVING EIGHT YEARS. I GAVE TO A BEAUTIFULL
BEAUTFULL WOMAN FROM THE UPSTAIRS, IN MY APRATEMENT BIULDING THE SYPHILS WHEN
WE FUCKS AND SHE TOOK THE HOT SPERMS ON HER FACE AND, IN HER EYE AND NOSE ON
THE RIGHT SIDE SHE BECAME OF SYPHILLISS. SHE NAME OF MURBELLA SMILLAGNINE
PEHRAPS YOU HEAR OF HER. SHE IS THE DAUGHTER OF POEWRFUL CONSIGLIERE IN YOURE
COUNTRY . I DID NOT KNOEW THIS WHEN WE FUCK VERY MUCH AND MAKE LOVE ALL I
KNOW IS SHE HAVE THE BREAST ARE HUGE AND SOFT LIKE CARSEATS SHE WAS BELLA BELLA
DONNA YOU SEE. IN UNITED STATE SOF AMERICA WE CURE THE SYLPHISS WITH VERY EASE
AND QUICKLY AND SHE WAS SOON HELTHY AGAIN ANS HAVE NO SCARS ON HER FACE DO NOT
WORRY ONLY ON HER BACK OF HER LEGS AND FUNDAMENT FROM MY BELT.

NEVERTHELSS HER FATHER SEEKS TO HAVE ME ASSASSSNATED FOR SOME REASON WHEN HE
CATCHED MY SIPHYLIS FROM HER AND HE IS SUCSPECTIBELE MORE AND NEARLY DIED AND
CANNOT EAT PROPERLY NOW OR WASTE.

FIRST IN 1972 HE SEND TO ME FOUR (4) DIFFERNT ASSISSINES AND I HAVE KILL THEM
ALL EACH ONE. REMBER THAT I WAS OF TEN YEARS DO YOU NOT SEE ,THAT I AM
SERIOUS? IN FOLLOWING YEARS I WAS GIVEN EACH TIME A YEAR, AT LEAST ONE OR MORE
ATTEMP TO KILL ME BY HIS ASSASSINATORS. AND EACH TIME I KILL THEM INSTEAD.
WHEN I BECAME 15 AND A MAN P. SMILLAGNINE CAUSE TWENTY ASSISINES TO COME TO MY
BIRTHDAY PARTY AND I AM AFRAID I POISON EACH ONE SUCCESSFLY AND NOT ANY PARTY
GUEST AND I SHOT THEIR BUS DRIVER, THRU THE TEMPLE OF HIS HEAD WITH A VIBRATION
DILDO ON THE SLING SHOT. IT WAS INTERESTING ON THIS OCCASION I RECIEVED MY
ONLY EVER INJURY FROM ATTEPTS TO KILL ME. THE ONE MAN WHO I HAVE KILLED
INSIDE TEH HOUSE ON THIS OCCASIONN AS MY FAMILY AND MANY CHILDREN SUNG HAPPY
BIRTHDAY TO ME BEAKS THE WIND AFTER HE HAS DIED AND MY SISTERS PLACED HIS
CORPUS BEND OVER A CHAIR FOR LATER PARTYGAMES. ON BIRTHDAY CAKE CANDLES THE
WIND IGNITED AND I AM BURNED MY HAIR ON FRONT AND THE EYEBROWS FROM THIS!!!!!!
O HOW WE LAUGHED AND MERRYMENT.

I WILL NOT BORE YUO WITH THE SUCCESSIVE YEARS ECXEPT, TO INFORM YOU THAT WHEN I
HAVE BECOME FORTY, I HAS KILLED 761 MEN 38WOMENS, 4 DOGS 1 CAT 1OPPOSSUM 12
CHILDREN AND ALSO SOME TODES WHO LIVE IN SOUTHAMERICA AND MR. BEALE SENT TO MY
BATH TO KILL ME. COMPARED TO ANY THESE PEOPLE AND ANIMAL YOU DONOT HAVE VERY
BIG PENIS EVEN OPOSSUM. I CONFESS I AM NOT VERY CERTAN ABOUT TOADS. ALSO I
HAVE BROKE MANY DEADLY DEVICES.

PERHAPS GOD IN HEAVEN OR MR SATAN WILL KILL ME SOME DAY WHEN I AM 100 OR MORE
BUT NOT YOU SIR. I BELIVE AFTER LUNCHEON TOMORROW I WILL DISEMBOWL EACH OF
YOUR SPIES TEAM (WHO I ALL SPOT IN MINUTES THEY ARE NOT VERY GOOD YOU KNOW)IN
ORDER OF THE ALHPABET AND SEND TO YOU FOR CHRISTMAS NICE PROSCIUTTO MADE FROM
THEIR BODY. IN THE NEXT MONTH, IS THE BIRTHDAY OF MY MOST YOUNG GRAND
DAUGHTER . FOR HER GIFT I THINK I WILL LET HER KILL YOUR SEVEN ASSASSININES,
AND GIVE HER THE SURPIRZE OF SAYING, AFTER THAT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO KILL ANY
MORE TO PROTECT ME MY DEAR LET YOUR SISTERS DO IT. I BELIEIVE SHE FIND IT
BORING. YOU KNOW HOW IT IS WITH THE TEEN AGERS DO YOU NOT.

I HAVE ALREADY PROCURE YOUR ADDRESS AND SOON, YOU WILL RECIVE A LOVELY BOTTLE
IS FILLED WITH MY URINES BY THE POST.

THANK YOU FOR BRIGHTNING MY DAY YOU ARE INSIGNIFICANT TEAT TRY TO BEGIN TO
REALISE YORU POTENTIALE IT IS NEVER TO LATE

S. P. ACKLEPANTS






From: donpynekill147@hotmail.com
To: spacklepants@hotmail.com
Subject: YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR YOUR DEARTH,
Date: Wed, 29 Aug 2007 18:49:48 +0000

HEY DAVID,

YOU DO NOT NEED TO EXPLOW OR ASK ME WHAT MIGHT HAVE CAUSED THIS EVENT BECAUSE
YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR YOUR DEATH BECAUSE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS WITH ME, I MEAN
YOUR DETAILS I HAVE THEM ALL AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION MY MEN ARE NOW MONITORING
YOUR MOVEMENT THREE OF MY MEN (MONITORING TEAM) HAVE ARRIVED IN YOUR COUNTRY
WHILE THE EXECUTION TEAM WILL BE ARRIVING NEXT WEEK AND WHEN THE EXECUTION TEAM
ARRIVES, THAT MEANS YOUR DEATH WILL BE THE NEXT STEP THAT WILL FOLLOW.

FOR YOUR INFORMATION, IF YOU REALLY MAKE A REPORT TO THE POLICE OR TELL ANY
BODY ABOUT THIS, THAT MEANS YOU HAVE CAUSED MORE PROBLEM FOR YOUR SELF WHEREBY
ALL YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS WILL ALSO BE INVOLVED.

WELL BEAR IT IN MIND THAT YOU ARE THE ONE TARGETED AND NOT A MISTAKES.YOU CAN
STILL HAVE A SOLUTION FOR YOUR LIFE TO BE SAVED AND SPARED ONLY IF YOU
CO-OPERATE AS A WISE PERSON AND DO NOT BE A FOOL OR TRYING TO PLAY ANY KIND OF
PRANKS OR SOMETHING STUPID, IF EXCEED MORE THAN THAT MEANS YOU HAVE PROVOKED ME
MORE AND MORE AND I WILL MAKE SURE THAT NOTHING LIKE YOU EXIST IN THIS WORLD
AGAIN AND I WILL FIGHT YOUR GENERATION TO THE END AND NONE OF THEM WILL BE
ALIVE BECAUSE DON FABIANO. NEVER MAKES MISTAKES I KNOW MY WORDS I BELIEVE MY
WORDS AND FINALLY I HEAR MY WORDS CAUSE WE ARE DIEBOLIC,

GET BACK TO DON AS SOON AS YOU RECEIVED THIS MAIL BEFORE I WILL CHANGE MY MIND
ON A SOLUTION TO SAVE YOUR LIFE.

