Have you read the Bible?

General discussions of interest to readers and fans of Harlan Ellison.

Moderator: Moderator

Have you actually read the Bible?

Yes, all of it from cover to cover. Even the boring parts like the Book of Obadiah.
7
47%
Just the famous readable parts. I mean nobody has ever actually read the Book of Obadiah.
6
40%
I've seen all of Charlton Heston's movies.
2
13%
 
Total votes: 15

User avatar
Ezra Lb.
Posts: 4547
Joined: Wed Sep 01, 2004 8:02 am
Location: Washington, DC

Have you read the Bible?

Postby Ezra Lb. » Mon Dec 21, 2009 10:13 pm

cynic's latest post in the SCIENCE vs RELIGION thread inspired this poll.

Be honest folks.
“We must not always talk in the marketplace,” Hester Prynne said, “of what happens to us in the forest.”
-Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter

User avatar
Duane
Posts: 1579
Joined: Tue Nov 11, 2003 8:21 pm
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Contact:

Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby Duane » Tue Dec 22, 2009 1:30 am

Yes, From Genesis to Revelation (as the album title goes), including parts (but not all) of the Apocrypha. I read different parts at different times in my life; we studied the minor prophets in college for a religion class, and I remember tee-heeing over the Song of Solomon when I was an adolescent lad. As you might imagine, I read the major stuff more frequently than the minor stuff, but my memory informs me that Obadiah, Zephaniah, et al, can be as powerful and insightful as the heavy hitters. Time to go back and do some reading!

User avatar
Chuck Messer
Posts: 2089
Joined: Wed May 21, 2003 9:15 pm
Location: Lakewood, Colorado

Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby Chuck Messer » Tue Dec 22, 2009 10:19 am

Yessir, cover to goddamn cover. Of course, it's been a while and I've forgotten some of it. I think I remember more of Moby Dick or Frankenstein than the Big B. There's some powerful passages in it, and some not so great stuff.

As Penn Gillette once said, "Go getcher goddamn bible!"

Chuck
Some people are wedded to their ideology the way nuns are wed to God.

Richard Keeney
Posts: 174
Joined: Sun Sep 14, 2008 9:22 pm

Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby Richard Keeney » Tue Dec 22, 2009 10:54 am

NAHUM is a good rant
"It would be interesting to know what it is men are most afraid of. Taking a new step, uttering a new word is what they fear most."
--F. Dostoievsky, from CRIME AND PUNISHMENT

User avatar
FrankChurch
Posts: 16283
Joined: Wed May 28, 2003 2:19 pm

Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby FrankChurch » Tue Dec 22, 2009 1:51 pm

I read most of it, but that wasn't a fucking option.

User avatar
David Loftus
Posts: 3182
Joined: Fri Aug 20, 2004 2:15 pm
Location: Portland, Oregon
Contact:

Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby David Loftus » Tue Dec 22, 2009 2:42 pm

Twice.

Can't figure out how to vote in this poll.
War is, at first, the hope that one will be better off; next, the expectation that the other fellow will be worse off; then, the satisfaction that he isn't any better off; and, finally, the surprise at everyone's being worse off. - Karl Kraus

Gwyneth M905
Posts: 1260
Joined: Thu Aug 31, 2006 11:40 pm
Location: San Francisco, California

Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby Gwyneth M905 » Tue Dec 22, 2009 3:34 pm

I only read it for the portrayals of hot women.

I skim over the guy stuff. Gimme Hagar and Queen Esther any day. Plus Mary Magdalene. She was one hot-ass chick, kissing Jesus' feet and stuff. And Mary was extremely brave, considering that being an unwed mom in her day usually meant the rest of the hypocritical (and lucky) populace stoned you.

That last line makes me think of the stoning scene in THE LIFE OF BRIAN.

Back in "baby Hebrew" at Bryn Mawr, we staggered our way through the beginning of Genesis in Hebrew (it's really, really funny, especially the way God speaks to Adam and Eve and the serpent), and in my "Gnostic Gospels" class, I read bits of the Gospel of Thomas in mentrmenkēmə.

diane bartels
Posts: 1255
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2008 7:29 pm
Location: CHICAGO IL

Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby diane bartels » Tue Dec 22, 2009 4:49 pm

All of it cover to cover on my own at 13. Lots more in college especially the gospels, for class and independently. Some Old Testament and a lot of the Gospels still, but erratically.

User avatar
David Loftus
Posts: 3182
Joined: Fri Aug 20, 2004 2:15 pm
Location: Portland, Oregon
Contact:

Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby David Loftus » Tue Dec 22, 2009 8:45 pm

Oh, come ON, Gwyneth! How could you leave out Jael, one of the toughest babes in the whole Good Book?

Talk about nailing an enemy officer (see Judges 4:18-21, and 5:25-27) !

I mean, the official account says she merely served Sisera milk and then waited until he fell asleep before making her move. But I suspect she turned on the seductive feminine wiles to get him to come within striking distance.

