Depression

General discussions of interest to readers and fans of Harlan Ellison.

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FrankChurch
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Re: Depression

Postby FrankChurch » Mon Nov 26, 2012 4:43 pm

You ladies might all like this, it has a calming effect:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCc8wyBBsbA

wonder where they got all that foam rubber.

reddragon70
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Re: Depression

Postby reddragon70 » Thu Dec 06, 2012 10:04 am

Seem to be taking two steps forward and one back right now.

The lunatic I am divorcing keeps moving the goal posts on what we agree for the financial settlement. And usually after I agree to whatever she has demanded. So I am now forced back to square one, and the possibility of fighting through the legal system. All due to her greed and unreasonable attitude. So much for where I was a few weeks ago, when we both agreed to her proposed settlement. That's the third time she has rejected her own proposal....

Feel like running away, just emigrating and leaving that bitch to deal with the mess herself.

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Re: Depression

Postby Moderator » Thu Dec 06, 2012 10:15 am

Not to make light Iain, but when did you marry a Republican member of Congress?

I am a firm believer in getting things handled and moving on. Period. This whole back and forth, with continually redrawn lines in the sands smacks of (as you noted) greedy hypocrisy.

Sorry to hear the travails have resumed. Hopefully you can pull things to an end before the end of the year and start fresh. Good luck.
- I love to find adventure. All I need is a change of clothes, my Nikon, an open mind and a strong cup of coffee.

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Steve Evil
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Re: Depression

Postby Steve Evil » Fri Dec 07, 2012 5:16 pm

I'd get it all in writing if at all possible, signed and stamped. Otherwise who knows what she'll end up demanding. . .

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Re: Depression

Postby reddragon70 » Sat Dec 08, 2012 8:18 am

in the UK if she were to sign anything it means nothing if she can claim she did so without seeking legal advice.

However, is Scotland a verbal agreement is regarded as legally binding and a "gentlemans agreement".

WHich is a bit confusing. So far we have reached agreements three times. Then she has broken said agreements. In fact her lawyer is demanding that this does not get mentioned in the divorce proceedings.... I wonder why?

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Steve Evil
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Re: Depression

Postby Steve Evil » Sat Dec 08, 2012 12:53 pm

What does your lawyer say?

If they're verbal "gentleman's agreements" (would that apply to a lady?), I'd get them recorded, with witnesses present, or otherwise refuse to make them.

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Re: Depression

Postby reddragon70 » Sat Dec 08, 2012 4:47 pm

I am seriously thinking of having a witness next time she wants to discuss matters. Just so I have a witness that an agreement was reached and the exact wording of the agreement. Its either that or I request a meeting with lawyers present. Not a good idea as it seems to be get lawyers instructing her to do things.

I have been fair and reasonable. She hasn't in my humble opinion. To such an extent we are now back to square one.

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Re: Depression

Postby Moderator » Sun Dec 09, 2012 9:16 am

Unfortunately, my guess is that she would refuse to discuss an agreement with a witness there. Clearly that's her angle here: agree, then the lawyers come in "not so fast". I'm have your lawyer insist upon the multiple backtracks as part of the legal record. In America there's what is called "bad faith" in bargaining. Not sure if it applies to divorce proceedings (in fact I'd guess it doesn't) but I'd argue for it regardless. Understanding the process of divorce is beyond me -- but I'll relay Harlan's advice to anyone going through it: "Get the baddest, meanest, orneriest motherfucker you can find to represent you".

In more than a handful of friends' divorces I've seen, this as the only real and true method to keep from getting screwed.
- I love to find adventure. All I need is a change of clothes, my Nikon, an open mind and a strong cup of coffee.

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Re: Depression

Postby reddragon70 » Thu Dec 13, 2012 2:33 am

It seems she is ready for yet another one of her "offers". Got a message from her stating so anyway.

I wonder what she is going to try and sneak into it this time. :(

Anyway, if nothing else at least I may have a full and final settlement before christmas. That would be a great weight off my mind if nothing else.

I doubt it though, seeing as her last offers were accepted by me then rejected by her. We shall see.

reddragon70
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Re: Depression

Postby reddragon70 » Wed Dec 19, 2012 1:09 pm

Well I was right about one thing.... She did sneak something into the agreement. This time to do with contact with my son. She wants me to have him a full weekend a month. That is in fact every weekend off I currently have. That is no a case of me blowing things out of proportion. That is a fact.
Now dint get me wrong, I love my son deeply. I want to see him as much as I can, but this will leave me affectively either working shifts or having my son. I would have no life other than that. This smells like subtle control to me.