DON FABIANO,
THE KILLER INSTRUCTOR:



From: David Collins (spacklepants@hotmail.com)
Sent: Wed 8/29/07 10:02 PM
To: allincer@excite.com

HALLO LITTEL PUMPKIN

YOU REMIND TO ME OF AN OLD SAYING OF MY PEOPLE ONLY I SHOULD NOT TELL YOU OF IT
FOR IT IS SECRET. HOWEVER I WILL BECAUSE, YOU ARE ''SPECIAL'' IT SAYS ''HOW
MANY PICKLES DO THE GENTLEMANS POKE IN YOUR RECTUM IS HOW MUCH YOU ARE
TALKING''.

ONE OF MY AGENTS IN YOUR COUNTRY BACKTRACE YOUR EMAIL TO LEARN THE IDENTITY OF
YOU AND RESERCH YOU AND FIND YOU NOT VERY TRUTHFUL AND CERTAINEMENT NOT VERY
GOOD YOUR WORK ASSASSINATEING. SHE VOLUNTEER I ASK HER NO SUCH FAVOR AS THIS
HER CODENAME IS, HROSWITHA WATCH FOR IT IN CORESPPONDENCE FROM YORU MANY
CREDITORS IT MEAN I AM FUCKING UP YOUR LIFE SON.

SINCE THIS FINEST MORNING, OF YOUR EARLYER CORESPONDENTS I HAVE SHARE YOU
RLETTER AMONGST MY MANY INTERNATIONALE FRIENDS AND ASSOCIATES WHO DID FOUND IT
VERY AMUSING. MY GOOD FRINDS LUKE AND CHAPPY FREUD SHOULD BE STOPPING WITH
YOUR HOME QUITE THIS EVENING TO REMOVE SOME EARS AND FINGERS FOR THE ENJOYMENTS
. AGAIN I DO NOT ASK THEM THEY ARE VOLUNTIER. IT GIVE TO THEM THE ENJOYMENTS
AND WHO AMI. TO MAKE THEM SAD.

IF YOU SEND ME $349.999 UNTIED STATES OF AMERICAN DOLLERS (I LET YOU KEEP $1
DOLAR FOR YOUR TROUBLES IT IS A TIP FOR SERVANT) AND A CASE THAT MEAN 24 TINS
OR BOTTLE OF SELECTED BEERS, OF YOUR NATIVE LAND WILL I PERMIT YOU TO LIVE
UNTIL THE FIRST DAY OF THE YEAR 2008. AND THEN YOU WILL BROUGHT BEFORE ME TO
FEED MY DOGS OR SOME OF THEM IT DEPEND HOW YOU LARGE. PERHAPSYOU HAVE CHILDREN
IF SO NO DOG OF MINE SHALL HUNGER. ALL READY THEY KNOW YOUR PEOPLES DELICOUS.

YOU WILL VANISH WHENEVER IT PLEASE ME. DO YOU LOVE TO LIFE? I HAVE PASSING
INTEREST IN YOUR ANSWER.

I LOOK FORWARD TO PLAY WITH YOU AS SMALL TOY FOR CHILDRENS

S. P. ACKLEPANTS

Alas, Don Fabiano chose not to purse our exchange beyond this point.
aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!! My nipples!



-Bob Goldthwait

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Davey C
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Re: A Hankie-Head Hullo

Postby Davey C » Thu Aug 27, 2009 3:17 pm

I've fallen way-hay-HAY out of touch with thishyer board over about the past year. Has anything notable happened that some kindly soul might mention in the abstract, so that I might snurfle through the archives to explore it in more thorough detail?

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swp
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Re: A Hankie-Head Hullo

Postby swp » Thu Aug 27, 2009 5:45 pm

Davey C wrote:I've fallen way-hay-HAY out of touch with thishyer board over about the past year. Has anything notable happened that some kindly soul might mention in the abstract, so that I might snurfle through the archives to explore it in more thorough detail?

yeah, some dude from Illinois got elected president. Barney was nearly beside himself with glee...
swp

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Samuel John Klein
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Re: A Hankie-Head Hullo

Postby Samuel John Klein » Thu Aug 27, 2009 8:14 pm

swp wrote:
Davey C wrote:I've fallen way-hay-HAY out of touch with thishyer board over about the past year. Has anything notable happened that some kindly soul might mention in the abstract, so that I might snurfle through the archives to explore it in more thorough detail?

yeah, some dude from Illinois got elected president. Barney was nearly beside himself with glee...


That, and due to catastrophic changes in the Sun, the entire population of the Earth has been moved to Tau Ceti II. It was an amazing undertaking with the help of the ancient astronauts aboard the space ark Erich Von Daniken.

I don't see how you could of missed it. Maybe you were sedated.
Samuel John Klein, your friend, and your friend, and mine too
http://zehnkatzen.blogspot.com samuel.klein@gmail.com
http://twitter.com/SJKPDX
Somewhere in Southeast Portland. The banal part.

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Davey C
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Re: A Hankie-Head Hullo

Postby Davey C » Mon Jul 25, 2011 10:31 am

Sedated. Hee. Once again it's been way too long since I popped in here. As deeply fascinated as I'm sure you all are with the minutiae of my life and lifestyle, I hardly know where to begin listing the incredible milestones I've encountered since last I polluted this space. I'm back on coffee, due to a near-firing when the quality of my work got so horrible even my loving boss had to abandon my back, my corner, and my side. A new mattress and a daily pair of double-shot espressos seem to have put things to rights, hoggeddy hoggeddy.

I'm just about finished amassing the paperwork required to file Chapter Seven, and thereby duck the garnishment of my paycheck by the thuggees of Discover, may their genitals wither and pop off with a sort of *bwit* sound. This would be the third time they've garnished me (in Iowa they can pinch no more than 25% of your net paycheck for no more than three months in a calendar year, and if they wanna keep doing it they've gotta re-initiate the process every year; out of my five or six remaining unsatisfied creditiors, only Discover seems vicious and spiteful enough to bother with it), and we weathered it adequately the first two times, but this year Her Majesty hadn't got a teaching appointment arranged for the fall sememster (you'd think students would be lining up -- virtually, I guess, so maybe e-lining e-up -- outside the registrar's office to enroll in her actually rather fascinating Medieval Sexuality course), and so garnishment would result in a choice between buying groceries or making the house payment.

Shit, that's so depressing I can't continue. Plus I gotta run down the hall. Coff-ee-lax, mayng.

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Davey C
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Re: A Hankie-Head Hullo

Postby Davey C » Mon Feb 06, 2012 11:22 am

Several years backalong, there was a very excellent thread in a blog by Josh (?) illuminating the trials of his kid as he triumphed over a bully and the craptacular handling of the situation by the school's administration. Is that thread still out there someplace? My Google Fu seems to have been hobbled by some kind of fungoid growth.

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Re: A Hankie-Head Hullo

Postby cynic » Tue Feb 07, 2012 5:03 pm

Davey C wrote:Several years backalong, there was a very excellent thread in a blog by Josh (?) illuminating the trials of his kid as he triumphed over a bully and the craptacular handling of the situation by the school's administration. Is that thread still out there someplace? My Google Fu seems to have been hobbled by some kind of fungoid growth.

CLIFFORD METH ?
http://thecliffordmethod.blogspot.com/
follow your bliss,mike

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Davey C
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Re: A Hankie-Head Hullo

Postby Davey C » Fri Feb 17, 2012 2:40 pm

CLIFFORD METH, yeah, that's the bunny. Wow, gonna hafta scrolll WAY on back to find that thread.

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Davey C
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Re: A Hankie-Head Hullo

Postby Davey C » Fri Feb 17, 2012 3:42 pm

Got it. Hell of it is, now I don't even remember why I was so anxious to find it. But profoundest imaginable thanks for your kindly assistance just the same.


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