Depression

General discussions of interest to readers and fans of Harlan Ellison.

Moderator: Moderator

User avatar
Lori Koonce
Posts: 3538
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2007 12:10 pm
Location: San Francisco California
Contact:

Re: Depression

Postby Lori Koonce » Mon Aug 13, 2012 12:35 pm

Ben

My email address is on my profile, and I'm more than willing to listen to what you have to say. I know for me sometimes talking through things like this help me to figure out how I feel about a subject.

reddragon70
Posts: 516
Joined: Wed Oct 15, 2008 5:06 am

Re: Depression

Postby reddragon70 » Mon Aug 13, 2012 12:52 pm

Well, I feel like a massive weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Donna has agreed to what estate agent will sell the house, what lawyer will deal with all the legal gubbins, that she will pay her share of repairs and any fees required to sell the house and how much maintenance I have to pay for my son. Phew.

Mind you I did have to chase her and force the issue, but I had to for my own peace of mind.

Now I just need to get this place to sell for about £200,000 and I am laughing. Not going to be easy in this rather turgid housing market, but that is how much I need it to sell for so that is how much I am holding out for. After all the longer I am here, the less there is on the mortgage.

diane bartels
Posts: 1255
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2008 7:29 pm
Location: CHICAGO IL

Re: Depression

Postby diane bartels » Mon Aug 13, 2012 8:47 pm

Iain, I am glad Donna is being more reasonable. It will be better for your little boy, as well as both of you. You sound more chipper, more like your old self

User avatar
FrankChurch
Posts: 16283
Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 2:19 pm

Re: Depression

Postby FrankChurch » Tue Aug 14, 2012 10:33 am

What Diane said.

reddragon70
Posts: 516
Joined: Wed Oct 15, 2008 5:06 am

Re: Depression

Postby reddragon70 » Wed Aug 15, 2012 5:02 pm

She isnt being much more reasonable, I had to force the issue to get anything done. And she stalled on doing house repairs, which may only total a couple of hundred pounds.

Frankly the sooner I get that bitch gone from my life the better.

reddragon70
Posts: 516
Joined: Wed Oct 15, 2008 5:06 am

Re: Depression

Postby reddragon70 » Mon Aug 20, 2012 5:01 am

Well it gets better and better.

My son informed me that he went into her bedroom at the new place and found her and Andy in bed together. What a surprise.

I have spoken to my lawyer, who informed me that yes it is still classed as adultery even though we are separated. Though I would be hard pressed to prove it. A six year old is not a credible witness I am afraid and I dont want him being dragged into court and have to go through that. I could hire an investigator and have the place watched but that would cost a lot of money, and it wouldnt change anything, she would still get the same share of the house as before.

I sent her a message saying "I would prefer that you didnt sleep with Andy when my son is there", which given the circumstances is not nasty, or unpleasant. It is just a statement of fact. She has been complaining on FB to her pals about it. Andy also had the nerve to call me "Scum" for the message. All of which has been printed out to be used as evidence.

I am really starting to realise that the cause of my depression or stress or whatever it was, it was down to that pair. Yeah I was stressed with my job, but Donna was no support at all, and all she did was run to Andy constantly. Which made things so much worse. Now I know why. And now I am goingto fight like a demon to make sure my son is ok, and that he is not messed up by his mothers fucked up behaviour. Also I am fighting to get as much from the house as I can, I need to rebuild and to do that I need my investment back.

User avatar
Lori Koonce
Posts: 3538
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2007 12:10 pm
Location: San Francisco California
Contact:

Re: Depression

Postby Lori Koonce » Mon Aug 20, 2012 12:18 pm

Ian

Have you considered making screen shots the offending FB pages?

No son's involvement, and you get the words right from the horses mouth so to speak.

reddragon70
Posts: 516
Joined: Wed Oct 15, 2008 5:06 am

Re: Depression

Postby reddragon70 » Mon Aug 20, 2012 1:02 pm

Lori I have done that. And told my lawyer about it, he said I should avoid posting anything myself and what Andy said can be used as evidence.

The sad thing is that my son is telling me all the shit that Donna does and it tears me apart. The woman I loved for 8 years is gone now. What is there is a selfish bitch who only seems to want to spend time with a waster. And worse sleeps with that waster so my son can see it.

I only wish I could get custody, but with my work that would be impossible. Her instability and frankly rather damaging ways are really starting to show.

Anthony Ravenscroft
Posts: 490
Joined: Sun May 07, 2006 4:04 am
Location: Crookston, MN
Contact:

Re: Depression

Postby Anthony Ravenscroft » Sun Aug 26, 2012 9:25 am

If Donna &/or Andy go on official record denying that there's been any such hokey-pokey going on, then this puts them in the legal hotseat, & some judges do NOT look kindly on being lied to.

Yah, when my marriage was disintegrating twenty years ago, the shrink I saw saved my sanity, simply by saying, "It sounds like you're just depressed about some depressing things!"

I've been going through a month of depression for no single-huge-hairy reason. I'm reasonably healthy, just bought a nice little house, my cats are happy, the job sucks but pays reasonably well & is in no danger... I mean, nothing there.

But all the little niggly worries -- overhauling the fusebox, geting the trees pruned, new storm windows, refinishiung the floor of one room, planning out some masonry work for next year -- sorta stood on each other's shoulders & next thing I know I had a golem staring down at me in a not-pleasant manner. My sleep went all to hell, which of course did nothing to REDUCE the stress. Kept forgetting to eat -- my job is very physical & I easily burn 6,000 calories a day -- & stopped going to the gym for structured exercise.

