Megga Frustration and How To Cope

General discussions of interest to readers and fans of Harlan Ellison.

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Lori Koonce
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Megga Frustration and How To Cope

Postby Lori Koonce » Fri Mar 19, 2010 6:01 pm

As most of you know, I suffer from Clinical Depression. Who'd have thought that the one thing I'd have in common with my literary hero would be something like this.

The thing that sucks the most is that I can't do a damned thing to help the man. I can share all the little things I do that work for me, but he's not me and why bother him with that kind of shit.

Great, now I'm letting someone else's depression feed my own. Could one of you PLEASE just kick me in the teeth and help me get outta this spiral before I hit the bottom. *sigh* Sometimes it sucks to give a fuck about people!

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Re: Megga Frustration and How To Cope

Postby reddragon70 » Fri Mar 19, 2010 7:46 pm

I would never kick you in the teeth but I will happily kick you up the arse if it will help lift you out of any malaise. ;)

Seriously though, depression is a horrible thing. My wife has suffered from it, probably still does having to put up with me ( Oh yeah I was meant to be serious wasnt I?) But the worst thing is knowing you have it, and knowing that only you can drag yourself out of it. Friends can help, but ultimatley its down to you.

You will abide, just as Harlan abides. Youre here to abide. Its what we are all here to do. So keep fighting, because its a good fight. And to quote The Stranglers "There's always the sun"

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Re: Megga Frustration and How To Cope

Postby diane bartels » Fri Mar 19, 2010 8:14 pm

Lori, I went thru it a week or two ago. I did things I know I shouldn't = researched nuclear power, which led to graphic and horrible images from Chernoble, dwelt in the crap circulating around some people I know. And Andrew Koenig's death bothered me horribly; so sad. I had to stop.
I was able to talk it out with my sister, and I played with my animals got some sun on my face. Harlan will be okay. You take care, and let me know how it goes, kay?

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Re: Megga Frustration and How To Cope

Postby Chuck Messer » Fri Mar 19, 2010 8:20 pm

I too suffer from depression. A Prozac a day keeps the jim-jams away -- most of the time. There are days when I still have a bit of a relapse, though. I just have to remind myself that I'll be back to normal -- whatever that is for ME -- when I get up the next day. I recommend diverting yourself as much as possible in the meantime.

Say, did you know that Harlan's favorite show EVER, Star Trek, first offered the Captain Kirk part to Lloyd Bridges?

If Lloyd Bridges had been the Enterprise Captain:

"Captain's log, stardate thirteen forty-one point seven. It seems I've accidentally fired myself out the airlock in my underwear. Fortunately, I lost my lungs to a Klingon disruptor on Archanis Four. Had them replaced by stainless steel liquid oxygen tanks, so I can last quite some time in a vacuum. One problem, though. It's really cold out here, and I'm experiencing some major shrinkage."

And here's an example of Unca Harlan in full tyro-pyro mode:

HARLAN ELLISON
- Sunday, February 11 2007 12:25:3
IMPORTANT WARNING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WARNING !

TEMPORARY NEW RULE !!!!!!!!!!!!

Do NOT I repeat do NOT NOT NOT NOTNOTNOTNOT say a word about the film that opens this coming Friday, based on the Marvel Comic of the same name, to wit:

GHOST RIDER!!!!!!!!

SAY N O T H I N G !!!!!!!!! Don't even post that you went to see it, because I know you swine, you'll feel merrily naughty by suggesting SOMEGODDAMTHING and if you so much as spoil it for me, even one frame of it, good or bad or sensational or garbage, I will, as GGGGGGAAAAAAAWWWWWDDDDD is my witness,

I will track you down, stalk you relentlessly, seek you out... unscrew your head AGAINST the threads, reach down inside your pustulent body and yank out your nuts and/or fallopians with my bare paw, from the inside, and make you masticate them through your disembodied mouth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAVE I MADE MYSELF ABSOLUTELY DO-NOT-FEED-THE-GREMLINS-AFTER-MIDNIGHT CLEAR????? Youse all has been warned.

Not fuckin' kiddin', I remain, Yr. Nemesis, Gentle Harlan

(formerly Gentle Ben) (with whom you should ALSO not fuck)


Chuck Messer <chuck_messer@hotmail.com>
Lakewood, Colorado - Sunday, February 11 2007 14:50:12

So, I guess I shouldn't mention Ghost Rider's outing?






Oops.




HARLAN ELLISON
- Sunday, February 11 2007 14:59:42
DEATH THREAT DEATH THREAT DEATH THREAT!!!!!!!!!!!

See...!!!!!! ALREADY you li'l fuckers are starting!

Already, Messer, your worthless life hangs in the balance.

I KNOW you, you rapscallion piss-ant! You just can't WAIT to sneak in some smartass fillip.

I will kill you, Messer. I will kill you, eat your remains, puke you out, kill you again, and feed your regurgitated offal remains to my hunting dogs.

Then I'll kill and eat THEM!

Does ANYONE out there think I'm kidding here?

Yrs. with a steely stare, John Fuckin' Dillinger!!!!


He's a tough old coot. He's got good doctors and he'll be feeling better soon. I hope you'll be feeling better yourself.

Chuck
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Steve Evil
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Re: Megga Frustration and How To Cope

Postby Steve Evil » Sat Mar 20, 2010 12:11 pm

Funny enough I found reading Unca Harlan helped me through my depression. Edge In My Voice did more to lift my mood than 200 mg of Paxil.

What else? Physical exercise, good art, loud music, time with friends. . .at the very least it does no more harm.

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Re: Megga Frustration and How To Cope

Postby Ezra Lb. » Sat Mar 20, 2010 7:09 pm

Is getting laid not a viable solution anymore?
“We must not always talk in the marketplace,” Hester Prynne said, “of what happens to us in the forest.”
-Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter

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Re: Megga Frustration and How To Cope

Postby Moderator » Sat Mar 20, 2010 10:48 pm

I believe a key to surviving clinical depression is accepting and understanding that it's clinical depression. I don't have it, but have good friends who do (most of them are very talented poets)(I do not joke). While it does not make the depression itself any easier to endure, I am told that the knowledge that it's not "me" -- that there's an actual, medical reason -- gives the sufferer some comfort that they are not simply doing it to themselves.

Not sure if this is the case. YMMV.
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Re: Megga Frustration and How To Cope

Postby Lori Koonce » Sun Mar 21, 2010 11:13 am

Mr. B

That works for me, if I catch myself at the top of my spiral. But there are a few circumstances that are adding to things.... I don't like seeing people I care about suffer, and HE isn't the only one on my radar as far as that goes.

It's not a serious problem, but my mom is going to have to have a foot reconstruction done. When I talked to her yesterday she told me that every one is telling her how much things are going to hurt. My mom is a very Christian woman, and she's talking about being higher than a kite so she won't feel the pain. And, there's not a thing I can do about it except remind her that it's gonna be all right and that Dad and I will be there to help her as much as we can.

And of course this all has to happen on the same week I decided to start taking my Zoloft again. Nothing like trying to get used to a new chemical in ones body to make your emotions zoom around the spectrum like a butterfly on seriously hopped up nectar.

No matter how much I remind myself I'm not my illness, that the medication will help me in the long run, that I cannot help others if I'm not helping myself, I still feel lousy about not being able to help.

I'm sure that both unca Harlan and I will be fine, and I hope its soon for us both. But until then, well.... I don't know

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Re: Megga Frustration and How To Cope

Postby FrankChurch » Sun Mar 21, 2010 12:00 pm

Harlan saying he had depression shocked me. He seems like the last guy to be depressed.

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Re: Megga Frustration and How To Cope

Postby Chuck Messer » Sun Mar 21, 2010 12:08 pm

Actually, it's not all that unusual for older people to get clinically depressed. The body's going through changes, and that would include its ability to control its chemical balance. Note, for example the onset of diabetes that prompted Harlan's successful weight loss.

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Re: Megga Frustration and How To Cope

Postby Chuck Messer » Sun Mar 21, 2010 12:10 pm

Lori,

Remember you have people in your corner. It's a resource. Don't hesitate to use it.

Chuck
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Re: Megga Frustration and How To Cope

Postby Lori Koonce » Sun Mar 21, 2010 12:13 pm

Frank

Ya know people say the same thing about me. And I usually shoot back "well what the hell is a depressed person supposed to look like?"

But once I learned what Clinical Depression is, I now tell them "well seeing as how you cannot see my brain and how it's broken, you'll just have to accept that this is what depression looks like"

All my type of depression is is the following: My neurons do not use serotonin to its fullest capacity. It cannot absorb all that my body makes. Serotonin is one of your bodies most power endorphins. Is is one of the hormones responsible for the "runner's high" you have probably heard of. Some depressives can take medications to help the brain take care of this problem. I am one of them.

This problem dosen't make one act or look a hell of a lot different from most of the people running around the world. We just have a different way of FEELING about things than the rest of you all.

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Re: Megga Frustration and How To Cope

Postby Lori Koonce » Sun Mar 21, 2010 12:18 pm

Chuck

I am HERE for the sole reason that knowing I'm not alone does wonders for me.

I do like being around my Best Friend and family at times like this, and am just holding on until one of them is not so busy that I can't come and sit with them for a bit.

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Re: Megga Frustration and How To Cope

Postby Chuck Messer » Sun Mar 21, 2010 7:28 pm

Good to know. On the Sunday a week after cancer took my friend Will's life, the reality of it finally hit me. Like Sonny Liston.

Fortunately, I was already going to be with my family that evening, and it was nice to have people around me a that time.

My pill, by the way, is Prozac. Zoloft doesn't quite work for me, Celexa is best, but my insurance company threw a dart at a board or some damn thing and I had to go back to Prozac. It works just fine except for an occasional seratonin dip. When I find myself getting irritable for no reason, I know that's the first sign. Sometimes, I'll take a booster dose for that.

Best of luck ya, Lori.

Chuck
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Re: Megga Frustration and How To Cope

Postby Lori Koonce » Mon Mar 22, 2010 12:19 pm

Chuck

This is my third go round on Zoloft. Sometimes I get to feeling so good I stop the stuff. Or in this case I start feeling so rotten, I don't take it like I should and then stop.

Either way ya look at it, rounding off those shapr edges is a good thing.


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