Depression

General discussions of interest to readers and fans of Harlan Ellison.

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Re: Depression

Postby Moderator » Sun Apr 27, 2014 1:37 pm

Ben W. wrote:Chuck,

There's a high possibility your post might have saved my life. Or, at the very least, deterred me from doing something drastic. I'm frightened of money, but more importantly, I'm frightened of those who want it, and those who already have it.

If anyone else here has ever read SEIZE THE DAY (or seen the movie)...well, let's just say the lead character's father is the one kind of human being I fear the most, and loathe the most. I couldn't share the same room with such a person without murdering them instantly, inevitable life sentence be damned.



Ben -- This is one of my all-time favorite films. I know precisely the character you reference and feel exactly the same.

They key is to understand that they are too far gone to really deal effectively with, and the damage they do can only be mitigated. The best way I've found is to support the people they impact, and leave the "father-types" the fuck alone. It's served me well over the years.

It seems that someone like the father is adversely impacting your life.

Obviously we don't know and should not ask for the details, but the best course of action is to wait for time to fill in those gut-churning moments of terror. I used to have them at 2am, when nothing could be done save my worry myself into hours of insomnia and accomplish nothing. Then, in the morning, I was usually surprised at how different things looked.

I figure this is advice you've heard repeatedly from others, but reinforcing the message is never a bad idea.

As Keeney says: please stick around.
- I love to find adventure. All I need is a change of clothes, my Nikon, an open mind and a strong cup of coffee.

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Re: Depression

Postby diane bartels » Sun Apr 27, 2014 8:29 pm

I agree Ben, with Steve and Rick and everyone else - Stick around please

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Re: Depression

Postby Ben W. » Mon Apr 28, 2014 5:55 pm

Barber wrote:It seems that someone like the father is adversely impacting your life.


Not one person in particular, no, but I occasionally project his face onto different individuals. Sometimes it's my parents, sometimes my employer, sometimes my professor, but it always adds up to the same thing: an imperious, Darwinian contempt for failure and loserdom. Joseph Wiseman's performance was amazing to the same extent Anthony Perkins as Norman Bates was amazing; it's authentic to the point of being genuinely painful to watch. In my opinion, Dr. Adler was about as evil as a man could get without doing anything illegal, and yes, he's become something of a weird cinematic boogeyman to me, far more insidious than any Freddy Krueger or Hannibal Lecter. Capitalistic narcissism is the kind of banal wickedness that gets under my skin in more ways than one. I only hope Mr. Wiseman took a brief sabbatical from stage and screen just to recuperate from portraying such a horrible man.

And before you ask, yes...I do identify with some aspects of Robin Williams's character. My friends and family aren't nearly as horrible as the ones Wilky knew in the movie, but I can't help wondering how long it will be before my inability to become a self-sufficient ubermensch will turn them all into the same manner of non-lethal predator as Wilky's father. As I grow older and the expectations around me mount, I become increasingly unsure if my darker urges are sincere, or just melodramatic. Just today I was accused of being like the boy who cried wolf. Maybe suicide contemplation is a messy, blurred hybrid of both; the ache for oblivion, accompanied by the fear of it, leaving the bile nowhere to go except out of the mouth in a geyser of theatrical histrionics. You're expected to follow obligations when you reach a particular age, and if you fail to meet those obligations, you're expected to bear the brunt of the humiliation without ever pulling the trigger on yourself (metaphorically or literally, who cares). But talk about simplifying matters by checking out altogether, and you scare your family out of their minds leaving you to deal with guilt on top of all the other bullshit.

We're born into life as a square peg, and if some of us happen to fit into a square hole, such individuals should consider themselves lucky as hell. Dr. Adler wanted his son to be a doctor, but he wasn't wired that way. So he was hammered into a round hole, and the sloppy, inarticulate, rage-choked mess of a man was the result. I've been in such spiritual discomfort for so long, I wonder if I've been likewise hammered into the wrong hole.

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Re: Depression

Postby FrankChurch » Tue Apr 29, 2014 12:31 pm

Ben, dear Ben, I'm about as poor as they get but remain happy. Rely on things that are more important--books, other people, movies, art, nature, blue skies, the coming summer. Money is a means to power not much else. Fighting against the enemy is fun. Have fun with us and remember that life is the ultimate gift.

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Rick Keeney
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dialogue

Postby Rick Keeney » Fri May 02, 2014 10:57 pm

Ben, I'm wondering if you prefer us to simply listen, or if it's acceptable to you for us to take issue with your position in a constructive and helpful manner.

Respectfully. Always.

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Re: dialogue

Postby Ben W. » Sat May 03, 2014 6:49 am

Rick Keeney wrote:Ben, I'm wondering if you prefer us to simply listen, or if it's acceptable to you for us to take issue with your position in a constructive and helpful manner.


Whichever works better for you. I just write to keep myself sane.

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Re: Depression

Postby reddragon70 » Thu May 08, 2014 5:09 am

One of my friends posted a very good link to a UK Charity called MIND on Facebook.

