Spill yer guts.

General discussions of interest to readers and fans of Harlan Ellison.

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diane bartels
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Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby diane bartels » Thu Apr 25, 2013 5:11 pm

Rick, have been thinking about your poem. I like its directness. It makes me want more details though

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Rick Keeney
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Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Rick Keeney » Thu Apr 25, 2013 8:57 pm

Comment removed by Moderator at poster's request

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Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Moderator » Thu Apr 25, 2013 9:11 pm

My point, and I have one, is that these comments, in both ways, are not welcome in this thread.

I've said this repeatedly and am a little tired of it.

Please, guys, Tim and others are doing something very cool here. A little respect is warranted.
- I love to find adventure. All I need is a change of clothes, my Nikon, an open mind and a strong cup of coffee.

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Chuck Messer
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Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Chuck Messer » Fri Apr 26, 2013 12:53 am

Tim wrote:
I’ve been to Colorado, and the flora and fauna out there are beautiful. I really liked the songbird poem. It evokes that feeling of giant brisk sky that I felt during my time there. I’d suggest that you come up with a good title for this one. I think titles are essential parts of the poem, they can change the entire meaning with a single word. This is unrelated to the thread, but have you ever had dinner at the Buckhorn Exchange in Denver? I really loved that place.


A little background on the poem: I heard the first songbird as I was driving to work. I had to come in early, as a co-worker's son was in the hospital, his life hanging by a thread. Seventeen years old. Brilliant kid. One of life's lights, from what I'm told. This was also not too long after the bombing in Boston. I was driving by the Rocky Mountain Arsenal Wildlife Refuge as I heard that beautiful song. I also saw a Cooper's Hawk gliding overhead. There are hawks and bald eagles out there.

I'll have to think about a title for that one, since there was a lot on my mind when I wrote it. The kid is still alive, but the disease he has is pretty severe. I forgot what it's called, but it's neurological in nature. The doctors are now talking about treating it with chemotherapy. There's a metaphor in there, somewhere.

I've never been to the Buckhorn Exchange, yet. It's one of the things I'd like to do to experience more of my home state, like visiting the Sand Dunes National Park, and The Garden of the Gods.

Chuck
Some people are wedded to their ideology the way nuns are wed to God.

diane bartels
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Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby diane bartels » Fri Apr 26, 2013 7:35 am

Hi Steve, and all. Is it okay to place comments about the poems and responses in this thread or should we do that in the Annex. I am enjoying this thread very much; thanks Tim and all who have been contributing.

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Rick Keeney
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Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Rick Keeney » Fri Apr 26, 2013 10:38 am

I'm not moderating here, Diane, but I think I can answer your question without stepping on anyones toes. ("anyones" is a pronomial l possessive, no?)

Yes, please post responses to poetry here.

Let me know if that answer is outta line.

I'm a teacher, so I hold that pose. But I am not the forum moderator. I think we all know that.

Good edit on the "Ensenada" piece, Raven. More later.

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Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Moderator » Fri Apr 26, 2013 12:18 pm

diane bartels wrote:Hi Steve, and all. Is it okay to place comments about the poems and responses in this thread or should we do that in the Annex. I am enjoying this thread very much; thanks Tim and all who have been contributing.


Rick is exactly right. This is a thread for sharing work and getting responses, thoughts, criticisms and accolades (or any combination).
- I love to find adventure. All I need is a change of clothes, my Nikon, an open mind and a strong cup of coffee.

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Rick Keeney
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Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Rick Keeney » Fri Apr 26, 2013 1:16 pm

Thanks, Steve.

Diane,
Your question regarding more details lacks...details. Give me specifics, and I'll see what I can do. However, I feel that this piece is more about what it evokes in the reader than what I had in mind when I laid it down. I've heard several interesting reactions. Know this, it's not so much what it's about as it is about your response. Unlike Raven's nascent "Ensanada" piece, this is finished...or some editor thought so. I think that makes for interesting conversation. Why did an editor snap it up? Also in contrast to "Off Ensanada", my piece does not relate any specific moment in time or any specific experience.