Then, two weeks ago, I picked up an old cat-toy, & Max (my Christmas Eve 2011 cat) pounced on it. He's a stodgy old fart & the LAST cat I'd expect to go all kittenish.

After a bit of this, Max nuzzled me & walked away for water, & I sat down & cried for ten minutes. He'd reminded my of his predecessor Ouja, who'd died 03 Dec 2010, & all the times I coulda played with Ouja, too but spent on important BS like television dramas & hanging out at the bar.

So after feeling sorry for myself -- actually a great therapeutic tool when used properly -- I dug in my heels. Started dashing off imperfect lists of SHOULD DO SOON or OUGHT TO DO BY SNOW or whatever, then crossed off redundancies & stacked the surviving items into loose priority. Dug through the week's mail to ensure I hadn't overlooked any bills... then opened the bills... then threw out the chaff... then stacked them over the checkbook right next to the computer. Went out & bought an orange-based low-fume stripper for that floor. Bought a big strong folding table to temporarily organize my stuff (it'll be great in the back yard next year). Gritted my teeth & ordered a sofa that me & the cats alike will be happy with for the next few years. Successfully readjusted three guitars that'd been defying me, so now I'll at least have a chance of selling 'em for ~$1,000 total -- more cash, more room, an all-round win. Bought better dry food for the cats, & let 'em have more time in the well-fenced backyard. And made it to the gym for at least a half-hour at least every-other day.

I can't say as I feel GOOD... but I certainly feel markedly BETTER.

diane bartels
Posts: 1255
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2008 7:29 pm
Location: CHICAGO IL

Re: Depression

Postby diane bartels » Sun Aug 26, 2012 9:38 am

Good for you Anthony. Sometimes taking action any constructive action can keep the depression at bay.
Diane

User avatar
Ben W.
Posts: 443
Joined: Tue Feb 12, 2008 12:07 pm

Re: Depression

Postby Ben W. » Sat Sep 01, 2012 12:59 pm

Turned thirty years old yesterday. Out of time, out of options. Time to become a grown-up, or...

...well, there isn't an "or", really. One parent retired, the other set to retire very soon. Quite reasonably, they expect results from me. Well, they've expected results for years now, which I've delivered to varying degrees, but the time has come for me to become the kind of man who can support them. Which is sort if incomprehensible to me, honestly; not that they expect me to support them, which is more than justified, but the idea that I could ever see myself being an affluent man with an affluent income. Full-time employment, six to seven pages of my thesis completed each day...either would be nice for my parents, but both would be preferable. My father ran his own business by the time he was thirty. I have some modest savings tucked away, but I'm not running my own business. Even my brother is bearing down on me. I go on living,I bring them misery. I kill myself, I bring them misery. No escape. None.

The world is crowding in on me, and I'm starting to suffocate. If I don't stop being lazy, I live on the street. I don't want to live on the street, so naturally I should work. But work brings me exhaustion and rage, which in turn compels me to end myself. But I want peace and quiet, not death. Just peace and quiet.

Am I really lazy? I don't believe I'd be causing my family grief if it was only out of laziness. Maybe it's just fear; fear and despair.

diane bartels
Posts: 1255
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2008 7:29 pm
Location: CHICAGO IL

Re: Depression

Postby diane bartels » Sat Sep 01, 2012 3:06 pm

Ben, I think you have hit on your own problem exactly. Fear, repressed anger at self and others and the despair that brings. Take it from one who has known, it is almost impossible to work while dealing with emotions that volatile. Thirty is not old. Take it from me; I slid past that signpost some 20 odd years ago. But enough about what you said makes me worry for you. Have you considered therapy to help deal with these issues? Most communities will have somewhere that works on a sliding scale for payment. Cut yourself some slack, and try to find something that helps you. Don''t worry about deadlines. You have friends here and most of us have struggled with depression and despair. There is another side after the depression starts to get better. Honest.

User avatar
Steve Evil
Posts: 3519
Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2004 3:22 pm
Location: Some Cave in Kanata
Contact:

Re: Depression

Postby Steve Evil » Sun Sep 02, 2012 1:27 pm

Happy belated Ben. For what it's worth, I'm in a very similar boat.

Ben W. wrote:Turned thirty years old yesterday. Out of time, out of options. Time to become a grown-up, or...

...well, there isn't an "or", really. One parent retired, the other set to retire very soon. Quite reasonably, they expect results from me. Well, they've expected results for years now, which I've delivered to varying degrees, but the time has come for me to become the kind of man who can support them. Which is sort if incomprehensible to me, honestly; not that they expect me to support them, which is more than justified.


I'm a little older, but only a little: every other word could apply to myself as well. One parent retired. Both expecting more of me, both quite tired of having to bail me out time and again. If anything, I'm a bigger burden on them now than ever, and there seems no end in sight. I've proven quite inept at everything I've set my mind to, and really really beginning to wonder if I've got anything concrete to offer society.

I try not to get too down, but boy oh boy are there moments!

User avatar
FrankChurch
Posts: 16283
Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 2:19 pm

Re: Depression

Postby FrankChurch » Sun Sep 02, 2012 2:07 pm

Steve, you are a great guy--watch that! They have done studies on status and lack or perceived lack actually take years off your life. Meaning, self esteem is actually life inducing.

You can be rich, but if you lose status you actually lose a part of your humanity. It wears you down literally.

diane bartels
Posts: 1255
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2008 7:29 pm
Location: CHICAGO IL

Re: Depression

Postby diane bartels » Sun Sep 02, 2012 11:19 pm

If lack of status really took years off one's life, I'd be dead 10 or 15 years ago.


Return to “General”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests