Seriously, we don't have a joke thread?

General discussions of interest to readers and fans of Harlan Ellison.

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swp
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Re: Seriously, we don't have a joke thread?

Postby swp » Mon Oct 04, 2010 2:16 pm

They announced another set of layoffs today at work, the third in less than a year. Half of the software group has been let go in that time, including me and three other managers this morning plus 61 other engineers. They gave the old "it's not you, it's us" line as they dumped us. Lack of sustainable business. At least I was able to save the job of a couple of my engineers. To do otherwise would have endangered my sertsa, if I recall Levendis correctly.

So to tally the year so far:
    5 deaths in the family, 2 pending from cancer/dementia still. check.
    loss of most worldly possessions to explosions and fire. check.
    medical issues with 'guts' and stuff. check.
    loss of job. check.
I think I only need to be hit by lightning or a meteor to make the superfecta. (please refrain from yelling 'bingo!' as well)

So the next time someone asks YOU how you are doing, have a little perspective.

and yes, this is not a joke. it just seems like my life is a joke these days and this is the only thread that fit.
swp

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Re: Seriously, we don't have a joke thread?

Postby Moderator » Mon Oct 04, 2010 3:08 pm

Steve -- You really do have my most sincere empathies on everything that's going on. It has been a bitch of a year.

I made the stupid mistake of being in a bad mood when talking to my friend NeoCon Jim the other day, and discovered I was griping about some minor inconvenience to a man who recently got a low level job (well below his capabilities) after nearly two years of unemployment; has two teenagers in full-blow rebellion; a wife who is frustrated by the need for her to work to help cover bills, and the two-weekends-ago news his father had a stroke. As any good friend would, he let me off the hook with nary a sideways glance.

What sort of position are you seeking? My employer has significant facilities in your area and I'd be happy to see what positions are open.

SB
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FrankChurch
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Re: Seriously, we don't have a joke thread?

Postby FrankChurch » Mon Oct 04, 2010 4:15 pm

They are exporting software jobs and such to foreign markets because of cheap labor costs. The usual wonders of our free market mirage.

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Re: Seriously, we don't have a joke thread?

Postby Moderator » Mon Oct 04, 2010 4:19 pm

Not helpful, Frank.
- I love to find adventure. All I need is a change of clothes, my Nikon, an open mind and a strong cup of coffee.

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FrankChurch
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Re: Seriously, we don't have a joke thread?

Postby FrankChurch » Mon Oct 04, 2010 4:22 pm


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Chuck Messer
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Re: Seriously, we don't have a joke thread?

Postby Chuck Messer » Mon Oct 04, 2010 6:56 pm

Goddamnit, Steve. I thought I had a bitch of a year. I hope the job and personal health issues are straightened out and pronto.

And now, to distract Steve and all of us from the shitrain storm that is 2010, here are some jokes and links to funny stuff:

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"

And for shits and giggles:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJPUfJ1D5ok

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KzxEm5v ... re=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0xollWZ9Bo

Think of these as a massive humor broadside against this vale of tears.

Chuck
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Re: Seriously, we don't have a joke thread?

Postby paul » Tue Oct 05, 2010 9:22 am

swp wrote: it just seems like my life is a joke these days and this is the only thread that fit.


Steve, my heart goes out to you, and if venting here helps, all to the good. Perspective is most important, as is empathy. I always think if you cannot have one, then you must have the other.

Good cess to you, brother.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barber, they ought give out Knighthoods for Menschness. Mark, Look into that, won't you?
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A: A peacunt.

Hey folks, I don't make 'em up, I just repeat them......
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Duane
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Re: Seriously, we don't have a joke thread?

Postby Duane » Mon Oct 18, 2010 8:06 pm

Nothing like profound immaturity to lighten the mood:

The Brady Bunch, told from the point of view of a VERY, PROFOUNDLY PERVERTED Mike Brady. You'll never get these five minutes of your life back, but believe me you won't miss them! Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1ulxrcehOg

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markabaddon
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Re: Seriously, we don't have a joke thread?

Postby markabaddon » Thu Oct 21, 2010 1:14 pm

Steve,

I have not been around the Forums as much lately so I did not see your posting about what has occurred in your life lately. My deepest sympathies on the job loss. This offer has been extended to others but if you want and help on either the resume or networking, feel free to ask. I believe we are connected through LinkedIn as well as Facebook so you can shoot me a message through either of those sites, if you prefer

Paul, I am pretty sure my people do not do the whole Knighthood thing. Considering that Harlan was Knighted, I know my poeple are eligible for it, but we ain't gonna be the ones to initiate it. However, if you prefer, I can send a message up to the Elders of Zion for clarifcation, specifically Mr. Spielberg and Mr. Seinfeld :twisted:
Governments, if they endure, always tend increasingly toward aristrocratic forms. No gov't in history has been known to evade this pattern. And as the aristocracy develops, gov't tends more and mroe to act exclusively in the interests of the ruling class

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Barney Dannelke
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Re: Seriously, we don't have a joke thread?

Postby Barney Dannelke » Sat Oct 30, 2010 8:26 am

http://i403.photobucket.com/albums/pp11 ... column.jpg

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History is a vast early warning system. -Norman Cousins (1915-1990)

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FrankChurch
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Re: Seriously, we don't have a joke thread?

Postby FrankChurch » Tue Nov 02, 2010 5:00 pm

My brother is a mechanic. He would work on my car for free, if I had a car. haha.

Walking is the new normal.

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Duane
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Re: Seriously, we don't have a joke thread?

Postby Duane » Fri Nov 05, 2010 7:11 pm

This one's for you, Frankie baby: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWoiu8keq34 :mrgreen:

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Re: Seriously, we don't have a joke thread?

Postby Duane » Wed Dec 15, 2010 1:02 pm

Two minutes and forty five seconds of classic British humour. Your time will not be wasted.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0C59pI_ypQ

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FrankChurch
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Re: Seriously, we don't have a joke thread?

Postby FrankChurch » Wed Dec 15, 2010 3:12 pm

Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, David Cameron, with idiots like that humour is what they need.

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Re: Seriously, we don't have a joke thread?

Postby RocRizzo » Wed Dec 15, 2010 3:57 pm

I heard a good one the other day

Southwestern Airlines is charging Senator Bernie Sanders double for his airfare back to Burlington, VT. After a long fought filibuster in the Senate, they stated that they are ensuring that there is an extra seat for his enormous balls.
"Understanding is a three-edged sword."


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