At any rate, tell me what you want to hear, and tell me more about your reaction. please AND: Did you (Diane) find the poem Raven asked you about?

Not forgetting you, Chuck.

Raven, get well.

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Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Tim Raven » Sat Apr 27, 2013 2:15 am

Four weeks ago I had no assurance that I had a whole lot of time left in this veil of tears. I was ready to go either way.

I remember awakening after the surgery and I was relieved that the reaper was not breathing down my neck. I wrote this one before this last cancer scare. I think it’s still valid. I don’t think any of us treat life with the respect that it deserves.

And I still don't give a shit. It's kinda weird.


Punch Line

I have nothing
I work like a slave every day
and I have nothing
the next interesting thing to happen
to me
will be my death

I can design a bridge
and manage a four year project to the last picayune detail
and I will also
drink every beer in the house
so I make sure the supply is low
or just enough
that it’s inconvenient to get more that night

but one day
the amount of beer in the place
will be more than my body can take
it’s better than getting hit by a bus
because the pain will be slow
and drawn out
and I might be able to
squeeze in a few more beers
before the end.

And that’s the punch line.


Tim Raven

Tim Raven
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Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Tim Raven » Sat Apr 27, 2013 2:27 am

Tan on Toast

women feel very clever
issuing ultimatums
men feel very clever
when they hide the body
so successfully
that the cops
shake their hands
and offer condolences

In case you didn’t get my point
I’ll be blunt
I really don’t like it
when someone shames me
into mowing the lawn

women and men
just like
tan on toast


Tim Raven

Tim Raven
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Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Tim Raven » Sat Apr 27, 2013 2:45 am

Hag-Ridden

I am not as old as they,
these women who cringe from me
that cry and manipulate
and dodge my blows

and

I am not as old as they,
these ancient females
who cling to my blood
and my force of personality

and

I am not as old as they,
who shame me into blood-letting
as they reap the spoils
while goading my rage
and belittling my toil

and

I am not as old as they,
and I will never be.

Never be.

As I stagger under the impossible load
that they designed
specifically
to kill me.



Tim Raven

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Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Tim Raven » Sat Apr 27, 2013 2:58 am

Yeah - twelve beers and a half a bottle of tequila - now that pain in my head is gone. For now.

Tim

diane bartels
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Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby diane bartels » Sat Apr 27, 2013 8:13 am

Rick, what hit me first was how apt it is to say you can't always back out of situations that you hit head on. I thought first of my accident, and then of relationships that I have crashed, some accidently, some on purpose. Then I wondered why 7 people walking in with the "other"; why not 3 or 12. Then I realized, the number doesn't matter. It is the deception - improvised mood that counts. And I have watched a former person walk in with others and act like I wasn't a peanut shell, to which my reaction was hurt and bitterness. But I think my favorite part is the last, because the poem speaker, who is not always but may be in this case,the poet is showing himself not to be deceived by the person the poem is addressed to, who I called the other. I like that part because of its simplicity and colloquium language but especially because of the sense of victory the speaker has to let the other person know the speaker sees through them. At least, that is what I got and I think you conveyed the emotional states very well, which explains why someone jumped on it to print it.
Tim you poem HagRidden got me too. But I need to give my reaction to it a little later.

I know where my poem Chinatown Breezes is. I just have to get it out of the closet along with a couple of others. I love this thread.

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Rick Keeney
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Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Rick Keeney » Sat Apr 27, 2013 1:33 pm

Given symmetry, and a key edit:

For Now

Yeah.
Twelve beers and
a half a bottle of tequila -
now
that pain
in my head
is gone.

For now.

---------------------------------

And you have a sort of poem.

Douglas Harrison
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Re: Spill yer guts.

Postby Douglas Harrison » Sun Apr 28, 2013 12:44 am

There is dust throughout my home,
on every supine surface,
atop most of what I own.

I meant to use these things.
These artifacts.

D.


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