I have suggested I will have him every second long weekend I have off. Plus my normal days through the week as I am able to. I I i am being fair, mostly to my son, to hell with her....

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Ben W.
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Re: Depression

Postby Ben W. » Wed Jan 02, 2013 12:46 pm

Maddox, famed internet personality, humorist, sensationalist, and spearhead for the new wave of 21st century "machismo", targets individuals who commit suicide merely to give someone a guilt trip:

http://thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.c ... cide_blame

Dismiss Maddox as a glorified troll all you like, but I feel there's a genuine sincerity running through this particular article, and that's why I find it sort of troubling. I wouldn't kill myself to deliberately inflict guilt on people; if anything, that's one of the reasons I've been avoiding suicide. The inevitable misery and pain I'd bring upon my loved ones always stops me short from taking that last, destructive step. In my case, suicide is only about getting out. Anyone else here seen Oliver Stone's U-TURN? Remember the scene when a feverish, desperate Sean Penn attempts to purchase a train ticket to escape from the hellish town he finds himself stranded in? That's me when it comes to suicide; I simply want to get out. Away from the shame, away from the guilt, away from the humiliation, away from the endless grey, sordid bullshit life serves to me with a smile.

But no. Maddox puts forward in his piece that suicide would only bring about further mockery and humiliation upon me even in death. Ridiculed in life, ridiculed in the grave...it makes you feel pretty fucking despondent after a while.

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Re: Depression

Postby Moderator » Wed Jan 02, 2013 1:07 pm

I have an absolutely serious question, and hope it doesn't come across as trivializing or dismissive. And not just directed at Ben, but anyone who shares his frustrations with life. And, as I'll note below, I am not including Depression as a root cause of suicidal thoughts -- that's a wholly different animal.

Before asking, let me set some ground work. I was raised in a military family, and moving was a constant while I grew up. Every two years or so we would take off, quite often across continents or oceans. (With only two exceptions, each and every move exceeded 2500 miles. The two exceptions were to other houses within the same geographic area -- one a couple of miles, the other literally to the house next door. But no more than a year and a half in either of them.)

So perhaps it's easier for me to think of relocation as an escape.

Secondly, I am tied down by quite a bit which makes me happy. My friends, my neighborhood, and of course my wife's immediate family, who all generally hail from this neck of the woods. Moving elsewhere, back east for instance, would entail quite a bit of unhappiness because of what would be left behind.

So maybe I just don't get it.

But the question is this: if your life is difficult and overwhelming, what stops from just closing out the bank account, selling off your remaining stuff and just grabbing a bus to somewhere to start again?

(I'm deliberately not including Depression as a source of the suicidal thoughts -- I fully understand has its own series of challenges which cannot be corrected by a change in scenery.)

It's what I would consider were the shoes on my feet. I'm not encouraging it, but I am wondering why this isn't an option for others who find themselves so overwhelmed by their current situation that ending your life is a viable alternative.
- I love to find adventure. All I need is a change of clothes, my Nikon, an open mind and a strong cup of coffee.

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Lori Koonce
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Re: Depression

Postby Lori Koonce » Wed Jan 02, 2013 1:45 pm

Having recently had a bout where I went through my room making sure there was not one thing I could swallow or otherwise use to harm myself; let me take a stab at that one.

IMO' suicide is a way of looking at things as much as it is an action. If you don't change the underlying attitude it really doesn't matter where you put the body. My last and most successful attempt was over twenty years ago. But, I still find myself thinking about it at times. Instead of letting my mind dwell on it; I now know that I have to go find a friend or two and distract myself enough to have the feeling ebb.

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FrankChurch
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Re: Depression

Postby FrankChurch » Wed Jan 02, 2013 1:50 pm

Lori, hope you, Diane and Gwyn will be more happy this year. Grey skies clash with red swizzle sticks.

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Lori Koonce
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Re: Depression

Postby Lori Koonce » Wed Jan 02, 2013 3:17 pm

Well, Frank to be honest, I kinda like the red and grey color combo if I am honest. I havea unique way of seeing things that would be gone if I didn't have the depression. It's dealing with the negative aspects that is the problem IMHO.


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