In any case, not only did Jael bust a move in a highly cunning manner, but (I'm convinced) inspired a particularly hilarious portion of the Monty Python "Piranha Brothers" sketch.
War is, at first, the hope that one will be better off; next, the expectation that the other fellow will be worse off; then, the satisfaction that he isn't any better off; and, finally, the surprise at everyone's being worse off. - Karl Kraus

Anthony Ravenscroft
Posts: 490
Joined: Sun May 07, 2006 4:04 am
Location: Crookston, MN
Contact:

Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby Anthony Ravenscroft » Wed Dec 23, 2009 12:15 pm

I've read it throu once, & a few times "mostly," plus taken multiple highschool & college courses in "The Bible as Literature."

In fact, I credit that knowledge with a major factor behind my formally quitting formal Christianity. I got tired of the boobs telling me the Bible is inerrant & not open to interpretation... then telling me certain passages are "wrong" or giving me some byzantine interpretation of what (to unwashed me) looked pretty darned obvious.

Important lessons I learned from the Bible:

Don't say "raka!" to your parents.

Don't piss on the wall.

Men who say how pious they are are liars.

It's okay to eat bugs, & it's okay to eat things that live in the water, but it's not okay to eat bugs that live in the water.

Bunnies & lobsters & horses are pretty much the same thing.

The Antichrist's actual address is 636.

Lucifer is the morning star.

There were races before man.

User avatar
Chuck Messer
Posts: 2089
Joined: Wed May 21, 2003 9:15 pm
Location: Lakewood, Colorado

Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby Chuck Messer » Wed Dec 23, 2009 7:21 pm

There were races before man.


Hell H. P. Lovecraft coulda told you that.

Ia Ftagn,
Chuck
Some people are wedded to their ideology the way nuns are wed to God.

User avatar
Ezra Lb.
Posts: 4547
Joined: Wed Sep 01, 2004 8:02 am
Location: Washington, DC

Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby Ezra Lb. » Thu Dec 24, 2009 6:43 am

You could always tell when one of the old Universal monster movie series had run out of gas when Albert & Costello showed up so I'll take it as a similiar sign here when good ole HPL waves his shuggoth infested locks.

I won't bore you with biography but as I've said before I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian household in a small town in rural Georgia. Most of my family remains such. I've read people and known people wth similiar experiences as me who have an absolute loathing of the Bible. Not me. I love it. Or rather, parts of it.

My favorite parts are the King David stories spread out over several books of the Hebrew Bible. This is one of the oldest parts of the Hebrew Bible and is the equal of anything in the Greeks or the Hindus. In fact that's how you should read it. Not like newspaper reportage but like the Odyssey or the Mahabharata. Allow me to recommend Robert Alter's wonderful translation and commentary http://www.amazon.com/David-Story-Trans ... 670&sr=1-3

What a great character David is! And the doom of King Saul is virtually a greek tragedy.

To the person who voted for Charlton Heston I commend your honesty if not your taste. Although I must say I remain a fan of the Hollywood sword and sandal epic. Monthy Python and post-modern irony have effectively killed what once was a wonderful genre. Gone are the days of classic cheese like THE ROBE and its even more monstrous sequel DEMETRIUS & THE GLADIATORS. Recent attempts have been uniformly dreary. It's either christian porn like PASSION OF CHRIST or beautiful looking but empty like GLADIATOR.
“We must not always talk in the marketplace,” Hester Prynne said, “of what happens to us in the forest.”
-Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter

User avatar
David Loftus
Posts: 3182
Joined: Fri Aug 20, 2004 2:15 pm
Location: Portland, Oregon
Contact:

Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby David Loftus » Thu Dec 24, 2009 2:34 pm

There's some sort of sword-and-sandals gladiator epic on the way, called "Spartacus" with a subtitle after the colon. Saw the trailer last night before finally getting to see the incredibly fine "The Hurt Locker."
War is, at first, the hope that one will be better off; next, the expectation that the other fellow will be worse off; then, the satisfaction that he isn't any better off; and, finally, the surprise at everyone's being worse off. - Karl Kraus

cynic
Posts: 2684
Joined: Sat May 24, 2008 3:55 am
Location: chicago

Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby cynic » Mon Dec 28, 2009 6:19 am

"To the person who voted for Charlton Heston I commend your honesty if not your taste "
ezra,
despite not having seen anywhere near ALL Heston movies, i felt it a safe bet that i had read LESS of the bible.
didn't mean to be dishonest :oops:
re: "taste", i suppose my desire to suspend disbelief long enough to read the bible (and fully experience what i assume is at best an allegory of the nature and struggle of man), is limited largely by my personal view that "god" is not as good a plot as it is a punchline. I had heard the reviews and the main plot points before i went through catechism, and though i had to give it a chance (i tried to be open minded, even as a kid), i just couldn't get into it.

of my fav. heston: planet of the apes, soylent green, and last(only because of the last shot :lol: )omega man
follow your bliss,mike

User avatar
markabaddon
Posts: 1790
Joined: Tue Mar 14, 2006 3:24 pm

Re: Have you read the Bible?

Postby markabaddon » Tue Dec 29, 2009 7:33 pm

I have read all of the Torah (what you would call the Old Testament) and many parts of the New Testament. One of these days I will take the time to finish reading the talmud, the gemara and the midrash
Governments, if they endure, always tend increasingly toward aristrocratic forms. No gov't in history has been known to evade this pattern. And as the aristocracy develops, gov't tends more and mroe to act exclusively in the interests of the ruling class


Return to “General”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests