Which of you Mooks wants to keep me from looking like a fool

General discussions of interest to readers and fans of Harlan Ellison.

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Postby Moderator » Fri Mar 06, 2009 10:11 am

FrankChurch wrote: Well, Barber hasn't "been" with him.


:shock:


Yeeks!

(Okay, no caffeine neccessary for me this morning...though getting to sleep tonight may be a bit tough.)
- I love to find adventure. All I need is a change of clothes, my Nikon, an open mind and a strong cup of coffee.

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Ezra Lb.
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Postby Ezra Lb. » Fri Mar 06, 2009 11:31 am

Don't worry Mr Barber, if we are to believe Mr Ellison's reputation for having boinked ten thousand women then he is probably such a raging hetero that you have nothing to fear.

And that leads me to another item I've always wondered about. Namely the Muslim paradise with the infamous 74 virgins. Now at first it might seem a fate to be desired to have the line of them taking turns swinging on your pendulum but after a certain amount of reflection, I think I would prefer an eternity with ONE EXPERIENCED WOMAN. Doubtless this reflects a certain amount of maturity on my part but there are advantages to being the least experienced person in a new situation.

Or to put it another way, getting there is half the fun.
“We must not always talk in the marketplace,” Hester Prynne said, “of what happens to us in the forest.”
-Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter

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Postby Moderator » Fri Mar 06, 2009 11:50 am

Well, and then there's the flip side which is that everyone seems to assume the virgins are a) beautiful, and b) women.
- I love to find adventure. All I need is a change of clothes, my Nikon, an open mind and a strong cup of coffee.

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Duane
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Postby Duane » Fri Mar 06, 2009 2:50 pm

>> Don't worry Mr Barber, if we are to believe Mr Ellison's reputation for having boinked ten thousand women then he is probably such a raging hetero that you have nothing to fear. <<

Are you going to sit there and tell me that, out of ten thousand "boinks", not a single Adam's Apple somehow crept through, despite HE's legendary vigilance?

NONE? Out of TEN THOUSAND? ;)

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Postby Alan Coil » Fri Mar 06, 2009 5:23 pm

Duane wrote:NONE? Out of TEN THOUSAND? ;)


Seems statistically impossible, dunnit?

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Postby Lori Koonce » Fri Mar 06, 2009 7:01 pm

Duane wrote:>> Don't worry Mr Barber, if we are to believe Mr Ellison's reputation for having boinked ten thousand women then he is probably such a raging hetero that you have nothing to fear. <<

Are you going to sit there and tell me that, out of ten thousand "boinks", not a single Adam's Apple somehow crept through, despite HE's legendary vigilance?

NONE? Out of TEN THOUSAND? ;)


Well, it's in the realm of statistical posiblity that our esteemed host may have boinked a few men, I seriously doubt it

Besides, women FAR out number men on the whole, so I sure as hell assume it to be true.

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Postby Moderator » Fri Mar 06, 2009 8:06 pm

Alan Coil wrote:
Duane wrote:NONE? Out of TEN THOUSAND? ;)


Seems statistically impossible, dunnit?


I think Harlan'd be pretty upfront about it if he HAD done a few guys along the way. (He does kind of carry his heart on his sleeve, after all.)

Just sayin'.

(Not that there's anything WRONG with that.)
- I love to find adventure. All I need is a change of clothes, my Nikon, an open mind and a strong cup of coffee.

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Duane
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Postby Duane » Fri Mar 06, 2009 9:32 pm

Harlan, if you're reading this, it's a gag. You know, 10,000 "conquests", so many that there isn't enough time to verify if any, uh, "transformations" are complete....

I'm so dead.

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Postby Alan Coil » Sat Mar 07, 2009 9:02 am

If you're dead, then so am I. But I wouldn't think that Harlan would take physical revenge. He would take mental revenge, if he was so inclined, by publicly humiliating us. Again, though, I don't think he''d take the time.

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Postby FrankChurch » Sat Mar 07, 2009 11:53 am

Gore Vidal says that there is no such thing as gay or straight, that everybody has parts of everything, we just bury our gay parts.

Makes sense, since I love women, but kiss guys.

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Postby FrankChurch » Sat Mar 07, 2009 11:59 am

The dog has his eyes on you. Watch it!

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Postby David Loftus » Sat Mar 07, 2009 12:10 pm

You guys are exaggerating outrageously. Harlan counted -- what was it? -- about 500 at the time of the second edition of _Love Ain't Nothing_, which was in the mid 1970s, and given several marriages and a chronic fatigue syndrome condition since about the end of that decade, I doubt he added much more to that figure.

Most of his action, I expect, was in the so-called Swingin' Sixties. I would imagine his lifetime total is still closer to 500 than a thousand.

The guy who actually claimed 10,000 was a pro basketball player from almost as far back; not Walt Frazier, I think, but someone from that era. Who knows that name? And unlike Harlan, I would imagine most of his encounters were one-offs. (In other words, I would guess that Ellison had a much higher percentage of return engagements with his partners.)

And I'm with Barber on the guy thing. If Harlan had, we'd likely have heard about it.
War is, at first, the hope that one will be better off; next, the expectation that the other fellow will be worse off; then, the satisfaction that he isn't any better off; and, finally, the surprise at everyone's being worse off. - Karl Kraus

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Postby Moderator » Sat Mar 07, 2009 12:22 pm

David Loftus wrote:The guy who actually claimed 10,000 was a pro basketball player from almost as far back; not Walt Frazier, I think, but someone from that era.




Wilt Chamberlain I believe.
- I love to find adventure. All I need is a change of clothes, my Nikon, an open mind and a strong cup of coffee.

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FrankChurch
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Postby FrankChurch » Sat Mar 07, 2009 12:23 pm

David, when are you going to tell them about us.

Whoops.

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Postby Steve Evil » Sun Mar 08, 2009 12:20 am

The 74 virgins was a mistranslation. Martyrs are actually promised 74 white raisins. There are alot of pissed-off martyrs right now. . .


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