Have you read the Bible?

General discussions of interest to readers and fans of Harlan Ellison.

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Have you actually read the Bible?

Yes, all of it from cover to cover. Even the boring parts like the Book of Obadiah.
7
47%
Just the famous readable parts. I mean nobody has ever actually read the Book of Obadiah.
6
40%
I've seen all of Charlton Heston's movies.
2
13%
 
Total votes: 15

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Ezra Lb.
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Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby Ezra Lb. » Wed Dec 30, 2009 12:02 pm

While I was down home for Christmas my brother reminded me of all those Italian epics from the 60s like HERCULES, badly dubbed into english and invariably starring either Steve Reeves or some other body builder. Our father was a big fan when we were little. Greek and Roman mythology was well represented but they tended to avoid the Bible stuff.

I saw portions of a couple of the Jesus movies. First, KING OF KINGS with Max von Sydow as J looking alternatively amused and haunted at the doings of the human race. And Franco Zefferelli's 70s miniseries, JESUS OF NAZARETH, controversial in its day but quite reverential actually. Visually beautiful as well. In these and other such movies you can play spot the big star cameo which kind of kills the illusion, know what I mean? Of course none of these actors come within a mile off looking like Jesus would have actually looked. Unless Mary was impregnated by a Viking.

As I said before Hollywood used to crank out the costume dramas but I suppose they're too expensive now and perhaps death at the box office (alas like political dramas). We definitely need a killer American revolution picture and my favorite, an ancient egyptian picture. No Victor Mature though.

I would tell the revolution story from the British point of view. Hell let the Brits make the movie. We would make another Mel Gibson goof.

My idea for an ancient egyptian picture would be to attempt to depict as far as possible a truly alien culture. No projecting modern concerns onto an exotic backdrop or any mystic mummy bullshit.
“We must not always talk in the marketplace,” Hester Prynne said, “of what happens to us in the forest.”
-Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter

Anthony Ravenscroft
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Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby Anthony Ravenscroft » Thu Dec 31, 2009 11:42 am

Oops; forgot another Important Lesson:

G*d will smite you for wearing polyester/cotton blend.

Gwyneth M905
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Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby Gwyneth M905 » Thu Dec 31, 2009 9:47 pm

Anthony Ravenscroft wrote:Oops; forgot another Important Lesson:

G*d will smite you for wearing polyester/cotton blend.


Also a fashion faux pas for men from the Qur'an:

Men should not wear gold chains and silk shirts. So much for the "guidos". Instant damnation without even a cap being popped into someone's ass. Or maidservant or manservant. ;)

I think that God is a man, because no where in any scripture does it say:

"And thou, Man, shalt not wear Speedo banana hammocks, neither under thy pot belly or over it, neither with shaven or unshaven back, neither with gold chains or black socks with sandals."

If God were a woman, she would have put that in.

@David -- I am rushing to read about Jael! I was unaware of her--whatta gal! :D
I want to learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi Knight, the same as my Father.
STAR WARS (1977)

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Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby Moderator » Fri Jan 01, 2010 11:33 am

Anthony Ravenscroft wrote:Oops; forgot another Important Lesson:

G*d will smite you for wearing polyester/cotton blend.


Which explains the fate of everyone involved with Studio 54.
- I love to find adventure. All I need is a change of clothes, my Nikon, an open mind and a strong cup of coffee.

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Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby Gwyneth M905 » Fri Jan 01, 2010 12:11 pm

Barber wrote:
Anthony Ravenscroft wrote:Oops; forgot another Important Lesson:

G*d will smite you for wearing polyester/cotton blend.


Which explains the fate of everyone involved with Studio 54.


It makes me feel extremely old to say that I "get" this. :wink: Ah, the days of Disco. Well, at least leggings in elf-boots have come back in a big way, at least here in SF. Next I forecast a return of fingerless gloves and day-glo hair streaks.
I want to learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi Knight, the same as my Father.
STAR WARS (1977)

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Ezra Lb.
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Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby Ezra Lb. » Sat Jan 02, 2010 3:12 pm

Mt brother weeps alone at night into his pillow and prays for that glorious morning when the bell-bottom for men in non-beach attire will return.
“We must not always talk in the marketplace,” Hester Prynne said, “of what happens to us in the forest.”
-Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter

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FrankChurch
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Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby FrankChurch » Sat Jan 02, 2010 4:17 pm

Jesus said it best: "How you treat the least of them is how you treat me." We need to quit siding with the oppressors guys.

cynic
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Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby cynic » Sat Jan 02, 2010 10:25 pm

BOB DYLAN - said it best, "Gotta Serve Somebody" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKJ5dFlqiak
follow your bliss,mike

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FrankChurch
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Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby FrankChurch » Sun Jan 03, 2010 12:23 pm

Mike, prostate yourself before me. Mine throne leeches blood.

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Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby Moderator » Sun Jan 03, 2010 12:41 pm

FrankChurch wrote:Mike, prostate yourself before me.


"Prostate yourself"? Yeech. :shock:

FrankChurch wrote:Mine throne leeches blood.


Well, yeah. I can imagine so after getting everyone to prostate themselves. :oops:
- I love to find adventure. All I need is a change of clothes, my Nikon, an open mind and a strong cup of coffee.

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FrankChurch
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Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby FrankChurch » Sun Jan 03, 2010 12:55 pm

Ha, ha, I didn't catch it. Ha, ha. I didn't do it to be funny. A bit of a brain fart. See what being horny does to ya.

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Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby Gwyneth M905 » Tue Jan 05, 2010 8:54 pm

FrankChurch wrote:Ha, ha, I didn't catch it. Ha, ha. I didn't do it to be funny. A bit of a brain fart. See what being horny does to ya.


See Frank, you need lots of hard exercise in the open air, cold showers, and the camaraderie of manly men and butch ladies toting Uzis.

G'wan, apply to join Mossad. I Quadruple Dog Dare You! :P

Failing that, why don't you stop trolling the 'net for online porn and just find a nice Triceratops picture to use as your avatar.

Avatar. Ha, Ha, I didn't catch it. A James Cameron slam. Go Gwynnie! :roll:
I want to learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi Knight, the same as my Father.
STAR WARS (1977)

Gwyneth M905
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Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby Gwyneth M905 » Tue Jan 05, 2010 10:59 pm

Something that was left out of the original Bible. The auteur theory.

The Greatest Action Story Ever Told
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qnq7N6X4x84
I want to learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi Knight, the same as my Father.
STAR WARS (1977)

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Ezra Lb.
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Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby Ezra Lb. » Sat Jan 09, 2010 8:52 pm

Now that's funny.

My favorite suggestion for a TV show is to be called JESUS CHRIST P.I. J travels around the Sea of Gallilee solving crimes with his sidekick St Peter.

Anybody ever heard of a book named The Last Days of Christ the Vampire?

http://www.iiipublishing.com/cv.htm

Makes sense doesn't it? Back from the dead. Lives forever.

I'm afraid the idea is better than its execution. Probably not published in Ireland.
“We must not always talk in the marketplace,” Hester Prynne said, “of what happens to us in the forest.”
-Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter

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FrankChurch
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Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby FrankChurch » Sun Jan 10, 2010 2:14 pm

Jesus was the first Yiddish comedian, I do know that.


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