HURT

General discussions of interest to readers and fans of Harlan Ellison.

Moderator: Moderator

User avatar
Chuck Messer
Posts: 2089
Joined: Wed May 21, 2003 9:15 pm
Location: Lakewood, Colorado

HURT

Postby Chuck Messer » Sun Feb 28, 2010 7:02 am

It's becoming real now. I'm feeling it.

My Dad is in a nursing home, victim of a rare, cruel neurological disorder called Progressive Surpanuclear Palsy. No one knows what causes it. There is no cure. There is no treatment. He is being reduced to an infant, then he will become a vegetable and eventually he'll die. And all I can do is watch.

Will Guthrie, my friend for at least fifteen years died a week ago. Pancreatic cancer. It was three weeks from diagnosis to his death. I visited him the night before he died. He didn't have an easy time, even before he got sick. Between his mental illness, a stroke, destitution, etc. he still managed to keep going. He even managed to get disability and put together a fairly decent life.

Then he was cut down.

I've been listening to Johnny Cash's cover of the song, Hurt.

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

It finally all got real. I need to get some sleep now. Sleep while it's dark.

The world is dark.

I wait for light.

Chuck
Some people are wedded to their ideology the way nuns are wed to God.

diane bartels
Posts: 1255
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2008 7:29 pm
Location: CHICAGO IL

Re: HURT

Postby diane bartels » Sun Feb 28, 2010 8:21 am

I am here if you need to talk, Chuck. I care about you. Diane

User avatar
Moderator
Site Admin
Posts: 10607
Joined: Sun Jan 15, 2006 12:17 pm
Contact:

Re: HURT

Postby Moderator » Sun Feb 28, 2010 10:44 am

Chuck -
I've gone through what you're feeling. My deepest condolences. It's not easy losing someone you love, particularly when it occurs so quickly.

If it is any solace at all, that rapidity is a thing of comfort in the long run. Of my two grandparents my grandfather suffered eight years of degenerating health and suffering. My grandmother passed away three months after being diagnosed with colon cancer. It hurts more in the short term to lose someone who only a few months ago was in good health, but it does, with time, become a blessing in a way.

Sit with friends, let family be there for you. Comfort others in his circle. He sounds like he was, in many ways, inspirational.

I have a question: did he write many other poems? Other pieces?
- I love to find adventure. All I need is a change of clothes, my Nikon, an open mind and a strong cup of coffee.

User avatar
FrankChurch
Posts: 16283
Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 2:19 pm

Re: HURT

Postby FrankChurch » Sun Feb 28, 2010 12:22 pm

I wasn't going to mention this but my grandfather died a few weeks ago. I am not sad about it. He lived to 94 years old, had a full life, was very active, well loved. He is in a better place.

--------------

Chuck, that video is amazing as well. Big hug. Hurt is real but you also need friends.

User avatar
Chuck Messer
Posts: 2089
Joined: Wed May 21, 2003 9:15 pm
Location: Lakewood, Colorado

Re: HURT

Postby Chuck Messer » Sun Feb 28, 2010 3:48 pm

I'm going to be with family today. I just needed to grieve last night (this morning), to let go. I'm everyone else's tower of strength around here and it gets hard to simply let go. I really needed to do that.

Thank you all.

Chuck
Some people are wedded to their ideology the way nuns are wed to God.

User avatar
Lori Koonce
Posts: 3538
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2007 12:10 pm
Location: San Francisco California
Contact:

Re: HURT

Postby Lori Koonce » Sun Feb 28, 2010 5:40 pm

You are right Chuck, you do need to let go. I hope that the time with your family will allow you to find the release you need.

And IMHO, all those people you mentioned are damned lucky to have such a caring and compassionate man in their circle of life.

User avatar
Moderator
Site Admin
Posts: 10607
Joined: Sun Jan 15, 2006 12:17 pm
Contact:

Re: HURT

Postby Moderator » Sun Feb 28, 2010 6:52 pm

FrankChurch wrote: He lived to 94 years old, had a full life, was very active, well loved.



And that, quite simply, is where we would all like to end our lives.

Condolences to you as well, Frank. Bitch of a year so far.
- I love to find adventure. All I need is a change of clothes, my Nikon, an open mind and a strong cup of coffee.

diane bartels
Posts: 1255
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2008 7:29 pm
Location: CHICAGO IL

Re: HURT

Postby diane bartels » Mon Mar 01, 2010 3:49 am

Frank, I am sorry about your grandfather. Losing someone you love is always sad, even when expected. Sounds like your granddad had a good life. Take care of yourself.
Chuck, you've been a help and a strength often to me here. Care for yourself.
Love to you both, Diane

User avatar
FrankChurch
Posts: 16283
Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 2:19 pm

Re: HURT

Postby FrankChurch » Mon Mar 01, 2010 10:07 am

This has been the period of death. Very odd, very spooky.

You can't even kick all the ghosts away, they are everywhere.

This is why there are bigger things than our scrums.

User avatar
Steve Evil
Posts: 3519
Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2004 3:22 pm
Location: Some Cave in Kanata
Contact:

Re: HURT

Postby Steve Evil » Mon Mar 01, 2010 3:06 pm

Thoughts prayers and best wishes to the both of you.

User avatar
Chuck Messer
Posts: 2089
Joined: Wed May 21, 2003 9:15 pm
Location: Lakewood, Colorado

Re: HURT

Postby Chuck Messer » Mon Mar 01, 2010 3:55 pm

My condolences to you as well, Frank.

Chuck
Some people are wedded to their ideology the way nuns are wed to God.

User avatar
FrankChurch
Posts: 16283
Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 2:19 pm

Re: HURT

Postby FrankChurch » Mon Mar 01, 2010 5:02 pm

Thanks Chuck, Evil man.

User avatar
FrankChurch
Posts: 16283
Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 2:19 pm

Re: HURT

Postby FrankChurch » Mon Mar 01, 2010 5:03 pm

Steve Evil, i meant. gulp.


Return to “General”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot], Yahoo [Bot] and 3 guests