The link is for information about suicidal thoughts. Its very interesting reading and very informative.

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-supp ... 2tlJFePO_Z

I hope it works for those outside the UK, I know the internet can be a problem with some regions of the world.

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Re: Depression

Postby Keendawg » Thu Aug 14, 2014 6:32 am

reddragon70 wrote:One of my friends posted a very good link to a UK Charity called MIND on Facebook.

The link is for information about suicidal thoughts. Its very interesting reading and very informative.

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-supp ... 2tlJFePO_Z

I hope it works for those outside the UK, I know the internet can be a problem with some regions of the world.


The link works, dragon.

I don't know where you all are with Robin Williams' passing. I can only understate my emotional response to all of this. Thankfully, I get very happy thoughts when I think of the man. His impact on my life experience is profound. Thank goodness he's left behind such a stunning visual testimony. That was a monumental life.

The meanness that I've heard about has been easy to ignore. The world is simply full up with stupid people. No surprises there, hey?

Keeney

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Re: Depression

Postby Steve Evil » Tue Aug 19, 2014 2:40 pm

The figure of the clown "laughing on the outside" is far from a cliché. So many comedians and funny-men lived lives of anguish - as if they were trying that much harder to drive away darkness that was that much deeper. I also think many of them recognized the fundamental absurdity of so much of life in ways that more contented people don't.

That Williams could finally crack, after being that long and being that successful just shows that we're never really in the clear, and can never really let our guard down. . .

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FrankChurch
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Re: Depression

Postby FrankChurch » Tue Aug 19, 2014 4:41 pm

I imagine the exact moment when he did what he did and it is really haunting. Gives me the creeps, because you cannot imagine Robin Williams doing that.

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Ben W.
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Re: Depression

Postby Ben W. » Thu Aug 21, 2014 1:24 pm

Well...there really isn't a whole lot left to say, is there?

I know I've already referenced Robin's performance in SEIZE THE DAY, but anyone who's also seen WORLD'S GREATEST DAD, GOOD WILL HUNTING, or ONE HOUR PHOTO will know the vulnerability and darkness he displayed in the Saul Bellow adaptation wasn't a singular thing. I doubt I'll ever be capable of returning to any of those films, now knowing that shit was real.

Nope, it's ALADDIN and MORK & MINDY viewings for this fan from now on.

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Re: Depression

Postby Moderator » Thu Aug 21, 2014 5:02 pm

Ben W. wrote:Well...there really isn't a whole lot left to say, is there?

I know I've already referenced Robin's performance in SEIZE THE DAY, but anyone who's also seen WORLD'S GREATEST DAD, GOOD WILL HUNTING, or ONE HOUR PHOTO will know the vulnerability and darkness he displayed in the Saul Bellow adaptation wasn't a singular thing. I doubt I'll ever be capable of returning to any of those films, now knowing that shit was real.

Nope, it's ALADDIN and MORK & MINDY viewings for this fan from now on.


I sincerely doubt I'll be able to watch WHAT DREAMS MAY COME for many years. It, like the films you mention, strikes terribly close to home.
- I love to find adventure. All I need is a change of clothes, my Nikon, an open mind and a strong cup of coffee.

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Re: Depression

Postby Steve Evil » Mon Sep 15, 2014 12:27 pm

Ever just feel weighed down by events? To the extent you feel like going into hibernation, rather than taking necessary action. . . It's a paradoxical, self perpetuating instinct I know, but I just can't seem to help it. . .

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Re: Depression

Postby Steve Barber » Mon Sep 15, 2014 1:04 pm

Steve Evil wrote:Ever just feel weighed down by events? To the extent you feel like going into hibernation, rather than taking necessary action. . . It's a paradoxical, self perpetuating instinct I know, but I just can't seem to help it. . .


Yes. It comes with being alive, I suppose.

Best I can come up with is taking things one at a time, it's when events and circumstances all come crashing in simultaneously that it's overwhelming.

My own technique, other than separating things into solitary projects, is to ask myself "will this have an impact on me tomorrow? Next week? A year from now? A decade?"

Once I answer that, I know where my energy needs to go.
All I need is a change of clothes, my Nikon, an open mind and a strong cup of coffee.

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Chuck Messer
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Re: Depression

Postby Chuck Messer » Wed Oct 08, 2014 1:04 am

For the past month -- more than a month -- I have been stuck working 12-hour graveyard shifts. I'm tired all the time, dizzy half the time. I have no life outside work, except on weekends, during which I still feel tired. I've got at least the rest of this month to go and all my reserves are used up. At the same time, my insurance company has forced me to use their prescription "service", I can no longer afford to get my scrips at the King Soopers pharmacy, so I'm dealing with faceless company bureaucrats to get my meds. I've been without my depression meds and am waiting for them to show up in the mail, along with my cholesterol meds. So, there's that. Whoopee! The insurance companies have found a whole new way to dick with their customers!

Needless to say, I'm pretty goddamn low. I don't know how much longer I can last.

Chuck
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