Spill yer guts.
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- FrankChurch
- Posts: 16283
- Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 2:19 pm
Re: Spill yer guts.
Subtle, but good there Douglas.
- Rick Keeney
- Posts: 1099
- Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 4:40 pm
- Location: Minneapolis, MN
Re: Spill yer guts.
Why, Frank?
Why "subtle, but good?"
Examples, please?
Does one preclude the other, as your comment suggests? I am unclear about that oddly contradictory sentence.
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I appreciate the simplicity of your poem, Douglas. Nearly all single syllable words. It's difficult to pack meaning into a 24 word piece. The idea of things undone despite the best of intentions is a common human struggle. A poem that makes the reader think, "Me too." Plus, of all things, A RHYME!! That is refreshing.
It all comes down to dust, doesn't it?
Thanks for sharing.
Now we're all waiting on Diane...tickticktick
Why "subtle, but good?"
Examples, please?
Does one preclude the other, as your comment suggests? I am unclear about that oddly contradictory sentence.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I appreciate the simplicity of your poem, Douglas. Nearly all single syllable words. It's difficult to pack meaning into a 24 word piece. The idea of things undone despite the best of intentions is a common human struggle. A poem that makes the reader think, "Me too." Plus, of all things, A RHYME!! That is refreshing.
It all comes down to dust, doesn't it?
Thanks for sharing.
Now we're all waiting on Diane...tickticktick
- FrankChurch
- Posts: 16283
- Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 2:19 pm
Re: Spill yer guts.
Sometimes subtle gets under your skin more.
I'm far from subtle, but you already knew that.
I'm far from subtle, but you already knew that.
-
- Posts: 1255
- Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2008 7:29 pm
- Location: CHICAGO IL
Re: Spill yer guts.
Rick, my friend, don't hold your breath waiting for me. Sometimes it takes me a long time to do something, especially if it's something I am a little nervous about. I will get some of my poems up here, if not today then tomorrow.
-
- Posts: 1255
- Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2008 7:29 pm
- Location: CHICAGO IL
Re: Spill yer guts.
ok day late but here are some of my poems. Would love feedback.
BELIEVING
Flickering candles emphasize mystery
in a dimly lit gray church
where the soul's flame
fights a cold mind.
Victory is an Act of Faith.
That's one I wrote in college.
BELIEVING
Flickering candles emphasize mystery
in a dimly lit gray church
where the soul's flame
fights a cold mind.
Victory is an Act of Faith.
That's one I wrote in college.
-
- Posts: 1255
- Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2008 7:29 pm
- Location: CHICAGO IL
Re: Spill yer guts.
IN THE MUSIC DEPT.
(for Patrick N and his music)
Down musty corridors where
blended harmonies
shimmer the silence
iridescence or the Music
in unseen corners
sparkles anew.
written for a college friend who played a mean piano
(for Patrick N and his music)
Down musty corridors where
blended harmonies
shimmer the silence
iridescence or the Music
in unseen corners
sparkles anew.
written for a college friend who played a mean piano
-
- Posts: 1255
- Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2008 7:29 pm
- Location: CHICAGO IL
Re: Spill yer guts.
gotta go find the later ones. I'm looking mostly at my college stuff right now.
- Chuck Messer
- Posts: 2089
- Joined: Wed May 21, 2003 9:15 pm
- Location: Lakewood, Colorado
Re: Spill yer guts.
Things have been quiet around here.
Too quiet.
One can hear crickets chirping.
So, here's something I wrote a while back when experiencing one of our Artillery Barrage thunderstorms. The title was "Slice of a Storm", a kind of play on Slice of Life. I don't like the title.
LIGHTNING.
An Air-splitting Nuclear Flash, followed in two seconds by a godawfulwrathofheaven thunderclap. A searing sound that shriveled mere words like "thunder" and "lightning", sounding like an artillery barrage in the front yard. The - for lack of a better word - "thunderclap", was followed by a crackling echo that trampled the countryside and shook every house in its path with a mailed fist.
The echo rumbled off into the distance followed by....
Silence:
The sound of every living thing; even the grass, holding its breath.
Waiting for the black, sagging clouds to reload for another barrage.
** Another Image of the Storm **
Mother Nature.
Not the kindly, large-busted madonna with a garland of flowers in her hair.
More like Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford.
Eyes bugged out, nostrils flared, lips curled back, and brandishing that wicked looking hanger.
"What are you doing coming after me?" I plead from under the dining table. "I didn't build that goddamned interstate! Ask anyone!"
"No excuses!" She bellows.
"And no wire hangers!"
Too quiet.
One can hear crickets chirping.
So, here's something I wrote a while back when experiencing one of our Artillery Barrage thunderstorms. The title was "Slice of a Storm", a kind of play on Slice of Life. I don't like the title.
LIGHTNING.
An Air-splitting Nuclear Flash, followed in two seconds by a godawfulwrathofheaven thunderclap. A searing sound that shriveled mere words like "thunder" and "lightning", sounding like an artillery barrage in the front yard. The - for lack of a better word - "thunderclap", was followed by a crackling echo that trampled the countryside and shook every house in its path with a mailed fist.
The echo rumbled off into the distance followed by....
Silence:
The sound of every living thing; even the grass, holding its breath.
Waiting for the black, sagging clouds to reload for another barrage.
** Another Image of the Storm **
Mother Nature.
Not the kindly, large-busted madonna with a garland of flowers in her hair.
More like Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford.
Eyes bugged out, nostrils flared, lips curled back, and brandishing that wicked looking hanger.
"What are you doing coming after me?" I plead from under the dining table. "I didn't build that goddamned interstate! Ask anyone!"
"No excuses!" She bellows.
"And no wire hangers!"
Some people are wedded to their ideology the way nuns are wed to God.
- FrankChurch
- Posts: 16283
- Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 2:19 pm
Re: Spill yer guts.
This aint me, this is the soul artist Van Hunt. Good stuff:
She sleeps with the moonlight under her head And the stars to keep her warm Far from the noise and the world below She comes to me in my dreams like a love song And I awake only to hear her go
Somewhere along the way I lost the melody And I don't want the birds to sing, sing it to me
'Cause I love to hate the feeling Don't wanna deal with the morning after What can I say to keep it down? What can I say to keep it down? What can I say to keep your love around me?
Nice.
She sleeps with the moonlight under her head And the stars to keep her warm Far from the noise and the world below She comes to me in my dreams like a love song And I awake only to hear her go
Somewhere along the way I lost the melody And I don't want the birds to sing, sing it to me
'Cause I love to hate the feeling Don't wanna deal with the morning after What can I say to keep it down? What can I say to keep it down? What can I say to keep your love around me?
Nice.
-
- Posts: 1260
- Joined: Thu Aug 31, 2006 11:40 pm
- Location: San Francisco, California
Re: Spill yer guts.
The Witch (ottava rima - after Blake)
Blinded by the Inquisition's holy Might,
The Purger's source of Carnal'ty Remark'd,
"Although I now can never See the Light,
I have no need to fear the waiting dark."
Though Fire consum'd her Form before his sight
It could not the Lust within the Patriarch.
And who's to say which One did burn in Hell --
The witch, or Him on whom was cast her spell?
******************************************************************
Take Back the Night Rally
Nothing like that has ever happened to me, but
in some ways I understand violation
(words bound like a foot upon themselves
their meaning bent underneath and festering)
I can't say anything like that has happened to me
(lips sewn like the ripped edges of a vagina
left to fester under urine-soaked bandages)
I can't say that (something like that happened --
in some ways that happened to me)
I understand violation but, I can't say anything.
****************************************************************************
For Trust Betrayed
If I could
I would call the moon
to stare through your window
and drive you mad.
If I dared
I would bring down the fire
in a fennel-stalk
to burn your fields.
If I told the wind
to cut your skin
I would bring the salt
to bind your wounds.
If mine were the lot
to watch you jump
I would turn my back
to the cliff's edge
and pick a blade of grass
to mark your grave on the wind.
*************************************************
Eros/Iræ
Strong body
firm, warm boy-body
man's body. Held a woman
tight against you, snug and safe
the golden firelight touching you
like the fine harp-strings of her hair.
Chest and shoulders broad and
oiled with the sweat of the move-
ment of your thighs together - yours
and hers. Thighs and lean hips
and bellies curving to a point --
you arched together in the firelight.
Bent body
stiff, cold boy-body --
man's body. Hold the earth
tight against you, lost and mired
the cold moonlight riming you
like the coarse rain-drops from the sky
Chest and shoulders twisted and
shattered by the shrapnel from the move-
ment of your troops together - yours
and his. Troops and bloody lips
and eyes staring at a point
You arch alone in the moonlight.
***************************************
Fragmented
If this were a just world
All love created equal
I would not need to study the ground
when you walk past.
Blinded by the Inquisition's holy Might,
The Purger's source of Carnal'ty Remark'd,
"Although I now can never See the Light,
I have no need to fear the waiting dark."
Though Fire consum'd her Form before his sight
It could not the Lust within the Patriarch.
And who's to say which One did burn in Hell --
The witch, or Him on whom was cast her spell?
******************************************************************
Take Back the Night Rally
Nothing like that has ever happened to me, but
in some ways I understand violation
(words bound like a foot upon themselves
their meaning bent underneath and festering)
I can't say anything like that has happened to me
(lips sewn like the ripped edges of a vagina
left to fester under urine-soaked bandages)
I can't say that (something like that happened --
in some ways that happened to me)
I understand violation but, I can't say anything.
****************************************************************************
For Trust Betrayed
If I could
I would call the moon
to stare through your window
and drive you mad.
If I dared
I would bring down the fire
in a fennel-stalk
to burn your fields.
If I told the wind
to cut your skin
I would bring the salt
to bind your wounds.
If mine were the lot
to watch you jump
I would turn my back
to the cliff's edge
and pick a blade of grass
to mark your grave on the wind.
*************************************************
Eros/Iræ
Strong body
firm, warm boy-body
man's body. Held a woman
tight against you, snug and safe
the golden firelight touching you
like the fine harp-strings of her hair.
Chest and shoulders broad and
oiled with the sweat of the move-
ment of your thighs together - yours
and hers. Thighs and lean hips
and bellies curving to a point --
you arched together in the firelight.
Bent body
stiff, cold boy-body --
man's body. Hold the earth
tight against you, lost and mired
the cold moonlight riming you
like the coarse rain-drops from the sky
Chest and shoulders twisted and
shattered by the shrapnel from the move-
ment of your troops together - yours
and his. Troops and bloody lips
and eyes staring at a point
You arch alone in the moonlight.
***************************************
Fragmented
If this were a just world
All love created equal
I would not need to study the ground
when you walk past.
- NeonMosfet
- Posts: 259
- Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2005 12:36 am
- Location: E=MaCy^2
- Contact:
Re: Spill yer guts.
Those were pretty good. I like those.
-
- Posts: 1260
- Joined: Thu Aug 31, 2006 11:40 pm
- Location: San Francisco, California
Re: Spill yer guts.
NeonMosfet wrote:Those were pretty good. I like those.
Thank you, Neon!

Re: Spill yer guts.
Yes Gywneth very nice indeed!
Hey NeonMosfet welcome back to you too!
I love it when the place fills up with womenfolk.
Hey NeonMosfet welcome back to you too!

I love it when the place fills up with womenfolk.
“We must not always talk in the marketplace,” Hester Prynne said, “of what happens to us in the forest.”
-Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter
-Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter
Re: Spill yer guts.
Ezra Lb. wrote:Yes Gywneth very nice indeed!
Hey NeonMosfet welcome back to you too!
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I love it when the place fills up with womenfolk.
Woohooo!
Glad to have these voices return to the fold.
- I love to find adventure. All I need is a change of clothes, my Nikon, an open mind and a strong cup of coffee.
-
- Posts: 1255
- Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2008 7:29 pm
- Location: CHICAGO IL
Re: Spill yer guts.
Excellent poems, Gwynn. Thanks for sharing.
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