Spill yer guts.

General discussions of interest to readers and fans of Harlan Ellison.

Moderator: Moderator

Tim Raven
Posts: 255
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 10:30 pm

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Tim Raven » Wed Jul 17, 2013 10:36 pm

Third draft. I'll have to stop now, lest I fuck it up.

Those Glorious Years


Faster, cried the barb to the tip of the spear
I’m hungry for blood but I’m fixed to the rear
Continue my advance in this glorious year...


Hot murder was relentless with no quarter given
Salty flesh caught and torn on both sides unforgiven
Faster, cried the barb to the tip of the spear...


I want it, I need it, that first taste of blood!
I’m forged to this spear far too close to the nub
Continue my advance on this glorious year...


Dead quiet arrived when tension gave in
Both armies destroyed, but which one takes the win?
Faster, cried the barb to the tip of the spear!


The final thrust was delivered and the counter struck clean!
The barb now blooded, her enthusiasm weaned, she cried
Continue my advance in this glorious year!


Behind each twitching foe a great host did appear
Cries from the past and the present rang clear
Faster, cried the barbs to the tips of their spears

Continue our advances in these glorious years!

These glorious years.


Tim Raven

Tim Raven
Posts: 255
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 10:30 pm

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Tim Raven » Sun Jul 21, 2013 3:52 pm

Duane, it was a pleasure meeting you as well. It's good to have an impression of the real person to add to their words here in the forums.

I have full sympathy for the unemployment reality. I was unemployed for three years and blew through all savings and 401K before finally getting a job that paid less than the one I left. Rick Keeney emailed me this Bukowski link, I think you might enjoy reading it. It talks about a theme that I'm very interested in....

http://www.lettersofnote.com/2012/10/pe ... y-out.html

Hang in there, Duane!

Tim

Tim Raven
Posts: 255
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 10:30 pm

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Tim Raven » Mon Jul 22, 2013 10:59 pm

Rigorous

Rick Keeney, that was rigorous. That fucking villanelle was a rigorous trial. It didn’t follow my usual pattern of getting ripped and zapping out something with a kernel of truth, then sort of fixing the grammar and such the next day. Nope, that one hurt, because it was unnatural.

And worth it. I swear, I hated the fucker until the last 20 minutes of writing. It took six weeks to get there. I even posted the version that I kind of hated before figuring out this last bit that made it worth it...

I started with a war poem, then ended up with a poem about fucking.

Here is an interesting phenomenon - I’m not sure if you guys got it. I’m that clueless. I wrote it, did you get the change to the feminine, making it a virgin fuck that is mirrored far into the past and very vocal in the present? He’s the spear, she’s the barb close to the nub? A friend of mine, his name is Denny, said that one of the things that he liked about the stuff that I wrote is that I respected the audience to get it and didn’t beat them about the head with exposition. Another friend James said that I’m not afraid of allegory.

What I’m afraid of is becoming a bloated self-important ARTIST. Shit, Keeney, why do you insist on rigor? Can’t we just spout our poisons with ease and impunity? With not a semblance of discipline? High and drunk all of the time?

Huh?

Thanks for the movie tout, I’ll check it out this week!

High and bloated,

Tim

Tim Raven
Posts: 255
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 10:30 pm

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Tim Raven » Mon Jul 22, 2013 11:03 pm

Oh, I almost forgot.

Feel free to post your vilanelle at any time.

rigor, rigor, rigor!!!

:)

Tim

Tim Raven
Posts: 255
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 10:30 pm

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Tim Raven » Mon Jul 22, 2013 11:17 pm

Rick, I wanted to make this very clear...it was a thrill to write that villanelle. Thanks for the suggestion!

Tim

Tim Raven
Posts: 255
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 10:30 pm

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Tim Raven » Sun Aug 04, 2013 4:30 pm

The Talent Machine

Information
is the meaning of life
Information
Separates chaff from wheat
strong from weak

And too much strife?
Uh uhh
not enough information

informing transformation
a transition
that’s
too troublesome for many
and not transcendent enough for the few
to just simply
become
an informed member
of this talent machine


Tim Raven

User avatar
FrankChurch
Posts: 16283
Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 2:19 pm

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby FrankChurch » Mon Aug 05, 2013 12:04 pm

We are the wolves
Looking for meat
Sating for moonflash
Baying in bogs
Cooing inside rotted logs
Pissing all over nature...

User avatar
Lori Koonce
Posts: 3538
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2007 12:10 pm
Location: San Francisco California
Contact:

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Lori Koonce » Mon Aug 05, 2013 6:40 pm

Today my mood
And the weather have a
Strange symbiosis
Both are cold and grey
And both are going to stay
That way for longer than I'd like

User avatar
FrankChurch
Posts: 16283
Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 2:19 pm

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby FrankChurch » Tue Aug 06, 2013 10:46 am

Lori needs to smile
Dance with the flowers
Sing with the birds
Prance in the hedges
Hold the hand of Gaia.

User avatar
Lori Koonce
Posts: 3538
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2007 12:10 pm
Location: San Francisco California
Contact:

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Lori Koonce » Tue Aug 06, 2013 12:20 pm

Depression is like a wounded dog
No matter how you treat it
It always comes back to you.

User avatar
Ezra Lb.
Posts: 4547
Joined: Wed Sep 01, 2004 8:02 am
Location: Washington, DC

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Ezra Lb. » Tue Aug 06, 2013 3:37 pm

Old and New

The North Winds gust and blow against the hills
who rumble and chuckle at the winds’ pretensions

But the patient winds spend themselves for 10,000 years
til the land lies flat and the dust is swept to the horizon

Then the rains come and spend themselves for 10,000 years
dissolving into clefts and valleys

Shaping hills who rumble and chuckle
while the North Winds gust and blow

Old and new, old and new

On the next exchange will anyone be left to speak of our love?
“We must not always talk in the marketplace,” Hester Prynne said, “of what happens to us in the forest.”
-Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter

Douglas Harrison
Posts: 1036
Joined: Thu Jul 10, 2003 12:26 am

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Douglas Harrison » Thu Oct 03, 2013 8:44 am

About to load lumber,
north of you, frost on the deck,
the fog still abed on the hillside,
I am another day down this
poorly marked trail,
consulting a map roughed out
in my mind, a collection of
landmarks, all faint in the distance.

Douglas Harrison
Posts: 1036
Joined: Thu Jul 10, 2003 12:26 am

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Douglas Harrison » Thu Oct 03, 2013 11:08 pm

I revised the last line:

About to load lumber,
north of you, frost on the deck,
the fog still abed on the hillside,
I am another day down this
poorly marked trail,
consulting a map roughed out
in my mind, a collection of
landmarks, all faint with distance.

--------------

Here's another fragment:

Your names for my philosophy
are the names of the foods you dislike;
the names of the peers who did you wrong;
the names of the school, the town, the job you escaped.

I remind you of your old man.

D.

Tim Raven
Posts: 255
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 10:30 pm

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Tim Raven » Sat Oct 05, 2013 12:07 pm

a rare and dangerous thing

Things that I was taught as a young man
are no longer taught
to young men
like the pursuit of perfection
is an admirable human trait
whilst attaining perfection is a
rare and dangerous thing
and
in this world, an in-between world
which
takes a difficult pinch of the mind to enter
once done this act becomes natural
and
the complicated twists and turns
that I memorized
those were not the keys
after all
the key is anything I choose
and
in the beginning you get everything wrong
and in the end you get everything right

she was a strange wealthy female relative
who wanted to go out
with me in public and
experience normal things
there was a sexual feeling between us
she asked me
to spin her
around and around
unreeling her from a golden cord
and I remember
there was
a vague hint of
seawater
in the air
another
dangerous
thing.

Tim Raven

Tim Raven
Posts: 255
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 10:30 pm

Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Tim Raven » Sat Oct 05, 2013 12:29 pm

There always seems to be a last minute change...


a rare and dangerous thing


Things that I was taught as a young man
are no longer taught
to young men
like the pursuit of perfection
is an admirable human trait
whilst attaining perfection is a
rare and dangerous thing
and
in this world, an in-between world
which
takes a difficult pinch of the mind to enter
once done this act becomes natural
and
the complicated twists and turns
that I memorized
those were not the keys
after all
the key is anything I choose
and
in the beginning you get everything wrong
and in the end you get everything right

she was a strange wealthy female relative
who wanted to go out
with me in public and
experience normal things
there was a sexual feeling between us
she asked me
to spin her
around and around
unreeling her from a golden cord
and I remember
there was
a vague hint of
seawater
in the air
another
rare
and
dangerous
thing


-Tim Raven


Return to “General”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests