A stench of corpse...and relief for All Saint's Day.

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Eric Martin
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A stench of corpse...and relief for All Saint's Day.

Postby Eric Martin » Mon Oct 31, 2005 10:05 pm

Ok, I think it’s gotten out of control. Jumped the shark. This Halloween business.

I’m out with my seven-year old tonight…he’s dressed as some character from a Nintendo game, and I’m with an old friend whose daughter is also seven, and she’s a black cat. We’re duly making the rounds, staying on the sidewalk secretly cradling a can of Heineken while the kids dash up for the trick or treat. My other son, 18, is with us, chewing a sucker stick and ogling the MILFs.

If you grew up in the 70s, or even the 80s, I can tell you that Halloween is not what it once was. In my day it was poorly-carved pumpkins and the occasional cardboard skeleton hanging on the door. But now it’s lights, and giant inflatable ghosts, and faux graveyards, and fog machines, and soundtracks pumping out of windows, and huge fake pumpkins with elaborate faces carved in them, and realistic-looking bodies hanging from trees, and a lot of thirty and forty-somethings acting silly under black lights, trying to be some character while they pass out mini kit-kats. People THEME.

My point…we come up to one house and I catch it right away: the stench of rotting flesh. A dead animal, I figure, probably under the porch, since we live near some woods and the possums are often ungracious enough to come out and die under one’s foundation, necessitating a rake and big black garbage bag, and a lot of gagging. But this house was really done up, a lot of care had gone into the fake spiders in the trees and the skeletal arms coming out of the ground, and it would seem that the owners would have used the rake and garbage bag if a dead raccoon was really the problem.

In other words, this stench of decaying corpse, and it was strong, all the way down to the sidewalk, was most likely intentional. Someone got a little too creative and let something putrify near their front door…probably a big hunk of meat hiding in a bush for a week, or maybe chicken carcass, or…who the hell knows. But it wasn’t fun, the kids were gagging, and they grabbed their candy from the “take one” bowl (no owners home, I guess), and fled. Yeah, a new sensory dimension to Halloween overload, great. And with it, October 31st continues to slip down my list of favorite holidays, soon to fall behind St. Patrick’s and Arbor Day. Hooray for November.

rich

Postby rich » Tue Nov 01, 2005 7:22 am

I don't mind the decorations too much. I always thought Halloween gave people the opportunity to be a bit more creative without too much of the gaudy plastic of Christmas.

Admittedly, my mom always was embarrassing to me when she dressed up as a witch and handed out those mini kit-kats. As my wife told me, the kids liked it and Halloween wasn't about me so I was to keep my yap shut.

But, yeah, a stinking dead animal is taking things too far. Of course, there's always the possibility that it was MURDERRRRRRRRR.

My shy-by-4-months 4 year-old daughter's first trick or treating was last night. The first two houses she was barely audible and didn't stray far from my leg, but she got bolder as we visited more houses (just like you said, Eric), ringing doorbells and saying, "Thank you."

And then, just as I'm enjoying this more than I thought I would and my daughter seems to be getting into the swing of things, we visited a house where two Greyhounds greeted us and that was that. The dogs weren't barking and were well-behaved, but they were big and they startled her.

"I wanna go to my new house." We moved into this house in late June and she still calls it her new house. Which, technically, I guess it is still our new house.

So I think I was more disappointed than she was, but, all in all, a nice haul for her first time, plus she watched A BUG'S LIFE to cap the evening off.

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Postby Hathor » Tue Nov 01, 2005 5:54 pm

It's one of the few holidays left where no-one raises a stink if you decorate your house. Actually, it'd be kind of neat if us red-necks started leaving our HALLOWEEN lights up all year. Little skulls, jack-o-lanterns, and shrunken heads adorning our porch awnings...AHHHHH! :lol:

(My favorite kitschy items are the Bratz (aka SLutz) X-mas decorations and the Disney Winnie-The Pooh dreidel.)

Eric Martin
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Postby Eric Martin » Wed Nov 02, 2005 6:36 am

>Actually, it'd be kind of neat if us red-necks started leaving our HALLOWEEN lights up all year.<

No, please don't. We already have the lazy few who leave their Christmas lights in their trees all year long. Trailer-chic is finally not cool. If rednecks want to proud of something, let it be a sudden shift to the left in their voting preferences.

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Postby DVG » Wed Nov 02, 2005 1:49 pm

If you seriously believe that someone in your neighborhood slaughtered a small animal and left its decaying corpse in a gutter to provide a whiff of genuine atmosphere for Halloween, may I be the first to suggest that you start packing to move. And lock the doors of the abandoned burned-out station wagon you're living in while you do it, because there is something seriously wrong with whatever hellhole it is you're living in.

Eric Martin
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Postby Eric Martin » Wed Nov 02, 2005 3:08 pm

>because there is something seriously wrong with whatever hellhole it is you're living in.<

Oh, I doubt there was any slaughtering. More like a picked over chicken carcass. As for the hellhole, it could be worse...people who identify themselves by initials could live there, Disturbed Venal Geek.

Easily Detached, Mon

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Postby Duane » Wed Nov 02, 2005 4:00 pm

Diseased Vaginal Groin?

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Postby DVG » Wed Nov 02, 2005 4:30 pm

Wit just sticks out all over both of you, now doesn’t it.

Gracious me.

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Postby Duane » Wed Nov 02, 2005 5:59 pm

Um, ouch?

Just Kidding. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.

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Postby DVG » Wed Nov 02, 2005 6:05 pm

Likewise, I'm sure.

Halloween remains one of my favorite holidays, the grand total of which could be counted on one hand, albeit a hand that had been previously used to repell an intruder in a Dario Argento film.

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Postby Hathor » Wed Nov 02, 2005 6:20 pm

Actually, much like ANY holiday to a kid, You could probably call it Barbara Boxer Day and they'd recite the litany of well-intended do-gooders if it meant free swag at the end of the solemnity.

In California:

The Day Of The Dead (NOV 1) is a "Teacher Conference Day" off from school.
(Actually, as far as the kitsch factor goes, I'd like to lay out some SpongeBob goodies for forgotten ones. Then again, I burn hell money for my dad so he's not hitting up The Minotaur for twenty bucks "Just 'til Friday.... :wink: "

Diwali (NOV 2) is openly celebrated in the workplace. On a voluntary basis.

Eric Martin
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Postby Eric Martin » Wed Nov 02, 2005 7:35 pm

>albeit a hand that had been previously used to repell an intruder <

More likely a hand that spends most of its time....oh never mind, too easy...

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Postby DVG » Thu Nov 03, 2005 9:08 am

Hasn't stopped you before.


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